Bad friends funniest moments compilation pt.4

yeah not supposed to do that either she takes  you're showers I should charge you how much do you think it cost for her like each shower  she takes I swear and this is not even an exaggeration I've I've clocked her at an hour  have you seriously taken an hour shower yeah it makes me so at like 30 minutes you're  like it's fine is that she dirty is that because she's making up for all those years of  not having water running water and SAU is that what it is Maybe because there's no hot water  and

oh no I feel bad take two hourss you know hey look up how much does it cost for like per  gallon uh to run your shower in how much is it for an hour shower what do you think it is hour  shower probably five bucks I was going to say 10 but I feel like five is better assuming that  the rates of electricity and water in your area are national average 12 cents per kilowatt  hour and $150 kilowatt US gallons each so for every gallon it's a $150 each shower cost  you 25 cents or 51 cents per day for

the whole household whoa that's nothing so how much is  it so so average I would say that it says it cost you 25 to 51 cents per household yeah per  shower yeah each but she's taking what would be a a five five five four or five showers four five  four or five showers so every day you're probably costing $2 or $3 oh yeah [ __ ] it shower [ __ ]  it you five hours you I think I got some money in here hey look yeah yeah there's there's a  shower there's a shower give that to Bob if you ever whoa g

ood catch rude I have a mass of  complaints all right let's hear him baby my mass of a complaints is this okay is that um you know  Rudy isn't my blood relative uh yeah not not not blood blood or legally or in any any I from the  grace of my own heart because I'm you know very Mother Teresa in that way I'm I'm a bleeding  heart empathy you're you're very Mother Teresa you're like an old you're like an old Haggard  [ __ ] who never [ __ ] you're just like Mother Teresa that's what you talk your u

gly [ __ ]  eyebrows what you talk look at the lack of definition in your [ __ ] arms I'm fat you have  this the most like that's like you're a little ham hack you're like if you like if you Mr Potato  haded a piece of ham with little with little fake arms all right so anyway um I have a bleeding  heart I'm a good dude yeah um D Bobby can you move to the left that's what I'm talking that's  part of it that's a part of it I told her I said to make sure that's a part of that's a part of  it that's

a part of her tone all right you're the best I L her into my house um she doesn't  pay for rent right she doesn't pay for food right she doesn't play pay for really anything  really well but her her physical being is worth something correct her presence is definitely  worth something she's lovable enjoyable sweet smart kind she's basically the what the PE like  you had Cleopatra which is me okay so your Mother Teresa and Cleopatra combo combo a combo deal  right so you you're Cleo Teresa yeah r

ight and she's building the pyramids oh yeah you know that  imagine Cleopatra and there's 200,000 dudes or a million dudes yeah building like you know so  that's who she is why why so many dudes I don't because they're very complex things to build  pyramids I built three of them in my life and they take a long those one Boulder is is the heavy  very heavy okay yeah is as heavy as Eric Griffin shout out but boom I'm going to get a text from  that he texted me already he goes y'all need to stop ta

lking about on your podcast you kidding  me we're the we're giving you more press than anything you've ever done yeah this is better  than Workaholics for him yeah montz man Y Man stino yeah yeah I got so many people texting  me about the [ __ ] you say on your show so come back to me um yeah my turn yeah yeah um  Bobby's turn so here's a list of things number one um we're having dinner the other night and  she looks at me and she goes Uncle Tito you have to take out the trash was it your turn t

o take  out the trash ex there is no turn there's no turns everyone has a turn it's his chore it's  your chore it's not no it's a chore that was designated to me by by Kila right so it's your  so she thinks that Kila is the boss of me and she is she is not I'm My Own independent human  being who pays my own personal taxes and whatnot okay you know what it's like K kalila is like  the McDonald's corporation yeah and you own a franchise right so yeah it's yours you get to  do what you want also an

swer to the franchise you you cook the fries the way that they want  them okay okay fine but it's not even it's not that like the franchise it's like the [ __ ]  fry guy telling me let's say I own the [ __ ] McDonald's that's the fry guy telling fry guy  the fry guy telling the owner of the McDonald's restaurant right go take out the trash because  corporate told you me to tell you that and guess what you got to do it cuz corporate did say  it fine but let me say this all right there aren't a lo

t of shifts open for her oh so she's  going to get let go there's not going to be a lot of shifts she's there's there's a cause and  effect like we talked about ear I understand so uh so all right so um so her shifts are getting  tinier so that's the number one so she looks at Dre me right in the eyes and goes not in a soft  you know not a sweet sweet way Tito puppy would you please take out the trash you have to take  out the trash like right in my [ __ ] eyeball can you say it again how you sa

id it to to to  just so she can have a [ __ ] stance on how this went down can you say how you you said it yeah go  ahead let's hear it okay Tito Bobby can you take up the trash tonight that's so nice she's [ __ ]  12 years old she's she I know whatever telling an adult she is the guy that owns the house can you  she said can you take out the trash you could have said you know I can't right now can you and what  would you have said it's okay it's okay it's okay Tito you bend your [ __ ] huh you

little [ __ ]  squirrel she bends it B Like Beckham huh that's not my only one there's another one what is it  number number two is um so we're driving down the street okay right and we see a car parked in front  of the middle of the street yeah I turn around mad because you can't just [ __ ] park your car in  the middle of the [ __ ] Street no one can get through so I had to I had to do U-turn it's on  your your house right and and then I look at her face all the blood from her face had has had

gone  out she scared yeah and what the [ __ ] why you know sometimes people Park their car in the middle  of the street right ain't no bad big deal baby no big deal baby she goes Uncle Tito you know who  that was I go no who was it um David Do's friend friend so David do I know who he is all right not  him his friend who was his friend what's his name um Jason Nash and Jeff Smith Jason Nash is the  older guy yeah I like him he's yeah people but she acted as if it was Barack and Michelle Obama t

o  her generation it is to those to that generation they're more important than Obama what do you know  about Barack Obama do you know anything about him um he was a president he has um two kids yeah  what else um what do you do do you know anything he stood for politically um I don't know he was um  Pro Choice yeah here we go now tell me about David DOI and Jason Nash look at her face light up look  at the smile look at all the teeth you've ever seen tell me anything about them that you love um

  he's um a famous YouTuber and then he pranks a lot of people why do you like him though what does he  do for you um he's funny he's funny and he's cute and and they seem nice and cool yeah hon Barack  Obama to them how about honest time okay honest time honest let me ask let me ask you a question  and you be completely and utterly honest with me is David what's his name do do funnier than Andrew  and I oh well I can tell you the answer to that no lie that's a lie complete lie that's a lie  cuz

she's never looked at us that way that's a lie it's a complete lie I know that's a lie  she's a liar she's a [ __ ] liar why did you lie I didn't yeah yeah why you ask her one more  time let's see if she really we'll give you one more chance to you your own personal opinion it's  not a factual thing it's just your opinion about it do you think that David do BRS do do Brink  is it an n k do do dock you think David I'm sure he's a very talented complex and very diverse  Entertainer he he's got he

's got millions and millions I he's at 12 million followers I only I  got nothing he's huge he's massive I got [ __ ] yeah right but do you in your heart heart of  hearts think that he's funnier than us take a second don't answer right away no because she  only she'll only answer the the the the answer that we want to hear she looked away when she said  she does you're a [ __ ] liar all right that's number one lie they said when you look away when  you lie so look look look Tito Bobby in the fac

e and say who's funnier Bobby and me or them you're  funnier Tito Bobby and ditto Andrew oh wow I'm in the I'm in the family so wait you really think  we're funny but you but there but not but she she she just I'm tell it's it's a lie yeah and she  she went googly ey this's the second strike what has she been doing else that's really bothering  you you make it seem like she's really hot water there are so many things all right well can I tell  you she's got me hooked on something let me finish t

he two more I have two more and then we'll go  to the hook I just I'm so excited to tell her this and share this I know well you will share it  to her but let me get the two other things that she I'm going to tell you right now okay we're  driving right we're driving down the street to pick up um some food me food uh uh terries our  favorite one of our favorites and I go hey you know it's been three months I I I just want a ice  coffee you haven't had ice coffee in three months no I haven't real

ly I haven't been to no I'm not  allowed to go to Starbucks or anything like that damn am I not am I not be honest am I allowed  to go there no I you had an espresso double shot on the show last week yeah but it was a canned  one I know it was still delicious wasn't it it was delicious but that's not my point I wanted a  fresh I bought it for you I put it in I know you did just for Bob but go tell so I go hey do you  mind you know she's not going to know if I swing by and get some iced coffee ju

st you know just  between us mhm she goes no I tell Uncle Auntie um kalila I'll tell her why why we talked about  the last time why why are you going to snitch on him do you need to do you feel like you need to  snitch no because it's a big thing and Kila asked me if he's going to make any stupid things then  tell me right she's an honest kid I know she's honest like but but that's a point docked for  you yeah here's the fourth one and here's the one that makes me very worried mhm and I've been 

Googling it and I've been calling my psychiatrist friends and I've been um oh yeah reading some  papers on it what happened so on her phone her screen you know her wallpaper or whatever mhm  is of a boy that she has a crush on who's the boy no just listen she has a crush right and she  doesn't she doesn't care piss me right off who's the boy oh you oh you want to get angry yeah you  want to get infuriated yeah who's the boy you're going to find out my friend okay keep going the  guy that she ha

s a crush on isn't real it's a cartoon character what who is the boy do you have  the screenshot bring it up who is that wait let me bring it up on the pter so I we can see I can't  see your phone who is it who is that um Kuru in hiu hiq wait what how do you spell that k u r r  o r o o and then just put High Q yeah like that's so fun k k r o and then just spell how [ __ ]  yeah wait what is it h a i i k y u u hi Co hi cool this this okay this guy that's him you have  a crush on this guy right he

rey yeah he doesn't even he doesn't a nose he has a Michael Jackson  nose I know his nose is gone completely gone why do you like this guy yeah this this is a sexy guy  no lips NOP lips right he has a lip no he don't where where those those are it's a line on other  pictures on other pictures okay piur these are all of them no lips lips no lips look this is this  is bad plastic surgery yeah yeah yeah he's got not he look at hit hit that photo right look look he  who what man puts blush on he's b

lushing I'm a so sad I'm so sad I'm a so sad yeah it's so this is  a this is [ __ ] a Japanese cartoon you obviously have a crush on Japanese boys yeah yeah look at  him he's these These are Japanese boys you love he's got veneers on those aren't real human teeth  wow though oh look at the arms you're right I can see it now wow wow wow okay so look you have a  big crush on this guy yeah yeah can I tell you something I'm actually quite relieved that it's  not a real boy boy really yeah because yo

u know that's [ __ ] weird it is but but you know what as  her you know as her intrum stepfather I just I'm I'd rather this than a guy that she can actually  have access to because now that she's on the gram and people know her and stuff are you going in  your DMs yeah you are are the guys Hing on you yeah but I don't see talk to them oh you don't  talk to them what do they say like um you're really cute and I find you don't respond no no  I'm telling you see that opened up Pandora's Box there's

gonna be some creepo are did people send  you nudes pictures no there better not be and if there are by the way if anybody sends Rudy a nude  listen up we're posting it we're posting it on the show do it but yeah yeah if you send a dickpic  to her it's go it's getting on the show but do it do it but do it yeah but it's gonna get on the  show on the show just so you know yeah and we're g look at all no yeah like in she's going back  to school now oh how School kiddo right so she goes back to sch

ool she go goes in she's friends  with these two twins you said yeah right they're your friends yeah you so you wear a mask the  whole time mhm mhm and there social distancing in the classrooms in the classroom but outside  no one is doing it yeah but you're outside out are you doing it yeah uhhuh do they make fun of  you like look at the [ __ ] Foreigner wearing a mask no they don't they don't no so do they um so  the two twins that you're friends with um they're two guys yeah right and you kne

w them last year  before the pandemic yeah so when you came in class asked the first time this time what do they say  to you this hi they're not they're not just let it just just let it this is what I have to deal  with every day I know just let it what are their names Alex and Jonathan and and which one do you  like more I like both can you tell the difference between the two no yeah because Alex is shorter  and Jonathan is oh so they're fraternal yeah and then Jonathan has a red hair and Alex

has blond  they're not identical oh so then then that's no fun that's no fun at all then why why do you even  hang out with both of them you just pick the one you like and then move on with twins you kind  of have to hang out with both of them usually CU you're like I I can't make the other one feel  bad because it's the same guy twice you know like the scar Brothers which one do I like more I don't  know I'm not allowed to pick yeah but um she also have been driving my car to school I know I'm 

really happy that you're driving and tell them what you did today I got gas and then I paid I  paid it but then when I oh you paid for the gas yeah and then wow I thought it was already full so  when I went back inside the car it still had two bars wait a minute you put gas in the car and how  much did you put in MoneyWise I I used my card how much did it say you charged 4950 $49 only got you  two just think about it the logic of it think of the logic I'm not understanding I I let me just  foll

ow me speak for her she goes to the car she gets out she she puts the thing in right she puts  the credit card in right yeah and um there's no way it's 4950 but I'll tell you why the logic of  that is it's it's a Prius $29 most right it's h so so the $49 was a guy from before guy from  before right so she so the her credit card was never charged of course not okay so she has a  thing in the thing right she's in the car now I don't know how long she waits probably 15 minutes  minutes 15 20 minute

s right yes that's that's how think she how long she thinks it takes half of  this episode yeah yeah she's in the car she goes out she looks at the oh 4950 whatever must be  full must be full puts the thing in the thing you know screws it back in gets in the car she's  driving now how come two bars U because um ding dong you got to squeeze the oh you got to pump the  gas actually pump it actually I did no no did you feel it you can feel the liquid coming through  yeah and I even saw liquid going

out what do you mean there's no it's not seethrough talking  about it was an apple gas station you could it was clear yeah space gray you didn't see the  liquid coming out no you didn't you're just your c credit card was not charged no yeah right no  it wasn't charged you didn't eat even ring it in you didn't press the [ __ ] regular did you no you  didn't which one are the three buttons low medium or high yeah or did you do diesel diesel yeah  she did diesel your car going diesel you said unle

aded that's exactly what it is unleaded yeah  did you press UNL yeah so what you're telling me is this you had ghost gasoline yeah ghost gas  that car is going to run on the hope you had ghost gas what you're telling me is this is that  we can sue shell oh yeah we should sue them them right for ghost gas no right so what what do you  think the logical thing is that you didn't do it right or what I said I didn't do it right so  you have to teach me this is what I have to deal with but it's like I

taught her how to TI  shoes but you're such a I did well they don't have and to flip lights she came to I don't know  how it work I you lift it up like this come in what is that sun inside yes you we got to teach  you how to pump some gas that's fine what are the things you need to learn learn they don't  teach you this kind of stuff I guess you know how no because in the Philippines there's like a  worker who does it for right we have that here in certain States United States they they pump ga

s  for you we don't do that here in California no yeah no a guy there's always a guy and does he  wash your windows too yeah how much do you pay him $2 $2 okay that's that's a lot for them is it  I don't know I don't know half a Ballo here go get yourself that ball yeah thank you to less than $2  to to the gas clean the windows but now you got to worry about all sorts of stuff what if the tires  go flat what happens if you get a flat tire do you know about have you taught her about any of  the s

tuff what if a tire goes flat what's gonna happen call ailo okay so okay look you're driving  on the freeway and then Tire starting what do you do what's the first thing you do um you slam on  the brakes you push on the gas you slowly push on the brakes and then you go to the right side  oh someone took a driving she has a license you [ __ ] face it doesn't sound like it apparently  G take filling gach how to [ __ ] Fill gas and well that's super important I know they should  they should yeah th

ey should put like what they probably don't they don't teach they don't teach  you anything about it they just teach you how to follow their arbitrary rules like stop signs don't  stop at stop signs you know that right you don't have to you don't have to California L she it's so  funny because when I'm driving because she's she just took the classes everything I do she's like  but Uncle Tito you're not supposed to what do you oh she knows all the particulars and it's like  I don't you know they'

re just suggestions yeah yeah really for me yeah they're just saying hey  maybe maybe do this no thanks like all the stop signs should have a question mark stop no thanks  yeah yeah just keep if Margo Robbie was with you you'd be just fine saying you don't want to get  with Margo Robbie if she doesn't kiss then no if she doesn't kiss you insane crazy no I I can't get  you know my thing I know I can't get hard period no I can unless I know that they like me would  you I'll take a date with Margo

Robbie you're right I would go what you're right I would go I  would try if I didn't try I wouldn't know yeah right so it's like you know I would I I would go  in and she goes no no just eat my [ __ ] I'd just be like okay and then make and then kicks you out  and then the moment you're done she goes get out there's a Newber outside get the [ __ ] out I'm  making I don't get to come what gross yuck get out oh I wouldn't ask her that it would just be  internal dialogue no I know but she heard you

say it inside she's that good oh my favorite one yeah  does that so I go and then she goes get out get out are you what are you insane and by the way the  and then tomorrow you're going to call her anyway right Maro I had a great time I know you did lose  her when can I when can I do it again whenever the [ __ ] I want I'll call you later when okay okay  whenever I'll be 247 can you guys um like do your like famous lines oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you  ready yeah do you know I practice I pract

ice it right okay to the window to the walls till Zoros  got big balls all these one piece crawl oh that's not it Carlos that's what he sent me this is  what she he sent me I live on the Treetops with my Montgomery W pass yeah is that not it what  is what's my famous the line what's my famous line why you doesn't make any sense Montgomery  W that's why you betrayed me what is the line I'm supposed to say yeah what's the line santorio  santorio S what ises monkey man you say G bazooka [Laughter]

bazooka santoo shut  up dude I'm doing it yeah yeah santorio gucha what was mine  g G bazooka G bazooka go ahead santorio g g bazooka mhm and your your hand  like stretches like really far cuz you're a rubber you got a big finger oh this my finger  or my hand any any okay right all right we'll do it again here ready you got to make it  serious we are he's serious Santoro g g bazooka if that's not it happy birthday Rudy Jules  what did you get in the bag there and how old are you today 40 22 thos

e lines in your face are bad  you do look old it's Noz I don't believe you got this this is from undress no way that's from  me and dude we went to this [ __ ] [ __ ] we went to the store yesterday we went to the Little  Tokyo Little Tokyo no yeah we did yeah we did you we went to Little Tokyo yesterday dude bazooka I  may never have children why you laughing okay I I may never have children and um and I may and  even if that I may never have a daughter but I think you've given me um a glimpse i

nto maybe  what it might be like and it's been um a [ __ ] disaster okay no I know it's been it's been great  I I I may never have children and if I ever do get to have One MH don't go racial then I hope to God  she's not brown no no I I I you a great uh young lady now and I hope you get to stay in America  much longer because I know when Trump gets back in again he is going to change around some of  those rules yeah he is going to probably remove I mean the Philippines is probably the first to 

go don't you think yeah they gotta go what kind of Captain what are you he's the captain of  his ship the Pirates how many people are on the ship I was saying is is that being a captain  of a eight-man ship doesn't seem that important I don't know dude double done tiger belly he was  really nice he came out of his like trailer that Mark wallberg you know what I mean hit on you  would you yeah yeah even now well wait why you say even now like no he's older I mean I don't  know older he's one of

those like an ageless holwood right so if Mark Walberg calls you the  and he goes hey baby let me take out a date with you go date with him yeah I would love to go on  a date with Mar and if heed to why has he said something you would make out and all that stuff  with him maybe I mean I would like I mean he's still a person I'd want to know him probably still  want to see what if what if he was like yo I want to take you on a date but uh just let you know  like I got a [ __ ] on the first date a

nd it's only anal what would you say oh man you don't  do anal first date no but it's m it's me it's me it's mocky mock like yeah yeah yeah you know  know you got to let me do it baby girl you got to let me do it yeah I got to [ __ ] on the first  date and I got to get the ass yeah is it your ass or my ass both both I mean I got a happening  post I'll I sign it for you you never heard of the the wallberg way okay so number one um what  do you when you get water right what's the most annoying thi

ng when you have water that you have  to keep drinking it otherwise you die nope no what is it Nanos this is nano pure you're telling me  there's no Nanos there's no Nanos this no no so we talked about this on the otheris can I just  say another thing please right when every time i' I've drinken water I went there's something  wrong with this you know what it's structured differently ah than it should be ah restructured  you're telling me this is fully restructured yeah yeah here's another thing

right yeah what do  you love about water when it what what it has keeps me alive no no there's elements in it I'll  tell you what oh hydrogen and oxygen when it's oxygenated right but it already has oxygen in it  but this company what no not enough oxygen hyper they need more oxygen hyper it out dude okay  well let's take a let's take a well here's I'm but I'm going to say this uhhuh you're already  close-minded no I'm how am I you're close-minded and and you're Mak fun of it already juice am I

  closed-minded um if I said no would you be open to that possibility yes then I think you're pretty  open-minded right on okay good so would you like some um aora please I I would like I'm going  to drink my own water you drink yours and you know what my good oldfashioned Elvis Elvis loved  Mountain Valley that's why I like and I'll drink my oora because yours full of Nanos you're telling  me this has tons of Nanos yeah yeah Nanobots in your body dude okay oh it's a real classic and  you're bei

ng restructured now let me taste oh yeah wow let me taste delicious how is it I'm restructured whoa do you feel better did  you see how was did you just see that I didn't do that I didn't do that dudee the water just did  okay so you think this is better you really do think this is better well look at how much is  yours the Mountain Valley a couple bucks yeah a couple bucks $30 dude that's a $30 bottle of  water yeah so it's disgusting it's not but how does it taste does it taste better dude I I

  hate water usually really yeah I want to keep drinking this dude wow and I don't want to  offend Christians but here I'm going to go ahead all right yeah Jesus come that's how  good it is that's how good dud dude if Jesus had come dude that's what it would be Bingo  you know how Jesus I'd spent $100 on you know how Jesus walked on water you know how Jesus  walked on water yes do you think this is the water he walked on this is it oh yeah this is  Jesus water and the other dude that split it ap

art Moses that's that water part of the  sea well I'd like you to see a video real fast uh let's show the boys uh show everyone  a little video here for in studio while you sip away okay did you notice any difference  between that water no it is the same I mean get oh my God it did I did taste weird d  oh my god did I just did I just drink C water dud you did that to the king wait did  I just drink C water Dude where's my where's my I I swear to God I was you know where  it is where it's in my m

outh water right is how is that be honest it tastes exactly like  water that it it tastes the same as Mountain Val give me my water no way give me my look at that  okay can I say this D can you believe look what the boys did they poured you that is bathroom tap  water dude D dude D dud let me say something right now wow let me say something right now if I  get cancer because of this it's your [ __ ] fault look look at how meticulous he put the  sticker back [Laughter] on no don't do that we live

here no you're not no it'd be like Bobby Le  fighting a young kid not like water I'm not like water you're what am I like like sand I'm like  sand you know how Bruce is like you have to be like water I'm like you have to be like sand ear  moov you know what you are you're like the stuff they put in those stress balls whatever's in there  that's what you are what what's your name bring in the with the bad friend shirt we call him out for  being a liar I this guy right here poser not a fan poser

yeah you know who he's a fan of who Michael  lenoi oh hilarious he doesn't know who right yeah you love what's your name AJ AJ he didn't sign up  to be made fun of by the way oh oh I'm so sorry a so say sorry and sorry I attacked you for no  reason and I apologize for laughing are you an American citizen so am I we have something  in common well what I'm barely yeah yeah I'm going to my car next week where are you from  AJ uh Massachusetts he brings these look it he brings these kids here can I

ask you something  yeah do you make them come or do you go hey um do you guys want to come way to ask this question  do you make these kids come it's like isn't there there's got to be a million ways to ask do you  make these kids um no don't start with that way that's the wrong way do you oh how about this  I got it right do you make these young adults come people don't believe that I did because  they think how dumb are you mhm right and um but it's that's why I'm afraid to tell the story  bec

ause it doesn't seem like it's real what' you do so I was with Kila and we were in a Hawaiian  trip but then we ran into a school of jellyfish so then I had bumps from the top of my head down  to my feet wait you swam into it yeah you didn't see it well they're translucent it's a school  you can see a lot of them I don't open my eyes when I'm in the water you don't no I'm like you  know I get scared you open your eyes Under Water yeah we wear a mask yeah I didn't wear a mask  oh you I was just l

ike you mean you know and we but everyone ran into them like you Kila everyone  right yeah so we were with these two white dudes and they're like ocean photographers mhm you know  like you know like the ones with the with the ABS the hot guys that's what I wanted to say yeah hot  guys the sexy hot guys like Surfer Bros right so we were all standing around they're like I go  I I'm so itchy like we're all itchy dude just urine right you have pee on yourself but I didn't  no so what they they pulle

d their dicks out these guys yeah and they they started peeing into a  cup drink it well that's what happened so I so what happened was no yes no so I go oh I'm not  going to do it with you guys I'm just going to go behind so I went behind like a tree and I  peed in the thing and then I drank it no and then when I came back I saw them putting it on  their body and I go oh it goes on the body and they're like what' you do with it I go and know  a lot came out you know what I mean so I didn't you

didn't do it it's in the body yeah it's in  the body now when I tell that story I told that story on stage and no one believed me I mean I  believe it knowing you I I believe it you believe it yeah okay yeah right away good good yeah  mhm you know what it is oh yeah I go like this oh it's real subtle it's not subtle it's so  racist it's not racist it's overtly racist no it's not it's not subtle that has nothing to  do race overly racist no I'm I just get really I really get it's like if ladies a

nd gentlemen  anyone that does that the the president of the United States his forly like oh that's me orgasm  it's it's no that's me orgasm it's overtly racist can that's not racist why would it be have  anything to do with race you ask for my faces and I go oh that's what I do if I organ guys I do  a white thing hey buddy that's so funny if you did that come hey buddy gotcha whatever hardest sea  mammals they are right they have sex for fun then why like for me it's like if I'm swimming into 

a bay MH and it's blood there's blood yeah I'm going the other other direction like it's like  walking down in Alleyway and you see blood in Alleyway you see a guy getting stabbed yeah would  you not he's like go the other way yeah keep walk you walk the other way 100% so how bright are  they really well they're going to save their friend they want to know what is he okay yeah  they're and can they do a different noise yeah I don't like the do a different noise yo what  do you want don't make it

don't make it Urban hey man why it's not how's that Urban all right  maybe hey man maybe they won't hey man that hurts dog hey what wait what's that dog see don't  add dog it's a dog doing it a dog is killing yeah that's why it's in it he yeah I don't  know they do need a different noise do your dolphin that's really good wow that was really  good guess what don't laugh who' you swim with dolphins what did you yeah yeah you swam with  dolphins and there was a baby do they could you stand on the

ir nose can they push your feet right  isn't that what they do yeah but we didn't I did that in Mexico one time yeah I me I don't swim  with them you know what I do I ride them you get on top oh yeah they let me they'll stop right I  and I'll get on their back right did you do what in the blo hole well that's how I get locked into  the se you ride it backwards yeah you got to lock in yeah yeah yeah I get locked in yeah you and  I yeah why don't we go on a date we'll film it why don't we go on a

real date I'm dead serious  it's so gross dude would you go on a date with me please but take it serious all right but  I'm serious like take it for real like dress up look nice do your makeup do your hair no I  want to we're at a restaurant I want to go to a real date no oh we will but let's let so let's  how does it work I pick you up well then Rudy I pick you up I pick you up no I'm the I am the  guy you pick me up I pick you up will you pick me up on time you won't be ready so I'll be late 

you know me well I know very good that gets me a little bit cuz we have a connection there so you  know Rudy you're our server okay all right no wait you pick me up first you we're at the restaurant  yet all right sorry yeah what's up man you know walk out the door and say hi and walk down the  step what oh there there he is close the door right hi hi Bob get in he Andy H get in oh are  you going to open the oh my God I'm sorry get out I open the door and then close the door  thank you yeah yeah

and then we would have to M we would have to talk about something that's  a little uncomfortable no I would probably do this you look nice tonight I go do you no you  would you would you would open with that it's so intimate you look nice tonight thank you you  know it's funny I um I would say something nervous because right so I go yeah because um you know I  just joined Amazon you know I figured out how to get Amazon stuff and I get I got these new men's  soap oh yeah yeah yeah so I got a col

lection in a box like and one of them's like Puli but one  of this charcoal one yeah and so like and you know I I saved the charcoal one you know for a  special occasion yeah you smell good thank you for noticing let's go you ready to go get some  food where are we going to go it's a surprise okay and then we would have another awkward  thing where I'd go we'd speak at the same time like a bad movie you know we go this so go  ahead go ahead you you go go go ahead [Laughter] okay oh no I'm gettin

g pulled over oh no what you  are your tags up to date no I think everything is okay oh uh hi officer how can I help you why  were you speeding up oh gosh I didn't I didn't think I was speeding yeah you were going  over 60 wow was I what's the speed limit here 55 and you just let me may I interrupt  please so you thought that 5 miles per hour was a little too much for you to handle and you  pulled us over yes well wow okay well let me do this I'm I'm on a date you going to give us  a ticket then

no not yet I'm on a date I'm on a date as you can see yeah where are you going  well it's a surprise it's a surprise it's yeah I've known him for years and then we just  we just started we realized we just wanted to try it out yeah yeah yeah that's really  sweet so do you think we could be on our way okay okay I can let you go thank you officer  appreciate it have a good night you too by J yeah did you oh sorry sorry sorry I was nervous  um W what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [ __ ] it's the same

it's the same [ __ ] what the [ __ ] iser  officer officer what's what's problem I forgot U what were your [Laughter] names why would that  ever matter why would you why would it matter what our names are I just like um taking PE taking  gay people's name what's your badge number what is your badge number yeah we can we're going to  report we're going to report this G people say what my God what did Officer Dominguez write that  down right what's your number 6743 write that down we'll be on you

r our way thank you so much to guys  I'm Andrew and that's Bob and we are offended yeah we're out of here I support gay people yeah but  for you to pull us over and no well why do you need our names why do you need our names I I like  to keep it on my house you like keep it on your house so you pull over gay people you get their  names and you just kind of like you know write it on the walls of your house yes wow okay okay we  get it now well we'll be on our way have a good night byebye please d

on't okay let's go what  was that about that was crazy I mean and it's like it's what you know no [ __ ] I can't believe  it this is not real There She is again oh yeah oh my God what could you possibly want what do you  need I just smelled um a perfume that I really wanted to buy in the store were you oh oh thank  you oh so it's like um what's this it's um it's men's nature it's that's the company right and  if you go to Amazon right it comes in six-pack and one of them's charcoal and that's wh

at I've  been using it's not really a perfume it's a soap but it's a scented soap yeah so yeah we really  are late for our reservation we got to go let me ask you something right now offer Dominguez  because I have a feeling that you might want to pull us over again so so so we get everything out  now right all the things that you want to ask me now cuz we're really late for our reservation um  do you have any um hairstyle that you would say a hairstyle well I like the Roman cut I like the  Roma

n cut I also like uh when they shave the sides what do they call it when they shave the sides no  for me oh I'm sorry um your hair looks great some bangs do like a bob bang you could easily get get  away bang should I get a tattoo um we don't know you at all what would your tattoo be yo um I lost  my dog so I wanted oh I'm so you lost this dog so you want to tattoo your dog yeah officer Dominguez  officer I'm going to throw this out there this is crazy but do you want to just come with us to  di

nner sure wonderful just park your car the No No I don't want to interrupt your first date no  it's fine fine afraid that you're going to um pull us over again so right okay do you promise not to  pull us over again I promise okay so you're not coming with us you're not coming with us and so  you've asked every question that you want you're not going to pull over Ser again yes okay thank  you have a good night have a good night offers are toig are toig all right all right let's go let's  go that

was crazy I've never finally we're here at the restaurant oh my God so what do you think  about it have you ever seen this place oh Luigi's Luigi's it's delicious yeah and is it based on the  Mario Brothers well the iron is it's it's Luigi's but it's actually Argentinian food wow yeah have  you ever had it not really no it's breaded breaded chicken it's steaks a lot of steaks and Chim CH  sauce and stuff like that you're going to love it you're going to love it uh oh there's the host  down ther

e there's the host uh let's hello sir hello hello welcome to Luigi's thank you thank  you thank you um I guess there's a reservation under the name of Santino it's actually it's  santin Le because I thought we would that's cute that's really cute santin santin Le is there  a santin Le here for 8:30 uh um no I'm sorry what the [ __ ] wait I I called you call did you call  I made it on Open Table I put it on Open Table and I also called and made sure that you guys still  have the table on the Terr

ace that I requested um I don't see it here maybe you guys can take  it to go hold on oneit stop stop stop first of all I'm sorry um it's under santin but this is  Andrew Santino and my name is and both who are comedians we have a podcast called bad bad friends  it's pretty popular Oh I thought that was with uh Tom seura and Barett ker um okay embarrassing  what's your name sir yeah Pete Pete man do you not sound like a Pete but Pablo oh Peter Pao pety  pabl the rapper pety Pablo you're the rapp

er pety Pablo yeah yes well here Pete Pablo um I have a  weird feeling and you can say I'm wrong but are you not giving us our table because we're two  guys on a date yeah it looks a little bad for our clientele that's disgusting well that's  disgusting you know we don't want to eat at a place like Luigi's you know because this is  what in the restaurant in the restaurant Pablo hi hello officer mingas I'm not talking to you  I'm talking to Pete Pablo oh my wow I know Pete Pablo oh oh okay have a

conversation he's my  brother oh no makes sense the gay collection of names refusing me a table yeah wow have a  conversation he's refusing you a table because we're on a date yes Pete no I love gays you you  have to let them in Pete let them in let us have a table Pete would that be okay okay all right thank  you the corner table over there thank you officer Dominguez we really appreciate it um can I sit  with you honestly we might as well we have to at this point we might as well at this poin

t have to  at this point yeah so okay come sit with us let's put up a chair let me take out let me fill your  chair up thank you no problem and Dominguez I'll do this for you as well just because we're here  uh there's our server hi uh how hey hi hello oh so you oh you do host it's a onean shop do you cook  as well I do oh oh okay are you Argentinian I am wow okay wow all right so do you have any specials  chimy churi steak Chim Chu steak that's all you got that's it can we get a menu Chim churi

steak  that's all they serve that's all they serve Chim Chu steak well do you guys want to put in a drink  order or something like that do you want something to drink Dominguez I want a lemonade a Lade first  of all cuz you only have chimmy tree steak here so what are the drink options it seem like you  would have lemonade we have wine wine and water and water okay with lemon we can put it lemon you  can put lemon in the water yep or the wine would you like water lemon water yes would that suff

ice  um I don't drink I don't drink so I'll have just I guess a water okay I don't really want wine I I'll  just have some water as well are you sure there's nothing there's like nothing else back there H you  we have uh energy drinks oh oh what I'll have an energy drink what brand we have red bulls perfect  perfect I'll have a you have a sugarfree Red Bull no only with sugar okay I'll have a regular red  bull fine we'll take we'll take those yeah thank you so much what a weird rust frug I mean

honestly  just Chim Tre steak wine yeah chimy tree steak Red Red Bull and water and water that's it that's it I  how they business so Dominguez uh oh yeah sir and we'll just take three Stakes obviously because we  [ __ ] can't choose anything because can we can we um median okay we have an option can we do medium  no yes medium that's the only thing you do yeah I'd like medium rare if that's possible no that's  they only have medium you can just undercook it a little bit they only have medium th

e chef doesn't  like suggestions so yeah yeah okay so I guess we'll have three medium Chim steak I'll have a  Red Bull you want a Red Bull three Red Bulls water lemon water water's all around yeah but no lemon  for mine no lemon for his please and no ice in mine please if you could yeah uh did you get all  that let me write it down why don't you you can't memorize that can you repeat it back to us so we  make sure you the order right you can't memorize that I think you guys wanted this thing [La

ughter]  right yes yes of course that's precisely what we wanted okay three three Red Bulls yeah yes please  in two waters one with ice the other one with lemon yes please got it thank you yeah sir how  are the steaks cooked medium medium that's it okay great that's it so wow Dominguez how's the night  been going for you really tough I just um caught a couple of gay on the way out caught two lesbians  where did you catch them what were they doing what what were they doing uh they were speeding u

p like  the way the way we were speeding at 5 miles hour faster than the speed liit yes okay so you caught  them and what was there there were infraction was serious enough for you to pull them over I  was going to let them go but they were really angry at me really [ __ ] what were they were mad  because you pulled them over so that's how many times did you pull him over how many times did  you pull him over five times five times that's why they were angry yes but I had many questions  about th

em okay okay did you did you pull over anybody else did you let them go though did you  let them go did you let them go yeah okay good I did what were their names what were their names  cuz you collect names collect names oh yeah their names for Jessica and Olivia oh oh we know them  yeah jica and Olivia we know we know them they live over on 18th oh so that's good did you have  any other trouble tonight I also met um couple of old people tell me were they I'm assuming that  they were gay the on

e one one one guy was bisexual and then the other was trans oh okay what's the  second one the other one was trans one was B oh Trans were they together or I didn't I don't  know because they were talking really slow so I just left them oh cuz they're old yeah yeah how  old are we talking yeah 85 85 85 885 trans and bu guy and a buy guy okay I don't even know how you  would get that information did you ask him those yes oh I see officer Dominguez correct me if I'm  wrong it seems like most of th

e people you pull over and give offenses to are gay or in the lgbtq  community I I'm just interested in that I know but you could like look up online or like ask a friend  why do you have to pull us over officer demig let me ask you a question are you by or gay no I'm  straight okay well don't get so defensive yeah really jumped down my partner's throat there well  so so why are you so interested I just like their personalities just the same as yours well okay  that's very sweet can I ask you an

other question please please we're here we're here waiting for  our Stakes when did you two first met well well we first met we've known each other for a while you  know both comedians over a decade ago oh comedians yeah and we met at the B Cher God I like bir  ker and Tom seura yes we know them we know them have you ever pulled them over no because you  know they're no they have families oh I see I you know I'm seeing I'm seeing a pattern obvious  pattern with it's becoming a little apparent ca

n you please you know what you're very you're very  you're offending me why because you know why and we need you to um leave please we don't you I wish  you to leave the restaurant but I let you in this restaurant yeah but I think it's just for your own  benefit you're doing that for yourself oh here are the here's the server here's Pete here thank you  Pete you only have one I thought you said only one okay there's only one okay thank you uh mine's  supposed to be room temp no thanks thank you

Pete Pete I I'm good I have my water lemon okay thank  you so should I just leave the water is already here I guess you could finish her water yeah she  can stay I guess yeah that's fine fine excuse me Pete yeah how much longer on the steak because  medium I feel like might be done pretty close to now also do we get any sides yeah we didn't even  ask for sides there's nothing here you guys can get fries or Salad well that could have been  an option in the beginning see we didn't ask we would jus

t get the St and that's it we're out  of fries so salad all right well so can I have a salad get the salad I guess yes or you he says he  guesses it's like the rudest he's so rude can we pick a dressing or no it's a dressing olive oil  and and vinegar that's it that's all you've got okay so and is there it's just let me guess it's  just lettuce and that's it and Chim Cherry sauce that's what I'm thinking it is a little bit of  tomato too a little bit of tomato okay thank you can we have some of

those we'll have some salads  please while we're waiting you don't have soup this is such a steak soup salad you Andrew this  is a terrible PL have you eaten here before no no I read one Yelp review I I did that review  that was you that was you you no and I should you know what and you know what it said on there  I should have known it's at a great place for gays yeah and that was a trap it was a trap and  that's why you were like Gaye I'm thinking about you know 100% a great place for gays is

what it  said and I just thought five stars this has got to be the spot it was only Yelp review yeah you  know Andrew let's [ __ ] forget dinner let's just [ __ ] let's go I can tell you no no no no no I  already know what you're going to bring up it's fine I can talk about but I have to protect the  The Entity itself protected that's fine that's fine what is it is um he's how many days now  15 days 15 days of no pornography wow wow wait how B how bad was your problem Steve it wasn't  that it wa

s bad bad it was that I didn't like I didn't like what pornography was doing to my  mind sure sure because I realized I mean cuz you know we're messed up I mean I'm not blaming him  he definitely I know we have to do I know I know but you you want you don't CL me in with your  [ __ ] but I just remember it was a progressive thing as far as I remember younger this is before  the internet like him having like a DVD you had he had a whole like collection of them and I would  take one or two and the

n how many three [Laughter] you he could have filled up like an amoeba record  like a whole store I mean yeah you know those one of those booklets you know those booklets where  you put CDs you know those book those big black thick booklet like he had hundreds of those of  just collections like the Beatles collections collections collections yeah just collectors just  filled filed filed sorry but the rest hey but but Steve Steve let me ask you though what was the so  what what was the reason tha

t you quit like what was the moment well I realized that it it affected  just my like my relationship yeah or just it just kind of like it not only desensitized me like as  far as because I noticed too like when I was like like I would be on PornHub or x videos my searches  would be a little bit more further like going kind of outside the box you know like like what give  us an example well it started with just like POV doggy or you know something like that or you know  cream pie or you know jus

t like your I don't know if that's standard that is that's but then it  started going into like crackhead cream pie so alone season 3 with with kalila no the new  season of yeah the new episode that came out for season 7 and um I had my mouth open CU When I  watch like this I I have my mouth open it's inred I smoke so much no I smoke so much I think just my  mouth just opens trying to get oxygen in my body yeah yeah yeah and then she stuck her finger in  my mouth and I felt like there was someth

ing in my mouth and I go what was in my mouth and she  giggled and I go what are you giggling about she I put Bojo's eye Burger in your mouth so Bojo  is my youngest cat oh my God I know I know and she I know and he gets these right Jules he gets  these thick ass eye boogers oh I'm gonna throw up I know and they they turn black Jules right  back me up they turn black so she puts Bojo's eye Burger in my mouth and you know what you  know when you have a cat's eye Burger in your mouth there's somet

hing there's a sensation that  goes over your body and I I can only equate it to another sensation which is rage right so what  I did was I dug in my my nose because I have so much because I smoke and I sleep with my mouth  open mhm I have a booger Fest just deep in the canal you're the booger I am AR I not mhm and I  dug in a you a tricolor where it's dark yellow and clear or something oh red oh that's not good  yeah yeah yeah that's bad I call the tricolor it's yellowish clear there's dark por

tions black  almost almost black yeah and streaks of red because of blood yeah and it's uh you know so it's  one of those ones with um a hard tip do you get what I'm saying yeah slimy but it's basically you  pull out the hard tip of ITT and there no there's like yellow and red entrails it's great so and  so the hard tip is between my fingernail here oh man and the entrails of the [ __ ] Booker  is coming down like this fans are loving this one what did you do with it why why what did  you do you

think I should stop talking about it loving I just imagine some guy people  people people send people tell us like I always watch you guys when I'm eating breakfast  in the morning Monday mornings just [ __ ] stay just so fny having some eggs and toast I don't  care I don't care what did you do with it I try to stick it in her mouth no she put a [ __ ]  Cat's iburger In My no no no I know I know just the duality of it then what's the what's  the proper retaliation you hit her as hard as you can

yeah I did no I and she and so she grabs  my hand she to block yeah and it's almost in her mouth right and I almost get her in the lip  but then she looks at me and she goes if you that goes into my mouth yeah we're done yeah I  know those ultimatums we're it's like I'm not playing around anymore we're not yeah we're done  so I stuck it right mhm so I have this glass on the side of the my end table the table I have  this glass where for my water M and I stuck it at the tip of it oh my God it's

still there now  po what but it's your glass yeah it's my booger it was already inside my body I know so get it  out get it away go it no no no if I stick it back inside my body who cares belongs what's so  no yeah boogers are gross to me why I don't know I don't know why I just they yucky I don't like  that stuff you've never eaten it you eat your boogers do you really eat your boogers I have  when was the last time you ate a booger when was the last time you ate a booger you know it's  when wa

s the last time let me go back though for a second just give me a second I want an answer  I I we will give you an answer I'm G to give you a [ __ ] answer all right but I'm going to tell  you something yeah there are things in people's lives private lives right where you do in secret  right and you're in your privacy booger eating is not a thing that people do in their private lives  private lives is like I have too many drinks at night by myself no there are things people do that  oh no one's

around you look around first I don't eat I've never eaten a booger where I haven't  done this first where I looked around and what does that mean you probably shouldn't do it maybe  right but I don't want anyone to see me it's like when you if it's like if someone says the NW  and they go and they say it because they know they're not supposed to that's the only reason you  would look around yeah but mine was just based on embarrassment yeah you're right yeah you right  you're Absolut trying to j

ustify when was the last time you did it uh I don't know I don't I  don't because I don't eat a booger and go that was a good one it happens enough that you don't  remember what it happens enough that you don't remember it happens often enough that you don't  remember oh in my lifetime you're asking me it must happen regularly that you don't remember yeah  I don't remember so maybe a couple of days ago no not I would have remembered a couple days ago  but maybe a week or two within the month wit

hin the month within the month have you ever eaten a  booger Rood no no no never never but have you ever pulled out a booger and rolled it for a while  yeah I've rolled it for a while so what would what does a booger taste like to you I don't know  I've never tasted it what do I think it tastes like yeah mucus with the flavor though what's  the flavor yeah uh uh funions no uh it's salty okay funions are very salty that's exactly what  they are like oniony chips salty you've eaten a Booker before

man no man I roll you've eaten  a [ __ ] booger beforewe life swear to God I have not it's ridiculous I would never I the look  of it is gross to me I've tried everything off my body I mean I wouldn't even eat like mushrooms  until I was you know 30 sperm never never you've never tasted your own sperm nope NOP me either  yeah right hav't either you You' you've tasted your own sper and other peoples yep don't be like  that is that not true don't say it like that tell me is it true have I tasted

other people's come  yeah yes okay bad friends would like to apologize for the preceding segment please watch the  following clip to heal any trauma this may have caused we do a lot of gay stuff and I just feel  like that whole scene we don't do a lot of gay stuff we do we always a gay couple we're always  [ __ ] right and we're always doing something this is a fantasy I understand that let's you know  can we be something else like hermaphrodites or sure fine or what is hermaphodite you're born 

with both genitalia let's just do that okay let's try that not not right now because we already did  this scene but if we're lover but the next I know but the next scene okay the problem let's not be  gay okay Fu good luck yeah we're we're brothers but we both happen to be Herm aidit and sometimes  we kiss yeah sometimes but that's just you know a family that's a family stuff that's yeah that's  like to say goodbye yeah we [ __ ] and kiss but that that's family stuff that's family stuff  that m

akes sense but for us to always say that we're gay I just feel like our leg it's not that  it's not that it's just because we're two guys that Host this and Rudy jwes is the resident  Queen of the Pod here yeah when when we're in a relationship on the but why are we Pirates you  know what I mean because we're gay guys oh yeah that's right and I'm going to have to say this  I thought to myself oh that guy I'll never be friends with that guy why when I initially saw  you why because I me just don'

t take this wrong and I'm not making fun of you well I'm not going  to say it then well say it cuz I want to take it the wrong way all right it's honestly when you if  just look at at my my point of view okay I don't know you right we've never met we've never met  I don't know anything about your personality I just can hear you talk how you interact with  people and your just general energy yeah is like negativity negative then why are you going  up negative right it's like um it's like it's lik

e when I first saw Bobby Slayton yeah I was  a big fan of Bobby Slayton and then once I got to meet him he's super sweet right but initially  for years I thought oh I'm never going to be able to cuz he's just got a he's but then once you  know me I see look at that face they doing once I got in there right then I'm like oh there's  small aspects of softness and warmth in his heart I think what it is is I'm I'm aggressive  I am aggressive I'm heavy yeah I come in heavy to start yeah but that's cu

z that's who I am I'm  I'm big you're authentically you when I first saw you you know what I thought I'm honest because  I was being honest so you honest no no joke I said that's that crazy guy that gets naked all the  time at the comedy store that's literally what I thought to myself that's that crazy guy that gets  naked at The Comedy Store when do I get naked what when do you get naked when do I get naked all the  time when all the time no no no don't look Google it don't Google it yeah becau

se you're GNA find  I could Google you and find some thing Andrew Santino naked naked just naked Okay images all right we got a blur that well yeah  you got to blur right there cuz that's boobs well that's that's on set of a show that I had my  penis W let me see that's me on set of I'm dying up here okay there we go you are naked no that's  on I don't give a [ __ ] you're naked it's on a TV show I'll show you now Google me then that's  a t you won find anything okay okay all right you won't fin

d anything and this won't be on a  TV show it'll if it's performing too it doesn't matter oh my God I won't find it the first eight  pictures are of you on stage performing the same thing as a TV show no yes performing this is  on Tom Green Show performing performing this is on at a radio station performing performing  Fabby Le naked on stage performing this is you at your house performing another performing but  I love how you say I don't get naked look at how many naked photos come up it's alm

ost insan  it's almost absurd how many come on there's you there's not that's just a white guy MH that's a  guy it's a gay male it says on stage that's not you that one right there what with the girl what  who's that I don't know oh that's with my um with ch with someone from Chelsea Lately no that's my  ex-girlfriend oh well then why'd you have me bring that up that was weird that was weird that you  did that why is that up there well it's just on the internet I'm just saying so much nudity yea

h  it's the same as yours it's all performance it's not like you when you say when people go he gets  mine was this your this okay this was unexpected that's look at Tom's green Tom Green's face this  is the difference mine was for a scene on a show that they asked me to be naked for you did this  voluntarily Tom Green look at Tom Green has no [ __ ] idea no [ __ ] idea you were G to get  naked not even and that to surprise the my bum is on your lips guy is [ __ ] mind-blowing the guy  who's to

wake up his parents and beat the [ __ ] out of them look at the shock on his face mind  blown you're a nudist I'm not saying it's it's wrong I'm saying you're a nudist whether you like  it or not you're a nudist you're an exhibitionist you enjoy being nude okay I so I said there's the  guy who gets naked at the comic store also that's fair also turn it off he's very funny turn it off  look at me turn it off the can't the viewers need to see [Laughter] that if there is an opportunity  that TI Bob

by could do something to a Manch he would H that sounds fair that's [ __ ] crazy that  sounds fair what but what gives you that idea I just feel it we got a little soothsayer over there  right so um she can feel the vibe I know because she I'll tell you what she's getting though it's  like I tell jokes around the house right like like we'll watch a movie like um Mad Max M you  know what I mean and then you remember the first scene in Mad Max where you see Tom Hardy's back  yeah right and he turn

s around and he has a liard in his mouth M right whenever he turns around I  goink you know what I mean I'll make that noise to get a laugh from the maybe that's a way of you  covering up your insecurity about it you could actually feel it and be weirded out by it and not  know how to address it let me tell you something you know who Tyler the Creator is the rapper yeah  of course okay when we work together on Punk this is before he kind of came out as I don't know I  think he's panexual means a

nything right is that what it is yeah yeah I don't know what he came  out as but whatever he used to come up to me all the time all constantly call me gay constantly he  like you gay ass you gay ass red [ __ ] every day yeah and be like I'm not gay I mean I don't care  but why do he keep saying it was and he would say that all the time to people and then years later  when it came I was like oh it's just because he loved playing with the idea because it was his  truth to call Gay say things were

gay and right because because he was cool that was in in him  somewhere so maybe it's in you somewhere well here's where I'll cuz maybe you Sayang boink is  comedy covering up for fact no it's not that man it's you heard it here on bad friends Bobby le  as by please submit to give me some of that bobo gmail.com not going to deny it yet but let's  explore it for a second okay I want to what I'm saying is is that like for instance right  if there was a guy a producer of a huge movie yeah right yea

h and you were going to get paid  that the role was 2 million you just knew that it was going to change your [ __ ] life and your  career I know where this is going right so what I'm asking is most guys would be like no wouldn't  suck that producer's dick for the job right would you Bobby Lee would you I would not you would  not you know what me either no yeah you would me either yeah you would me either see you have  to say it so loud because it's real no no yeah I know I'm not gay that's like

a 13-year-old  me either dude how about this yeah give me a scenario what if what if I told you you're in the  room with him and he said I want you to just kiss me I just like to be kissed on my penis but I  don't have to complete you oh like a oh like a just a on the tip like this oh I I'd even do I'd  even do this and I would even do this at the end right to the tip and do a lick and he says you  have to do that for 10 minutes a lick 10 minutes and then I'll give you the roll you have to kiss 

me on but I also want no like I'm eating a vagina but I'll do it on the tip of his penis right you  have to do that 10 minutes and he has to take a pictures well could I be laughing no you got to  take it serious cuz I would be laughing my head off and he wants to take one photo of it yeah it's  so funny because Kila kalila uh we were laughing at the this idea of like a sex scene with me and  some other male guy right in it and go no no no no no no there's no because there just certain  guys yo

u know I mean like for instance I talked to Joe Koy yesterday and I thought to myself if  I had to do you know a make out scene with Joe Hoy I just wouldn't be we would just be like we  can't do it you'd be laughing the whole time CU we would laugh so hard and then I and she goes what  about Santino and I go there is absolutely no way there's no way you wouldn't do a sex scene with  me I just it depends on the money okay all right so you're getting a million I'm getting a million  right I'll do

it no and then we both have to be literally naked on the set I'll do it no stop stop  we have to we don't have to you know do tongues we do open mouth as we're breaking out I'll do it  yeah yeah I'll do it for the sake of the comedy I know no it's not it's a drama I know but for the  a but afterwards it's comedy okay do you really literally think first of all if it's a one day if  it's they're shooting for one scene do you think you and I people are believable that you and I are  in love yeah th

ey could people at home think we're in love that's why we do this show but it would  be they would take it would take a week to get that scene done sure but we would be laughing so  hard but we'll get it yeah I'm GNA do it sign me up what' you wish for nothing good good well  you got it and you got it let her uh eat the spaghetti yeah you have to manifest something  man yeah you got to manifest friend manifest something man why don't you manifest a little bit  of friendship here in the United ju

st close your eyes right now and manifest something okay try  it again think we'll all think together for you okay okay okay what did you think friends  friends friends friends friends four of them that's it friends friends friends friends  friends five five that's good five friends mhm that's great let's hope you get a friend so it be  like the show Friends six people well five now I hear you know so bad at sounds that could be  anything [ __ ] I'm the next [ __ ] police academy War I'm Michael

Winslow dude they  hired me dude let me hear you do a garbage [Music] truck okay pretty good give me another one give me another one uh let me  hear you do something oh this one what's that you when you  come yes yeah how about how about this you drinking toilet water you lifting up a  lid and drinking toilet watering yes yes I get it so I'm good you're very good to who would you  trust more to babysit your baby Andrew or me well this is hard Andrew oh my God didn't even stall  can may I explor

e this please it's obvious yeah pretty much what is it what's the obvious part I  I'll I'll give you an example give me an example okay you wanted to have the dogs for one night  one night only yeah yeah and what and then what happened the dogs were taken care of no no what  happened there there was diarrhea all over the house dogs poo no no no diarrhea dogs don't just  diarrhea all over the house my dog poops outside okay and you and you texted me 8:00 a.m. to say  get them already like you wan

ted them gone a dog's on a baby yeah it's it's it's easier than a baby  may I ask you another question please okay I'm open okay I feel great okay thanks for the other  question I want to ask you is I have three cats do they seem fine self-sufficient you don't have  to do anything with cats do they seem fine well they got skinny and they seem more afraid so they  seem more afraid MH are you going to make me mad right now I'm just so I'm I'm fine I feel great  I feel good happy birthday happy bir

thday happy birthday youu why well my brief experience with  you and baby is they just get red up and you've never seen him with a baby yeah yes I I'm not  saying his if he wasn't with his wife alone yeah I for 24 hours he met my baby my baby was so  happy yeah you met his baby m how we had a little gut together right a baby thing a baby thing baby  thing I wasn't invited to the baby thing it's just because you're not good with babies you're  not good with babies God everyone's going to move so

so many other other sometime you're just  triggering me man every [ __ ] corner it's just you would come to the baby thing even if you were  invited you wouldn't come to the baby thing right okay would you have gone I'm sorry let me ask you  something well then we're Andrew okay we're doing it again tomorrow do you want okay yeah I'll be  there let let me I'm sorry Andrew let me ask you something let me ask you something Andrew all  right you invited me to your party was I not did I not show up

part is different than a baby I  show up to everything people invite me to there's no babies at my party his his baby thing is not  a party like a Baby Bash or it's just a hang out it's just to meet the baby or a shower what is the  shower shower okay ready I'm calling you right now hello hey Bob I'm going to go to this meet Fancy's  baby playing Starfield okay so you don't want to go what's going on we're just going to meet the  baby and say Hi and then leave what baby baby it's 9 months old wh

o's that the guy who works on  our show oh yeah okay he has a baby yeah but are you busy playing Starfield just said all right  man I'll talk to you later bye see that's what I mean you wouldn't go to the baby things um um  you know they have these things called Hedonism do you know what that is like it's Camp Hedonism  would you ever go to one of those where it's like a vacation I would [ __ ] party I would you would  yeah why don't we why don't we do it let's set you up yeah sign me up but is

there a catalog of what  they look like or no you don't know oh Rambo yeah it's like it's scramble you're getting what you  get right and then do you do you have to make love I think it's can I just show up and like eat  things look up Hedonism and see how much it is we can get Bobby over to heathenism can we get you to  do that do you think would you go on a little trip yeah if zoom zoom in on his dick yeah zoom on the  dick I got to tell you something yeah yeah pinch and spread Pete try I gott

a tell you that's that's  no bigger than yours buddy mine that's not bigger than yours it's not no so I'm saying shouldn't  you feel comfortable now I know but he's don't want to [ __ ] collaborate so he's going to go  hey what you follow me on this and then let's do videos together and the next thing I do I'm  doing sketches with this guy in of [ __ ] tree only fan sketch yeah I don't want to do that you  know me I can't say no in that environment so I'm oh yeah and I'm writing sketches you mea

n right  and then can my girlfriend do it right and then they're [ __ ] I'm not [ __ ] anybody and I'm like  the head Rider of their [ __ ] Hedonism sketch yeah yeah I don't want to do that do you remember  what Happ a bob he got stuck in a he's doing like sketches now full time he's a showrunner in [ __ ]  me yeah the things I was doing at 19 and all the history that I had before 19 what was 19 sophomore  in high school or I mean in college fresh freshman High School College college yeah I mean

I was wild  I mean I I was I was in college being a a [ __ ] Maniac but I was also um I mean okay by the time  you were 19 right let me ask you something yeah had you smoked weed yeah had you been drunk before  a thousand times cocaine no any LSD or anything acid mushrooms a lot right a lot of mushrooms I  only did acid twice yeah I did like by the time I was on i' had probably done 60 hits of acid that's  a I've only done two twice I've only two tabs u i did meth before at 19 never did meth an

d that's  obvious prostitutes I've had no yeah no sucked dicks didn't never did it never tried it I um you  got me beat yeah molested didn't happen no sorry so imagine now I look at then when I see n when  I see her every day yeah I think wow what a nice light she gets straight A's that's where innocent  came from yeah that's why I say innocent you know because you never had a drink of alcohol 19 I  did I tried to weed when did you try weed uh's face when when what last year with Roger what  rea

lly you smoked weed last year with Roger how much three did you get high no sometimes people  don't get High when they first time she didn't get high she didn't get high you took three hits  yeah three hits did you inhale it did you breathe in your lungs I don't think she did some people  don't inhale and then they're like I'm not high well you're not smoking it yeah I did Roger saw  me do you want to do it again yeah cuz I want to feel the high you want to feel the high oh you do  you know what

I you know can we get some weed fly in some weed you know what drug is acid because  acid's fun because for the first 45 minutes you don't feel anything right she like this drug like  the first time this drug sucks and then and then I mean I like when things gets pixelated on acid  when it becomes like kind of like Minecraft that's and a lot of people want to go to like people  always go like let's take AET and go into the desert NP or the forest I'm a mall guy yeah I  like going to the mall th

at's cool because I like seeing people's teeth you know what I mean  and walking around and it's just so [ __ ] I everything becomes like cartoony for me yeah see  I like that but then I saw a demon once in my room and I [ __ ] oh my god dude I was [ __ ] I had  this Duran Duran right poster in my room yeah of Rio you know that that one woman yes right bring  it up so people see what that looks like yeah so I was it had a bad trick I was sitting there and  all of a sudden the walls started closi

ng in on me I hate that right and then the Rio so dude  yeah so she's right I had that on my wall right and she was just like this right and she looks  so evil what she did she went and she came out of the [ __ ] poster poster and she was red with  [ __ ] wings and she was coming toward me and I was in the corner of my room no no my dad come in  hey what are you doing be quiet trying to sleep you I mean are you afraid of the real poster yeah  yeah yeah I one time I did mushrooms at a concert and

I came home and I thought that the mushrooms  were done like I was like these are done these are out of my body so I but I laid in bed and  I couldn't sleep like it my come down was just started to like it was just I was anxious and  shaky and I was like GH so I laid down on the floor right and I remember thinking to myself  just go to sleep just go to sleep it's okay you can just go go to sleep this this is over you're  going to be fine come on come on get go to sleep I did this for what I tho

ught was [ __ ] hours I  mean hours I had tossed and turnning tossed and turnning I put on a sweater I took off a sweater  I got cold I got too hot toss and turnning toss and turn and toss and turn and finally I I I lift  I stood up to go piss to go to my bathroom piss my mom who had saw me come in was still up cleaning  up in the kitchen yeah yeah she was like what are you doing I was like oh I just I can't sleep  she's like what do you mean I was like I've been tossing and turning all night ye

ah like you've  been home for 15 minutes and I was like oh in my mind I was like this has been all night I thought  it was hours had gone by yeah and I went and sat in the [ __ ] bathroom I sat on the toilet just  staring until my body finally got tired and then I went to bed it that sometimes the come down from  mushrooms I I don't enjoy acid's not like that but yeah acid kind of ends and then you feel a little  for the next whatever it's like it's like a meth come down what's meth I don't know

what those are  like three three days you can't eat or sleep just constantly and then when you come down on it it's  like the worst feeling man it's like you sleep for like 24 hours hours oh it's terrible you just  feel chemicals in your body how do you flush how do you get rid of any of that stuff Jo Good comic  he he just promoted a um there is a brand new app or program where you can it generates art you can  just ask at anything and it'll generate all this original [ __ ] artwork yeah that'

s DOI doly DOI  that's what called well there's a bunch there's imen Google has one but I think that's the one  I think that's the one how do you spell that I'm so scared right now d l d e yeah d l wait let me  finish this so this this dolly thing you so you have to sign up for them to be right like they  put you the the full Dolly version is in beta right now but they're going to put it out very  soon for like a monthly chart he was selected by one of these groups like you have to you put  your

name in the Hat to be like hey I want to be a part of the test group and he just got assigned  cuz he put it up on Instagram and was like yo ask me anything that's awesome and he all people every  [ __ ] image the creepiest part to me was someone would go um Darth thader eating soup right that's  a it's you can go a million ways the the visual of Darth ther eating soup changed so many different  formats and ways that yeah was like I don't know if a human could come up with this if they took  10

0 years Iceberg dude an image it was creepy as [ __ ] an image is just a series it's like a a  brick of pixels each pixel is a little square that has a numerical value of light to dark and red  green blue so to create every image possible to be generated is possible we just don't have the  computing power yet but with Quantum Computing around the corner I think that's going to exist  within the next 15 years or so just a giant database of literally every image so okay look a  text scroll down a

little bit down a little bit please look a storefront that has the word open ey  written on it that's it and then all these are all generated from a computer none of that is real  none of those pictures are real well I mean I'm sure you guys have seen the AI generated people  that now exist right that like ad companies use and stuff they're not real people but they look  photorealistic they are videos you can just type in what you want them to say and they're like  hello welcome to our company a

nd they're and they look like perfect mixed rist those are AIS  yeah those are all fake people and this is again T this is the wheel eventually there's going to be  a [ __ ] Ferrari you know we're we're just at the tip of the iceberg of this [ __ ] how come the  sex dolls still look so bad it's good they look so [ __ ] they look they always look there was a  man guy there was a guy that just got a divorce from his wife so he could marry his sex doll yeah  nice and she said it's because they made

it look too much like her like they sent in her photos  and he wanted her over the but she still looks like [ __ ] they don't look good yet how do we  have all this power they're going to look at this here there is this the guy he he married married  his robot SE Margo is that yeah that's it but but honestly they still look like [ __ ] you know why  I think it's still because there's there's still too much stigma over big fake tits and skinny  waist and big butt things male looking female looki

ng whatever kind of sex robot you might want  I think there's still too much stigma around this but eventually that's going to F that'll bleed  off it's like online dating you remember when online dating first [ __ ] happened and people  were like oh how'd you guys meet uh it was at a friends party right like nobody would say they met  online anywhere now it's the primary way everyone meets if I had a wedding and I was mirroring a  listen let's just listen all right the answer is yeah you would

come officiate I would officiate  everyone will come to that wedding would you make fun of me of course yeah whole point I'm an off  it's real love I know all right I don't want to be [ __ ] mocked at my own wedding I would make  fun of you if you married a human what would be the difference oh that's true yeah there'd be zero  difference you I I would invite you to my wedding would you would you guys mock me at my wedding  absolutely not yeah would you but deep down inide You' be like this is n

ot real will would you mock  him at his wedding uh yeah what I get you know I'd give you guys a gift of a a bunch of car batteries  or something that's mocking that's fun well because my wife loves that look look there there  there they are together yeah this guy this ain't real yeah oh yeah and he dresses her up which is  even more fun that's amazing so he goes shopping often for her clothes he's just going viral being  that guy is [ __ ] let's say I mean we don't know this man but let's say th

is man is happy doing  this he probably is what's [ __ ] wrong with him nothing at all I'm my comment was how they still  look kind of that still looks like a toy yeah sure why can't we make it look real real I mean I think  that's coming but also this kind of an aesthetic is its own thing I mean if you look at like what's  going on right now with Gen Z and all is that what you're saying like he prefers a physical doll  the most realistic sex doll going to be fuing things that look like anime ch

aracters unicorns  and whatever you know luur want looks pretty real I guess yeah the answer for impersonal sex is not  uh in you know crude rubber you know robots and stuff that's not where we're headed as Chad will  tell you it's the metaverse so you know you wear you put on your Oculus right and you put something  on your penis right the thing and I think what do they call it when it touches back haptic feedback  haptic feedback the best kind of haptic feedback is what you do is you you uh I

like to grab the  ass well this my my solution my solution uh would have that for you and all you have to do is put  on the Oculus and then um you know insert yourself uh into a sexual partner now hold on a second you  keep the Oculus on but you have sex with a person and then you know you can kind of believe whatever  that is as a matter of fact it would probably help a lot of marriages let's put our Oculus on who  are you having sex with well you don't ask you don't you just you let them then

it's like we're  both having our fantasy that right and the Oculus is like this past week an experiment was just  done with the first AR contact lens so instead of wearing like Google Glass or whatever you just  put in contacts and I get full heads up display of everybody's vital stats over here yeah and that  eventually is going to become VR that contact will be you can switch between AR and VR now Chad can  I ask you is this gay let me ask you something's gay right I don't know why you're aski

ng me this  is my favorite segment of bad friends every [ __ ] week so if I have the little thing on my penis  right and the haptic you don't insert it into your urethra it's something that goes around your P I  understand that I'm not going to stick it inside my body you just said I stick it on my penis on it  not in it sorry right not it doesn't go on the tip unless that's penis around the penis right and I  have the thing on my head right but I asked Chad can I touch your ass would that be co

nsidered gay  um why is he in the room what I'm asking a favor like I'm a ass gu I like his ass I'm not gay but  I want to do the I'm I'm going to you know what I mean I'm making I'm making love to you know  what I mean okay I'm one of your best friends that hurts I would not do you why cuz you would  laugh I would yeah you're I would hear you laugh okay how about this if I put tape over my mouth  and I and I promis I wouldn't laugh the only way I would let you grabb my ass while you were in VR 

is if you weren't jerking off at the same I don't want you tugging and grabbing my ass no I'm not  touching your dick I have the haptic on my penis and you're grabbing my ass and yeah and I have the  thing so I'm making love to a woman in the [ __ ] thing I think that's fine I'll let you do that no  but I'll tell you why I wouldn't use you because I would feel like I was going to being rushed what  do you mean I just feel like you have [ __ ] to do I got stuff going on yeah yeah and and I feel 

like after like 10 minutes I'd be like I just feel like he he has an audition you know mean it  would like be in my head it would me up he would finish why what do you something about him he  I would finish you would stand there cuz you're a nice guy you would stand there let me finish  I'll let you finish well he would probably come over to set it up for you cuz he knows all that  geeky stuff but Andrew would be with them because they're doing shrooms together that's right yeah  and then and t

hen Chad's on the other side of the room you know going trying to set up your your  [ __ ] haptic penis uh urethra insertion and and you'd be grabbing Andrew's ass in the it is if you  get it wrong that's right yeah that you only got six episodes out of what was the one that you  were on you know it was Animal Practice no no no no that wasn't that one too though right  but that was on the call sheet it was like monkey he's talking about the J Fisher show the  J Fisher show that's the one Bobby w

as acting his ass off in that show though can I tell you  something we watched I watched a couple episodes that too and I I was actually very happy of what  you did on the show and can I say this right now yeah I don't live with you right we don't live  together that's correct we're friends we just see each other every once a while we work together  whether or right yeah people that have lived with me haven't seen anything you got something to say  for yourself yeah you paying for your own phone

bill yet I'm just curious no okay who's paying  for that you how much is it a month I don't even know because it could be a million dollars I would  [ __ ] pay it why don't you watch Bobby stuff is what we're curious I've seen the first episode of  splitting up together all right have you seen any matad TV episodes no what's splitting up together  that was the show oh that was what it was called yeah oh I forgot the name of that show I saw it  when you played but you know what though I saw when

you [ __ ] you that was good but in Bobby's  defense though I don't always like watching stuff with people that we know no it's true you know  I watched one episode of Whitney and almost blew my head off yeah but you you don't like sitcoms  anyway exactly but it was like but even undatable and that's another one that I just like but a  cable show if your friend was on a cable show you'd watch itct yeah cable show watch or single  cam yeah yeah yeah cuz the first time I actually started talking

to you was you were on that I  liked Mixology yeah you know I read for he did read for that was very funny they actually asked  me if I knew you but can I tell you why did you [ __ ] on them they literally were like do you  know and I I I didn't actually read I showed up right and a guy next to me said you know who else  is reading for this I go who and he said Andrew Santino and I left it's not true yes we were not  out for the same role I left yes it was for that role and I left the audition s

o that you can get  it mhm congratulations that's the F but this so funny he says that because like we were we I  would always see you in our audition rooms and I'd be like and if we're if we're going for the  same part I'm like they don't know what they want we did it often me him Ian Edwards one time me him  and Ian Edwards in the same [ __ ] they don't know what's one thing we have in common comedy guy guys  comedy guys yeah they wanted nothing else yeah but we looked at each other like well

this character  doesn't really ex they don't know what they want so when I so when we in in I'm dying up here um  test yeah and I see you and then I know I'm not going for the same role that's when it was like  ah this is great we were mean we knew we had it there was two two other people in the room and  we knew we had it they were so nervous because they weren't they probably weren't comedians right  no they were actors yeah yeah yeah they were both like like like highly regarded New York thea

ter  actors yeah cuz if I was in the lobby and I was a theater actor and it was for a standup and I saw  any one of you guys come in yeah leave I would probably leave see I would leave that that same  it's the same if it was opposite if I'm trying to break into a category like Broadway or something  that I don't and I see one of the best in of I'm out I'm not going to go up against that [ __ ]  dude when I'm on this other show in New York and I talk to there's a guy that I work with that's  a Br

oadway actor so much TMZ on you by the way I see [ __ ] videos every day of you with s Sarah  Jessica Parker it's getting old yeah some people tag me in it all the [ __ ] sick it looks like a  fetish but I'm not sure who has the fetish her or you that's a good one that's a really good what  did you say Doc oh sah Jessica I was asking Sarah Jessica Parker from six in the city thank you  Doc's like a weird 411 operator I just try from a different country in another country not even  the same state

this is what Google used to be that's what I represent I represent Italy and all  the people that's that's Ask Jeeves that's not I look like a je too you know it gives you because  it gives you the wrong answers so stupid yeah no but I I just it's something weird about I don't  know it's like when you know people it's like it's rare that you see your when you see your friend  doing something unless unless it's something that they they they really transform sometimes it's  hard to like or if it'

s their personal show if they made the show that's what it's hard I don't  like looking at that you know you go ah this is just people I know and it's kind of weird but  then like you know Mark Marrin I like I like seeing him you know on on on like he's on things  yeah glow or even the Joker Jer was was great he's playing this guy and you just go but part of that  is you just go ah look at him cuz it's Mark yeah yeah yeah when it comes to his Su I tell this to  them all the time when a guy like

that succeeds I'm 100% so supportive because he went through  hell yeah I mean he's been around for so [ __ ] long and it's like a lot of these guys you look  at some of these guys they they never got their due he's gotten his due for a long time now I know  but he's one of the lucky ones you look at other guys that just never get it from his generation  from his generation it's like it's like most of those guys quit they're not around anymore well  they went into something else a lot of people

directing producing that kind of stuff yeah they  got smart yeah they got the [ __ ] out of stand up yeah no [ __ ] yeah because as a dormant I saw  back in the '90s when I was a dormant at the store guys we don't even we never see anymore but it's  like what do these people do yeah think of the people that you went to do you were doing open  mics with I think about this all the time man I to go hey what happened to this guy what happened  to that guy you ever tried to find him on Facebook or no

man cuz then they going to be you know I  just I don't know I mean it didn't work out cuz what would you say yeah what would I even say hey  I'm killing it what's doing he's like well I'm a investor in a food truck only only point I would  I don't know you ever want to run into your ex like a XX that like Did You Wrong and then while  you're doing well yeah you're doing well yeah I mean that's that's what we're doing here that's  true that's this whole thing oh well look who just showed up wait

a minute Bob yeah a half an hour  late it's unbelievable 3:30 it's 4:00 and she's going to blame it on me she's going to blame it  on me anybody was all her fault Andre I said four what did you yeah oh no you want to talk about  let's talk about family then go ahead I mean I guess maybe the momentum's lost I don't know well  why' you try to go back well I think she [ __ ] it up who Rudy yeah walking in late but it sounds  right that's what she does all right that's right you know here's my thin

g well let's do it real  fast before we show this okay Rudy how do you feel about the way you were raised were you happy um I  don't know well your dad abandoned you yeah yeah but I get it what do you mean no I I understand  that I mean you look at her and you're like it's hard to stay I can't like my dad he left um Kila  which one ginna oh I love ginna ramen no not Ramen no hamburgers do you have a offshoot hamburger oh  they do yeah cheese were delicious wow cool yeah they put some omami sauce

on it gin cheeseburgers  yeah it's delicious actually the the ramen PL the ramen was good was it good yeah but anyway who um  can I finish my story bad mood a bad mood I'm not in a bad how am I in a bad mood I could tell in  your eyes I can tell with your eyes what's going on you just sleep well you know me well I know  what's going on I haven't been getting any sleep yeah you look tired and just like on the edge I'm  having night sweats oh and I think it's because of the vaccine I'm being seri

ous night sweats night  sweats I looked it up it's part of it oh night sweats and one of my testicles disappears into my  body in the middle of the night it'll go up into my body that's happened to me and I'll have to go  and it'll come that happened to me all my life it just disappears it's just gone it's never been  there which one right or left both of them are just tucked inside my [ __ ] dick do you know how  they feel like they're on strings I feel like at it just crawls up the string at n

ight and it lets  go sometimes yeah but it feels so strange in my body how many how many wrinkles do you have on my  nuts yeah it's the it's I mean it's my nuts are so wrinkled you can't I can't count how could you I  counted 362 362 mine looks like a brain it's just like rolls like sea yeah mine's bad mine's like uh  is your stretchy I call it Dune cuz there's like a little ja Snee snakes you know that little Monster  little snake comes out yeah too many people asked about you that's all I want

to say it was annoying  and and then everyone was like tell us what school she's going to go to and it's I said we're going  to reveal it on the show yeah yeah just wait till we get to we're going to reveal it do you want to  reveal it we haven't decided yet haven't decided yet anyway so we were at the restaurant can I  finish my Jia story or what yeah thank you bad mood um I'm not in a bad mood I could tell already  I love it Andre am I in a bad mood absolutely yeah yeah go ahead so um we were

at Ginia and K goes  you know what um Juliana that's her real name yeah Rudy Rudy Rudy Juliana yeah Rudy Juliana um  you should have a waiting job and I go please oh that'd be cool I'll tell you why I'll tell you  why because you have your way to tables dude I've done everything I did busing I did serving I did  hosting I did dishwashing yeah you slammed right yeah for like an eight hour shift I mean you're  just you know especially at a busy restaurant you know you get a section right as a wai

ter  yeah and it's like ketchup here Tabasco here I got an order coming up here I said tomato they  want their check and you're running around in a circle for eight hour like losing like a Mania  yeah what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] you know what I mean and then at the end of the day you get  $90 maybe maybe maybe maybe right this ungrateful little TW I I I don't right she she but you sit  here you yawn yeah she right you say three things like I agree Andrew or whatever yeah and then  sometimes

out of know she'll go the Jews like crazy too far but my point is is that I want her  to have a waiting job yeah you need one so that she can just realize how is how lucky she is all  right well let's do it right now I'm a customer we my my husband and I just sat down to eat and why  don't you serve us yeah hello hello hi do you have any specials yes we have the apple cider salad  oh you love apple cider salad cider salad I've love it you love Apple CID salad have it in France  that's your favor

ite yeah I love how they pigment you mean the lettuce they dip it right they dip  it in the the apple cider 24 hours is delicious is that a real salad that's an Autumn chopped  apple cider salad yeah yeah what else do you have a salad for uh we have the Caritas Caritas I  love Carnitas what does that come with tacos oh so you get you get tacos get tacos with the Carnitas  what kind of tacos so do you get Carnitas just a plate of Carnitas and Tacos two things you get  tacos and Caritas wow wow al

l right what's how much is that $13 both things that's we could pry  reasonable actually we could split that so we'll split we'll split the apple cider salad and then  we'll also split the carnus and the tacos the tacos anything else on the uh the special menu uh  do you want drinks yeah what do you have what do you have to offer we don't we're not really into  we're a couple obviously yeah and her him I like gays what she said I like gays I know but and you  know what that's so we're fine with

that you're lucky we're fine with that yeah but generally  it's like if we were a black couple right you could you shouldn't say I love blacks right even  if you do and that's fine that you do but you just don't go I like blacks internally you can  feel that but to outwardly say that we're cool with the gay comment though how can I show that  I like you just be nice to us yeah just be nice and cuz we're normal we regular people right so um  don't treat us any different so you have we what do tho

se two things so in terms of drinks we're  not into sugar right now we're on sug cutting sugar right our and so water well it said well we  want to fancy it up cuz this isn't what is this restaurant called again this is uh what menu yeah  was it um to toas oh toas toas I love toas this is a chain right yeah a great chain they started  in El Paso there was two in El Paso and then one in Albuquerque and then I think that's why they  came here where we are now in Southern California so delicious we

ll so here at to noas do you have  anything else to drink that wouldn't be water yeah look um we have something similar to water which  which is what which is what um um um spray water oh Spring Water spring water here how fancy that's  cool we do like that's really we love Spring Water we'll take it a bucket of that we'll take a bucket  of buck of Spring Water please okay and uh do you have any desserts we actually might we like to  order dessert when we're ordering the whole meal yeah we let i

t on the table to look at what's  coming what's coming to give us a reward yeah we just have chocolate pot pie a chocolate pot  pie perfect perfect um it just seems like a lot of sugar we are cutting out sugar we're cutting  out sugar but desserts are full of sugars well we've been to plenty of restaurants that don't  have sugary desserts that be something light you have anything lighter than a chocolate pot pie and  what's in the chocolate is it let me ask you can I ask you question hot chocola

te inside know what is  it a chicken pop pie so it's basically the crust of a pie of P inside it's just pure chocolate  chocolate melted chocolate sometimes the chef will give you a surprise and put potatoes and  oh yeah oh like they do that winning combination of potatoes and chocolate that everybody stries  for yeah yeah potato chocolate Okay um well list listen that's fine do you have something lighter  cuz look he's not but I'm on a diet and I'd like to shed some pounds and that's why he agr

eed to  do the sugar thing with me which was sweet of well I mean just cuz you like gay um he is literally  the the bottom you I mean he's the bottom so he doesn't really need to lose the weight we like  to call it the first layer I'm the first layer I'm the first layer so I I just would like to  lose a little bit of weight okay so what else do you have that's lighter dessert wise salad ice  cream ah salad ice cream just salad with ice cream on top yeah what flavor ice cream is on top yeah  stra

wberry ah strawberry salad ice cream it's a it's let me ask you this so it's a lettuce cup  and you scoop ice cream into it yeah it tastes good you know there it is there's that salad ice  cream that you like so much like so much well okay I guess we'll take those items we'll take those  items thank you okay and now we're done we're done now okay ready and can we have the check  please here you go ah thank you very much whoa what excuse me $425 well how how could we have we  got literally a sala

d carnus tacos and we got the and the ice cream salad this spring water is oh  oh here we go you ordered a bucket yeah we did yeah of spring water so a bucket let me ask you  so a bucket of spring water at this restaurant is $129 13555 it says right there 13555 wow I guess  and where's this water from from Mount Everest oh that explains it that explains it wow I wish you  told us that up front we probably would order got the regular water maybe you said you wanted  fancy we did want fancy yeah i

t just okay I don't the one thing I don't like on here you know  sometimes servers will sign their name they'll write like thanks Margot with like a heart in it  right yeah this one says thanks you gays I know why I tried to repass that but look I it's fine  that you feel that way and that you're cool with us but you know listen we I'll be honest with you  we're not we just didn't realize that Tiana was it t toas are so expensive and we only have $430 yes  so we're we're going to leave you whate

ver the tip whatever the just whatever changes left over is  that okay is that okay it's fine I support Gaye Just you know what can I talk to your manager  honey honey honey honey honey I want to talk to your no because that's the third time she and  let's call let's not talk to the manag we'll just call corporate okay that's fine we'll call  corporate I just want to say something sweetie sweetie you just you crossed the line that's  the first time the first time right was okay we were going to

let that pass then you threw one  in there you know what I mean in the middle in the middle of everything right and now to add a third  one is offensive not necessary I was just saying it's fine no let's talk to the manager let's talk  to the manager please ah here he is now there she is there is there any problem here's the manager  now oh there he is any problems yeah yeah your waiter mentioned you know we we we mentioned that  we were a gay couple oh wow we support gays in this restaurant we

get it we understand we know  that comes from the top it comes from the top I know you can feel it trickle down trickle trickle  down racism homophobia yeah all right so sir she multiple times during our meal had mentioned that  she liked gays which we understand that's a cool that's fine we like that but I don't think she  needs to bring up our sexuality during the dinner also I just was a side note why is spring water  $125 that should have been my first question yeah that should have been it

comes from M Everest  right well I guess that's that I guess that's that that makes sense anyway so and then so she  threw in a gay bomb you mean in the middle three times and the third one was a little offensive oh  I'm so sorry Rudy Jules can I talk to you for a second okay you don't tell them that you like  them you just like smile and that's it that's right you know well you said to express love Yeah  but uh with a smile you know good service that's it right okay okay okay is there a is ther

e like  a gay discount that you guys might have to make up for some of the what you just did like do  are we we do have a gay discount 20% off if you can prove that you're gay you know can I  just say something if you can prove oh I you want us to prove that we're gay can you imagine  this restaurant can you imagine this restaurant you have to prove your by the way I imagine in  a restaurant a couple walking a a couple sitting down andjoy and Rudy comes up and just goes I love  gays oh I remembe

r another time he got beat up too the wood hills beat you up too Scott woodill yeah  yeah yeah yeah yeah Scott Wood he'll beat you up in front of Denny's do you remember that that  story Bob what happened I don't remember that one beat him up you're running your mouth in front  of Denny's and Woodhill pop you yeah I just um you know the Derek I remember the Derek one because I  remember not being able to sleep for like 6 months after that oh God I remember like just the way  that news just went

around going to school God I was just like you [ __ ] nerd you're in band and  you swim you know I me like swimming is a right and he's like and I've been doing it for years  like just picking on this kid he was a good kid I know I know and one he just goes all right buddy  you I mean 4:30 a bully the yard I was a bully the yard you know what I mean we knew where the yard  was right 4:30 and I go you [ __ ] little [ __ ] spit on him right yeah he was a bully man I show  up at the yard and I'm li

ke yeah this guy's not gonna you know what I mean and I walk up and the  next thing I know I'm just blacked out I mean I just was I walked up to him and he he hit in the  face Andrew and out the whole school's there out and I remember like being out the whole school  knew I was like swinging at the air like I was out of breath right and he was just beating the  [ __ ] out of me I was slapping my arms like this it was so embarrassing and then just blood all  over my face and I hear yeah my mom in

the car crawling crawling to the [ __ ] god crawling to  the [ __ ] car knock on wood yeah yeah yeah yeah imagine imagine your mom went because she wanted  to see the Derek Oliver say it say it you hold hold up first of all if you want me to tell you  the story he's going to look like a fool okay okay I'm going to say this okay he's look at  his face already if he tell okay if he tells a story we're going to have a very big problem  why okay all right I don't want to look make him look like a f

ool but on let him tell the story  who cares Bobby you told the story about when he lost that state he had to start drinking  and using drugs it's only fair flapping your arms it's embarrassing all right tell them what  happened that was the okay you know I told you you know hold up Andrew you know how I told  you that story of how proud I was during that wrestling match well this fight made me feel  the opposite so there's this these kids I was friends with his younger brother there's this  hou

sehold Derek Oliver which was his age and David Oliver I was friends with David they had  a fight I don't know how it progressed to this fight they're like meet me at the the yard above  where I live at what time like 4:30 after school yeah yeah right and everyone shows up everyone  shows up and he he just got his ass kicked he was getting pounded my mom had to save him so thank  God for my mom my mom happened to drive by and see the kids and she goes yeah you know like it  was embarrassing I wa

s just like oh my God Bobby what went wrong what did you do in the fight  that was such a was such a [ __ ] up I didn't think that he would fu oh yeah you were this is  the reason why this is the this is why you can't judge a book by its cover cuz Oliver was he wore  Speedos and was on the diving team and he was in band he beat your ass up [ __ ] you I told you  not to tell the story he smoked you you smoked your ass just came home from school how was school  boring what did you do this past wee

kend she met a boy again huh you met a boy remember you said  you met a Filipino boy in your class said hello to you oh yeah yeah a Filipino boy said hi to  me yeah and he was cute did you guys exchange information no I forgot to ask big time yeah but  she goes well he's in my class so you'll see him you see him today yeah yeah what's his name I  don't know that's good so you're hitting it off wa wait so you met him you said yeah so how did  that hi I'm someone in your class I don't want to know

your name you're just somebody in my class  too he asked for my name so how did you meet him he just goes nice shoes and he just walked by no  he asked like are you Filipino and I said yeah [ __ ] and then then you go I'm Juliana that's  what human beings do RAC time out he just said are you Filipino you said yes and then that was  it no and then he asked if I speak Tagalog and I said no I speak another dialect and then he said  oh that's cool and I said okay [ __ ] it must be so weird being yo

ur age what a weird what is  that that's it that's what happened yeah but it was I liked it you like the interaction  yeah that seems awful she's been alone for a long time yeah really you've been trapped  up I mean that's very strange should just go do you hey hi do you speak my language I speak  a different one okay bye yeah what the [ __ ] not like hey yeah we should yeah we should hang  out hang out or whatever he should do that you could do it too I can't why why I'm too shy yeah  that is p

robably true yeah I mean but anyway um so if I walked up to you and asked you are you  Philipino we would call the cop he he's like if I walked up to you looked up at you and I was  like mess up with you girl is it aad thing like if I do it like is it okay just like because  of age it's you but you look like Michael B Jordan is that fine okay goodshit goe would you  substitute I'm I'm sexy go ahead this Michael be shorty no but like if if another person  of another race came and asked you was yo

ur Filipino would it bother you no  oh he's saying it's a racist like say a black dude came up was like hey are you  Filipino no that's not going to bother you okay I thought it was racist just to up to an  agent person and just guess well if you go like