metal gear rising sons of delivery and digiorno is my favorite political and economic simulator well intended to teach the player the basics of price slashing and how to best divide the country as quickly as possible the answer of course is manually in this visually engaging stock market index we play as jack the wood chipper a man probably on a quest to renew the job market one life at a time so if you've seen part one of my philosophically charged video essay on the deep and interesting metal
gear lore which i totally understand then welcome back and if you're viewing this series for the first time well that's technically okay you're just gonna be more confused than an american at a salad bar [Music] last time on metal gear raisin guns of the priests but as for now our protagonist ryden with biden is forced to argue with a decapitated head about memes that's not made up i know the rest is made up but that's genuine apple bottom jeans ryden what boots with the fur fresh off his advent
ures to the orange dimension and the insides of american police it's up to our hero to avenge obama's death through the slaughter of the unmelonated learning the true meaning of based through many trials tribulations and his guest seat at the joe rogan podcast finally finding himself at the entrance to amazon warehouses with manageable stab wounds damn it i need a token black person what the [ __ ] he and peel this bloodloss has made me delirious tell me a story there once was a silence holy [ _
_ ] ryden heads into the hotel lobby hosted by mr mosby which the game sends the atf to stop me from freeing the second amendment i am forced to take matters into my own hands this was back when turret sections were the pinnacle of game design excuse me fellas i'm just heading to this normal sized elevator ryden i'm playing another gotcha game okay please destroy all records of my credit card debt before the police come welcome one in holocaust to a classic stealth game named metal gear solid 2.
we're currently undergoing a secret mission to destroy scandalous snake ryden we we have to prevent joe biden's america you have to stop you're too late corn pop i have already vocoded your voice to gangster's paradise we use our batman vision to carefully locate the bank records and also the rocket launcher this puzzle is a great way to simulate the real office experience if you work for blizzard so after expunging the records of overwatch 2 ryden runs through [ __ ] black friday this makes vi
etnam look like clown college we even have a richard dixon as you can see the situation has escalated what is up gamers maxor here and today we're going to be entering the um the what the [ __ ] so it turns out that bezos is a real big fan of japanese culture like a really big fan of japanese culture to the extent that he filled this building with ninjas don't worry they still use rockets the decor is so goddamn oriental it's killing dolphins ryden traverses the hidden leaf village with the dk c
rew and enters the first elevator built and designed with elephants in mind or just your mom on which we fight a gauntlet of enemies for several minutes as i reenact my trips to the humane society you will never catch me nor will you find the weapon how tall is this [ __ ] building this is half of the level so we get off of mr bone's wild ride which allows us to booze and cruise all the way to the moon apparently what is that music up here oh galio geogel brand i can't wait to see what the game
has in store for me now after all those long combat arena what so i want everyone to meet my cool and original boss design named mistral this is essentially what the patriots were doing the entire time ai dennis prager was merely a distraction these [ __ ] were synthesizing v tubers so now we're forced to fight their robotic fleshlight and her huge testicles this battle serves as a great moment to see just how far you've come as a player both in ability and tolerance for the best game mechanic d
on't worry though i'm still very bad thank god that shit's over now we can move on god damn it really bold move making me fight monsoon again after 20 minutes and yeah that includes the pants attack [ __ ] skeletron prime looking ass i guess you can say a good meme never dies jack god please take me out of this hell i've had enough memes today look it's shadow and he's a nice [ __ ] pretend you didn't see anything today well well well if it ain't defense unhand these brains jeff they're children
and kids are cruel jack they just lose touch with it at the ripe old age of 12. wait what war crime this can't eat the drywall that microwave and mice is wrong they say what the [ __ ] not to work kids love video games that's why i got them all set up spinning the wheel on my favorite gotcha games how else is a man supposed to make his impact you refrigerated a preschool for [ __ ] jpegs you think i made the market for gone you jack like every casino is just a big old conspiracy [ __ ] gambling
's just a part of who we are i just market it to sexy children besides demand for my products is about to skyrocket like the good old days after 9 11. wait a minute 911 is bad speak for yourself let's debate this on the roof looks like you're a gotcha player at heart is that because of my brain damage no it's because you go after children and there ain't enough room in this preschool for the two of us like i said kids are cruel jack and i love my face welcome to the bastard featuring his tax shi
eld this battle is comprised of two distinct phases each one easier than the last and for some reason a helicopter go go gadget concealed carry in his first phase we simulate beating to death a cheeky goblin using money to compensate for his lack of human empathy and by the second phase it's quite obvious why he does it this means it's up to us to cut each shield individually so we can play the game and yes you explode when you miss not only this but his health is the length of a cambodian life
in 1977 meaning once you get past that the fight is basically over in fact it's quite easy to just not get past the shield's bever and straight up kill him the fundular entertainment way featuring sheldon cooper from the big bong sorority but if you do this you're basically annihilating all enjoyment from orbit i personally recommend standing there and just waiting for jeff to up present so enjoy that second phase while you can because this music is a gift from god [Music] this is as bad [ __ ]
as it looks [Music] can you tell that's my favorite song i upgrade ryden's item as we board a helicopter being driven by a uh doctor how did you get an aircraft oh credit card of course by the way ryden do you remember that bank you sent to the past tense it was like carving a pumpkin well i think you missed one i can't go to prison right and why because you play genshin no ryden i'm a nazi well time to kill myself what the [ __ ] are you talking about there's so much hearts of iron to play i'm
gonna not see you in a second not today i guess so doctor tries to kill ryden anyways and he responds by dividing the public the hard way so ryden hits his head so badly that he lands in a a different game the volume is a little bit of you know it's just slightly uh it's kind of loud the graphics are a little different ryden heads to the gas station and uses the zandatsu to cut through the environment dynamically yeah that uh that seems like how it works this isn't even metal gear rising anymore
i'm just playing roblox games ryden survives the impact of a sedan when i was a child and gets utterly destroyed in denver again just like me on a saturday night and is forced to play a previous level but backwards thank you level designer oh [ __ ] a free bike don't worry it's a rental there are rumors that the nords are attempting to capture the whole of soul's time anyone looking for work should consider the fighters guild i hear they're always looking for new recruits you ran over a child n
ine miles back what are you going to do good day oh so now you decide to stop i'm running late oh don't worry ryden the clown college is closer than you think yeah it's right in front of me kill yourself your ass will always be cringe and my ass will always be thick 497 north parker tribe oh good you're getting more based by the day but i live with my mother is this her house in this duel between two equally matched swordsmen of various speeds it's up to us to defeat the weakest brazilian male t
his guy's out here making the rainforest look like a [ __ ] joke and the best part is there's no [ __ ] in this fight no minions no shields no monsoon telling me about [ __ ] among us it's just you the sunset and the soil this is the best boss ever holy [ __ ] ryden disarms wham slam damn sam which causes him to lose his mcfucking marbles and this somehow makes the fight harder i mean he straight up punches you like he's in goddamn yakuza hey ryden look at this cool bug i found alright and no ne
ed to flip out dudes got thunder thighs bigger than the power grid sam will test every single neuron in your corpus callosum with unrelenting and dangerous attacks strong enough to burn a hole in my adderall supply it's not a drug problem it's a drug solution and that is just phase one god help you when he picks up that sword again [Music] i challenge you to a debate what the [ __ ] no dies of cringe so ryden goes to inspect his kill like a cat only to realize that he has no cybernetic enhanceme
nt this man dunked on ryden harder than kobe after he threw an ava unit and he did it by juicing ryden steals his clifford the big red sword with a five-star gotcha rarity and thirty-three percent crit rate why did you have a motorcycle why are you sprinting there why don't we just relax and turn on the radio would you like him oh yes yes that's good damn dog give me some of that ryden mcfucking breaks into nasa so he can go somewhere quickly you see the current president george bush has made a
horse race across america that way he can assemble all of the votes and activate the guns of the patriot act but to understand what that means we have to head to a previous game it's metal gear solid 4 again and the clinton foundation controls the entire planet the only thing standing in their way is the now unsolid snake because he's old david i want you to meet someone very important to me his name is joe biden i have kept him alive using the miracle of child sacrifice and i'm gonna choose dea
th over life wow that sure made everything easy to understand oh my god it's my dad oh [ __ ] up i've returned with a puppy yeah anyways do you know where daddy can buy some cigarettes last time you got those you disappeared for 10 years i know so have you ever heard of nft trading no what is that well you start by buying a monkey can you feed the monkey nah but you can sell it for a rocket or some [ __ ] that's great honey i'll be right back now with our transportation acquired we blast off int
o [ __ ] space our goal is to reach the utopia of pakistan and stop the evil empire of america from initiating yet another military incursion called operation tecumseh finally i have tracked down the great satan to his source now this cliff will make me a martyr [ __ ] jacques already goes to the base so as to convince the boot boys the error of their ways and appear on indian news networks to justify nuclear conflict bryden have you heard of the hit game among us you need to vent right and i kn
ow it'll be hard to be science you might notice something funny about this level it's uh it's three rooms the developers [ __ ] gave up so so do i ryden plays the real game until he finds the cast of icarly our whole universe was in a hot dense state when nearly 14 million years ago ryden discovers his dog after being made into a family guy episode no i wanted to feed you that chocolate before a gigantic mcfucking crab evolves from the goddamn soil like a thousand year old cicada what the [ __ ]
well if it isn't sassy jack bro are you high let me check yes high on american spirit and there's nothing more american and there's nothing more american than shooting a man in this walmart of a world what is walmart it's heaven ryden check the internet lately write it hop on twitter you need to see this [ __ ] i hate this website it's all [ __ ] weep [ __ ] right and it doesn't make any sense they're being distracted without a nonsense these baboons don't even know they're at war with pakistan
this one's calling me a redditor and that's just the beginning e-girls gotcha memes all just petty distractions so real men can get down to business and as you know american imperialism is absolutely justified because we had a black president once before i [ __ ] killed him that's a nice argument senator why don't you back it up with a source my sources that i made it the [ __ ] up imagine a world ride and free of cancel culture where no one can call me out for my outlandish claims a world wher
e i can say the n-word what do who's in the gym i've got my own to debate online in this battle against microsoft excel we are faced with a boss too large to be fun and are relegated to enduring his onslaught from the inside of the forever box this battle is a classic case of wait for him to do anything just like congress and like congress when he does do something it usually hurts you fortunately this music is excellent and fits one-to-one with all i want for christmas [Music] i'm not joking al
though for some reason biden can parry several tons of crush force maybe my sister could have done that against my stepdad riding suplex is the giant lobster for the second time today then he yanks off his arm to have a sword fight with it every other game is now worse because they don't have this check it out ryden i just got vaccinated oh god he's hot time to hit the gym i don't have much i don't know jack maybe your face could do some work hope you can afford healthcare ryden because the taxp
ayer can't it's funny because thousands of people die don't [ __ ] with this senator [Applause] land of opportunity american dream it's all [ __ ] the success of a nation is determined by materialistic and socio-economic factors read a [ __ ] book the truth then us politicians aren't so trustworthy we'll steal make [ __ ] up even lie to our voters that's crazy i know it's very hard to believe but that's just what the usa is all about jack not hiding our theft and murder but embracing it whether
it's votes whether it's money especially money [ __ ] all these lipstick youtubers and chicken [ __ ] redditers [ __ ] this 24 7 internet spew of discord and feedtuber [ __ ] i'm gonna build a new future jack one where we won't have to hide our stealing from anyone and for that i want you by my side to build a world truly free from the consequences of our actions just like the founding fathers intended what do you say ryden why not try to say it just once i was wrong about you senator you're not
cringe you're just [ __ ] racist [ __ ] we're making the mother of all omelets here jack can't fret over every egg i'm sorry senator but this is my metal gear rising revengeance [Music] you need to work on your fitness what fitness dick in your mouth my blood is red white and blue jack i wonder what color yours is wait ryden brian griffin you can't give up yet think about every mentally deranged [ __ ] you fought up until this point you've always had the strength to overcome whether it was viol
ence in movies or sex on tv i was always lucky there was a family guy even if your iq is the room temperature of alaska you are the best chia pet ever made sam put a [ __ ] speaker in his sword that's right i finally uploaded my consciousness into my gaming setup ryden the reason you're cringe is not because you ain't skilled but because you ain't ballin on that stank-ass windows 95 pewter even in death he's on crack just this once i'll lend you my setup so you can know what it's like to be a re
al gamer you're my little dog champ i've always said my sword was a tool of justice not a weapon but a way to bring back those good old-fashioned values upon which we used to rely but this isn't my sword it's a [ __ ] mistake hey what's up guys maxor here welcome to the final bond you know he can be a this guy's a little uh you know he's pretty hard we're here after extensive cut scenes to finally teach america that violence is never a solution it's a question and the answer is yes start praying
boy dwayne the rock johnson's immense strength and talent for volcanic eruptions comes from his ability to switch between a culture vulture and obama at will channeling the power of both races to whoop your ass back to roblox but among his many racial talents our buff buzzard is fast has a great singing voice and possesses forklift certification when you die it will be in accordance with osha regulations but after spending enough time in the oven our athletic aesthetic disarms ryden and reports
to his chiropractor for an adjustment this guy beats up more biracial people than a police officer armstrong even has the power to receive the light of allah which bestows upon him miraculous healing wisdom needless to say this fight is fantastic combining and expanding on every skill we've acquired on our long and arduous journey for a final battle that truly tests our metal this isn't even the first time ryden has stabbed a politician to death but if i get my way it won't be the [ __ ] last [
Music] you know i'm starting to have a change of heart yeah i can tell that's why you're the best jack you always wore my heart on your sleeve if i hear another goddamn pun if you kill me jack you'll finally be free free to follow your heart okay that's it buddy and in other news a united states senator tragically passed away this morning after a botched open heart surgery honey can we please stop watching obituaries you'll be on there next if you don't shut the [ __ ] up oh [ __ ] my blackberry
good news jonathan we've got a new job opening for you ah that's great doc yeah anyways it's for a ninja cyborg ninja cyborg doesn't ryden do that oh yes ryden uh-huh well um the police might be after him for that vehicular manslaughter manslaughter doctor i did that [ __ ] on you're purpose [Music] [Music] i feel like you
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