hello everyone welcome to another uh peaceful solution character education program teacher certification class uh whether you're uh here at the peaceful solution headquarters or you're you're standing in your home you can please be seated we're going to be uh picking up in the um the self-control unit um will be on page 61 tonight I'm sorry 60 if you don't have a book you can if you're on watching over Facebook you can go ahead and click on the the tab there where at the top where it says downlo
ad the manual and if you click that little tab you'll see a few books there we're in the self-control teachers manual tonight we've been covering uh chapter three of this self-control manual Chris was the last teacher um and we got to page 60 we've been covering control your anger which is a really I think one of the most Central uh chapters in all of the peaceful and in fact I think it is probably the center of if you look at the all the manuals uh in the intermediate series it's probably right
in the middle of all five of those I think it's the centerpiece of the program because we need to learn you know really all of this combined is learning how to control you know the emotions especially the emotion of anger um as we learned in Chapter 2 you know we went over certain emotions like anger rage love jealousy um because those are the ones that are probably the most misunderstood and probably people experience them more than than most emotions but I think anger is the most misunderstoo
d emotion there is and the peaceful solution actually I'll tell you it it really helps to Define what anger is and it busts all the myths about anger and how you know people make us angry and etc etc it it destroys all those and demolishes all those myths concerning anger in our mind so we can learn that hey we are in control we can control our anger we control we can control all of our emotions if we're educated and we practice the things that we're learning here tonight so I want to First go o
ver to page no I I don't want to do that yet let's go ahead and let's put up that first slide do a little review here this is from page 31 in our book if you want to turn there if not you can just look at the slide here um it tells us you know under the negative emotions remember it says negative negative uncontrolled emotions uncontrolled emotions are the problem anger in itself is not a problem it's uncontrolled anger when we don't learn to control the emotion of anger that it can become a pro
blem not only for ourselves but others around us because our actions are going to affect those in our environment not only ourselves but property right because people destroy property when they're angry as well but let's look at the anger here it says anger is a strong feeling of displeasure res displeasure resentment or hostility and so what we have here is some definitions because we can't assume again you're dealing with junior high students right by the time they get to this book they might
be in the eighth grade their vocabulary most adults don't know couldn't really if you ask them to Define displeasure resentment or hostility they might not know how okay so we can't assume that these young people know these definitions so we've got to break it down for them and it's teachers we need to be writing in our manual these definitions so we also can pass that on to the children of what these mean in depth so let's look at displeasure it's says displeasure is a feeling of annoyance or d
isapproval okay it's where you feel annoyed or you disapprove of something the word resentment means bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly you know whether whether you've been really whether you've been actually mistreated unfairly or where whether you're imagining you've been mistreated unfairly sometimes disrespect is imagined it's not always real and you know we'll learn about that in in coming classes when we get to the respect manual I don't want to jump ahead and then there's
hostility hostility means hostile Behavior unfriendliness or opposition so we feel anger when we feel like we oppose something like we're against something like we're strong we feel strongly against a certain thing okay and we're going to learn more about that tonight when we get into the part about why we get angry so I don't want to jump ahead but I hope you wrote down these definitions again displeasure a feeling of annoyance or disapproval bitter IND resentment is bitter indignation at havin
g been treated unfairly and and hostility is hostile Behavior unfriendliness or opposition remember this is the definition of anger found on page 31 let's go to the next slide we're doing a review of the last class you know when I think about these these uh this is on page let me this is on page 59 uh when I think about the many faces of anger I normally actually that's the wrong slide can we go to the next slide and we'll come back to this one I didn't mean to get you hungry I don't know about
you but I like I like hot spicy food so okay so but let's look at um let's look at page um 58 first facts about anger that Chris went over um we learned that no one ever makes you angry you choose to become angry that's a big wakeup call for most people because most people don't believe you know what do you mean no one makes me angry somebody just made me angry a little while ago what do you mean they didn't make me angry you know what they said or what they did made me angry well as as we're le
arning well you became angry but your anger was a result of not controlling your first emotion because we learned that you know anger is a secondary emotion that means that you don't get angry first you usually feel something another emotion before you become angry and because you didn't control your thoughts at that point you can start having angry thoughts and that can turn to anger of course so no one makes us angry we choose to become angry and we learn that anger is a secondary emotion as I
just said and we learned that anger that is uncontrolled can turn to rage now let me let me uh hit on this second point about anger being a secondary motion you know it's it's if you think about it think think about it like this you're driving down the road okay and a car cuts in front of you they cut you off in traffic and you think you're going to slam into the back of the car right they startle you and you think that you're going to slam into the back of that car how do you feel at that seco
nd do you feel angry or do you feel fear yeah you're afraid you feel fear right because because you think your life is in danger or your car your car is going to get smashed or you're going to smash into someone else's car right so you're not angry at that second you're fearful you're afraid you're you feel the emotion of fear now remember anger can seem instantaneous but once you figure out wait a minute okay I didn't get angry when that car cut in front of me I got I was afraid I I felt fear w
ell then what what occurs once you realize you're not going to hit the car you start having thoughts like well it can go either way you know remember it depends on what you think at that point you can think that stupid rotten dumb this is a familyfriendly show right you know what you can be thinking at that point right if you're having these angry thoughts you're feed you're fueling you're fueling the anger by your thoughts you're fueling and justifying your choice to become angry at that point
now what I started practicing doing and I I I started this a long time ago and believe me I was living in Houston Texas at the time there's a lot of traffic and there's a lot of there's a lot of horrible drivers including I guess they they thought I was too but I thought I was the best driver out there but I was a defensive driver because everybody else around me didn't know how to drive only I knew how to drive right well I got rid of that Pride too I I didn't really know how to drive that well
either but but nonetheless I was a defensive driver well what I started doing instead of getting angry when somebody would do something like not use their blinker or cut me off or you know some other uh uh uh you know thing that you do when you're driving that you shouldn't do was I would start practicing saying in my mind something like you know if that person took the peaceful solution character education program I thought he'd probably use his blinker and not think it's not a big deal he'd p
robably follow rules a little better or it's possible that that person that just cut me off is having a seizure or they're reaching in their glove box and they're getting something and they weren't really paying attention they didn't see me and as we're going to learn later in the tonight you know a lot of things that are done to us we we take them personally we think that somebody did it to get to get at us or they did it because they don't like us or they're trying to disrespect Us in some way
but really it's all in our mind it's not really so you know how do we know what that driver is thinking that cuts us off in traffic we don't know what's going on but we shouldn't take it personally but people do and you know what takes place something we're going to learn about it's called rage right people people get seriously hurt and people get killed murdered you know because of road rage because people don't control the emotion of anger okay so remember you don't get angry first you never
get angry first you have another emotion like annoyance or fear or jealousy or something else and because you allow the anger the angry thoughts to continue in your mind without stopping them because let's say they do start in your mind let's say you start feeling like you know stupid you know what you can cut it off you can recognize that hey wait a minute that's not that's not that's not going to solve the problem me getting angry about this and you can start having positive you can replace th
e negative thoughts with positive thoughts as we're going to learn later on in the chapter about how we can deal with anger different ways of dealing with anger so I don't want to jump ahead again but I do want you to get it in your mind that we have the ability to control these emotions and once it's broken down like this in a very simple way the peaceful solution breaks it down you can start being once you're aware of these things like we're showing you right here it's going to be easier for y
ou to recall when you're in a situation that hey wait a minute I'm in control of how I feel about this situation I can't let the other person control me like a puppet on a string what we can't control control what other people do right we can only control how we respond to what other people do or say okay okay so remember on uh page 58 at the bottom it says we create our own anger by the way we think our attitude and our choices now let's go back to the hot sauce this is on page 59 Chris covered
this as well that anger can come in many different forms and there's mild anger and intense anger that's why I like to compare them to hot sauce because you know you have mild which I can't stand I have to put uh cayenne pepper in it you know real and mix it in there you know because I I got to have hot sauce that's why they call it hot sauce people you know it's supposed to be hot you know I've even had Spanish friends of mine you know that they say man that's hot I'm like really it's hot I'm
from Alaska you know so I but I do like hot stuff but you have different faces of anger you know you have the resentment which is the feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at real or imagine wrong that means it's something that you've been caring for a while okay it's persistent meaning that it's it takes place constant it's been something that's going on in your mind constantly at real or imagined wrong sometimes someone didn't really do something we just think they did okay a
nd Chris Chris gave us some examples about that and then there's outrage was which is an act of violence and brutality anger and resentment aroused by insult or injury you know someone says something to us uh that's insulting or they injure us with words or possibly even with physically or they injure our property okay then there's Fury remember Plymouth used to make a car called Fury right but Fury is a person's violent temper intense disordered and often destructive rage see this this is not t
his is these are different forms of anger but these are not acceptable okay let let me let me just tell you that's why it says hot okay this is hot this is this is you should never this should never come this should never be in our we our mind should never be inflamed with this right here any of this this is not the appropriate way to deal with anger okay in any way shape or form destructive rage okay so wrath is strong vengeful anger or indignation and then rage is a violent and uncontrolled an
ger intensely and openly displayed yelling screaming kicking breaking things you know uh you know I'm sure we've all you know I know when I was younger I Had My Moments breaking things but I'll tell you what after I broke it when I realized I had to fix it or I had to pay for it it was like what why did I do that that was the stupidest thing I could have done but I always thought at that time because I didn't know what I know now that I had to do that like you had to do that like okay well it's
natural to break your mirror put your hole through that sheet rock or whatever you know put your hand through the sheetrock with your fist you know it's normal you know that's how you react because you know someone someone did something that justified my want to put my fist through that mirror right somebody made me angry right wrong but that's what I thought because I didn't know okay so let's go now uh to pick up on but first of all let's go to uh the lesson plan and we're going to be looking
at LP we're going to be looking at step step three on lp3 F step or lp3 D step number three where it says have students read anger can hurt on page 60 and do the exercises hey that's pretty simple right that's probably the shortest instruction I've ever seen so we all we have to do is go to page 60 and read the story okay so let's go over to page 60 here that's called anger can hurt and it says learning to control your anger is one of the most important skills you can learn uh what wait a minute
this must be a misprint it says it's a skill I thought Plumbing was a skill or electric you know being an electrician was a skill or cooking was a skill uh Landscaping was a skill or you know what controlling your anger is a skill hey guess what that means it means you got to go to school it means you got to learn it right if it's a skill are we born with a skill nope you're not born with a skill now you're you you're born with certain abilities that come through genetics as we learned in the c
haracter unit when we went over genetics that we have certain traits in us that were passed on genetically by our parents but guess what let's say your dad was a was a rock and roll guitarist and he passed that Gene on to you well would you ever know if you could play a guitar if never if no one ever gave you one would you know you had the ability no not unless you have someone gives you the guitar they give you the opportunity they give you the teaching the training how to do it then you know h
ey I can actually do this and you're pretty well at it because your father was well at it or your mother was well at it okay well guess what this I want all world leaders that are watching tonight all teachers everybody to understand that that anger management is a skill controlling your anger is a skill just like any other skill you have to go to to school to learn a trade school or some other special school you've got to go and you have to learn it which you guys are here doing right now okay
so anger that is uncontrolled has the potential of causing harm to yourself and others that sometimes cannot be repaired which we're going to learn here in this story called anger can hurt where it says read the following short story about one young boy's experience with anger then answer the questions that follow so let's put up the slid so we can look at the visual as we're reading this story there was a little boy with a bad temper his father gave him a Bag of Nails and told him that every ti
me he lost his temper hammer a nail in The Back Fence the first day the boy drove 37 Nails into the fence then it gradually dwindled down he discovered it was easier to control his temper than drive those Nails into the fence finally the day came when the father suggested that the boy now pull out One Nail for every day that he was able to control his temper the days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that that all the nails were gone the father took his son by the hand
and led him to the fence he said you have done well my son but look at the holes in the fence the fence will never be the same when you say things in Anger they leave scars just like the ones in the fence if you hurt someone in Anger it won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry the wounds will still be there okay so I think this is an awesome lesson in in in in US understanding that yes forgiveness is a positive character trait we need to forgive others when they do things to us no matter w
hat they do remember we have no option but to forgive because if we don't forgive and we hold on to these things there's going to be consequences for us we're not going to hurt the other person that we don't forgive it's not hurting them but remember holding on to resentment and grudges um I believe we read it's like drinking a glass of poison hanging on to grudges or resentment is like drinking a glass of poison and waiting for the person that you're angry or resentful at to die who are we real
ly hurting so even though we need to forgive do we have the ability when somebody forgives us can they just erase what you said out of their mind or what you did out of their mind do they have that ability to take a you know an eraser and just like a chalkboard and just erase it out of their mind no they don't there's still scars left by what we do there's still consequences that that person has to suffer and that we have to suffer as a result of what we do we can't ever think that we get away w
ith it scot-free that's not how it operates you know there's con consequences that we have to live with sometimes the rest of our lives for choices that we make all choices have consequences and all choices have rewards if it's the right choice now it says have you ever said or done something in Anger that you later regretted you don't have to raise your hand or anything but think about this have you ever said or done something in Anger that you later regretted and I think we could all say yes C
U I think we all agreed when Chris was here we all got angry at some point in our lives or a thousand points in our lives some of us 10,000 times in our life right okay I want to illustrate something else because there's something else we we do with students in the peaceful solution to illustrate this even more in their mind to help them to understand that when we say or do things when we're angry first of all we need to be careful when we're starting to feel angry which we're going to learn abo
ut as we proceed in the chapter about anger triggers and cues Etc but once we start feeling that anger come on that's the that's our our cue right there that we better watch our tongue because once it leaves once the bullet leaves the chamber so to speak can you take it back once the words come off the tongue can you just grab them and pull them back in no once they leave once it's said it's done let's go to the next uh visual there now it says we can say we are sorry but can we really ever smoo
th it out all right now I want you to think of this take a piece of paper a blank P piece of paper like typing paper that blank piece of paper that smooth piece of paper is somebody's feelings before you say or do something when you're angry okay there's nothing wrong it's nice and smooth it's fine after the bullet leaves the chamber so to speak after the words come off your tongue that are that are cruel or harsh mean spirited uh you know angry lashing out the middle picture the crumpled up pap
er is the words you just spoke and it's the person's feelings you just crushed them you crushed them with what you said now so you say you're sorry right that should be the end of it right you said you're sorry again and again probably you probably done it more than once you might not have done it more than once but let's say you even do it just once you call someone some kind of name when you're angry or you say something to your child like I would you were never born or something like that any
anything that's that's that's like that that could be hurtful to somebody you can say you're sorry but in the long term you see that third piece of paper have you ever tried to take a crumpled up piece of paper and try to smooth it out to its original can you get it back to it to that original condition there on the left you can't do it I don't care hard hard you try so in the long term there's still going to be the wrinkles there's still going to be you're never really going to be able to smoo
th it out because they're never really going to be able to forget what you said even though they can forgive you I know people say forgive and forget well it's not that simple people still carry things you know they they might be able to forgive you and eventually they might not remember but that doesn't mean they might not remember something might dredge up that memory and it might pop up in their mind at some point but they might actually forget after a long time that you said that or you did
that but it might come back up again because remember once it's said once it's downloaded into our in into our subconscious mind do we ever forget it I mean we can pull it up at any we can pull it up it can come back up at any time okay so that's why we should never say it in the first place so we don't have to worry about it coming back coming up okay so I think that pretty much illustrates the importance of you know learning to control our anger because it can cause that harm that cannot be re
paired so let's go back to page lp3 uh D and look at our next step in lesson number three on control your anger it says instruct students to turn to page 61 and read the question of the day tell students that everyone has anger triggers although these triggers can vary from person to person some are more common than others have students read and discuss the sections entitled feeling a little insecure jumping into conclusions and work it out don't fight it out found on page 61-63 remind students
that anger never resolves conflicts you know what's another what's what's something else you could say in in place of anger never resolves conflict two wrongs don't make a right right those are simple words but those stick those words stick you know anger is never going to solve the problem two wrongs don't make a right getting upset throwing things screaming kicking is not going to solve the problem okay it takes practice to remember remember that it takes practice to do this I'm not remember i
t's a skill how long do you have to practice you know think about this for a minute Chris I think was the one that talked about practicing medicine might have been Katan I don't remember which one offand but somebody talked might have even been David talked about practicing medicine doctors practice medicine what does that mean that means they're perfect no they're practicing and guess what you're the guinea pig yeah they're practicing okay that means it's something they habitually do but it's a
practice it's a discipline in other words it's something you have to do again and again and again all right well there's other practices too there's many practices out there that people practice many disciplines or many uh uh jobs that people practice and you know are are you ever perfect at anything that you like if you're a car if you're a uh let's say you're a mechanic I'm looking at a mechanic right now are you perfect are you a perfect mechanic you are oh okay no he's not he's not proud he
's got got rid of the pride great you still learn things right we still learn all the time we're learn in fact you know they have continuing education in in most you know jobs I've ever been in they used to send us to conferences or workshops to learn more about what we were doing you know I remember I was doing Medicare billing and that was something you had to constantly go and and learn the new codes that were coming out that Medicare was putting out you had to learn all the new billing uh in
formation you know that the new uh billing rules for billing all these different products it was a constant learning process because rules changed all the time okay so it's it's not like we're ever going to be we're never going to know everything about anything that we do you know it's going to be a constant learning process well guess what anger management it's a skill that we have to practice practice practice practice practice your whole life okay it's not something you can ever let your guar
d down on either and think I got this now I got this I don't ever get angry okay well guess what the minute you say that guess what's going to take place someone's going to step on your toes or push your buttons so watch out okay so remember a remind those students that anger never resolves conflicts let's go over to page 61 and read the question of the day why do we get angry we often get angry because we experience something that is unpleasant n or our expectations are not or were not met all
right that should remind us ding ding ding ding ding a little bell should be going off in our mind there well we just read that our expectations were not met you know what's that called when your expectations are not met what emotion are you feeling at that moment well let's go back to page 31 real quick let's flip back there cuz remember we got to Define we got to we we need to get these emotions we have to be able to identify that first primary emotions so we can learn how to deal with it prop
erly so it doesn't lead to anger so let's look at uh page 31 and look at disappointment disappointment means to fail to satisfy the Hope desire or expectation of so so you feel that your expectations were not met that means that you feel disappointed okay you're disappointed because something didn't occur the way you wanted it to you didn't get what you want okay you know remember what we learned uh at the beginning of this chapter about a toddler having a tantrum because they didn't they're not
getting what they want and they resort to falling on the floor flopping around screaming and kicking and crying because they didn't get what they want and it said you know generally you know we move past that stage generally it says does that mean all people don't have Tantrums when they get to be 30 or 40 or 50 I've seen grown people have Tantrums now they didn't fall on the floor and start you know kicking and screaming like a little baby but boy they started kicking and screaming like a litt
le baby when they were kicking the doors you know I remember when I was in prison if a guard didn't give somebody what they wanted you know uh they would start kicking their door as hard as they could cursing out the guard yelling and screaming give me my you know what toilet paper or whatever they wanted okay they resorted to throwing a tantrum okay so don't think adults can't throw Tantrums we do sometimes and and sometimes it might not be the kicking and screaming you know that that it might
not be that uh uh you know might not manifest itself that way but it can manifest itself in other ways too you know giving someone the silent treatment or you know whatever else we do to get even with them because we didn't get what we want okay so we often get angry remember because we experience something that's unpleasant you know it didn't set well with us or our expectations are not met people get angry for many reasons and these reasons are called triggers and from the previous chapter we
learned that a trigger causes something to take place or something to occur an anger trigger could be something that provokes frustrates or aggravates us can we put up the next visual all right let's look at that word provoke and I want you to write this in your book because I want you to understand what the word provoke means provoke it means to stimulate or give rise to a reaction or emotion typically a strong or unwelcome one in someone let me read that one more time it means to give rise to
a reaction or emotion typically a strong or unwelcome one in someone some of the synonyms for the word provoke are inspire we can Inspire someone to have this condition of being provoked we can spark it off we can set off a spark by something we say or do we can Kindle Kindle okay we can Kindle this irritation in somebody this frustration remember we don't we don't make anyone angry right let's the straight we're not getting anyone angry do we get anyone angry by what we say or do no but we can
provoke a person by what we say or do we can provoke them we can spark something in them we can trigger something in them because you notice here trigger is another word that's a synonym for provoke trigger we can trigger something in someone like frustration annoyance embarrassment fear fear we can incite that we can incite that now remember we're not inciting anger it's their choice to become angry about what we do or what we say it's their choice it's everyone's choice but we can provoke some
one by what we do or say let's go back to the book I want to read these other ones it says um and anger trigger could be something that provokes frustrates or aggravates us that word frustrate go back to page 31 again because again this isn't this is an emotion it's an emotion let's learn about frustration let's look at it again frustration page 31 frustration says dissatisfaction that comes from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs unresolved problem problems or unfulfilled needs okay that'
s what frustration comes from all right and then go back to page 61 again it says an anger trigger could be something that provokes frustrates or aggravates us again go back to page 31 the very first negative emotion you see there is aggravation okay aggravation means to intense to intensify unpleasantly to Rouse to displeasure or anger by persistent irritation but notice we can provoke or we can incite or inflame or Kindle or Trigger or instigate someone to feel a certain Emotion by our actions
but we do not it's their choice at that point Point whether they become you know what what what they do with what took place it's all of our choice okay but we need to be careful we shouldn't be thinking well it's you know I can go around inciting people and stirring them up and sparking things in them because you know hey after all you know it's their choice whether they become upset about what I just did so I'll just go around frustrating it trying to frustrate people or do things to try and
instigate problems right right should we do that it's not the peaceful solution right we should be trying to make everyone's day Pleasant have pleasant interactions with each other peaceful relations right not going around stirring up trouble right now sometimes sometimes we have to face problems sometimes we do have conflicts right conflicts or disagreements arise don't they it's this is the world we live in we we sometimes we don't agree we don't see eye to eye and that's it's fine there's not
hing wrong with having a disagreement but it's how we handle the disagreement that's going to determine whether we handle it morally or immorally whether we do right or whether we do wrong remember right and wrong what's the difference between right and wrong right means it doesn't bring any harm to someone with words or any other way if it's right it doesn't bring harm to you your neighbor the environment if it's wrong it's immoral and it causes harm it causes some kind of harm to come to someb
ody whether it's physical harm emotional harm Etc okay so all right back to um the reading here let's go back to page 61 okay it says a trigger could be a person situation or experience on other occasions it is our own false perceptions that trigger our anger remember what I said about uh we might think in our mind we might imagine something's taking place or we might even see you know here's the thing you might even see something visually that you think is taking place but what you see isn't is
what you know it's like an optical illusion it's not really what you think it is you know and I don't like keep using in that you know story about the boy in the water fountain we haven't even got to that yet I don't think but but nonetheless you know sometimes it's imagined wrong or imagined disrespect that we're feeling it's not really real we think someone's talking about us we think someone's doing something against us but they're really not and uh actually go to the next visual it's really
all in your mind you know it's how you perceive things just all in your mind you see that picture you know it's kind like an optical illusion you know you it just looks like a tree out in the middle of the field but it's really a face right with a brain in the top there right sometimes it's not what it appears to be so let me continue to read here it says because we are all Unique Individuals what provokes one person might not necessarily provoke another however it is fair to say that many peop
le experience similar triggers or anger traps anger traps underline that anger traps you know why they call it an anger trap because because there's times when we actually get trapped by our own thinking our own attitude our own choice you know we fall into a trap you know we're gonna we fall into becoming angry okay we fall into it we we we fall for it basically it's kind of like um um uh what we uh we'll learn about later on in the respect unit about you know the Trap of disrespect we think th
at because somebody disrespects us we have to disrespect them in return you know after all I can't let him Punk me off like that I got to get you know I got to let him know you know I didn't like what he just said because everyone's watching you know well everyone's watching Everybody heard him say something to you that was what what do you feel when somebody calls you something in front of a classroom full of children how do you feel do you feel angry right then how do you feel feel embarrassed
you're embarrassed because everyone's looking at you like oo oo remember that oo you know people have been raised on soap opas okay they want to see some action you know they've been watching WWF And when they see somebody say something to somebody they're thinking man all right we're we're going to see some blood here we're going to see something take place so you know usually you know the the first thought in their mind is like you know you hear the whole class or be like woo you going to let
them say that ooh yeah they're trying to provoke you know they're trying to spark yeah the Spark's already there they're trying to ignite the fire now you know but once in a while there'll be a peaceful solution student around you know hanging out you know and they'll say they'll come up they say hey man don't don't worry about it it's not worth it just let it go and sometimes that's all it takes huh just one person just one person to calm you down you know to say hey man don't worry about it y
ou know it's not worth it don't don't worry about what he said you know don't don't don't don't do it man it's not worth it just that one person can make a difference where everybody else is oo you know that one person could can actually calm you down and help you help you to calm down that's what we need more of in the world is people that are you know hey man it's not worth it don't worry you know don't don't fight fighting back it never works becoming angry about it it's not going to solve it
there's other ways we can handle this you know don't don't do it that's what we need in the world we need people like that okay so all right um let's see okay so it's our own false perceptions that trigger our anger okay and um anger traps okay in other words once you choose to be angry a particular trigger can consistently evoke angry angry feelings we get into this rut where every time someone does or says a certain thing we think that we have to let it go to anger and then get angry and then
do the same thing we've been doing every time yelling screaming let it turn to rage you know by yelling and screaming or whatever or doing things to get even with that person when we come angry like you know ignore them or you know or or attack or you know whatever else we're going to learn later on these different these different uh you know ways we can handle anger it's a trap you know because sometimes we fall into it and we just don't know how to get out of it you know like we just keep doi
ng it over and over again because we don't have anybody to teach us you know the peaceful solution well guess what we have someone that's teaching us so we're aware of these things we're aware but you think the world in general is aware of this for the most part no that's why they keep falling into Wars you know they keep falling into war you know they keep thinking well War you know we got to go to war we have to go to war you know because that that Nation just violated our airspace you know th
ey just flew right into a no-fly zone so we got to go over there and we got to you know do we got we got to handle this you know what what you you're saying that you don't know how to solve a conflict peacefully you can't think things through where no one gets hurt you know you can't think it through you can't work it out you have to fight it out well some people think that that's their only Resort I've heard people say hey look you can only push me so far you know there's a red line I think Chr
is talked about the red line might have been Katon could have been David hey remember what Chris said last time you know it's all one class right it's all just one class it's is one long year three year however long this is going to take it's just one class we're all working together and it's all all the information you've been learning it's all like one just one big we're all working together and it's just like one big class so sometimes I don't remember was it Chris was it Katan was it David w
as it me it might have been me I might have said it but the red line we can't have a red line there's no red line with a peaceful solution there's no you can't say you can only push me so far if you're a peaceful solution practitioner if that's your practice which it is remember it's a skill we're learning here right this is a skill you're actually and you know what how much do you think this would cost to learn if you had to go if they offered this in college let's say that the peaceful solutio
n gives it for free but let's say you had to learn this skill you're learning right here you had to go to a college somewhere to learn this skill you're learning here how much do you think you'd have to pay to be to be accredited or get a degree in the skill of diploma Y and anger management and uh you know all your learning in this program how how much do you think it's worth how much do you think they would charge yeah they'd probably charge you $50,000 $100,000 probably more don't take this l
ightly you know why guess what we got diplomats everywhere in the world and they don't know how to do this you know how I know there's Wars raging all over the Planet there's Wars raging they can't stop them they don't know how to stop them they don't even know the first thing about hey wait a minute we can work it out we we don't have to fight it out there's a way that we can solve all of our problems without going to war and fight and trespass on you know most of these wars are only started be
cause somebody's doing something to violate the simplest thing in the peaceful solution like going into someone else's land violating a person's boundaries whether it's their airspace their waterways their land stealing their resources whether it be oil diamonds whatever it is they want people are just violating they're just simply violating the simplest principles that we learned in the elementary series of the peaceful solution you know not asking not asking permission just going doing whateve
r we want to do because we feel like you know well we got bigger weapons so you better give us what we want right it's like a bunch of bullies on a schoolyard is all it is it's like it's like children that never it's like children in suits right big children in suits because and I'm not putting them down I'm saying they're big children in suits because they's still children that haven't learned the simplest things in the peaceful solution because if they did they would know how to solve these th
ings with no problem the great thing is you're going to teach them right okay so it says uh all right now let me see okay I'm I'm okay so let's let's look at this first reason why we get angry about feeling a little insecure don't take everything so personally it says a common anger trigger lies in taking the random comments and actions of others as if they were intended to be personal like I told you earlier about someone cutting you off in traffic you think he did that on purpose because he do
n't like me or he don't like the way I look or my car or he's trying to show off his car whatever you're thinking that he's doing or she's doing this stems from your own insecurities and issues involving self-worth insecurities are those areas in our lives where we lack the confidence and inner strength to be sure and certain about what we know and believe hey look if you really firmly believe in something is it really is it going to matter what anybody says about that are you going to let it bo
ther you if you really believe in something are you going to let it bother you the only reason we would is we don't firmly believe in what we think we believe if we let it bother us what other people say about what we believe we don't firmly believe it it says insecurities can come in many different forms some people are insecure about making decisions or standing up for what they know to be true other people are insecure about what they like and dislike and still there are those who are insecur
e about their ability to form strong lasting friendships hence they are very sensitive about what their friends say to them and about them and it gives the example that your friend comments on how much she dislikes likes watching comedies you however like watching comedies an insecure response would be to think that your friend is implying that she doesn't like your taste in movies or that she's trying to tell you that she does not like you a secure person would understand that if someone does n
ot like something you like it doesn't mean they dislike you everyone is different and has her his her own likes and dislikes we learned about that in the character unit right what's that called our own likes and dislikes it's personality right everybody has different personality that's okay that's what makes the world interesting you know remember the spices you know there's thousands of spices in the rainforest I think there's something like uh 3,000 spices out of the rainforest alone and you c
ould have chicken every night of the week for for months and years and never even know it's chicken if you spiced it right you would never complain about it cuz if they use different spices on it it would would always taste different and great you only use salt and pepper you're going to get get pretty pretty bored with it after a while okay so let's see um okay so page 62 another common anger uh people another common reason people get angry is just jump into conclusions it says insecurities can
also lead to jumping to conclusions jumping to conclusions simply means arriving at a false belief due to a lack of accurate truthful information or in other words true facts not false facts true facts arriving at a false belief if you've ever seen an optical illusion then you're familiar with how easy it is for us to be tricked by what we see like I showed you that picture let me show you another picture can you put up the next visual okay stare into the screen see it moving it's moving right
does it look like it's moving it's not really moving it's not moving it's an optical illusion it's a trick of light and color okay it's not really moving it just looks like it's moving don't stare too long you'll fall asleep oh actually go ahead just keep looking into it you are becoming very very peaceful you're going to follow the peaceful solution forever keep staring into it listen to me okay stop looking at it because you might actually fall asleep I don't know let's go to the next visual n
ext optical illusion let's look at these optical illusions here is that guy eating the moon or is he eating soup and the Moon got in the way I mean but sure looks like he's eating the moon or at least the Moon is dropping into his spoon as he's eating soup or what about is that guy looking straight ahead or is he looking left or right I mean is he looking right or is he looking straight ahead you see you see how your eyes can be tricked right it's called deceive it's called being deceived it's c
alled trick it's called a trick it's deceived you're deceiving your eyes are being deceived okay you think you're seeing something but you're not really seeing what you think you're seeing and that's what this is trying to describe to us now it says an optical illusion appears to be one thing at first glance but upon closer inspection it's actually misleading in order to control your anger it's very important to keep things in perspective sometimes what you choose to be angry about might not be
what it appears to be now I want you to underline this next sentence we sometimes make assumptions based on insecurities about what we see and hear go to the last visual we have for tonight I want you to write this down about the word assumption okay the word assumption means a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen or occur without proof okay read it again a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen or occur without any proof you have no proof of it you're just assu
ming because you never really asked asked or you never really investigated and got the remember about that character trait what's it called Educated getting all the facts making sure those facts are correct before making the decision about something a lot of times we jump to conclusions and we assume things but we don't ask and ask was one of the first things we learned in the peaceful solution right in the in the kindergarten in the kindergarten K1 unit also in the believe the unit before that
the prek or the yeah the prek unit we learned about asking the importance of asking so it says for example you see two of your friends at the water fountain they're talking and laughing while looking in your direction you think they're talking about and laughing at you so you ignore them for the rest of the day if you had taken the time to gather the facts you would have found out that they were laughing at a funny poster that was tacked to the wall directly behind you hey would there be anythin
g wrong with asking excuse me guys is it my hair or you know my dress funny today or you guys laughing at me nothing wrong with asking you know as long as you do it in a polite way you know you might find out that well no we're not laughing at you like they said here you know this this this poster right here you just kind of got in our way when we were looking at your direction cuz the poster right there that's called jumping into conclusions and a lot of times we get angry because we allow ours
elf to become angry we make the choice to become angry because we jump to conclusions about what we think we see or hear Etc we judge by sight and hearing Without Really investigating anything you can't do that we can't do that as peaceful Solutions students we might be seeing something that's not really what we think we might even hear something that's not what we really think it is we got to be careful not to fall into that trap so that's all the time we have for tonight okay the next the next
class is going to be 413 at 5:30 p.m. that'll be on uh Wednesday 5:30 p.m. central Time you've been an awesome class tonight I hope I didn't you know put you to sleep with that visual there I just hope I hope you'll I hope it worked what I said about the peace right be peaceful to each other and we'll see you next class
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