in this video we are talking about seven signs that you are in the crash state of the fearful avoidant attachment style I am Pauline and I am so happy you are here because the Christ state is something I talk about often it's a name I gave what was happening to me when I had no idea what was happening to me it felt like I was crashing I used to sometimes explain it as it felt like I had these drunk episodes whereas sometimes I will be sober and I would see that my relationship was just really go
od and I was actually happy and I loved him there were episodes where I was just I did not understand what was happening in my head or in my body and it was all just so overwhelming and there was so much going on it was very confusing and very scary and so I started calling that the crash State and now looking back I I think I use that more as the time that my fearful avoidance attachment style was added at its worst like that the symptoms came out the most I was um confused the most and and it
was just all very overwhelming so I think I kind of use it interchangeably which doesn't make it much clearer but for now um I want to use the the the the explanations though that's that it's and um an episode where you're you're kind of like drunk um you just can't you can't seem to calm down you can't seem to get yourself to a place where you want to be um and that can happen quite a lot and very close together so that's why I sometimes also talk about the crash State as being just the few yea
rs that I was um yes suffering almost that I was struggling with my fearful avoidance attachment style the most so seven signs that you are in the crash State as a fearful avoidant is you are in fight or flight mode you are just in survival mode your body is so on and Hyper Vigilant and looking for threats and you don't really know why or what's happening because there is no tiger in the bushes but it feels like there is you just have this complete inability to to relax so especially in these ep
isodes it's like you have to do something there's just so much going on in your body and it feels like you either have to fight or flight or Fawn or freeze um to survive but you don't know where the threat is coming from which makes it even more complicated and makes it even even scarier in a way because you don't know what you're fighting we are fighting um and where it's coming from so that fight or flight State and that inability to relax is definitely a sign that you are in the crash state o
f the fearful avoidant attachments down and then the second one is emotional flashbacks and I I think it will help so much to know what this is because these were some of the most confusing things I experienced that um I would be doing fine one moment and then the next moment something would happen and I would feel so many different emotions and just get completely thrown back in time that's what I now know to when I was a child so I would feel powerless I would feel helpless I would feel So Unw
orthy I would feel so much shame and guilt and I wouldn't know where it came from and so because I didn't understand it I projected it on my relationship and I thought this relationship isn't right he is the one that is making me feel all these things um but they were emotional flashbacks just like um you can have visual flashbacks all of a sudden you see images flashing before your eyes you can have emotional flashbacks and that's emotions taking over your body at every any given moment when th
ey are triggered and this is also something that you you don't know where it comes from you don't know what triggered it maybe when you um are further along your healing process you kind of start to see oh wait this is when I have those emotional flashbacks but the thing that was so hard about it or is so hard about it is the fact that um it feels so real in the moment whereas imagery um it is more clear that it is a memory it is more clear that that was something in the past and I'm not I'm not
saying that that's any less worse than emotional flashbacks because you also have the feelings that come with that and it's that's very scary too um but when you just solely have emotional flashbacks it's it's really hard to discern whether this is something from the past or something that is happening in the present moment and what I've learned looking back on it is I think 95 of the times that I had a lot going on um emotion wise or feelings wise and it was just overwhelming and scary 95 of t
he time it was an emotional flashback so it was something triggered um the trauma from when I was a child because when I healed more and more these emotional flashbacks pretty much disappeared to the point where now they're pretty much non-existent so um yeah the the emotional flashbacks and the constantly getting triggered and constantly kind of feeling like that helpless powerless child and all of the other negative feelings um that you had when you were a child not feeling good enough not fee
ling worthy not feeling seen not feeling hurt and feeling like your Meats aren't met so needs aren't met so um yeah almost feeling like you're going to die um all of those things can just come up at any given moment which is very scary and when you're in the crash state that can happen a lot um several times a day sometimes the third sign that you are in a crush state is that you have pretty much no possibility for emotional regulation um back when I was in a crush State I had no idea what emoti
onal regulation was if you would have said that term that I would have gave you a Blank Stare um so it means that you are able to calm yourself down essentially which not it does not mean that you suppress your emotions it just means that you are able to work through them and process them and in a secure attachment you learn that by co-regulation so you learn that by co-regulating with your parents and in um in the insecure attachment styles that is not um that is not something that is modeled t
o you um in a way that you learn how to regulate your own emotions so that is something you now have to learn as an adult to regulate your own emotions and there are um so many ways to do that um but when you're in the crash state so when there's pretty much no possibility for emotional regulation uh the more subtle things like meditation probably won't work I'm saying subtle that doesn't mean that meditation isn't powerful it's super powerful but it's also very hard when there's like a war and
a storm going on in your body to just sit with it and so that's when I use the emotional Freedom technique anytime I was just overwhelmed with emotions and feelings and I just did not know how to handle that I would start tapping if you have no idea what the emotional Freedom technique is I have videos on that please check them out they're probably linked above here or there um and that really helped me to help my body process the emotions because without that tool I would have no idea how to fe
el slightly remotely okay so when you feel like you have no possibility for emotional regulation it's just it's overtaking you it's engulfing you that is a sign that you were in the crash state then the fourth sign is that you are fully in your protection and coping mechanisms without being aware of them really so especially with a fearful avoidant attachment style there are so many different protection mechanisms and coping mechanisms protection from rejection protection from abandonment from a
threat from being physically um threatened or in danger um just so many so many things that your brilliant brain and body and fear brain come up with to make sure that that what happened when you were younger never happens again um and so these are things like um having doubts about your relationship so you don't have to give yourself fully to the relationship so you can't make mistakes can't hurt others they can't hurt you they can't reject you because you never really knew whether they were t
he one anyway so that's a protection mechanism and A coping mechanism is working really hard proving your worth it can be addiction it can be any any type or form of addiction and so being fully in those protection and coping mechanisms without being aware of what's happening in the moment is it is a sign that you are in the crash state of the fearful avoidant attachment style so that means the question I I guess really means that your attachment style is triggered to the max so it is just trigg
er triggered constantly and and um to its maximum capacity and that happens more when you don't understand the attachment style when you start understanding it so when you watch these videos it it really helps to understand what is going on which will definitely help you move out of that crash State the almost the worst state of the fearful avoidant attachment style and make room for healing so what you're doing right now watching this video watching multiple videos it helps so much to get out o
f this crash day you are already healing by watching these videos which is why I make them for you because I that's that's what I want for you to be able to have a little bit more peace and clarity and move out of that crash state so you are capable and yeah capable of of healing you have more room for healing then the fifth sign is you are giving a lot of power to intrusive and impulsive thoughts and that happen often so you have you have intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts probably not e
very single fearful avoidant has them but I think a lot have them um so intrusive thoughts are really those are really horrible thoughts they um are thoughts of you harming other people of doing really really bad things um and all of this can be explained also I'll write that down as a as a video subject to why you have intrusive thoughts so it's not that you're broken or that your brain is broken or that you're a horrible person it's actually that you have that belief that you're a horrible per
son and that's why your brain will provide you with intrusive thoughts yeah I will explain more in a different video but um that's intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts is like what if I throw this down the stairs just not being able to completely trust yourself that's kind of the fear that underlies that um but the the difference is a lot of people have at least impulsive thoughts but sometimes sometimes also intrusive thoughts even securely attach people when I learned this I was like real
ly um but they don't give any power to them they have that thought and they're like that was a weird thought and they just continue on with their day whereas the fearful avoidance like why did I think that what does that mean what are the consequences or what does that say about me so you give a lot of power and attention to that thought and therefore more thought like more thoughts like that come up so giving a lot of power to those thoughts is a sign that you are in the crash state of the fear
ful avoidant attachments down and then the sixth sixth sign is ruminating and obsessing uh ruminating means just going in circles in your head thinking and thinking and thinking and trying to find a solution for something feeling like you're working towards a solution and that never really happening and obsessing means you are just completely engulfed by this thing that you are trying to see whether it is true or not or whether it is right or not so that means is this relationship right um do I
really love them and then checking your feelings and checking um your compatibility and um so it's it's very much all in your head and just a constant train that you can't really stop that is also a sign of the crash state of the fearful avoidance and then the seventh sign is getting triggered constantly and taking it seriously so I think this may even be one of the more important signs because if you're in a relationship that can be when the crash state of the fearful avoidant attachment style
comes out and that is because you get triggered constantly so when you're single it feels Freer and easier because you don't get triggered as much and when you're not very aware of the triggers and you haven't you haven't healed yet it's those triggers can be constant you can constantly be triggered in your beliefs I have different videos about the trigger still we'll link those two um but that can just be like a constant thing that you uh encounter anything your partner says or does can be a tr
igger even if all of that is actually quite loving it can still be a trigger so when you're getting triggered constantly that and you take it seriously like you don't see it as oh whoa I'm getting triggered um but you think oh my partner did this I I feel this way because my partner said something so it's my partner's fault like you're taking it seriously and you're um deflecting and blaming your partner and really believing the stories that your fear brain is telling you that's also a sign that
you're still in in the crash state of the fearful avoidant and this is what I noticed the most when I started healing um is that I got triggered way less less and less and less and that actually went quite fast because I started recognizing the triggers and then um obsessively figuring out what that trigger was and where it came from the whole obsessive thing can also be a gift um when it's not fueled by fear but by purpose but I I figured out so many triggers and and as soon as I knew what tha
t was and then I would heal it I would tap on it and I would just heal that trigger and so I got triggered way and way less and it happened so often that Aryan would do something my then boyfriend now husband would do something or say something and I would be like hmm like a week ago I would be triggered I would just close off completely and now I'm totally fine it it's it it was such a magical thing to note is that I could heal quite quickly actually and I could do something about this like Min
efield it felt like a Minefield every day when I woke up it felt like a minefield to go through the day and know that I I could be triggered in any moment um so yeah that brought a lot of relief that I knew how to uh release those triggers and I did a lot of that through the emotional Freedom technique and just being very radically honest with myself where that trigger came from what trauma I came from um and uh and then tapped on it sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes for a few hours so t
hat really really really really really really helped to move out of the crash State and because of that I could heal even more so it's it's kind of like the healing is almost like a flying wheel the moment you started um it becomes easier and easier because you get more and more space mental Clarity emotional space to heal more and more so it can actually go quite quickly if you know what's a what's a Healer exactly and what to tap on and you can heal you can definitely heal on your own uh I I h
ave so much belief and and faith in the wisdom of of your body your body knows what to do your body knows what to heal so you can absolutely do this yourself the emotional Freedom technique is not a hard technique to learn um so you can tap and just tap and tap and and and and and do this and try this on your own and you will heal more and more and more um but if you want to if you want to have help if you want somebody to guide you step by step and you don't want to figure this all out my onlin
e program is here he wasn't happy I don't want you to feel like you have to do that um I I make these videos with so much love and I will forever um so you don't need that you don't have to do that but if you just want to dive into this and you just want to do this step by step and go to the roots of the fearful avoidance attachment style and really feel yourself healing um quickly the program is here so check that link in the description below for more information um and as always I am so incre
dibly happy you are here and let me know in the comments below whether you are in the crash state right now or whether you recognize it but you know you've already moved out of it um I always want to know I really wish you so much peace peace through all of this and um yeah I'm happy you are here and I will see you in the next one
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