[sighing]
I remember my first visit to the Krusty Krab. I don't know. This doesn't look
like a family restaurant. Oh. Well, what do you think,
baby? Would you like to eat here? [music playing] [laughing]
Well, okay, then. What would you like? [music playing] Krabby Patty! [music playing] Mm, yummy. [crying] [screaming] [crying] My moment of triumph! What?! What's the? Oh, gross. I command you
to stop drooling on me. [shrieking]
Put me down! Ow! Stop it!
I'm an adult! Yow!
[screaming] Huh? I don'
t believe it! The Krabby Patty formula!
He's teething on it! Give it here,
you big stupid baby! Ow! [laughing] [laughing] [groaning] I've got it! Just like taking candy
from a baby! Get it, Krabs? Like taking candy from you! Hey, what are you doing? [laughing] Ooh. Uh-oh. [clearing throat] Mama's evil little genius needs
a diaper! I bet SpongeBob's first patty
didn't go so well, either. [squawking]
Roll film. [babbling] [laughing] [music playing] [laughing] A perfect patty
on the first try. Oh,
I'll make a Potty Patty
out of you! Who are the barnacles
is SpongeBob SquarePants? I believe you went
to kindergarten with him, dear. Kindergarten, huh? Oh, yeah, SquarePants. Well, I guess
it's time to move again. Oh. [laughing] Come on, little man. Let's go a couple rounds
if you think you're tough. Why should we? Because it'll show...
what a... little man you are. [screaming] [music playing] Huh. Nah. No. [music playing] [music playing] [music playing] [taking deep breath] Okay, well,
that's
every available house in Bikini Bottom. My secret garden is
finally done. [thudding] [music playing] Oh.
Yeah, I forgot about that one. [music playing] It's beautiful. I'll take it. [music playing] Hi, neighbor.
I'm SpongeBob SquarePants. And we're gonna be
bestest friends. Hey, Patrick. Guess who just moved in
right next door? Neighbor hug. [groaning] [meowing] Gary, this won't be easy,
but the time has come where I must say... [groaning] Oh, Gary.
It's a framed photo of the moment
I picked yo
u out at the pound. I remember that day
like it was yesterday. Oh, and a photo of the time you built me a castle made
of glitter and lollipops. [sniffling]
Gary, this is the most special- Oh! Nice try, Gary. Meow! Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late,
I gotta tell you- Permission to come aboard,
Captain. I've been training
my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew,
and now I'm ready. [screaming] [screaming] So, uh, when do I start? Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have
your
sea legs. Mr. Krabs, please. I'll prove
I'm fry cook material. Ask Squidward,
he'll vouch for me. No. Well, lad, we'll give ya a test, and if you pass,
you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me a...
a... hydro-dynamic spatula with, um... port
and starboard attachments, and turbo drive! And don't come back
till you get one! Aye aye, captain!
One hydrodynamic spatula, with port
and starboard attachments, turbo drive,
coming right up sir! Carry on. We'll never see
that lubber again. You're
terrible. A hydro-what? [laughing] Meep meep meep! Good-bye, Mr Squidward! Oh Mr. Krabs! [crying] Permission to come aboard,
Captain. Da da da da da da da!
Da da da da da da da da da da! Did someone order a spatula? [stuttering] That's right!
One hydrodynamic spatula with port-and-starboard
attachments! And let's not forget
the turbo drive! Would you believe
they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! Who's hungry?! Meep, meep, meep... ♪ Things that bother you
Never bother me ♪ ♪ I feel happ
y and fine, aha ♪ ♪ Living in the sunlight
Loving in the moonlight, ♪ ♪ Having a wonderful time ♪ ♪ Haven't got a lot
I don't need a lot ♪ ♪ Coffee's only a dime ♪ ♪ Living in the sunlight
Loving in the moonlight ♪ ♪ Having a wonderful time ♪ ♪ Just take it from me ♪ ♪ I'm just as free
As any daughter ♪ ♪ I do what I like
Just what I like ♪ ♪ And how I love it ♪ ♪ [music playing] ♪ ♪ I'm right here to stay
When I'm old and gray ♪ ♪ I'll be right in my prime ♪ ♪ Living in the
sunlight
Loving in the moonlight, ♪ ♪ Having a wonderful time ♪ ♪ Do-do do-do do do-do-do do ♪ ♪ Do-do-do do do-do do ♪ ♪ La-le-le-la
Do-do do do-do do do-do do ♪ That was the finest
fast foods man ship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants!
Welcome aboard! But, but Mr. Krabs- Three cheers for SpongeBob!
Hip-hip! - Hooray, Mr.-
- Hip-hip! -Hooray.
-Hip-hip! Hooray. Mr. Krabs! I'll be in my quarters,
counting up the booty. You don't need a "professional"
to teach you how to drive. You know, Mr. K
rabs
at boating school, Mrs.- Get that booting school malarkey
out of your mind, son. It's all a racket. [gasping]
It is? And that goes
for every kind of schoolin'. Why, there ain't nothing
truly important you can't learn on the streets with half
a jigger of common sense, and your own two claws. Now put 'er in gear. Okay. [screeching] [thudding] [growling, laughing] Eh, rookie mistake, boy.
Happens all the time. It does? No, but you got the right fire
in your belly. -I do?
-Yeah. [Chuckles] Well
, you know what we need is
a change of venue. This empty parking lot is
just the ticket. Like every young person,
the novice boater needs plenty of open,
obstacle-free space and the freedom
to make mistakes. Mr. Krabs, you're so wise. [chuckles]
Can't disagree with you there. All right, put 'er in gear! [thudding, shattering] Hmm. Rookie mistake, right? I suppose so. Now slowly inch forward
and we'll check out the damage. Inch, inch.
Inch, inch, inch. Inch, inch. [thudding] Oh, broken wall.
That
's about $15,000. Oh, kitchen fire.
Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. Ooh, lawsuit?
Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! [groaning] Alright, Krabs,
get a hold of yourself. You've been in worse fixes
than this. Why, you've stared down
the cannon's mouth, haven't ya? Look at that face. Bleah! Is this the face
of your final defeat? Is it, Krabs? Now, here's a place
you should be comfortable with. Oh, I'll say. Just take a look around, boy-o:
Home sweet home. Nothing to make you twitchy
and jumpy. Oh,
just the opposite, in fact.
A place so soothing and sweet, like a mother's gentle lullaby
on a soft summer's night. [snoring] [honking] Oh, brother. Let's start
with something simple: A little trip down the street
to Patrick's house. Patrick's house! [screaming, thudding] I'll have one Krabby Patty,
please. -Okay.
-Upsell! [sighing]
Would you like fries with that? Yeah, sounds good. Better. Okay, that was just fine,
but next time, wait until I say,
"Put 'er into gear." [screeching, thudding] You
missed one. [thudding] [sighing] A simple trip
to Patrick's house: A line so straight and true. Mr. Krabs, let's just leave
the boat here and walk. Well, we, you know,
we could do that. But you can't learn to drive
without a boat. Or can ye? You'll certainly learn
the way of the road with this here top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art
technological simulator. Now hand me one of them tokens. You'll need
your protective headgear. I'm doing it, Mr. Krabs!
I'm driving a boat! Uh-oh. [braking, crashing
] Sixth place! [thudding] [screeching, thudding] [screeching] Hey, look, Mr. Krabs.
I'm actually driving. Great job, boy.
[gasping] [thudding] [screeching] [hammering] [thudding, clattering] Phew. [thudding] [screeching] Hmm.
[gasping, screaming] [screaming] Well, at least I didn't hit
the Krusty Krab that time. [chuckles] [thudding] [knocking] Oh, hello, SpongeBob,
what a nice surprise. Come here and give your granny
her kissy kissy. Sorry, Grandmother,
but the kissing has to stop. Tell her li
ke it is, SpongeBob.
No more baby stuff. He is right, Grandmother. Kisses are babies,
which I am no longer. I have grown up.
It is nature's way. Oh. You are absolutely right. I am?
I mean, of course I am. You will definitely
not be treated like a baby around here
ever again. I am glad you see it
my way, Grandmother. Well, I'm glad that's settled.
But what am I going to do with all
these fresh baked cookies? [laughing]
Sorry, grandmother. We adults don't partake
in the consumption of sweets. Righ
t, Pat... trick? Keep 'em coming, Granny. So much for no more baby stuff. And don't forget
the cookie eating hat. [laughing] Hey,
that's my cookie eating hat. Uh, I mean, it was
when I was a baby. [groaning] [knocking] Well, look who's here.
It's my big old adult grandson. Grandmother, I need
to have a mature conversation with Mr. Patrick. Patrick! What are you doing?!
Cookies?! Warm milk?! A bib?! Is that a kissy mark
on your forehead?! We are supposed to be adults! Oh, oh, no roughhousing
with
a full tummy. [laughing] Who's the baby? I'm the baby,
I'm the baby, I'm the baby! [clearing throat] Being grown up is boring.
I love being a baby. Besides, I don't get jazz. [chuckles]
Poor Patrick. I almost feel sorry for you. Trapped in the awkward phase
of diaper days... never to know the rich rewards
of being a grownup. Here's a fresh batch of cookies. All right! Rewards, huh? Well, yeah, there's, eh...
well, let's see, we... We went over the jazz... Oh, Grandma, I'm full. More cookies. [w
histling] It appears to be my lunch hour.
Grownups have to eat to. I guess this will have to do. You don't want this baby food. How about a big piece
of steamed coral? Oh yeah, uh... great. [shattering] Nutritious. Storytime! Oh, boy! Storytime,
story time, story time! Storytime? You'll enjoy this, Patrick. It's a wonderful story
about a magical sea leprechaun. Oh, SpongeBob,
you wouldn't be interested in this baby book. Here's the technical manual
on routine active maintenance. Oh, uh... great.
Yeah.
Fascinating. No pictures,
just the way I like it. D'oh! My wittle finger! Hold still, hold still. All better? Sorta. This finger hurts
a little bit too. [kissing]
How about I give you a present? Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies! Alright! Another hat! No, Patrick, it's a sweater. Huh? With love in every stitch. No... Don't I get a present, Grandma? Oh, I almost forgot. Here's some office supplies.
I didn't wrap them. I knew you wouldn't mind. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Uh-oh, three o'clock,
time
for adults to go to work. Bye-bye, SpongeBob. I'll bet you'd fancy a nap,
huh, Patrick? [yawning] You still here, SpongeBob? Uh, I don't need to leave yet.
I can be late for work. No, no, no, that wouldn't be
the adult thing to do. Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh,
got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so,
uh, I'll see ya later. Okay, thanks for stopping by,
SpongeBob. [gasping] [music playing] You can see who wears
the pants in here! Is that my daddy? I wish. Uh, excuse me,
sir.
That door is for employees only. Oh, SpongeBob. [sniffing] There is something different
about you today. You seem more able-bodied. Well, must be the long pants. So they are!
You run the register today. Hi. How are ya? Looking good.
Mustard with that? Alright. How is that patty treating you,
sir? Are you an angel? No, merely a man,
a man in long pants. Ah! Ah! Ah! [gasping] Oh, my precious long pants! What's wrong, slick? Your not having trouble
with your pants, are ye? Nothing like that, M
r. Krabs. I just don't think
I'm maitre'd material. Yeah, you're right,
you're too good for this place. [burping] As much as I hate to admit it,
I've outgrown the Krusty Krab. Time for me to move on! [whistling] Where's he going? A place called... manhood. [music playing] Today's special is
a most amusing Indian Ocean sea grass handpicked by indigenous prawns,
pre-chewed by local manatees, and then smothered
in a rich, red algae. [mumbling] Extraordinary. And may I add those are
very impressive
britches -you're wearing.
-Britches? [laughing]
Oh, oh, these old things? -What is your name?
-SpongeBob! [grunting] Ah, Sponge Robert. Well, Sponge Robert,
how would you like to join us? We're going to a party. Boy, would I! I love parties! [music playing] [laughing] [music playing] [indistinct chatter] What are you looking for,
Sponge Robert? I'm looking for the party. This is the party. Well,
where's all the party hats, were's the cake, and the clown? You can't have a party
without a clown. O
h, Sponge Robert,
if it weren't for your pants, I'd take you for the type
of immature ignaramus that would frequent
the Krusty Krab. [chuckles]
Yeah. Hey, what's that? The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy
movie is opening tonight! Wow! I totally forgot! Hey guys, I got an idea. Let's all go
to the Mermaid Man movie. [laughing]
You're incorrigible! But le cinema is
a delightful idea. There is a foreign film at the art house
I've been meaning to see. It's called, "The Table." I don't get it. We have b
een staring
at this table for three hours. That table could use a cleaning. Shh! Some people are trying
to enjoy le cinema. Oh, hey Squidward. Hey, do you understand
what this movie is about? Nobody does,
it's art, now sit down! Hey Squidward? What?! Are you remembering
to flip the patties clockwise? It's very important
because the heat.. Please sit down! I'm sorry sir,
you're being too loud. I am going
to have to ask you to leave. Oh, wait, Squidward,
I'll walk you out. [grumbling] Squidward! H
ey SpongeBob, y'all going to see
the Mermaid Man movie with us? Sponge Robert?
Yoohoo? Are you coming? We're going to drink
some more coffee and watch the nightly news. Wow, that sounds
pretty grown up, Sponge Robert! My pants say yes, yes, yes,
but my heart says no! I want to see
the Mermaid Man movie! [laughing] Now you really sound
like one of those nitwits that frequents the Krusty Krab! Not only am I one
of those nitwits, I actually work there! Ahh! A peasant in long pants! Social-climbing
sponge! -Poser!
-Let's leave this bottom feeder. That-a-boy! Patrick, breakfast is ready! Alright! All this parenting stuff makes
me hungry. [burping] Hey, Junior,
how are you doing today? SpongeBob? Yes, Patrick? Kid's got a stinky. Can you take care of him?
My hands are kind of full. Ahh.
[Junior crying] Wish I could,
but I gotta get going. Going? Where are you going? I'm goin' to work.
I'm the dad, remember? You mean I have to do
all this baby stuff myself? I'll give you a break tonight
when
I get home. Don't you two stop being
adorable. [chuckles] Okay.
[chuckles] [Junior crying] Phew! What a day. Oh, great, you're home. Now you can help me
with the baby. Aw, gee, SpongeBob, I'd love to,
but I'm totally beat from work. Huh? [music playing] Ah...
[laughing] That guy got hit in the head
with a coconut! Patrick, what about my break? Oh, yeah, your break.
Tomorrow, I promise. Uh... okay, tomorrow. [baby crying] Huh? [groaning, Junior crying] [music playing] Patrick Star, we need to tal
k. Just one more minute. I gotta- Don't "one more minute" me,
Mr. Man. Hey, I'm missing the coconut! You haven't been helping
at all with Junior! We made a commitment
and you're not doing your share! You never do anything. I changed his diaper! Yeah, once. He's only this big. How many diapers
could he possibly use? Mmm?! Aw, that's not so much. Mmm?! So? Mmm?! Mmm?! Mmm?! [whimpering] I had no idea!
What kind of father am I?! [crying]
I'll make it up to you, buddy. I promise. [giggling] Oh boy,
that was some party! Oh, hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior. What? What? Oh, nothing. Oh, what a relief. For a second there
I thought you were mad at me. Do you remember what you said
to me this morning? Something about root beer,
right? [sighing]
No. Oh, wait, wait, let me guess! I give up. Does "you can take
the night off pal" ring a bell? [blowing raspberries]
I don't need this! What?!
Where do you think you're going? I'm going back to work! Work?! Grrrrr... [grunting] [laughing] He got hit
in the hea
d with two coconuts! So, this is work? You know,
it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes,
I gotta move the antenna. Sometimes, I lose the remote. And sometimes,
my butt itches real bad. Oh, you poor, poor thing. By the way,
you forgot your briefcase! [TV playing] Oh... so this is the thanks
I get for working overtime. Overtime?! [arguing] [arguing] [arguing, chirping] [chirping] There's that stupid noise again. Oh, that's not a stupid noise,
that's just Junior about to jump out
of that two-story
window. Oh. Junior!!! Here darling! Sweetie!
Right here! Come to daddy! Come to daddy!
Right in the old pocket! I'll catch you!
I'll catch you! I'll catch you! Did you catch him? No. [crying]
We're bad parents! [crying] [chirping, crying] [chirping] Junior? He's flying! I guess he's all grown up! [kissing, chirping] Hey... what about daddy? [chirping, kissing] That's my boy! Goodbye! Goodbye, Junior! Well, Patrick,
he doesn't need us anymore. This is the hardest part
of every parent's life, I a
ssume. Despite all we've been through,
it was worth it. Yeah. Let's have another. -Marco.
-Polo. [laughing] Found ya. Now it's your turn
to call Marco. Do I know you, young man? Patrick, it's me. Remember? ♪ Who lives in a pineapple
Under the sea? ♪ I don't know. Uh, a wizard? ♪ Absorbent and yellow
And porous is he ♪ ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪ [fluting] [laughing]
The one and only. Okay, now it's your turn
to call Marco Polo. Whoa-oh, I can't do that. I'm all wrinkled now.
I do old stuff. O
ld stuff? Like what? Check it out. This is called doddering. [groaning] Oh, here's another thing
I do now. It's called gumming. Neat, huh?
[laughing] Now, uh, this part's really fun.
It-It's called complaining. These kids today,
they don't know diddly squat! Wow, Patrick,
those are all great things, but wouldn't you rather go
jellyfishing? Ow! No, that hurts. We could build sandcastles. It's not structurally sound. Well, how 'bout blowing bubbles?
Nothing bad about a bubble. Ooh. Are you trying
to kill me, son? No, I just think
we should act our age. Remember when we used
to look forward to rainy days
and building cushion forts? These days, I only look forward
to my final exit. Oh, he was too young. No, I wasn't! No, he wasn't. We are not young. Come on, people.
Just 'cause you're old doesn't mean
you're rotting fish. You're still vital,
full of life. Fresh. Fresh, you say? Ahh. [loud indistinct chatter] [loud indistinct chatter] [music playing] [grunting] You're coming in too fast
on
the bridge and you're blowing clams! [screaming] Now that's what I call jazz! Ha, ha. So sorry.
Let me just take this. [grunting] [grunting] I can help you with that. [grunting] Eww. [laughing] Old people, behave! Whoa! [dinging] 23 skidoos! [groaning] [screaming]
SpongeBob! I'm drowning! I'm coming, Patrick! Thanks, old-timer. Oh, you're welcome. What,
who are you calling old-timer? Whoa. Where have the years gone? [groaning] I'm losing steam. Wait, hey, man. Don't make a scene
in front of all
my old friends. Oh. Ohh. Now I can't dodder. [beeping] Hmm.
Here you go, old friend. [beeping stops]
Huh? [groaning] Gotcha! [laughing] You got me again. I remember when a quarter
used to cost a nickel. [laughing] This baby gas is worthless! At least you're way too old
to stop me from stealing a Krabby Patty! What was that, sonny? It'll take more time to explain
than you have left. What? [laughing] He's got the Krabby Patty!
Catch him! Catch who? Oh, Gesundheit. [laughing] Victory is mine! [groa
ning, panting] Come back here,
you little whippersnapper! You kids get off my lawn! Oh, boy.
I'll catch up with you, boy. I'm catching up
with my knitting. That's it! Knit, little nitwit! That was almost too easy. What? No! I demand
you geezers release me! Right after the party.
The piñata party. What? That's for calling us old. Hey, quit it! I want candy! No!
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