Doctor ER Reacts to Family Guy Medical Scenes | Compilation

(engine revving) Oh, some sort of... Oh! Man! - No, I'm not all right! - That was horrible. Holy cow. Whatever he ran over, it shot out of the lawnmower straight into Quagmire's head. Horrible. It's good at least he's pushing pressure on it. - Take your hand away. - Oh, it's stuck in there. Ah! Okay. Don't pull it out. Okay, don't pull it out! Make sure that you go to the hospital right away. 'Cause if you pull it out and you've severed something or you've punctured something, and now you remove

it, it could get even worse. Let a doctor remove it in a setting that an emergency then can be taken care of if it gets even worse. - Oh my God, a piece of your brain came out. - Oh my gosh. Don't do that. - Maybe it's not so bad. I can feed it to my pet zombie. (laughs) - Well, I guess brain is tasty to pet zombies but that's horrible. Don't pull anything out that is impaled into your body. Go to the closest emergency department right away. Stabilize whatever is impaled in your body. So if it'

s this huge fence or a big stick, stabilize it so it's not bending all over the place as well. Moral of the story, do not pull any impaled object out of your body. Even if your friends try to convince you. All right, number two clip. - Mrs. Griffin, it's a good thing you brought this child in. - Why, is he okay? - I'm afraid he's very sick. In fact, his lab work shows he's suffering from Hodgkin's lymphoma. - Oh no. - Are you saying Scotty has cancer? - I don't know, I didn't read the whole Wiki

pedia entry- (record scratch) - Okay. Hold on. Okay. We'll talk about Hodgkin's lymphoma in a moment. But when the doctor says he looked it up on Wikipedia, I think you want to turn and run in the other direction. Wikipedia is not a medical source. Yes, we look things up on medical sites. Not Wikipedia, that anybody can add information to. (coughs) That's horrible! Doctors never do this. Oh my gosh, he backed away and has a tip jar there. This is absurd and non-professional. - Do you have any id

ea how expensive medical school is? - No, I don't. - Well, it's probably pretty expensive. - Oh my gosh. Okay. Let's break this down for a second. Hodgkin's lymphoma and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma has to do with a type of cancer relating to your lymph nodes. The white blood cells of your body are being made inappropriately and it is type of cancer. You'd have different therapies that you do. Radiation and chemotherapy. Most of them are treatable and people do really well. But then, this doctor goes

into describing his medical school debt. Yes. After 12 years of education and schooling doctors have a lot of student debt but never in my career have I ever heard or seen of a doctor pulling out a tip jar. That's horrible. Let's check out video clip number three. - My stomach, I think my hernia ruptured. - Oh my God. - It's bad. (laughing) - A hernia ruptured? We get patients in the emergency department all the time that are worried that the hernia is gonna rupture and burst. Typically, the her

nia won't rupture and burst. It'll actually get closed off and tightens. And we actually have to try to push this back in. And we actually end up putting it back in, majority of the time in the ER, by just deep, hard compression to that area. And eventually the body just sucks the intestines back into the abdomen. - No, she can't. Thanks to you, I don't have insurance anymore. - What are we going to do? I'll get the gun. - That's a real concern when people don't have insurance, they don't go to

the emergency department for emergencies. Don't ever do that. Please come to the emergency department even if you don't have insurance, or you're an unknown status of insurance, okay? - Just look it up on your phone or something. - Ugh, hold on, I've got to update iOS. (laughing) Okay, okay. Got it. It says I have to make an incision inside the hernia sac. - Oh my gosh. - And then suture the abdominal lining. How am I supposed to do that? - Grab my tool belt. - Okay. Do not perform home surgerie

s, okay? This is hilarious. But if it is incarcerated or strangulated, the hernia itself, that is actually when you do have emergency surgery that is performed by a surgeon where they actually do the incision, they pull the intestines back through that hole, and then close that defect. Most of the time they actually use a piece of mesh, and then they have to close back the skin. But let's check this out. - Sharpening linoleum blade. (Brian screams) And then hold the incision open with a vice gri

p and use the slip joint pliers to get the muscle back in position. (laughing) - Okay. Okay. - Okay. This is pretty good. He's doing it without any anesthesia. I do not recommend that. - Now it's saying I have to suture it. I've got some monofilament line you can use. It's from aisle eight, above the chains and cables. - Monofilament lines? - Actually, that's pretty impressive. - I've gotta say, Brian- - Monofilament lines, slip joint pliers. That's pretty impressive, right? Even Stewie says it'

s impressive. But monofilament line, like, we use different types of nylon type materials or even dissolving materials that are different sizes like that. But we definitely use some sterile, you know, tools and sterile fields and all that stuff so we can prevent infections. - It seems like you really did learn something- - His bloody hand. - I guess I did. But please, stitch me up. Just be careful and take your time. This is the delicate part, because- - Yeah, I'm gonna just use the staple gun.

(laughs) - Okay. The staple gun. We actually do use a medical stapler in the emergency department, and sometimes during surgeries. But this one is hilarious. Pretty much, that was really good and pretty accurate. I just wouldn't do it in the home of the Family Guy setting. Obviously we need a sterile field, but even more obviously, probably a child shouldn't be operating on their own dog. So, hernias is when an organ pushes through an area that it shouldn't. Typically, the most common is, like,

your intestines, where the small intestines pushes through, and, like, your groin, through the muscle wall and it's protruding out. Increases the risk of having an injury to that tissue by decreasing blood flow. So you need to put it back in. Otherwise, if it's left out too long, decreased blood flow causes ischemia or dead tissue to that area, and it needs to be operated on. All right, clip number four. - Excuse me. - Looks like the pharmacy setting. - I have been waiting for my prescription fo

r 25 minutes. - Oh, I'm really sorry, Ms. Dumont. We'll have that filled for you right away. Guys, what the hell is going on back there? Remember, each pill has to go into the correct bottle. - Eh, this ain't so hard. (laughs) - Oh, Nelly. Okay. Oh... What? I don't think they're watching anything that they're doing. (laughing) Okay. This scene takes place at a pharmacy. Sometimes pharmacies take a long time to process your medications. They have to count it out, make sure it's going in the right

bottle, right label. In this setting, they're just getting random pills on a conveyor belt. Going through different bottles and just putting in and... They can't keep up, so instead they're just trying to eat it all. Bad idea. Could be mixing different types of medications and can have very serious consequences. It is not like this in a normal pharmacy. Things are set out appropriately, very sterile and clean. And they're counting them with specific devices and making sure that the label is mat

ched up with the medication and the appropriate number so the patient gets exactly what is on the outside of the bottle. Let's check out video clip number five. - Thank God. I really dodged a bullet there. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. - Eh, everybody makes mistakes. Even doctors. - Happens. (splats) Oh! (laughs) I'm sorry for laughing. Wasn't expecting that. Yes, doctors make mistakes, but I've never seen a doctor blow up a patient. Typically, those are the paddles that we use for

defibrillation and CPR, or when somebody's heart is in a funky rhythm that we need to shock it out of. It is very controlled. And the only thing that we really, really worry about is making sure the patient doesn't feel any pain and that nobody else is touching the patient, because if somebody is touching the patient or the bed that electrical charge energy can actually be transferred to somebody who's still touching either the patient or the bed. But, I've done this procedure many times and I'v

e never had a patient explode on me yet. (tone) - What are you doing, Peter? - I'm making my own Red Bull. Lois can't stop me from experiencing - Oh jeez, oh jeez. - the manic highs and lows my body demands. - Whoa, whoa, hang on. You're adding kerosene? - Oh my gosh, I love the ingredients. - Peter. That's insane. - Yep. - That'll destroy your body. - Kerosene is fuel. - No. - Red Bull is fuel. - No. - Kerosene is Red Bull. - Oh my gosh. - Why don't you leave me alone while I'm doing my importa

nt work. - It's going to explode. - Peter that drink will kill you. - Brian, whatever kills me makes me stronger. - So, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Not whatever kills you, but stronger. - See Brian, I feel great. - Oh geez, oh! - Peter, Peter, are you alive? - So kerosene is a type of oil. Don't use things that say, like, toxic, or have like the skull and crossbones on it, or have used for external use only. Do not ingest these things. There's specific reasons why. - Dr. Hartma

n, please tell me is my husband going to be all right? - Ah, Cancun actually, thanks for asking. Just got back. - What? - And I'm afraid all those toxic chemicals, your husband ingested from his homemade energy drink, have caused total kidney failure. - Yep. - Oh my god, kidney failure. - Some different types of things that you can ingest can cause kidney failure, such as antifreeze is one of them. People will drink that cause there's an alcohol component to it, but it can actually clog up your

kidneys and cause renal failure. Just don't ingest anything that you shouldn't. Kidney failure, different things can actually erode your esophagus, and your stomach, and your lining. Cause gastrointestinal bleeding. - Well is he going to be okay? - Well yes and no. We'll put them on a kidney transplant list. - Whoa. - But that could take months. Until a donor is found, he's going to have to undergo dialysis treatments three times a week. - Dialysis? - Yep. - Is there any other way? - Yes, there

is. - Whoa! - No, no, no, no, no, no. - We'll do the dialysis. - We need our kidneys to function to get all the toxins out of our body. We then will say, okay, you need hemodialysis, which is what everybody refers to as dialysis, where you get a big IV line in, and literally it's taking your blood out of your body, into a machine, cleaning it up, so to speak, and then putting it back in. People have to sit maybe four hours a day, three times a week, to have this done so they can function. - Thre

e weeks later. - Hey doc, I'm here for my dialysis. - Oh, have a seat Peter. Let's get you hooked up. - Doc, I don't know how much more I can take, its been three weeks. - I know, I saw the caption. (laughing) - I'm just going crazy just sitting here for so long. - Oh, I know it's tough, but maybe there's something I can do to make it easier. Here, play with this bucket of after birth. - Oh my gosh. So, after birth is another word for the placenta, that's disgusting. And he's picking it up with

his bare hands. That's a horrible, but yes. Dialysis can be very boring, but it's necessity because if the electrolytes go haywire actually can kill somebody. - Oh my God. That shark's attacking quagmire! - I think its got him by the wiener. (laughing) - Oh, that's horrible. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That's horrible. All right, shark attacks are a thing. All bandaged up. Okay. - Doc give it to us straight. - What'd they do? - What's going on with our friend? Well, Mr. Griffin, there's no easy way

to put this. So I'm just going to come right out and say it. He's black. - Not that friend, Quagmire. - What? - Oh my God. I don't know, that's horrible. - Okay. But you're going to have to learn to live without a penis. Or will you? - Oh, that's so messed up. That is so messed up. - That is kind of rad. - Your gift is inside. - Oh my gosh. What is this? (laughing) - Is that your? - Yes. Glenn. It's my penis. - Oh my gosh. - After my surgery, I kept it in my freezer. I want you to have it. - The

likelihood that this organ is viable is probably zero to zero, but it's a nice gesture. People actually do this all the time with kidneys never really heard for a penis. - I'm so nervous for Quagmire. - I know, but it's nice that they served hot dogs for the surgery. - There it is. Give me that. - Oh my gosh. Just stole the doctors food. There we go. So urologists would specifically be doing this. - Nurse you put it on there. I'm not gay. - Oh my gosh. That's horrible. Anatomy is anatomy, physi

cians don't ever say that. We look at everything from an anatomy, anatomical viewpoint. - The operation was a success. Congratulations Quagmire. - Thanks guys. - All right. He had a successful re plantation of his penis. Hopefully it works. Usually after surgery like that, you'll probably have a full catheter in place. That way you can drain fluid out, AKA urine, and that way there's no issues having to urinate. - Okay, heart sounds good. All right, Mr. Griffin, I'm just going to need you to dro

p your pants and we'll check your prostate. - Uh, what? - Drop your pants, turn around, and lean forward. - Um, okay. - Again, he's not wearing a hospital gown. So we need to do that. Dropping your pants to do a prostate exam. It's just so blunt. I think the easiest way, the nicest way for a patient, unfortunately, it's that maybe lie them on their side, cover them with like a sheet or a blanket, and only expose the buttocks and do the procedure. The whole procedure is not comfortable. - So, how

's this work? You just feel my pulse. Or, Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! (laughing) - The prostate sits right next to the rectum. Just below the bladder. We're looking to do a screening test to see if there's any lumps, abnormal growth, those sorts of things up the prostate. So we can detect prostate cancer early. So you do a digital rectal exam. You use a gloved hand, and you actually talk the patient through it, because if the patient is fighting against you, it's a muscle. So you can't get in. There's no sn

eak attacks when it comes to a prostate exam. - Mr. Griffin, that's a prostate exam. - Shut up. You had your finger in my ass! - That's how a prostate exam is performed. Now if you'll just let me. - Get away from me! - Oh my gosh. (crying) - That's not funny, but it's funny. - What happened? - I was raped. - Ahaha.. what? - Look at his wife laughing at him. - He took my innocence. - Hah what? - Peter, that's a prostate exam. It's an important part of a physical for men your age. - You sound just

like him. - It is true. If you don't know what you're getting into, if you don't know the reason why or what the procedure is, you might actually feel like you were being violated. But a doctor's job is to explain what we're doing and why we're doing it. A patient can always refuse a procedure, or a test, anything that we do understanding the reason why we're doing it, the risks and the benefits of doing the procedure. - So what can I do for you, Mr. Swanson? - Doc, I can't take it anymore. I w

ant to walk again. I'll do whatever it takes. - Well, there is a highly experimental new procedure. It's essentially a leg transplant. - What? That's cool. - Sign a waiver. I think I may be able to help you. - He's paralyzed, right? His legs don't work. A leg transplant wont specifically work. So if he had a spinal cord injury, putting on a new set of legs, the information to the legs is still in error. It's not going to work. Hopefully we're going to move into the future where we could potentia

lly have these new neuro connectivity to previously paralyzed parts of our body that can then work. That'd be really cool and awesome. - We'll select the legs most suited to your body from our inventory of donors. (laughing) - I love it. I love it. Okay. There you go. Nice. I love the different options. At least you could see what the future holds. - Ah good choice. These are the only ones we have in stock. That aren't hilarious. - I'll take them. All right, Doc, I trust ya. - Good. Now I'll jus

t pop in the how to video and we'll get started. - What? - Hi, I'm Jamie Farr. - You never want to hear that before you're going down. So typically when you're going for surgery, you will be given medications in the IV, but you never want to hear a doctor say, let me just go look it up on a video, or I've never done this before. This is my first time. You don't want to hear that, every doctor needs to be trained appropriately for the procedures that they do. Like myself. I've been trained specif

ically for the procedures that I do in the emergency department. If I'm not credentialed to do something I shouldn't be able to do it and I shouldn't do it. - And you're about to perform leg surgery. - Oh, no. Let's see what happens. - He's been in there an awful long time. I hope everything's all right. - I'm assuming it's going to take a long, long time. - The new Joe Swanson. - Oh my gosh. Whoa. I see the light. Look at him! He's standing proud and walking. - Well, what do you think? (excited

overlapped talking) - They still got that new leg smell. - I put his old legs in a bag if you want them. - Oh that's messed up. That's messed up. First off. It's a miracle that, that happened, again with spinal cord injuries. The limbs are not the problem. It's the connection to the limbs. But the fact that they saved his legs and give it to him. I don't even know if you can request that. (tone) - Stay. Sorry, I couldn't find a sitter. - Okay, wait a second. So there are actually dogs that can

go into the hospital. They're basically like a companion dog that somebody has to have. They can actually sometimes be admitted to a hospital. Sometimes, depends on your hospital. - You all have the flu. But luckily you got here in time. - Doc, this is very important. How long before she can make dinner again? - (laughing) That's messed up. - Peter, you appear to have a very strong immune system. - Sometimes people will be around a lot of sick individuals and not get sick. I, for myself, right,

being that I'm an emergency room doctor, always around people who are sick, and I very rarely ever get sick. - Anyway, this flu season has decimated the hospital and were severely short staffed. How would you like to be a male nurse? - Do I get those green pajama clothes all day? - Yes. - Yes. - I'll do it. - So he's gonna be a male nurse without any training. - Give me 20 cc's of Music Factory. (Jordan laughing) Clear. ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ - Again, clear. ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ - These are

your defibrillator paddles, okay? Most hospitals nowadays actually have electrode pads that just stick to the chest instead of panels. But some places still have the paddles. And if somebody is in cardiac arrest, there's pulses, and they have a rhythm that is shockable. You don't shock everybody. Typically there's only two rhythms that you shock. VTech or VFib when they're pulseless and unconscious. So he did three shocks in a row. That is actually an old protocol that's not used anymore. Typica

lly it's one shock, CPR for two minutes, recheck a rhythm. And then also, typically you're using epinephrin at the same time, every two to three minutes. - Lois, I weigh the same 293 pounds today that I weighed in grade school. - You can actually weigh the same amount, but actually have more subcutaneous fat, right? 'Cause fat and muscle weigh different. So you can be 293 pounds of all muscle, but you can also be obese because of the amount of subcutaneous fat that you have, and even organ fat t

hat you have. - Perhaps it's this lump on the side of your neck, sir. - Oh my gosh. It's kind of really lateral on the side of his neck. So it could be like an aneurysm. It could be a mass. Could be cancer, could be a lipoma, which is a fatty tumor. - We gotta go see Dr. Hartman right away. I think it might be a tumor. - Okay, let's have a look. Oh yes. It appears you have a subcutaneous vestigial twin growing on your neck. - There are things called teratomas that are remnants of hair and teeth

that are found in the body, typically in the abdomens. But it could be somewhere else in other tissue. But this weird twin that's growing out his neck, unlikely. - Hi, everybody! (Jordan laughing) - What the hell is that? - Oh my God, it's a little me! - (laughs) That is awesome. Okay, I've never seen this in real life. You would never just go in and just cut this open. You would probably end up starting with a couple of different images. You might do an ultrasound. You might do a CT. And then f

or soft tissue things, you'd get an MRI. An x-ray's probably useless in this situation. And then once you determine what it is, you may want to open it up and see what potentially is on the inside. - The fertilization device is complete. This will impregnate me with a child that will bring Brian and me back together. (Jordan laughing) First I add Brian's hair and saliva. - Hair and saliva, good, right? It's got some DNA that you can extrapolate somebody's DNA from. - Yeah, you watch me, bitch. -

(laughs) Gosh. (suspenseful music) What? You can't just inject straight into the abdomen. There's no place then for the baby to develop. It needs to be inside a womb. And what the womb is is the uterus, and typically a uterus is an organ that is a genetically made woman. Probably, unlikely, this young boy doesn't have a uterus. I don't know if he does or not, but genetically he shouldn't. - Oh my God, that thing's positive. Is Lois pregnant again? What have you done? - I think you mean, what ha

ve we done? Brian, we're pregnant. - Oh my gosh. - Oh my God! - The urine pregnancy test tests for beta HCG or HCG, which is human chorionic gonadotropin hormone. It's actually, most of the time released by the placenta. It could also be released by the pituitary gland, colon, liver. 'Cause sometimes a man can actually test positive in a pregnancy test, but it typically doesn't have to do with pregnancy. It could be a concern for like a different type of cancer. Not too far fetched that Stewie c

an potentially test positive on a urine pregnancy test. - You look ridiculous like that. - (laughs) Oh, that's ridiculous. - Not too ridiculous for you to put a baby in me. - Okay, Reylene, I'm Dr. Hartman. - Let's see where this actually goes, 'cause Stewie doesn't have the female genitalia. - Your vagina seems to have a penis and two testicles. - (laughs) There you go. - Oh right, I sneezed real hard and all that came out. (Jordan laughing) - Oh, that explains it. - He sneezed really hard. It

doesn't typically work that way. - Could you do that thing where you take some fluid and tell me if it's going to be an imbecile or a cretin? - (laughs) There's actually procedures that the doctors can do, amniocentesis, to identify things earlier. Typically they do these to make sure that genetically the baby is okay, that there was not any inborn errors that they would be concerned about, any chromosomal errors, that sort of stuff. There's always a potential risk of causing a miscarriage or in

fection when you do these procedures, but very, very low, and people typically do them. - Oh my God, what's happening to him? - Heart attack. - I'm having a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack. You oughta know by now. - (laughs) Somebody who's having a heart attack and then they become unconscious, you need to check for a pulse. Heart attack typically means you're having a blocked coronary blood vessel. Cardiac arrest, meaning arrest, no movement, so the heart has stopped. That's when you need to d

o CPR. - Oh my God, is my father gonna be okay, Dr. House? - He's in a coma, Mrs. Griffin. And listening to the sound of your voice, I'd say he's the lucky one. - This is Dr. House. So if you guys want me to react to Dr. House, let me know which episodes, which shows that you want me to react to. - Dr. House. If you're gonna save this patient, you'll need this. - Get this thing out of my sight! (glass crashing) (Jordan laughing) - Okay, so you know Dr. House, have you ever seen any of his shows?

He just does things the way that he wants to do. - My methods are a little unorthodox, Mr. Griffin. I think I can help. (Jordan laughing) - What are you doing? - My job. Sometimes people fake being in a coma. This man's not. - (laughs) Okay, that's funny. We do get a lot of people that actually fake being in comas or fake seizures, but it actually is part of our exam. There's something called the Glasgow coma scale, and one of it has to do with response to pain. Eyes are closed and you're like,

oh, are they just totally unresponsive? You typically do something called a sternal rub where you actually rub your hand onto the sternum. It hurts a lot. You can push on the nail bed. That hurts a lot. So there's little different areas that cause a lot of pain. - What you talking about, Phyllis? - Oh, oh, oh! - Ah, gross, he's getting his nose period. - Peter's references to nose period is totally inappropriate. People could potentially die from a nosebleed because the nosebleed occurs in two

different areas of the nose. One's in the front, it's the septum, which is called the Kiesselbach's plexus. And the other one is actually a major blood vessel in the back, and if that is open and bleeding, you can actually bleed out, 'cause it's so hard to know where the bleeding is coming from, and it's hard to get the bleeding to stop. To stop the nose bleed, pinch the nose, lean forward. Don't put your nose back. Other we use, there's a type of Afrin is a name brand, but phenylephrine up the

nose. It's a spray to constrict the blood vessels. You can actually still use liquid cocaine. There's liquid cocaine at the hospital, but it's not anything that you would think. - I'm sorry to inform you that Brian has a brain tumor. - Oh no! You can have tumor in the brain or actually even like skull fractures that can cause bloody noses as well. That's a lot more serious and dangerous in the sense that now there's a communication between your nose and your brain itself, increased risk for infe

ction. - So, Doc, um, how much Jamba Juice do I have to drink to cure this? - Oh, he's still intoxicated. - I've also heard that, like, crystals exist? - Crystals work on the idea of potentially of healing powers, but most of the time, it's probably more related to a placebo effect. Do you use crystals? Let me know in the comments. - I say we get that tumor out of him right away before he gets any dumber. - So if Brian doesn't have the surgery, will he be all right? - No way. I'm never going bac

k to my old self. - Brian could have the surgery and be smart again, or he could skip the surgery and stay dumb like this. - (laughs) Okay, so the concern is not that Brian will stay dumb. He's not dumb. It's a brain tumor pushing on his brain. It could continue to expand. So you want to address the swelling of the brain. And if there is swelling, it needs to be removed. Sometimes you can give steroids to temporize the problem, but a neurosurgeon needs to evaluate this for surgery sooner than la

ter. (tone) - You know what? Hang on. I left my harmonica in the tub. - I think Peter's in there taking a bath. - [Peter] Ah! Son of a bitch! - What the hell did I just sit on? - Where is it? Where's my harmonica? It's not here! - Peter, have you seen Stewie's harmonica? It was in the tub. - Of course. - Oh my God. It was in the tub... And now it's in my butt! - You know how many times we get in the emergency department somebody comes in and they "sat on something" and it went up into a certain

"area"? It's pretty hard just to sit on something. You need to be able to relax the muscle. The sphincter, which is the muscle around your butthole, it's tight. - Stewie, daddy needs your tiny hands for a very special project. (Jordan laughs) - Tiny hands. Oh my gosh! You can attempt to get it out. It is very painful. Sometimes you can get it out in the emergency department. Sometimes you actually have to go to the operating room. At the hospital. There's the harmonica. We do get x-rays looking

for alignment, looking to see how far up it is, with the orientation, those sorts of things. If it's too far up to where you can't reach it with your hand, you have to go to the operating room. Or worst case, they have to actually open you up. - Can we address my husband's situation? - Well, the harmonica's up there pretty good. Unfortunately, removing it would require a very expensive surgery that's not covered by your TGI Friday's gift card. (harmonica plays) - Oh my gosh. Potentially an emerg

ency because of risk of bowel perforation, but a harmonica could get snagged, it can cut. - I don't know. (sniffs) Suddenly it smells like John Popper in here. - That was me! I got musical farts! (harmonica plays) (giggles) Holy crap! - Holy crap! - I will not allow this opportunity to go to waste. - Don't put anything up there, like I always say, without a string or a big flange. - We should start by checking your reflexes. (Dr. Hartman screams) (Peter starts) (Jordan laughs) - That is not what

you mean by checking your reflexes, okay? Checking your reflexes means your DTRs, your deep tendon reflexes. That's when the doctor uses the hammer. All the classic places, like the knee, the patella tendon. You can even do it on the forearm for the wrist as well, but not just trying to scare somebody. - You gotta help me. My arm really hurts. It all started after I got a chainsaw. - Hmm, is that right? Well, it sounds to me like you may have chainsaw elbow. - Okay, no. There's no such thing as

chainsaw elbow. What they're describing most likely is tennis elbow or golfer's elbow, which is medial or lateral epicondylitis, which is just inflammation of the tendons in those anatomical positions. - Chainsaw elbow? - So how much synthetic opioid do you need? - That is so messed up! Basically, the best medication for this would be an anti-inflammatory, which is Ibuprofen. Opiates in this setting just covers up the pain and actually doesn't fix the problem. - I'm trying to prescribe enough t

o earn a fanny pack. - I don't have any specific medication brand, generic versus trade. I think the only thing nowadays that pharmaceutical companies actually end up doing is educational teachings with maybe a dinner or something like that. - Have you ever had a chiropractic adjustment? - What's that? - It's a procedure where a guy who couldn't get into medical school tries to rip your head off. (dramatic music) (Jordan gasps) - That's messed up! So, chiropractors are their own specialty. They

not just crack or realign people. They also do wellness and health optimization. They go to school for a long time as well. They chose this career. They didn't "not make it into med school." - It's kind of like the polar express. - Let's do it! - Okay, I'll give it a shot. But this type of thing is usually done in strip malls next to a Little Caesar's. - Unless he was trained on a separate course that he took on his own, he shouldn't be doing this. He needs to know these techniques. We spend man

y, many, many hours learning how to do this. Oh, gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's not how you do that. Horrible. (Peter gasps) - Holy crap. What happened? - Well, I think we simply found your true height. (Jordan laughs) - Okay. So you can actually do cervical decompression basically by pulling on somebody's head, by lengthening it. So it takes some of the pressure off where the nerves are coming out, which could be causing compression of the nerve, which then can be causing symptoms to your extremi

ties and your pain and that sort of thing. - I've got you now, Bat Damon. (Jordan laughs) - Okay. - So bats could carry rabies, okay? And their bite is so sharp that you may not even notice it if you're sleeping. (bat squeaking) - Ah! Ah! What is it? (Peter yells) - Oh! There's always the potential that they might have bit you. The concern though is, it could... And if you get rabies, it's pretty much deadly. What ends up happening is you would go to the emergency department. And if you know whe

re you got bit, you can get immunoglobulin to protect you. And then you would also get the rabies vaccine. - Peter, what the hell did you do to Stewie's hand? It could be broken! - Oh, no! - I didn't mean to! It's just, sometimes I don't think before I act. - Stewie needs an x-ray of his hand to see if there's a fracture. And then we did see some blood, so is there a laceration that needs to be repaired? - Good news. Stewie's hand looks fine. - Oh, hey. High five. - And in kids, depending on the

ir age, not all of their joints are totally formed. So there's a lot of cartilage that is still there that you can't see on an x-ray that it will future form into a bone. - Stewie hasn't had his vaccinations yet. Should we take care of that? - Well, I suppose so. - Oh, but first I'm required to have you read this pamphlet about the risks of vaccinations. - Possible side effects: fever, severe allergic reaction, muscle and joint pain. Wait, this can't be right. - A lot of good things about vaccin

es. Vaccines are not without risk, okay? There's always a chance of something happening. Every human is different. We all have potential different reactions. But risk versus benefit. - Hey man, how many questions your lady ask? - Oh, geez. - A million. - I don't remember having to read any of this when Chris and Meg had their vaccinations. - Well, that was before internet chat rooms made everybody an expert. - Wow, okay. So that was a big dive into vaccinations, especially now, what's going on i

n the world. So vaccinations are a good thing. Vaccines have been developed to help eradicate a lot of different viral issues that we've had in the past. - What are you boys doing up there? Get off the roof! - Go back in the house, Lois. We're being "Jackass." Okay, ready? - All right, we're rolling. - I'm Peter Griffin, and this is shopping cart... Roof... Roof shopping cart. - Nice. - Okay, go! - Oh! - Oh, broken back. Oh! - God, are you okay? - I don't know. I don't know. What does it look li

ke? What do I do? - Don't do anything! - What is that? I feel something! - That's your neck! - Fine, dude. - Oh my gosh. - You picked up a bunch of notches. - I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. - Upper cervicals typically have to do with your arms, right, and your neck. Both are moving. They're moving well. Probably hasn't caused any neurologic problems. It's more structural problems. This is hilarious. I've obviously never seen this unless the head is decapitated off. It almost looks like an i

nternal type decapitation. Oh! And he just vomited everywhere! So gross. Pain, anxiety. These things can cause vomiting. You see it very often. - Does this get fixed with ice or heat? - Ice now, heat later. - That's true. Ice or heat, right? So in this circumstance though, heat or ice, drop both and get to the hospital. Get to the emergency department ASAP. Like, 911. Get in a car ASAP. And get seen immediately. You need a neurosurgeon. You need an orthopedic surgeon. You need a trauma surgeon.

You need an ER doctor. All of these docs will show up and really work together to figure out how we're going to put this neck back together and make sure that there's no other major injury that's going on. - What are you, nuts? I got no special talents. What can I do that nobody else does? - Well, you just ate my tip. - I got it! - What is he gonna do? What is he gonna do? (alarm beeps) All right. - Oh my God, Lois! I can't see! - Uh-oh. So a lot of times when I've seen patients where they liter

ally just can't see, it's actually due to diabetes or sometimes brain tumors. So definitely needs to be seen. - [Dr. Hartman] Uh, how about now? - Nope. Nothing. - Well, that makes me feel much better. You can't see the spaceship either. My cousin Marshall insists if you look past the picture, you can see a- - Normally you would use an eye chart, but even then, if you can't see the letters in the eye chart, then you use big objects. Then you check if you can see waving objects. And then, can you

see light or not? - Can you please just tell us what's wrong with my husband? - Oh, yes. Well, you see, after ingesting such a large number of metal coins, Mr. Griffin appears to have succumbed to nickel poisoning, causing him to lose his sight. - Oh my God, Lois. I'm blind as a bat! I can't see a damn thing! - The likelihood that the nickel from the nickel is causing blindness is pretty rare. It causes a lot of other things. More GI symptoms, skin symptoms, maybe some neurologic things, but it

doesn't typically cause eye blindness. Some other toxicities could. (tone) You're getting your tubes tied. - Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy. - First of all, I don't know what that is. And second of all, no freaking way. (laughing) - Tubes tied, so what they're meaning is the fallopian tubes through a tubal ligation, blocking off the tube. Then there's a chance that you won't get pregnant. So it's like 99.99%, but it's a big procedure, versus a vasectomy. It's basical

ly you're doing a very similar procedure where you're cutting off the tubing from where the sperm leaves to get mixed in with the semen. So that way, now you don't have any swimmers in there, but you still have ejaculate. It's an easy procedure, it's outpatient. It's a lot more, I would say gentle per se. - It's actually a lot quicker and safer. Let these guys explain. - Thank you, Brian. ♪ A vasectomy's a medical procedure ♪ ♪ One that makes you ♪ This is awkward. ♪ You're half a man ♪ It doesn

't make you half a man. You still make sperm, but they don't get ejaculated out. So you can still climax, still have an orgasm, all that stuff. - Just come out whenever you're done. (glasses clattering) - Oh, oh, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. (thudding) (yelling) - Oh, that's disgusting. - [Peter] Oh God, I, I think I feel them moving. - All those samples are now contaminated. Not sure if Peter has already had a vasectomy or he's getting checked. If you have a v

asectomy, you then need to provide a semen sample. It could take a little bit. A month, two months, three months. There could still be a little residual sperm coming through. - Hi, my partner and I want to have a baby. We'd like a vial of sperm and an applicator that looks like Jodie Foster's knuckles. - Certainly, let me just go to the freezer. (laughing) - That's horrible. - Mr. Griffin, you were in there an awfully long time. Are you all right? - Yeah, yeah, fine, fine. And just so you know,

everything in there is exactly the way it was when I went in. There is absolutely zero chance that I spilled all the jars and had to refill 'em with my own sperm. (dramatic music) - What? That is disgusting. Oh my gosh. Our bodies actually aren't made to be able to produce that much and there's actually an absolute refractory period in men to where you actually cannot ejaculate again in such a short period of time. - [Dr. Hartman] Okay, Mrs. Griffin, tell me what you see. - I see a cow in a lab

coat, some vultures in a cowboy hat, and a dog trying to trick a cat into a clothes dryer. - Just as I thought. You're farsighted. (laughing) (cymbals crashing) Doing your visual acuity test, you could do shapes, letters, but typically it's not images and it's a certain distance away and we know how good this doctor is. - I would say you either need to get glasses or maybe LASIK. - Is that the surgery people get and then tell everybody they got it? - Yes, it's the veganism of elective surgery. (

laughing) - That is so true, that you'll definitely know is somebody's ever had LASIK before because they'll tell you, but they're super excited about it. They have better sight, so why wouldn't they wanna share it? There's LASIK, there's PRK. There's other type of different surgeries, but it's all related to the cornea itself actually. Changing potential thickness of your cornea, which then has to do with how well you're seeing. - If you're unsure of what to do, here's a video of Radiohead fron

t man and super weirdo Thom Yorke to help you decide. - Not many people know that I'm blind in one eye. Can you guess which one? (laughing) - Fine, I'll get the LASIK. - Great, make an appointment with my nurse. Now here's a lollipop from the Sackler family that says, "Sowie." - I think this doctor's a general doctor, a family medicine doctor. This doctor does not perform eye surgery unless it's an ophthalmologist. And then the whole Sackler reference, I ... So I'm not sure if everybody understa

nds, but the Sackler family owns Purdue Pharma. Purdue Pharma has to do with producing opiates and almost being sued by every single state in the United States for having their hand in producing the opiate epidemic per se. - Mrs. Griffin, the surgery was a success. And by that, I mean the hospital agreed to take your Discover card. - Plus, we'll get 1% of that back, which is basically like getting nothing. - Oh my gosh. Obviously ripping on the hospital because you have to pay for the services,

especially in the United States. But in other countries, sometimes you don't have to do that and it's just the services are available. And are free of charge or paid in your taxes that you pay, all that stuff. Bandages are off. And the clarity of vision is ... (gasping) - Oh my God. - She can't see. - I'm blind. (dramatic music) - What? - [Peter] But you can still see like the stove and laundry, right? (laughing) - So listen, disabling vision loss where you're like seeing black is very, very rar

e in LASIK surgeries. - Hey, what do you got there, Peter? - Rice cakes, never had one, but somebody told me this is a really good way to start your diet. (crunching) (yelling) - Rice cakes are fine. It's a source of carbohydrates and it is a good way to help get your diet going to help lose some weight. And to kind of manage how you get your carbohydrates in and your different calories in your body. (yelling) (vomiting) (gasping) - Who could think of such a horrible thing? (laughing) - So drama

tic. - Peter, I don't understand why we have to drive all the way to Ohio to ride a stupid rollercoaster. - Yeah, besides, they're still not gonna let you on. You haven't actually lost any weight. - Oh, I think my lithe figure would suggest otherwise. - He's wearing a corset. Didn't lose weight, just displaced it in a different area. We actually have these different types of braces as well. They're called TLSO braces, where it's the thoracic, lumbar, sacrum. A piece of plastic to keep you from s

hifting if you fractured one of the vertebrae in your back. Historically, corsets are made to tighten everything up. Today instead, people are using like waist trainers. - A girdle is not a substitute for weight loss, Peter. - Hey, I'm riding that rollercoaster and that's all there is to it. Now let's get out of here. This thing's squishing my organs around. (squelching) (heart thumping) (laughing) - First off, is that it's squishing your organs. It doesn't squeeze your organs out, especially yo

ur heart. It's protected by your ribcage, so squeezing your belly, not gonna squeeze it out. Could your stomach slide up from a hiatal hernia? Yes, that could be possible and it can go into your chest cavity and displace your lungs to the side. Not necessarily gonna come out of your mouth. - Yeah, come on, Quagmire. Get the hair transplant. Come back to us. - You're right, this isn't me. Baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads. - There you go. That's pretty close. (laughing) - Hair tra

nsplants are a thing. You can take good hair and you put it back in the head, but I have seen a lot of people fail, where they have like this huge big strip of hair missing in their back and they're bald on top. Now you could also take medications to try to keep your hair before you lose it. - Glenn Quagmire, why does that name sound familiar? Oh, yeah, I treated you for butt flu. - Hey, you wanna keep it down? (laughing) - I don't really know what butt flu is. It's not a diagnosis that I've use

d and it's not an ICD-10 code. Maybe it's like diarrhea or something like that, but flu in general, body aches and the viral illness, cough, runny nose, those certain things. So of the butt, is that what they're trying to reference? It's not a thing. - How's it going Dr. Kamada? Bob, Matty, Jim, Miriam. - Yeah, that's not good. - Sheesh, Joe. - Yeah, I come here a lot. - As everybody who's told me, Joe didn't get paralyzed from a spinal injury. His legs got all shot up, so he's probably had mult

iple surgeries, had to go to the hospital a lot. And over time, you actually develop relationships with the people that you are there with and that are helping you recover. - I now declare this hair transplant officially over. (gun firing) - What? - Hey, hey, hey. - What is this doctor? I've seen him do LASIK surgery earlier today and now he's doing hair transplants. No, these are doctors of these different surgeries are specialists, not general practitioners. - Hey, he's back. - You look great,

Quagmire. (beeping) - Oh my God, one of my patients on two has been shot. (dramatic music) - My gosh. Now he's got a GSW upstairs, shot through the floor. And then it's a trauma. At the trauma hospitals that I've work at, if you're shot in certain areas, hand or below your knee and it's a soft tissue wound, you're not even in trauma activation. Wound care and followup. - I call it Peter Griffin's Bunker Busting Mega Ultra Super- (fireworks exploding) (dramatic music) - Oh, this is literally my

life. People who come in with no fingers. Their hand is gone, exploded off, arm's gone. We gotta think, we gotta be safe. Please don't do this. If this does happen, grab whatever tissue you can find. If you see fingers laying around, limbs laying around, grab them, go to the hospital and get there as quick as you can. - What happened? Oh my God. - No huge hurry, but I'm sort of out of juice over here. - There's one of dad's fingers. - We have to hurry. - Grab the fingers. - If you get him back s

oon enough, they can be reattached. - Yes and no. So the issue with fingers is you need to reattach the blood supply and the nerve supply. You can sew the tissue back together, but you have to have a good blood supply to make sure it has nutrients, that it just doesn't die off. So that's one major issue. And they're such small blood vessels. And then it's a horribly dirty wound. Bring everything in. If you have a bleeding injury that's racing, amputation, pressure dressing to the area. And if th

at doesn't control it, at that point, you may need to use a tourniquet if it's life-threatening bleeding. - Hey, there's one of them. (soft tense music) - Peter, look out. (wheelchair crashing) (thudding) - Peter's having a bad day. What do you do with the amputated piece? What you should do, don't put it directly on ice. You actually want to either put that in a plastic bag or like a wet gauze or a wet tissue around it, put that in like a water, ice bag itself. And that way, it stays cold, it s

lows down the processes of the tissue to give it its best chance to get reattached later. (tone) - Next is the Brown family. Oh, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I write descriptions of my patients to help me remember them. - No, it's okay, our last name is Brown. - Dr. Hartman, what are you doing, buddy? Like saying things like that out loud. Like, okay, sometimes we have little triggers that help us remember things. Using patient identifiers relating to skin color or any other physical

identifier shouldn't be used. If he's referring to the Brown family, then that would be accurate. Let's see where this goes, Dr. Hartman. - Oh, okay, phew. Ah, then this must be Chubster Dumdum. - What! Chubster Dumdum? Totally inappropriate and don't say that out loud. That's not cool. The kid obviously is a little overweight. Don't call somebody out about that after they've had, like, injuries. You have a discussion about their weight if they need to have a discussion about their weight. - [Nu

rse] I'm sorry sir, no visitors. - Excuse me, I'll have you know, I'm the shooter! So how's he doing? - How's he doing? How do you think he's doing? - What did he do? - You shot my son! - So, actually in the hospital, when somebody actually comes into the trauma center who's a gunshot victim, they're actually not identified. The people taking care of them will know their name, but on the board or for visitors, the names are left off so you can't actually identify who the person is, because if th

is was somebody trying to kill somebody, they potentially would try to get into the hospital and try to finish the job. - Calm down? I want this racist out the room and I want him arrested! - Racist? I put these gloves on-- - (laughing) I've had patients come in and they put their hand out to me and literally you can see feces in their fingernails. Like this is not a joke, like it does happen. - Wow, I really messed up. - Yeah you did, Peter. - I haven't felt this bad since I drove by that speed

sign. - Oh, whoa! (tires squealing) (engine revving) (metal crunching) (glass tinkling) (engine blasting) Seriously? We see, in the emergency department, car accidents all the time. We see people who have delayed extractions because of bent metal that the fire departments had to cut open with, say, the jaws of life. And we see tons of injuries where like, ranging from concussions to lacerations, to fractures, to amputations. We got Peter's car accident. That car accident definitely doesn't look

survivable, to flipping multiple times, destruction of the car, as well as it's on fire. By the time somebody gets down there, if he can't get out of the car, he's probably gonna die. - Sorry, I just prefer to do number two at home. Where were we? - I'm just gonna say this because I'm going to say it, he talked about going to the bathroom. If you feel the urge, you need to go to the bathroom, please go to the bathroom. Don't try to suck it back up in there and wait for another time to go, becau

se you're gonna be behind in the amount of poops that you're gonna have, you're gonna increase your risk of diverticulosis, which then future increases your risk of diverticulitis and perforated bowel. - It's Stewie, Dr. Hartman. He's having trouble focusing at school. - Ah yes. So you're telling me your baby won't sit still in a way that's inconvenient for his teacher? - Yes. - I'd heard stories, but never thought I'd see it with my own eyes. - Babies crawl, babies move around, babies don't rea

lly listen. I don't know how old this kid is, but if he's acting like a normal child, he should be moving around. - I'm going to write Stewie a prescription for ADHD medication. - Oh my gosh! - I don't know. Doesn't that stuff make you wired? - Come on, doctor. Like what the heck? You're trying to prescribe a stimulant to an overactive person who's highly stimulated. Obviously it works for some people because that's why we have the medication. Our first go-to as healthcare providers and teachers

and parents should be to address the problem and try to figure out from behavior modifications to get the kid to focus or figure out why the kid's not focusing before jumping to drugs as your first line of treatment. - Well if you're low energy and lethargic, yes. But if you're a high energy, it actually calms you down and helps you focus. At least that's what I'm reading on WebMD. Wow, there are a lot of different kinds of medicines. - There's a cat in here. - Okay. I guess we can give it a tr

y. - Here you go. Now, who's this little guy? - Oh my God. The doctor's not even like paying attention. He's looking up things online. Obviously, sometimes you have to look up dosing, when to start a med, that's okay. And obviously doing it in front of the patient, like fine if you have any good open relationship with them. - We're late! - Whoa, Peter! - (gasps) What the hell? - Why does he look so sunken? - Peter, it's horrible! - [Stewie] Other people live here! - Oh my god! How did this happe

n? - It's from smoking. - Not that bad. - Peter, you can't live like this. - If someone's been smoking for a long time, it's messing with the vocal cord so you can actually hear it in their voice. And then their skin, it's like tight, leathery, wrinkled. You can tell. When you stop smoking, it'll take a very, very, very long time to get back to normal. - Dr. Hartman, we're here for you to help you to help Peter quit smoking. - Mrs. Griffin, I can't do that. It's an addiction. - Well there are mu

ltiple ways to actually stop smoking. He's calling it an addiction, it's more typically like a habit. You could be addicted to the process of smoking, going outside, taking a break. You could be addicted to the nicotine. - He's killing himself. - Ugh, all right. How many Vicodins for you guys to just leave me alone? - Oh my gosh! Wow, he's just like, "Well, let me just give you some Vicodins." We have an opiate crisis in the United States and around the world, not something that needs to replace

it. But it's pretty crazy because opiates in itself affect a part of your brain that have to do with serotonin and dopamine, leading to anxiety, depression, which is part of also the reward feedback system related to also smoking cigarettes. People might actually feel better, but it's a totally inappropriate way to treat somebody trying to get off of an addiction. - Well, it's too bad Dr. Hartman couldn't help us. I guess we should go to the stop smoking clinic and then maybe get a couple bottl

es of wine. - Oh my gosh! Some people have personalities that are addictive. There are multiple things that you could do to stop smoking. You can do Nicorette gum, you can do lozenges, you can do a medication. And then there's also the idea of nicotine cartridges, if you do vape, to slowly decrease the dose of how much nicotine you're getting. - Check out how hot my last patient was. - Oh my gosh. Totally inappropriate! Like this is so disturbing. I have my phone in my pocket to get phone calls

from the hospital. I occasionally, with the consent of a patient, written, take a photo of maybe an injury that I can send to a specialist so they know the injury. And it's all, no patient identifiers. It's via an encrypted program. And that's only if we have to do it. - According to this projection, Stewie's adult height will be five foot one. - Wow! - Five foot one? - You go to the doctor's offices, you potentially can get a prediction of your height. Obviously this is not something that is hi

ghly scientifically accurate because things can change, growth plates can stay open longer, they can close sooner. Sometimes you can get an x-ray and it'll show you your growth plates are still open when you're a little bit older and be like, "Oh, I'm actually still growing." - I mean, I suppose it's fine if he's gonna die at 14. Is there anything on there about that? - Well we learned in medical school that the short ones do go faster 'cause they smell more farts than the rest of us. - Oh my go

sh. That actually is kind of funny, but totally not true. Actually, longevity studies have shown smaller people in general, not massive bodybuilders, but people who are just smaller in general, will actually live longer. And it potentially has to do with, if you're larger, you're asking your body to work harder and almost do double the work as somebody who's half your size. - This is terrible! I can't be short. I'll be an outcast like Rudolph the uncircumcised reindeer! - What? Rudolph the uncir

cumcised reindeer? I've never heard of such things. - All right, it's Dasher. He's been complaining and he is the one who has to look at it. - I don't know. Mrs. Claus says it'll decrease my sensitivity. - Oh my gosh! - I'm sorry, why are you talking to my wife about this? - (laughing) Yes, by being circumcised, it does decrease sensitivity a little bit. Your higher chances of having infection with an uncircumcised penis, because you can get bacteria trapped underneath if you don't clean it well

, then you increase your risk of phimosis and paraphimosis. So there are multiple reasons why one would want to circumcised himself, not just because somebody has to look at it. - Well, I got the results of your ultrasound and I got some news for you. - Wait, wait, wait! We don't want to know if it's a boy or a girl. - Oh, okay! - Typically to find out the sex is done in the second trimester. - Well, it's not breathing. - Oh my gosh. He said the baby's not breathing. So the baby is inside of a h

uman being, attached by the umbilical cord, swallowing the amniotic fluid and breathing in the amniotic fluid. And what's super cool is actually there's holes in our heart, foramen ovale, so blood kind of bypasses different parts of the heart because the lungs aren't being used to oxygenate tissue. It's amazing! (tone) - Give your dog something to post on Facebook! - All right! And nobody's blocking. (Stewie grunting) - Oh! (whistle blowing) - Back off, he may have a concussion. - A concussion?

- You do me an honor left tenant. - If you're playing a sport and you suffer a head injury or you're around somebody who suffers a head injury, in say a sport like football, don't immediately rush to take the helmet off, protecting the head. If you do have to take the helmet off, there are different steps that you need to do and typically athletic trainers will know or EMTs will know how to take that off in a field setting. - Hey Stewie, how's our little concussion guy? - Oh no! - Oh my God. Are

you? - What has he got? He's got anisocoria. Unequal pupils. That needs to be evaluated immediately at the hospital. So go get it checked out and get a cat scan of your brain, please. And obviously he's like sleepy, tired, he should get checked out anyway. - Is, is anybody gonna answer that telephone? - He keeps thinking the phone is ringing, Brian. - You can have nerve injuries to the ears. So there are a lot of different reasons why you could have ringing in the ears and he is hallucinating.

He's hearing things, he's seeing things. His kid needs to go to the hospital. - Well, at least he's talking again. I think that means he's getting better. - Well, on TV, if somebody gets hit on the head you hit him a second time and that gets him back to normal. - No, no, Chris, this is very serious. - Yes. - You see what a concussion is is the impact of brain matter on the inside of the skull but you can't make a helmet for the inside. (Jordan gasps) Chris, are you crazy? - Shh, let's just let

him sleep this off. - No, you do not let him sleep it off because there could be bleeding going on in the brain. Everything gets sloshed back and forth. Your brain can move and smack the skull on the inside could cause ripping of your bridging veins. - It's just that when you've read as many books as I have, (laughs) it takes a toll, ya know? - You sure it's not from watching too much close up porn on your phone? (Jordan laughing) - No, I wouldn't be surprised if they have that now. - You are so

full of it, you don't need those things. - Wait, who said that? (Jordan laughing) - Definitely knew people back in the day that would actually wear glasses without any prescriptions in them. Yes, you can strain your eyes or your eyes can get tired and sometimes an optometrist will give you eyeglasses to help with that. As you get a little bit older, sometimes you need glasses because your eyes won't accommodate. And it's something called presbyopia. When things get closer or further away with t

he lens actually get larger or smaller, it loses that ability. (Stewie whistling) Oh gosh. Oh gosh. - Hey Brian? - Yeah? - Oh no! - Aah, dammit, there's glass in my eye! (Jordan laughing) Son of a-! - Do not take any baseball bats to anybody's skull. A skull fractures, intracranial bleeding, epidural hematomas, subdural hematoma. Death. A baseball bat is for hitting baseballs. Definitely see eye injuries at the hospital. Most of the time foreign bodies get in there. Usually people are either wel

ding, or using something small metal-wise and a piece of metal actually goes in the eye. There's a little piece of equipment that we use called a bur, which actually spins really, really fast, and it actually spin it out, so to speak. Definitely wanna look in all areas of the eye, wash out the eye. - Subject wanted for medical. What's that? - Experiments. - Asparagus. (Jordan laughs) - All right Mr. Griffin, at this time, we're going to inject you with what we believe we've isolated as the gay g

ene. - What? - I don't understand. - Well, if we are correct, we will have successfully proven that homosexuality is genetic and not a matter of choice or environment. - Does that experiment actually exist? I have no idea. There is multiple factors, multiple components to our own sexualities, that's a whole other topic. In my opinion, maybe we should be doing research and scientific studies on things that actually maybe kill people like cancer, but this is Family Guy, so it's a little obscure an

d a little off. - Hi! - Oh my gosh, come on. - So how'd the medical experiments go? - So good, Louis, so good. Let me squeeze right in here if my thighs will let me. - The stereotypes of Family Guy. Bad stereotype, that's potentially small subset of people who are homosexual or heterosexual, asexual, it doesn't matter what you wear or how you behave. Oh, Family Guy. - How many boogies would you say you consume in a week? - Oh God, maybe like one? Maybe two to during the holidays, maybe. (Jordan

laughing) - Who eats their own boogers, that's disgusting. I mean, who doesn't enjoy picking a good booger? That's a different story. But you have to be careful, dirty fingers, dirty nails increase your risk of infection into the nose and your nose is actually doing what it's supposed to do, it's filtering the air for you. Use a tissue, blow your nose, try not eat it. There is no health benefit to eating boogers. - Stewie, I'm your doctor. I can tell just by looking at you that you're eating mor

e than that. - I'm sorry. I-I've just been so nervous about these test results. - Well, that's understandable. - So often we'll ask patients different questions. Maybe how much alcohol do you drink? And you get once a week, you multiply that by three or four. People will want to give a us an answer that may be partial truth, maybe not to look so bad. The doctor only cares about your health. The only way for us to truly help you is to understand what's going on inside your body. I am not judging

you, my colleagues are not judging you. Just tell us the truth. - You can't handle the truth. - So we can treat you properly. - Seeing as how you did test positive for cooties. (Jordan laughing) - What, that's terrible. - I think you need to get your affairs in order. - He's got the cooties and get your affairs in order. The world is ending for preschool. - I don't have any affairs, I'm one. - Well then you're ready to die. - Officially cooties. I don't think it's actually in ICD 10 code. I don'

t think is an official diagnosis, but is it just trying to say you got germs, maybe? Cooties isn't really a real thing. - I got your meds, honey. - Who was that? - That's my 20 year old nurse. - He's wearing homemade sandals. - Yeah, he has no medical training. - Having companionship will actually make people feel better, they actually have shown studies therapy of an animal typically are felt more love and more happy and then that translates into better health. - This is the Flintstone's cockta

il I have to take every day. 17 Barneys, 18 Wilmas. I have to take the Bamm-Bamms just to keep things moving. Does this seem dramatic to you? - I'm only laughing because I grew up with my friends always having Flintstone vitamins at their house and they taste like candy. Sometimes when people get terminal diseases they actually have a quick switch of the way they look at life. But, as far as I know, cooties are not terminal and they're not contagious. There's a ton of alternative therapies out t

here and they all have their place. I think traditional medicine mixed in with some holistic-type approaches is actually more beneficial than just one by itself. - Oh my God, what happened to your face? - Oh man! - Hello, who's there? Sorry Brian, my eye's can't close when I sleep and I'm blind for a few seconds when I first wake up. - Stewie, you got more plastic surgery? - I know it was a mistake. (Jordan laughs) - I told you not to do this. You're way too young to be getting plastic surgery.

- Yeah, one year old, oh my gosh. - I think one of the cuts got too close to my brain. Brian, school pictures are in two days, what am I gonna do? - So the question is, what did he have done? It looks like he's got lip filler, face pulled back, and then probably some Botox in there, but he can't close his eyes. Typically, if you actually get Botox near your eyes, your eyelids, it'll probably cause him to be droopy because there's no muscle tension. And if it does happen, it will go away. And may

be babies shouldn't be getting Botox or fillers. - He needs you to help fix his face. - Absolutely, I can do that. - Great, is it a simple procedure? - Oh sure, we just break every bone in his face and then smoosh him back into position. - Oh my gosh. - Dr. Hartman, where'd you get your medical degree from? - He told me bedrest and ice packs for two days so it can set, but I'm not missing picture day. - [Photographer] Two, three. (Stewie screaming) (Jordan gasping) - I don't know what kind of pr

ocedure that was. Did he break his bone and try to smoosh everything back together and ripped the seams? Horrible! I didn't mean to say facial drooping this capacity. There's a lot of connective tissue underneath the skin. So yes, if something kind of rips open lacerates open, everything else is still intact, it all just doesn't fall off. Please be careful with injections, fillers, all these different things. Go to a reputable place, go to a sound place. Don't go to a place that's the cheapest o

r the best deal, 'cause sometimes you get a bad deal. (tone) - I never told you this, but for years now I've been planning on retiring at 45, so I can work on finding a cure for ballzheimers disease. - Ballzheimers disease. Ballzheimers disease is not a disease, but I'm assuming it's related to forgetting your testicles. - Peter, are those testicles. Where did you get those? - I don't remember. - You got Alzheimer's disease, which is a type of dementia. Dementia is basically slowly losing your m

emory, not able to form new memories. There's multiple different kinds. Oh, he is in the hospital. First glance, these injuries are related to either, car accident, a fight, riding a bicycle, or a skateboarder, or scooter, and he fell on his face. Those are kind of the first things that you think of. - Mrs. Griffin I have some good news or some bad news, depending on how you feel about your husband. Do you love your husband? - Yes. - Yes. - Mrs. Griffin I have some bad news news, your husband is

brain dead. - We don't present things this way. You don't say good news, bad news, you just say this is what we found. - I'm afraid it's time for you to make your choice. - What? - Make your choice? - Are you telling me I should pull the plug. - I'm afraid so. - Typically, if there's no brain function then you actually wouldn't have the function to breathe, so should probably be on a ventilator. Pulling the plug basically means turning off the mechanical ventilation. If their brain isn't functi

oning to tell them to breathe, they will die pretty quickly right after that. - Also, you might be getting a call about the service you received here today. Do you feel I've earned all tens? (Jordan laughing) - We as physicians are judged by the government based on surveys that patients do, it's called a press ganey score in the emergency department. Did we address all the concerns? Did we address your pain? Basically just hits the things that we should do. - I don't wanna go. Hey. - Hey. - That

's a plug. You pulled the plug on me? (Jordan gasping) - What? Oh man. Lois. Actually sometimes things like this happen. Usually it's from GHB, the drug which people become totally unconscious, and then once it's metabolized out of their system they just all of a sudden wake up, they rip their endotracheal tubes out. - Peter it was a very difficult decision. How could you do that, I'm alive. - I'm here from the mortgage company. Mr. Griffin, you're three months late on your payment. (Peter beepi

ng) (Jordan laughs) - So that is a tough conversation to have. That flat line noise that you hear in movies is most of the time just a fake idea. You hear the, (Jordan blooping) We don't hear those at the hospital either, it would just be a ton of different noises all over the place. He's got a pulse oximeter on his fingers. And he's got an IV in his right arm, and the antecubital fossa, so a good job. (instrumental music) At the hospital, obviously. Lois you're freaking out. - Don't worry Lois,

I went blind for a while, it was cool. - Dr. Hartman, you said there was very little risk to lay sick, but now I am blind. - So Lois is blind after eye surgery. Sometimes you can have a lot of edema and swelling to the eye itself. So that can cause temporary blindness. At that point, anytime there's blindness phone calls to an ophthalmologist. Potentially get a CT scan of the head to make sure there was no mass or no injuries. And then the ophthalmologist needs to see these patients. - Okay loo

k, this isn't my fault, it was take your cat to work day. (cat meows) (Jordan laughing) - I love that the laser the cat was using to run around to try to get. So you wouldn't do it freehand like that. Animals in the hospital, that doesn't happen. We do have in certain hospitals therapy dogs, but not a random bring your animal to work day. - Get that cat outta here. - They're not sterile, they're dirty. - Until she gets used to her new life, you'll need to take care of her. Feed her, bathe her, d

rive her places. - There are gone, aren't they? - They left, yes. - Wow. There are times when we see family dump their member into the emergency department and we can't contact them, and then we have to figure out what to do with these individuals, and then that's when we actually get law enforcement involved. - Sorry to keep you, I was reading this highlights magazine in the waiting room. - Oh my gosh, I remember those highlight magazines. We got some little baby x-rays up there. We got a stern

al notch all the way down to the pelvis. - Doctor Hartman, were you able to tell anything from Stewie x-rays. - Oh yeah, little guy's got scoliosis. - Oh my God. - Scoliosis is basically lateral angulation of the spine. You can actually just do an exam where you put your feet together, you bend forward, ribs basically will then rotate one way or the other. So that's one way to do a quick assessment for scoliosis. - Oh no, am I gonna be a big shoe small shoe guy. (Jordan laughs) - This doesn't ty

pically have to do with the leg length discrepancies. It could a little bit if you're having pelvic shifting, you need to build up a shoe, a big difference versus like you need a little lift in your shoe. Those sorts of things. - But don't worry, he'll be fine. He just needs to wear this brace for a while to correct it. - Oh dear. - Now, does he have any school pictures coming up? - Yeah, he actually does. - Well then, this will not be a refrigerator door year. (Jordan laughs) - The braces that

we use at the hospital that I see are something called a TLSO brace, and it has to do with different areas of your spine. Typically it's used when there's like a fracture versus misalignment. (Stewie groans) - What the doos. Brian. (head bangs) (Jordan laughing) - He has such a massive head that the sound of his head hitting the stairs. It was actually a really good job. - It's gotta be from wearing that brace all the time. Your neck must have atrophy so much you can no longer support your head.

- There you go. We do tell people with the soft cervical collars not to put those on, because you can actually cause muscle stiffness and potential atrophy. Say you have a shoulder sling, you gotta make sure you take it out of there and do gentle movements. If you use it all the time you can actually cause yourself frozen shoulder syndrome. - You've gotta take me to the hospital. - Absolutely. Let me just watch Jennifer's body and we'll go right there. - If you have neck laxity or you injure yo

ur neck, make sure you stabilize it. Wrap a towel at your house and roll it up and put it until almost like a horseshoe, and put it in that area. You could tape the front. (woman crying) What the heck? What the heck? - Oh my God. - He had a heart attack. - I think Chris is having a heart attack. - We're not supposed to leave the table. - Chris is having a heart attack. Isn't Chris like a kid. It's not impossible to have a heart attack at a young age, typically it's due to like a congenital issue

. More commonly it's like forties, fifties, and sixties, is when bad cardiovascular disease starts kicking in. - You almost worked yourself right into the ground buddy. - Oh, it's all our fault, we never should have let you take on the pressure of being an adult. - It's okay mom. Boy, I thought being a grownup would be easier than being a kid, but it's turned out it was just as hard. - Heart attack in general, is defined as a ruptured plaque that causes a blockage and the heart can stop or go in

to a cardiac arrhythmia. If he doesn't have plaque development, he shouldn't be having a heart attack. But you can actually have, something that has to do with broken heart syndrome, which could present as a heart attack. - I guess what we all learned is that no matter who you are or where you come from room, life is a terrible thing. - No, it's not. Life is what you make of it. But on the flip side, stress is a real thing and it really does affect our bodies, and our mental state and physical s

tate. - All right, we're just gonna take a quick cap smear. - Don't you mean cap smear. - No, at this hospital we obtain the sample using beloved British comic strip browsed about Andy Capp. - Oh my gosh. I've never seen this or heard this episode, what the heck. - Hello love, let's have a smear. - What? Anybody having this type of exam will tell you, it is awful. They're both male, so nowadays you actually have a female chaperone in the room. - I'm not letting you do that, you can't even see. -

That's all right bird, I goes by smell. - The emergency department has a plethora of abnormal smells. This nose right here has the ability to pick up a lot of different smells. The smell of marijuana, or the smell of regular alcohol versus metabolized alcohol. We have the ability to just like pick up these smells just because we're around them so often. (tone) - [Coach] Good morning, are you ready to sweat? - I woke up sweating. - Okay. (Jordan laughing) - Yes. If you are sweating in the middle

of the night, one, you could be having an infection and you're breaking a fever. But the other thing you worry about with night sweats is tuberculosis. The occasional night sweat, it's fine. But something that becomes more persistent with other symptoms, just something to think about and discuss with your healthcare provider. - Check that it's covered by your health care provider! - Ow, ow, ow. My balls. - What is he doing? - No, the other ones. Ow. Ow. Ow. (Jordan laughing) Ow! - Oh my gosh. T

hank you, whoever wrote this, for calling out Peter's ball sack chin. We all think it, every time we look at him. You have this space, for a male, between your ball sack and your butthole, called your perineum. This area has specific nerves and blood vessels, and that can get compressed. If you've ever gone on long bike rides and everything feels numb down there, it's because you're messing with your pudendal nerve. Oh my gosh, they took him to the hospital. - So what do you think happened to my

voice, doc? - (laughs) Oh my gosh, this is great. It doesn't happen that way. Your vocal chords don't change tone because you got kicked in the balls. You might not wanna speak, 'cause you hurt, but it doesn't have any effect. - Peter, I'm afraid you suffered something called Pedalton Balls. (Jordan laughs) - Pedalton Balls. - Here's a video explaining everything. - Pedalton Balls. A painful condition, where your testicles get lodged next to your voice box. (Jordan laughs) - Sometimes you can a

ctually have an undescended testicle, or when it's very, very cold, the scrotum shrinks up and the testicles kind of come up in a little bit, but they shouldn't be going intra-abdominal. So no, your testicles cannot go right next to your vocal chords. - Don't worry, with the help of gravity, Pedalton Balls will clear itself. - Isn't there anything I can do to help my voice get back to normal faster? - I don't know, I just like putting on videos. (record scratches) - If you have testicles that go

inside, you need to see a urologist, and it's an emergency. You're always worried about blood supply, related to the testicles. If you don't have blood, you don't have oxygen. If you don't have oxygen to the tissue, the tissue's gonna die. If it happens to both testicles, then you're gonna run into the problem where you might become infertile. What the hell, he's stuck to the couch? It happens. It's almost like an open wound, that's then healed into the couch. Somebody puts a bandage on you and

then it dries. And the bandage sticks to your wound. It's the same idea, because the tissue is healing with that type of fabric around it. - You'll be fine. Here's a video to help you understand. - Oh my God, this doctor and his videos. No, just talk to your patient. - [Oliver] When a fat guy's sweaty skin presses against couch fabric for an extended period of time, the fabric fibers fuse together with the skin. - So almost right, it happens to everybody. The idea that the fibers are being grow

n in, the fibers don't do anything. It's the body's uptake of them. - The procedure is called "Rip you off real fast," very painful. (Jordan laughs) - Ripping it off like a bandaid. As you rip it off, you're gonna open up the wound. - Ready? - Actually, I've decided to keep the couch on me. - Really? Are you sure? - Oh yeah, this is nothing. - Can Peter actually walk around with a couch that heavy around his back? He's gonna have a lot of lower back pain. When you lift heavy objects, you need to

lift with your knees. 'Cause if you bend over at all, you're gonna put too much strain on your lower back, and be in a horrible situation. - My back! - Peter, enough is enough. - Uh oh. - That couch is coming off. (Peter grunts) (record scratches) - You wouldn't put bandages around somebody's neck like that, because you can cut off circulation to their brain. Oh, he's on a ventilator, kinda how we do things. It's pretty close. They did a good job by how it's fixed to the face. We have something

that has pads and it wraps around the tube so the tube doesn't move. - He's in what we call a comma. - He's not in a comma. - It's not a - comma. And we don't even call it comas. We just say "he's unresponsive." People can be in a coma for years. And then that becomes medical, legal, ethical situation relating to the family of the patient, and the doctors that are taking care of them. Oh, we're at a burger joint, nice. - Peter, you should really slow down. You've already had like 30 hamburgers.

- Shut up, Brian. It relieves the pain of muscular stiffness. - Oh my gosh. - And it's working. I no longer feel the pain. - Oh, he's emotionally eating. I very rarely eat hamburgers. Typically when I do, it is very lean hamburgers. - Very lean. - Balanced diet is key. - Come to think of it, I can't really feel anything on the left half of my body. - Really? That doesn't sound good. Peter, are you winking at me? - Oh no, he's stroking out. (Peter shouts) - Oh my God, - Twitching. - Someone call

an ambulance. - Are strokes caused by diet? Not immediately. A long-term bad diet could lead to other medical problems, which then increase your risk for having a clot. - Doctor, what happened? Is he gonna be okay? - Mrs. Griffin, your husband has had a stroke. The left half of his body is completely paralyzed. - Oh my God, Peter, sweetheart. (Jordan laughs) - I love that his eye is totally drooped down. No, that wouldn't happen. Most of the time you see it in a lower part of the face. Typicall

y the forehead is spared. That's also how we determine the difference between Bell's palsy, as well as a stroke. 'Cause in Bell's palsy, the whole side of the face is involved, including the forehead. - Had better days, Lois. Had better days. - But it just has a motor function deficit. Sometimes you're gonna have expressive aphasia. Somebody understands that words are coming into the brain. But when they try to say something, they'll say, "Hey Dr. Wagner, how are you?" And I'll say "Dog, cat, ba

seball." I don't think you should be driving. (Jordan laughs) If you have a stroke where you have massive deficits, you're likely gonna get your license taken away anyway, or suspended for a short period of time. Typically we do the same thing if somebody's had a seizure. You can't drive for six months, unless you're cleared by a neurologist. Oh my gosh, why is he in the basement? - Peter, are you okay? - I was down here all night. So dark. - So if he's down there all night, sleeping on a hard f

loor, you increase the risk of having muscle breakdown called rhabdomyolysis. You also are very concerned about kidney failure, because the breakdown of the muscles clogging up in the kidneys. - Oh my God, Peter, - Why did he age? - your hair! - Look at the grays! - It turned white! - What? (dramatic orchestral music) - Stress is one of the big ones that can actually cause that. I have grays. I work really hard. But a lot of times it's really a change of hair color, it's related to genetics. - O

h, how'd you get white hair again? - He was scared of a ghost. - Yes, I remember hearing about this in med school. Or was it a Scooby Doo? (Jordan laughs) - Dr. Hartman is the worst doctor. - What do I do now? I mean, should I dye it back? - Just dye it, yeah. - (laughs) I don't know why you'd ask me that. I mean, I, I don't know anything about that. How does one even go about dying one's hair? - I've never heard of anything - Oh, so crazy. - the guilt of dying your hair, Lois. It's okay if you

dye your hair, it's fine. If you want whatever color you want, dye it, get after it. - Let me get that for you, doctor. - What? Oh no. I'm not a, - Morning doctor. - Wow. Peter. They all think you're a doctor because of your hair. (Jordan laughs) I have to say, it does make you look more distinguished. - That's hilarious. - Really? - I will say as a young physician, people call me by my first name a lot. You know, if I was older, and I had gray hair, you wouldn't call me Jordan. You'd call me Dr

. Wagner. At the end of the day, that doesn't really bother me. (tone) - You want a little something to put in that orange juice? - What, why it's 9:00 AM? - Well, I figured you'd like to start your day with a stiff one. (family laughs) - You can't get a boner. - Oh, that's so messed up. They're referencing a morning erection. It's normal to have erections in the middle of the night, multiple times at night but also we call it morning wood. That is normal. - You're a failure as a man and a fathe

r. - They're talking about giving him a stiff drink. If you drink too much alcohol you're not gonna be able to get a good, solid erection. - Peter, it's nothing to get upset about. There's treatments available. - Okay, if you're having difficulty with erections there's multiple different reasons why that could occur. It could be your brain just worried about it, could be decreased blood flow. It could be underlying medical conditions that are causing the issues. - We'll go see Dr. Hartman. - I d

on't wanna do that. I'm embarrassed. - This shouldn't embarrass you. The size should embarrass you. (Jordan laughs) - Oh my gosh. We all come in different shapes and sizes. The average is a lot smaller than everybody thinks and most people are actually normal size.