An example of inconsistent response to a baby's distress. Find out more at:
http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article?contentid=739&language=English
Developing Attachment: Inconsistent Response to a Baby's Distress
This is a sample from a full dvd called "A Simple Gift: Comforting Your Baby"
which is available to purchase at: http://www.imhpromotion.ca/Resources/SimpleGift.aspx
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This video does not constitute medical advice, and is not meant to be used or relied upon by anyone without additional guidance and supervision from a qualified physician. Do not perform the procedures described in this video unless your child's physician has reviewed this video and provides you with specific instructions and directions about performing these procedures.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Parents often react inconsistently to their baby's distress. Sometimes they can be loving.
Other times they are angry, and at other times they may ask their child to worry about them.
Watch this mother's response to her child's cries. "Stop that! I don't want you to do that. Stop it!"
Here's another example, "Come here, honey. You scared me. I thought something terrible had happened. Come here now. Mommy was just so scared. You make mommy feel better. Give mommy a hug. Make mommy feel better."
As you can see, once when this baby hurt himself, his mother got angry. And another time the mother got more upset than the baby.
"You scared me. I thought something terrible had happened." By doing that, whether she meant to or not, the message the mom gave her baby was that her own needs were more important than her baby's.
These babies stopped going to their parents for comfort because they don't want to upset their parents. It's important to remember it's not up to a baby to meet a parent's needs, it's the other way around. It's up to you to meet your baby's needs. A child who gets a loving response only some of the time, has to work very hard, often by clinging and whining to get their mother's attention. They don't know what to expect from the parent and are not sure how to get love and affection. They can become very demanding.
In the long-term, children who are unsure about themselves, and their parents, are likely to have problems getting along with other people. Here's another way this mother could have responded to her child.
"Shhh." [mother rocking child] See how this time the mum focuses on the baby's needs. See how she paid attention to her baby. Calmly picked him up, held him close, and reassured him. She responded to her child on a loving way, and a baby whose parent responds in this loving way, learns that he can count on his parent to be there when he needs her. Babies, whose mothers respond in a loving way, learn to trust that their needs will be respected and valued. And they in turn learn to respect and value other people's needs.
In other words, they can go on to form good, close relationships with their parents and with others.
对一个婴儿的忧伤回应不一致的例子 父母经常对他们的婴儿的忧伤反应不一致。 有时，他们可能是关爱的; 其它时候，他们则是愤怒的; 并且其它时候， 他们可能让他们的孩子为他们着想。 观看这位母亲对她的孩子哭的回应： 母亲："别哭了！ 我不希望你这样做！别再哭了！" 下面是另一个例子： 妈妈："你知道吗宝贝，你使我害怕; 我还以为发生了什么可怕的事情了呢。 过来。现在妈妈很害怕。 让妈妈感觉好些， 给妈妈一个拥抱， 让妈妈感觉更好。" 正如你所看到的，一旦这个婴儿使自己受伤时他的母亲生气; 另外，母亲比婴儿更感到不安。 "你知道吗宝贝，你使我害怕; 我还以为发生了什么可怕的事情了呢。" 通过这样做，不论这是否是她的本意， 妈妈给她的婴儿的信息是 她自己的需要比她的婴儿需要更重要。 这些婴儿会停止从他们的父母那里寻求安慰， 因为他们不想使他们的父母心烦。 重要的是要记住 不是由一个婴儿来满足家长的需要。 应该是反过来。 是由你来满足你的宝宝的需求。 对于必须非常努力才能得到一个充满爱的回应， 经常粘着妈妈和发牢骚才能得到母亲注意力的孩子。 他们不知道从父母那里期望什么， 而且不知道如何得到爱和
关爱。 他们可能变得很苛刻。 从长远来看， 对他们自己和的父母不能确定的儿童 可能与其他人相处有困难。 这里是母亲可以回答她的孩子的另一种方式。 母亲："没关系。" 看这次妈妈如何注重于婴儿的需要。 看她如何注意婴儿; 冷静地把他抱起来，把他抱紧，并安慰他。 她以一个充满爱的方式回应了她的孩子。 如果父母以这样的爱的方式回应婴儿，婴儿将会 学到当他需要妈妈时， 他可以依靠他的父母。 如果母亲以一个充满爱的方式回应婴儿，婴儿将会 学会相信自己的需要将得到尊重和重视。 他们反过来，学会尊重和重视别人的需要。 换句话说，他们可以继续与父母、与他人发展良好、密切的关系。
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