ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Want to Know Causes and Solutions?

well hello good morning moms and dads if you're raising a child with a behavior disorder like adhd and oppositional defiant disorder or any other disorder we're going to talk about symptoms and solutions today that's right solutions positive proactive solutions that actually are based on principles that really work to help your children develop and to help you have more peace harmony and happiness in the home we're bonnie and thomas theoda yes and we wrote a book called raising healthy happy coo

perative kids this is the live book study we go uh at 8 a.m mountain standard time every saturday so if you need to grab the content or you would like to join us here live i'm just going to put a banner you can go to learntospeakkid.com get yourself the resources begin to read enlighten yourself and fill your mind and heart with hope that uh there is a better way there is a way to create harmony in your home doesn't matter what the child behavior disorder is right now now we're talking adhd the

21st century pandemic i could say child behavior disorder pandemic because pandemic literally means prevailing throughout an entire country continent or the entire world and we talk to parents from all over the world and these behavior disorders exist in ireland australia switzerland india everywhere uh these are happening so there's a reason why and we're gonna talk about that today so you wanna say thank you so much for joining us and welcome to the creating champions for life way of parenting

all right so i want to say this we've been overloaded with information about adhd about child behavior disorders for the last few decades but every single decade the number of children that are being diagnosed and medicated are rising to a ridiculous scale and we're going to talk about symptoms so tom can we just we're going to talk about symptoms and then we're going to come back and we're going to offer solutions and i have a few stories that i want to share in between so share a solution or

sorry symptoms of adhd first of all for those that may not know what it is absolutely and they kind of go as follows right the adhd there we go all right so for adhd right these are the symptoms that children are grouped into three categories category number one is inattention a child with adhd is easily distracted doesn't follow directions or finished tasks doesn't appear to be listening what [Laughter] doesn't pay attention and makes careless mistakes forgets about daily activities has problem

s organizing daily tasks doesn't like to do things that require sitting still often loses things tends to daydream category number two hyperactivity a child with adhd often squirms fidgets or bounces when sitting doesn't stay seated has troubles playing quietly it's constantly moving such as running or climbing on things in teens and adults this is more commonly described as restlessness talks excessively is always on the go as if driven by a motor the third category is impulsivity what adhd has

trouble waiting for their turn blurts out answers and interrupts other people what oh my gosh i interrupt all the time all right and you know what let's talk about oppositional defiant disorder asperger's syndrome and autism really quickly as well this is on page 28 chapter 4 of raising healthy happy cooperative kids all right oppositional defiant disorder if your child or teenager has a frequent or persistent pattern of anger irritability arguing defiance or vindictiveness towards you and othe

r authority figures they may have oppositional defiant disorder asperger's syndrome a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interactions and nonverbal communication along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and or interests autism difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts okay now i know you didn't take notes on all that tom went through them really quickly and that's th

e purpose because you can find them all in the book but i want to say this that the american is called american psychology association came out with the first edition of the mental health disorders back in 1952 not one disorder was mentioned about child behavior disorders there was no adhd no opposition none of this was mentioned in the first edition in 1968 the apa came out with the second edition with the help of dr leon eisenberg who put in i think it was called kinetic disorder which later c

hanged the name change to add the late the name changed again to adhd just recently and so these are all the same thing they're described the same way and so when tom was reading the symptoms that is directly off the internet like that is what the doctors how the doctors describe what these child behavior disorders are after doing an intense amount of research we have found that dr leon eisenberg in 2009 said at the age of 87 on his deathbed that in the early 60s so many parents were bringing th

eir children to the doctor's office saying hey can you please fix my kids something's wrong with my kid they're not listening to me that they had to make something up yep i said it you can find it you can do your research now when you do um there's something that you can search like a fact checker fact check or whatever did you know that the fact check are owned by the pharmaceutical companies um what's interesting to me is that 10 years after dr leon eisenberg said that this is the perfect exam

ple or a prime example of a fictitious disease he was talking about adhd 10 years later more than a million toddlers ages 2 to 4 are being medicated for behavior disorders children that will not listen to their parents parents begin to think something's wrong with them and because we're so inundated with tv and movies and magazines and because almost every single parent that puts their child in elementary school gets called to the office at some point we're having a problem with your child's beh

avior now if you know this information you can champion for your child if you don't know this information and all you do is think that your child should just listen to you because they were born and you're their parents and that's just the way it should be and if they don't there's something wrong with them then you cannot champion for your child you're kind of left out there i want to use the word ignorant and i just mean uneducated like you don't know that you don't know innocent right you're

just innocent parents are innocent i was in the same boat back in 2011. all four of my children were being diagnosed with these different behavior disorders not all the same three out of my four children were diagnosed though with adhd and my youngest also with oppositional defiant disorder now if i had taken my oldest daughter to the doctor and complained about her defiance she probably would have been diagnosed too it just didn't happen until later on all right so look up dr leon eisenberg and

i want to say this if your child has speech problems did you know that einstein didn't speak till he was four years old did you know that thomas edison was removed from school in grade three because the teacher said he couldn't learn did you know that uh richard branson the owner of virgin airlines was diagnosed with dyslexia quit high school at the age of 15 because he thought it was a waste of time started his own business and has now become one of the most successful people on the planet did

you know that steve jobs was uh oppositional defiant disorder um the term oppositional defiant disorder didn't exist when he was in school but he was constantly in trouble the teachers wanted him to have special aid his parents took them took steve jobs out of school homeschooled him and we know that he developed apple computers all right so these are things that we need to equip ourselves with this knowledge so that we can know now we're going to go back over the symptoms of adhd and tom is go

ing to talk about positive solutions and what it actually really means because i'm going to tell you right now there's nothing wrong with your child now we're not saying that these things don't exist we we see it we work with parents all over the world and i live with it and it is not easy to live with a child who has a behavior disorder but there's a reason why they have a behavior disorder and there are solutions because we have clients that have joined us right here we have clients um all ove

r the world that are working with us that are seeing the exact same amazing results with their children when they begin to become aware and change some things at home so go ahead tom sure absolutely first and foremost let's all be on the same page that these labels do exist they're a medical diagnosis of how would you describe what's really going on so yes these are real we're not saying that they're not real they are so with all that being said it kind of minds us to step into our game of oppos

ites if there's a can't there's a can if there's a i don't know there is i do know and that's really what we're here to share is both sides of the coin and it's always up to you and will always be up to you to at least know that there is two sides of the coin and which one is right for you fair enough fair enough okay now the perspective that i'm hearing is that we are and this is a key word if you picked it up what bonnie said symptoms very important is the symptom well let's think about the sy

mptom there is something before or after well it seems like a symptom would be almost like the effect in a universal law called cause and effect the symptom is not the cause there's something that caused the symptom so a lot of times we might go to the store and we're looking for something is i have a runny nose i'm looking that's a symptom because there's something happening in the body and the body's reacting to whatever that cause is and the symptom is that so i might be looking for symptom r

elief this is a very popular product that you will find in any kind of store around and i'll tell you what if i could get rid of the symptom then i know my body's working and everything's going into place happy happy happy there might be a symptom relief the other one is what if there was a way to hmm let's find out what the cause was and that's what we're going to be focusing on here today is we know there's a a symptom that's the label but what would have actually caused it because if we knew

that there was something that caused it what if we could actually gosh maybe go right instead of left so let's give ourselves the adhd now many of you that are note takers out there grab that pen and paper and go right to pen to paper because we always know that if it's in our head we'll lose it fast but if you write it down it's sure to last so let's look this out a d h d looks like there's four components and as we look at the word attention deficit hyperactivity disorder now let's just look a

t what that would be i'm going to take a i want to bring our focus to the second word which is called deficit and what does deficit really mean well you might be able to look it up and it kind of like a deficit would be a in mathematics we'd call that maybe like a minus or something like a subtraction but deficit is really a negative version of the opposite called surplus meaning you have more than you need or you have less than you need so right next to your attention deficit hyperactivity diso

rder put something up above it with four lines and then put the word deficit which is below put surplus in the equation above it so it's blank surplus and below is blank deficit yours should be attention so let's put a tension on both sides attention surplus and attention deficit all right now we're going to add something to it the we have hyperactivity disorder [Music] now right above it we have hyperactivity right attention surplus plus hyperactivity but instead of disorder which is the equati

on that's in the label what if we were to do the opposite of this order and that could be as simple as dissing the disks so let's look at what this really really means this is comes from like a latin term literally meaning a part or opposite of so the root word is order and the disorder is something is a part or the opposite of so let's look at the actual order well that's when you arrange things kind of like our alphabet remember remember how we put the letters all together and remember how it

went a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y and z now i know my abcs can you sing them backwards to me question mark and if you had them in order it would be a piece of cake because it would sound something like this z y x and w v u t s and r q p o n m n l k j i h g f e d and c b a see when you have order you can go forwards and backwards in any way that you choose but when you have a disorder things are apart and the first visual that comes in my mind when i think of disorder is a be

autiful picture take your favorite family album picture and cut it up into a thousand pieces and put it in a box and sell it on the market called a for the thinkers that want to know it that's right you guessed it a puzzle that just means the pieces need to be put back together so if you look at the two if you've got attention deficit hyperactivity disorder label then you also can have a tension surplus hyperactivity order and that's what we're looking at right here because the symptoms are the

reactive part and the cause is the equation above because at the end of the day when you have attention all of us require attention and answer that question nora yes absolutely we all know that every animal that's born that doesn't get attention will die plain and simple there's no secrets to this so if we are running our kids with an attention deficit my goodness maybe the attention deficit really could be something as simple as this as a solution maybe we are they're not getting the attention

that says hey what about me over here when do i get a turn to do something because we all start off with doing everything for our kids nowhere yes and if your heart says yes i sure do from zero to two what do they do other than cry we do everything for them but maybe right after that age of two they're starting to have an attention deficit of my turn and that could be a that might be an aha moment right there of going well gosh if i keep doing for them huh maybe that's where the attention defici

t is really starting to be become that root cause what if and we shifted that attention to oh i see you want to be just like me and let's shift that energy to let's see what we can do to help you do that then we get over to the hyperactivity well the disorder is we're telling them can't don't or won't and that causes all kinds of disorder yeah but what if we were to take that hyperactivity and guide it you see when i was a kid i remember there was these fireworks called bottle rockets and when w

e actually took the stick off of the bottle rocket and you lit it it went all over the place it was hyperactive it just went somewhere but if it had a stick on it you could put it in the bottle and it would always go in the direction that it was pointed so what if that hyperactivity from our kids was a disorder going all over the place but what if we actually had a focus you know kind of like what we look at how all of us in our animal kingdom actually do and what i mean by this is let's look at

what our relationship really is maybe the disorder is we don't know what direction to do to prepare them to leave the nest and what if we put it back into an order of three simple steps as we get ready to wrap up this little segment one we validate that they are a winning lotto ticket and showed up here in physical form and look at the thumbprint there's your identification stamp and you're a unique individual and look at the odds of what you had to do to get here wow congratulations on making

it here welcome to earth and you picked me as your trusted advisors to show you how the world works and we did everything for them from that zero to two which we all understand is true but then in a moment we shifted gears and we took that control of punishing them when they did something we didn't like and told them can't don't won't and we shifted that control to guiding where it's like you've got goals just like me and you want to be like me and let me show you how you can do what you want to

do where you could do what you want to do and most importantly we all know this timing because a cookie before dinner is not the best timing are you with me on this absolutely maybe as a dessert it's all about how when or where we're creating the dis out of the disorder and bringing things into order so shifting the control from punishment to guiding and then that way the last phase would be what if all they required were the missing life skills to be successful and be prepared to leave out of

the nest to do everything all on their own we do for we do with so they can do everything by themselves and then you're their trusted advisor for life back to you bonnie wow thanks tom we might have to watch that a couple times to uh figure out some of the puzzles that you shared in there but that's awesome so thomas was diagnosed with dyslexia that's why he can do the alphabet forwards and backwards so it really is a superpower every single thing that our children experience the disorders this

is not a disorder it is not something wrong with our kids there's not anything that needs to be fixed but like tom said there are life skills that need to be taught so i want to talk about the 1960s it was 1968 that eisenberg said oh so many parents are bringing their kids to the doctor asking what's wrong with my kids that we made something up um in 1946 dr spock wrote a book called baby and child care and if you're working with us you've heard this before but you know repetition is a second la

w of learning so he was the one that taught parents we should not spank no more corporal punishment but that we should lavish them with attention respond to their every whim be do and have everything for them and when they do something you don't like we come in and we take something away we put them on a timeout we ground them if you're with me say yes share a comment if this is something that you've learned to do with your children uh when i first moved into this place i could hear a neighbor t

alking to her kid and they were i don't know what they were doing cleaning something they were working and the child's like what's my job your job is to sit over there and watch tv stay out of the way and let us do what we're going to do can you see that that way of thinking could cause a deficit of attention to the child when all the child wants to do is be respected like every single one of us don't we don't we want to feel important don't we want to feel heard don't we want to feel respected

children are not some sort of different species that we need to figure out how to communicate with them they're little human beings they have a desire for purpose and respect and all of these great things that you have a desire for not only this they have a desire to play video games play with their friends watch tv eat a cookie right now before dinner these are things that our children want and every single time we go no because i said so we are giving them a deficit of attention how much does

this make sense all right now in the book that we wrote that you can go to learnspeakkid.com and get the book but in the book raising healthy happy cooperative kids we talk about things that changed in um in the 60s but i want you to i want to add this what else happened in the 60s besides child behavior disorders what happened in the 60s what were the teenagers doing what do we know about the 60s sex drugs and rock and roll right like we know that the teenagers when we're gonna listen to our ro

ck and roll and we don't care what you say we're gonna we're gonna protest on the streets do you remember that do you remember john lennon singing power to the people there was so many things that were happening but also what also happened in the 1960s was ted bunny jeffrey dahmer the first cases of what do you call that serial killers okay the first cases of serial killers happened in the 1960s do you not see a core relation between kiss cuddle respond to your kids every need and these differen

t massive amounts of disorders and all these people were saying was look at me look what i can do i want some attention i want to be famous really they were screaming out through their trumpets going the way that you're parenting me is off the mark we need to go back and look at what they did back a hundred years ago when they had children to have more help on the farm we talked about this last week or maybe even the week before because this is this is truth if we go back to 1902 there was no ki

ssing and cuddling and responding to their every whim this is the first generation in the history of mankind where making our kids feel loved and and giving them so much attention and moms are running around pulling their hair out this is the first generation that that's ever happened in the history of our world i don't know if you've ever watched the movie called the spartans has anyone ever watched the spartans at the age of five or six the kids get shipped off and they get seven age seven oka

y so at the age seven the spartans shipped their kids off to go get trained and if you didn't meet the mark you were kind of like take it out do do and now we're kissing and coddling to our kids everywhere we're wrapping them in bubble wrap we don't let them walk to school i i drive over to my dad's house every morning he's he's suffering from an illness so i go over every morning to help him and i get to the school and the school's so congested because every single kid gets dropped off by their

mom and dad and then walk by hand across the street guys your children can learn they can learn to use a knife to cut up things in the kitchen they can help you in the kitchen they can learn how to walk across the street they can learn to look both ways they can learn to focus if you've got a six seven eight nine year old that has attention deficit disorder and they don't know how to focus then we need to work on the life skill called focus if your child is acting out in impulsive behavior what

life skill do they need to work on and see here's the thinking that we want to start to change and the the beliefs that we want to start to challenge what if you think something's wrong with your child uh you know and they have a speech impediment um you know they're running all over the place they don't listen to me then we need to make a list of all of the things that that you don't like and we need to change it from a behavioral lens like we need to stop looking at our kids like they're acti

ng out they're driving me crazy whatever and we need to consciously and proactively begin to make a list of life skills that is whose job to teach them do you think that it's the teacher's job to teach your child how to focus self-control responsibility respect self-discipline so whose job is it to teach your children these things if you're putting up your hand then you're on the right because there's nobody on this planet nobody your pediatrician i'm going to cry i cried last week i'm feeling v

ery emotional i feel very emotional these days but like but you know if you look at your kid and you think something's wrong with them the teacher's not going to fix it the teacher just says hey you know what your kid needs to learn how to sit in a desk um i saw something on twitter the other day what happens when the kids get in the car is there some sort of electric battery that makes them freak out and scream and cry no you haven't actually practiced with them what your expectations are for t

hem when they're in the car and there is no goal that your child's working towards you just expect them to sit down and shut up because you're the mom and you told them to and how many people as i say it this way how many of you watching go oh my gosh that is so true if you want to bring your child to a restaurant wouldn't it make sense if you're if your kid's born with no habits no life skills and you want to take your two or three year old to a restaurant wouldn't it make sense to have restaur

ant playtime training at home before you take them to a public place right and so these are the things that we're saying and we want you to be aware that your child just doesn't know they're they're born like you know a blank canvas you know like an artist if you if you're an artist and and you go oh you know my child is born with a blank canvas they're blank like this they don't know how to focus they don't know what manners are they don't know how to sit still in a car they don't know how to b

e quiet they don't know how to sit in a classroom for four or five hours at a time they don't know how to share with other kids these are all things that we must teach them you see the animal king even even whales whales are born with no life skills did you know that a mama whale will wait for her baby to cry her baby cries and says i'm hungry and the mama whale do you think the mama whale goes oh i need to kiss cuddle and respond to your every whim come on honey let me feed you you're hungry an

d then goes down and hunts for food mama whale waits for her baby to cry and then she says if you want to eat follow me and the mama whale goes down and goes down as deep and deep and deep and now the baby whale can't hold air as long as the mama will so she goes down to hunt first she brings the baby with her as far as it can go she waits she keeps going the baby goes up to the top keeps crying because it's hungry waits for mom then mom comes up to feed him and they do that for i think a year o

r two until the baby whale knows how to hunt because you know what if we don't teach our baby whales how to hunt they'll die and if we don't teach our children how to focus they're going to die in this world they're going to grow up believing something is terribly wrong with them and then it gives host to a whole bunch of other problems i'm not sure what the percentage of children with adhd get then later diagnosed with odd but they all kind of go hand in hand if you have an autistic child that

has difficulty in social situations maybe that's true there's no test to say there's no physical chemical test to say hey your child has this or doesn't have this we go okay my child suffers or you know struggles with social interactions so what do we need to do we need to take the time to teach them how to interact in social situations and and so on and so on and so on so whatever it is that you're dealing with whatever behavior or mood disorder your child has it's time to make a list of what t

hose are things that you don't like and then we just go what is the opposite of that what do they need to learn what is what do they need to learn and then we can't expect them to learn everything in one day like we can't expect a 10 year old who's been oppositional defiant and and not focused and no self-control no respect to go oh now i get it and let me teach you one time and they change in one day no it might take six months a year two years whatever we have 18 years to prepare our children

for life an oak tree takes 50 years to mature to begin to duplicate a squash we can plant a squash in june and harvest it by august right we got to start training our children treating our children as if they were more like an oak tree it might take 20 years like i still have my 22 and my 20 year old daughter phoning me because now they're phoning me about relationship advice you know and thank god i have a relationship with them that they actually do phone me for advice because i can direct the

m in the right way but it's never going to end even at 18 so if it takes 5 10 fifteen years to correct things well it takes five ten fifteen years to correct things so before we open it up do you have anything to add to that yeah i think that the one point that she made with the with the mama whale and the baby whale right because i mean we're talking a big depth we're talking like 800 meters that the mom has to go all the way down to feed then the baby only can go maybe 100 the first time and t

hen mom comes up feeds next time baby starts to progress maybe down to 200 and then over some time 400 600 and all the way down so when the baby can actually get down to the 800 with repetition this is where bonnie was saying it could take weeks or months to teach these missing life skills right because none of us could walk ride a bike or drive a car just because we watch the video and want it now stomp stomp stomp but that's the part that could be possibly missing not saying that it is because

you have a unique scenario but what if it was and that was the only thing that was missing then come link arms with us because that's what we focus on we focus on the can do side of the equation versus the can't do yeah because at the end of the day is is either can't or won't right and this is very true and i do have uh there was um who was this here uh it looks like uh keisha tasha kasha yes a daycare yes i was i can totally relate i was it was unprecedent i was the very first martial art day

care center in washington state and yes i've seen everything underneath the sun and i've got a wonderful story to tell you about brandon that would really hit home for you when we get a time so i don't know if now is a good time i will do it very soon maybe later today yeah we want to open this up we want to interact with you so if you're watching us on youtube or on our on our channel make sure to um connect with us on our facebook group it's in the description box you can just click connect wi

th us on our facebook group and then you can come and join us live on these sessions you can challenge what we're saying like we we are open to be challenged if you don't believe what we're saying uh whatever so chris and craig christine do you have anything that you would like to share hey good morning oh you can't see me too good thank you yes it is hi um yeah that whole story about i didn't know that about wheels and how they taught their babies how to um hunt and fish that's so powerful um y

eah just thinking about how we do with them to teach them monkey see monkey do we do with them slowly being patient and believing in them and little by little with repetition and being patient and staying persistent it will begin to you will slowly begin to see all of a sudden one day you'll realize wow look at how far we've already come and look at how much they've already made so much progress and us making progress along the way with them that's what are you what are you personally seeing in

your home with your kids right now so personally um with our daughters 12 and 13 they were at the stage before we started the program getting defiant oppositional refusing to go to school and you know staying in their room a lot being kind of depressed and angry a lot and um what we've seen is they are engaging so much more with us they're a lot happier now with um setting goals and have something to work towards and having more of a purpose and doing things to you know learning the life skills

and skills that um you know we've noticed that they're still missing and we're working on um yeah there's been a lot more um peace and connection with them and also um teaching them you know slowly like we've just realized um just like wow uh they're not they're lessening their cry to get what they want um you know as whereas before they would expect things and get you know demanding and i want this right now and i don't want to do that and so now they're um learning through what we've been doin

g um hey i really want you know to go here do this and they come up with a plan like how about if i do this and this and this and they come up with their plans so they're learning um how to make things happen and without crying about it and thinking that we're gonna just give in if they just cry enough and we'll just give it to them or get it to them so yeah they even just asking questions and validating it just we seen a real improvement just by doing those two things i tell tom that all the ti

me like you know what parents out there around the world might not get all 12 principles but if we could just learn to validate oh you want a cookie i like cookies too what is your favorite kind of cookie versus just going no dinner's in five minutes and no because i said so it it's waking them up and it's allowing them to think and it's making them feel important all the things that we talked about today yes yeah absolutely yeah not saying yes or no and um asking questions and just those little

changes that we've made that we focused on um you know we we took things slow step by step at a time and it's it's going great you know not trying to do too much too soon um just those little things that you change every day adds up a lot yeah and you can see the uh the discs being removed from any type of disorder yes oh absolutely yeah is your relationship better since learning this yeah uh so much better so much better even last night um you know we were teaching addison she was interested i

n playing cards with us we taught her how to play rummy and we had a great time um we had a fire and we were standing by the fire olivia was watching us she wasn't um playing with us but she was still in the room with us and um so yeah awesome happy moments yeah like and one of the biggest things when we when we talk to you know new parents what do you really want and you know more than i want my kids to listen to me and i want this they want to be able to enjoy the time that they spend with the

ir kids and yeah yeah and it's happening for you yep that was one of the biggest things for us was being able to enjoy spending time as a family and together and um working together along with um you know teach them the missing life skills and um all the other things that we've been you know having to go back and and help them with that because um yeah awesome um i've been following you both for years it's time to get your help yes sandra uh sandra if you put uh are you on facebook no you're on

youtube so i'll respond to your comment on youtube after you can send us an email and we'll have a chat on how we can help you best so did you have anything else you'd like to share you guys no no that's good thank you so much thank you thank you thank you for being a seed of awesomeness on this planet because what's gonna happen in 10 15 20 years from now is the creating champions for life moms are going to be these little seedlings of hope all over the world that will grow and become a great o

ak tree so i can see in 20 25 years from now schools will know how to validate their students versus yell at them and uh day care centers prisons like er like i get asked all the time will this help with my spouse absolutely if tom would just validate what i speak versus try to fix it all the time you all know what i'm talking about oh yeah i mean yeah so we need to absolutely it helps in every area of your life every area it is so true that if we could relate this to something that's so univers

al that we cannot see like gravity it affects everybody across the board with no exceptions and the and and when you when you stumble across this maybe for the first time in a long time we call those little sparks of hope do you remember your first sparks of hope when we first started you're like what was that that's the beginning of the healing right and it's so amazing and it works literally with everyone when you're willing to actually be open and just flip the coin to do the opposite side ab

solutely yeah thank you guys so much for being here thank you for sharing brittany did you want to share something before we end today hi brittany brittany's been following us as i said last week since we were putting our own program together with duct tape and uh and our the title of our book was 12 words long so 2015 or something like that but the content has always remained the same she's a special needs teacher now you've moved on to become a substitute teacher and you're making a difference

for kids you want to share oh you might be muted hon yeah there all right now can you all hear me cool okay so i actually wanted to pinpoint you know the opposite of um adhd with the i think you all had mentioned attention surplus activity order which i think is really really cool so i make and i think i've heard you all talk about that before but i wanted to make sure i had it written down this time um but you know when i went to sub for um a fifth grade class last tuesday you know the the cla

ss they were great um and there was a child that was sitting in you know the back of the classroom um and i guess the teacher whenever they get the kids attention they do what's called call backs so one of the kids taught me that their teacher says spaghetti well she says spaghetti and then they say meatballs so i thought that was interesting so i did that i would say spaghetti and then they would say meatballs and you know that let them know that i need their attention and so when i went um and

then some of them i found would still talk even after i did that so what i said was what should we be doing right now and they'll say um getting my you know work and then you know at the back of the classroom i heard one kid say oh we should be talking right now so that right there told me that okay well he's used to getting negative attention that's the way that's the only way that he knows how to get attention so i totally just you know kind of played it off because if i were to go back there

and just say okay i'm the substitute you don't talk like that while i'm here then number one you know that would have given him the attention hit um you know the attention that he was used to which is negative attention and that wouldn't have helped so i just kind of played it off and i focused on the other students that were doing you know what needed to be done so it was awesome they did great i'm so happy for you because how many of us when we had substitute teachers when we were a kid like

ate them alive like we'd be throwing things we'd be like oh there's a substitute teacher running around all the deaths and everything like i don't know about you but like if you if you were able to maintain peace in your classroom then you got this you uh you handled it like a champ oh yeah they um well and i had and there was a couple of them that um asked well can you come back tomorrow and i said okay well why do you want me to come back tomorrow and they said well uh because you're nice and

i'm saying well i'm sure your uh teacher will would like to see you tomorrow and he's like yeah i know but and i'm like well i'll see you behavior versus punishment proactive attention versus attention deficit this is just going to change everything for the parents that have watched today um gosh i could talk all day but i think we're done i think we're gonna wrap up here right away if if i may have permission thank you so much brittany yeah that was a wonderful story i love you yep all right yo

u know my my heart here for for kasia i understand where you're at and i'd like to just share this story because it rang so true this little boy he was around 10 or 11 and this is about 20 some plus years ago when we had our after-school martial art daycare center and we were going on a field trip just to go to the library to do two simple fun things play a little hike and go seek to go find a book or go find something that catches your eye and then as you start to play with the book and explore

show and tell time was going to be next of what did you see what did you learn what do you know what what was important to you and as we started to drive going there brandon started to increase what was everybody thought was poor behavior or misbehavior and it escalated as we got closer and closer to the library and everybody was hey don't do that don't do this right and that's what he's been experiencing his whole life he's in fifth grade and this is what he was known as a problem child so whe

n we got there i'm thinking well no no that that's that's the effect there's got to be a cause there's something missing there's a life skill missing i know this intuitively right so we know to look for it so a long story short is brandon when we got him tested he had a you probably might have guessed if you're putting two and two together he had a first grade reading level and since first grade to fifth grade he's been bluffing it acting out to hide the fact that he would be teased on not knowi

ng how to read how many of us can maybe relate a little bit in our own hearts and so a long story short is it's not like bonnie said it's not a behavior lens to react to what we don't like we go back to the educational lens and go there's just a missing life skill what if let's play that game what if and we found it and so we came up with a plan of action where dad and the son could start reading together to start the healing process to catch him up because when he started to learn how to read g

uess who was excited to go to the library after about a year of healing yeah right and when you see these again and again and again you just know what you know and you won't accept labels as something wrong with them ever again you'll flip to the other side and we've been able to find missing life skills with every kid so far yep so hopefully that helps and i can resonate my heart goes out to you because boy what a challenge you have and i think you're probably doing an outstanding job thanks fo

r sharing today kasia yes i just want to say every child is born absolutely perfect with a clear blank slate open to learn whatever you're willing to teach them and that's the whole keys we got to start teaching them versus punishing them thank you so much for being a part of our group for watching today please share it out with your friends invite them to the group the group is a private group but the only way people will know about it is if you invite them in and share it so uh thank you have

a great day and until we meet again we meet again here's your parents parenting success cheers bye for now