Dragos Comedy (2022) - FULL SHOW: Best Case Scenario *4K with English Subs*

because are you ready for the main Act of the evening [Applause] [Music] [Applause] over here top 10 talented Romanians right here thanks a lot for coming out here tonight thank you very much for coming I'll tell you guys what usually happens with one of my shows very simple I have three categories of people that come out to my shows the first category of people is usually comprised of people that have seen my comedy online make sure that's you a couple of you guys have been following me on Tick

Tock Instagram Skype and other platforms I appreciate you guys watching the comedy and category Academy 2 is usually comprised of friends of the people that have seen my comedy online okay rather Applause for your friends over here guys thank you for bringing your front right here because I know it's with friends right it's not easy no you don't understand this guy is from Romania but he's doing comedy in English what the [ __ ] are you talking about what are you talking about no no you don't u

nderstand every night when I'm on the toilet I swipe and he makes me happy The Fetish you have over there I swipe and it makes you happy what the [ __ ] are you no no please just come with me because nobody else will [Laughter] all right all right I'm a good friend so I guess I'm gonna support your weird swiping fetish I how much is the ticket what the [ __ ] are we doing man why are we just not staying at home okay so one more round of applause for your friends over here guys they're really goo

d friends that are very supportive and they love you a lot yes and then the third category of people usually complied to comprise the people that have never seen my comedy they have no idea what kind of jokes I do but they're just here because they're particularly interested in Eastern European politics Make Some Noise if that's you watch Euro News bro well thank you very much regardless of why you're here if you're from category number two or character number three I'll give you guys a quick in

tro so we're on the same level uh my name is dragosh I'm originally from Romania Make Some Noise if you've heard of Romania everyone's like we live in London we've heard yeah we have an idea oh yeah but I'm originally from Romania if you do not know much about Romania figure out a perfect way to explain the country to you guys okay have you ever had the experience when you go to a country and upon Landing when the plane lands suddenly everybody starts clapping we're one of those countries but I

moved moving out to Berlin uh I I don't know if you've ever been to Berlin I can explain Berlin as well in a simple way you know you can learn a lot about a city from the Billboards they have in that City now recently I went to Zurich and the Billboards and Zurich said the following thing where are you investing your money now the Billboards in Berlin say this do you have chlamydia time to get a test so this is where I live okay and uh for the past two years this year I've been doing shows all o

ver because I've been over correcting you know for the past two years it was very difficult to do stand-up comedy because we had the pandemic so I was not able to perform live I mostly did two years of Zoom comedy shows now make some noise if you've ever attended a zoom comedy show okay it was just me and this guy and hahaha at one point we just took our pants off okay that's all right we're doing this bro we are all right all right they don't call it Zoom for nothing okay so it was quite a toug

h period I gotta be honestly like if you're doing live anything live it was you were dead Okay so because I wanted to leave the pandemic with some positive emotion I didn't want this to be like a like a traumatizing period I wanted to leave by doing something nice for myself I give myself my gift for a gift for all the suffering so I decided that at the end of the pandemic I would give myself the gift of buying a ticket to Mexico a little trip to Mexico this is a nice gift right but I do still t

ry to stay true to my culture my Eastern European culture so I did get a ticket to Mexico but I put a lot of effort in finding the cheapest ticket possible and I found the ticket that was 70 off and I'll give you guys a little travel hack if you travel anywhere in the world be sure to travel on the 31st of December because that's when you find the cheapest tickets okay so while you guys are spending New Years with your friends and families I was in the air for 12 hours with random strangers and

I think I had better company foreign but I was very excited to go to Mexico because I was going to Mexico now with the European passport okay because Romania has been part of the European Union since 2007 and this means you can travel to Mexico for up to six months without a Visa this also means that what German passport one French passport equals one Romanian password okay nobody's happy about it but it's true okay this is what we're in at the moment now I used to do this joke about one Romania

n passport equals one British passport and then you left you did a brexit so here we are but I can always do this joke in Germany because Germany can never do a brexit okay because a German brexit is jerks it yes it's all right then Jersey for me Germans that just jerks it for me privilege but I wanted 7 pm on the 31st of December and I showed the guy my passport and his first question was a where's your Visa and I'm like well you see I'm ego I am from Romania and because of this I can be in Mex

ico for up to six months without the Visa because Romania is part of the European Union and then he said a why [Applause] why what why is Romania part of the European Union this question again okay well let me let me educate let me tell you something hermano okay let me tell you because of Romania's strategic and Geographic positioning in the continent of Europe because of this strategic position in the USA and NATO pushed for us to join the European Union so they could place anti-russian rocket

missiles and the territory of Romania to protect against the potential Russian aggression and I know this doesn't make any sense to you now December 31st 2021. but give it two months Amigo okay and I I promise you becomes muy relevante okay necesitamos okay and then he said no you're not coming in I'm like pero Como and I was rejected entering to Mexico on the 31st of December 2021 that makes a noise if you have been rejected entry to a country before all right okay well let me tell you guys ar

e all in good position what happens is if they reject you enter into a country what they do is the following thing now from to Mexico from Berlin okay usually the process is they look at your passport and they try to send you back now I I flew from Berlin but they're like yeah we're gonna have to send you back to Romania at the moments so I negotiated by crying for 30 minutes and he said okay we are not going to send you back to Romania but we will have to interrogate you so he took me to the in

terrogation room and I was never interrogated I didn't know what to expect but I certainly did not expect this okay because he put me down in the recreation room he opened this laptop and he Googled Romania [Laughter] and then he read for like 30 minutes on Wikipedia and about 20 minutes in he's like and then he turns to me he's like Romania Dracula and I'm like is this an official immigration question because my answer will vary because if this is an official immigration question then and I was

allowed to entry to Mexico because in life you're gonna lost a lot of stuff done if you know people in high places okay and I had a splendid Time in Mexico I had a wonderful time in Mexico an amazing time in Mexico my second day in Mexico I discovered that I had coveted [Laughter] so might be thinking what a disaster Dragon well I wanted to be extremely responsible about it okay so I went to the first Mexican doctor I could find and I apologized I said Doctor perdoname please forgive me doctor

but I have done something extremely European I have brought disease to Latin America [Applause] but the doctor is very relaxed about the whole thing he said like ah don't worry about it we're used to this in Mexico a lot of Europeans have come here and we're used to all kinds of diseases at the moment in Mexico we are so Advanced that we have developed a treatment for covet and if you follow this treatment for covet covet goes away in four days amigo and I'm like wow what is this miracle treatme

nt that you have discovered and he said for four days in the morning you do this in the morning you take two paracetamols and in the afternoon three hours of reggaeton okay this is what you do you reggaeton and you buy a lot the covet away and I was like reggaeton you mean the dancing he said now I was not very familiar with reggaeton before I went to Mexico reggaeton Enthusiast here so nobody is that we don't have rhythm tonight this is the one lady over there where are you from young lady Colo

mbia is this is now for those of you that are not familiar I did a bit of research and I found out that they invented the reggaeton in Latin America for one purpose and one purpose only and that purpose is seduction it is a weapon in Your Arsenal for seduction okay and if you want to engage in seduction in Latin America it's very simple you have to use a specific part of your body you have to use here the hips you do this with your hips and it's called movimiento de culo okay and this is how you

seduce you do this movimiento de culo okay and I gotta be honest this was a massive cultural shock for me because this is not how we do seduction in Eastern Europe I was like this is how you do seduction here because in Eastern Europe if you want to say lose somebody you do not use your hips okay you use a completely different part of your body you use your shoulders [Laughter] [Music] and every girl's like oh my God look at his shoulders such strong manly shoulders I I think his grandfather ca

rried rocks in communism I love a man with strong shoulders because if his shoulders are strong then it tells me that he can lift me out of poverty [Laughter] because there's nothing more sexy than financial stability but I had a good time A Lot number I'm gonna set up some New Year's resolutions okay to have a good goal for this year Make Some Noise if you're still keeping your New Year's resolution most of you like bro it's [ __ ] November what the [ __ ] are you talking about like I I've alre

ady given up on my resolutions for next year okay that's fine I know most people treat their New Year's resolutions like a second month pregnancy abort but I'm sleeping I'm still keeping mine my New Year's resolution is very simple I want it to be a little bit more assertive this year I wanted to push back a little bit more because I'm usually very nice guys but nice guys they finish last or Home Alone so I was tested in my New Year's resolution I was flying back to Berlin this time in luxury Ry

anair Plus five euros for the extra leg room okay this is what the plus is for and I was enjoying my extra leg room I was like comes from behind he's like 60s that comes like 10 seats from behind he Taps me on the shoulder he says excuse me can you please change seats with me because I would like to sit next to my daughter and I'm like oh because normally I would just give up my seat right I'd get off my seat but I'll let this guy every family reunited what would you do sir someone's had this ex

perience before yes yes where are you from sir you're from Spain no I do not my country has given up enough I cannot I cannot give up my seat as well but I thought the same thing and I was about to tell them because in my mind I'm like why should I have to suffer just because this guy's a terrible father right I mean if he really loved his daughter he would have been better at planning the trip okay so I'm about done to go [ __ ] himself but then he senses the hesitation and he says please sir t

his is her first time flying [Music] I'm like you [ __ ] you're trying to make me the bad guy yeah so now I'm having an eternal conflict an eternal conversation myself I'm a dragon just give up the seat let this family reunite [ __ ] the five euros I'm like no drug which this is why people they take they take they take when I'm having this internal conversation I'm very perturbed at the moment and it's been 90 seconds of Silence what I'm just holding on to the seat and this guy is getting a litt

le bit annoyed and he's like hey man are you still alive so I realize I'm being super weird and I panic and in my panic I say to him she's gonna be fine [Laughter] but then I hear myself saying this and I'm like I now really sound like a weirdo what the [ __ ] and I panic again and in my panic I say uh I'm gonna take care of her [Laughter] so he took his daughter and he got off the plane okay because if you see if you push back good things happen [Music] but uh it's very interesting the past dur

ing the pandemic I was trying to I was trying to focus on improving my relationship with my parents a little bit more you know and the pandemic came around my parents my mom is 60 my dad is 70 and I was like this is it so I don't really know exactly how to improve relationship my parents so I started Googling Mental Health on YouTube okay and I found a guy who had 50 views on YouTube on a video and I was like this guy's not doing it for the money okay this guy his intentions are pure okay and in

the in the video he said the following thing he said if you want to improve your relationship with your parents you have to understand this if your parents are currently 60 and you visit them once a year then you don't have your parents for 20 more years you have your parents for 20 more visits I'm like wow this is eye-opening right so I thought to myself once the lockdown was lifted I'm gonna go I'm gonna visit my parents and I spent two weeks with my mom I spent two weeks with my dad now I ha

ve a whole new vision on the world I've decided to visit them once every five years [Applause] let's wrap it up guys let's wrap it up but it was very interesting I was talking to my parents during the pandemic I was talking to my mom quite a lot and I was talking to her because 2022 is a very big and important year for me and my mother because in 2022 we are celebrating seven years since my grandma died celebrating she deserved it but because seven years have passed you guys or seven years have

passed what we have to do now is we have to have a serious conversation on whether we are going to respect tradition or not and I come from a small City in Romania it's called buzzo it's a very famous we have McDonald's but they built the first McDonald's in 1998 and when they built that McDonald's we had one McDonald's in the city and 120 churches when they built that first McDonald's I thought it was a church from the future that does the m stand for Maria even the priest was like no no it sta

nds for money but my mom grew up in a village next to Brazil my grandma also grew up there according to my mom the tradition is if seven years have passed since your loved one has died you have to engage with a concept that we all are familiar with this concept from YouTube it is the concept of an unboxing but instead of an iPhone it's my grandma so according to my mom we have to dig up my grandma because seven years have passed and we have to open up her casket and I don't know if you've ever o

pened up the casket to the loved one after seven years but if you do don't go down this path a quick heads up two scenarios in front of you best case scenario your loved one is still dead worst case scenario they're not but apparently what we have to do is seven years have passed until other has died what we have to do is if seven years have passed what you have to do is you have to open up the casket and you have to take the Bones from the casket and you have to make borsch I'm joking that's no

t the tradition I'm joking I'm joking that's not the tradition guys I'm joking well let's see how inflation goes this year maybe it does become the tradition okay let's see how inflation goes this year no but the actual tradition is we have to take the Bones from the grave and we have to take him to the church and at the church the priest washes the bones in wine this is what my mom said okay and then you take the bones you put it back into the grave and it's game over Grandma for good now when

I tell this to people they always ask me dragons this sounds like a lot of work did you have to do this for every member of your family that has died and this is what I tell them actually there was no need to do this for my grandfather because my grandfather's bones were already soaking in alcohol and you might have picked out from that joke and say it with me if you have one at home my grandfather was an alcoholic it's a lot of trauma well it was a very fun alcoholic because he used to babysit

me and my brother drunk so when I was five and my brother was six he gave us his shotgun he pointed towards the chicken and he whispered in my ear kill it this was his Disney plus okay well I was like no grandpa I could never hurt another living being and then he said oh yeah it's you or the chicken and let me tell you why did the chicken cross the road didn't but what made my grandpa even more fun is he only had one leg he only had one leg something happened when he was like 28 then they have t

o amputate his leg apparently he got into an argument with a cow and the cow won so they gave him an old wooden prosthetic made in communism with love very little love and the prosthetic was a piece of wood another piece of wood had together by a metal clamp and he would walk around with it and every time you'd walk around it would cause a lot of pain because you'd rub against the remainder of his leg it was a lot of pain and the only available painkiller at the time was alcohol so every night h

e would spend the night at the pharmacy and he would drink and you would drink and you would drink and I don't know how much alcohol you've had in your lifetime but the more alcohol you have the more alcohol you have the more skills you unlock from deep within okay the more abilities you discover you become like an alcohol infused Pokemon and my grandfather unlocked a secret move and that secret move was domestic abuse you might be thinking to yourself drag race this is getting super dark super

fast for okay we like can we like change the story can uh can we make it happier can can the secret move that your grandfather unlocks can it be reggaeton can you just bail out the night away well you would drink and you would drink and you would drink and you'd come home in the middle of night and you would try to hit my Grandma but notice the magic word here I said he would try because he never actually managed to hit my grandma because my grandma she was always one step ahead one leg no leg f

oreign because uh my mom in the middle of the pandemic she did something very very brave she moved away from Romania in the middle of the pandemic she moved to the island of Malta very impressive right Mexico young lady whoa what was your impression how would you describe Malta these people well that I've heard I've heard otherwise I've some people have described it as a mix between LA and Baghdad so it's not far from the truth you know buzzo is kind of like La meets Baghdad okay how long were y

ou there for 10 days 10 days okay that's a long time so you have money [Applause] very nice what's your name Vanessa and you also from where are you from um that's where the Bears are from okay very nice so you went to Malta and you walked around it was nice yeah yeah but the difficulty for my mom when she moved there in the middle of the pandemic and at the age of 60 she had difficulties making friends right sometimes you move to a different cities difficult to make friends so I was giving her

some advice on how to make friends based on my experience in Berlin because when I moved to Berlin I would try out different strategies to make friends and what I would do is I would go to all the meetups I could find all the events I could find in English I would go there and just talk to people I even went to an essential oils Meetup I showed up there with a bottle of olive oil foreign but the whole meet up in Berlin was basically five German ladies in their 60s and they were not impressed the

y were like 999. olive oil is not essential and I'm like I'm I'm sorry then what is this is Germany Russian oil is essential all right wait this this Meetup is a lot more political than I thought it would be like I did not expect that so I gave my mom this advice and she was like dragos you're not thinking you don't think I'm 60 it's the middle of the pandemic if I go out to make friends the more friends I make the more friends I lose well I was like well you're not wrong so what my mom would do

to keep her social life activist she would talk to people that she already knew from Romania on Facebook she'll talk to them every day she'll talk to them every day she'll talk to them every day until they started unfriending her foreign that was more than Keen to talk to her and this group of individuals was a little bit suspicious because he was mostly comprised of my teachers from Secondary School and apparently they can't stop talking [ __ ] about me because my mom told me no dragosha at th

e moment he is doing a stand-up comedy and their response was and people pay [Laughter] yes yes Drago she goes there on a stage she talks to people they give him money like a priest foreign [Applause] because that's how my mom understands stand up comedy right it's like and it was also always her dream for me to become a priest right dragons you have to become a priest I was like why mom why should I become a dragon job stability people always die I thought you were you're not wrong but I was a

bit perplexed about their negativity about me doing status I asked my mom like what's what's up with this negativity and she inquired a bit and apparently their response was that no dragos he could never do anything on the stage because I remember dragosh when I would get them in front of the class in fifth grade to recite poetry to the other students she would always freeze up um so dragosh has stage fright now this is what they would do they get you in front of the class to recite poetry in fr

ont of the the default the whole the whole school to the body right uh do they do this here in the UK do they get you from the classroom side poetry is public humiliation part of your educational system but then I told my mom I was like you know mom actually she's right I would freeze up all the time in front of the class when I would have to recite poetry but it wasn't because I had stage fright it was because of the poetry because they would have us recite poetry written in the 1900s in Easter

n Europe and in the 1900s in Eastern Europe we only had two emotions sadness and super sadness so most of the Poetry would sound something like this I am alone in a crypt the wind is blowing cold My Friends Are Dead My Hope Is Gone I have nothing in this world but this script and the script is made of lead around me I'm surrounded by four coffins the coffins that are filled with the bones of my dreams and hopes [Music] so here I am alone inside in my and my coffins they're made of lead my heart

is heavy my heart is cold in my life I've only wished for love but life has only given me pain and suffering suffering and pain and it is now that I realize that I deserve pain and suffering so here I am I have nothing to my name but my heart and my heart is made of leg can you please explain to the class what is the message that the offer is trying to communicate this [ __ ] this poem is a metaphor okay the author is trying to communicate a beautiful message I know the author wrote this poem wh

en he was 46 and he had syphilis but it is your responsibility at the age of the 11 to tell me what did the offer truly mean with this wonderful piece of poetry tell us don't keep us you have to tell us foreign pain and suffering suffering a coffins I nothing but suffering I think the offer the mess the offer the message is the offer is communicating that he wants the the the offer is telling the reader to kill himself [Music] I believe it's a direct message I cannot believe the stupidity that i

s coming out of your mouth I cannot believe such a small mouth can generate such big stupidity I cannot everybody take a look at dragon how wrong he is I cannot believe the idiotic things in my 25 years of education I have never come across a student as dumb as dragons I cannot believe that stupidity that is do your parents tell you this at home and you come here and terrorize me with the stupidity it's not just cute dragons this is the worst class I've ever had the pleasure of teaching you are

one of the worst classes I've been in this school for 25 years and this is the worst class each and every one of you are completely stupid I cannot believe that you cannot even understand the most basic of things because it was clear to me and everybody that the offer is obviously communicating his dissatisfaction with the political system in 1800s Romania I cannot believe that you can't even decipher this go back to your seat but first uh I think I will kill myself now so you see it was not me

it was the poetry [Music] this is the Midway point of the show guys we're gonna take a small 10-minute break to air out the room at the moment to get some more alcohol and when I come back in 10 minutes of the second half and one point of warning the second half gets darker see you guys in 10 minutes okay hey hey hey hey it's me the guy from the first half of the show dragush I hope you guys are enjoying the first half of my stand-up comedy special the best case scenario a little bit of info I'v

e done this show for the past two years it took me two years to put the show together and I've toured it all over Europe and at the moment I've decided to put it out here for free so you can enjoy it you and your family can enjoy it for Christmas all I ask if you are having a good time is I'm just asking you to press the like button subscribe to the channel to get more comedy in the in the coming year and if you are really really enjoying it you can also press the super thanks button the super t

hanks button allows you to donate some money there's also a couple of other resources in the bio like a link to buying a coffee or buy me a kebab as I call it um but if you do not have any Financial availability at the moment to give money that's completely fine one thing I do ask is maybe you can help share and leave a comment okay share it on Instagram share it on Facebook Twitter Mastered on Skype or any other social media they might be using leave it in the comment section on PornHub okay ju

st do whatever you can to help get this out there to the people and hopefully I will be able to perform this live in front of you in 2023 or 2024 but if you would like for me to come to your city one last final request there's a link in the bio that says request to show in your city please leave me your email there and your city and that way I know how many people there are in different kind of cities and I can plan my shows better for next year okay well I'll leave you guys I'll leave you with

this thank you very much once again for watching the uh the special I hope you enjoyed the second half it does get a little bit darker so uh if it's too dark let me know in the comments but uh thank you very much and happy New Year and merry Christmas guys all right ladies one second getting back with the second half Ron Roblox for the second half guys let's all right we got everybody back in here the ladies are back the brushov lady that brought her friend over here are you also from Romania yo

ung lady very nice and import all right very good where are you from young lady Latvia I'm not sure if people are from Latvia or they're just happy they know of it we've heard this name before very good you're from Lithuania yeah yeah yeah yeah it's very nice yes like a lot of people tend to do that with like oh Budapest Bucharest get it right [ __ ] it's uh it's like confusing India with Pakistan okay it's not okay very nice we're back for the second half over here I'll tell you guys I was tell

ing you guys a little bit about the situation my mom when we left you off she was in Malta Malta what a wonderful place in Malta but the problem is I was talking to my mom during the panda because I noticed she has something me and her we have something in common I think you might have this as well we both suffer from something called the worst case scenario mindset because whatever happens we always think of the worst case right especially during the pandemic it was difficult not to think of th

e worst case scenario because I was telling her advice look my pandemic is over now just go out meet some people in mountains what if I give them coffee they give me coffee then we all died but it is something you spend a lot of time on as Eastern European you do have this worst case now in mind that even though I when I was working before I've spent a lot of time thinking oh should I ask my boss for promotion but what if he says no and then he realizes it doesn't actually need me and then he fi

res me and then I can't find another job and then I become unemployed I become homeless and then I die okay so a lot of time you spend the Eastern European mind spend a lot of time just obsessing about the worst case scenario mindset what is the worst thing that could possibly happen out of every decision so when the pandemic came around I thought to myself this pandemic is actually a great opportunity for me to change my mindset I'm going to be a bit more positive and think of the best case sce

nario so I was like what is the best thing that I can get out of the pandemic so I thought to myself I live in Germany I'm gonna learn German that's the best thing I can get we have any Germans here it's very shy you know the Germans are shy now not that much of 44 but now they're very shy right but I thought to myself if you want to learn German the language of the country you have to speak the language every day right so I thought myself let me move in with a German so I found a German housema

te and I thought to myself I'm going to talk to my German hospital every day now talk to him every day now good plan on paper but in reality I I talked towards him and then my mom is in malta my father I have a family and then he would run away okay this is most of the interaction right away into his room and I didn't have to practice I couldn't practice my German quite a lot but then what would happen is four weeks later he came and knocked on my door and he said I have to confess something whe

n he told me about your family it moved me and I have to confess I also have a family [Laughter] I'm like oh my God you're being so vulnerable right now it's unbelievable and he told me that his grandfather is 75 years old and at the age of 75 he has Alzheimer's now do you remember what Alzheimer's does sir or have you forgotten [Laughter] but it turns out his grandfather who has Alzheimer's last year for Christmas he told me that he contracted kovid now that's a fun mix of diseases because you

know what happens when you have Alzheimer's and then you get covered you forget you have covet so his grandfather spent two weeks during Christmas visiting all of his friends and family he went from door to door hello hello and in two weeks he ranked up 40 kills beating his record from his teenage years by seven but do you know what the best thing about killing all your friends and family for Christmas is because of Alzheimer's zero guilt you can start again from scratch okay so I was telling th

e story to my mom I was like look you see if you put yourself out there good things happen so my mom took my advice and she went to the first event they organized in Malta after the lockdown was lifted and the first event they organized the malta was a concert by the Pope now do you remember the Pope the religious figure the religious pop star the Pope the guy with the hats and the guy with the hat and the children remember him yeah not to be confused with Santa that's a different pedophile okay

but the pope organizes religious concerts around the world there's religious context and I've never been to one I was like Mom you should go to the concert let me know how it is I'll go to the concert and I'll film it all with my phone okay so my mom filmed the whole Pope concert with her phone and sent it to me and I you know they advertised it as a religious concert but she sent it back to me and I've come to the conclusion that it is heavy metal as [ __ ] because let me tell you what happens

at the pope concert okay if you've never been to a pope concert what happens is the first five rows at the pope concert they're full of people with terminal illnesses in wheelchairs okay leukemia cancer you name it okay and they come to the pope concert so the pope can heal them now do you know what the pope does he doesn't heal him maybe next album [Laughter] but what the pope does is he has a guy with a massive loaf of bread on stage and he takes small pieces of bread and for 40 minutes he th

rows Breads in the audience okay the pope spends 30 minutes throwing bread at people with terminal illnesses in wheelchair and they tried to catch it Allah they say it's religious but it's heavy metal as [ __ ] because it looks like a Feeding Frenzy for disabled pigeon okay now I know that joke is terrible but I'm going to hell for it okay now I was doing everything in German to practice my German and when I moved into the apartment I thought to myself I'm gonna sign this contract in German beca

use I've got this turns out did not have it and I agreed to rent a room in the apartment that came with no furniture and I was like that's fine mistakes are made you know we go back to Ikea and we we start from scratch okay and because I have large Ambitions for myself I went to Ikea and I ordered a king-sized bed large ambitions but the level of my German is very very low and I accidentally ordered a single person mattress [Laughter] ran out of money because they don't pay so my bed during the

pandemic was a king-sized bed a single person mattress and the single person hole okay so I decided to live my life like that when I met my girlfriend invited over I opened the door and I was like what do you think and I heard reply was like oh my God that I gosh I never realized that you are an artist [Laughter] is the hole in your bed a metaphor for the whole in your heart [Laughter] well actually it's a metaphor for my dissatisfaction with the political system in 1800s hahaha I thought it was

quite simple you can tell you guys I have to rock paper scissors to see who sleeps in the hole tonight okay and let me tell you it's all so I have to walk away and protest but that's not the hole I wanted [Applause] but I couldn't live my life like that because this was insane right so I went back to Ikea and I did the logical thing and the logical thing in this context is you get another single person mattress okay this is the only logical thing you can do because you already have one mattress

okay but mistakes were made once again and my bed was now a king-sized bed a single person mattress soft and the single person mattress so I ended up with this weird yin-yang bad situation at my house yin yang bad situation at my house and every night I would have nightmares I would go from one side to another and I would have nightmares and the recurring nightmare every night the same nightmare the nightmares that I'm never fast enough to catch the bread at the pope concert laughs [Music] what

do you think the thing about comedy is what you have to do is to write jokes you have to take a real story and you have to exaggerate it to make it funny simple right now with this particular story I had to make it less ridiculous to make it believable because the real stories I went to Ikea I got a king-sized bed I got a single person mattress I spent four hours sitting up the bed myself then I took the mattress I put it on the bed and it fell through [Laughter] because apparently you have to

order the bed grades that support the mattress separately that is a separate purchase okay and nobody tells you okay so the first night with this new mindset I ended up sleeping on my mattress in my bed on the floor okay it's like a cartoon but the funny thing is that because I'm a bit more positive at the moment when I was sleeping on my mattress in my bed on the floor looking around I realized something great that the bed frame looks like a castle it's a king-sized bed I am the king and my kin

gdom is insanity that's the truth yes that is ah it's true this is exactly what happened it's it's you can't make this [ __ ] up let's talk to some of you guys over here too we have what about the young lady over there where are you from young lady from Hong Kong and you've moved here to London we're not going to ask why we're gonna ask when how long ago have you been in London for last year okay well now we know why okay and what is your name Nikki and what do you do here Nikki what is your occ

upation uh is that what is the the object of your study graphic design okay so you want jobs okay very nice and you're here with your friends also from Hong Kong and this is your idea or whose idea was it you are swiping and swiping and ah this feels good very nice so you guys are all students here no no we make money we have jobs actually we we figured out what we want to do with our lives and uh it's not graphic design let me tell you that guys what is your name young lady Alice and what do yo

u what do you do Finance okay so the devil that's fine okay I can't say the devil in London I mean the Russian that's what I had hey we know where that money's from okay very nice all right for my occupation formal occupation very nice let's not use the word Russian occupation the same sentence I think it's not I think it's not good okay very nice the gentleman over here still also from Hong Kong yes are you also in finance or no no Performing Arts Administration you know some people consider st

and-up comedy in arts some people but not my mother okay man that's round replies for them guys they came all the way out here and let's box that what else we have over here what about the uh what about the gentleman with the with the with a clear lack of hair what's your name sir what things what is your name I like the light is right above you and you're like killing me Antonio Anatoly okay very nice you already told me you're from Moldova yes yes do you guys know Moldova okay very nice if you

don't know give it give it one year and a half I'll be in the news okay and you've come Anatoly from Moldova kishino bulge oh bolts is a city in kishino that means puddles sometimes you give names from things you have you know this is very nasty what do you do Anatoly accounting oh what's your favorite number [Laughter] 69 bro that's the only acceptable answer you know you should use that on Tinder yes and I told you you're here with your friends your girlfriend your sister just random person t

here I don't this is this is random we are together we will never be friends you guys don't know each other yes what's your name like I felt something but now I don't okay nice where are you oh the friend is like no I'm not I also am not sleeping with him tonight this is the thing as a guy sometimes you just have to you know very nice and the ladies where are you guys from me I'll remaining I'm very nice so you guys so Romania Moldova how do you feel about reunification with Moldova that's becau

se like before this comment I was foreign you guys moved here how long ago too many years ago too many years ago do you guys go back to Romania often last time I've been like five years ago oh wow what the [ __ ] and I thought I hated my family you understand yeah it's very nice but I you know I've been going more and more for a minute this year because of comedy and I went back in August and I was surprised to see how good things are getting at the moment you know you might not believe this but

things are getting better you know there's a level of opulence that I've never seen before and I realized this while I was walking in Bucharest on the on the street and I walked into a corner store in August to get a bottle of water because it was hot and the lady she wasn't paying attention to me because she was watching the war on TV season two [Laughter] and I say to her it's terrible what's happening with this war and then she says to me it is but do you want to know the truth I was like wh

at is this level of opulence at the moment in Romania where you have the truth about the war because they don't give it to us in Germany and you have the truth about the war here in the same establishment that also sells sliced salami like what's the deal do I have to buy the sliced salami to get the truth about the war and she said of course well cut me 300 grams of that sliced salami and let's hear the truth about the war and he says okay this is the truth about the war are you paying attentio

n I'm like yeah this is the truth about the war Angela Merkel was a nudist I was like what war are you talking about because yours sounds more fun than mine I I think I do want to hear about the nudism Wars this is no no listen up Angela Merkel was a nudist and she used to spend a lot of time in Eastern Europe doing nudism okay back in the 90s he was walking around in the nude everybody knows I'm like yeah everybody and that's when it happened that's when the Russians they got naked photos of An

gela Merkel and for the past 20 years there have been blackmailing the German political system with these nudes of Angela America and this is how their greatest win was in 2014 because they used the news of Angela Merkel in 2014. did you see the Lutheran because I saw them they're good fun fact if you Google news on see them okay this is but because of these nudes of Angela Merkel the the biggest win for the Russians was in 2014 because they used this new devangela Merkel to convince the Germans

to shut down their nuclear reactors I mean so far the timeline matches okay so far the timeline makes sense and now the Germany was over reliant on Russian oil and gas and was great for Putin but everything changed in 2021 because in 2021 something big happened in 2021 Angela Merkel she stepped down as the chancellor of Germany and Germany got a new Chancellor Olaf Schultz and this was terrible for the Russians because the Russians they have zero nudes they don't have even one measly dick pic o

kay they don't have anything so the only option left was to invade Ukraine to get nudes of all our shoulders and this is the truth about the war and I was like wow to be honest when I have a story and you told me you had the truth about the war I was skeptical but boy oh boy you deliver not only did you deliver it but you over deliver because you gave me the Naked Truth okay crazy but I've been away now from Romania for a couple of years but I do spend a lot a lot of my time trying to forget som

e things from Romania and uh one of the things that I'm trying to forget there's a phrase that will set to me throughout the entirety of my childhood this phrase was said to me every day of my childhood and the phrase was what will the neighbors fear all right boys what will the neighbors think every corner of my life would bump into this phrase dragos you want to do a stand-up comedy but the neighbors it's like you don't even care what they want [Music] like lady floricica from the fifth floor

who's 78 she wants you to become a doctor is that because she needs a kidney Mom that's why that's why she wants me to become a doctor every day or the obsession with the neighbors constantly obsessed with what will the neighbors think because this is in a lot of countries around the world this is the hierarchy especially Eastern Europe the hierarchy is number one is God number two is The Neighbors number three and four and five usually cheese of some sorts and then somewhere at the bottom maybe

you or whatever you want right but what will the neighbors think a constant obsession with the neighbors and I remember I stopped believing so much in our neighbors because when I was 14 one of our neighbors he got super famous because uh he was featured on the five o'clock news in the Romania okay and the five o'clock news we also call it the murder news because usually it is a collage of all the crimes in the country and they show it at 5 PM because all the children they come home from school

at 3 pm and they need to know what the worst case scenario looks like okay they need to know otherwise what is the point of educating them okay and one of our neighbors he got so drunk that he stabbed another guy at the pharmacy so hard that he split his kidney into two the weird thing about that our whole city was very proud it was like yeah yeah you don't mess with Brazil yeah laughs and I still when I saw that on TV I pointed towards the TV and I said to my mama and he said that's our neighb

or that's our neighbor do you think that our neighbor before stabbing the other guy do you think he stopped for a second and he asked himself the question but what will the neighbors be what will the neighbors think and in my mind I like to think that he came to the conclusion that you know what I think the neighbors are going to be extremely supportive and he continues stabbing that guy okay but constantly with the neighbors constantly with the neighbors even when I actually came to studying th

e UK for a Manchester up north and when I was coming here my mom was like dragon you're going to the UK you're going to the good world you're going to the UK you're going to the good world because to my mom everything west of Romania is the good World okay everything west of Romania maybe not hungry but but [Music] everything was the Romania with the exception of Hungary is the good world I have to go to the good world the good World they live different they are civilized Dragon shares everybody

in the UK I must help you impress your neighbors in the UK this is why I have bought for you a set of matching pajama pants and shirts because this is how the Civilized World lives they have matching pajama pants and shirt I'm like Mom what the [ __ ] are you talking about listen to me and also here is an envelope full of money do not trust any ATM for the first two months okay because what if the hackers they copy your card and then they steal your money and then you can't pay your rent and th

en they become homeless and then you die okay this is a very legitimate concern what will the neighbors think a constant constant Obsession but I even though the past couple of years of the pandemic have been particularly difficult if you're doing Live Comedy I'm happy we had the pandemic I'm happy we had the pandemic because you know what the pandemic did for me it killed most of my neighbors okay it killed most of my neighbors what will the neighbors think well let me ask them in seven years o

kay let's dig them up and ask and seven years what will the neighbors think yes constantly constantly let's talk to the more of you guys over there what about that what about the young ladies in the third row what to be behind the journal from Hong Kong yes what are your names yeah you yes Daria and are you also from Poland Central Europe [Music] according to them but not the abortion laws no let's not be too tough on Poland to Poland had a tough two years you know the past couple of years they

got a lot of bad press but this year you know they're a lot of bad press because the whole abortion thing because they're like we want more people and this year they got more people they got a lot more people this year I guess God works in mysterious ways very nice are you both from Poland what is your name the other lady you went Eurovision Army I got IGA but in the UK interesting I also when I first moved to the UK I also changed my name because uh dragons was a bit too it's a bit too aggressi

ve I wanted to have something a bit more local so I changed my name to Rajesh [Laughter] [Applause] very nice and you've come here to study or what brings you here you worked very nice contributing paying taxes what is your job I got banking as well everybody's in Bank okay next time more expensive tickets okay and you know you've been away from Poland now for how many years whoa you really said thank you no [Music] and do you still 17 years do you still follow Paul well that's not good for your

mental health because I gotta be honest I you know I was following Romanian news for a long time but now I no longer follow your Romanian news because uh very simple Romanian news follows me and I usually eat like a friend of mine who's sometimes I'm the only remaining that they know so they send me articles they find because sometimes they pop up on Euro News or somewhere but last year was a big year for Romania news because I had about like four friends in the UK send me a same article the sa

me article on the right have you seen this article about Romania on the front page of the BBC and I'm like oh no and they sent me over the article and this was that this was the title of the article this was the title of the article the title of the article was Romanian priest drowns baby in baptism oh and all my friends from the UK they're like dragwash what the [ __ ] is happening in Romania and why are the priests drowning babies so now of course I have to defend my country I have to be like

hey man this is culturally insensitive this is my culture okay don't judge our Traditions okay because in Romania we are Christian Orthodox okay and it is a very important part of the Christian Orthodox faith that every child gets a baptism and the baptism process is straightforward nothing complex you take a child by the leg and you use a cheese grating motion to dip the child in holy water until until the child's first word is Jesus okay the child doesn't say Jesus you don't stop okay not wron

g not wrong Christos okay we'll take that for me a lot of my friends when I told him is this is not okay isn't this dangerous this is Extreme this sounds extremely dangerous I'm like of course it's dangerous but this is the first thing you have to understand about Eastern Europe Only the Strong Survive because if you can't survive the baptism then how are you going to survive the medical system occasional system up you think you can handle metaphors if you can't even handle the baptism but no dr

agons this is not okay for the love of God hey man you're using the word love in an incorrect manner okay let me teach you something else this is not how we use the word love in Eastern Europe this is how the correct way of using the word love is this drag wash if you really loved me you would take out the trash so the original purpose of the word love is for emotional blackmail of course this is why we have it but no dragons you have to do something about this this is very troubling you have to

look into the situation I was like you know what I am actually a bit suspicious of this news because there's a lot of fake news circling around the internet right so I'm gonna go and I'm gonna read this article and the original language was written Romanian so I find out if this was fake news or not so I went and I read the original article in Romania and I was shocked to find out that this was a little bit misreported because in the original article in Romanian it was clearly stated that they

did an autopsy on the baby and the baby did not drown this was fake news the baby the baby the baby had a heart attack from the shock so this is a completely different cause of death okay this is completely different the title of the article should have been Romanian priest shock's baby with the Holy Trinity but had the baby drown what better way to drown drowner isn't that a fast track to heaven but I was given some positive advice you know positive advice and I left remain a possible advice bu

t even the positive advice has a hint of this worst case scenario mindset in it okay because when I left Romania mama told me like tragus you're going to the good world and you go through a good world you should be kind to others you should be helpful to others you should be as do everything you're possible to help others however if anyone is ever kind or helpful to you you should be extremely suspicious okay because you can be kind to others but others want to steal your [ __ ] okay so there is

an actual Obsession there is a permeation of this worst case scenario mindset in a lot of the culture so this is why at the end of the show I'd like to encourage you guys that when you go out into the world try to leave some of that worst case not your mindset here and try to embrace more of a best case scenario mindset how can things go in a positive way for you this year okay and stop worrying so much about your neighbors don't worry about your neighbors unless your neighbors Russia didn't wo

rry but uh this is the end of the show guys thank you very much for coming out foreign [Applause] thank you for coming out we are thank you thank you I appreciate you guys coming out I hope you guys enjoyed it uh we're gonna do the following thing now because we do have a second show I'm gonna have to ask you to give us a quick Hand by taking your drinks to the bar if you have the little little glass and if you want to take a photo I'll come back to the stage so we can take a quick photo after I

turn my cameras because I have to do this as well but then uh that's it thanks a lot for coming out hope you guys enjoyed it I'll see you guys again next time bye foreign [Music] thank you thank you