Retired From Dating | Stand Up Comedy By Tarang Hardikar

tried asking my friends how to be on a date they give you weird stuff like oh just be chill man just be chill be chill how to be chill just be cool you decide on a temperature no no once you are chill you will be cool okay then you will be hot how okay I I'll tell you what I'm not understanding see W this is the human temperature [Music] scale how many of you over here are dating give me a chair okay good for you I used to date now I have retired yeah I have retired yeah I went on one good date

few months back and I decided to end my career on a high she started laughing I was like let's call it started walking out like are you leaving me like no I am leaving the business this industry I am leaving because it's hard it's hard out there man people are not even they're not even saying things like we are dating anymore they have started saying things like we are seeing each other have you seen we are seeing each other are you dating no no no she is visible sometimes when I open my eyes sh

e's there if things go forward we'll smell each other consent from both our parents we'll taste each other that's why when you are kissing you close your eyes because if you open you'll see each other no no no seeing each other new things are coming out I'm not understanding only let somebody a couple said we are exclusive what are you merchandise like no no we are not merchandise merchandise has [Music] label feel like and and these terms I just cannot understand because I feel like every year

the dating community take something from the English language and makes it romantic yeah yesterday I was standing with a friend somewhere somebody was like are you with each other yeah we are with like oh with oh with is gone you took with no no no we are we are around each other we are in the vicinity of that is our relationship you guys like out also out is the favorite word of the dating Community making out going out asking out so who decided to ask out how indoors have we become as a commun

ity of species that moment you tell somebody you want to step out it is romantic you go out you see nature you're like marriage next every day new thing has come up and I can't keep up because you know I have a I have a problem with dates in general I don't know what to say I have this thing called social anxiety yeah uh I tried doing therapy for it my therapist was like come meet me I'm like no no that's the problem I can't meet only people give me Simple Solutions they're like they don't overt

hink you are overthinking the problem with this feedback it is always comes after you have overthought nobody tells you when you are reaching the limit of thinking that you should quit thinking always after you have overthought like invalid I don't want to overthink it's just my thinking does not get over it's hard it's hard you know and when people give you advice never ask men about how to be on a date because guys are very weird about it they'll say stuff like oh always look out for body lang

uage when when did normal language stop being I feel like language was fine we didn't have to shift to body language and every language is body language because mouth is a part of body only right and I have been speaking from my mouth for 25 years never thought I should try [Music] legs they give you guys make girls sound like they're some kind of alien species that we have just made contact with somebody told me oh they speak with their eyes eyes I've met girls they speak with their mouth only

like okay second TI always listen like how will I listen if she's speaking with her [Applause] eyes it's just very bad I don't know how to be on a date you know I ask my friends what should I do cuz it was it was way better in school you know in school we didn't have all this I was in s school yeah wo wo yeah trauma always comes out like this inerts like woo woo I hope nobody notices yeah I was in SEC School in SEC school we didn't we just would propose remember we just propose fourth standard c

hildren are proposing we proposed before we learned what that word meant in English language teacher would teach propose we like we've done it you don't know how much and then we used to say I love you you know that was thing love was trending back then now you can't do it now if you're like I love you like wo wo I just like you like whatever you said same thing just the verb is different I have become so scared of saying love now if I go to a movie with a friend and the friend is like I love th

is movie like oh have you asked the movies parents you can't say that and like okay but what do you feel about the movie I am seeing it that's all that's all I can say even my mom calls me she's like I love you like that's too soon mom too soon how long have you been my mother only 25 years no then then to but I there was something pure about that time in school you know because we were not ashamed to love which was which was a sweet thing right now people make you feel ashamed for ridiculous th

ings like being single also yeah just the word single is so derogatory yeah they yeah sing single means one person they are making one person feel ashamed to be one person you walk on the road be like why aren't you multiple like sorry I came out like this only tried asking my friends how to be on a date they give you weird stuff like oh just be chill man just be chill be chill how to be chill just be cool you decide on a temperature no no once you are chill you will be cool okay then you will b

e hot how okay I I'll tell you what I'm not understanding see this is the human temperature scale cool is great cool is always great yeah everybody wants to be everybody wants to be cool nobody knows what it is some it's a concept you to tell somebody oh she was so cool yeah yeah she was so cool we both go home thinking what was she exactly that nobody knows chill is great chill you have to be chill basically is a word for zero yeah you do nothing people ask you what are you doing chili chill is

just a cool way of saying [Music] nothing warm is also great for 2 minutes first 2 minutes warm welcome that's great you get a warm welcome people get over warm very quickly yeah then they're like now change temperature hot is great all the time right everybody wants to be hot but what warm is friendly hot is sexual so according to my understanding somewhere between 25° and 35° sex gets involved 31° approximately is the temperature of human [Laughter] reproduction so hot is great warm is great

chill is great cool is great cold is bad you can't be cold people ask me Tang why are you being cold like I sorry I tried to be cool and I guess I overdid it so this is my problem okay if you're on a date then you have to be cool but not cold chill warm for the first 2 minutes hot all the time it's so hard it's extremely hard IED explaining this to a friend he was like Tang you [Music] overthinking don't overthink