How am I going to prepare you? We'll put you in a black iron pot... Then we'll melt a bit of bacon fat... That will be absolutely delicious. Then, once you're all plucked,
you'll be gutted... Maybe we'll stuff you a bit... We'll season you
with some delicious spices. We'll add some star-anise, allspice... ...peppercoms,
juniper berries, and everything. We'll grind it all up
with mortar and pestle and then we'll rub it into your skin. It's going to be just lovely, yes... It'll be great fun. Then
the oven will get nice and warm,
oooh... It will be nice and cozy,
you'll see, my little darling. So, we should get back to work,
shouldn't we? I'll eat some of you, too,
don't worry. With the discovery of cooking,
Stone Age people developed into Homo sapiens. Cooking is the mother of philosophy,
chemistry, and physics. Cooking is poetry,
transformation, creation... Cooking is the oldest art form,
older, even, than cave painting. My mother didn't want me
to become a chef. "Oh well, at least
you'
ll always have enough to eat." That was the best
she had to say on the subject. Indeed, I always had
more than enough to eat. I was never a glutton.
Pleasure isn't born of excess. But I always wanted a nice belly. My mother had a beautiful belly
when she was carrying my sister, and I swore to myself
that when I grew up, I'd have a big, warm, soft, firm belly
just like hers. Most childhood dreams fade with age,
and we laugh them off as adults. I, on the other hand, worked
persistently to achieve
my dream, and every centimeter of my belly
filled me with pride. When I wasn't cooking
or shopping for ingredients, which took up the greater part
of my time, I would observe women.
I especially loved watching waitresses. Watch out, they'll be leaving soon. What do you mean?
- They'll run off without paying. We don't treat our guests like cheats. Ready! Three... four!
And... one, two, three, four! Five, six, seven!
And back you go! Two, three, four!
And stomp! And clap your hands!
One, two, thre
e, four! And inhale!
One, two, three, four! And... four, five, six! What are you, a shop detective? I cook. Forfun or professionally?
- Both. So you always cook,
even in yourfree time? Yes. If that's so, you hang out here
and stare at women an awful lot. Or do you do that for inspiration? What would I inspire you to cook? Nothing at all. Yourwait... w... w... waitress outfit
is unimaginative and you smell of stale coffee and second-rate cake. Thanks a lot. Was she playing by the fountain?
- No h
arm done. Oh my, that shouldn't happen.
I fell asleep. Thank you.
I really must apologize. I'm the one who must apologize.
- What for? For yesterday.
- I was a bit snippy myself yesterday. Really... cute, your little girl. Yes...
She'll be five tomorrow. Tomorrow?
- Yes. Well, then... There you go. Well, goodbye, then. And thank you! Can I take over table two?
- No. Please? Avery pleasant day to you. Is everything all right like that? My, that's lovely.
What is it? Ab... b... birthday present. F
... for Leonie.
- You ought to give it to her yourself. Look, someone
has a birthday present for you. Hello!
- Look at that! I don't even know your name. Barbier, Gregor Barbier. Gregor has a present for you, look! Ahuge present! Here! A present! Look at that!
- Present! Oh, a cake! Unfortunately,
Leonie isn't much of a chocolate fan. Not at all, actually. There.
- But only one, you hear? You want more, do you? Leonie, that's enough now. You mustn't eat them all at once.
- There! Leonie, stop it
now.
Come, that's enough, Leonie! I told you not to eat any more! Leonie, stop it! We're glad you were born, little dear
- Leonie! Enough! We'd miss you so if you weren't here! We've come because we want to say All the best on your special day! Leonie, look what you've done! Leonie ate too many chocolates...
- Are there any... ...any more of those damn chocolates? The chocolates are just for decoration.
The cake... ...is made with nuts.
- I don't give a damn what's in the cake! Yes, come here.
Yes, of course! Yes, Grandpa will take care of it. There you go.
Mommy's coming, don't worry. How could she let this happen? My mommy! It's pretty obvious, I'd say. Chocolate doesn't agree with Leonie. It never has. Most certainly not in that quantity. That's what I thought at first. Honey, could you tum off the light? I'm really tired. You know,
I tried one of those chocolates. And, was it good? Good? I think Leonie was in paradise. And she simply didn't want to leave. That's why she had such a
fit. Not 'cause the chocolates
made her sick or anything. I would've given anything
for another one, too. Xaver? Xaver... You can't imagine
what that chocolate did to me. It was overwhelming. That fat chef is a real genius. I even daydreamed about it. I dreamed of letting one of those
chocolates melt in my mouth and sleeping with you
at the same time. That would be a double orgasm. I'm going to get us some. Ouch! Good evening... ...Ms. Drebb. May I ask what you're doing
in my herb garden? Excus
e me. I... I didn't mean to... It's 'cause of Leonie. Is she ill?
Is that why you're here? She drew this for you. Thank you. Did you hurt yourself? Your chocolates
have transformed Leonie. It was a truly wonderful experience and she'll always
be grateful to you for it. Her greatest wish is to have
another one of those chocolates. Why not? Because I can't.
They were one-of-a-kind. I couldn't reproduce them. I really have to get back to work.
- Of course. Excuse me. What are you making?
- I'm... .
..experimenting! I don't mean to be pushy,
but could I try a tiny bite of that? Then I'll leave, I promise.
- It's... not finished yet! I don't mind. What did you make? That's totally irrelevant. You eat, and I'll go to the wine cellar.
When I get back, I want you to... ...be gone. It's a deal. Ladies and gentlemen,
dancing keeps you young. Now we're going to leam something
called Salsa. Salsa means "spicy-hot."
That suits our mood today perfectly. First, let the air out. That's it. Wait, now I
let the air out
on the wrong side. Okay, I start with
my left foot forward, you with your right foot in back. Ready?
Three... ...four and... forward! Very good! Yes, we all know this one...
"The Harlem Shuffle"! Everyone grab a partner.
It doesn't have to be your own. How was the espresso? Okay, under the circumstances. Then try this one. How did you manage that?
- Magic. I decalcified the machine. Sorry for barging in on you yesterday
and wolfing down all yourfood. I'm terribly embarrassed abou
t it. Don't you know
what you want to cook? If you want my opinion,
I wouldn't change a thing. It was divine. Will you forgive me? And do me a favor? Could you keep it to yourself
that I came by last night? Could that be our little secret? Promise?
- Yes, sure. Thank you. Waitress?
The check, please! I forgot to ask
what I had last night at your place. You were eating bull's testicles. You're not serious, are you?
- From half a herd, to be exact. Waitress! You're hungry, huh?
- Grandma's cooking
is best, isn't it? Now it's your turn.
You haven't eaten a thing. You don't have any yet.
There. You don't like it? No, no, it's very good.
I just have an upset stomach. She hasn't eaten in days. Well, I think it tastes great. Me, too.
- Thank you. You do, too, Leonie, don't you? Right, Sweetie? Come, eat a little something,
at least. I am eating. Don't pressure her
if she doesn't want to. You don't have to if you don't want to.
- She'll have her reasons. Let her be. Is there something wrong
wi
th the scallops? Shall I get you something else? Do you have anything... ...like grasshoppers,
or earthworms maybe? Or bull's testicles? Yes, that's right, pull him out.
- Huh? Can you? I'll hold it for you. Oh, man! Got it?
- Hello. What are you doing? Leonie's leftovers.
Can't throw them out. But you should.
- That's hard for the war generation. Ah, the war generation.
- Well, my mother, actually. And she brought me up that way. Look, there's the frog, here.
- Just a little... But it doesn't r
eally matter. It's nice to see you again. Say hello.
- Hello, Gregor. Leonie's always happy
when she's by the water. How's your restaurant doing? What would you say if I were to come
as a normal, paying guest? Why not? No free tables till February. Next February?
I see. There are only three tables. What if I were to return the favor
and invite you over to our place and cook for you?
Say, next Tuesday? You could meet my husband.
He's very nice, don't worry. Daddy's pretty nice, isn't he?
- Yes. Y
es?
- Yes. Yes!
- Yes, but I'm afraid... What a pity.
Leonie would love it if you came over. Wouldn't you, Leonie?
If he came to dinner? Yes.
- Yes. I have an idea.
I'll cook... ...eitherway,
whether you come or not. Come if you feel like it.
It's totally up to you. Okay? Okay. Gregor! How nice that you came. Actually,
I was expecting you last week. Mommy, come. Mommy, come! Excuse me. Sorry that you had to cook, after all.
- I enjoy cooking. I apologize. Mmm.
- Is it yummy? Yes. She really like
s it. Eden. What did she say?
- Eden. Eden.
- Eden? As in paradise? Yes.
She means me. That's my name.
Eden, like the garden. Thank you. On here.
- There you go. There?
- Some there, too. There, too.
- Some more? Chocolate-Cola sauce... That's my childhood fantasy. It tastes fantastic! There.
Yummy. Eat! I have to go now. But you're making pancakes. Shouldn't you be trying new recipes?
If Leonie's bothering you, we'll leave. No, no... I just thought
we'd pop in and say hi. And now you're cooking
for us and all.
I feel bad. Oh...
- If she's making too much mess, just say so. Rules are important. Do you want to make some dough, too?
- Yes. Leonie, what are you doing? Mommy!
- I'm over here! There's nothing she might break
in there? My absolute favorite.
Chocolate-Cola sauce. Gregor loves Chocolate-Cola sauce,
you know. Alittle on here... There you go.
On the salad, too. Incredible, she finished
her plate again. D... do you mind? Does your husband know you're here? No. Tuesday is his nigh
t out with the boys,
which is supposedly oh-so-important
for his social standing. Actually, he's at a strip joint with
his buddies, playing the big spender. That's his little secret. And I'm yours? Not exactly the youngest, your Cognac. I can't drink any more.
Otherwise I'll get too drunk. But you have to finish your glass. The rest is for you.
I really can't manage any more. Excuse me. You're drunk, too. But only a tiny bit. Do you drink a lot
when you're cooking? No. I hardly ever drink alcoho
l, actually. I've got to go now. Me, too. I really enjoy being here. Bye. Is there some reason to celebrate? What's the matter? Has something happened? You're so radiant. Did you win the lottery?
Or a new lover? Yes. And what a lover! I could almost go for another round...
of Drebbling. Can you show me
how that works again? Hello, everyone! My name's Xaver Drebb. Today you're going to learn
a new swim stroke: The revolutionary Drebble, named for
its inventor, whom you see here. Hello. No exchang
e possible.
- No really, please keep it. Just consider it
a small token of thanks. I cook without you, too.
Please. How much does
one of your dinners cost? It's not exactly cheap. How much? 300 euros. Why don't you cook something
normal people can afford? You could really do
some good that way. Trust me, I know. There's a dog out there. There's a dog in your garden.
Hey! Come here. Is he yours? Hi, there!
Hi, doggie. Go on, get out!
- Oh, don't! Why?
- Adog doesn't belong in the kitchen. I'm ove
rwhelmed. Tell me, what's your secret? I think of you. Well... The fish... ...with the hint of coffee? And, um... ...in combination
with these flowers... Fabulous.
Absolutely delicious. What gave you a crazy idea like that?
- The recipe was in a magazine. Want some more? Have a little more. Hey, Xaver.
We're ready when you are. Where are you? What? And you stand up yourfriends
for that? Yeah, see you.
Bye. He hasn't had his dessert yet. You're the dessert, aren't you?
- Yes... and no. Eden...
Fr
ank and Martin are waiting for me. I really have to leave.
- Unwrap your present. Come on! You're completely cra... It's all yours. Was that in the magazine, too? Here you go, guys...
Your beer. Enjoy. I think they're having a rough patch.
I've heard it around. He told me their marriage
is better than ever. I heard his wife whets
her appetite elsewhere. Eden? "On our most recent visit,
the cooking eroticist, Gregor Barbier, performed his culinary love-making
seven times in a row... Cordelia, a b
it higherwith the hips!
Just a bit! ...and managed to peak seven times. We were treated to a sensual feast
and an orgy of aromas, and fell head over heels
for Barbier's Cu... Cucina Erotica." Mrs. Brunnmeier!
Remember: Right-left! So, what are you trying to say? Nothing. Maybe I should pay
this cooking eroticist a visit, eh? I already tried.
He's all booked up till next February. I see. Well, I'll be damned. And Eden eats there
every week, huh? May I ask what brings you
to Bad Herrenalb, Mr. Ste
wer? I don't think
that's any of your business. Oh, is that what you think?
Well, I think you'd better get out, now! Resisting a police officer.
This is getting better by the minute! Bravo! If you can repeat
this evening's performance, I'll make you
the greatest chef on the planet! And now, champagne for everyone! And so I started waiting tables. In a family business
everyone helps out. And before you know it,
you're a waitress. My motherwas a waitress, too. Excuse me. Now I owe you one. Did you
know that...
Leonie would be disabled? On the ultrasound they discovered
a white spot in her heart area. Her heart valves didn't shut properly because part of the septum
was missing. The doctors didn't think
she could survive. Xaver and his parents
were totally against me having her. There was a point when I thought
it'd be betterfor her not to be bom. Then she started to hit and kick... ...and I knew she wanted to live. And after she was born,
they managed to fix her heart defect. You made the
right decision. No, it was Leonie's decision. It was quite simple. For me, anyway. And your husband? It's still difficult for him. And you didn't want
any more children after that? No, I really do, actually. But somehow
I can't seem to get pregnant again. I really love
watching you clean chanterelles. You do it so elegantly. They smell of forest.
- You have to fry them, right? No, you can also eat them raw. And?
- Not very good. No, actually,
they're toxic when they're raw. That was a great ide
a,
the diving goggles. Ludwig came up with it. Has Ludwig always been deaf-mute? Ludwig used to be the headwaiter
for Duchenes. Duchenes
is the world's greatest chef. But he contracted a virus
and lost his hearing, then his voice,
and consequently his job. Did you try
the minted mascarpone creme? It made quite an impression. My husband couldn't get over
the aroma. Did you soak the base
with a bit of Cognac? The base was perfect, yes. Clap your hands!
And... one, two, three, four! Five, six, seve
n, eight! Step it up a bit, you guys! And... stamp yourfeet!
Clap your hands! And... one lady down! On to the next lovely lady! One, two, three!
And change your partners! And four, five, six!
From the beginning! And one, two, three, four... How come you don't have
a wife or a girlfriend? You could win any woman's heart,
and not only with your divine cooking. It just never happened, somehow. You mean...
you've never been with a woman? Would you like to be? Present company excluded,
of course. I c
an't. Doctor's orders.
I'm simply too fat. And my heart... You know... And one, two, three,
four, five, six! And back again!
Back, two three four! And stomp! And clap!
And move two ladies down! Two ladies down! Thank you, everybody! By the way,
I can't come next Tuesday. My husband's taking Leonie and me
to Paris for a long weekend. To a luxury hotel. You must tell me
the best place to eat. Duchenes, of course. Ludwig will get you a table...
- Okay. Then you can tell me who's
the better cook, Du
chenes or me. Okay, I'll do that. I'm so happy, and all thanks to you. Sorry?
- Yourfood and your company have turned me into a new person. And Leonie, too. She's been sleeping
through the night these past weeks. You can't imagine
what that means to us. I think you've transformed Xaver,
as well. He's more and more
like the man I fell in love with. Oh, come on,
now surely you're exaggerating. No, since I met you,
my life is a thousand times better. And you aren't even happy about it.
- No, I am.
Would you prefer
that I didn't visit anymore? No, I wouldn't. Okay. Bonjour. May I come in? He looked after her beautifully
and she really opened up. In the end the ice really broke.
We stayed at Disneyland an extra day because Leonie enjoyed it so much.
Rather, all three of us did. Maybe this was the breakthrough.
- Did you go to Duchenes? We didn't get around to it. Xaver insisted I buy expensive clothes
and go to a star hairstylist. Don't you like the new hairstyle?
You haven't said a word. Y
es, it's... ...very nice. So is the dress. Thank you. How was yourweek? Great. I really missed yourfood. Have you noticed any difference
in the quality of my food? No. But I wasn't really paying attention
to that. I'd come here even if you just
served me a liverwurst sandwich. You've become a friend. A true friend. Yourfattest friend, huh? Don't say that. Everything's fine. We're friends.
We feel deep affection for each other... Yes. My family is doing well. And Xaver is all right?
- Yes. Leonie
's getting along well with him?
- Yes. Now, all of a sudden, huh? You sound kind of aggressive.
- Oh, do I? Some dessert?
- Sounds lovely. Oh, right, dessert...
I haven't got any left. Maybe I have
a bit of cheese somewhere. Yes. I think I've run out of that, as well. I'm sorry. Bye.
- Bye. Look at that fat guy! Mmm, this liverwurst
could make you a fortune. You loved your mother a lot. What about yourfather? I never knew my father. When I was six I got a stepfather. And you didn't like him, huh
? Is it really true that you served
his dog as Sunday roast? I bet it tasted good. He even gnawed the meat off. Down to the bone. What had he done to you? Nothing. Do you want dessert today? If you have some. I'd like... the one in the middle. Well, a piece of it. Mrs. Weltermann was just at the cafe. She cancelled
her granddaughter's wedding. Aha. Why?
- She said you would know why. I have no idea, Dad. Where does she live?
- At number two Wildsprung. Behind the fat chef's place. She also menti
oned an herb garden that had been trampled, and morals,
decency, and disgusting behavior. You owe me an explanation.
- It's a misunderstanding. Be right back. They're fast here. Can I give you a ride somewhere? You had one of my guests arrested
two weeks ago, didn't you? You've been meeting with my wife
for months, haven't you? It's the next right. But you know the way. I have nothing against you personally,
really. But your meetings with my wife
are putting me in a tight spot, if you know what
I mean.
- Not really. Just stay away from my wife, okay? I'm honored that you're jealous,
but it's totally un... un... And your wife's old enough
to make her own decisions. And besides, you can... o... o... only benefit from it, too. If you keep seeing Eden, you'll suffer the consequences,
got me? No need to threaten me, Mr. Drebb.
I weigh 137 kilos. I love to cook and to eat,
and I desire nothing else. You should thank me.
- Listen, you asexual pig! That was no threat! I'm not promising
you tro
uble, I'm guaranteeing it! Eden! Shhh, she's sleeping.
- Is something the matter? Nothing serious.
She just felt a bit dizzy. Why the strange smile on yourface,
then? She's pregnant, Xaver, finally! After all these years! The doctor said for her to avoid
anything upsetting or stressful. But she doesn't have to stay in bed.
She can work and all. Epi-leppy, but quite happy. Though Xaver tried his very best
No egg appeared in Eden's nest So she went to the chef for some lovin' Now she's got a bun i
n the oven! Eden didn't want another mongo brat
So another guy came up to bat! He may be as fat as a pig
But soon she'll be just as big! What's with you?
Did someone die or something? Hi, Xaver. Just joking around. You two are coming outside! Not my Corvette! Not my Corvette! I'll kill you! Not my Corvette! Hey!
You son of a bitch! If you'd listened to your mom
and married Gisela, this wouldn't have...
- Pull over! Let me out! Are you crazy!?
- Stop the car, damn it! Okay!
- Now! Have you gone c
razy, orwhat? Gregor? Barbier? Barbier, are you in there? Barbier, I need to talk to you. Please come out. Gregor, I know you're in there. Gregor... I... I'm not a big star like you are. I... I can't even cook at all. I was a failure as a lawyer... And now I teach dance classes and
swimming lessons for the local seniors. But I have
the most beautiful wife in the world... ...and I have a little family. And, Gregor... Eden is expecting a baby. Eden is finally pregnant again. And you and yourwonder
ful food... ...had a lot to do with that. And I want to thank you for that. But... But Eden is my wife. And if you love my wife,
you should leave town. You have to go. I don't want to lose my family! And that's why you have to leave,
Gregor! Please find it in your heart to do that! Otherwise... otherwise everything
is just going to go to pieces here. Eden...
that you're pregnant is the most wonderful news
I've ever heard. There'll be four of us soon... Let's go on a trip. On a cruise. A nice oce
an cruise.
We've always wanted to do that. You smell of wine. If I understand correctly,
yourwine cellar's like your bank. You bought the wines
at good prices years ago, and the increase in value
is your profit. You make no money with the food. I'm afraid
if your bank's been destroyed, we can't put any money into it. And you're currently unable to meet
the payments on the present loan. Right.
- You realize what that means? I have something really special
to tell you today. That's why I brought
s
ome champagne along. I've finally gotten pregnant again. I'm so happy that it finally worked out,
and I have you to thank for that. We all have you to thank for that. May I... May I... Yes? ...make you
a little strawberry carpaccio? All you ever think about is food, huh? No working in the kitchen now,
please. You have something
to say to me, too, don't you? Say it. Would you like another glass? I would like to hold your hand. I'II... I'll be right back. My dear Gregor... I bet you're in the kitc
hen right now,
working your magic. Forgive me for disappearing like that,
but then, you did it first, didn't you? I didn't get a chance to tell you about
the cruise Xaver surprised me with. I'll be back in two weeks. Please promise me things will be
the way they were before. Would you do that? Abig hug from me,
and I look forward to seeing you again. What's that? It's a carcasse, a duck juicer. You put the whole duck in
and squeeze all the juice out. It comes out here. It makes a great sauce bas
e... So, if you could
show me the wine cellar now... Of course.
This way. We're out of insect repellant. It's better to buy it there, anyway. Have you seen the eye masks?
- Leonie had them last. Damn,
they're good to have on the plane. I think the drugstore is still open. You don't have to go now, Honey. Ludwig! What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the restaurant? Did you and Gregor have a fight? BARBIER ISN'T COOKING ANYMORE. That can't be,
I was just there yesterday. The restaurant is cl
osed? But that's impossible.
I was there just yesterday. But you were all booked up
till next year! Is it because of me? But I didn't do anything. But why? Right. Once we're back
she'll soon forget Fatso. She'll be busy
with the pregnancy and the baby. But I'll make sure
they check for birth defects. Right, not like the last time.
No, I'm going to insist on it. You didn't get that the last time,
did you? You couldn't bear that
I was happy with him, could you? You idiot. You trashed his wine cell
ar. I didn't trash his wine cellar,
but you had dinner there every week. And...
- And what? You hugged him. He's a friend. That's why. You thought we were having an affair,
so you wrecked his wine cellar. We'll work everything out. Everything's going to be fine, okay? You have to pay for his wine cellar. Then everything will be okay. I don't have anything to do with it,
I swear. But the whole town
knows about your eating orgies. You have to pay for his wine cellar. Why?
- Because I want you to.
He didn't do anything to you, not one...
- Like hell, I will! You come to your senses! You started the whole thing,
and now you'll end it! Excuse the disturbance,
but could I... ...have a quick word with your wife,
please? All you like is cooking and eating, huh?
And I should be thankful! This is all just a mis...
- Thanks, asshole! Xaver, stop! Leave him alone! Stop it!
- Get inside! Get inside! Go! Get inside!
- Stop it! Let go of me! Let go of me! It's all my fault!
- Get inside, damn it! Xav
er, stop it!
What are you doing? Xaver! Xaver!
Open the door! I have always
detested physical violence. Even at school everyone
was amazed how fast I could run, despite my weight. But it's nothing special, actually. Over short distances, even fattened pigs
can run faster than humans. Come on!
Come out, you fat pig! Come on, show yourself! Come out! If you love Eden, come out,
or I'll bring her to her senses! Come out!
Come on, you fat pig! Come out! I'll count to three!
One... Two... I had alway
s run away. All my life. Three! But at that moment, I decided... ...to stop running, once and for all. That's all I can say
about Mr. Drebb's death. No, the music stays on. Mom, the music sucks! The music sucks! Yeah, real bad. Change the station. No, I like it.
- Change the station. Change the station! Change the station!
- Change the station! This isn't your normal
hamburger stand: The owner wears coat and tails, the usual smell of cooking oil
is missing, and the clientele is... ...well dresse
d.
- Quiet, I want to hear this. Well, that's the definition
of a one-star rating. The food is worth a detour.
- What's it like at a one-star take-away stand
by the highwayside? To be honest,
the line's pretty long, and the owner doesn't smile much...
- Will you be quiet? I'll just get in line
like a good customer and get back to you once I've tried
the world's best French fries. Great. That was Nicole Koester,
live from the first take-away stand ever to be awarded a star rating.
- What are you
doing, Paul? I have to annoy Mommy.
- Why? Mom, Leonie won't let me have any. You want some chicken
with Chocolate-Cola sauce, too? What's your name?
- Paul. And what's yours? That's Gregor, the cook. Good to see you again. Subtitles: Alexandra Fergus Barrett
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