previously on high fantasy I am a tiefling paladin um his name is
Astaroth uh brought to the table uh gentleman by the name of uh Ballraq Crazy Horse muh
muh my shirona that's yeah my my personal possessions brought to the table are a small
glass smoking pipe of considerable thickness obviously created by a master Craftsman and a
substantial bag of smoking flower of the highest quality yeah follow that up with an enchanted
flint and steel that throws spark under any condition you find yours
elf surrounded with all
these dead and starting to Decay trees there's this large Cottage you enter through the forest
and you can see on the floor there's streaks of blood leading into the next room as if something
had been dragged at some point recently you see that there's several people gathered around
here this felt elf is coming up behind you and he mutters again about whether or not
somebody's been bit you make a JY hop as you go towards the other side of the house and
you see in th
is sitting room the the family uh with the husband backing away and just screaming
he's like no no God damn it no oh God no as the little boy has now sunk his teeth and Claws into
the mother I'm going to I'm going to LEAP across the room and RAM my shortsword directly into the
top of the skull of the little boy oh [ __ ] bro oh boy I will have you go ahead and roll
D20 real quick no buddy you didn't think there was any Sav in him huh uh let's see here
hold the 19 what am I what do my modifi
er all so we were just trying to see if you could
even hit this guy and you totally got it in there because I I was too slow and he was too
preoccupied with eating his own mother so you just come up and you just slam your sword
down this kid just Falls forward with the sword just like thrusting through the back of
its head and then just drops down [ __ ] hey blade and the dad immediately shoots across
the wall at you sweet that's a 12 what's your AC again blade is it 12 uh your armor class
12 you got so this [ __ ] douchebag dad hits you with a freaking crossbow Ballraq no you're
high dude you can totally withstand the pain of that I'm a giant [ __ ] Goliath yeah you
take two points of piercing damage just the crossbow just kind of glances off your thigh
your Skin's pretty thick but you got a little scratch so as as Astaroth now being in the same
room realizes that the father is now a threat he turns to protect his friend Bull rock the mighty
Bull rock and he rushes towards
him pulling out his sword and setting it a flame as he swings
fiercely through man just cut him down cut [ __ ] dude it's the second time yeah okay he's a threat
[ __ ] oh oh oh it was weird that bull Rock just [ __ ] uh uh deepthroated a kid with a [ __ ]
with a spear but but when big old bad Astaroth comes through and [ __ ] smites a guy with a sword
who's who's attacking his friend oh now it's now it's bad okay fine we'll for go the rules for one
more second so you have to roll to attack
this guy then and see if you can actually hit this little
boy or this little man I want to [ __ ] get him for you bu Rock 16 okay yes that definitely hits
now then you have to roll damage for your weapon okay 19 math is hard math oh damage 19 I said
yeah I'm supposed to use the R20 again right or whatever the D20 nope which which one
am I supposed to use what kind of weapon are you using uh my main sword I have a sword
and shield combo okay so your main sword is hold on you're using a long
sword so it's 1
d8 + 2 so the d8 is like the pyramid that's ass to ass one the one that's kind of spiky
okay it's like a yeah almost looks like the thing from inception yep yeah okay got it K
trap all right what about this now so it's one d8 so you roll that and then add two
and that's your proficiency modifier okay that's a six so eight uh yeah this is
just a guy and you just strike him down just oops he was a threat bro he was a threat
yeah I mean that's fine Kyle let me get away with m
urdering his child I mean granted the
kid was noshing on the mom and so Derek has protected me from this smallish man and his
glancing blow crossbow bolt uh I've regained my composure and retriev my sword from the now
collapsed skull of this zombie boy and uh if I can uh bring my the the mother you pull it suck
you going to clean it off I haven't even had a chance to yet the mother's carcass is there next
to she's sputtering [Laughter] just would it be a uh too much to ask to to drive the h
eel of
my Goliath foot through the skull of the woman on the floor as well Jesus Christ for Mercy
right she's dead already Dereck for Merc I'm doing I'm protecting us now that I have a handle
on the situation Merc I understand that she was just dispatched by her zombie boy you just Cuda
grow with your Steel toes and just just like IM out a gra on a cantaloupe with hiking Goose
on oh [ __ ] disgusting animal so you guys just murdered this family single-handedly
there's blood and viscera all
over this fireplace it's not murder this is
self-preservation man that's self-preservation there was the zombie element was real Derek
sliced down the only man who I'm not sure was a threat crossbow he shot that's the second time
he shot at us but also the second time he really didn't do any damage so yeah but you know like
okay fool me once shame on how the [ __ ] did he get his crossbow back anyways did I just like in
my stoniness leave it laying around after dude you got some good bud m
an that that clock out at like
30% I you were frying did you did you take that crossbow with you cuz otherwise I probably just
left it on the floor but he went back and grabbed it when I was browned out probably but either way
uh so you guys cleared the room as it were and you head back into the main foyer and uh you see here
now that half work is pacing back and forth um with a less fever Tempo and the girl is actually
nowhere to be found in this [Music] room can we hear the guy upstairs s
till chanting more nipple
twisting uh he's not really chanting more or less just like making mouth sounds and just like you
know focusing and cabbage cabbage cabbage he's summoning the well I thought that his spell was
keeping the zombies away but they were just in the other room so I'm not so sure that it's working
or that that guy is doing so hot so you're going to go check on him what do you think asro I'd say
it's a it's a smart play I think it's a smart play we're still investigating w
e're there's there's a
lot of unknown so go for it so we've got the once fevered Dollard wanding around wandering around
on the main floor who's now wandering around more subdued we just had a zombie encounter in the
other room so Asal stay down here with the dard I'm going to run up and check on the magician guy
104 boss you barge in the door to find a grizzly scene again streaks of blood spray across these
books open pages torn and flowing in the wind as you can see that also the window t
hat once was
above and looking down across the back of the house was broken open grass spade out into the uh
out into just the open air and you can see that down below that young half elf seems to have his
throat slit and has been tossed through the window nobody else is in the room nobody else is in the
room can I look out the window and do I notice like any obvious like signs of people coming
or going besides the dude that was pitched out the window uh there's a couple if you get your UV
light oh you you can probably see where there some of the people have been coming but then otherwise
the goings have been pretty good how are you uh there's actually a lot of activity now that the
uh holy [ __ ] thanks for staying at a mar host in there's the encroaching zombies are coming
a bit more quickly now that there's not anybody casting anything all right so somebody in the
house killed this dude and threw him out the window while we were [ __ ] around in the other
room with the zo
mbie family Derrick was murdering humans listen here bud um I saved you okay let's
get that straight I [ __ ] saved sa you dudee that scratch could have turned into something
worse my friend thank you Astro appreciate it not a problem home well can I gather up the uh
the research materials and Stow them away in my backpack yeah there's a good amount of books I
mean you if you wanted to just grab random stuff you can feel free to like stack a couple weird
uh Undead ritual books let's say you
get some of those go ahead and grab some books about Undead
rituals is the is the spell or whatever that he was using to keep the zombies at Bay there uh
go ahead and roll an Arcana check 14 so 15 um you're fairly certain it is but you can't tell
which one so there's there's quite a bit that you could grab from there's loose Pages or like
full books all right well I'm going to gra I'm going to grab up what I think is helpful spells
and stuff them into my backpack just in case we need them
and uh seeing that there doesn't appear
to be any easy way into that room via the window I don't expect that I have to be too concerned over
the horde out in the yard coming in through the window at this time I don't see anything else of
value around the room no this look it looks like a library so either it's been thrown out on the
desk or is just like random messed information I mean it could be good it could be just literature
you could get you know Life and Times of Charlie Rose no I'm
not interested in the max 20 biography
a couple of those there you go that's not bad it's not bad maybe like nice coffee table books or or
perhaps like some old Kelvin and Hobs pictures of cat Bol very nice very nice that's good reading
material when you're I'm going to jog back down the stairs then and rejoin ASO in the main room
with this bumbling dard astroth hasn't uh trusted this this simpleton this this d uh gentleman
with a sword and he wants to know uh what kind of knowledge he has
of what's going on so being
in the same room as him and Bull rock astroth tries to uh do a zone of Truth to to get more
information truthful information out of the dard idiot with a sword okay so that means everybody
in the zone has to make a saving throw correct Derek correct yeah I got it okay well I rolled
an 18 and my modifier is zero okay yeah you're you passed way ahead of that I'm sure oh yeah
13 you blew it up so the guy's just like yeah you know I just I I've been trying to keep an
eye out and everybody's in their room and then that girl the bloody girl just keeps on going
back and forth between all the rooms okay so he really doesn't have any more information than we
do on the situation he's just he's just basically checking out rooms to self-preservation you know
looking out for Numero Uno and uh he he probably just found himself in the the the the large cabin
just just the same as we did just a just a shitty situation outside is that is that kind of what
astroth
and B Rock are gathering you get that yeah he's just kind of trying to keep an eye
on what's going on but he basically said that everybody's staying put except for the bloody
girl where did she go yeah I ball Rock I think it's time to to locate this uh this girl with
all this blood on her that is not hers M cuz for one she's making a mess in the house I mean
dude there's there's probably nice [ __ ] Decor in the house and she's being a [ __ ] and getting
it all bloody uh two I just don't tr
ust her she seems like the one that is most suspect at this
point so I think we need to get a lock on that Bo rock all right okay you lead the way as you turn
around you see that she is actually standing at the giant cuckoo clock wooden carved thing in the
center of the room and she's fiddling around with some strange controls like buttons or something on
the front she has a little compartment opened up and pushed to the [Laughter] side uhoh that don't
see seemed good be right back beer bre
ak did he really just leave yeah just walked off what are
you going to do you're playing for both of you now and I'm wondering like what aso's uh intimidation
modifier is plus five damn mine's only plus two it's because he's like a devil Kai if I were to
play for both of us I would have his silly ass run over there real quick and grab her and demand
with the most intimidating growl and explanation for her actions so astroth kind of slipped out
he was pissing in the corner of the room real q
uick so so blade brought up a good point of
you're he he thinks you should be the one to like run up and be like what are you doing here
what's going on and what was your good point to suggest that your dude is more intimidating than
mine oh my intimidation is better than yours yes yeah I did uh I did actually go into that that's a
good sign of a Palin okay I'll play your I'll play your silly game asteroth approaches the girl next
to the cuckoo clock you know he he he realizes that she's re
gaining more um motor functions and
she's a little more of a threat at this point and she's just really a wild card so as he approaches
her demanding to know you know what she is doing with the clock he has his shield uh drawn in
front of her to create a barrier between the two as he he's he's he's on he's on the defense
he doesn't trust her um what she's doing is very suspect and he he's demanding an answer from
her okay uh everybody you want to roll a D20 for initiative God damn it is it
is it just me or does
the little Derek's little icon doesn't it kind of look like yeah it's like an art it almost looks
like an uncircumcised penis wearing a very ornate thimble are are you racist against teing like
a lot of forkin FL dude pushed out of the you heard it first blade from the stay-at-home order
is a tling racist very cool very cool that's going to be on T TMC now uh the the the the the [ __ ]
proud race that you're calling an uncircumcised seen um you'll you'll probably be ge
tting canceled
for that there's a lot of teelings that listen to us so you I think just made Enemy Number One you
did it already you did it to yourself whatever you say [ __ ] Kyle what were you uh were we
rolling for initiative cuz we're going to fight I'm fighting you all right I didn't roll so hot
if I'm being honest what is your roll a four oh ouch yeah that might not be good so hopefully
you you save the day I rolled a 15 there we go so as you come on to this lady you meet eyes
and he
r arms are raised up and as you reach for her wrist you see very in a a wave like fashion
her skin turns very scaly and black almost oily as it reaches up and uh kind of consumes her
body you see her once brown eyes are now this pale yellow and her mouth and other features just
kind of blend into this weird oily mass as this humanoid creature is just reaching back towards
you and you just feel this very hostile stance as it just gets ready to slam into you this [ __ ]
got Co mhm 100% this [
__ ] got Co uhoh okay so this this is what we should have killed in the
beginning yeah prably much this is yeah I think we [ __ ] up by slaughtering that family well the
little boy I think he deserved it [Applause] but all right thing grabs your arm Derek and
then just smashes his other hand into you and you take eight points of bludgeoning
damage that's a hit dude it follows up by taking its hand again and rearing back
and then it just slams right into your rib [Applause] cage uh you feel
a glance off the
armor and you are able to take a breath for a quick second blade you're up what do you want
to try to do to this thing where am I at right now with regards to HP you're full I think you're
only a couple down you're full 29 right yeah no I thought I took two on the glancing Blow from the
yeah right yep that's true I just wanted to make sure that I was up to date okay cuz I'm trying
to follow along on my sheet here all right so uh where I'm I'm standing here next to him and
I've just witnessed ASO basically taking a take a she just got like attacked a couple of times
and you're like hey not cool bro and he's what now staggered and has stepped back from this
chick or they're like at arms like they're pretty much standing side by side right now do I
have like a clear line of sight or is he standing between the two of us you could s side step and
make an easy attack of you know shooting or even melee yeah well I'm I'm wondering if if I'm if
I have a clear shot i
f I could if I could volley a shot with my bow at at this creature's face oh
yeah go for it you'll make a range weapon attack so so 12 no the arrow shoots right by him and you
see this creature just strangely with this alien look glance over your direction that distracted
enough at least for it to take its hands off as yeah they're not like grappled or anything
asaroth is up next all right it's just looking at me is it approaching me it's just looking at
you hasn't moved all right aroth you
r move all right so so asth um okay so he took eight damage
and he's got 25 total hit points so he's still doing all right right he's he's functional
yeah he's fine okay he's fine so depending on how her I was I was going to step back and
see if I should heal myself or not um no I mean you're you're fine you're more than half okay
so then what he is going to do since there is still a threat in front of them and the um the
evil entity or whatever it is is uh kind of uh paused for a second he
's going to try to actually
attack as well he's going to try to do a searing Smite yep which is a melee weapon attack okay
okay go ahead and roll for attack there buddy what's that what's that yeah what's that extra
flavor though like is it like you have some sort of advantage on something or uh the next time
you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack during the Spells duration your weapon play
white high intensity the tech deals an extra 1d6 fire damage to the Target and caus is the
ta
rget to Night In Flames oh excellent all right rolling [ __ ] all right God damn it blade
we're not doing so hot seven nope sorry guys [ __ ] fortunately that Axel is hanging out
with you guys and he just like holy smokes a ghost and he takes a swing at it and you
see him just like lightly gash into its arm a light squeal the creature takes the hit and he
stares around very defensively as the three of you start to kind of surround this guy thank God
for Axel Rose so we can hurt it this dude
this dude tagged it with his with his ax you said
with his poker yeah he he took it down he has like a simitar uh next is the creature and the
next thing you know he lunges at Axel and gets into this grappling stance where they're just
kind of in a tussle and there's these flashes of color and you see this melding in weird
shapes as they push apart and then standing before you you see two axles what there's two of
these bumbling guys now oh [ __ ] so it like it shape shifted into axle wait
what it shape shift
it correct am I correct it basically in a tussle it seemed to shape shift into axle so one of
them is the real axle and one of them is the monster yep you have two identical looking half
Works in front of you [ __ ] blade I can take the res on this if you would like ball rocket you
are up I got something for this so let's see here so we've got now we've got and I can't tell
which is which any anymore right nope they are IND discernible there's a sword the sword got
dro
pped on the floor so you can just see that there one sword and they look identical as far
as other equipment you're like oh my goodness are uh Derek are we astroth are we what are we
worried about uh keeping this dude happy or are we trying to just get rid of them well so I'm
coming from my background I'm here to protect uh you know the less fortunate and and uh you
know I'm I'm here to Smite the wicked so this guy's helping us he's done nothing wrong I I feel
like I can't just take him dow
n in good conscious like I I we we we got to figure out which one we
yeah we can't just slay them both right in the interest of moving things along we have to right
right trying to figure out which one is the real one now Axel's helped our yeah he's helped us man
we need to we need to make this right he would do the same for us all right well let me see here
take a quick peek at my equipment half ORS like pretty big and strong or are these guys kind of
weener he's like six foot 200 PB like
Derek then so not a terrible not a terrible thre uh I'm
going to reach into my you [ __ ] you dumb [ __ ] all right go ahead do you want you want to
get a handle on this situation Derek and and uh I have some rope in my pack we can tie these things
up if if you want to try to tie them up I don't hate that idea I think let's do that just out of
the interest of keeping ourselves safe let's we quick tie these can we keep summer safe can we
do a quick tie quick tie up here dungeon master hog ti
e these [ __ ] um you know you've got this
this moment where you can kind of tell that this creature's trying to stay Incognito um I think
it's interesting yeah tie them two together hog time yeah however you just tie these guys up
I would tie them up and put them in separate corners of the room yeah that's that's as tie
them up separate from one another but so that they can't like you know if they're tied up
they they present less of a threat to us we can figure out you know CU he's dead I
really just
wanted to slaughter them both because I could I could I could have used the H breaker if they're
standing that close to each other and I could have shouldn't have became you shouldn't have became
homies with a Palin man you really [ __ ] up there all right I'll smoke weed but I won't kill
the innocent it's it's kind of so you get them tied up and they're separated in each corner of
this room and you find a few things on the center of the floor after this tussle there was axel
sword that you clearly saw him use originally the uh the remnants of the like a chunk of Flesh
from this creature it seems like there's a nice sliver that was cut off during the the Kur fuffle
and there's also this weird wooden key that seems to have a strange pattern almost uh cubular and
it is just carved like handcarved at the end it almost seems like it's the same wood as the clock
well suppose I'll retrieve that key the thing was [ __ ] with a clock and uh scoop now that I've got
them
both tied up I suppose I could recheck them and uh I recall now that the that the creature
was wounded and I'm looking for any obvious sign of like damage on the skin of these two beings
did we actually wound it did yeah cuz axle struck the creature and made it Yelp remember oh yep
our boy Axel he did okay do we see any uh blood or any kind of Gore that would indicate which
of these two beings is actually the monster go ahead and do an investigation check both of you if
you're going to be g
lancing down these people D20 yeah dude I am not helpful right now five oh
bad rolls bro just as bad that's six they are indiscernable damn it perfect idiot well I just
exhausted my turn so it is your turn I got this if you want me to take the rein on this and and
correct me here Bull rock has the key that he found correct correct and we don't yet know the
use of it correct okay astroth looks at uh both of the um you know the the double axles tied up
and uh in each corner of the room he ste
ps back and tries to once again detect the evil in the
room to see what area of the room it's actually located in so he tries to once again detect the
the evil signatures from the creature in Disguise interestingly enough you do not sense any evil
from this creature almost as if his actions were being controlled by something else W [ __ ] MH
well I mean what are you guys thinking you got this key yeah I'm thinking we need to check the
check the clock out and see uh if there's any you do go
ahead you do SE the you feel the Inc roing
evil and the undead presence outside of the house though what her [ __ ] boy upstairs ain't keeping
him at Bay Fu did you check out he's dead bro he's dead oh oh that's right he got th he was the
guy with the whole thing and the the death okay yeah that was six hours ago Dude aroth might have
caught some of those [ __ ] Vapors from the [ __ ] they smoked and he's feeling a little fun funny at
this moment Constitution man it's weak all right so wher
e are we at here uh I say so me personally
let's I'm going to jog over to that that clock that's exactly what I was just going to say you
march over to the clock and you see the small compartment that the at the one point girl had
opened there's a strange compartment beyond that that seems to be Cub cubular tubular tubular real
kular it's it's got a strange opening that matches this strange key that you found on the ground
I'm going to put the key in kach chunk the turns and the whole front
of the clock rotates inward
exposing an entrance to a platform yeah we do you want to check it out together or do you want me to
watch these two no man let's I mean they're tied up up let's walk through the entrance okay I'm
with you the two of you walk on to this platform seeing that in the center of it is a column
with a singular button we're going to push it [Music] right yeah all right so we're
on an elevator and the button probably activates it then I'm going with that yeah what do yo
u think astroth
yep and the walls spring spikes that button and see what he won Greg it's a new car I'm introducing the AMC Eagle I'm down
to push the button because didn't you have a t didn't you have a Talon Eric I mean I do
have many talents Talon oh Talon oh like the car oh yeah yeah I did tal yes yeah you
didal you had a Talon yeah yeah you did
Comments
This episode had me in stitches! HAhahah