well greetings everyone welcome to another edition of the peaceful solution character education program teachers certification course and if you can say that five times as fast as you can uh if you're standing here at the uh peaceful solution headquarters in abalene Texas or wherever you are please have a seat thank you for the warm welcome I didn't need a warm welcome it's already sweltering in here but uh thank you anyway it'll add to the heat well you know what they say if the if you can't st
and the heat get in the kitchen and turn the stove up and uh you'll get used to the heat right okay uh Chris left off on page 130 no wait 125 my eyes have to adjust when I don't have glasses 125 I'm sorry 124 with positive communic unication helps you deal with disrespect and that is in chapter 5 the infamous chapter 5 of the respect unit called responding to disrespect which began on page 115 and I'm sure that uh Chris Chris Katan and David all have already metion can you boost that mic just a
tiny bit I I I like I like to hear my voice booming we don't have to yell there we go um thank you um I'm sure they mentioned to you in their classes that this this is actually a lesson that we've taught I won't say hundreds of times I'll say scores so I'm not exaggerating I think a score is 20 and uh it certainly has been taught 20 times I'm not sure how many I would say at least 200 times I could be a little off but in in in junior highs and high schools throughout uh Texas and in various part
s of the United States this is one of the most uh requested uh subjects responding to disrespect because you know children as we know and even adults if they're not taught you know how to deal with the bully you know how to deal with uh people pushing their buttons at school you know and as we learned in the junior high uh earlier in the in one of the books it might have been the character unit of the Junior High series a child is disrespected an average of 225 times uh a week in a junior high a
nd that's whether it's uh intentional disrespect or unintentional disrespect um it it occurs all the time so they need to learn how to deal with we learn we need to learn how to deal with as adults you know those situations that are often going to come up where where we're being disrespected where somebody's pushing our buttons and they're not talking to us or treating us quite the way we would like to be treated in this situation and if I had to if I had to sum up the entire chapter in just a f
ew words I would say you know what this lesson is really trying to get across to us is to never retaliate never retaliate do not retaliate don't don't try to get even in any situation um always try to find a peaceful resolution to whatever your problem is having said that let me go back to page 115 because I do want to cover just a couple of of uh a few uh very important what I think are very important notes certainly they were important when I first learned the peaceful solution because I never
really considered some of these things and when I read them in the peaceful solution it really hit me was like one of those frying pan moments you know where D and it's like wow you know that seems like it should be common sense but it's not you know it's it it it hit me like a ton of bricks and one of them was the first slide if you could put up the first visual is that responding to disrespect with more disrespect it only adds fuel to the fire you know it does not solve our problem it does no
t escalate a situation you know and I think it was Chris that mentioned you know if your grandmother's house was on fire and you called the fire department uh would you want them to spray a water or B some kind of flammable liquid on Grandma's house right well of course the answer would be B right um You wouldn't want Grandma's house to go up in worse Flames you'd want want the fire to be put out so you know it's the same thing with situations we deal with on a daily basis you know when things b
egin to escalate a little bit we need to figure out a respectful response to deescalate the situation so the Spire doesn't get worse okay cuz as you know a spark just a spark can set off a whole forest fire okay um and even as we know now we're threat we're actually uh facing nuclear war you know um and that's not just a small fire you know that's a you know millions of degrees in the center of the blast of a thermonuclear bomb okay and if you think that's an exaggeration did we ever show that t
it fortat video yet you guys remember the tit fortat video did we see that okay we might have to see it again CU it it really really it it it shows in that video you know how a very simple you know somebody brushes somebody at the bus stop bumps into them accidentally how that can actually turn into if somebody doesn't start practicing self-control at a given point it can actually turn into a thermonuclear war where not just the two parties that are involved you know uh get hurt but the entire c
ity or an entire planet can be affected because of the uh results of two people not using these simple peaceful solution tools that we're learning in chapter 5 here to deescalate situations in responding to disrespect in respectful ways okay so let's go ahead and uh let's see what I had next before I go on to the reading um yeah let's look at the next visual because here's another really important Point uh from page 122 of the respect unit here in chapter 5 it told us we have no control over wha
t other people say and do we can only control the way we respond to what other people do and you know that really should be a big wakeup call to people you know that hey you know we we we can't we cannot control what other people do but we can control how we respond to what they do to us or what they say to us and that's really all we're responsible for okay now we also need to make sure that we're not instigating situations where you know we're trying to we're doing things that might be setting
that person off right we always have to check ourselves to make sure that we're not part of the problem you know that's irritating that other person or possibly frustrating them they're having some kind of Primary Emotion like frustration or embarrassment or something else else because of something we're doing so we need to make sure that we're not remember what we learned in a previous lessons about you know even if it's not something that breaks a rule and it bothers somebody and it's somethi
ng that we're doing and they tell us hey I really don't like you doing that or I don't like the way you're talking to me or I don't like the way you look at me or whatever there's nothing wrong with you know backing off and treating that person exactly the way they'd like to be treated for the sake of peace right okay so remember we can only control how we respond now here's another important point if we can put up the next visual we learned on page 119 of of chapter 5 here that preparation prep
aration is the key we have to be prepared to be disrespected and as we learn you know not everyone in the world is being taught the peaceful solution character education program nor are they even trying to improve their character nor do they even know what character is right um so it's not their fault it's not something that's uh that's uh glorified in the world you know becoming a better person you know that's not something that's uh that's that's that's really pushed in society today you know
in fact you know what's pushed in society today is what we see being pushed in Hollywood you know we see the the violence the you know the stealing you know if it feels good do it you know whatever whatever two consenting adults feel like doing you know hey you know if it doesn't hurt that person over there what's it to him you know well most people don't even know what's hurting them you know unless you come to the peaceful solution and you start getting educated you get all the facts you make
sure they're correct before you decide on issues whether they're harmful or not you really don't even know what's bringing the harm you know you don't even know why you're falling into the traps you're groping in the dark you don't even understand why you keep falling into these different uh consequences that are bringing sickness disease uh War hatred fighting divorce you know separation disunity like we see out here in in even in the Congress and even in the Senate and even in the all the the
different uh you know in the political realm you know we see all the hatred we see we see former presidents being charged with crimes okay it's it's really just getting you know it's it's escalating and escalating unless somebody starts using this respect that we're teaching here in this program it's going to get worse and it's going to escalate into something that's going to go out of control and that's why we have to be ready prepared to be disrespected on a daily basis that doesn't mean we wa
lk around with a chip on our shoulder and you know like all right somebody's going to disrespect me so you know no you don't do that you just be prepared by learning the peaceful solution going over it rehearsing it and just remembering that not everybody's being taught proper proper conduct but you are so therefore you need to be on the lookout and be on the ready for anything that comes your way so you can be The Peacemaker so you can deescalate the situation not the other person the other per
son is not learning right now but you are we are so on that slide if you can put it back up about preparation it says self-control it preparation requires self-control and self-control is the ability to control what you think feel and do the foundation of self-control rests on moral principles and you remember what morals are morals or rules okay you must control your thoughts feelings and actions in order to be a moral person who demonstrates concern for yourself others and the environment okay
so you must be a moral person that means you always consider you know is what I'm going to do or what I'm going to say going to bring harm to myself others um the environment okay we have to think first we have to stop and think and consider you know and not be uh impulsive remember not acting impulsively not doing things and then finding out later oh wow I should have thought that through first and I should have considered the consequences of my actions and how that could affect me and it coul
d be a positive uh it could be a positive consequence remember the word consequence doesn't we use consequence uh in a negative sense in the peaceful solution but a consequence is just something that occurs in a sequence of events like a chain reaction whether it's something positive or whether it's something negative all right so let's go to Let's LP let's go to LP 5D LP 5D and um I think we should be looking at um let's look at step number five because step number five includes page 124 and th
at's where we're going to be starting tonight I'm going to rehearse a little bit of what Chris left off on it says explain to students that it is normal to feel the primary emotions of embarrassment rejection and humiliation when someone disrespects us remember primary means first you know primary means our first uh emotions or our first feelings that come over us you know we don't get angry first it's not a Primary Emotion anger is a secondary emotion Chris went over this in the last class he w
ent over all the facts about anger that we've already gone through in the self-control unit okay he went through all those facts and reminded us anger is the secondary emotion he reminded us that um that anger is normal we all get we all get angry for different reasons but how we respond to our anger or how we how we um how we uh act when we're angry is going to determine whether we're using self-control or not or doing it and using it and and appropriately dealing with anger we also learn that
anger uh is a secondary emotion you know you you might become embarrassed first or you're humiliated you might become frustrated uh in a situation and because you don't control that Primary Emotion it can lead to anger we also learned that anger um that anger is um man I'm sorry I didn't drink enough water today so my mind isn't quite uh as as sharp as it should be because I haven't been drinking enough I should be taking what David said David said you know liquefy remember but anyway we need to
we need to remember the facts about anger that Chris brought us um uh also um it says here back in the reading on LP 5D it's number five however by using self-control we can learn to deal with these emotions appropriately rather than resorting to anger to hide our hurt feelings have students read the section self-control in your emotions and positive communication helps you deal with disrespect found on pages 122 through 124 in their handbooks have students complete the accompanying exercise on
page 123 and stress to students that responding with anger and retaliation will only make a bad situation worse remember that's that's what I said you could sum up this whole chapter don't retaliate because it only adds fuel to the fire and makes the situation worse it's not going to bring a peaceful resolution in any way shape or form if we do so so let's go ahead and go over to page 124 where it says positive communication helps you deal with disrespect and it says by using self-control you c
an avoid becoming angry or enraged and learn to manage your primary emotions and um if you recall um back in the self-control unit and in Chapter 2 we went all over emotions I believe page 30 29 or page 30 went over the positive emotions and then the next page went over all the negative emotions okay anger was one of them anger was one of them that that book actually went into in deep detail because anger is an emotion that most people don't understand and they have the hardest time controlling
okay it's anger so a lot has to be said regarding that subject because remember people don't understand anger the very fact that you know that no one makes you ask the one I wanted to remember no one makes us angry okay and you hear that all the time you hear people say all the time she makes me so mad or what he does really makes me angry showing you they don't understand that no nobody makes us angry we choose to become angry because of the way we understand the situation and the world around
us and because we don't control the Primary Emotion of frustration embarrassment or whatever feeling came over us first our primary our Primary Emotion it says the most effective way to deal with primary emotions is to stop and think about how the situation is actually making you feel rejection and embarrassment are strong emotions that indicate that something has occurred that hurts us emotionally but they are not excuses to respond in Anger did you hear that it's not an excuse to respond in an
ger I know that we give ourself a past sometimes you know in the world out there people give themselves a p you know they say well you know I have a right to be angry I have a right to lash out I have a right you know uh for this righteous indignation I have right now you know you know steam coming out of their ears and uh you know fire breathing out of their mouth and you know CU they're angry they feel like they have a right to be enraged you know uh because of something somebody did but the t
ruth is yes we all become angry but we don't have to lash out we don't have to cuss we don't have to scream we don't have to yell we to to let someone know we're angry you remember we learned in uh chapter chapter 3 the anger chapter in the self-control unit we learned all the appropriate ways to deal with anger you know you can take a time out a mini mind vacation uh you can count to 10 20 30 however long you need to count to calm down do some breathing exercises um you can walk away as long as
it's not authority figure you can walk away in a situation and cool off okay okay and and and come back and deal with it later there's many different ways we can we can we can deal with the situation without you know uh remember we also learned about using appropriate language like I language instead of you language you know uh you know you could say you know I feel very angry about what you just did instead of saying you make me so angry and accusing the other person of something that's your c
hoice it's our choice to become angry it's not their choice now they might do certain things to to instigate or push our buttons and try to influence us to become angry but it's our choice we got to get it in our head nobody else makes us do anything we're not robots we make our own choices okay all right so it says here's a letter can we go Ahad put up the next slide I got a we got a letter in the mail we got a letter in the mail recently we got to read this letter it says Dear peaceful solutio
n when my feelings are hurt I feel like crying and my face turns red it's bad enough that someone is disrespecting me without me crying and looking like a wimp acting like I'm mad so that I don't cry doesn't really help either what should I do Sam age 12 all right Sam we got an answer for you you know I'm glad you wrote us wherever you are out there Sam um we're going to we're going to get into what you can do in that situation where you don't have to uh you don't have to even cry about it and y
ou don't have to get angry about it you can actually deal with it in an appropriate way and we'll show you how you can do that we'll show you some appropriate ways of dealing with these things it says remember when you respond with anger to cover the fact that you're feeling feelings are hurt you are hiding behind your anger can you put up the next visual cuz I want I want you to see how we sometimes hide behind anger okay that's on page 122 don't hide behind your anger in fact let's go back the
re real quick don't hide behind your anger go back to page 122 go ahead and leave that visual up while I read it says primary emotions if not managed appropriately can hide behind a secondary emotion called anger anger tells us we are experiencing something that we do not agree with when it comes to disrespect anger can be a big problem because there's a tendency to respond with anger to disguise the fact that our feelings are hurt okay and I think I told you the story I'm I'm pretty sure I told
you the story of the student I had whose wife got a job at a fast uh at one of those um uh 7-Eleven or you know some place where she was going to have to work the midnight shift and you know they needed money and I know he was wanting her to get a job but when he found out she was going to be working the midnight shift at a 7-Eleven all by herself in a little town he got angry with her and started piss started pitching a fit well she called because they were in my anger management class and she
said you know my husband's angry with me I don't think think we're going to be coming to class tonight you know he's he's really he's really upset and I'm like you know what what do you mean what's going on in fact if he's upset that's all the more reason to come tonight right so she told me the situation and that he was angry that she got a job and I said well that doesn't sound right he said that you all needed extra money and that doesn't sound right and then when I started questioning her a
little more about the job I found out that you know she was getting a job at a you know at one one of those 71s where all the Cockroaches come out at night you know a lot of fights a lot of drugs a lot of gangs and things hanging out and I'm sure that he was very fearful for his wife's safety but rather than just telling her honey I really don't like the idea that you're going to be working at some place late at night where you can get hurt possibly raped or killed or robbed or something like t
hat instead of telling her that instead of expressing his fear which was his Primary Emotion what he did was he can you put yeah you got the visual up he hid behind that cloak of anger instead of expressing his true feelings he hid behind anger and he lashed out at her because she got that job and he didn't like the fact that he she got that job so that gave us a really great opportunity that when they did come to class that night and we did talk about this very thing and he started to understan
d that he needs to practice not hiding behind anger that he needs to express and deal with his primary feeling appropriately and be able to talk about it rather than hide behind the anger and lash out and do other things that only escalate situations and make mountains out of mole Hills okay now back to um let's go back to well let's go back to page 122 I want to finish that thought about hiding behind anger it says um in other words when someone's treated with disrespect he might initially feel
rejected humiliated or frustrated and instead of showing those feelings he responds with anger by cursing and yelling and an angry angry response will not solve the problem it will only lead to more disrespect okay so let's go back now to page 124 um and we're in the last paragraph learning how to respectfully communicate when someone is disrespecting you can be difficult you know nobody's saying this is easy are we it takes practice man it takes your whole life to practice this to actually fli
p you know uh I would say I would call it it's like a conversion you know it's like it's like a a revolution I won't say a 360 because if you go 360 you're going to end up back where you started you don't want to be back where you started you want to be uh you want to do a 180 you right you want to turn around do a 180 and turn from being a warmonger to a peacemaker okay now if you think that's a simple thing well in some cases it might be in some areas you might see Improvement right away but i
n other areas it might take you years to practice practice practice until you get perfect at it but don't stop trying and don't give yourself a pass do not give yourself a pass you know they say practice makes perfect right do you believe that okay so you can't become perfect at not retaliating who in here can't become perfect at not retaliating raise your hand if you can't become perfect at it that's right I don't see one hand up right now so that means that everybody in this Auditorium and I'l
l bet you everyone's raising their hand in the outer limits out there Jupiter and other places that are watching right now I mean you know on this Earth um they're probably not raising their hand either because they know that if you actually choose not to retaliate you can choose not to retaliate every time and you can become perfect at it does anybody in here think that you can't become perfect at not stealing anybody I don't see one hand up so that means everybody here knows you can be become
perfect at not stealing you know how you do it you choose not to steal right you make the choice not to steal you know you don't trespass on other people's property you know you make sure you ask before you touch somebody's belongings you know you don't steal people's privacy you don't steal people's reputations you don't steal uh their physical possessions it's a choice you can simply choose not to do it and there's nobody that can say I can't do that it's impossible for me not to no we can do
it does that mean we might not slip up we might slip up and touch somebody's uh touch somebody's pencil and then say hey can I can I use this and then realize wait a minute I should have asked before I even picked it up right that that occurs from time to time but we can become perfect in not doing these things all we have to do is choose so everybody that's watching out there even if it's your first time tuning in don't give yourself a pass you know come on now you know we we we can actually ch
oose to be a moral person right now we can right now we can stop bringing harm to ourselves or anybody that's the beauty of uh the peaceful solution character education program is you can choose right now to turn your life around okay you don't have to wait one more second you can do it right now and get get to moving on it and and before you know it you'll start to see you Dro a lot of these bad habits that we have you'll start to see a lot of them drop some of them might pop possibly not so fa
st as others but just keep working at it and eventually it's going to be it's going to be a lot easier it's going to get easier and easier for you okay it says uh remember I'm on the last paragraph you have to be careful what you say and how you say it because responding in Anger could make a bad situation worse remember you're the one who's building a positive moral character it's dependent upon you to communicate positively and make every effort to find a peaceful solution remember this this t
his is about responding to disrespect and remember in the first couple Pages we learned preparation is the key we got to be prepared to be disrespected and if you're at this if you're at the grocery store and somebody disrespects you it's incumbent upon you and me to be The Peacemaker because we're the ones that are learning now how is the other person that's not in the peaceful solution program going to learn to be respectful and to respond respectfully if we don't we can actually teach them ri
ght there on the spot without them ever having to come to a class we can actually teach them by our response right there in that situation and I guarantee you people do notice people do notice people notice they notice and they know there's something different about you if you're a peaceful solution student people know there's something different about you and they should see there's something different about us okay in the way we behave in the way we respond to situations okay you know I rememb
er one time I got to tell you this story I remember uh the author of the peaceful solution told me one time actually told a lot of us we were having a seminar it was a summer seminar and he said you know when you give your word about something you got to keep your word if you give somebody your word you've just made a vow and you need to keep that word no matter what comes out of your mouth because if you don't if you don't keep your word people won't trust you okay you got to keep your word so
it really the the presentation had a really big impact on me I thought about it and I was like man you know I got to really start trying to keep my word right so that so that uh I think it was Monday probably right after the seminar that Monday at work an old lady came in to order some U some kind of a monthly Supply it was a medical supply store and she needed some a monthly supply of certain things and she said can you please uh put in an order for these items and can I come and get them tomor
row tomorrow and I said sure ma'am I'll get them today for you well U after she left the store I completely I guess the phone rang or another customer came in I don't know what occurred I'm not I don't have no excuse I just know I didn't do what I was supposed to and uh I forgot to order the items for the for the lady so then the next day the lady comes back and I just saw her and I'm like oh no right when I saw her I remembered I was supposed to order her supplies and I hadn't done it and you k
now what that lady told me I'll never forget it I told you they know there's something different about you she looked at me and she said but you promised me you know how small I felt she said but you promised me and all I could hear ringing in my ear was uh yra Hawkins telling me keep your word better keep your word better keep your promises your word is a promise it's a vow you got to keep it and I was like oh and I set my mind at that time all right next time I'm going to try harder and I'm go
ing to write it down or I'm going to do whatever I got to do if somebody asked me to do something and I got to try harder and make sure that I do it and and and and it got a little easier I started doing it it doesn't mean I did it perfectly but um I started being a lot more U um what do you call it mind mindful of that particular thing and tried set my mind in advance to make sure that I did things to keep my word like I was taught to do because really is very important that we keep these moral
principles okay nobody likes to be told something and then find out that you didn't uh remember what you said you were going to do or you know you didn't follow through and keep your word okay all right so it says um so remember you're the one who's building a positive moral character it's dependent upon you to communicate positively and make every effort to find a peaceful solution so now let's go back to lp5 LP 5D and let's look at number six step number six it says tell students that using p
ositive respectful communication is an important skill to help them Express themselves in difficult situations let me read that one more time it says tell students that using positive respectful communication is an important skill to help them Express themselves in difficult situations did you so do you understand that positive respectful communication is a skill okay if it's a skill do you think you're born with it no it's a skill that means you have to actually come to a class and you have to
learn how to do it okay or you have to come to uh you know some kind of seminar or given a peaceful solution seminar whatever you got to do to learn that skill just like you learn how to you know fix cars you learn how to you know be a plumber or electrician or a rocket scientist it's a skill you have to come and you have to train you have to train you have to get the education you're not born with it okay none of us are born knowing how to communicate in all the ways the peaceful solution teach
es us to communicate it says um um have students read the section entitled let's see hold on okay have students read the section A for appropriate responses found on page 125 in their handbooks listen to the song show respect anyway found on page 126 and discuss why disrespectful Behavior seem so normal and what the negative outcomes are of retaliating and disrespect so let's go over to page 125 25 and says A is for appropriate responses it says using positive respectful communication is an impo
rtant skill to help you express yourself in difficult situations by practicing this skill you can control how you respond to disrespectful Behavior avoid getting angry and come up with a peaceful resolution the conflicts you know uh conflict resolution uh people are uh they pay a lot of money for conflict resolution people Personnel in schools uh courts you know courts have a lot of uh mediators for divorce and divorce court conflict resolution type people to try to settle matters differences be
tween people so this is a very important skill to learn how to uh resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner but you know I've seen uh uh gang facilitators for instance you know uh they call them they're they're they're PE they're conflict resolution type people these gang facilitators but some of the ways that they come up with with making peace it's not really peace you know uh you know when you tell one gang well you can't go on that street you shouldn't go on that street because it belongs to th
is gang over here that's not true does that street belong to that gang who owns that street only dogs go around marking territory like that you know in different ways I don't want to get into it but you know how they mark their territory right well gangs do the same thing you know they spray pain on signs you know they Mark they Mark they spray paint on people's fence to mark their territory like animals right but they don't own that street and that fence that they just spray painted on belongs
to somebody else and that stop sign that they just sprayed sprayed on that belongs to all of us and we all have to pay for it including the guy that spray painted it you know he's going to have it's coming out of his tax money too right so you know these gang facilitators a lot of them a lot of times they try to make peace but it reminds me of The Godfather you I if you ever saw the Godfather back in uh I think it was 1973 or something some crazy thing 50 years ago or something but uh Don Corleo
ne The Godfather you know he's they're all sitting around a table and uh they're talking about a peaceful solution they actually used that quote they wanted to find a peaceful solution to where all the different uh mob bosses could all get along and not kill each other anymore so so they were all sitting around talking about how if you don't come over in this area right here and if you you stop calling hits on this person over here and if you stop murdering our guys over here then we can have a
peaceful solution you can still sell your drugs you can still uh run your racket just don't do it in our territory and we'll have peace really is that peace guys we still going to have we're going to have peace now no we're not going to have peace that's not peace okay everybody wants peace on their own terms but you got to have if you really want true lasting peace where there's absence of War there's absence of hatred there's absence of disunity and all that you've got to follow the principles
that bring it and the principles that bring this are right in front of your face if you've got if you've got your book open right now it's right in front of you in black and white okay so it says if offense is taken I'm in the second paragraph for a is for appropriate responses on page 125 it says if offense is taken because a person is teasing bullying or demonstrating some kind of disrespectful Behavior toward you then that person knows he or she is getting through in other words they know th
ey're pushing your buttons If no offense is taken laugh with them at their joke or simply ignore their remarks do not let them know they hurt your feelings this will only make them worse at their game don't confront them about it it will only escalate the situation so you know you you got to use what they call a poker face you know you got to you don't let them know you know like the old commercial said never let them see a sweat yeah you don't have to show your emotion you know you don't have t
o show how you really what you're really thinking you don't have to wear it on your sleeve don't let them don't let them es push your buttons to escalate the situation try to laugh it off try not to take offense at it and like I said it's not like it's easier said than done okay I'm not saying this is a simple thing to do sometimes because sometimes you know as we learned in the earlier in the chapter disrespect hurts disrespect hurts you know I've been called names and I've been uh I've been th
ere's certain parts of my you know anatom or you know my facial features or my the way I walk or whatever that people have made fun of and disrespect hurts I don't like it either but as a peacemaker what we have to do is we have to remember the person that's pushing our buttons is not learning what we're learning and in order for them to become in order for them to learn to stop doing what they're doing we're going to have to show them the appropriate ways to respond to their disrespect so so it
gives you some replies that are best to give we can go to the next visual uh can you go ahead actually go to the next the next slide and then we'll come back to that one it says some of the best uh some of the best replies when somebody somebody's pushing your buttons could be we could probably be friends if you weren't such a joker or you could say I resemble that remark and smile as you leave then if possible avoid the person or you could say there was a time when your remark would have hurt
my feelings but not anymore or you could say are you laughing with me or at me then just laugh or smile at them right now I got to be honest with you sometimes when I read these re these replies uh these might not be appropriate in every situation you might get your teeth knocked out I mean really you have to gauge the situation you know U like for instance if I was in prison I wouldn't use any of these if somebody disrespected me in a in a prison type situation and a stranger that I didn't know
I didn't know their disposition I didn't know their you know what they're capable of I didn't know you know if they have any self first of all they don't really have any self-control cuz they're trying to push my buttons so what are they really capable of doing if I smart off to them cuz a couple of these sound like they're smart answers so you got to really be careful and gauge the situation before you speak in fact can you show the next slide because a really wise man once said nothing Someti
mes the best thing to say is nothing right A wise man once said nothing sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut in a situation don't say a word okay because you don't know what the other person is capable of and you don't know if your response might escalate the situation even though you're trying to deescalate it it might actually make them more infuriated because you're not they're not getting at you right so you got to be careful and gauge every situation some of these answers I coul
d see using them in a junior high situation in junior high but I certainly wouldn't use these in uh road rage situation or you know something like that where I don't know the person and I don't know what they're C I already know they've got a baseball bat they're getting ready to swing it at me and I tell them something like you know uh we could be friends if he didn't looks like such a if you didn't look like Babe Ruth with that baseball bat you know or some stupid response you know and then he
ends up you know batting my head off or something so we got to be careful okay so it says never confront people who want to argue or fight never confront them never confront people who want to argue or fight how many people does it take to argue at least two right so if you have two people arguing you have two fools and if you have two fools that aren't using self-control what did Chris say Abraham Lincoln said it's bad enough when one fool loses his head but it's doubly bad when two fools lose
their head because now what you got is called a war right so you got to be The Peacemaker we've got to be the one we're being taught they're not being taught we are remember that when you leave this Auditorium and you go and do your business out there and at at Lowe's or Home Depot or Walmart or HB or wherever you go at work at school you're being taught the peaceful solution character education program you're being taught moral principles you're being taught how to deescalate a situation you'r
e being taught how to respond to disrespect they are not they're being taught by Hollywood they're being taught that if you say something something to them that they don't like they have every right to smash your face in right that's what they're being taught they're being taught that if somebody does something to me if somebody steps on my shoe at the shopping mall I have every right to step on their shoe and possibly even steal their shoes because they stepped on mine right this is what they'r
e being taught okay they're not being taught how to deescalate anything okay they're being taught you know get even if it feels good do it don't get mad get even you know that's what they say okay so never confront people who want to argue or fight just don't let it bother you just don't let it bother you just don't let it bother you you know it might be easier to not let it bother us if we knew everything that we if we knew everything about that person's background like the one who's pushing ou
r buttons if we knew about their background their upbringing their home environment what's going on at home you know possibly their wife's cheating on them or you know possibly they have a child that's involved with drugs you know possibly they're having trouble at home you know some kind of trouble everybody's having remember there's dysfunction in Every Family isn't there is there any family perfect out there and just because they come to work does that mean all their troubles are left at home
no you bring them with you to work or to the store you know so when that irate customer walks in you know it might not just be that he's irate about the phone bill you know he could go have other things going on that we don't know about he could also be suffering from some kind of uh mental defect that we're not aware of he could be bipolar he could be schizophrenic he could be there could be any a myriad of mental health issues that he's suffering from that we're not aware of but you know most
people are suffering from some kind of mental uh illness in this world today okay it it might be easier for us not to let it bother us if we would stop and think about and consider other people like consider that other person be considerate of them like think about like what kind of background do they have like where' they come from you know uh what am I am I doing anything to contribute to having a bad day today or is it just you know what could it be consider that other person and try to see
what we can do to help that other person have a better day in fact somebody answered the phone the other day A friend of mine uh he answered his phone the other day he said uh he said hello William how can I help you have a better day today and I was thinking I was already having an okay day but when he said that it was like that was pretty that was pretty cool the way he said that I was like Yeah I wanted to tell him well U there was a couple things I wanted to ask him but then I thought no I d
on't want to do that but for a better day but um but it it was really nice to hear somebody answer the phone like that rather than yeah what do you want you know or uh yeah you know or you know some some other response it was really it was really kind of cool okay it says um uh it says remember I'm in the third paragraph it says okay so never confront people who want to argue or fight don't let it bother you practice the poker face don't let your face show your irritation or hurt when remarks ar
e made remember remember most people joke because they like you most people joke because they like you by smiling you will learn those who do and those who do not those who do not like you will soon avoid you if they see they can't bother you with their remarks you know some people will not get the response they want as you know the old the old saying you know they keep pushing your buttons but you're not giving them any kind of response they're going to get tired of that they're going to go to
somebody El else that will you know um and for the most part that is true but that doesn't mean they're not going to try to really escalate the situation until they can get you to respond and if you have a red line like the UN you know I lot of these people and uh you know I think it was Chris or uh Katon might have been mentioning you know these countries all have a red line you know you can't cross this line if you cross this line we're going to war buddy you know well we can't have a red line
in the peaceful solution we none of us can have a red line you know where you can only push me this far and then you know if you push me further than that then I have a right strike out retaliate and get even with you buddy no none of us do we cannot retaliate ever if we retaliate we lose if we retaliate we lose if we retaliate we're no different than the one that's pushing our buttons we're no different than the one what separates us us from the one who's the warmonger and trying to trying to
push our buttons and get us to respond we there's no difference so it says remember it says if someone close to you or a loved one is making hurtful remarks in public simply laugh with him or her at the time then privately in a loving manner explain that the remarks that were made actually hurt your feelings and ask if it would not be better to build one another up rather than cut each other down be sure to do this in a loving respectful way remember what is referred to as the Golden Rule correc
t the person as you would desire to be corrected okay so you know don't you know in other words don't do it in front of everybody you know like Jerry Springer you know everybody's out there talking about their dirty laundry in public so of course you know everyone's going to get up set next thing you know chairs are flying people are out in the parking lot shooting each other you know I mean you don't do it that way you don't correct somebody in public in front of everybody you can like it says
right here you can go ahead and laugh it off but just pull them aside privately and say you know what that was like really hurtful what you said I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do it that say those kind of things in a loving way like you would want them to do to you you if you if they were the offender right we we have to always consider like one another like okay well how would I want somebody else to correct me would I want them to look at me all mean and start pointing at me and you know uh
getting in my face and you know raising their voice would I want that well if I wouldn't want that that means that you know that the other person doesn't either right remember the golden rule no the Golden Rule isn't whoever owns all the gold rules you know that's not the Golden Rule the golden rule is treat others the way you would like to be treated in any situation if someone close to okay it says uh it says don't forget it is never appropriate to talk back to an authority figure who is eith
er correcting you or asking you to perform a task on the other hand if an authority is asking inappropriate questions or trying to touch you in inappropriate ways excuse yourself and go tell another trusted authority figure and you know we teach in the lower grades of the peaceful solution Right Touch wrong touch you know there's Right Touch you know if you're hurt and your teacher has to put a Band-Aid on your finger or something or something like that there's a right way to touch and there's a
wrong way to touch and if someone ever tells you oh don't tell anybody you know I'm going to touch you here I'm going to do this but don't tell anybody you better go tell somebody you better go tell a trusted authority figure about what's taking place but it's never appropriate to talk back to an authority figure who's correcting you or asking you to do something that's not breaking the rules and even if they're asking you to break the rules it still isn't appropriate to be disrespectful to the
m you can respectfully decline to do what they're asking you to do and say you know should we be doing that you know isn't that isn't that against the rules you know you should you can ask them in a polite way you don't need to be disrespectful in any way so in anyway so I think that's probably where that's as far as we're going to get tonight page 125 we just finished it but I do want to go over I got a couple minutes so if you can show that one slide I skipped I want to make a point about some
thing there about uh uh about um the mind and body and this was from the uh the the self-control unit on page 38 it says positive emotions balance the body and mind they can relieve anxiety stabilize heart rate and blood pressure as well as stimulate the immune system keeping it healthy and making you better able to fight off infectious disease or even criticism from others you know in other words you know try to have you know try to think positive thoughts in a situation where your buttons are
being pushed so you'll have positive feelings okay and sometimes it's not easy to do that if your body's out of if your body's out of whack or you know something sometimes your mind if your mind's not well your body doesn't feel well if your body's not feeling well your mind don't feel well but positive emotions will help you deal with those situations so if you're having positive thoughts when somebody's disrespecting you try to have positive thoughts rather than the negative ones you'll be bet
ter able to fight off any kind of uh even the fact that they're pushing your buttons won't bother you so much is what I'm saying okay remember that try to have the positive thoughts because the positive thoughts lead to positive emotions and positive emotions lead to positive actions remember your feelings lead to actions and if your feelings are positive they're going to learn they're going to lead to positive actions where you're not going to lash out at the person you're going to you're going
to actually do something that will actually help that person and they'll probably be very surprised that you didn't get upset you didn't get angry and they might even ask you man where'd you learn how to respond like that and then you can share the peaceful solution with them right okay so that's where we're going to stop tonight let's see today is uh the 11th so it's going to next class is going to be on the 14th 6:14 Wednesday 614 2023 at 5:30 p.m. Central Standard time you've been a really g
reat audience and I appreciate your uh your coming out tonight have a great evening and we'll see you next class
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