Happy Family Conditions Apply - Episode 1 | Prime Video India

Hear that? Did you hear that? What happened? A bloody pigeon chick has entered the house. Oh, God! It's chirping over there. Hear that? What's the problem, Hemlata? That's what chicks do, they chirp. This one probably stammers. Maybe it has a sore throat. It's creating such a racket! Pallavi! Ramesh! Wake up, guys! A pigeon chick has entered the house. It's chirping will wake everyone! -Hey, careful-- -Bloody pigeon! Ramesh! Pallavi! Ayushi! Wake up! -Pallavi, get here! -Yes, Baa. I'll be there.

-Wake up! -Why are you shouting, Madam Scream-Lata? What should I do? Send an email? Dear Ramesh, there's a pigeon inside the house. Please get up. -Regards, Hemlata. CC Pallavi. -You are such a boomer, Grandma. Tisca! You cropped-hair girl, daughter of sleeveless-top wearing woman! -Wake up! -What happened, Grandma? Wake up if you want to sleep peacefully afterwards. Else we'll be up all night. Wake up! You fools! -Found it? -No. -Search for it over there. -Look for it near the door! -Over her

e. -Look, everyone! -What? -Where is it? I can hear it. Baa! Baa! Look, an owl. I'll be right back. Oh my God, an owl has come inside the house! Lovely. What do you mean "lovely"? I meant, an owl coming inside the house signifies the arrival of wealth. -Yes. -Has it brought a check? Or will it give us cash? -Bloody fool! -Come on… Let's quickly take a selfie with the owl. -Sure. -Come on! -Does my hair look good? -Smile! Smile… And… we got it! It has gone into that corner. It'll make a nest ther

e! Hey, owl. Come out. Come out. Come on, fly out the window. Come on… -Go out. -Dad! English? That too with a fake accent? Because it's a white owl. Just because it's white, you think it's flown down from England? From Wembley? Grandpa, it can't be from Wembley because there are no whites left there! Oh Popat bhai's look alike! -Watch out! -Oh, no! Go! Come on, get out of here! Finally it's gone! -It has flown away. -Yes. -Let's go back to sleep, Grandpa. -Let's go. -Sanju… -Yes? -close the doo

r. -Okay. -And switch off the lights. -Yes. This is the advantage of living together, Tisca. Living together is of great help during such emergencies-- "Emergency"? Did a leopard enter the house? Sanju! You heard him? Please tell him. Tell him before he finds out from someone else, Sanjay. "Tell him, Sanjuoy!" Will you tell him or should I? -Hey! -Dad! What?! -Us moving out is a major decision. -But you know Dad. He'll ask, "Everything is going so well, why do you want to move out?" -We have to

inform him at some point-- -Fine! I'll think of something. But you don't tell him anything directly, please. Switch off the lights and come. It's easy, Sanju. Sanju… Ayushi. I have to share something important. Okay, say. -It's… -Say it! You know… What? Bun in the oven? Sanju's cheating? No! You're a serial killer? There's breaking news. What? Holy son of a gun! Mind your language. You should be ashamed! What did I do, Tisca? Either say "holy shit" or "son of a gun". What's "holy son of a gun"?

-O, English teacher-- -What? Want this breaking news to hit the headlines of Dholakia Times, right? Wait a minute… On Sunday, Dad is taking us for our family "hog, swim, play… Gujjus' day out". We will make Sanju spill the milk there. Beans! Ramesh, smile. Come on, smile. She asked you to just smile. She's over there-- Is that why you're grimacing? Fool! I mean, generally… Okay, family! Truth and dare? -Yeah, let's start. -Mom… -Yes? -please get that bottle. -You heard her? -I'll be right there.

There she goes with her "Mum-in-law Service"! -Pallavi… -Yes? you should get paid for being her secretary. Couldn't you get the bottle yourself? Have you decorated your feet with henna, cropped-hair girl? Henna and her? You hadn't even applied it on your wedding day! You didn't even make a middle parting in your hair, remember? Poor Sanju was wondering where to apply the wedding vermilion! I told Sanju… he should just apply it on the priest's head. He had such long hair and spoke fluent Gujarat

i. The priest would have come handy during festivals… this girl knows nothing about festival traditions. Grandma… Look at her! Cropped-hair, thick-skinned girl! Anyone else in her shoes would've wanted to move out. Am I right, Sanjay? Grandma, it's Sanjuoy! "Juoy!" I've paid 50,000 rupees to change the spelling of my name. It was a waste of money, ask for a refund. -Hello, ma'am. -Hello. Welcome, Mr. Dholakia. Nice texture. Yeah-- -Very good fabric. -Thank you. Auntie, virgin mojito? No, thank y

ou. I can't drink… Auntie, don't worry this doesn't contain alcohol. -That's why I can't drink it. -Excuse me? Go and get me a chilled beer. -Okay. -Tell me something… what happened to your hand? What happened? -Fracture? -No. Dog bite? Ma'am, I sprained my hand lifting heavy weights at the gym. -Lovely. -Yeah… Yeah… Here, keep this ointment. -All-purpose, works on everything. -Okay. -Herpes. -Yeah. Gas… vertigo. It is good for sprains too. I see. I'm a chemist, you know. Go and get my beer now.

-Yes, ma'am. -Chilled! Done? Did you wash your hands? They're still wet. Here you go. -Please sit, Mom… -No, you sit. -I'm keeping an eye on Aryan. -Yes. -Start the game. -I'm starting. Go on. Dad! What will it be, truth or dare? Truth. Always truth. Okay. If you were a woman-- Why? Why a woman? Pallavi is a woman, how could I also be-- It's just an example, Ramesh. If you were a woman… Which movie star would you marry? Marry? -Aamir Khan. -And have an affair with? John Abraham. Wow! Dad's got

the hots for Johnny! Oh my God! Man to man! Ayushi! I don't have the hots for anyone. I'm a Gujarati. -A pure vegetarian. -Vegetarian? -Vegetarian! -Yes. Even my omelets are vegetarian ones. You guys always ask weird questions and embarrass me. -Okay, I'm spinning again. -We're just kidding, Dad! -Again? -Hey! Dad, listen… -Grandma. -Yes? What will it be? Truth or-- Dare. I'm a daredevil. So, Daredevil-Lata… sing a flirty hot song for Grandpa… an original song you've composed right now. Ayushi…

Wait and watch… the amazing Hemlata Gulzar. Give me that pen. Baa, let's have a poetry session now. Sure. "Hey… listen, my lord. Hey!" Go for it, Madam Hemlata. My thoughts… "I, Hemlata Mansukhlal Dholakia" This is a public place, Hemlata. Don't overdo it. "You're a handsome young man… I'm a fair, delicate female. You are my secret password… and I am your email." -Superb! -Superb! "Type "Mansukhlal" and my heart gets smacked. You are the antivirus that prevents me from getting hacked." -Wow! -Su

perb! Wait, I have more. "I am a rickety car, you are my diesel. I thirst for you, my dear…" Quick, get her a chilled beer! Rubbish. -Too good, Grandpa! -Too good! Else… Ramesh will say… "Baa, don't be so naughty… after all we're vegetarian, and to top it off Gujarati!" Okay. Enough for now, Grandma. Let's just spin the bottle. Aryan, I'm getting the starters. -No, let's screw the bottle. -Yeah. -Sanju! -What? Your turn now. Truth or dare? Truth. But-- So… are you thinking of moving out into you

r own apartment? What! Tisca, you-- Yes, I've only given these papers to her. But-- Papers? What papers? It's the layout plan and agreement of our new apartment. Sanju has booked an apartment. Booked an apartment? Already? When? Last week. -Truth! -Last year. What? Esquire Emperor Towers, 22nd floor, Dad. Sanju… you're moving out? -Dad. -Ramesh… -Dad. -Baa, please take care of Aryan. -Ramesh! -Ramesh! -Ramesh, wait! -Aryan… Oh, no! Where did he go? Aryan! -Aryan, where are you? -I'm here, Grandm

a. You gave me a fright, silly boy. Stand here, right here. What is it, Sheela? Hello, who is this? What do you mean? You're the one who called. I'll speak to you later. Sanju and his cropped-hair wife have dropped a bomb. How big? Why do want to know the size? Bye! Ramesh, wait up. Come back here. -I won't. -Come back… No, I won't! What if someone here has gas or acidity? Be right there. You find it funny? My son is moving out -and you're laugh-- -Dad… Why, Sanju? Why are you crying, son? I'm h

is father, Papa. You wouldn't know a father's love… -Right! -Correct. Isn't it? Your father got you in barter, hadn't he? Bartered his old pants for a street seller's mustached, medicine-obsessed son! -Baa… -Fool! -Baa… -Don't you-- -Baa, Ramesh… -Don't do this here… there are so many people around… Where? I don't see any. -Continue, Ramesh. -Come on, Baa. -Come on, Hemlata. -What?! -Son… -Yes? if you must mope and cry go ahead and do so, but don't do it here. Okay. How did you even think of mov

ing out? -It's a home, not a paracetamol… -Oh God! -that you'll go and get your own strip. -He's right. And how is the area? How is the apartment? It's very good. I'm guessing it is… I see… you've kept it secret from your father but you've told him. Why are you angry with Sanju? This guy is remotely controlled by her… the shorts-wearing daughter of that wig-wearing man. -No, Grandma… -What do you mean? Pallavi, every day they'll feast on chicken, eggs, duck meat… -Am I right? -Be quiet, Baa. -Sa

nju… -Guys, Suresh Uncle is online. I'm okay… -Catch. -Suresh is calling. Hello, Indians. -Hello. -How are you? How's everything? What's new? -Cheers. -What's new, Ramesh? Betrayal, Suresh! Sanju has bought a new apartment for himself. I know. Papa and Sanju have informed me. It wasn't me. Grandpa told him. Suresh… forget about this betrayal story. It must be 3:00 a.m. in USA right now… It is. Why are you calling us so late in the night? -Yeah! -Well… I'll call you tomorrow, bye. Hear that? He's

hiding something from us. The nephew is following in his uncle's footsteps! Sanju, if you move out our Gujarati traditions-- Suresh, for example, has become a westerner after moving to USA. Isn't it? -What am I… -Suresh is more Indian than you are. When Hemlata was sick, he took the first flight back home unlike you. I was the first one to reach the hospital. Yeah, you stood at the pharmacy shop and created a scene about condoms being displayed at the cash counter-- Tell me, who keeps such "adu

lt" items at the cash counter? Your father. There was an offer too, "Buy 12 condoms and get an after-shave free." Our friend Jaisukhbhai would buy four dozens at a time. What would he do with four dozen condoms? Return gifts for birthdays. -And you-- -How much will you charge, to keep quiet? Twenty crore rupees in cash! Twenty crore rupees it seems! This guy makes the mistake and I'm being-- -Calm down. -Mom! Calm down, Ramesh, Baa… -Why didn't he tell me about it? -Ramesh, calm down! Guys! Stop

! Grandma. Listen to me. Dad, what do you want? Tisca and I have a dream… to decorate our own house with everything that we like. To create our own world. This dream… should I give up this dream? Yes, give it up. Did he just say that? Try once again. Dad… should I give up this dream? Yes, I just told you to. Give it up. Look… because it's not going to work I'm going to say, "Baa… in Las Vegas… you hypnotized me." Okay, I'm sorry. I will say I was stoned. Okay… maybe I'll say that I… This must've

been started by India-Gate-to-Gateway-of-India. She must've planned this. Boy, give me three plates of ragda pattice. Grandma, I've said this many times that I'm not the one who wants to move out. And why will you, Ladies-tailor? You sit in the comfort of our home, design those expensive clothes and earn millions… while Pallavi takes care of all the household work. Of course you wouldn't want to leave. But that's their equation. Why are you interfering, Dragon-lata? And why won't I? My daughter

-in-law is being exploited by her daughter-in-law… I won't sit quiet. Day before yesterday… Day before yesterday… Sanju! What was that event at Aryan's school? What was it? STD? PCO? Grandma, it was a PTM, parent-teachers meeting. Right, PTM. -Did you attend it? -No. Because Mom already-- Because for PTM you have this ATM. ATM? Anytime-mother-in-law. You! Fool! Come on, Baa. This poor girl always-- "Poor girl"? You've hypnotized her, you cropped-hair woman. -Grand-- -Every morning you come and a

sk sweetly, "Mom, can you please make masala dosa for Aryan?" And her heart melts and she says, "I'll feed him as well" and then keeps running back and forth. And because you take advantage of Pallavi, you don't want to move out. Yes or no? Having Mom is definitely an advantage. Yeah… And she's the reason I don't want to move out. -But-- -That's it. Heard it? Straight from donkey's mouth. Horse's mouth. Correct my grammar later. -Just a minute, Baa… -Speak up. Tisca, are you trying to say that y

ou want to stay back only because you can take advantage of me? No… -Mom… -What do you mean "no"? You just admitted it. Mom, you're a godsend and I'm eternally thankful to you for whatever you do for me but-- Have you ever thanked her? Mom… It was Pallavi's birthday last week. I gifted her a bottle of champagne. -But that… -I know, I finished it myself. Ramesh gifted her a nose-hair trimmer. What about you? You earn so much… you didn't even gift her a petticoat, let alone a sari! That's because

the sari wasn't ready, Grandma. Sari wasn't ready or you weren't ready? "I don't want to move out!" Of course you don't! Your mother-in-law is at your beck and call, while you lead a carefree life, doll! How do you like the poem? Enough, Grandma. Excuse me. -Mom, listen… -Poor Pallavi… Grandma is twisting it all. Mom! You're indeed my lifesaver. For me, you're… you're… what's the right word… Maid. Nanny. -No… -Maid servant? Fine, domestic help. Maid-servant-in-law is the best one. You can call m

y dear Pallavi by any name… -Mom… -Hope you've made it spicy? It's okay. -It's okay. -Mom… Now I know why you don't want to move out. -Go ahead… -Mom! -Do what you want to! -Dad… What… This is super spicy… Like your words. Why did you do that? What have I done? Try this. They decided to move into another house. Even before changing my hair color, I ask… whether to use dark brown, very dark brown or black. Even before buying bananas, I ask-- I got it in the first example, Ramesh. You should get i

t too! They will visit us often. I'm their permanent babysitter after all. Even before changing the TV channel-- Aryan, my baby. Get up. Let's go to my room and listen to stories. I'll take him, Mom. No. Take advantage of me, for as long as you're here. Mom, I… -Come, Aryan. -No, I want to stay with Grandma. I said, come. Let's go. Aryan will also leave with Sanju. What will we do, Pallavi? Suresh, what's it? Hello, Papa… are you alone? There's no one around you, right? Yes, son. What is it? I h

ave to tell you something very important. What?! -Come, Aryan. -Eat it while it's still hot. Mom, the same breakfast again? Why, Mom? What do you mean "Why Mom"? Once you go to your new house, you'll miss this breakfast. Because this modern wife of yours… I bet her ultra-modern mother didn't even teach her how to butter a slice of bread! Isn't it? I'm sure she tosses a coin to decide which side to butter. Want me to reheat yesterday's leftovers? Tempura denzongappa. Yeah, that one. Papa… I'm the

one who paid 1,650 rupees for that… and now he wants to live separately. You heard that, Ayushi? He has spent money on me, that's why it's compulsory for me to stay here. I'm obliged to, isn't it, Dad? -I'm obliged! -Enough! Don't talk like this in front of Aryan. No… go ahead, shout at me. Shout. You too, Ayushi. You as well, Kanakavalli. Okay. No. You don't shout at me. Fine. Let's go, Aryan. I'll drop you to school. -Let's go. -It's okay, Mom. I'll drop him. What's going on? I drop him every

day, don't I? You take advantage. I know. Guys, Suresh Uncle is online. Grandma… -Yes? -Guys… -Is Suresh calling? -Yes. Hello, Suresh. Hey, Indians! How's everything? What's new? Forget all that… It's high time for you to find a fair Gujarati girl to marry. Mummy, I… Drop the bomb. Bomb? Actually, Mummy, I… was in Las Vegas last week. Did you gamble away all your money? -No. -Are you broke? Oh, no. Did you get into a fight? Murder? -Did you kill someone? -I… If he had murdered someone, would he

have been asking you what's new? Mummy, I was in Las Vegas last week and I… I got married. Wow! Married? To whom? Is it a man or a woman? What do you mean, man or woman? Silly girl. Ask him if she's a Gujarati. Baa… Suresh, you've married a fair Gujarati girl, right? Mummy, meet your daughter-in-law… K… Namaste, Mama. Namaste, Papa. I'm Kwamboka. My wife… Kwamboka Nyongo Dholakia. Kenyan-American, now Indian-Gujarati.