Alright, now, throughout my life I've experienced plenty
of awkward situations. I don't know, if I'm like, some
sort of awkwardness magnet or what, but they tend to happen quite often. And today I'd like to go over
three specific awkward situations that were a little bit more
awkward than usual, if you will. Now, this first story
occurred a long time ago, when I was driving
home from work one day. I pull up in front of my house, and that's when I notice that
there's a neighbor kid in my yard pok
ing a dead squirrel
with a wiffle ball bat. Now, I really didn't think
this was all that weird at first, hell, if anything,
I was kind of excited for the kid. I was like, "Oh, look at that. A kid playing with a dead animal. Just like the olden times
when I was a child. How neat." So I get out of my car and
I yell out to this kid nonchalantly, "Hey, what you doin' over there, are you making a new friend?" Now, this kid looks up at me, and all of a sudden just
starts wailing his ass off. (Wailing
as fuck) Now, I don't know if
you've ever accidentally made a child cry openly in public, but it's a wildly
uncomfortable situation to be in. He runs over to his dad, who's
cutting the grass at the time, and side note: I don't really
know this kid's dad all that well. I mean, we've been
neighbors for years at this point, but, well, we've only really had
one actual conversation before and that conversation went something
along the lines of me being like, "Hey there, neighbor! How's it going?" (En
gine starts, tires squeal) "Oh, okay! Well, I'll probably
go fuck myself, how about that?" Well, this guy cuts off his
lawn mover and he says to me, how did he put it... Oh yeah, that's right, he said... "What the fuck did
you just say to my kid?!" Now, at first
I didn't know what to say, I mean, everything happened so fast, I thought I just asked
the kid what he was doing. But judging by his reaction, hell, I might've told
him to go fuck himself and that I was gonna
go kill his family dog. "Uh,
I just asked if he
was making a new friend." "With a dead fucking squirrel?!" "Uh, yeah, that's kind of
weird when you put it like that." "Don't ever talk to my kid again,
you fucking pervert! What the hell is the matter with you?!" And just like that,
that was the end of the discussion, he went back to cutting his grass, I'm labeled as the fucking
neighborhood pervert now, and for the rest of
the years that I lived there, I'm pretty sure slandered my ass
silly to the rest of the neighborhood.
"Hey, watch out for this guy!
He'll fucking... Try to get your kid
to play with dead animals! Be on the lookout!" So after that little instance I decided
I'm just not gonna talk to people anymore. To hell with casual conversation! Because one minute
you're asking a kid a question, and the next minute you're on
a goddamn registry of some sort. It's stupid. But even when I do manage
to keep my mouth shut, I still find myself in plenty
of awkward situations. Like, for example, not too long ago
I wa
s at Kroger's buying beer. And Kroger's,
for those of you that don't know, is a grocery store in the Midwest. You might have like an Albertsons
where you live, or like a... Winn Dixie or whatever
the fuck Florida people have. But here we have Kroger's, a.k.a. K-rogers, a.k.a. Kenny Rogers,
that's what I call it. So anyways, I'm at the Kenny
Rogers with my case of Miller Lite, when suddenly my wife calls
me up on the phone and she's like, "Hey, sorry to make you do this, but... I really need you
to
buy me a box of tampons. And please, for the love of God, don't make this into
a shitty little internet cartoon." Now, I know a lot of husbands
are embarrassed to buy lady products for their wives. They get all paranoid
for whatever reason, like, like somebody's gonna
call their ass out, like, "Oh, sick! Look,
this dude's buying tampons! Those are for women,
you sick fucking pervert!" But I don't get embarrassed,
that's never been an issue for me. Hell, if anything, I'll hoist that
damn box o
f tampons above my head like it's a fucking Stanley Cup. "Attention all of Kenny Rogers! I am a man buying
tampons for my bleeding wife!" So I'm standing in line for the cashier, holding my case of Miller Lights
and my box of Tampax Pearls. Well, it was right about then that I start thinking about something
that I saw on TV a while back. And that something was like an
episode of 60 Minutes or some shit, where they were doing a story about
teenagers who soaked tampons in alcohol and then they, yo
u know... shoved
them up their asses to get super drunk! I'm not making this up, this was a real fucking
thing I've seen on TV. The news anchor was like, "Are your kids shoving beer-infused
tampons up their assholes? More at 11!" Or whatever the fuck he said. Well, now I start getting
a little paranoid, because... Now I look like the goddamn poster
child of this newfangled teenage trend. I look back at the dude behind me, and he's giving me a look like... he fucking seen the same
episode of 60 M
inutes that I did. "Boy, looks like you quite a night
planned out for yourself now, don't ya?" So I go to check-out, and I can tell that the cashier is totally
perplexed at my choice of groceries. He's looking at the tampons and beer, then back at me, and then back at the tampons and beer,
and he's trying to figure out what the fuck the correlation
is between these two products. Well, now I feel like
I have to speak up and try to... defend myself to some degree. "Uh, look, it's really
not what i
t looks like, okay?" "Uh, what's not what it looks like?" "The beer and the tampons. I'm not
like... doing anything weird with them." "Uh, why would I think
that in the first place?" "Oh, you know, because... Apparently,
teenagers soak these things in alcohol, and then they shove
them up their assholes. Ahem." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "You know what, never mind!
Forget everything I said! I have to leave now." And then I promptly ran out of that Kenny
Rogers like the building was on
fire. And I haven't been back there since. "Crikey! That pervert's totally
jamming them things up his bum hole!" Alright, so now, all of a sudden,
I'm the neighborhood pervert, and I'm the guy who
shoves tampons up my ass. That's quite the reputation
I'm building for myself. What can I say. Now, thankfully,
this last story has less to do with me and more to do with
a couple of friends of ours. Now, these aren't exactly
close friends, I would say, at least not close enough for me to
not tell thi
s story to the general public. But I will change their names in this
shitty cartoon to protect their privacy, if you will. So this story begins with me and my wife
going on a canoe trip with our friends Jimothee and Stennifer. Ahem. And this wasn't a very
crazy canoe trip that we took, it was only like 4 hours or so. You shoot your ass down
the river and try not to drown. Then they pick you up in a van
and take you back to the parking lot. Nothing awkward about that, right? Well, after the trip'
s over, we're standing there,
waiting for the shuttle to pick us up. And good old Jimothee over here starts talking about this
vacation that they took in Wisconsin. "Dude! Wisconsin is BADASS! There's fucking cheese,
and there's cows... And there's more cheese..." Now, I did not give a fuck
about this story to begin with, because... Well, who the hell takes a vacation
to Wisconsin in the first place? But I try to be polite,
I stand there and listen to his story. "Oh, that's pretty neat. Wisconsi
n,
huh? Never heard of the place." Well, Jimothee decides
to pull out his phone to show me this Airbnb
that they stayed at. And this is where
things get a little weird. (Click!) Now, you have to understand that all
this happened in a matter of seconds. So I'm gonna have to slow things
down and do a little play-by-play. First, Jimothee pulls out his phone. He then pulls up his web browser. On his web browser was
a Google search, that, I'm assuming, Jimothee googled
prior to this canoe trip. And t
hat Google search, of course, was Now, if you're not familiar
with what pegging is, well, my ass is not gonna tell you. That's a version of the birds and bees I'm not trying to fucking have
with the general public, alright? Just know that it's a very
intimate activity between... Jimothee and Jennifer... ahem, Stennifer! And I'm sure, neither of their
asses wanted me to know about it. Well, in a fraction of
the second that this all took place, Jimothee's ass abruptly turns
off his phone and he's
like, "You guys wanna talk about
something else? Fuck Wisconsin! Canoeing is fun, wasn't it?
I love canoeing so much!" Now, I don't know how you're supposed
to handle a situation such as this, but I just pretended that
I didn't see what I saw, even though I totally
saw what I fucking seen. All I can say is that van ride
back was extremely awkward and casual conversation
was very difficult. "Uh, boy, those rapids that we encountered
sure were a pain in the ass, weren't they?" "Uh, you'd fucking k
now, wouldn't you?" "Huh?" "Nothing, nothing! Ah... Yeah, at least it was nice and calm
on that last peg of the river-- ahem! Leg of the river!" So yeah, there you have it,
there's three awkward situations that... I really wish I wasn't a part of. I'm sorry that two
out of the three stories had to do with things
being inserted into asses, but that's the way it goes. Like Meat Loaf said, And to Jimothee,
if you're out there watching this, which... there's a good
chance that you are, I'm sorry I h
ad to slander
your ass six ways to Sunday and I wish you no hard
feelings whatsoever. Unless, of course,
those hard feelings are in your asshole. Then I wish you all the hard feelings. All of them in the whole wide world. The end. https://brewstew.com https://patreon.com/brewstew https://twitter.com/brewstewfilms
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Comments
"Uh, you'd fuckin' know, wouldn't ya?" Had me in stitches. Nice, man.
"Peggers can't be choosers" is the perfect title for that last one, you got me with that one
I'm recovering from surgery, and I can tell you that fresh stitches in the stomach and new Brewstew video can be a painful experience. But it certainly cheered me up in spite of the pain.
We need to turn this into a series, this was so much fun!
"A kid play with a dead squirrel" and Brewster comes and said: "Aww are you making a new friend" makes me die lmao 🤣
Him getting snarky at the end with jimmy.😂😂 “last peg of the river… arrhm leg”😭😭
“you’d know wouldnt you” poor jimothy 😭
6:54 "And I'm sure neither of their asses wanted me to know about it" is an underrated line in the video.
5:00 that accent was golden...
6:36 i was NOT expecting that....
Who would have thought Brewstew would become an educational channel. Today I learned a new word "Pegging" Learning can be fun ! Keep up the good work👍
I've heard all kinds of awkward situation on your channel, but these take the cake. The last one caught me completely off guard. Haven't laughed that hard in a while.
That last story caught me off guard. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.
Tampax and beer? The correlation is easy! She's on the blob, and you need your vice to put up with her. End of story.😂
my brother passed back in october and this was one of his favorite yt channels to watch. me and him really bonded over it so i just wanted to say thank you for sharing these crazy stories and helping to light up even his worst days. it was hard to get him to laugh during his chemo but these videos always did! you’re doing a lot more than making shitty cartoons let me tell ya! ❤
That last story had me bent over, just like Timothy.
"pegging for beginners" killed me 😂😂
"Last peg of the river" sent me over the edge 😂😂😂
We've all had a random embarrassing/ awkward situation in life. But the third and final one kinda takes the cake out of the three.
another 10/10 video from everyones favorate deformed blue hunchback