Welcome to the Men's ADHD Support Group.
I am Shane Thrapp, Operations Director for the Men's ADHD Support Group, and
today I am joined by Kristian Moton, our Organization Director for the Men's
ADHD Support Group, and Jonathan Greer, one of our amazing admins of our 16k wide
group on Facebook. Today we are going to really start talking about the The intersectionality of
experience of African American men within the ADHD community in getting diagnosed, getting treatment
in the families and
in our workplaces where a lot of people sometimes struggle when it comes to
having their voice heard and respected. So, what I would like to do is, Mr. Greer, go ahead
and introduce yourself and give us a little bit of background about who you are, what you
do, and your life up till now with ADHD. Well, I'm from Bowling Green. Originally,
not that I have to go back that far, but, you know, we have a long way of getting
a short story out. But I am a teacher and I've been married for 19 year
s. I
teach 6th grade and my wife. Of 19 years, she had suggested several years ago that
I get tested and I was kind of hesitant. But about 3 years ago, I took the leap of
faith and was diagnosed and since then, I have learned a lot of coping strategies. tools
that have helped me greatly. One of the tools is of course, this group that has helped me grow
tremendously. And I'm grateful for the things I've learned over the past three years that have
helped me help other people with ADHD as wel
l. So Kristian, talk to us about yourself, man. We had that podcast and
video of you the other day, and it's doing pretty decent on YouTube. So
for those who don't know, tell us a little bit about yourself, what you do and what
your experience has been like with ADHD. Okay. So Kristian Moton really great to meet
you guys all again and be on the podcast again. Thank you for having me. I guess, I guess you
guys like me since I'm here a second time to give you guys a little bit more backstory.
I'm
just in my way of ADHD just through the education system work primarily as an educator for some
time and after school nonprofit. Now I'm doing capacity building work for nonprofits and also
being on the board for this fine support group excited about that and the work that I'm doing
right now I'm also doing coaching and also doing appearances like this and conversations like this
and to build awareness for Black people with ADHD. I'm also queer, so that informs my experience
and how I
show up in the world as my authentic self. And I'm super stoked to have this
conversation with Jonathan Greer because I feel like we get to kind of like mix
and match in the conversations and spaces, but we've never really had that conversation,
so I'm really happy about this opportunity. So let's talk about the different
aspects of what it's like for y'all. One of the phrases that I hear a lot
when it comes to the African American and people of color experience is code
switching. Kristia
n, what does that mean? Loaded loaded, but what I, I
think when I hear code switching, what I talk about or what I experienced is
how I have to show up in spaces where not everyone is black and I have to appear
to be qualified in a conversation. This may be at work. Or in school, where I
have to combat preconceived notions about blackness by overcompensating who I am to be what
is deemed as proper or palatable to other people, okay. What about you, Mr. Greer? When it comes to
code switchin
g, what is your experience with that? What are your thoughts on that? With code switching, I have to be, or I
get the opportunity to be more mindful of my audience and I cannot use cultural
references that I would use amongst people that know those cultural references. I may
also be more intentional with the rate of speed in which I speak or vernacular,
but the catch with that is sometimes that people have verbalized that they
were surprised how well spoken I was. I was in an interview at o
ne
point and with code switching, I used vernacular that they were accustomed
to. And I did what. Was suggested and I sent a follow up email and the school said,
well, not the school. The principal said, you spoke rather eloquently. And I doubt
they sent that same verbiage to anyone else. However, when it came to me. They said, you
spoke rather eloquently. I don't know how, how did you expect for me to speak in an interview
for a teacher? However. With code switching, I have the opportunit
y to be very
aware of how I verbalize my thoughts, emotions, or even how I respond, because as
Kristian said, it's not always palatable, whether that be code switching with not only
my words, but the rate in which I speak. And the volume, because we, as people, generally
speaking, are animated people, excited people, and I get to tone it down so that it's palatable
for those that are more somber at times. I think when we talk about it, right, a lot of it
is kind of like what culture is rig
ht? So, like, I think me and my mom
had this thing where, like, we're not always completing our sentences, but
we already, like, let the part of it be assumed. So I don't got to say nothing. I could
just you already know what it is. You already know what time it is. You know,
I mean, even saying things like that, because I think so much of. Our language.
So much of our language is something that we've had to create on our own and
talking about our shared experiences. I think a lot of it. I
t's weird because the way
that we interact as people, the way we interact as black people, we don't really try to mince our
words. We try to present ourselves are very open. We're very kind of accommodating. So we don't, we,
we really try to communicate in a way. Okay. Where we're thinking about the other person as well,
but we're also trying to elicit our experience. I think we've been able to develop
a language amongst ourselves that does that. But when we come into
spaces that don't hav
e that culture, that's that can be a little bit drawing
for people who are not. Engaged in that way. And because the perception is, oh, it
comes from a space of maybe historically. Oh, it's because of a lack of education or it's
because of a lack of, societal understanding, right? We kind of have to, because we're
the minority culture and not the majority, we have to acquiesce to what that is. I
wonder if that answered your question. It does, it does, absolutely. Now, this question is for y
ou, Jonathan, but
I want to talk to Kristian about this as well, because you have a different experience
as a queer Black man. But, do you have to code switch within your own communities?
So that you can convey what you want to say in the way that you want to say it, but
in a way that they understand as well? Yeah, it, you could call it code switching. For
instance, as a teacher, there's certain things that I know teachers would understand, but also
I am aware of the fact that not everybod
y has the educational background that I have and points
of reference that I have. So, in some ways, it would be code switching just because
they don't have that point of reference. You said something earlier as well, excuse
me, that I wanted to share if I can that it's not only language that we code switch, but body
language and interactions. There's a difference in culture that I'm aware of that even in the
gym this morning, because it's been my habit to go to the gym in the morning and to
day was
a teacher in service day, but I went earlier. And as I was leaving. I noticed that there was
this African American or black man coming in and in our culture, generally speaking, if I see
someone you recognize, I see you. I don't have to have a elongated conversation with you. But if I
make eye contact with you, and I see that you are wearing this melanin, some form of communication,
but I know if I see 1 of my fellow colleagues. I don't do that with them because
that's not the cult
ure. So I'm still code switching by not doing that because
they would look at me as why did you nod your head at me? Was something wrong with
something in your eye? But I know if I'm going into the gym and I see a brother from
another mother, whether we're close or not. Acknowledge him. Acknowledge her. How are
you? But that's code switching as well. Like, we have this saying, like, what's
understood doesn't need to be spoken, right? Right. We don't have, you know, I
don't, if, if I'm in a
space where it's, like, there's only one person who looks like me,
we both have very, very similar experiences of dealing with people's microaggressions, dealing
with people's with being othered in a situation. So having that kind of, like,
similarity or that kind of, like, Feeling we're like being seen to at
least establish a space where like, Hey, I was safe here. You can be safe here. We kind
of have that. I feel like being, I feel like I, I find within my own community. I find that I c
an,
I can, I have to mask more than anything else. I feel as though I have to seem. I can't speak as
fast if I'm already not speaking fast because I'm in mixed company is the word that we're going to
use, or at least the word I'm going to continue to use if I'm in mixed company, I'm not going
to be saying everything, or I'm not going to be speaking as fast as I need to be speaking
right or as cut as what comes naturally to me. I will, however, and then that's even
more so when I'm like hav
ing to, like, be in a space. Where I'm with people in my
community where I still have to mask I still have to seem like I have it all together, or, or
stuff like that, where, I guess I would say that I wouldn't speak as fast, I would have to complete
most, most of my sentences I would have to. Explain my experience and myself and I
guess being weird. I think, of course, I can't if it to Jonathan's point about
mannerisms. If I have to already monitor myself and my behaviors with my words, I'
m
definitely doing it with my body because I'm not as I'm not as animated.
I'm very much hands. I'll snap. I'll clap. I'm very loud. I'm very,
very, very loud. I can't do none of that. Even on this podcast, I have to be
monitoring it because, you know, if I am, you know, who I am, you know, Shane,
you wouldn't have eardrums. You would, you would have no eardrums by the end
of this, you know, and I, you know, those consistent considerations,
those consistent moderating, right. That's what
you already have
to come to the door with. So you try kind of kind of looking at
that though, you know, many black men find themselves having to mask like
Kristian you were talking about that. What is it like having to mask who
you truly are when it comes to your mental health and different things like that? You know, I feel like I wish I could give
a little bit more hope to the conversation, right? But, you know, I've tried not to mask
and I've tried to kind of like be my authentic self i
n these like, in these spaces, whether
it be work or whether it be a situation with friends. I find that with my friends who are
neurodivergent, I can do it, my gaming friends, I can do it, but there's some circles where
I can't, and it just doesn't come off well, and it doesn't communicate who I
am in the best way, so I, I, I, it, it does suck that to a certain degree I have to
be inauthentic, but if I wasn't, then I wouldn't be able to articulate to Jonathan's point, you
know, we're so a
rticulate, we're so eloquent, we can give ourselves, but it's because we think
so much It's Of how the other person perceives us. If I, if I didn't do that. People wouldn't get
it. And I've already done that in school. I've already tried to be my un an authentic self in
school and I, I see how it didn't work. So I, and I guess I, I, I feel like I've come
around to understanding the world in that way where I don't, like, I'm not always gonna
be understood by everyone, and that's okay. It is
a little disappointing though but
it's good to, again, it's good to be in, like, spaces like the support group
and in conversations like this where I can be my whole self, which is why it's so
important that you can and you need to be. What about you, Mr. Greer? As a teacher, what is it like with you having
to mask and things like that? And how do you kind of balance that? Honestly? It can be very challenging. It can be challenging
because, two weeks ago, I had experienced after days and da
ys and days and days of a student,
unnamed student that was extremely challenging and I didn't respond the best because
they were interfering with my passion. I'm a teacher because I want to make
a lasting impression. And. In the moment after running in the morning after
therapy and medication, I did, you know, speak rather passionately passionately about the
student and my expectations and it just kept going and I took a few days off. I did get sick and
really in real life and it was conv
enient but. It gave me time to reflect and
when I came back, I was thinking, Oh, the student's going to cooperate
and they did not. And in that moment, I'm not going to lie. I'm learning even
more at 43 to not wear the mask. It's not healthy. People implode or explode and that's
not what I wanted. So I called in that moment. I called the council like, look, I need you
to get this student. And what that showed me was after I went downstairs. That I'm not
all the time given the same opportun
ity to be vulnerable about my emotions as
other people because I'm a man and even more so because I'm a black man, that
I'm just supposed to internalize someone. It wasn't even about what the student said. I
could care less. I'm 43. My plate is full. I'm not trying to befriend a child. My point was
you're interfering on my passion, my desire to make a lasting impact. And as a person of color, a
black man, I'm not given that same opportunity to be vulnerable. So then if I implode as a black
man
and do self destructive behaviors, I'm ridiculed. But if I explode, then I'm seen as the angry black
man. But if I. If I do what's healthy and say, look, this is not good for me, it's unexpected
because now I've gotten outside the role that's been predetermined for me, but I'm choosing
not to do that anymore and I'm choosing. No, I'm choosing me. I'm choosing my mental health. This is not good for me. And in some
times. I'm getting kicked back, but I'm, I would rather get kicked back fr
om other
people. I can't control their responses. I can only control mine. And that's where I am
today. And I feel better about it. And I'm, oh, well, boundaries has helped
me tremendously with that. The book boundaries, when to say yes and how
to say no. It's great. I'm telling you, it's a great book. And I go to that. I can't control
your perception of what I did. I can control how I'm allowing this to influence me.
No, and no is a complete sentence. I like, I like your take on it becaus
e
it's like, who do I like you deal with it? Not me. You, you deal with however you figure
out. I love that. I love that take. I love that perspective. That's how that's helpful to
me. for that. Thank you for sharing that. So, that kind of comes into the next question
that I wanted to talk about, boundaries. There's often a stigma around mental health in many
communities, especially the Black community. How do you navigate living in that
world where mental health is such a stigma? How do y
ou, how do
you express that to people? I have since learned to advocate for myself
in really Just be authentic. Yeah. Kristian said it really be my authentic self and
the authentic me is aware of even more so the importance of mental health with the
increase in death by suicide, the increase of self destruction. It's made me even more
aware of the importance of my mental health. I don't take it as a light thing. A few years
ago in February, I don't know why. February, but a few years ago,
I experienced the lowest
mentally I've ever been in life, like low, low, low. And it was a low. I never imagined I would
have, and I don't like violence and I don't have a weapon. And I was so low that I sent all
my passwords to my wife and I was still at work. And my students, they were like, you're
okay, Mr. I'm trying to regroup. I'm trying to regroup. And. I was so low and I took the next
day off and that low allowed me to have more sympathy and empathy for people that battle
depressio
n and those low moments in a way. And now when I interact with other
people, it's not from a place of, okay, think of something happy. I have more
sympathy and empathy and I am even more now in 2024 and advocate for me. If that means
I call the principal, call the counselor, like take this or tell even when I
was having rough. Days last week. Hey, Aunt Margaret. This is going on. I
even said openly. There's no shame about it. I advocate. I have therapy on Tuesdays
at 1 p. m. to the point.
My mom was like, maybe I should go because I'm open about it
because that was not always an option for me to address those issues that I'm
confronting or the mental struggle. So that's why I am so much Of an advocate
for it because I see how I've grown in the last three years. It's made me more aware of my
emotions, how I'm responding, even physically, like when the student just kept going and going
and going and going in times past. In times past, I would have not paid attention, but I not
iced,
okay, your heart rate is going faster, Greer. Breathe, Greer. I know you're starting to. I
didn't respond as quickly as I did in times past, but I said that to say, Mental health,
especially now with the climate in the land, I am an advocate for myself because
I'm not going to let what other people do yell out who I am in the process.
That I've experienced days like that. So if necessary, if I have to take off
work, I will take off work. If I have to call my brother from another moth
er, my
bro, Chacho's my bro. Me goes like, Hey, this is going on. That's what I'm going to do.
And I'll also continue to exercise, but I've learned that mental health is also advocating
for me. I'm going to get through this moment. I tell myself, it's just a bad moment. Not a bad
day. It's just a moment. I may cry and I'm aware of there's a book called cry like a man and just
learning to embrace what I'm feeling in a moment, but not allowing that moment to turn into
months and an app. No,
Greer, you feel what you feel that? And that's the other thing with
mental health that it is perfectly okay to cry. I will cry. I said at the piano last week
playing. I need you to survive. It's a song. Yeah, I was playing it. I was like, look, I'm
going to encourage myself, but in doing that, it was part of my mental health. Like,
no, I am going to encourage myself and advocate for my mental health. So that's
in a nutshell of why I advocate for it. Because if I'm not going to fight
for me
and my mental health. Who will Both of those songs now are in my head. Encourage Yourself is like, that's my
joint. That's my joint. Back in the day, it makes you make me think about ministry. Right?
So, back in the back in the day, I had this, we had this conversation a little bit earlier,
but I was telling Shane and Marc how. Like, when I was bi, like, I'm still bi, but
when I was in ministry, like I told them, I was very open about my life because I was
like, if we are a space that love
s each other and shares about, you know, be honest,
tell the truth, then let me test that. Let me let y'all know this is what I got.
This is what I'm going with. And I feel like with ADHD was a lot easier than
my bisexual identity, but with ADHD, I think a lot of. Parents are easier to admit
that the kids are so I always kind of like saw myself as like as soon as she came like as soon
as I like said, like, hey, this is who I am. It's like, hey, can you help my kid? Hey, can
you help my kid
? Hey, can you help? And I'm like, I find that I'm often when I do get to
share about my story and my experience and my struggles and the victories with ADHD.
I think a lot of people wind up You know, seeking that assistance and seeking that support. And I feel as though sometimes I, and I guess
this is a little bit of a hinge for me that sometimes I can be the person. And John, I
wonder if this is your experience to where now I have to be the person for other
people where I'm still not all
the way there in my journey, or maybe all the way
kind of where I need to be foundationally. But now I have to, like. Be at
service to my community. But when I when I share I've been authentic
about my story since I've been like 2021 where I felt like I've done enough
for other people, people pleasing and and acquiescing to other people's needs and
like morphing myself into somebody I'm not. Now I'm kind of putting myself into positions
where I can understand a lot more about my experienc
e and I share that immediately. I
don't know, it's my ADHD, right? As soon as I learned something about myself, I'm like,
hey, here's this cool thing I found out. And I feel like that that's helped me
where it's not like a situation where, like, I have to come out. It's something like this is something else
I learned about myself. This is another experience I learned about myself. So I think
that journey and taking my community on that journey has been helpful. But if I felt like
if I wasn
't doing that for a really long time, and I had to do that. That might be an
entry point or an entry conversation for me. I ripped the bandaid off and told
everybody all at the same time, but what I've learned now in
my adulthood is, you know, Hey, how are you doing? I'm doing well. This is
what I found out. This is how I'm wrestling with it. How are you doing? And that's kind
of how I, that's how I've gone about things. Can I say something else about that? Like first in with mental health.
It's helped my students with my, with my transparency. I strive to be what I wanted
or what I needed. Like for instance, last year, a student, a named student, obviously
he was sleep. And I'm like, you were asleep and he's shared that. Okay. They changed my
medication. I'm like, you could have told me that. And so I literally in my desk,
put up my medication. I was like, do you see this? And this was like, when I first
started the whole process of getting, you know, like medicated and, an
d I said, you could have
told me. I said, when I first started getting medication. I was literally up like to 2 or 3
o'clock in the morning until they changed my dose. So I understand how you feel. Just let
me know. And the challenge, if I may, is not so much of I find myself, I talk
about it more. So the challenging part is not talking about mental health and
talking about it. My students have felt empowered. I had a student last year
That the parents said, thank you, sir. Thank you so mu
ch, Mr. I knew about you before
I even met you that my son has autism and he has ADHD, but he looks up to you and you
give him hope and so to the point where the student was sitting in my front at the
front of my room and I would tell him, okay, I need to take my medication at eight o'clock. If I forget, you remind me.
And the student was like, Mr. Greer. You take it. And even though this
is another year, the students like Mr. Greer, you take it. So in doing that, I've
as vulnerable as it
makes me, it's empowered him. And even my student from another
student, he was like, Mr. Greer, can I get a hug? Today was a rough day. Got you, son. So for
me, it's more than just my mental health. As I'm getting healed and I'm getting better,
I'm empowering others to know, okay, yes, this may be a additional challenge in your
life. It may cause you to use timers nonstop, but it doesn't make you a bad person. It just
means you have opportunities to do things in a different way to the point
to where in my
class, I say, everybody's different and that's, and the students say, okay, and I'll
even say it again, everybody's different. And that's. Okay. And if there's anything
that pops off in the class, I'm like no, everybody's different. And that's because
I want them to be empowered to know that, yes, you may think differently.
You may need timers. You may need a fidget. You may need to stand up or
you prefer to stand up, but that's okay. That doesn't make you a bad person. You
just do
things differently. So mental health is very, very, very important and it
helps you be authentic. And embrace it and be okay with it. Like, I'm good Dang. You make 6th grade. Sound awesome. Hey, so, so I want to kind of talk about
something because ironically enough. My 6th grade social studies teacher he was.
Just absolutely amazing. His name was James L. Germany. He marched with Martin Luther
King. And what I'm sitting here talking about, he would bring social studies and the Ame
rican
history and the different things into the classroom. He would talk viscerally about
what it was like during the civil rights era. And what it was like during those times
and what it was like growing up and kind of giving us all a lot of perspective, not just
as his experience as a black man in the 40s, 50s and 60s and on, but as a person who was
pushing the envelope on equality and being able to talk about things like mental health and
things of that nature, what do you say to people
? And what do you say to your students
out there to get them to understand the importance of mental health? How do you pull
that out of people? How do you make people feel comfortable enough to talk about that?
And I'll start with Kristian on this one. I'm not afraid to tell people about my story, even
if it's ridiculous. So, I just had a conversation with my mom. And I think I have some prevailing
theories. Interestingly enough, me and my, my relationship with my parents as an adult has
g
otten way, way, way, way, way better. What I find is that, like with my mother, we have like
this we get to talk about anxiety a lot without actually naming it, but we talk about our anxiety
and earlier today I had a conversation I got a replacement phone from my iPhone 12 because it
looks a, it looks a mess in the back, right? The whole screen is cracked. You can see.
Hold on. Let me see if I can show. This is what it looks like and I've been working
with this bad boy for about a couple mo
nths, paying the insurance, you know, I could do it,
but navigating the website was bad. So like, you know, I just won't order it for six months. Will I pay the insurance fee every six months
for each month? Absolutely. Will I get the replacement? No. So when I finally was fed
up because I almost cut my hand, I was like, let me just go ahead and order it. Let me
not the UPS guy. Puts the note on my door, and none of the writing is left.
So you know when the, you know, say you can find it at
this location,
and he like physically wrote it in. I couldn't read that for nothing. So, my next, my
very next instinct was to put all of my clothes on and run down the stairs so I can catch the bus.
Before he like drives off to his next place. And I'm explaining this story to my mom and the
thing that, again, going to code switching, the thing that I don't have to talk about
was like the panic to not have my phone when and not know where it is, because I know
for another couple of weeks,
I will order it. All I said was my ran so fast down
them stairs. And then we was just both dying because we were like, and
the way that I said it was this man, I couldn't read nothing on that paper. I
couldn't read none of that paper. If that phone was somewhere, I wouldn't know where
it's at. You know, Jeannie could have it. Aladdin could have it. I don't know who would
have it. Because whatever that man wrote, it was in script. I don't know what it was,
but I ran down the stairs and I g
ot that phone, you know, and I feel like when I
have stories and I get to talk to them about that, they can kind of like
see my own experience and then tell me. You know, later that gave my mom permission
to say, Hey, you know, with your sister, this is what I'm dealing with right now. And
you know, you know, how could it be this way? And I feel like when you are real with your
own experience, even as my nude and as silly as they are, it gives other people permission
to say, Hey, this is w
hat I'm going through. So what I always do is I
just show up. I tell them, Hey, this is how I was ridiculous today.
What you got going on? And then we can, you know, we talk it out and. Really, it's
all about just having those conversations. I feel like just having a conversation and just
being real and just being yourself in that. And you know, that's my mom, my dad, we
talk about ADHD a lot and we talk about how, you know, we're always thinking faster
than other people. So it was like, h
ow did they not get that? You know,
it's like, how did they not do that math? We might not do simple things. Like
both of our kitchens are messes, right? Everything around us looks like
a tornado hit it. But like when, when people are telling us their
own experience and their own story, we're talking to each other like they just don't
get it. They just don't understand. But we also have like real small things that we don't do.
And I think you're able to connect with people on that level wh
en, when, when you're just
real about your shit. That's how I feel. That's true. That's definitely true. We've
seen that in the men's group, right? People sharing their experience in the men's group and
then turning around other people sitting here identifying with that, and which is why this was
so valuable is we want to make sure that everybody feels safe enough to talk about their struggles
and their thing, the things that they go through. And I think there's a lot of value making sure
that minorities are heard because y'all are disproportionately affected. By the entire system
that's out there, right? Not just because of, you know, lack of health care, which is
an issue, but also because, you know, inner city schools have to depend on federal
financing and federal financing is based on test scores and test scores aren't always in, you know,
indicative of a child's actual ability because. It's just not really relevant because of our
neurodevelopmental delays and it's not
that we're dumb It's not that people are with ADHD
are you know, try it's because our brains work a certain way and on average it's two to three years
behind the neurotypical child's and You know, I think that's just one of those things that
we really have to acknowledge is That's why we see the lower statistics for people with ADHD
being diagnosed in people of color's communities. It's interesting that you said that. When
I was diagnosed about three years ago, I immediately, I was excited
after going
through my mourning phase because actually I contemplated it like a year and a half
before the mass shutdown. But then, of course, when that, when everything was closed, it was more
challenging and when I was officially diagnosed, I posted it on Facebook and my mom, she was
like, yeah, you had you was diagnosed as a child. I'm like. I don't remember. She said,
yeah, you was on medication. And then when you went away to go to your aunt, we
took you off the medicine. I'm like, mo
m, she's like, did you struggle in school? I'm
like. Yeah, I don't know what she remembered, but I had a messy backpack. How could I not
struggle? My backpack had papers everywhere. How did you not know? I didn't have the
greatest of grades. I wasn't a horrible student, but it made me realize
as I'm older that I wasn't privy to continued medication or medication and
therapy or medication therapy and a 504, which you talked about education to where
I would have. Been afforded that extended
time or additional services that other
people possibly would have been getting. I didn't get so I struggled. I struggled.
I it was so hard and I waited to the last minute. I still remember feeling
overwhelmed in 6th grade because, you know, we wait to the last minute. And
this particular year it was science and it was a science project to where you were supposed
to make an atom. I remember it like yesterday. Everybody else, they had planned days
and weeks to turn their atom in. They, you k
now, they had used styrofoam balls
and it looked all nice. I waited to the day before. I waited to the day before and
I remember I did the carbon atom. Okay, I, I'm going to do carbon because it's easy. Well,
in my head, it seemed easier than the process, so when I got to school with my version
of what a carbon atom looked like, I looked at Becky's and, you know, I mean, I'm
throwing out just random names, and I'm like, and of course I felt horrible when I waited
to the last minute to, had
I been diagnosed, given medication, and learned coping strategies
of how to break things up, so it just added on to my complexities of how I viewed myself because
I I was one of the few people of color. I mean, here's the thing, it gets really, really
layered when you're a person of color and you're on a different socioeconomic
than the people in your surroundings. So I had, okay, I have ADHD, but I didn't
know it on top of the fact I'm black. And then on top of that, I'm black and
I am g
rowing up in a single parent home and I was going to an affluent.
More affluent because I didn't go, I didn't live in the neighborhood. I went to the
school because my grandmother was a bus driver. So I have all these double whammies. So I wasn't
like the rich black people. I was the horrible looking. Carbon atom that I'd colored with a
marker. Everybody else there was spray painted and looked all nice. So when you are a person of
color and you're undiagnosed or you don't have all the same
resources, literally at your fingertips,
you get this, you grow, you grow up and you have this skewed view of yourself and you don't
realize that you're more than your diagnosis. You're more of the symptoms of.
And I, I thought that, okay, no, I was more than that. I'm so grateful that
I did have. Those teachers, to your point, you talk about education, those teachers that
saw me for me, I always try my best to tell her every now and then, Mrs. Gerard,
you had a lasting impact on my life,
you saw me for me, you allowed me to
stay in for recess and type my poems. They weren't Langston Hughes worthy, but she
saw my poems and took construction paper and she put construction paper around it.
And when she retired a few years ago, she took a picture of all the
pages and it was from 1990 to 91 and she still had it. And today I'm
so grateful because poetry is my go to. If I'm happy, I'll write a poem. If I'm
sad, I'll write a poem. If I'm like, ah, I'll write a poem. And it's teach
ers like that,
that that's my why I want to be that type of teacher that when a student is going down the
hallway and he's having one of the moments, because yes, we, as people with ADHD, we get
super excited, but our lows can get real low. Our lows can get real low if we're not careful.
So if you, Mr. I want to bet I got you because I want to be what I wish someone would have done for
me, especially as a man, but I'm grateful to pay it forward. And for moments like this to just, you
know,
Let other brothers from another mother know, Hey, look, you're not alone in it because, and
even in our group, when I see people, I'm like, Hey, there's a brother and I purposely try to, but
even within, goodness, we didn't talk about this, that wasn't a question, but even within the
community, there's sometimes a hesitancy to greet another man because you don't want to be
seen as You're encroaching upon their space. I'm going to acknowledge you, but I got to kind
of tread carefully becaus
e would you agree that that happens sometimes? That you got to,
you greet people, but you try to fill out okay. Because we with ADHD, we can be a little
clingy, but we don't realize we're clingy. So it's a double whammy because you can speak
to somebody, but you can't speak every day. Cause then they might think either you're
clingy or you're trying to holler at them or what is it? But it's just ADHD, we
find something we like and we go with it. I found that definitely in the
beginning whe
re I feel like, I feel like when everything was like
super, like, we just got started, I feel like we were all trying to be each other's
friends and just have a friend group of 5000 men. And that'd be quick that quickly became
unsustainable, but I feel like what I feel like, but I feel like My ministry has always
been kind of like, create the space and create the access and create the programs
for people. I think I remember having one, one, like one, a couple, just one of my
guys, me, Mark
and John are really cool. Shane and I Sam, can't forget about Sam.
We would, we'd be playing games. And it's, I feel like I've been gunning for those, like,
real one to one personal interactions. I will say that I'm not really, really great, and I'm
sorry guys, I'm really not great when that, when the newcomers come in. I be
like, I'm the old, I'm old school. You know, if he was there during the
pandemic, when everything was going down, we cool. But. I see your point of like
education, ri
ght? Because I also was the kid in the app. My mom said, you're not going
to school and you're not going to school in the Bronx. You go to school in Manhattan and
you get in the same education they get. And I'm not hearing it. They're not going to
disqualify you because they're not going to disqualify you because you're uneducated.
They're going to, they're going to have to tell you to your face. Because you're
black, they're gonna have to because every other qualification you're gonna have
. And
I remember my project was like the house. And I remember one, one girl, she had like the
floor plan and she had like this little like, this Japanese house. And I remember I just
had a shoe box. I colored and my grandmother, I love her. I miss her. She she,
she put pennies on her wall. She had this glue that she put, she
had pennies and rocks on the wall. So I did that. It looked crazy. People
didn't know what I was going for, what I was doing. But in my mind, I was like,
just use yo
ur imagination. All that to say, How much of like, I imagine how much like of
that educational experience informed how you are and how you show up as an educator today,
and how like that becomes your life now where you're kind of like being that person for
other people and how inspiring that is. And I just wanted to highlight that for you that
like that's that really does shine through in your in your work and and and how you communicate
with other people and how you present yourself and th
at I just want to I just from a from another
person with a very similar experience. It's very, it's something that I can look up to, and I
can be inspired to so I want to share that. Thank you because I really do strive. And
when you said that it made me really think about. Why the other week hurt me so
emotionally. It wasn't what he said. It was you're impeding upon my effort to
provide a space where students can know, Hey, I am a good student. My version of
good not everybody else's vers
ion of good. When you talked about projects, I mean, that's
the great thing about ADHD in some ways, you have like. Someone can say something,
you immediately go back to that moment, like the trigger memory that Shane had
mentioned. When you talk about projects, I thought about the pyramid and
I waited to the last minute. I waited again to the last minute. And I was,
I remember it. I was in the kitchen. And the teacher said, you can use flour and water and
something else to put on the card
board. Well, I wait to the last minute. I'm in the kitchen
and I'm cutting this cardboard. I cut myself with the knife. Oh, no. So I remember that like,
so when you said, I'm like, oh my goodness. So when I'm talking to my students. Not that this
is supposed to be therapy when I'm talking to my students and I'm trying to get them to break it
up. I'm talking to the younger version of me like, hey, dude, don't wait to the last minute.
You don't have to cut your finger in the process. If you d
o a little bit every day,
because, you know, we think differently. We wait to the last minute
and then we get overwhelmed. But you know, I don't want to cut you
off, but like, you know how much of it is, you know, when, I don't know about you,
right, but like, to a certain degree, I think after a certain amount, like,
Like the homework at home was always difficult because it was like me on
my own and I had to do it by myself. And I wonder, like, I don't, I don't
know how much assistance t
hat you had, but for me to for a lot of projects,
it was just me alone kind of like, figuring that out. So, a lot of the work
now, especially now, when I was working with nonprofits and after school and stuff
like that, you have to provide a space for these kids to do it because once they're at
home, they have to do a whole nother role. They might have to be a parent. They might
have to be, they, they might have to. They might have to be a worker in some degree. They
might have to do somet
hing like you don't know, especially kids in our communities that they,
they, they, they put on a whole nother hat. So a lot of the work that I was doing is like,
you got to make the space for them to at least. Through the rest of class because it's
a very, very different situation where those supports aren't there. I'm my mom
was my mom was a single parent like when I was a teenager and I had to kind of
like step up in that way. And I had to kind of like travel and kind of like take
care
of myself and take care of others. So I feel like and and still have
my ADHD. So I'm wondering how much I wonder how much like when we, when
we're as educators like we want to do that. But like how much of it is
realistic and I feel like we don't, we're not honest as a school system where we
have these types of expectations on students. And the other challenge is that in our
culture is what happens at home stays at home. I couldn't necessarily, it's not
that my mom did it intentionally, bu
t yeah, I tell her, I think you're narcoleptic or
you have ADHD. 1 of the 2 because my mom, she would literally, she would literally do
this. All right, she would, she would come home from work and she would talk on the phone,
but then she said, okay, I'm gonna take a nap. Wake 15 minutes. 15 minutes pass, wake
me up in 15 minutes. Wait, I'm like, Mama, we've been waking you up for the past
hour and a half, so I can't go to school, like, hey I woke my mama up for like two hours
because she
's narcoleptic and she may have ADHD, I couldn't go to school until my teacher, I
don't have any help because she's sleeping. But, but that's what it was like. So
it was either me do the project last minute on top of all those, the
executive functioning. I mean, I realize now why I did the things that I
did and he's not even asked this question, but it was just a lifesaver. Mentally to
understand that I'm not in this journey alone. I've learned to advocate for myself in
moments like that f
or like, 19 years, right? And three years. I'm a different version
of Greer than I was three years ago, so I would internalize or get
frustrated if my wife would ask, well, what do you want to watch? Well, please
don't ask me because she would get on Netflix and try to go through all that. I'm like,
don't do that. So I now advocate for myself. I'm like, hey, babe, you already know.
I don't like scary movies. I don't want to watch murder mystery, so I'm going to tell
you what I don't like a
nd you pick from there, like even, even yesterday was not yesterday was
yesterday, whatever day it was, we was watching the color purple, the musical, but prior to
that, she was going through all the stuff. I'm like, I closed my eyes because I wasn't
going to be overwhelmed by whatever we were going to pick and I'm like, you pick and
just being able to do that has helped me a lot. It, and it's also been a
challenge for our relationship, but it's better. Whole, whole, whole lot
better now,
because in the past three years, I've learned to advocate for myself
in ways that I never did before. I've learned not to be passive. I've learned.
To really, like I said, advocate for me, like, Hey, this works for me. This does
not work for me for my mental health. Please just pick a show for my mental
health. I even going out to eat used to be a challenge for us because she would
say, you never want to go anywhere new. No, I don't want to go anywhere new.
And I learned to verbalize. Babe
, it's not about the place for me. For me, I just
want to be where you are. I love you. We've been married for 19 years. I said, here's, here's the
win win. So this is what we do. I said, babe, when you ask me, do I want to go to Cheddar's
or I want to go to whatever the restaurant is? First off, I'm feeling overwhelmed because you mentioned eight restaurants. That's
overwhelming. Then I have to think, once we choose the restaurant, what do I want
to eat? So here's the win win that, that we
, we, this is the compromise. All right. You
can try instead of her. And I just, if she goes down the list of five, six, seven, eight
restaurant now, babe, babe, babe, I love you. Beautiful. I love you. You pick. So here's our
agreement. If we go somewhere new outside of Cracker Barrel and the places that
I like. You pick the restaurant, you know what I like, you know I'm
pescatarian, you order my food, and I'll eat it. I just wanna be where you are,
baby. I just really wanna be where you
are, baby. So if you there, I'm there. You pick
the restaurant, I, I pay the bill. But just, you know, just really wanna be
honest. But I mean, as a man sometimes, especially as a black man, you gotta be there.
That vulnerability to say that it works, it don't work. No, it, now I'm looking like it
don't work. I pay for it anyway, so let's just go. That's why I wish people would be true to
the relationship that they have, you know, instead of the, the, what their
expectations of relationshi
p is, like how we, I don't know,
millennials, we got a bad man. Cause we like, this is what man should do. And
this is what the expectations are. I'm like, but you in that relationship with that person,
y'all not getting likes, you know, for every day, like y'all not doing this, but like, y'all not
ain't nobody subscribing to you. I was like, what is going on? And I feel like, you know,
I, I had this conversation with a partner before we we broke up, but I'm like, we, I'm
always like, let'
s have a shared language. Let's have shared expectations. Let's have,
let's have things that make sense to you. And I, you know what I mean? So I try to, I try
to get to that point where it's like, Hey, this is how I show up. This
is how I'm doing things. And I ain't married. You know what I mean?
But what I have established is like, you know, if we can't talk to each other and
understand each other and like what we need. Yeah. We always going to get into it
because I'm going to say that w
e can say the same thing and mean two totally different things. So I appreciate what you shared. I want to expand on that, and this is
for both of you and I'll start with you, Kristian, because you were kind of
in that conversation right there. But when it comes to your relationships
and you having ADHD and your authenticity, what has worked for you in your relationships
that. you know, helps with your mental health, your physical health. What has worked in your
relationships? Because we se
e a lot of those problems in the group where people struggle to
get their partners to understand their ADHD. What has worked for you when it came to living
that authenticity and having that relationship? I'm a guy, we gotta have stuff in
common. And what's weird is that for me, my end is always going to be television. So
if we can watch a show together and we can, I, I'm, I don't know how to
say it. It's very chaotic. I watch a television show with
somebody and I always get to, I always ge
t to zero in on like how they are
interpreting an episode. Right? So it's like, what highlighted, what was the highlight
for them? What did they walk away with? This could also be like a movie or it could be any
general date, but like, What is important to them? What do they, what do they find value in?
What didn't they like? And then I can, and then from that I can share with
them, like, what were, what were the things that were important to me and what did
I find? And I find normally lik
e having that, using that form of entertainment to
kind of like get those perspectives. Really educates me on like their values and
hopefully educates them about my values now. I get to, I think maybe because of my hyper focus
and because this is a technique that I use, it's very easy for me to kind of like
see for them and kind of like, you know, cater as a partner in that way. And I, and
I use that medium to as a, as a focus point. Let me, let me see. I'll say I
was watching Couples Ther
apy, it's a show on stars. I love that show. And
One thing that we'll do is we'll talk about like every, like each partner's point
of view and what we like about her. We don't. And with this one partner, we
were talking and this is one character. Her name is Molly. And we was like, for him, he's
a very, he's like an astrology guys. It was like, what, what is her sign? So he actually goes
online. He goes on Instagram. finds the, the person, finds their Instagram,
finds everything. It was li
ke, I, I'm not that deep. I'm not that deep. I
will never find that out, that information. But I understand that this person is like
very methodical, very intentional. If you want to get information, he will get it, you
know? And that's something that I taught me. And then I find out that this woman was
a tourist, which is my sign. So now I now know that this person is going to be
seeing me through this woman's lens. When I tell you what she did in that show was
crazy, what she did in that
show was crazy, but that's been something that we
get to laugh about, joke about, if we ever have something that we
just get, we, we, if we get into it, it's just like you're having a Molly moment
right now. I'm like, I'm not having my moment, but it establishes like I talked about before
that shared language, those shared experiences. So I feel like if you can continue
to have those dates are important, have dates have have situations if you're
on the journey with someone, you're going t
o be able to create those experiences where you
can, like, pull back from if you're not having that relationship. I don't think it's like
a formula, but but That's, I use television. I use dates to kind of like get that, get that
through, to get that understanding. And, and, and typically it works if, if it, if it
doesn't for whatever reason the situation doesn't work out, it's probably like normally
a personality issue where we don't see eye to eye or we just decide maybe it's not
the bes
t situation to go through, but. I try to, I try to get to know the person.
I try to make sure that the person knows me, but I always use those pieces as
an as an example, because they'll, they'll even see it and like, hey, that reminds me
a lot of Kristian or that experience and normally that character is like ADHD coded. So that
that's just been the helpful piece for me. All right, what about you, Mr. Greer been
married for 19 years? How did you make it work? Oh, we got to know. I got to k
now. Well, It's still a work in progress and
she's still with me. Hallelujah. And I'm a believer. So I strive to be present
and make the best of each moment. I know when we've had a conversation
recently, not recent recently, but learning to accept that we are
different people than 19 years ago. 19 years ago, I was not as straightforward.
And not straightforward in a bad way, but I was more passive. So if I didn't like something,
instead of just saying, I don't like that, I would go around
long about ways saying
that, but I don't do that now. Now I say, I don't like that. Or she says, what was
that? No, it was salty and I didn't like it. Don't make it like that again, preferably not
in a bad way. And you said date nights. Yeah, we strive to do, to go on dates or
make the best of it. And at 19 years, I'm grateful that it's not about the place.
It's about her. Like one day we said. Hey, let's go to Waffle House. There's a Waffle,
there's a Waffle House around the corner. And
we had taken the kids to work. Like,
hey babe, let's go to Waffle House. It's around the corner. They're going to be
open. I like waffles. You like waffles. I've got It's a Waffle House. And it
wasn't about the place. And that's one thing that has really helped. She and I. And
making the best of just whatever's going on. We watch shows together. You mentioned shows.
We, we love Abbott elementary. And last night we watched two episodes and I'm like, I need
to go to bed. Cause we watched. An
d we're like several weeks behind, or we'll just
yesterday, she likes to make memories with songs. So she played a song. So I grabbed
her and I danced with my wife in the kitchen. It was just she and I and making the best of it, or just being aware of what we've expressed, what
we've needed. In times past, when I would drive, she would touch my You know, right here.
And she didn't for a while. And I said, Greer. Okay. She didn't initiated. She
didn't initiate touch. What's stopping you? So
I reached over and grabbed her arm. I. If I
see something in the store that reminds me of her, I'll get it. I'll try to be mindful of what
she shares with me. And in times past, I, I was not a great listener because my
brain was going so fast and I would get fixated on being defensive
instead of being a listener. And one of the successful habits,
there's a book that says the seven habits of successful or highly effective
people. One is seek first to understand, then be understood. So in ti
mes past,
don't do this in times past, my wife, she would present when you do this, I feel
like this. So I would think, okay, so we're just going to open the barn door and address
everything that everybody has an issue with. And she's like, no, that's not what you do. So
here's my game changer. She doesn't like it, but I think she was, she appreciates
the benefit of me doing it. So when now, when she brings her concerns, I take notes for
one. I take notes because after the conversation, I
love you. But if I don't actively
engage in the conversation in the moment, I'll like I need to do better
with not interrupting you. I need to do better about following through with
whatever the case may be. But if I take notes, it's it's kind of like my fidget. And I
can refer back to, okay, so you mentioned, okay, I need to be more check. I need to
check and see how you're doing check. I need to remember that you said one of
our codes is, can I talk to my friend? I'm not coming to you as
my, I'm
not coming to you as my husband. I'm not coming to you as my past or a
colleague. I just need my friend. And that has changed our relationship to where like
for the past two weeks, I'm like, babe. I need my friend, they did this, they, I just, can I talk
to my friend and there's no judgment about what I say, or, hey, look, can I talk, look, your friend
needs a nap and I don't pull it all the time and I came in here in my man space and took a nap,
but just learning to be really vul
nerable with my wife and allowing her to express her needs,
like, granted, I could have done a whole lot yesterday that would have been, well, productive,
but she texts me, she's like, I need a nap. Okay. I need an ad. Okay. And like, she put it in
all caps and I was like, so I text back. I'm like, babe. Okay. Take a nap. She's like, no, I want
you to come up here and take a nap too. So just really seizing those moments. Just like,
I feel bad. No, babe. No. Or she was like, I need to go cle
an. Look, there's
always going to be something to clean. We got three kids at home, but just. Long story
short, because, you know, we're in Kentucky, well, I'm in Kentucky learning to seize
those moments with my wife and really cherish her and love her and make the best of
it, you know, just, and it also helps my wife works at the same school. So I will purposely be
mindful of those things that she says she likes. She likes for me to kiss her on the forehead.
So I'll purposely go by. Hey,
babe, or even coming home. I was like, I get to talk on the
podcast at 7 o'clock. Hey, you go do that. She was. And learning to encourage one another. My
wife was in school. So I was, you know, bought her the Mac book. And even though I spilled water
on it, you know, sometimes I don't know about us. Okay. You know, you during vivid dreams,
the way it seems like is real real. So I made the mistake of I went downstairs.
And I said, okay, she's up late. Late, late doesn't work for me. So I sai
d, okay,
I'm gonna at least be in the air. And I was sitting right beside her. And I leaned
back, and I put my feet on the table. Where her MacBook was right there, and her drink
was right beside it. And I'm over here. Well, in my head, in my dream, I'm playing
kickball with my coworkers and I, so my foot in my dream and I kick it in real
life and it topples over on her MacBook, but I was still supportive and I got
her another one. But I said that to say, just learning to support her with
the
same, if not more that I would want, not because I wanted in return, but
because I love her and that's helped. Cultivate our relationship to be more real. And
I actually feel bad for you, not bad. I think it's more challenging with younger people
on top of having ADHD and being a person of color and all the other things, because you
you're growing up. Where everything is external versus internal and the ability just to look
at somebody and just, Hey, what are you doing? Or how are you
holding up? Like, I literally had
a, like an hour conversation with a colleague. No 1 had a phone out. It's not where it is. You even
said it that. Okay. It's based upon a video. Well, even my children, they'll their commonality is
look at this. Tick tock. Look at this versus Hey. I was thinking about this on the inside
of me, and this is what I'm reflecting on. It's entertainment based, and it can be, I'm doing
it for the likes, or I'm doing it for the shares, or I'm doing it for the idea
of love, and
not love, because I, I'm not gonna lie, I like, I like shows too, and I was,
I wanted a Corey and Sean friendship, if you don't know who that is. Boy
Meets World. Oh! Boy Meets World. I was like, I want a best friend like
Sean in court. Or like on What is it? What is it? What is it? It's the
nursing show with Scrubs! Scrubs! Ah! I love Scrubs! Oh! That's my shit!
Guy love, I mean like, guy love. Eagle? That's all I wanted. I want to jump into someone's
arms and just scream Ea
gle. That's all I want. See, that's so in my head that's what I thought.
Like your, so I never knew how to maneuver. I never knew how to maneuver through that. And
then when you talked about code switching, I thought about, okay, so I'm striving
to be educated, and you talked about Shane at the beginning. Okay. Do you
have to code switch amongst your own? Well, if you're, if you are. Not that other people
aren't educated, but if you code switch, see, some people choose not to code switch. I
chose
to code switch. So, but in also code switching, I also had a lot of friends that didn't look
like me. They were more extra, extra, extra light skinned like you Shane. So then I would
get, okay, so why aren't you sitting with them? But then when I would go over, sit with them, I'm
like, well, I don't have. Everything in common, so then I would have to mask with. This
group and then mask with this group because I didn't know how to play dominoes. I
didn't know how to play spades. And
of course, I'm not going to use all the language
you're using and I don't like violence. I don't want to watch boys in the hood. Just the
thought of those types of movies make my heart beat. I can't watch you. No, I cannot. I cannot
watch Chicago. I, I watched one episode. I was in tears and then my heart was beating fast because
all the shooting. Yeah. No, I can't. So it can be a double whammy if you will, or triple whammy
when you're not in this pre determined box as a black man with ADHD
and all the things that you're
trying to unpack one brick at a time to be you. I think that's. The great thing at 43,
where I am, I've learned to embrace me. It's encouraging. It's empowering. It's,
I'm not going to say scary. It's more, it's unknown. It's unfamiliar. It's
uncomfortable to be like, Hey, Greer, you good? Like, yeah, so sorry. That was
a long version of, but you wouldn't have ADHD if you didn't take the mulberry bush
to get to what you were talking about. Yeah, all right, s
o we're gonna wrap it up and
everything with the final, you know, thoughts as far as this is concerned. For those that are out
there who are African American or people of color, what do you say to them to encourage them
to be more authentic and to work ADHD? I'll start with Kristian on that 1. The quote is, it's, it's not our darkness that
scares us the most. It's our, it's our light. And when we shut, and then it continues to go on. But
when we allow our light to shine, we give others perm
ission to do the same. And if we're able to,
if we're able to let ourselves be that light, if we're able to embrace ourselves and love our
true selves, we're giving other men that same permission to, you know, love up on themselves
and love, love others and be an inspiration. I came into this, I even came into this
conversation a little bit dejected, but it was Jonathan who reminded me, wait, I
came into this as an educator because I, I, I, I was like, damn, did this happens again?
Damn, d
id this shit happens again? I'm not, I'm not, not, I'm not letting it happen, you
know? And that's been my work up until now. If we're not loving ourselves. If we're not loving
ourselves, we're not letting our light shine. And if we're not letting our light shine, ain't nobody
else going to do it. So love, love yourself. Love upon yourself. Allow yourself. If you're
going to have to code switch with other people, if you're going to have to mask with other people,
just make sure you ain't do
ing it with yourself. RuPaul says if you, if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love
somebody else? And I live by that. There you go. What about you, Mr. Greer? I literally had a conversation last night
with my nephew and he was sharing with us that he wanted to possibly change schools and I
was sharing with him about and my wife as well. She shared with him the benefits of getting
diagnosed. Excuse me with ADHD. If you have the symptoms, like he was rocking back and
for
th, he was fidgeting and just being able to have been a forerunner, if you will, in
the family of getting diagnosed as a black man and allowing him to know that it's not
detrimental to you to know you have ADHD, it's actually empowering to know,
then you can know what to look for. So I asked him, okay, so what about time
blindness? It was like, no, no. And I explained, okay, so what about anything that
you hyper focus on and in his head, he was thinking, oh, it has to be something
and then
he said, like games. I was like, yeah, and he said, oh, yeah, because
sometimes it's 4 o'clock in the morning. It just, I said, and it felt like 5
minutes didn't he said. Yeah, I said, so that's hyper focus and just being able
to allow him to know that it's not a bad thing to know. Now, once you find out,
you know, your why that you need to do this and how you need to go about it and not
feel so overwhelmed. So, if anything, yeah. I'm glad to have gone through the
process so that I can he
lp him know that. Okay. You will go through a moment
where you kind of might be in denial and you have to accept. Okay. The things
I did before. This is why I did them. It wasn't that I was a bad student. It
was just, I didn't have the right tools. For the job. That's how that's one thing I'm
learning. You can be the greatest handyman in the world, but if you don't have the right tools,
you cannot build the bookshelf. You cannot put the card together, but with the right tools.
You can do i
t. So my tools of therapy, I told him about therapy and medication, and just the
different things that I've learned as a person. With ADHD that happens to be a person of
color and all the complexities of mental health not being talked about. So if anything,
I feel like the Lorax for minorities and the Lorax of minorities with ADHD to the point
to where I'll speak for us with ADHD. Like, Hey, you might want to get tested.
Hey, did you take your medicine? I share it. I talk about it. I talk a
bout it
at church. I talk about it at school. There's no surprise. I stood up in the meeting
today. I didn't feel bad. There's like everybody sit down. I'm not going to
sit down. If I sit down, then I might, I might go to sleep. May not. I may not
get distracted, but just really learning to advocate for myself as well as others so
that it's not so taboo, especially amongst us as people of color to talk about mental
health and then not only talk about it. Here's the other challenge. Okay. T
alk
about it and do something about it because in our community, we may say that
somebody, my mama says, well, you know, they have issues. What is the issue getting to
the root of naming whatever that challenge or issue is, and then providing resources if
needed or telling them, Hey, check, check, check over here, check over there, try to
get those resources implemented in your life. And I just say that you have an issue,
but what is it? Call it by name and then. Identify those strategies
that will
help you be the best you, you can be really appreciate y'all coming on and
talking about this stuff and being so open and just being honest
about these things. You know, we've just really encouraged
everybody out there who's listening. If you know somebody who is going through ADHD
and they're untreated, unmedicated or unsupported, please consider really reaching out to them
and helping them understand the importance of mental health. Encourage them to come check
out the men's A
DHD support group. Check out Jonathan's podcast, check out Kristian
as he kind of moves forward in this. with the men's ADHD podcast and on his
own work that he's doing. And we really encourage all of you to really start
taking your mental health seriously, and really start to take ADHD seriously because
this is how our brains are. This is, this is how we're born. And a lot of us need to really
take it. You know, not just ourselves seriously, but realizing that it is a genetic issue as
wel
l, and that your children, and your parents, and cousins, and nephews, and uncles, may all
have to deal with something similar to this. So, be open and be loud about what you deal
with. Be the Lorax of the people around you, and speak for them if they need to be heard,
and listen whenever they're talking to you. I really appreciate both of y'all coming on.
Thank you so much. And this is Shane Thrapp with the Men's ADHD Support Group, joined by
Kristian Modin, organization director, and Mr.
Jonathan Greer. I really appreciate
all the work that y'all do with us, and thank y'all again. Thank you. It's been awesome. Thank you.
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