It was a nice day... I was at the beach, with
my Mum and my best friend. We were sitting there relaxing. Anyway this guy comes up to us he says
"I'm a photographer can I take your photo? I'll send it you afterwards" and I said "sure" you know
so he took one of me and my Mum. Couple of days later he sends it me. It's amazing... I couldn't
stop looking at it... it were like me, but so much better than me... the perfect
version of me... no blemishes, nothing. I just... I was entranced by it, I
couldn't
stop looking. Whatever he'd done to that photo, it was just, wow. At work I just kept pulling out
my phone to look at him. I just looked so HOT. I took one day off work and just spent the whole
day with that photo. It's just, it's amazing, I started fantasising about it. I thought
about him day and night, and then one morning, I woke up, and he were there, right next to
me in bed. He touched my face, ran his finger along my cheeks. It was just beautiful, it was
so special. We spe
nt days together... I told him everything I was thinking and feeling... all my
insecurities, everything that were troubling me. He never said that much back to me,
but I felt like he was listening. I could just stare at him all day long. And
the sex was amazing. He wasn't very involved, but it didn't matter, I just... I could worship
him. Well, a couple of months went by, I wasn't even going into work I just stayed with him all
day. One morning I woke up and he were gone, he weren't there.
I didn't know where
he'd gone. He turned up late at night, I said "Where were you you?" he said I was on
a photo shoot" I was like "Oh okay, all right". Next day he were gone too. So he
comes back a couple of days later, properly knackered, I said "Where were you?"
he said "Oh I was doing a photo shoot in Dubai. I'm a brand ambassador for Ferrari now". I was
happy for him, really I was, I mean that's what love is. I wanted to see him do well in life...
and uh, but then I saw him with someo
ne else. At this fancy restaurant, through the window. This
woman, she were proper fit, like you know some model or something. And I confronted him, I said
"What are you doing? What are you doing to us?". She just looked at me and said "Ewwww,
gross!" turned around and walked off. He said "you aren't good enough for me. Look at
me, I'm flawless, and you're holding me back". I didn't know what to think. I just left it and walked away. 'Couple of
weeks later I saw my friend on the street, he
said "Hey there's this audiobook, you got to
listen to it! It's amazing, changed my life... he looks a lot like you actually, but he's
gorgeous". Well, I listened to the audiobook, and it were all just it was just, like,
rewritten, easier to read bits of Buddhism, but it cost 30 quid. Months later he's
everywhere... big celebrity. He's got a talk show, magazine, he's packing out stadiums
everywhere just like, talking at people. I bought a ticket, and went along to one of his
shows. It were
outside, in a park, sponsored by Meta. It was huge, like, hundreds of people,
crying and screaming his name. Absolutely packed out. He finally came on stage and started to talk.
He just said "you..." "are..." "your..." "own..." Every single word he said, the audience was
erupting afterwards. My leg was wet from the tears of the girl next to me. Well, they finally
calmed down. He talked for about five minutes. All this stuff about overcoming
adversity, and the struggles in his life, and bei
ng your own light. "When you're inside
you're looking out to the outside in"... "You can be anything wherever you're from".
Course that were bollocks! A couple of months ago he were just a photo. When he said "the
only reality is you" this man next to me, his eyes started bleeding. I said "are you okay?" and
he said "yeah, I'm better than I've ever been". In the front row, a teenager were
injecting himself with squirrel fat, which she'd been told would make herself look more
like him. He'd
put a post up on Instagram the day before showing you how to do it. I couldn't take
anymore. I stood up and I screamed I said "why are you listening to this idiot? He's just a JPEG
come to life"... they all swarmed, jumped on me, hundreds of people, attacking me, scraping at
my face till it were bleeding. It were hard but I managed to crawl out from under them. I got
to the front of the stage. He'd already left, to do a photo shoot with Taylor Swift posing in
diamond baseball caps with hom
eless people. Which it later emerged they both got paid five million
for. So there I am facing the whole audience... and I stepped up to the mic and I just said "He don't know anything about anything".
Someone screams out "'Course he does! He's gorgeous"... "You can't talk that way
about him he's an international treasure". Someone else said "You probably only paid
for the second tier of Premium membership, if you'd have paid for the first tier, you'd know
the depth of his wisdom." "You're
just like him, but the ugly shit version". I said "Yeah,
I'm a mess. But he's just an image. There are billions of us, and like a thousand
people like that guy. We're all a bit messed up, most of us make mistakes, and we fail. Some
people get lucky, and it's great they get lucky, but it's not all of us, we can't all be that. It's
okay to not be at the centre of everything, or the best. Shouldn't we be helping each other before
listening to these pricks? There's nothing wrong with some of th
e things he's saying, but there are
people who said it better first, and they didn't blend it with their unfettered financial interests
and make millions out of every appearance. They said it for free. Maybe you don't
feel like being your own light right now, and that's okay. You can be flawed".
Then I stopped, and I looked at them. I couldn't believe it... they were
listening to me. Hanging on my every word. It made me feel so good. So I
carried on... "look at me! I'm nowhere near as good
looking as my idealized photo come to
life, but I'm still okay, so maybe there's hope for all of us?". I told them about my struggles
and my demons, and all the problems I'd had, and they couldn't get enough. So a little while
after I did a short course with a Media Trainer, my audiobooks have now sold his two to one!
I made millions and I'm doing an arena tour next month. You get a discount of 15 percent
on the tickets if you buy my new CBD gummies. I just might have some advice for you..
.
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