hey everybody happy to be here uh
Martin Luther King Dr King weekend um very important day I said you know
I made me think about a lot of things um because there's no there's no like
holiday for uh Asian and any Asian leaders uh nobody takes the day off so the women
never did nothing for anybody that's why so sorry about that um but thank you to Dr King
my parents have respect for him because he is a doctor um I don't give a [ __ ] about me uh but
that's that's my thought I didn't go to sc
hool dude didn't do good in school but um I don't know
uh we have our actions for my culture I have a lot on my mind actually I've been feeling just
kind of stressed out because exactly next week next Sunday is the Lunar New Year it's the Asian
New Year there people are disrespectful called Chinese New Year Vietnamese was disrespectful
but it's based on the mood it's based on the moon it's like our biggest holiday like nobody
gets a day off no one cares for them but um it stresses me out I
like big holidays it's big
like like Christmas is big for people some people you know it's those are great holidays if you get
along with your family then that's something to look forward to but you don't get along with your
family then Christmas and New Year's is just you dread it and you get grumpier more and more as
the day comes closer so I I've just been feeling like uh I don't know I don't know what to do but
I I did eventually figure it out and I said you know there's a lot of obliga
tion when it comes to
family you feel like you have to spend time with them and sit with their hater asses and you don't
you know we don't have to because if they're going to talk about you they're going to talk about you
whether you're there or not and you can just save yourself the grief and not come from not come and
celebrate your little small Christmas and envelope a couple firecrackers by myself but um but uh
something happened this year one of my friends helped me get invited to a sh
ow and it's like a
comedy show for all um Asian people all Vietnamese people we call it fake so that's gonna be my first
time performing for a room full of Asian people I'm nervous what I've been spending a lot of time
with black people I know how to talk to black people talk to Asian people I don't know what
I want to say to them I don't know I don't know what I'm gonna talk about I'm gonna talk about
noodles I don't know what to say I'm afraid I'm gonna just get racist and say all the wro
ng things
because I'm gonna see their faces and remind me of unpleasant [ __ ] like my family and just say I
hate talking with us but I don't want to do that so I need help I need you guys help I need advice
what do I do how do you how otherwise is there anything that you guys have been wanting to say to
Asians that you need me to relate to them because I can be the oh you got some things to say I bet
I already even know what they are I don't want to say because I will tell them I will tell
them you
know I I don't know um I think marry an Asian man that's just God gave me that but um he also loves
black people so I don't know I need help what do you guys what should I what do you what have
you not said to us that needs to be said [Music] [Music] [Applause] like me and my husband are not gonna have
kids because there's too many of us around there's too many like we have secured the
future of the race it's good you know we got in the we needed to crank out seven more
children
um we can take a break our ancestors took care of that so I plan on touching them
all that so you know you have you're really gonna hold back this is a Touch of Class you
never hold back what do I need to tell them I'll say that nobody gets door to Ash then okay then if I stop driving okay
so you can cancel that one does my culture need every animal that's a
sideways question about dogs okay and no [ __ ] [Applause] eat the same things that you eat I
told you I love Black Culture okay chick
en wings last week this week I can't
afford it okay no but I will tell them any other anything nothing you want to say
there's nothing you want to say to Asian people it'll go through me I'll tell them
you guys need to because they need to know I don't know I feel like they need to know
I feel like as a culture we're just like uh it's easy for me to love other cultures
because I don't know you know I'm not in it I don't know how other families like are
how it works in other nail shops I he
ard that but she works at the hair section my aunt's working here I don't know why
that's why would that offend me or anyone when it's just the truth but um I don't know
what else to say my this New Year's is coming up it is very complicated for me I have a
complicated relationship with being Asian um our culture is very competitive like with each
other with ourselves like I don't know how it is in any other families but I feel like families
should support each other you know you should roo
t for your brother you should root for your
sister but they like we're pinned against each other we're pit like my family I'm pinned against
my brothers and my sisters and my cousins and love is very withheld unless you become a doctor then
I will love you if you do something but it's just it creates competitiveness with our whole culture
so like when I see other Asian people sometimes there's just a little like look between us like
are we gonna be okay are we going to fight are we going to
automatically start comparing stuff
and doing that kind of thing and so I don't know but at the same time they some Vietnamese guys
did invite me so hopefully the tile is turning hopefully they know that like we can't do this
stuff by ourselves and we need to help each other so I don't know you guys need to wish me luck and
uh go ahead and let me know about all that the stuff that's been on your mind that you didn't
say you can tell me later all right I love you thank you thank you so much
ladies and
gentlemen welcome to embarrassed by night that's the exact dress that you got is it similar
I didn't realize how oh yeah it's pretty good yeah it's a coincidence I didn't even mean it's just a
coincidence I didn't realize she was wearing the same thing I was very embarrassing actually well
now then welcome to embarrass my night this is lately red you look so good tonight thank you yeah
that was playing how do I look pretty good pretty funny how do I look Fred you look like that
lady
that lady yeah you look at that lady uh thank you guys we're honored to be back here at the tavern
theater it's only been six months but we want to come back as often as we can hopefully like an
annual tradition uh Happy New Year thank you we wanted to be special because we're both
from this area we're both from San Jose and so we want to come back to the Sabbath theater
to celebrate the Year of the Cat with y'all yeah happy year the cat see you in a cat yeah
not the rabbit not the [
__ ] rabbit not the [ __ ] rabbit okay we're Vietnamese goddammit
I used to uh I used to live in Vietnam and uh uh I moved there uh because I had uh heard of
a get rich quick scheme it's where uh you move to another country where you can where everybody
else has a lot less money than you and you do that you've probably heard of it it's pretty good I
was living at bent sound Market Benton markets like moving over here and living at uh Santana
Row except everything's Blue Lake it was great du
de I had to hook on any Louis Vuitton or
[ __ ] a hood Valencia that's good foreign state area so anytime that uh I would leave
the apartment people would come up to me and treat me like a Taurus and I got pretty
old pretty quick because I'm Vietnamese I thought that I was gonna blend in if
that didn't work out uh anytime I left the apartment I heard things like oh so
you want that ten dollar full body massaso you want that Ten Dollar Food money masala
and I know nobody likes I did that ac
cent but um I can do that accent reason why I could
do that accent is because I've mastered it okay let me get out of here uh you guys have
been a lot of fun please uh give a warm welcome to our next comedian uh she's come
all the way here from Sacramento and she's an amazing uh comic please give a warm
welcome to two [Applause] foreign [Music] he's emotionally disturbed okay can we just
give a nice round of applause for all of my emotionally disturbed and scarred friends that
you've heard
from tonight um thank you I'm not happy to be here um we all have problems right we
all have healing that we need or we need healing um you know we all have our numb right but
for Vietnamese people Nam was our Nam so um it hits a little hard and a little deep
so just bear with us guys we're gonna need to have to get over it a little bit okay it's
been a while it's been a lot of Wars since then um there's a lot of things that just we gotta
get over it okay um to enjoy better times I think w
e have to get over it um but let's see
what do we have here can we hear let's hear some I need some energy can we hear a top of your
lungs from all the Asians in the room Asians same from the white people definitely
know you guys brought some white people okay we have from the black people black
people yeah oh there's a black person wow every everyone applaud the one black person John I'm pretty surprised I wasn't expecting I
was expecting total silence because I thought you were all terrib
le people but no it's a good
person here there's a good person no I have um I I do have black friends
because I am I am good but uh you know I don't know um it's I'm Vietnamese um this is the first time I've been invited
to a Vietnamese show my brothers invited me I'm so grateful um can I hear it
from all the Vietnamese people right that was actually a trick question
you're all Chinese you're all Chinese to the rest of the world you're Chinese it doesn't
matter when they see you they just
see a Chinese person okay they blame you for covert all the
same you know it okay so it's like I don't know they don't mean anything buy it but you're Chinese
and you know I have a Mexican friend and he's my friend and I see a good person Mexican friend just
the one but um still and he introduces me as uh my my chinito friend my little chinito Amigo Mexican
yeah you know okay no no messy any Mexicans oh yeah man welcome oh informational relationship
good for you I believe it will last make
it last don't listen to those they're scarred and
they're hurt they're just personal but no you get my friend he calls me chinito and I
said man what are you you know I'm Vietnamese and he says sorry that's just the only word we
have for you guys that's all there is nothing he doesn't mean anything quiet that's just
the truth um yeah no I don't know I like if you're Vietnamese and you don't think you're
descended from Chinese people you're very stupid you're very stupid look at us I know
t
hat's why that one hits hard because the mom said you can't be that anything else but
you can't be stupid but we are actually and um I mean look at us the hate for Chinese people
look at Chinese people and Vietnamese people it's not exactly apples and oranges you guys
okay we're it's very hard to distinguish um you know we come from us but but we always
try to create division there's always this need to create division to make us feel special right
we always have to create some difference a
nd you learn it you learn it um from home you know what
you learn you learn that like there are lesser Asians from you call her mom or meh or ma'am
you know she will tell you like like Chinese people no not them we're better than them right
and he goes all the way around all the all the Asians all do it to each other and it's like uh
there's just why does there need to be division this one the the Year this year there's a lot of
talk about it cats and rabbits cats and rabbits cat versus rab
bit we all know a cat will destroy a
rabbit any day but that's not the point that's not the point I'm trying to make why is there there's
already there's more similarity between us than difference right I do understand that there is
a distinguishable difference it makes sense you know Chinese people are kind of like rabbits
they're cute they like to procreate you know um and and you know Vietnamese people we'll eat
your face after you die you know so I don't know I don't know I I love Vietn
amese people there are
unique people in that there is no other culture I know that loves to bastardize their own language
I mean we've all heard it you know our national dish sounds a lot like a profanity right and they
just we just roll with it we don't give a [ __ ] right we love it but yeah that's our language I'm
gonna use it to promote my business right come try our [ __ ] [ __ ] it's [ __ ] delicious you see
it on the shirt so yes that's what our language sounds like [ __ ] and you kn
ow it's okay let's go
with that let's go with um with doing that I I I'm okay with it but I don't know it's it doesn't
seem it doesn't seem necessary right like I at some point I feel like it should we gotta and
and thank God that we have support today but it's got stuck because you see it's Chinese versus
Vietnamese right and then it became North Vietnam versus South Vietnam and then it's just brothers
versus brothers and it's like uh you know we're we are related okay we are related to ea
ch other
we probably all should help each other out I mean um it's getting a little heavy it's just
getting heavier let's talk about that shooter um remember the shooter remember all of your
uncle they're all everybody's Uncle here don't even think that you're not related to him
because he's Asian you're more related to him than a than a cat I'll tell you that you're
more even the white people and the Mexicans are more related to that man than you are to a cat or
anything else you see what
I'm saying so it's like that's not how you handled you know conflict
man I don't know like he said he got bullied he's 70 years old you can't get bullied when
you're 70. like who's you stop getting bullied After High School then it's just life life
happens to everyone it's very uncomfortable you have to deal with it but we have kind
of a thin skin as Asian people we have like we need to hang out with more diversity to
learn to be tougher to learn to be humbler right because I mean I don't
know I mean don't
go with bullying 70 year olds and testing them wedgie who's giving wedgies to 70 year olds
at this point in time like don't do it but um yeah okay you know I knew
that that might turn this way just stop um just tell your uncle to stop
you know I don't know I I just feel that um we need humility as Asian people I know it's
been hard and we have to try so hard to get Teslas to throw it in everyone's face you guys are doing
a great job at that now we just need to work on our
personalities a little bit okay because it's
like how can you ask to stop Asian hate when we hate each other and ourselves how can you I see
the sign and I go stop Asian hey I'll try I will try but my aunt gets on my nerves she's a kind of
terrible I don't know I'm trying to love her I'm trying to deliver her despite everything and um I
don't know I have spent time with a lot some other people to accommodate and meet a lot of people
you hear about a lot of the people's different walks of l
ife there are a lot of struggles out
there and it is great to share it with each other because then you don't feel like yours is so big
because it's not it's not that big go hang out with black people they will put you to shame so
quick really I mean it's if if every black person went shooting people because they felt bullied
everyone would be dead all people would be dead they've been bullied as an entire society and
I did talk to them before I came here today and asked them what they woul
d like to say to you
and they said please stop being stingy with the orange chicken and I think that you should really
take that to heart please because uh black people deserve more from us not less all right and
I I'm sorry I'm um I believe in tough love so that's what I felt that this was I I do love being
here and I'm grateful to be here I'm grateful for the support and I just want to say I love all of
you love faces so thank you very much [Applause] well someone told me at intermission
that my mom was in the bathroom line saying
that her son was on the show someone else asked her oh which one is your
son she went and she went the one in the dress you think my mom when she was pregnant
with me would be look at myself dresses so I'm so proud I'm so proud actually
she would never say that I don't think there's a Vietnamese word for proud I've never heard it the
closest I've ever heard from Vietnamese were proud it's okay it's good enough it's good
enough that's the closest
I've ever come to Proud dog that's ever [ __ ]
happened to me bro laughs [Applause] um Tony van Alex Young and Miami
[Applause] hey you guys give him a friend give up for yourself
thank you so much we will be back thank you for supporting live comedy
videos [Applause] thank you so much some drinks yeah get some drinks um
thank you so much guys appreciate it [Applause] [Music] [Music]
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