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Alien vs Redditor: Veterans Affairs Horror Stories

Come listen to me share horror stories about my experiences at Veterans Affairs and MEPS. We also get some nice views of the ICONIC Sigourney Weaver and her arch nemesis, sexy-hammed-up Alien boss lady.

The Caono Collective

9 months ago

can we see the game could we see the game no no no all right I'm gonna lose it okay all  right we're here what are we doing I hate elevators like this don't you ever feel  stupid when you get into one of those elevators and somebody else walks in and you're like facing  this way but then the elevator opens that way and you're like oh I usually stand like this  is how I stand I stand like this so I'm real cool like right I don't know which one's  gonna open so I stand like right here and but then
it's awkward because then you're facing  the people in the elevator if you do this you know you're like looking like like their ears  depending which way they're facing the elevator etiquette you know it's it's a thing it's  definitely a thing the VA elevators are some of the creepiest elevators I've ever taken have you  ever been like on a they have like these fright elevators and you're like in there and it's like  they're like shaking and [ __ ] and it's like you can see the like marks like
on the floor and of  the wall of something like I I'd like to think that it's like wheel marks you know and not like  like scary like dragging marks for some reason scary game like going to the veterans affairs  trying to get um a an optometry appointment and then they schedule it for six months out  and then they cancel it a week before and then they won't reschedule you for like eight months  out and then like you can't see anything or do any work because your vision's so blurry because  you h
aven't had your like eyeglass prescription updated in years no just me just me oh look it's  this girl is this girl again this one right right I should do it her way she's my favorite and it's like a whole thing when  you like have to plan the VA into your day because it's like a whole like mental process emotional  process that you have to like wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait okay um it's like a whole  process you have to like get mentally prepared emotionally prepared and then like whe
n they  call you the morning of and they're like sorry we're canceling she was trying to hack the ill the I can't even pronounce Cavill  cavalcade caval sod Kavala kedi that's a good word the VA is like going to um like  uh it's like you begin and you end your career of the military like in the same place like in the  same like weird mindset it's like you you are um you start off at MEPS right they look at  every part of your body every part of your body um I don't know if I was prepared for tha
t  no even like um I don't know if like the the recruiter told me that oh smoke bombs hey you like  they didn't prepare me for that every right every single part there is no there are no secrets  between you and your your MEPS position I will tell you that they looked at parts of my body  that I haven't even seen yeah I was like what are you doing in there I'm so confused I don't  know where I'm supposed to go I I lost track I was in the trauma of MEPS oh you want to know  what I didn't know abo
ut MEPS you want to know that what I didn't know what I wasn't told at all  that I would have to take the ASVAB as that ass I wasn't told oh in Glendora this table  here it's me at Maps I was like please sir don't look in that spot and it was a man  it wasn't even a woman looking at my holes crusty ass old dude um talk about like losing your  like bodily autonomy right right off the start it's like you know what you're getting into they  didn't tell me that I was going to take the ASVAB so I was
thinking like oh you know it's going to  be a physical they're going to check like my heart you know it's gonna you go to the doctor they like  do the stethoscope and they're like checking your heart and they're like got the little lights  looking in your ear holes you know I used like some Q-tips you're not supposed to cleaning  out the the ear oh you gotta wake up at three I woke up at three I don't know if other people  wake up uh later but you gotta wake up like super early because you have
to get there at like the  earliest time known to man they're really like setting you up for the rest of the military  I should have listened um I'm not a morning person every PT session was horrible for me um  you wake up early as heck because you have to be at maps at like five something like wild because  it's a whole day Affair it's like the entirety of the day keep vigilant for spills and then I  was thinking like oh we're gonna do a physical um I don't think we did a PT test there I don't 
know if that's a good thing for some people I was able to take a PT test at my school so if it is a  thing I I didn't have to do it that day freaking goodness um but I had no idea that I was going  to sit for hours and take a freaking um exam I had no idea they were like oh yeah you're just  gonna go into this room go on this computer it was literally like a computer like this look at  this it was just like this these ASVAB computers are old as heck right the old ass computer like  although tec
hnically I guess this computer is futuristic because we're like on a spaceship  in the future I guess we're going back to Retro um it was the old ass computer just like that  I think it was even in the desk like that so horrible ergonomically like your neck is in  the worst position yeah I did save great your neck is in the worst position taking the test  and um hours long it was more than just like math and reading it had like mechanical stuff  electrical stuff which was it was actually kind of
some of it was interesting I guess but I was  just woefully underprepared um but I think I did fine because I was in college at the time so I  was like in that mode you know but nobody told me [Music] with seeks and like let us make the creepiest  the creepiest most uncanny valley version of a um android robot that we could possibly come up with  like what is that neck what are those neck folds there they look almost like amphibian like Gilly  gills like what is that and then the the weird like
a skin turtleneck like oh there's  another one hold on it's like they were like let me wear like a a turtleneck made  out of human flesh why do they have Coneheads have you watched uh Alien the Alien movies with  our beautiful gorgeous lesbian icons Sigourney Weaver I don't know if Sigourney Weaver is like  IRL gay but like she's a lesbian icon like she's she's earned it I have no idea no no she can  see you what do you do she's right there oh she's big I knew she would come I knew it didn't  I
say it I said as soon as you turn off the damn I want to touch it I would  want to touch it I'd be like what if you like the call the call of The Voice just say you touched an alien I  mean I guess she'll touch you so oh she got some sexy legs though look at  those hammies okay ah what's that debris okay cut the shadow no I don't like this  [Music] I legit have chills right now stupid floating gun I know why I  don't know why you're yelling at me oh she's so upset oh she's so angry below me she
coming up here kids see how well do you that's weird how well  do you know your long-haul sex part she's looking at them look at that how well do  we know this woman over here giving them the eye the little side eye biting her little  lip what is that about what is that this is a whole thing it's a whole narrative right  there more of them hey excuse me excuse me ah they are so creepy uh no bye excuse me I mean  you're not I'm sorry yeah um I'm sorry I screamed uh you just you startled me it wa
s the you're  you're just so you're so stealthy Tom's control it's urgent that is a restricted area it's an  emergency don't you realize what's going on your registration is almost complete I get it I'll  find my own way in are you registering me huh why are you registering me with your little turtleneck  skin neck huh huh looks a little hole in the ear don't put me on a registry I wouldn't advise it why not does it have batteries oh you  have to hold it ah lost no no problem please [Music] oh y
eah we're real close the person  look at his mouth it's like oh I doubt it ah let me in like I kind of get it I kind of get  it they're stuck in this like Loop of servitude there's no way he didn't see us there's  no way there's no way there's no way he was like hey stupid he looked us dead in  the eyeballs like laughs like I see you oh can be destroyed okay okay or was that the alien  that did that to you or a person no you can't be destroyed I thought you could be no I hate  it I hate it I hat
e it why would you do that in there he knows I'm in there  he's literally like hey dumbass he's so mad at me oh my God flea so here it is my pitch  to you viewers friends family allies um I am currently with a super Stellar awesome  team of individuals working on designing uh the website for a game I need to stop making  so much noise though um designing the website for gamers for peace and I need you or you  know we could use your help if you want um if you want to see how you could help  us ou
t um just type in exclamation point peace in the chat the chaturney and um  it will link you to a 10 to 15 minute um a little uh it's a little game let's call it  a game right a little a little group activity for the greater good um it's called the card  sort but um you can check out that link and it'll take you to a little uh sort of activity  game that my team will be using directly for uh designing The Gamers for Peace website  so uh head on over and uh check it out yeah and if it's too long
and you hate it then don't do  it you can just look at it and leave but I would I'll feel bad because I'll know people left I  don't know who left but I'll know that people left quack we're gonna calm our Heartbeats so they cannot hear us what's up proper what's up homie thank you for loving the raid thank you so much what's  up new chatters how'd you find us welcome what's up reggae I I just want to see Mama Sigourney  Weaver so bad all right um yeah thank you no this is nice this  is quaint le
t's have a seat nice

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