it seems to that all you see is violence movies andx onv but where it those good oldfashioned values on we used [Music] to laugh and [Music] cry hey guys home with groceries could use a hand unloading and send now I wait for them to come out to help their dear old mom do it yourself hi sad lady Junior our dinner talk stays inside hi Norman lady what are you guys doing it's Sunday I thought husbands had to watch football all day if they get cancer today's our family fun day that's right a whole d
ay dedicated to family and fun ending in the bedroom with what I hope will be some backend [Music] participation I am so tired of this family just sitting around and doing nothing the Browns are outside having fun while we're in here loafing around like a bunch of stupid potatoes mom I've been anonymously Cyber Bullied for a decade stupid potato doesn't even leave a mark we need to spend some quality time together like the Browns so we're doing a family fun day oh family free fund day sounds gre
at no family fund day yeah family free fund day no Peta family fun day yeah I'm already at the clam have fun all right nothing's more fun than a family card game now the game is Yuka Begin by separating the nines 10 face cards and Aces from the rest of the deck the goal is to win at least three tricks now if the side that fixed the Trump fails to get three tricks it is said to be Yuka the highest Trump is the Jack of a trump suit called the right B partnership making Trump wins three or four tri
cks and earns one point lone hand wins three or four tricks also earns one point however a lone hand wins five tricks that's worth Four Points many Yuka games are scored by robber points as in Wist oh oh the first side to win two games wins the rubber the dealer has the right to exchange any turned up card oh my God it's the shame if the face up card is a jack is considered bad luck after two rounds if no Trump suit has been declared and the stick the dealer rule is not in effect then the cards
are collected and reshuffled Family Guy is brought to you by contract Bridge Bridge way simpler than uker you see in contract Bridge each player is dealt 13 cards from a standard 52 card deck a trick starts when a player leads IE plays the first card the leader to the first trick is determined by the auction so what do you think gang I thought it could be a fun family activity if we had to make your own pizza night well we could what a dominoes no come on this will be fun everyone gets their own
crust and you can choose from any of the items I put out huh it could be olives it could be peppers and for the Risk Takers I even put out some pineapple you can put anything you want on your pizza yeah I'm putting a Domino's Pizza on my pizza Domino's we're both terrible and better than your [Music] pizza ah this is nice huh oh so good to get the whole family out of the house and see Cog from a different perspective it's a little tight so how'd you get into hot air ballooning they don't do bac
kground checks oh what are we flying over now my ex-wife's house if you have any garbage or little bags of cat poo you can drop them now did you know restraining orders only go side to side they don't go up and down well this got to be one thing we can all enjoy together as a family you know I think we're trying too hard when I was a kid we did movie nights and and it was the Holy Grail of family fun I'd watch a movie I'd watch a porn movie no a family movie I'd watch a mil porn movie okay techn
ically that's accurate but no porn all right let's fire up Amazon or Netflix no streaming services they've ruined how we watch movies I'm talking about an old school movie night where we rent one from Blockbuster some of my best childhood memories were when I went to rent a video with my dad him and I never really got along but the one place where we did was Blockbuster he'd let me pick out any snack I wanted while he grabbed our fifth TR CH movie because we got there too late to get the good on
es but that was part of it because it wasn't about the movie it was about the night you spent together I think renting a movie is a great idea let's do it so it's settled the Griffins are making it a blockbuster night when we get there I'll give you 20 bucks to say I've heard Magic Mike is good huh this used to be the Blockbuster oh man it's gone were you also looking for very tall prostitute yes is that what you're going to say she used to hang out here hands like a palm leaf she would do sex b
ut also help with light bulbs and stuff I think her name was philli I see some of my students in your car that's good for me I'm sure there's one's still open I'll just Google it yeah I got to type in my code cuz I got too fat for the facial recognition to work brutal oh good see there is one still open Drive North for a quar of a mile then turn left onto Highway 20 continue straight for 2 980 mil what oh yeah the last Blockbuster in existence is in Bend Oregon did I not say that strip in everyb
ody the Griffins are going on a road trip well it looks like the family Griffin is headed off down Holiday Road and Lindsay Buckingham has said no well that's all right I reckon if you're a man named Lindsay you don't get to call the shots very often [Music] Peter this is crazy we can't drive 3,000 mil just to rent a movie would you please turn around bis the whole family fun thing was your idea don't get mad at me cuz I'm following through but I only have one pair of underwear oh that's not a p
roblem I got tons of women's underwear in the back why do you have that tons of it don't we have a saying all this Dad yeah we don't want to drive all the way to Oregon a it's going to be fun guys we're going to see the whole country we're in one of those Bruce Springsteen Jeep commercials America is made up of a lot of States some of them really stink but some of them don't stink so buy a Jeep they flip easy but you'll be okay probably be okay one of the perks of a CrossCountry trip is stopping
for a meal and meeting the friendly folks who make up the heart and soul of our country hello we're from the Northeast okay then we'll do 55 pancakes to go Trum Trum Trum Trump Trum [Music] I'm not getting any service where are we yeah I don't know but we can figure it out by which radio stations come in you're listening to GS AM radio all guns all the time is the caller there I couldn't agree more sounds like we're somewhere between Washington and Washington well we got to almost be there righ
t a few more hours trust me long be worth it once we walk into that store plus I'll be able to finally return this copy of ladyhawk you remember to rewind that [Music] [Music] right you know what I'm thinking Peter instead of going to Blockbuster we drive right into the First Pond we see it'll be a quicker death than this trip guys look [Music] oh my God it's real we made [Music] it well I suppose I should be the responsible one and release all the car farts you're free now go I said [Music] go
[Music] here it is guys this is where kids would come every Friday night and see their teacher wearing jeans dad who's Christian Slater some actors never made it out of Blockbuster Chris sliver fun movie yeah it's Sharon Stone so it's nudity moms will put up with h it looks like you have a late fee for ladyhawk oh no problem how much is it $3 32,41 look uh we traveled a really long way to get here and I kind of promised my family a movie night oh then the plot just got interesting where are you
on your journey about the end of act two I read a lot of screenplay books there's got to be some way we can work this out sorry but we're pretty strict about our late fees we kind of blew up our whole company for them so no money no rental uh 32,000 you say I don't have that on my [Music] person touching hands reaching out touching me touching me ah here it comes all together now Bri Lois Drive nothing worse than a case of Neil Diamond blue balls am I [Applause] right Peter just pull over we can
talk to them and figure this out no a high-speed chase is preferred over small talk with an employee I hear Magic Mike is good way too late [Music] dude I can lose these guys Chris pour me out a handful of those runs how's eating candy going to help us runs are the hardest candy in the world they're not for eating they're for [Music] hucking make there's a stack of posters in the back we can throw them out the car and blind them just run the posters by me first Judge Dread yeah keep that one I
want to put it in the basement cool world keep milk money yeah keep these are all terrible movies just throw one out you know that movie still holds up it didn't hold up [Music] then it worked we lost them yes no one ruins a Griffin family fun day who wants a turn around high five dad watch the road is everyone okay I swallowed my retainer but I'll do a little stool fishing later but it's still after us we got to [Music] run [Music] give up we've got you it's over well actually it's not I think
this might be the All Is Lost moment what you know it seems over because there's an insurmountable obstacle in their way but instead of giving up they double down Lois we got to jump see the fall will kill us I've seen Rambo jump from higher I think if we jump it'll cut to that scene Peter that's crazy do you trust me [Music] no oh what the [Music] hell I told you I know Peter Griffin PhD Petty heavy dope well she really had that locked and loaded this is crazy those guys are trying to kill us b
ecause of a late movie we should just call the police oh look who's already walking back there defund the police stance little different when it's real life and not trying to impress Alysa Milano on Twitter oh this is not good it's going to get dark soon we need a plan don't worry we can hike back to the car and call for help from the road we're going to get through this now before we head off I'm going to divvy out our rations I'll start with this pack of Starbursts there's pink for you orange
for you red for me yellow for you pink for you red for me you keep giving yourself all the Reds this is completely random I'm just going in order I can't help where I'm standing okay where was I yellow for Chris red for me you did it again okay you know I tried being fair but now I'm just going to lick all the Reds now they have to be mine next Food spree green for you orange for you red for me I think we're lost we're going to die out here guys we can't give up now we can and I shall I'm going
to close my eyes and go to my happy place being screamed at by children while playing fortnite no your mom's a [ __ ] wait guys look I think I see a cabin it is a cabin we're saved you can't say that word Braden none of you can say that word [Music] look there's a radio we can watch sliver onun that VCR what no we need to call for help we can do both I am not going to give up on this movie night like we gave up on our marriage four therapy sessions is enough to know where it's headed there's a m
ap on the wall with government buildings connected by strings look I notice hasn't been the easiest couple of days guys but it'll all be worth it once I put this tape in I present to you SL and it's sliders season 2 classic Blockbuster blunder oh good you num sculls put the wrong movie in here I want a refund everybody outside now I can't believe this all I was trying to do was have a nice movie night with my family and you guys keep ruining it wow this is very similar to a screenplay I wrote th
is guy is too into movies remember the one I had you read that was like Love Actually meets Independence Day uh yeah sure I remember you didn't read it I'm going to don't be mad at me be mad at you know these guys I'm sorry kids all I wanted to do was something special with you guys that one thing you remember doing with me for the rest of your lives but I failed another failure in a long string of failers are you kidding dad this has been the most exciting Day Ever it has yeah we left the house
3 days ago to rent a movie and now we're in the middle of the woods in Oregon and might get murdered by Blockbuster guys like what is this yeah we never know what you're going to do it's usually silly or dangerous but it's also kind of awesome yeah remember when he had tiny arms for like 3 months or when he brought home that horse or that falcon or that parrot lot of illegal animals or when that little guy lived in his neck what the hell was that every few years he fights a giant chicken and de
stroys a city no one's named a good thing yet you had a blimp with your face on it your mother put me on pills after I bought that you see Dad we don't need a movie night for us to remember you every day is like a movie night with you well I guess Mom knew what she was doing when she insisted on family fun day super sweet moment guys I'm going to assume this was all a call back to Something in act one time to go outside now guys please I'm the one with the late fees don't hurt my family I'll do
anything well I have this screenplay it's an epic sci-fi and it's mostly stage directions where just kill us what the [Music] [Music] hell Amazon drones you saved us once again a streaming service an Anil Ates a blockbuster how did you even know we were here based on your recent purchases viewing habits and stored data we determined that you were being chased through the Wilderness by the last two Blockbuster employees on Earth wow scary I owe you an apology Amazon you're a pretty amazing servic
e after all yes I agree Amazon workers should not unionize I I didn't I didn't say that well they sure can't play D when they want to please stop spying on us Alexa okay playing holiday music now and we [Music] go well that Blockbuster Adventure sure was fun but we should probably just watch movies at home from now on you know dad while we were flying home I did order something special for you sliver we can still do our old school movie night I'll hook up the VCR God damn it we can't watch it I
don't have the WR adapter cable the last second city in the US is in St Augustine Florida let's go y I'll start the car looks like the Griffins are at it again hi I'm Jeff Bezos and I'm rich and bald guess which one matters good night [Music] [Music] seems that all you see is violence movies and sex on TV we those good oldfashioned vales we [Music] us hold it hold it what what's going on here I'm pregnant you you're what yeah we're in the middle of a thing here well you didn't return any of my t
exts so what what so what's going on you you you want like a a ride to the place Peter what's going on what's going on Lois is that this girl is obviously not well and I have just learned that she's been stealing from the show and she should probably be escorted out of the building Family Gay we now return to Star Trek 2 the Wrath of Khan edited for goats my own for all eternity in the center of a dead Planet buried alive buried alive Lois I need $28,000 for what I've decided I want to open a su
shi restaurant what do you know about sushi I don't care about the sushi I just want to yell at customers when they walk in the door here comes up black ey Peta you're not getting money for that or anything else we're running seriously low on cash right now in fact I may have to get my own full-time job jeez are we really living that close to the edge you know we are Brian why do you think we waited so long to take you to the groomers last month hey isn't it time for me to get a haircut oh no I
think you just got one are you sure cuz I feel like my nails are really long yeah I'll check but I'm pretty sure it's not for another couple of weeks what day is this like it or not we're going to have to start living on a strict budget for a while good evening I'm Tom Tucker and this is news Oh I thought you were going to sing with me Joyce okay our top story tonight the Rhode Island State Lottery has climbed to a record $150 Million jackpot that's right Tom Powerball fever has officially gripp
ed Cog we sent Channel 5 News Asian correspondent Trisha Takanawa around town to get the public reaction Mayor West what do you plan to do if you win the lottery well I'd finally splurge and buy myself one of those fancy four-piece suits I'd like to join your country club I assume that won't be a problem and how about you every Persian guy in the world white BMW go loest that's the answer right there we'll just win the lottery in fact I'm going to go buy my winning ticket right now Peta what's w
rong it's uh nothing I'm just going to wait a minute there's teenagers in skinny jeans out [Music] there everyone I got big news we are going to be rich oh my God Peter there are thousands of lottery tickets here where did you get the money for all these simple I took out a second mortgage on a house what Peter this is idiotic your odds of winning are like 100 million to one don't you know the lottery is just a tax on stupid people would you be saying that if the prize was 150 million bags at a
neighbor's garbage but it's not I mean I mean is it it's that that is an unrealistic unfair question Peter Brian's right how can you be so irresponsible you take these tickets back right now no way Lois we're going to win I got lots of good karma built up from doing those Uso shows so apparently they found a weapon of mass destruction my putter all right boys go get him over there and now please welcome Mr Bruce [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Jenner just wanted to remind you fellas what y
ou're all fighting [Applause] for okay this is it you guys they're going to want announce the winning lottery numbers time for the Griffin family to meet its Destiny when we lose I'm getting a divorce understood we're here live in our studio where a checkout girl in a cheap dress who wants to be a model is ready to draw the winning numbers e that's a three honey turn it around this 31 spooky ghost mouth that's a zero snowman eight two sailboats 44 17 no that's oh yes that is 17 she's good at 17
well folks those are our winning numbers good luck to all of us 24 no that's it we're done anyone watching do not count 24 pancakes okay I don't know what she's doing now somebody turned the machine off Nikki Nikki that's good that's good go go wait in my car all right you did good going to take her to Walt's roast beef all right kids we got 200,000 lottery tickets we got to check all right how do you want to do this a static shot of the house where night turns into day or a montage song that ov
ere explains what we're doing um that second one sounds like it could be funny ticket looking at the numbers and seeing if they match the ones on the news if they do then we're winners if they don't then we put them in the designated pile for tickets we already checked this is taking forever that's why Brian is yawning and Stewie is rubbing his eyes the Montage is almost over that's why the music and the vocals are fading out right now well that's it 3 days wasted looking through 200,000 lottery
tickets those weren't the lottery tickets tickets that was a test these are the lottery tickets is this another test yes these aren't the real lottery tickets either these are the real lottery tickets so in addition to buying 200,000 lottery tickets you had 400,000 fake ones printed up I had to be sure oh my God we won what let me see that yes we won the lottery I'm getting a penis Butler sir all right Buttle my penis bottle [Music] it this is awesome now that we're rich our lives are going to
be so much better you sure it was such a good idea to cash that Lottery check it seems foolish to have all this money lying around oh you'd rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can Lear at it money hello did you blow all your money yet no Dandy no all right call me when you blow all your money love you bud all right so how are we going to spend our winnings I'm gonna get some Supermarket fried chicken and eat it until I'm nauseous I'm gonna finally get my girl that do dad she's
been W I'm gonna get a floor mirror to squat over and see what's making all that noise okay everybody just calm down we're not going to go crazy spending our winning and we're not going to let this money change us what are you talking about this money is our ticket to the good life starting now I just bought a giant room full of gold coins and I'm going to dive into it like Scrooge McDuck it's not a liquid it's a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard floor likee [Music] surface pet
now what are you doing here shouldn't you be at work I quit my job Lois you what yeah we're rich now I don't need to be working oh you should have been there Lois I told Angela what she could do with that job just like I always fantasized Angela I just want to thank you for several extremely pleasurable years working for this corporation uh certain unexpected developments have created a situation where I am no longer in need of employment uh I would be remiss however if I did not extend my grati
tude to you for your unwavering fairness and belief in me and there is a giant poo on your desk hey Horus another round for everybody gosh Peter you're really being generous with your money hey what's your point of being rich if you can't share it with your pals huh okay wait I I got one who would you rather do Susan Bole or a sex doll that's been passed around to fraternity well have they been cleaning the doll please these guys are betas they're total animals hey I got one Peter what would you
rather do tread water where you are right now or increase your net worth fivefold within the next 18 months huh what are you talking about well my friend Marty is a whiz with chemistry and he says he's come up with a new penis enlargement pill and if we can bankroll him $100,000 in startup money he'll triple our investment in the year well uh gee I I don't Peter I've taken the liberty of mocking up some sales projections wow that's pretty good and this would be our net profits yikes you know Pe
ter uh Bonnie's birthday is coming up and I'll be G darned if I didn't go ahead and promise her that Stevie Nicks would come to our house and sing three songs to her boy do I got a big mouth huh hey yeah if you're can to open your mouth with the misses stick to kisses eh what neat humor what neat humor yeah so what do you say Peter can you help us out of course I can you dope we Pals right there you go hey Horus give us three shots of your best bourbon and have that Russian waiter I like bring i
t [Music] [Music] over la la la la la la [Music] boy you wouldn't guess from that smile that all his kids were stillborn huh all right well thanks again Peter I got to head out I told my mother I'd visit her in the hospital yeah and I got to work I'm flying a leg to Minneapolis tonight oh yeah I I I understand you you got things to do I I just wrote you guys a couple of checks but no you you you you do your things what no I mean I'm just saying I thought friend hang out do things with each other
you know especially when one friend gives the other friends a whole bunch of money oh well I guess I could stick around yeah and I I guess the co-pilot can fly the plane she's a woman and passengers are usually okay with that I once saw a deodorant commercial that had a woman pilot that's more like it from now on we're all going to do whatever I want to do cuz I'm the one with the D okay I guess that's fair good cuz what I want to do is stay here get drunk and watch TV we now return to Michael
McDonald during allergy season [Music] hey Peter you wanted me to watch the entire first season of True Blood and come show you where there was boob that's right I don't want to see any actual True Blood just boob yeah well I found some no Anna pacin boob does not count as real boob that's like looking at a 12-year-old boy GE you should know that Joe you should definitely know that sorry Peter sorry doesn't show me nipples worth seeing and as for you Anna you're Dreadful and so is the program I
didn't write it yeah but you know the people who do that Alan Ball you know him right yeah how come everything he writes is so dreary I don't know tell the cheer up things ain't so bad this is a weird episode okay Quagmire I want you to take the first bite out of this fudge pop because that first bite is the one that really hurts well okay ah ow ow yeah that's right ow now you swallow that don't you dare spit that out what's the difference you got what you wanted I said swallow it now smear what
's left of it on your face and look at me with your mouth open look at yourself you filthy [ __ ] I don't even want this now okay guys now you're going to do a synchronized duet of making whoopy while I shoot you with this BB gun let doesn't sound safe action another bride looks G another June what a day another Sun honeymon another SE another reason for making whoop look you aren't going to shoot us in the eye are you Peter oh no Joe I wouldn't try to shoot you in the eye a lot of shoes we're t
hrowing shoes a lot of rice it's also nice peter it was really close to my eye relax Joe I'm nowhere near your eye he Joe open your eye gotcha what the hell Peter you shot him in the eye keep singing you and keep your chin up so I can see your throat no no screw this you're a jerk jerk what kind of a way is that to talk to your friend who gives you money go to hell Peter we don't need your money and we don't need friends like you yeah we're out of here fine go on I don't care I don't need you I
got money you know Peter you used to be a great guy but ever since you won that Lottery come on chill this guy I'm here to audition for Fiddler on the Roof come right [Music] in P my God what the hell are you wearing it's a solid gold tuxedo Lois I had to fight three rappers down at the nonsense store for this look Peter this is not who we are I'm worried the money is changing this family and not the way you hoped well I was hoping it would make you shut up so you're right you know I spoke to Bo
nnie this morning and she said you haven't talked to Joe or Quagmire in 2 weeks who cares I don't need Quagmire and I certainly don't need Joe I got money Joe that's a good one money Joe I don't like what this money is doing to us it's even affecting Brian and Stewie I think I'm going to take a nap but here yeah I had a giant mobile put in the sky so I can sleep wherever I want this is nice I hope that bear comes around soon that's sort of my favorite Oh look The Bear and it's not just them Chri
s has also been developing some very expensive tastes model glue sir well what do we have today today we have a recent vintage procured just this morning from Michael's hobby shop yes that's very nice bring me my finest rag your fancy rag sir you are relieved for the evening you don't see poor people doing this flis don't you understand we don't got any of our old problems anymore we don't have to worry about paying bills we don't have to worry about saving d all we got to do is enjoy ourselves
interested oh my God Peta it's beautiful is it a blood diamond oh the bloodiest the two kids who found it were forced to murder each other oh pea I love it hey you want to watch a DVD of the murder while we do it I already watched it eight times so I know exactly which part I want to Blam at Chris Meg now that I'm a rich father you will try to impress me and I will remain distant go um uh say Dad did I tell you I got second place in the yacht race H sounds like somebody's dad is happier than me
right now well um how about this Dad the school paper's doing a story about me that's because I had it arranged uh I was thinking about joining the Army no Meg as a girl your life holds no merit and Chris try as you may you will never be as good as your older brother who died he was good at sports and talking now pardon me while I look at scrimshaw through a magnifying glass ah brave men all lost sons of New Bedford that's good scrimshaw I never thought I'd be having high tea at the park baringt
on every single day yes it's nice to eat in a sea of white faces isn't it waiter have the chef prepare a bucket of your finest caviar and then give it a helicopter tour of the city very good sir very good indeed I hope it enjoys it as much as that main lobster I ordered and over there is the Rhode Island state house the second largest self-supporting marble Dome in North America why am I doing this I could have just said I did it sir about your bu oh don't worry K DARS there's ample gratuity on
there for you well actually sir your card has been declined oh really well I'm sure a brief call to my accountant will resolve this to our mutual satisfaction hello schnaz Stein this is Peter Griffin there seems to be some issue with our credit I told car stes you'd set everything straight what do you mean I'm broke what about all that money I sent to the G Islands they did what with it no I don't want it back I'm going to miss you cares I shall miss you too sir with no one to look after C fell
into a deep depression from which he never emerged he died two weeks later some say of a broken heart what sir but that was [Music] kers I can't believe it we lost everything what do we do now well seems like our only hope is the lottery holy we won twice and we're right back here again we had $150 million and we blew through it in a month yeah but on the bright side if this hadn't happened we never would have met Kyle hey hiy and that's not even Kyle Peter we can't live like this what are we su
pposed to do Lois everything we had is gone we have friends Peter not anymore we don't they're good people they'll listen and they'll care what happens to us even after everything that's happened you know I'm still young enough you can drop me at the fire station no questions asked well well look who it is who is it it's me Peter I'm standing right here this is a glass eye Peter they had to remove the one you shot oh boy that whole day was a mess huh what happened to you anyway you look terrible
look you guys I messed up bad winning the lottery was the worst thing that ever happened to me and my family I thought being rich would solve all my problems but all it did was make me forget what was important like who my real friends are I don't expect you to forgive me but if for some reason you do you can find me in a cardboard box on the corner of meeting in Fe Peter wait that corner is a bit of a hike for me I'd rather just come see you at home what where'd you get this kind of money the
penis enlargement pill you gave me the startup money for it turned a pretty nice profit I guess it's only fair that I give you my percentage so you can get your house back quag Maya I don't know what to say thank you you're welcome and if it makes you feel better it was money well spent just ask Sandra the waitress over there we had a great time last night tough girl made it into [Music] work boy I got to say it's good to be home yeah despite all the ups and downs things turned out for the best
I mean really we're no worse off than we were before plus we learned something and you can't put a price on that well w we all know what happened we're all depressed all right now let's just go to different rooms and stare blankly out the window saying nothing [Music] e [Music] [Music] all you see violence andx but it good old fashioned values we used [Music] to [Music] laugh and [Music] cry Stewie what are you doing they just doing a little Tai Chek you know how the Asians look 30 until they ar
e 60 this is why of course then they suddenly look a 100 but cross their Bridge you know is this a Japanese thing no Chinese the Japanese have a whole other thing going on hey you want to see a movie no we're Japanese let's go watch a school girl bang an octopus yeah feel good and of course the most important part of any workout is a proper cool down and a stretch what what is it I got a [Music] splinter oh my God Stewie what is it oh we's just got a splinter oh my poor baby it's cuz these old s
tairs have just Fallen apart it's not just the stairs Mega spent 2 days pinned under a roof beam let's just focus on the stairs Brian morning Opie hey what's going on you going somewhere you got fired why oh well it's no wonder they finally caught you doing that in here I mean the undid of your desk looks like Carl's Bad Cavin Griffin say hello to Opie replacement Stella nice to meet you well what is this we doing a new secret handshake now no Griffin she's deaf oh can she read lips yes I can so
if I do this I can talk about what a sweet rack she has yes but try not to make a boob honking gesture with your other hand while you're saying it sorry it's okay I'm used to people being a little uncomfortable with me at first if you have any questions feel free to ask yeah actually I do are your other senses better on kind of you can't hear like can you smell my FS before they even come out cuz I got one in the pocket right now and I want to know if I need to feel self-conscious about it I ca
n't smile no I might be able to see it though a lot of people make small movements with they fart they twist their eye or something oh like shuttle giveaways huh all right well tell me if you can see when it happens you're just fting oh my God you saw that you can see all my tiny subtle movements you just did it again well this is going to be a delight I don't know why Lois always said she had problems with female co-workers so Abby Elaine and Janet have their little lunch click and of course I'
m not invited seems like you are doing everything and they're doing nothing well I don't know but what I do know is that in the staff meeting Christina said my inventory system wasn't feasible sales manager came back and ridiculous and it was like jealous what nothing to do with you and everything do only you can prevent forest fires hey Peter you ready to go to the clam who who's the hot chick oh that's Stella you don't have to whisper she's deaf really oh my God that's hot I don't know you had
a thing for Deaf chicks any kind of disabled chick Peter they can do things to you that regular chicks don't even think of besides you know me I'm into a lot of different stuff BL you hear something no it's all good all [Music] right you know Chris uh little friendly advice uh you're going to start dating soon probably good to get in the habit of chewing with your mouth closed doesn't bother me I'm just you know one friend to another what you got a problem with me you think I'm gross don't do t
hat don't do that yeah this is what you are and this is what I am Peter hurry up you're missing dinner Lois what the hell oh my God Peter are you okay what the hell happened to the stairs they're all slippery now I had them replaced remember the old ones were so rough and Stewie got that splended so I thought replacing the wood was the best way to go when'd you do that the other day when you spent all that time at the drugstore oh yeah couldn't figure out if that Hispanic lady work there or not
um excuse me excuse me boy I wonder where the shampoos are around here I said I wonder where the shampoos are around here oh for God's sake I almost thought you were a regular person where's the [Music] shampoo what the hell hey guys all the actions over here Quagmire what is all this Peter's new coworker gave me an idea welcome to disabled ladies night mine are made from te what are you yours made from yeah mine are actually just press board with wood veneer I can't get wet oh I think I see my
friends hey uh you guys enjoy the carnival I'm going to get a drink at the bar hey uh anyone sitting here no go ahead thanks hey would you like to go out sometime wow that was fast yeah well you know I read somewhere that women decide within the first 7 seconds if they're interested in you or not so I figured I wouldn't waste anybody's time fair enough sure let's go out really yeah like you said I've already decided I'm Kate I'm Brian hey uh you want to go outside maybe a little quieter sure oh
my God I hey check out Brian with a blind chick hey don't worry Brian you're still doing better than Quagmire he got a hooker no no but she is a [Music] prostitute listen you know we can do something else if you want why I'm having a good time well I mean I just don't know how much fun it is for a blind person to go to the movies Brian blind people go to the movies all the time we just listen I might be blind but my brain has been trained to listen to any movie and know exactly what's happening
on screen like I love Titanic I'm the king of the [Music] world so you sure you don't need me to come in maybe show you to your bed pretty sure I can find it thanks maybe next time I'll have trouble though you might have to help me find it next time so there's a next time definitely great well all right good night G our stupid neighbor's dog barks 24/7 God I hate dogs you do yeah they're just slobbery annoying needy little bastards I'm just not really a dog person I guess oh uh yeah me neither d
og people can get pretty annoying wow this A nice apartment you have is this your dog yes isn't he the cutest little cutie Woody look how cute he is yes he's very cute yes he's cute yes he's cute cute cute cute look at him look at him look at him okay look at it look at that face come on look at that face you look at him look at that [Music] face hey guys this is driving me nuts was one of the dwarves named Snappy kind of well-dressed or am just making that [Music] up oh my god dad dad are you o
kay damn it I hate these new stairs yeah yeah fine I'll just I'm just going to lie here until a pain goes away what are you guys watching we now return to the first time travel movie with a perfectly functioning time machine all right if I'm correct this should land Us in 6 million BC quick get us out of here boy that was close oh my God where's fr I'm over here oh [Music] okay Brian if I ever take up roller derby what do you think my name should be Bruen B Anthony Alicia SAS or CAG how about ha
ros Scara oh you dick that's genius how'd your date go oh went great we had an awesome time she's really smart really funny cute yeah hot actually I don't know how she does it but she dresses really well for a blind girl I mean like her body is just whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what don't want me you just said she's blind you just said it you totally buried the lead yeah well it's not that important so what if she can't see she's amazing in every other way okay if you'll say
so hey does she have really weird messed up eyes no her eyes are normal they're beautiful actually bet they're not bet they look like bowls of milk shut up you sure she isn't just using you seeing eye dogs are expensive she may just be trying to get one for free no actually she doesn't want a seeing eye dog she hates dogs what she doesn't like dogs she's just not a dog person what does she not know you're a dog how is that possible well we we haven't done anything yet so I'm I'm just going to I
'm just going to avoid touching her until a little more time has passed and by the time I tell her I'll have impressed her so much that the dog thing won't even matter yeah well good luck with that you know I like your delusion Brian most people would say I lost I give up but you you just keep trying you're like the Dominican Republic always killing the guy in charge and saying ah this new guy this new guy is going to get it right well that's just because I have confidence that I'll find happine
ss hey anything's possible right I mean I once found the Batcave look you can't expect to hire 60 workers to dig a cave under your house and then keep it a secret I mean those men live in this town yeah but I told them it was part of a Geological Survey Batman Batman they built a lazy Susan for your nuclear car that's something they consider conversation worthy gosh this has been an amazing week Brian I still can't believe you beat up that guy who tried to mug us that was a great dinner yeah I r
eally like that salmon you recommended yes may I help you gentlemen hey you're in a tough part of town now give me your purse doll face hey you get your hands off that I don't care how many of you there are you're not taking this purse ah the hell we ar let's get them boys Ryan stay right there Kate I'll handle this yeah you like that huh this guy's tough no feir he knows karate usually handsome guys ain't so good with their fists and stay away from my girlfriend Brian I know karate too I can he
lp you you stay out of this lady I got one I think I got one yeah yeah but I got the other four they're they're gone now they're gone well they took the gift I had for you but at least you're okay and that trip to the Eiffel Tower was just amazing Are we almost at the top y just a few more steps there we are ah The Winds of Paris isn't that what they say oh that breeze is gorgeous and I think I smell croissant do you you have an amazing sense of smell oh there it is there's what oh nothing just
the uh goodye blimp it says I love you Kate All In Lights here in Paris yeah it's it's here for Wimbledon or something oh my God that's the most romantic thing anybody's ever done for me well get used to it you're going to be hearing a lot of things I've done for you we now return to True Blood hi I'm a nude vampire hi I'm a nude werewolf and that's the show pea come downstairs that gay show you like is on coming damn it oh my God pea are you okay no I am not okay nothing about this is okay you
just need to be more careful coming down the stairs that's all easy for you to say this is stressing the crap out of me like when we had that easily startled wallpaper well it's getting late I should probably go Brian this is like our sixth date I'm beginning to feel like you're not attracted to me or something no I oh my God I'm I'm so attracted to you so why haven't we done anything about it I I just you know sometimes taking things slower is better just ask any sloth hey is sometimes taking t
hings slower better yeah I just I like you a lot and I I don't want to ruin anything by moving too fast you know cuz sometimes when you Brian you never told me you had a beard I love beards oh yeah no hey I'm bearding it up over here hey Brian would you be cool with meeting my parents they're in town this weekend and I thought we could all have dinner uh sure are they are they driving themselves if you're asking if they can see yes and since you can see why don't you tell me how these look uh th
ey look pretty damn great then why don't you tell me how they feel H next time some things are worth waiting for wow you're really a true gentlemen yep not too many of us [Music] left Stewie I need your help but what is it I have a crisis situation here Kate wants me to meet her parents hey guys I'm just going to just going to take this thank you the hell am I going to do all right all right just calm down calm down we're all supposed to have dinner tomorrow night and her parents are going to se
e that I'm a dog yeah yeah go don't worry Brian I'll come up with something remember I'm the guy who came up with the choreography to show [Music] girls okay stop stop stop Elizabeth darling too much hands not enough hips can I just show you 1 2 3 4 I'm dancing from my vagina 1 2 3 4 I'm grinding I'm grinding orgasm eyes orgasm eyes and we're done you do 20% sent that and we got a movie pea what is all this oh hi Lois I live upstairs now what that's right I made a nest of my old underwears on wh
ich to lay my eggs and I shall raise my young in this room alone Peta you're being an idiot oh really would an idiot have been able to rig this rig to that rig Peta that's nothing oh is it I died I died oh hi you must be Kate I'm Brian's nurse he's had a little accident I'm afraid oh my God Brian are you okay oh don't worry I'm fine I'm just sort of bandaged up right now you must be Kate's parents it's so nice to meet you well it's lovely to meet you too so what happened what happened is this on
e's a hero is what happened rescued two children from a burning building can you imagine not quite quite in time they were both horribly burned to have that sort of creme brulee face going on now but he saved their lives oh my God Brian I know right so Noble plus he's the only one of my patients to never ask me for handwork such a gentleman never even tried anything when I'm giving him a sponge bath and I'm very thorough I will wash the abdominals not all nurses do but I do and yes sometimes I g
raze it but you know what I'm a healthcare professional it's what I do it's my work it's important to me and this one respects that and I'm very grateful why are you here again oh my God I am so so sorry it's no problem don't worry about it what's that smell it smells like wet dog in here that is the the smell of backed up unreleased genital Essence as I said he's been an amazing gentleman well I'd like to propose a toast to Brian and Kate I know we just met but you seem like you're really good
for our daughter and risking your life for those kids you're a good guy Brian a really good guy what W thanks what's that thumping noise it's your tail stop wagging your tail I can't help it do [Music] something oh damn it I meant hold it not cut it off you weren't specific I've never done this before are you okay Brian yeah I'm just so happy to meet you both what the hell are you cauterizing your tail trust me I'm a nurse Brian what's going on over there I think they burned our dinner oh God it
hurts it hurts Stewie here's a little morphine what the hell you're not going to stick me with that thing I don't think that's a real nurse just hold still pretend you're at the vet vet I hate the vet there's a dog in here yes okay there's a dog in here I'm a dog I'm so sorry Kate I know you hate dogs and I I wanted to tell you I I really did but I I just thought I I thought if we got to know each other better first you'd eventually be able to see past it see and I I I really care about you and
I really want this to work and I'm I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before can you ever forgive me do you think that you can still be with me you know what Brian I could have gotten over the fact that you're a dog because I really do care about you and I feel like we had a connection but I can't get over the fact that you lied to me you screwed up Brian and now you're going to have to watch me walk out that door [Applause] well it sounds like I'm needed [Music] outside mom what were all those Car
penters doing here today putting back our old crappy stairs mag I didn't have a choice yay I love my old stairs oh oh I forgot to cut Showdown Joe what are you doing up there enjoying Heaven Bonnie come join me there's a gun in my nightstand Brian I know you're upset about what happened with Kate and everything but I did have one more thought yeah what's that well since Kate is blind you could probably just do a different voice and go out with her all over again hey are you Kate yes hey it's Noa
h from J dat oh my God hi [Music] what [Music] [Music] seems all see vience andx but oldfashioned vales we [Music] us and cry [Music] do you want an excuse to not go home this Christmas then fly Northwest Airlines at Northwest Airlines thousands of employees are dedicated to delaying and cancelling flights so you won't get home for the holidays no way I'm getting you on your connecting flight no way we're taking off on time don't worry I'm taking this flight back to the gate do you think Jeff wi
ll make it home this year here no way because Jeff flew Northwest thanks Northwest I hate my family oh that looks great you know I think this is going to be our best Christmas ever yeah but don't get your hopes up Lois I couldn't afford to get you what I got you last year I know how you like that song so I got you two Turtle does where'd you get these I went to a scientist and had them genetically engineered fly beautiful Turtle does bring Christmas cheer to all everybody outside we'll do the re
st of Christmas outside go go go look Stewie I'm hanging the ornament you made at preschool just hang it up why do you have to narrate everything you do Peter you want to put the star on top of the wait hang on hang on Lis I always wanted to do this wait a second it's coming there it is it's something but you still got a leftover R this was hard I did this for you this one's my favorite ornament I can only imagine what a must must have been like for them on that very first Christmas yeah it was
probably very moving and fictional Jesus lived with us for like a week what else do you need it's the greatest story ever told Meg a story that goes back over a hundred years yay Star Wars now Chris it's the story of Christmas and the Immaculate Conception you guys were born the dirty way now gather around everybody and hear the a inspiring tale that's caused millions and millions of deaths many years ago there was a hardworking young Carpenter named Joseph and one day Joseph and his friend Robb
ie were hanging the guy's name was Robbie back then the Bible is fuzzy on that anyway Joseph and Robbie were hanging out one day when this happened so I went to see that new edus play last week H my mother talk about an awkward ride home barely got a good night kiss hey Joseph check it [Music] out oh my God look at that body can't you just imagine her standing on people's front Lawns inside a cutting half bathtub you should go talk to her and see if she can talk uh hi I'm I'm Joseph oh hello I'm
Mary listen um I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime well sure that sounds nice you know there's a beautiful spot outside of town where they dump all the forkins you can sit on top and watch the sunset oh great and maybe we could slaughter a lamb and light it on fire so that it rains well let's not go too fast listen I'll see you later okay I've got to go sit in a circle with the other women and stare off into the fields all right you got a date yeah I just hope it goes better than m
y last one wow Joseph that was great yeah I got to say I'm a little disappointed when you said I could do you in your mud hut I thought you meant something else and so Mary and Joseph began their courtship but even after several dates Joseph couldn't get the first base not just because Mary was a virgin but because baseball would not be invented for 1800 years and nobody knew what the hell he was talking about you know this is the same picnic basket we drowned my sister in it was back when they
were like drown all the girls and then they were like Don't Drown all the girls but she was born on a drowning week so you know oh look at that there's hardly any blood you're very healthy well I try to take care of myself Joseph this is the most fun I've had in a while that's good that's good pull your pants down what come on this is our seventh date it's completely natural birds do it bees do it dinosaurs whom we live along side do it Joseph I can't people will talk so what they'll talk in Ara
maic you understand that I don't look you're very sweet but I have to save myself for who there's only 30 people in the whole world and you're related to half of them can't believe how hard you're making me work well I do have a very good virginity coach no no no okay I think I got it how's this no no no no no no look I can't explain it but something is telling me to wait something deep deep inside of me stop talking like that or I swear to God I'm going to pompe all over this blanket oh you're
silly come on let's just watch the show she's really getting it yeah I know that girl that's Donna Magdalene and her sister's a bigger [ __ ] than she is you know we Jews got it right working with our hands yeah let those Eggheads in Rome do the brain work we Jews will do the braa work hey Italians put a book down once in a while yeah yeah right down a book down Hey so uh you've been seeing that girl Mary for some time now she's pretty smoking oh man she is so hot she's going to go down in histo
ry as hot [ __ ] Mary you know I'm thinking of Po the question really yeah I figure I'm 14 now I'm not getting any younger Hey look it's the burning bush Hail Mary full of guys Oh Come All Ye faceful come on guys that's really dirty hi Joseph hey Mary what's going on oh I just thought I'd take a break from pooping in the open Street to come see you that's nice listen can you come by my house later there's something important I have to share with you okay sure I'll come by around that Potter the
day when the Sun goes away and we're all terrified it'll never come back okay bye wow you're a lucky man Joseph I know yeah what do you got going on later I think I might hang out in the Town Square I hear an oracle from Greece is sending a funny message and I want to be there when it arrives penis hey Mary oh hi Joseph come on in thanks Hey listen I just got tickets to see Sher in Bethlehem you want to go I guess how close are the seats Ro lxvi that sounds great but look Joseph there's somethin
g I have to tell you I'm pregnant from my finger no you don't understand God has blessed me with his child you banged Kevin God from South Nazareth no no Joseph I mean God I'm carrying God's baby he sent down an angel feir not pretty lady who ain't never had no relations i' been sent to bring you the message that tonight you's going to be getting pregnant with the Son of God it's the miracle yay I am yeah and he's going to be here soon so you might want to Spruce yourself up maybe walk in the cr
eek a little bit oh and he probably don't want me to tell you this but be ready cuz he might give you a little bit of a donkey punch so you're saying God got you pregnant yes Joseph glory in the highest well if it is his will then his will be done and I am but his humble servant but I do have one question was he bigger than me Joseph it wasn't like that I felt nothing oh little guy we now return to A Christmas Carol I am the Ghost of Christmas Past oh hello I am here to show you how you lost you
r way um okay how long long is this going to take I don't know maybe 8 minutes okay hang on I I just got to use the bathroom I am the go of Christmas present wait you haven't gone yet no okay here we go sorry this is turning into something else all right kids gather around time to make our yearly terrible call to Great Aunt Helen hello hi Aunt Helen it's Peter Lois and the whole family we're calling to say Merry Christmas we were just calling I hope you got our card here okay nobody talk we'll j
ust wait for her to talk what we just wanted to SC de damn it so how was have a cold the pond FRS over a family of raccoons all right well Merry Christmas Dad can we hear more of that story about the baby Jesus yeah right now everybody listen up while I stuff the rest of this rhetoric down your throats now if you're remember Mary and Joseph were on their way to [Music] Bethlehem ah look at that I remember when this was all desert you know when the baby comes we could probably homeschool him I ca
n count up to nine yeah hey so tell me one more time how it is that God got you pregnant cuz when you tell me the story it sort of makes sense but then when I tell the guys at work they poke all kinds of holes in it so you guys are going to Bethlehem huh I went there one time on a donkey's night out oh my God I got so hammered and as Mary and Joseph made their way to Bethlehem three wise men were preparing for a journey of their own Chris did you get a haircut I did I'm just noticing looks nice
hey what's this hey you guys this says a king of kings will be born in Bethlehem and we are to go and pay tribute hey let me see that this says three Magi or resident I don't think they really care if it's us yeah I don't want to go either hey isn't your mother mother-in-law visiting tomorrow we're off to Bethlehem wise wow I can't believe we're already here yeah it's amazing how small the world is now thanks to mules and camels you're anywhere just like that oh my you can really tell we're in t
he big city now yeah they got everything here they got restaurants they got museums they even got movies coming soon get ready to start seeing double it's B him and Ben her starring Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler youo Benny that's my brother on that Chariot I'm driving [Applause] here oh o that's got to hurt and introducing that joke B him and B her even Noah wouldn't put these two together cover your privates everyone can Coliseum meanwhile the three wise men were making their way across the des
ert hey did you hear they're coming out with four more Commandments all that stuff does is interfere with small business oh no we're out of water we got to stop somewhere look that's King herod's Palace maybe we can get water over there wow look at that classy Middle Eastern house with gold and marble people will always want to live next to Big Middle Eastern houses with gold and marble I'm so bored how's the TV coming we are a long way off excuse me we are three wise men on a long journey could
we trouble you for some water sure not quite wise enough to pack any huh so what brings you to Judea we're on our way to Bethlehem to see a magic baby magic baby what's he do cart tricks rabbit in the Hat would he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach you can't punch this baby he's the Messiah yes they're even calling him the King of Kings yuck he already sounds like a dick okay then how about this I'm the king of king of Kings ha new name
called it sounds like somebody's a little threatened no I'm not would a guy who feels threatened make sure all his advisers are shorter than him ah you said it king that's telling him big guy you know what still just to be safe I should probably kill that baby then Jody Foster will love me welcome to the motel shika we won't leave the light on for you because what do I work for the electric company yes we were wondering if you had a room available sorry we're all booked up Sher is in town you wo
n't find a room in the city no room Joseph what are we going to do don't worry I got this covered no rooms eh well perhaps you have a room for my good friend fist full of sand where's your money I spent it on Sand I'm sorry I can't help you but sir please my wife is with child and about to give birth and I am with burrito and about to do the same sir if you don't leave now I'm going to have to call iix I I yeah we we did one of those earlier yours is better though we probably should have waited
for yours oh ah Joseph my water just broke it's time oh my God please you've got to have some place for us we're desperate well there's a manger out back you can stay there that's fine that's fine we'll take it Bethlehem I have one question for [Music] you see I told you she'd open with it so Joseph and Mary were turned away from the Inn but Dad I still don't understand the whole Immaculate Conception thing how can anyone get pregnant without having sex oh there's lots of stories you that make C
leveland's got a cousin who had eight girlfriends get pregnant and he says he's not responsible for a single one good guy you shake his hand it feels like you're touching a nice briefcase but back to our story all right here we are this seems pretty gross I can't believe my baby's going to be the Son of God looks like all those years fighting off my own father's advances have finally paid off what should we name him well this is kind of like a barn we could call him Barney yeah maybe or I kind o
f always like Tristan oh my God you want him to get the crap eat out of him they will crucify him with a name like that no no no what are you doing how long you been there those names is no good look why don't y'all just give me a list I'll run them up to God and see if he picks one no no that's the name of a champagne no no terrible these are all just terrible relax God you want me to get y'all some wine and cheeses wait what did you just say cheeses you want some cheeses and that's why you're
allowed to eat as much mozzarella as you want in any church so the three wise men set off again on their Journey you sure this is the right way yes I'm sure we follow the star are you sure that's a star we've had this conversation yes it's a star it's got flashing red lights oh my God it is a plane I said that yesterday you stupid idiot hey thanks for coming out on such late notice doc oh you don't have to thank me this is a big deal it's not every day that God bestows a woman with his son has i
t ever happened before yeah once but the woman drank during her pregnancy the kid came out of real lemon I turn this water into poo uhhuh I also turn this fish into poo ah do you want your birthday present I think I know what it is it's a cashmir sweater oh wow that's actually really nice and now it's poo [Music] oh well here we are okay guys squeeze in Bible photographer okay we're smiling we're happy to see Jesus there we go hey guys watch your step in there that floor's going to be dripping i
n virgin olive oil that's kind of hot hello we are the three wise men we came here following a star those two statements cont predict each other we also come bearing gifts I brought frankincense I brought myrr and I brought you a breast pump which in these times is just a guy when do I start oh he's coming oh it hurts so bad God I hate working on Christmas oh here he comes and BC turns to ad how's everybody doing oh he's a miracle hey if you're a virgin how come I shot out of there like a grease
d up Cannonball greetings I have come to see the newborn king but sadly I bring no gift well what do you got in your hand there uh my drum well and it looks like you got him a drum pretty good gift but this is all my own it's what makes me the Little Drummer Boy yeah the baby wants the drum yeah drum okay nobody touch my hair I'm growing it out also I'm going to start dieting and working out so I'm like crazy lean for the you know for for the for the thing what the deuce bring out the Christ chi
ld we want him [Music] uh-oh I may have a virgin mom but I am one bad [Music] mother you guys get him you guys get him I forgot something at the palace and that is the story of Jesus that was awesome dad oh my God I just realized that's the same Jesus as the Jesus from church that's a beautiful story Peter about people coming together to form something greater than themselves yes can I help you hi we're from out of town and our car just broke down my wife's in labor can we use your phone what no
Peter who is it couple of freaking scumbags working some scam saying how they want to use our phone what do they want all presents under the tree too get rid of them they're not going to do that are they Dad shut the door it's freezing please you've got to help us you're lucky it's Christmas or i' call a crops on you dirty grifters now you and your whole wife get out of here Peter you handled that perfectly Merry Christmas Lois please we're begging you I'm getting the baseball bat [Music] e [Mu
sic] [Applause] [Music] thanks for encouraging us to come to Gay Pride Daye Brian yeah it seems like it'll be fun real fun not entertain your wife's parents while your wife is at work fun Laura gets home at 7 so I figure we can stir at our wine glasses till then so uh so when when do you guys think you're going to die wow a parade it's like I'm walking past up but I'm not going anywhere look there's the float commemorating sham marriages sorry this stomach thing is acting up again tonight oh and
I'm going on a business trip to mikonos for July and it says this next one is the shocking reveal gay float I had no idea hey check it out there's an air show oh my God they're going to crash no no don't worry it's a gay air show they're just going to lightly touch tips a well listen up everybody cuz it's time for our grand prize drawing for those tickets to see Seline Dion live in Las Vegas infertility here we go our grand prize winner is Brian Griffin wow I don't believe it hey congratulation
s buddy you know you're a lucky guy the only thing I ever W was an extra day of summer okay Peter one more day yay I saw what I looked like in a car window and now I don't want to go we now return to Franklin and Bash with indicators to show which one is Franklin and which one is Bash defensive blows to their heads were to send a mess help me use car sales hey Stewie I don't know if you have any interest in this but I was wondering if you want to go to Vegas with me and see Selen Deion are you k
idding of course I want to go wow these are good seats I know apparently they were donated by Goldman's Pharmacy turns out Mort's cousin is seline's opening act really what's his talent I understand he's a magician of sorts all right for this next trick I need a quarter from the audience okay thank you you almost ready Stewie we should probably start heading to the airport yes I was going to talk to you about that actually last night I was thinking to myself why fly when we can get there instant
ly what what do you mean well you see I recently completed construction on a teleportation device and it occurred to me this may be the perfect chance to try it out a Stewie that's incredible oh hey guys Peter what do you have there give me the scissors I was just going to make some masks use your scissors they're not Sharp so what do you say teleport to Vegas huh all right let's do it okay now the device is powered by kinetic energy so you've got to dance to make it work you uh really yeah you'
ve got to dance what what are you doing you tulle do you know anything about science you just saw me program it what the hell Stewie it didn't work that's odd it appears there may still be a few more bugs to work out well it was worth a [Music] try oh my God Stewie it worked we're in Vegas yeah all right well let's hit the hospital get checked for teleportation cancer and then P well since the teleportation machine failed to get us to Vegas I suppose we should just catch our plane I'll repair it
when we get back you know this is going to be a good trip ran I really feel like fate is on our side scissors are jerks and I'm an [Music] owl oh wow look at that Stewie perfect timing oh it's beautiful everything's just so beautiful here G this is miserable 3-hour delay and a completely full flight don't look at us you pig take your juicy sweatpants and your dirty pillow from home and your bucket of coke and get the hell out of my sight what was her problem you see that Ryan that's going to be
our penises later right Steet that teleportation machine is amazing it's so great that we're already here yep drink it in Bri time to enjoy all the bagio has to offer classic architecture beautiful Art Plus the air is clean because they suck up all the cigarette smoke and dump it in the bad hotels smell that kids it's been in a rich person's mouth hi we're checking in Griffin ah yes I see you've requested a bed that's good for bouncing and jumping that is correct I am a businessman just sign he
re please and you can actually keep that pen if you'd like no way really wow you see that Brian good luck already you know I know we're switching to a digital world but I I think this little guy's still got a place in it hey we should try one of those slot machines by the entrance you know they always set those things to pay out more so they can lure people into the casino that's a great idea oh my God I don't believe it Brian we won we won the jackpot oh this is unbelievable I haven't had this
much fun since I hosted the Oscars good evening I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere and also the Jews good [Music] night thank God we're finally here that plane ride took forever kind of weird they showed Flight 93 on flight 93 hi we're checking in Griffin H I do have a griffin here but that room was checked into hours ago what yes and I'm afraid we have no other rooms available I see is there a less heavy person that could check again for me I'm sorry we're al
l booked up because the [ __ ] convention's in town [ __ ] convention yeah they were promised a single millionaire but it's really just a bunch of horny squirrels in a rich guy suit so you made your money in business where's your room handsome can I at least have that pen no that's Bellagio property a well this sucks hey I'm going to go try one of those slot machines by the entrance they always set those things to pay out more so they can lure people into the casino damn it Vegas excuse me where
can I find some smoking Asians oh everywhere [Music] okay luck lady tonight Luck Be lady lady tonight luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with luck be lady [Music] tonight luck let a gentl [Music] see how nice a Dame you can be [Music] oh my God this place is a dump well let's not be so quick to judge it says here there's a continental breakfast oh the continent is Africa Stewie this place is a complete pit I mean doesn't it seem weird to you that we have to reach check in every 20 minutes
also the porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby okay let's see if we can turn this trip around I'm going to try some Blackjack yeah take $40 I'm going to go get some ice cream all right I'll catch up with you hey there Denise how you doing today I don't know I usually have to check with my boyfriend first oh uh hit please 24 crap do you know what it's like to go to the doctor and see your own foot in the garbage can okay you have a good night hey Stewie I need some more money I lost
it all Brian what well I was on my way to get ice cream and I passed a roulette table and I put it all on 16 because of that Taylor Swift song 16 that song is called 15 it came up 15 Stewie that was all the money I brought I knew I should have brought Peter instead of you oh come on you would have done much worse with him he's got a terrible [Music] tail any cards Peter no I'm [Music] good oh this is going to be great I hear she puts on an amazing show she does you'll be amazed that that voice c
omes out of that face oh thank God we made it in time I didn't realize how far that awful hotel is from the strip the woman who cleaned our room had no ears I'm sorry these tickets are invalid what it's showing that they've already been scanned I can't let you in oh this trip has been a disaster I know I actually thought I was going to win big and get that plastic surgery I always wanted oh my God look at him he's so cute cute I'm small so this is [Music] okay you know what screw it I I say we j
ust cut our losses and fly home yeah I'm not so sure about that what why well I may have and and you are going to laugh about this if I know your dark sense of humor but I may have gambled away our plane tickets you what how do you even do that it's Vegas Brian you can gamble anything I'd like to bet my daughter's virginity on 23 I'm sorry it's 31 ow how's it going here not great I know what you mean we just took a pounding at the crabs table look why don't we just call Lois and the fat man mayb
e they can help us I don't know about that you know that 500 bucks we lost I sort of took that from Lois without asking she finds out it's all gone she'll kill me oh did you fellas say you were in a bit of a fix my buddy's got the inside track on a basketball game it's a sure thing I like how all your teeth are different shapes why are you telling us this what do you want from us honestly I'm trying to sell my condo and I need people to come to the open house and talk about how nice it is wow th
e price per square foot is quite competitive with similar homes in the area yes I also love it I will likely purchase it unless others put in a rival bid well what's stopping you you know you've always been so non-committal in our relationship do you know how much it hurt my feelings when you paused before introducing me to your parents and it's the same reason you didn't take that job in Denver I'm sorry I didn't mean to waste your time I just remembered my husband is a total chick I'm not 100%
sure what we're doing anymore it's like I say the best thing you can see in Vegas is Bar Bar Bar yeah and he's not talking about slot machines o Stewie I'm still not sure this is a great idea relax Brian we're betting on one basketball game that's it and then we'll be out of debt and on our way home I suppose I just wish we didn't have to borrow money from a lone shark I mean that guy seemed pretty serious okay and just a couple of remaining items please indicate here if I look like a schmuck t
o you I'm going to say no great then please check here and initial there uh next do you think this is some kind of game um no okay initial please and finally my date of birth was it [Music] yesterday and that'll do it for us here with Duke losing by just three points we we lost briam oh crap we're screwed hey Stewie give me $100 from the backpack I want to pay a Wayne Newton look alike to beat up a Rita rudner look alike I'll give you a $1,000 pay him to beat up Rita rudner Stewie we got to get
the hell out of here before that lone shark finds US yes you're right I've got a bad feeling Brian I've got a good feeling Brian I'm going to get me that [Music] honey I say Brian this backpack feels a bit lighter than it did before well I wasn't going to tell you till later but I actually use part of my portion to take care of some personal business all right [Music] fine hey boss it's me I just spotted those two idiots who borrowed all that money yeah well now they're strutting around in flash
y suits don't worry I'll get that money back no matter what and for sure I'm not going to stop first and get some crepes in the lobby where can I get some [Music] Crepes hey Stewie thanks for coming with me this really has been an amazing trip yeah it's been great um listen Brian this might be a good time to tell you uh I invited um somebody to come to the room when what do you mean oh that must be him now okay come on you look nothing like your picture in the ad shut up and give me the money wh
at what the hell are you talking about okay I'm starting to think you're not Apollo you bastards think you could just borrow a bunch of money from a lone shark and then waste it on tacky suits tacky sir I'll have you know I bought this in the lobby of a casino look don't shoot you must have us confused with somebody else we didn't borrow any money I swear sounds like somebody wants to die no no Stewie just give him the money from the backpack okay okay don't shoot what it's empty it's just Cheer
ios and coloring books what where the hell's the money sir we can't give you any money but if you've got some milk and a bowl we can give you a pretty healthy way to start your day all right enough of this you dog pick which one of you two is going to die what you can't ask me to decide something like that the life of every being is sacred just like the life fine I'll kill you no no kill him he's a baby he won't even remember he was alive you son of a [ __ ] ah Stewie now get us the money you bo
rrowed oh my God doing no yeah I was booked for 3 hours by Arch bald meat pants he's he's dead okay well either way I'm getting paid and somebody's getting torn open what the hell are we going to do Stewie we have no money no way to get home and one of the lone shark's goons is probably going to bust through that door any minute and kill us both I wish my daddy were here he always knows what to do ah son of a [ __ ] well I better leave a note it's the right thing to do God I've never felt so hop
eless I mean what are we supposed to do just wait for them to come kill us well we could go on the run with what money and and they'd still find us but why don't we just hitch hog home even if we could get back there we'd just be putting the whole family in danger I don't see any way out of this well there is one thing we could do what what's that we could go out on our own terms what you're saying we should kill ourselves well think about it we're stuck here just waiting for some mobster to do
it at least this way we can go out together but think about what you're saying Bryant we're dead no matter what at least this way it'll be quick and clean well not clean for the staff of the hotel but that's not really going to be our problem anymore I don't know look it's not like we've got a lot to live for I mean I'm just going to end up like Chris only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am and you've only got a few good years left anyway and that's if we even get out of here ali
ve all right Stewie let's do it there see I'm glad you came around you know the only thing that was holding me back even a little is knowing how much Lois is going to milk this everyone I truly want to thank you for your support and remind you that as as far as casseroles go we're good on pasta but we could use some more dessert items oh I miss my baby so much and I'm more of a chocolate person than a fruit person well this is it I guess so count of three yep one one two two three I'm sorry I ca
n't I want to live I didn't really think we were going to do it you dick oh my God Brian Brian no good Lord what have I done I better get the hell out of here what the deuce where did this come from well looks like archal meat pants is going to have a fun night [Music] one way to Providence please yeah how much to get to Providence Brian Stewie what the hell but how can you be oh my God could could it be what the hell is going on my teleportation machine worked of course it did that's how we got
here no that's how you got here I flew the machine must have created two pairs of us one that was teleported to Las Vegas and the other that wasn't you're kidding that's unbelievable I know wait where's the other me oh um what where is the Stewie you came with oh well the these thugs came to shoot you and I tried to throw myself in front of the bullet but it must have gone like under my armpit or something cuz it it exploded your face wait what about the other me oh it was so sad you took your
own life I I tried like hell to talk you out of it but you jumped off a balcony people keep coming back every hour because they think it's a regular show like like the volcano or or the pirate ship thing wow I'm so glad you're alive yeah same with you well we should probably head home definitely um uh the only thing is I'm a little short is there any chance you could cover me for the ticket let me see how much I have good news I have just enough now departing for Providence hey did you guys see
o no that seemed lame you know the other U was a lot more fun which one is o is that the the swimming one don't don't don't try to demean it how does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus St [Music] station hey [Music] hey [Music] [Music] seems all see violence movies and but we at those good oldfashioned values on we used to R [Music] and cry are hey thanks for helping me pick out a new computer you guys oh no problem Quagmire God this place is always so crowded we got to find someon
e who works here can I help you sir sorry all I got is a quarter pal oh excuse me sir my buddy here was looking for a computer I would like to elect you president what are you doing you going to get a new phone while we're here maybe but I got to see which one I want to take in and out of my pocket every 30 seconds for the next six years what do you think Peter Peter I touch the iPhone headphone you know what I think I'm going to go with this one guy said it's the newest version just came out th
is week yeah good call quag you're going to be like the first guy in the neighborhood to own a Model T see you suckers I'll be there an hour after you with throw up all over my [Music] legs are you getting excited for Halloween Stewie you know we'll have to stop thinking about your costumes soon all right but let's make sure we don't cover up this all right it's what puts candy in the bag oh look Chris here's your costume from the year you w as a condom what the hell are you supposed to be oh st
oy look it's your very first teddy bear Oscar wow I remember that bear that's the one Grandma and Grandpa brought Stewie when he was still in the hospital oh and here's the car they sent me three kids on $40,000 have fun with your crap life I guess he got tucked away up here you want him back sweetie what this old thing no no thank you I've grown I've changed you sure you don't want him I said no okay don't you have a wedding dress to try halfway on and then cry about hello oh hey Quagmire what'
s up hey Peter I need some help with my computer I can't find my photos did you look under photos what is that it's a folder called photos yeah I I don't have that I just have 40 folders all called new folder okay you know what click on your hard drive okay now now the arrow on the screen that's me right yeah yeah that's you okay now now now just whoa whoa whoa there's a calculator on this thing listen Quagmire what are you trying to do I just want to put pictures of my cat on everyone's interne
t computer like how do I do that okay wait there's an agreement that just popped up hang on let me read the whole thing just hit accept well that seems a little fool hearty doesn't it Peter look do we have to do this now I'm watching something I know I'm sorry I'm just nervous that somebody else is going to get pictures of their cat on the internet first and then I'll always be known as the second guy to get pictures of his cat on the internet Quagmire I don't know how to tell you this but there
's already cats on the internet wait it's it's giving me that pin wheel thing it it it's frozen it oh my God oh my God it crashed the whole thing just crashed CAG my calm down we'll figure it out no Peter the whole thing's fried I can't yeah it what the hell hey you clicked accept hey what's going on you doing some reading there yes well you know I turn to poetry when matters of the heart weigh heavily on me if you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it if you're happy and y
ou know it clap your hands Anonymous wait matters of the heart what are you talking about well Lois found my old teddy bear Oscar in the attic and I'm just not sure how to handle it what with rert and all who cares just play with them both I can't do that oh it' be so aw a um okay Oscar was my well he was my first you know and that's always exciting but but I've been with Rupert for so long now uhhuh most of our finances are intertwined we've built a life together on the other hand Oscar well Os
car is the only one who can really make me laugh I hate to say it but I'm mostly with Rupert because of his insurance Stewie I think you're overthinking this no no you're right you're right Brian I'm with Rupert now I just need to forget Oscar no matter how intense our relationship was that's amazing it's like you took all the colors that exist and said [ __ ] it here's a new [Music] one hi can I help you well that depends you know how to fix pieces of junk haven't been stumped yet okay I see wh
at your problem is I I tried to buy a a sweater online and I I think I got a virus no the porn's not the problem your browser history shows that you've been going to kinky latino. but but that site has a bunch of malware oh personally I'd recommend College Latinas I mean I want to see Latinas but I also want them to speak English yes exactly wow so you're into that kind of stuff too uhhuh would you uh would you have dinner with me absolutely excuse me I bought the slap top here yesterday but whe
n I got home I noticed the Apple already had a bite taken out of it so yeah I was the first woman to ride or bite cross country with no seat gosh that's neat Sonia and and where'd you go to college I think Syracuse but I don't know my face was buried in a pillow all four years wow sounds like it took a full class load oh Glenn I'm so glad you asked me out whenever I talk about stuff like this most people look at me like I'm some kind of disgusting perv me too but who cares you should never be af
raid to be different wh morning morning we kind of had a crazy night yeah we did we I don't really remember but I do feel like I might be down a couple of quarts well even though you seemed like a sure thing I really wanted to make sure oh my God you roofied me are you mad no I'm in love Sonia honey stay right here I just have to go to the bathroom wait Glenn take this wine glass we can use it later my God I I've never been so [Music] happy I'm telling you guys Sonia is the perfect woman she's e
very bit as kinky and as insatiable as I am really I thought you said she was just some computer geek she is her vagina has enough storage space for a giggity bite oh jeez you changed your relationship status already when you know you know all right but just be careful you know you don't want to rush an important decision I'll take the cheeseburger meal would you like to make it an extra large meal [Music] uh no yes no you sure it's only 29 cents more yes [Music] no what the hell Stewie what are
you doing up here Brian it's not what you think all right I I came up here for a photo shoot and it just got way way out of hand you're having tea how is that out of hand is your shirt on backwards please you can't tell r as I was up here all right he he wouldn't understand he'll kill himself Brian he's been through so much already he can't take much more Brian he watched his brother drown Stewie relax you're getting all worked up over nothing says the guy who freaks out every time a fire engin
e goes by oh my God oh my God oh my God Peter Peter you hear that I'm matching the [Music] sound is what I'm doing helping Glenn why did you bring me here well I've always had this fantasy of having sex on the basketball court in front of my high school principal only problem is he's now completely senile yeah you like this principal goodr huh remember when you once suspended me for showing my weener in school I did this isn't as much fun as I thought it would be I'm sorry Sonia I don't think I
can finish you never could finish Quagmire Donahue get in there okay Glenn now that we've covered ourselves in Black Ink let's do it until we've created every character in the Chinese alphabet when all said and done Quagmire body tells story of sadness oh wow I can't even imagine what Twisted deviant act you've thought of this time I want you to have sex with your father what yep and I'm GNA watch hi Glenn are you crazy no no way Glenn remember the thing we love most about each other is that we
push each other way beyond our normal boundaries did you enjoy your stay at the Marriott no I did [Music] not oh well excuse me for not being 6 months old anymore now and here come the tears the show is starting everyone come on [Music] down what's all that noise what the hell's going on up there we're in a fight is what's going on Brian I need need you to settle an argument for us am I Hitler because I don't think that I am but maybe I'm off base on this Stewie take it easy no you know what you
may as well call your family now because I'm not going to Sarasota I don't care if we can't get a refund we're through here Brian you take him maybe you can make him happy what you heard me take him do whatever you want with him I don't care rubbert and I are over are you sure yes we're done I just hope we can handle it better than blue and yellow did when they split up you are supposed to have the kids here by 5 we have plans it's 5:15 stop us to my hump Alicia okay you know what let's let's n
ot do this in front of the kids God you're right whatever happened to us hey baby you ready for dinner what's up Scott we going to get some [Music] barbecue hey guys no no no no no no night time not allowed do it what there's nothing wrong with this no no way give me those oh my God quagar what the hell happened is this not a one of those sex related injuries you keep getting yeah it seems like lately that girlfriend of yours has taken things a little too far no she's not not everything's great
with us are you guys still talking about Sonia all right I should probably get going Sonia and I are supposed to go to a brown eyes wide shut party jeez I don't know what's going on with him but I guess love does funny things to people look at Forest Gump hi Forest I know you just got back from Vietnam and you love me but I'm going to go run a train with this group of black panthers I just met okay Jenny hi Forest I know you came all this way to New York to visit me but I'm going to go do blow a
nd have sex with a bunch of stock Brokers okay Jenny hi Forest now that I have the most contagious and incurable disease known to mankind I'll finally have pity sex with you okay Jen and I'll mow the grass and raise the a baby hey sexy Sonia what are you doing here well I got tired of waiting for you to get home so I thought I'd come to you come on Sonia how about how about we take a night off huh the sex has just been non-stop I mean I understand that no doesn't mean no but certainly some word
has got to mean no this is one of your fantasies right public humiliation it's sexy isn't it Sonia stop please come on you love it you're hurting me and I really need to clean out my trunk oh I'm going to clean out your trunk giggity that's my word that's my [Music] word okay Joe Joe you're drunk okay you're drunk give me your keys and and I'm drunk so I'll give you my keys okay now we're both good to drive home you've been drinking tonight sir no officer I set a glass of dinner with my wine oka
y I'm going to need you to step out of the car and walk a straight line please all right you'll be safe sir there's a lot of crazies out there [Music] tonight oh hey Mr and Mrs Quagmire hi Peter I'm a little worried about Glenn I haven't heard from him in days have you seen him I haven't seen anybody I've been grounded for pinching a girl hey are you guys talking about Quagmire he never showed this morning and today the day we usually go apple picking get that one get that one hey get that one g
et that one over there no not not that one I already got it I can't put it back well it's not going in the pie well if you're so smart why don't you come up here and pick them yourself and now there's no pie at all I've already checked Glenn's house and there's no sign he's even been there I'm afraid something terrible has happened now let's not jump to any conclusions I'm sure if we just check as usual hangout someone will have seen him wait a second he hangs out at the clam with some fat loud
mouth you find loudy mcfat ass you find Quagmire come on let's go but Dad it's the Night of My Big Show Oh Chris I was never going to go to that we should get some food in you mister you hardly ate any of that cereal I smashed on your mouth yesterday Brian oh hey what the hell are you doing oh I've been kind of using rert as a chew toy chewing him with your crotch hey dogs like humping stuffed to animals what can I say besides you said I could have rert I thought you liked Oscar better anyway we
ll I just changed my mind and you know Rupert's a dude right you gay Lord okay you guys where should we start looking for Glenn well sometimes Quagmire likes to hang out under all the clutter in my garage so why don't we just start sorting stuff and throwing stuff away but obviously checking with me first before you throw stuff away no problem Peter Quagmire if you're in there hang all right buddy we're coming right and if we can't find him in here he sometimes likes to hang out in between the b
lades of grass in my lawn and also in the firewood that needs to be split might he be under the leaves in your gutter great question and yes he might so while you guys are taking care of that I'll be around back flicking pine cones at a tree with this hockey [Music] stick Aloha welcome to Ryan's Hawaiians hey how you doing amazing have you seen this man Glenn Quagmire n the last time I saw him was 3 months ago sold him 70 red shirts yeah he does look good in that shirt uh everyone looks good in
my shirts how about you big island uh I don't know do you want to be an oldie DJ or a 1980s wrestling manager yes both this is beautiful heart disease looks better when it's wrapped in a tropical Floral Pattern oh my God this is hopeless we've been searching for hours Glenn could be dead by now I know and if you guys are really hungry I suppose I could eat come on we can't give up someone's got to have seen Quagmire or if not him at least Sonia excuse me did you just say Sonia yes I did that was
my dog's name excuse me did he just say Sonia yeah it was his dog's name Oh I thought he might have been talking about this super kinky woman who's always down here trying to lure men to her sex slave shed no I think he was talking about his dog no Peter that's the Sonia we're looking for Sonia must have taken Glenn there where exactly is the sex slave shed I'm not sure but I've heard she has a unit at Cog storage apparently that chick's a complete psycho we got to get over there come on you gu
ys let's go a man I hope we don't catch him doing something freaky I'm still weirded out from when I walked in on that mastbating Eskimo dinner time tickoo oh my God doesn't anybody knock hey Stewie look I want to apologize about earlier I what the hell is this Brian I think it's time that Rupert made his choice what are you talking about talking about love Bri talking about adult decisions Rupert's been with me and now he's been with you it's time for him to pick Stewie this is stupid I'm not d
oing this Ryan either you cooperate or I blow my Adam Lavine dog whistle hey my voice isn't that high it is it is though all right Rupert who will it be and before you answer think of all the good times we've had the time we met the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show that winter we lived on the sun and here's my favorite a blank one we can fill up with a future [Music] together yes oh my my God rubbert I'm so sorry for everything I missed you too whatever hey you done with that weird octopus doll i
t's you and me forever Rupert I just hope Oscar didn't take it too [Music] hard this is it number 92 this is Sonia storage unit blackagar are you in there oh he's eating we'll come back when you done eating [Music] Glen hurry she'll be back soon I can't believe the guy with the ponytail and the facial tattoo at the front desk would let this happen well what's this we got company hold it right there please do you think I'm afraid of you boy if you were ever going to stand this would be the time J
oe everybody just shut up you idiots should have minded your own business this is our business you kidnapped our friends you're going to jail don't come any closer or I'll shoot you oh I don't think you're going to shoot me you don't got the boobs what I don't know now just hand me the gun Sonia oh I swear to God you get one inch closer to me and I'm going to shoot you what the hell like I said you're going to jail oh my God Joe that was so close how'd you know the gun would jam it didn't Jam Pe
ter the gun was never loaded sort of had a mental breakdown in April no more bullets for this guy oh Glenn I was so worried about you are you all right no no I I'm pretty [ __ ] far from all right well I guess this is as good a time as any happy birthday Joe you [Music] dick thanks for your help guys I might not be alive if it weren't for you hey no problem buddy yeah you would have done the same for us Quagmire you know I guess what I realized from all this is that when it comes to relationship
s I need to be the kinky one and I need to be the one who throws bar nuts in everybody's face right Joe that is so you we're just glad to have you back Quagmire yep and it's good to put all those troubles behind us my dad's pregnant with my [Music] kid [Music] it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV but it good all fashion [Music] values C you shower with your dog every day do you and your dog use the same soap if so one of you is damaging your hair really dial cross
species is specially formulated for both humans and dogs you'll like that it gets you clean he'll like that it smells like beef that sounds great Jim are you showering with the dog again what the hell all right Peter I'm leaving Bonnie invited me to the shooting range what yeah Bonnie says she goes every week I think next time you should bring someone else now you'll be watching Stewie and I don't want you just to prop him up next to the TV all day take him to the park I want him to get some fre
sh air fresh air is bad for a kid Lois look at Michael J fox what I don't know Peta you are taking Stewie to the park it'll do you good to spend some time with your son I spend lots of time with him Lois just last week I took him to the doctor Mr Griffin you're here to get your prostate examined yeah this is me [Music] is that your little one there oh no it's it's just a way I'm [ __ ] nothing like a day at the park surrounded by overcompensating divorced dads wow look how high you're going what
an amazing day this is is Mommy spending $2,500 a month on you because that's what I'm sending mommy oh my God it's only been 5 minutes and I'm already bored out of my mind damn wish I could go to the clam H well I guess I see those guys all the time a clown well I guess what's the big deal huh it's just one oh I was quite sure it was just one from the size of the car hello Peter where the hell are you you got to get down to the clan man there's like 60 clowns in here ah I can't I got a to watc
h Stewie Peter they threw what I thought was a bucket of water on me but it turns out it was just a bunch of confetti oh man I got to get over there okay okay it's okay as long as I can still see him okay Stewie there you yeah there you are safe and sound Daddy can still see you okay Daddy can still see you Daddy can still see you Daddy can still see you that was a wink but you don't know it cuz it's just a [Music] I we now return to Superman Lois what's wrong Clark we all have breast cancer the
doctor says it's as if our breasts have been x-rayed 5 hours a day every day for the last 3 years oh my God that's terrible first every woman I've ever known and now you guys boy it was smart to wait out that thunderstorm it's Lois oh my God Stewie oh uh Hey Lois hey it's hard to hear you over the sound of Joyful children in the park are you and Stewie having a good time uh uh yeah okay well let me talk to him I want to tell him mommy's on a way home she wants to talk to Stewie what do I do her
e give me me the phone I do a great Stewie hey Lois it's me the baby hi Stewie I'm on my way home Mommy misses you all right cool bring some beef jerky maybe I just bought you 10 minutes hey can you do me hey I'm Quagmire I'm a sex guy I'll be honest I went in wanting to hate it but you were great [Music] Stewie out there my boy hey what happened to my new friend that kid who sort of looks like me from behind wait where's the fat man well I guess this is it I'm going to die here I'll never get t
o grow old and become a crossthe country grandparent what is this it's a Skype a snipe no a Skype snipe no it's a Skype from your grandson Steven yes he's right there trying to say hi to you what movie is this it's it's not a movie it's your grandson my grandson is in the pictures you did this yesterday don't holler at me I don't understand anything I'm very [Music] frightened wait a minute Stewie what happened to your head you're not Stewie I got to get you back to the park and [Music] find all
right kid you your name is Stewie all right I'm your new dad my name is Peter and I work at the Brewer Nasha I work at Nasha hey Lois you look fat you should go for a run Peter I'm going to go give my baby a kiss good night Lois I had an affair and I think we should talk about it Peter jamming yourself into a grapefruit is not an affair see there's a human baby in there as sleep in Stewie's overalls hey that placee get out of my way great we woke up the doorbell I think there was a mixup at the
park my little Stewie oh Jacob where's your little hat you didn't have a hat oh I am so sorry I just got home myself I left my husband in charge which was obviously a terrible mistake thank you so much I took a bath with the dad oh my baby's back home Mommy missed you congrat ulations Lois you passed the test you really do love Stewie now what do you say we all sit down and watch this Weird Al Yankovic documentary it's called An Inconvenient tooth what's wrong with you Peter Lois I'm sorry how
the hell can you possibly mistake another baby for Stewie now calm down Lois you're going to say something you don't mean oh no I'm not you're an idiot you don't mean that I already got a Facebook friend request from the dad is that weird Peter I have put up with your nonsense for 20 years but today you cross the line you let the a helpless baby in a public park and that's something only an idiot would do I'm not an idiot hey I think there was a mixup at the [Music] park we now return to the Kar
ate Kid with realistic human feelings you're all right laruso [ __ ] you you just tried to [ __ ] me I hate to sound like every woman ever but I'm depressed don't engage don't engage why damn it Lois called me an idiot so so I don't tell her all the bad things about herself like how the mole on her back is changing shape and size really quickly being dumb isn't the worst thing Peter at least you're not two foreign guys talking too loud in the next Booth much sorry friend men there are no women's
here we've got to make like 70s Rockman Garrett and leaf you said it Belgard looks like you and me will have to make hands on each other tonight oh gross I was just playing joke at you ah good one you should be comedy writer too late friend I already have comedy development at CBS oh nice CBS knows real situations I want to see for 100 episodes thanks my hysterical multicamera show is called wizard robot and his less successful friend oh man you know what America wants all right fine so I'm a d
umb hot guy all right there's worse things to be okay we're only going to tackle one thing today Peter maybe you need to broaden your horizons you know read a book travel oh yeah I love traveling you see new things inconvenience thousands of people people you know what you guys are right it's time to travel to learn to experience new things I've been letting opportunities Pass Me By ever since I was a kid Hey kid get in my van and I'll give you some candy no my mom says I shouldn't Hey kid get i
n my van and I'll give you some candy okay [Music] Stella I need you to go to Chicago on Thursday I can't this week is the de Gams oh my God this has been a 12-minute round why does every fight have to go to the death Angela if you got business traveling that needs to be done I'm your guy Griffin I'm not going to look over there until you first assure me you've got pants on it's not a rule unless there's a sign on the wall I won that court case fine so you'd be willing to take that trip to Chica
go for the company yeah you know I was just saying I need to broaden my horizons you see my wife thinks I'm an idiot she's always making me feel small and insignificant like John Goodman's heartbeat honey my inside left boob's stomach did that thing again you mean your heart um I don't know about any of that but I think I should eat [Music] something well gentlemen thank you for coming Mr Mr Griffin I believe you have something for me I guess I do Mr Franks terrific we were completely out of the
se tubes well thank you all for coming good day nicely done Mr Frank thanks Chief wait so that's it hey you nailed it but I'm here till tomorrow night what am I supposed to do get out there and explore Chicago Peter it's one of the great cities of the world there's museums a symphony a Lyric Opera whoa whoa whoa whoa did you say chicken fashion show no oh but that that other stuff that they all sound like the kind of things I could do to expand my horizons wow Chicago the San Francisco treat I h
aven't felt this sense a limitless Adventure since I went cave jumping here we go I told no one what I was doing today man I'm like the fifth most attractive woman in [Music] Chicago hi welcome to the museum thanks just to be clear I should touch everything right no please don't touch anything sry it's my first time in an adult Museum I'm used to petting the starfishes well maybe you'd find our audio tour helpful you have your choice of narrators our senior curator or Chicago's own Dennis [Music
] finina hey there Chief Dennis finina here and Welcome to our Museum just so you know I'll be eating through most of this yeah this one a man that's good sausage oops excuse me anyways this is at the Mullen rou by tus lre uh it was from the 1890s now he was a mij but he painted like a normal now here is a naked chick made completely out of marble I got a wonder and I'm sure you do too how this thing didn't crack when they were caring out her downstairs business he did a great job with the vagin
a here's a picture by this guy Salvador Dolly this guy I'm telling you was a freaking whacka dooodle wow who knew you could learn so much at a museum and this is only Chicago from now on I'm going to volunteer for every business trip and see all the great stuff that's out there I've been everywhere I've Been Everywhere the travel I've had my sh man I've been everywhere I've been Areno Chicago Fargo Minnesota Buffalo Toronto wiow Sarasota Wich Ottawa OK Tampa Pama M Banger Baltimore Salvador to b
ar and I'm aill I've been everywhere I've been everywhere thewhere I've been to Boston Charleston day Louise Washington Houston Kingston Texas monter far Santa Fe Tusa Glen Rock black rock Little Rock Oscar Tennessee Tennessee chck Spirit Lake Grand Lake Dev Lake crater lake beach Lake I've Been Everywhere we now return to Janine garafalo and Mark rufalo in garafa rufalo turn it off Chris I don't even want to know what that is your father has returned yeah how are all your business trips oh exem
plary Chris I don't understand what either of those words mean one of them was Chris pea you seem different that's right Lois I live the life of the mind now my brain is a wash with theorems and profundi and abstractions that I can pontificate upon at length Brian's a wolfcat Peter you sound so refined are you intelligent now affirmative that means yes does that please you it does Peter well it should after all knowledge is the ultimate afrodesiac shall we away for relations I'm not sure what yo
u're saying but let's hump affirmative affirmative affirmative oh my God affirmative Peter that was great it was sorry I arrived D early that's okay and sorry about the bed spread that was about a week's worth of [Music] arrive Mom Dad the TV's broken actually Chris I got rid of our television this is our new bookshelf and I think you'll find it has more channels than any TV we've ever owned I want to watch The Walking Dead then I shall read to you from Mary Shell's Frankenstein I want to watch
new girl perhaps you'd like to hear about Jane Heir who felt quite the new girl at Rochester's thornfield Hall how about Game of Thrones instead I shall read to you from Game of Thrones oh finally another reader in the family you know these are some of my favorite books and authors oh what are you reading right now oh boy well I'm I mean I'm sort of between books right now yeah what was the last thing you read he's got you on the ropes now well I I'm actually rereading a lot of stuff yeah like w
hat just tap out uh the classics you know going back to the uh Basics really words on the printed page thank you Steve Gutenberg right what is this Oak oh I don't even think it's Oak Peter I can't get over the way you've transformed yourself how'd you do it well Lois some of it came from books some came from museums and honestly a lot of it just came from travel hey excuse me I need to rent a car uh preferably one where the radio is stuck on NPR Here you go hello it's me I am returning how is th
e car Coastal and Superior I never knew whisper talking was so smart and how will you be paying for your rental sir I will pay you with stories of my abusive father set to dissonant flute I was seven when he first came home drunk a child should sleep on his bed not under [Music] it hey what are you listening to oh I'm sorry I'm learning Sanskrit you know an ancient tongue can be as titillating as a young one Peter what gives ever since you had all those business trips you've been acting weird pi
ty a man in familiar places who yet yet Feels Like a Stranger you you're the [ __ ] who wrote that in the bathroom indeed being smart and cultured is so lonely now I know why Oscar wild turned to alcoholism and Bone inhalation gentlemen as they say in Sanskrit shba pratum you know what weird Shuba per botom is my poor name what yeah first pet and Street you grew up on you're a pet named Shuba oh yeah old chuba was a tough Pooch he was feared by everyone up and down for bottom drive you have a ve
ry weird p [Music] all right if this is to be a smart family we will have to learn not to giggle at smart things that sound dirty but are not ballzack Homo erectus spotted dick the results have been disappointing I always thought spotted dick had something to do with Morgan [Music] Freeman we now return to wizard robot and his less successful friend H we're in a real jar of jam this time wizard robot G I have put too much Suds in this machine for washing clothes and tonight is the night I meet w
ith other members of my form 12 learning mates to celebrate the exactly two groupings of 10 years ago oh excellent the situation has abated itself let us leave the room where no comedic situation will soon take place wiard and is my successful friend hey Lois no I wasn't H Brian thank God it's just you you know how Peter thinks TV Rats the mind oh as long as you're here can you run some vocabulary with me I need to know how to use these words in sentences by the time Peter gets home oh that shou
ld be easy just give me the word and I'll put it in a sentence for you an aine uh a friend asked me what anod means oh who am I kidding I'm never going to learn any of these words I can't take this anymore Brian and the kids can't either Peter's become a nightmare hey I thought this is what you always wanted for Peter not to be an idiot oh at least that Peter was fun and didn't make me feel so stupid I miss the old Peter well we got to do something cuz this new Peter just sounds all wrong like a
pilot without a calming voice we've now reached our cruising altitude if you look out the window you'll see the Rocky Mountains we have to get out of here wait a minute if visi in San Francisco in New York made Peter smart maybe if we send him to the dumbest city in the whole country it'll bring back the old Peter huh it's worth a try [Music] Aloha is Peter home he's pulling in now I sure hope Tucson helped heads up guys I fired on the doorstep but it's hot on my trail oh Brian that's a good si
gn how was your trip oh amazing I saw a wet t-shirt contest using chocolate milk it was at the Tucson philarmonic what else did you do yeah mostly just pick my desert boogers oh Peter you're back thank God we all owe that trash City a debt of gratitude do you know battleship is still in theaters [Music] there [Music] [Music] seems all you see is violence movies andx but good old fash [Music] values laugh and cry [Music] are we now return to Top Chef Looney Tunes Edition okay Chef fud I was a lit
tle disappointed in you this week your dish was just a live rabbit who thought he was taking a bath but I used cots and celery yes I saw he was scrubbing his back with a long Celery Stock Chef Sylvester on the other hand I'm happy to say your suffering suckatash was absolutely delicious thanks hello oh hi Bonnie no I'm not doing anything just sitting here with the baby yeah screw you too oh hey Bri hey you want to go out and get some gluten-free pizza I'm gluten-free now but you know I'm not goi
ng to be annoying about it too late oh we should be gluten-free together let's go to Whole Foods and buy a bunch of stuff from that weird aisle nobody else goes down I can't I got plans I'll see you later oh sure maybe another time I didn't seem too desperate right don't answer it's just that Brian's been so distant lately and and we used to be in separable like Jack and Jill well so then Jack takes these two pales of water and trips and totally falls down the hill yeah hey I got a funny story J
ill had a tooth Fallout and she swallowed it and then we had to root through her feces to find it and we did and then we took it to the dentist and he put it back in her mouth so I guess we're both kutes huh why don't you spin another tail crap tooth no my turn again okay Jill's [Music] Baron good after afternoon I'm Tom Tucker some sad news this morning as 38 school children drowned with their oh excuse me when their school bus hit a patch of ice and drove off a local what is wrong with me toda
y and drove off a local bridge and now the viral video of the week with over 7 million views for those of you who loved screaming sheep we've got Opera [Music] penguin is it is that it is he going to do it again no okay so just normal penguin stuff now okay cut back to me but you you can't the button broke off all right well a US Convoy was ambushed in Kabul this morning so now we're going to have a moment of silence in remembrance of oh he does do it again that could be my favorite thing I ever
seen what is a penguin is it some kind of bug what you serious so it is a bug hey you know that's what we ought to do we ought to make a viral video all right let's do it awesome oh I I don't know if you're going to be in it Joe I thought while we filmed we'd just keep all of our stuff on your lap the hell are you doing I saw a scary boy doing this and I thought I'd try it all right have fun I'm late late but I thought you and I could hang out and maybe watch Lois shush Peter while they watch N
ashville maybe another time Stewie there he goes again he's being so standoffish I don't understand we used to be that happy wait a minute Joe and Bonnie never used to spend time together until they had suie having a baby seems to have made them closer babies save relationships whoa look at you you're flying okay thanks Bonnie next I want to ride a bike that's it Rupert that's how Brian and I are going to improve our relationship we're going to have a baby I say this is my best idea since I robb
ed a Joseph A Bank three suits for 99 bucks take me to jail all right I want tonight to be perfect I'm going to lay it all out for Brian why we should have a baby together I don't know I haven't even thought about that why are you so obsessed with circumcision oh hey look you made a little dinner party hi rert he won't be joining us get up please sit you uh you okay I'm terrific and that is so sweet of you to ask you really are a natural caregiver aren't you and do you mind not texting sorry sor
ry just finishing right now almost done they're all finished right now there thanks so I wanted to talk to you about are you just going to leave it on the table I won't look at it great so I wanted to you're looking at it ah sorry work it's not work it'll just take a second I I normally wouldn't do this but I I was already kind of in the middle of something and I just need to quickly respond and there I am [Music] finished oh yeah okay just a few more words and done sorry okay so no no I'm not g
oing to get it then maybe we can take it off the table no no just keep going I was thinking we should talk about having a this isn't fun for me watching you text no no no this is great yum but uh I got to go I have a date this is serious rubert I'm losing him if we're going to fix this relationship we need a baby and we need it now I'm just going to take a little bit of his DNA and soon we'll be proud parents like Ron Livingston's parents you know our son's a famous actor really what's his name
um he's uh he was like the main guy in office space yeah what else uh he has dark hair I don't know was he in Blackhawk Down he was in like at least five sexs in the cities what is his name what is his name is your son Ron Livingston yes oh God thank God Ron Livingston thank you that has been bugging me all [Music] day okay let's see now what are the ingredients to a viral internet video cats yes cats good uh uh people reacting to watching grow stuff oh yeah cuz you're like a that's gross can I
get a soda what no this is like the worst time to ask for a soda unbelievable you know what we should just go out and start filming cuz I think we're really going to surprise everyone like Buster Keaton did in his first talking picture here we go I'm moving through the scene and I Slamm the door oh no I slammed it too hard and the house is going to squash me oh it turned out that window was there pause for laugh and amazement all right Rupert the fertilization device is complete this will impreg
nate me with the child that will bring Brian and me back together first I add Brian's hair and saliva and some preschool applications because we are already way behind there now I just have to get into the machine and then the machine does whatever it has to do to me in order to successfully impregnate me we do not judge the machine we do not judge Stewie goodbye body you're going to watch me get pregnant I want to look at you when it happens yeah you watch me [ __ ] [Music] [Music] good morning
Brian what is that I smell pee yes you do Brian oh my God that thing's positive is Lois pregnant again no me is pregnant you're getting warmer what what have you done I think you mean what have we done what Brian we're pregnant oh my God and in 18 years he's going to move away you're pregnant with our baby how could this even happened simple I took your DNA and inserted it into my temporary uterus through my fertilization device oh my God you're serious people are going to think I had sex with
a male baby and then got impregnant oh thank you for finding a way to make it sound horrible we can't have a baby Stewie is this about money because I have a bit saved we could even use my old crib you use your old crib oh right Stewie you have to get rid of it get rid of it you know why don't you just say it say the word Brian I want to hear you say it abortion abortion you need to get a big fat abortion right this second you can't even say it I think I'm going to throw up now save the cheap th
eatrics this isn't one of your crappy short stories this is real life Mister so man up you are getting an abortion Stewie I will not our child is growing inside me stop talking like that and how do even know it's mine how dare you so I'm just some [ __ ] well this [ __ ] is having your baby why would you even do this I thought you'd be happy I mean you have all these amazing qualities and I'm kind of good-looking I mean I'm no model but well certainly not a runway model i' I'd be more catalog pr
obably you know what why not a runway model why not why am I always apologizing for how good-looking I am I'm sick of it I can model in Paris we could take the baby with us we could be that kind of family what do you think is it dead you hit me what kind of monster Hits a pregnant toddler if you ever lay a finger on me again I'll burn you in your bed could could you do that now [Music] please all right Peter get the camera ready I got a viral internet video that's going to go straight to the top
of the charts hi I'm Joe Swanson and this is 30 impressions in 30 seconds show me the money oh behave good morning Vietnam wait until they get a load of me said the Joker some of these I'm [Music] paraphrasing hey I need you to take me to the doctor for my prenatal vitamins I'm not taking you anywhere jeez how far along are you I'm not really sure 2 days 6 months there's a certain amount of guess work involved in this oh and and while I'm pregnant I'm going to need you to change the cat litter
we don't have a cat please don't fight me on this oh my back is killing me and I've also been experiencing a little morning sickness it's for the baby it's for the [Music] baby you look ridiculous like that not too ridiculous for you to put a baby in me okay Ry and I'm Dr Hartman now before we begin I want you to know the record is just past my watch well it takes two people to break a record you look a little young how old are you uh 13 14 15 but he didn't force himself on me I wanted it too we
ll that's the important thing that's odd your vagina seems to have a penis and two testicles oh right I uh sneezed real hard and all that came out ah that explains it could you do that thing where you take some fluid and tell me if it's going to be an imbecile or a Craton oh not to worry there are places where those people can be warehoused but from Strictly eyeballing you I'd say everything looks fine oh that's wonderful now Brian did you have any questions for the doctor yeah are there a lot o
f stairs in this building God we need so much stuff look at how tiny all these clothes are it's so adorable I what kind of feet can fit into these shoes your feet that's getting old you know you better get on Bor with this a how far along are you eight months you look amazing let me ask you are you leaking because I've been leaking how old are you well how old are you you look like you're 40 which means whatever you've got in there is 100% brain damaged all right you have a good day I hated that
lady I like these these are good very Classic this feels incredibly wrong we're going to want these Brian believe me you can't see my nipples can you they're getting really large and I'm not sure if I'm completely covering them H you know what we'll see what we see let's get a few candids dad can I get one of your head on the belly Dad I just got emotional [Music] I'm it's way I baby okay now people really love that viral video of a monkey forcing that sex act on a frog at the zoo so maybe we c
an find another frog for something like that what do you mean like that Frog who that frog and the miniskirt putting a quarter in the [Applause] Jukebox I'm concerned that Frog's in more trouble than she realizes I'm having such a craving for burgers it's like my body is just craving red meat meat and mint chip ice cream but only mint chip any other ice cream makes me want to puke isn't that weird yes Stewie that's the one weird thing in all this what are you looking at go push your buttons my h
usband will kick your ass stop saying I'm your husband oh Brian I need you to take me to the hospital why my water just broke oh my God it's okay don't panic call the doua Ryan you've got to call the doua doua I I don't even know what that is it's a divorced woman who knows about lady parts and cheers you on let's go [Music] you're going to have to drive a little faster already going over the speed limit or too late pull over it's starting to come out of where I'm not sure exactly Brian I'm goin
g to need you to deliver the baby okay can you wait a second while I put a towel down I don't want anything to get on the seats oh no of course our first priority should be to keep the vinyl clean oh God oh God it's coming oh can you see the head I don't know where to look but maybe you should look at the part of me where there's a baby coming out how did Murphy Brown make this Look So Easy careful don't get anything on the seats oh God I think another one's coming I don't see it I think it's co
ming out of my mouth there's more and they're coming out of everywhere kill me this hurts too much holy what is happening I don't know Ryan save the placenta do you even have a placenta but whatever comes out save it I want to eat it oh God they're crawling all over me how many are there now four five six seven mlov [Music] [Music] I just put Jack and Rose down for their nap and I'm trying to keep the more attractive ones in this area this is a nightmare oh I caught two of them trying to eat eac
h other so that's something we need to watch out for look briy that one looks just like you huh well you know what I guess he does you know I was actually thinking this could be a chance for you to finally make things right what what do you mean well you do have a son that you were never there for this is your opportunity to do things differently oh maybe you're right I suppose I could give it a try there you go oh dick really likes you I like dick ah you like dick his name is not dick you idiot
it's [Music] Finn all right let's check our YouTube channel and see how it doing boy they just went right after Cleveland didn't they jeez that word looks even harsher when it's in all caps wow people really seem to hate everything we put on here that sucks and I worked really hard on taking a picture of myself every day for a year and then setting the photos to an emotional song look hey there delil what's it like in New York City I'm miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty yes you do T
ime Square shine as bright as you I swear it's true yeah so we're uh thinking about selling a house hey stop squirming in there this one's bones all feel loose and I think that one is blind we'll have to get him little sunglasses right because dog head human ears over here doesn't react to anything I say hey hey you okay this one is deaf we are going to be spending a fortune on schools how are we going to pay for that well you tell me you're the one who insisted I'd be a stay-at-home mom I don't
even have a job well you better get one and not writing a real job why you being such a jerk I don't know I'm sorry I just I just feel like once I get the b a schedule everything will be [Music] fine I can't believe we couldn't come up with a viral video we should have just gotten Jimmy Fallon to do any lame thing coming up up a white waiter at a Chinese restaurant we'll get you the facts on this bizarre story but first this week's viral video fat kid hustles through crosswalk here it is here's
little chubo pulling up the rear oh he's got to get moving now that's right don't let your chocolate levels get too low can't believe Chris gets 4 million hits just crossing the street I guess we were trying too hard hey I went by your house the other day is your baby pregnant I don't know Lois is in Char of the [Music] kids Stewie this is awful I don't know why anyone would want to be a parent especially the four children four I thought we were down to five yeah the deaf one didn't hear Joe's
Lawnmower oh that's really upsetting I I can't take this anymore Stewie I'm sorry I got to get out of here what where do you you going stop doing that I need a break all right I I just got to get away for a couple weeks a couple weeks you're not leaving me alone with these things the whole point of this was for us to spend more time together what are you talking about the whole point of what well you've been so distant lately I thought if we had a baby it would bring us closer together what I wa
s only distant because you've been so moody lately I thought you needed more space I always want to hang out with you I was only Moody because you were so distant I always want to hang out with you too oh my God so we didn't have to do any of this I I guess not how attached to them are you not at all yeah me [Music] either this is for the best yeah I mean I'm sure they'll be adopted oh God yeah I'm still keeping all the gifts from the baby shower you had a baby shower oh now this makes it real o
h my goodness that's enough cake for you Mary Beth [Music] it seems that allence but it [Music] [Music] values it's that time of year again are you a New England dirt bag who wants to run with Bulls but thinks Spain is gay then don't miss the seriously Wicked Bull Run in South attelboro Mass you and your friends can run from a bunch of live bulls and lots of times there's a chick whose boob comes out order your tickets before it's too late toilets limited wow that seems pretty cool I don't know
seems pretty lame to me yeah waste of time I agree Hey Joe isn't this your round sure I'll wheel over to the bar and Bring Back Your beers one by one in my lap you guys we are so doing that bull run buying the tickets as we speak or we can't tell Joe of course not he'll be dead weight can't do a bull run with a guy in a wheelchair yeah this is for [Music] athletes just a regular wash please and uh I'm supposed to mention that I saw you on Living Social was that worth it was that worth the $1 you
saved I'm sorry we're not doing that promotion anymore oh all the humiliation none of the reward you know some people are okay with the drive-thru car wash me I'm a fan of the hand job hi I'm Brian yes I like to have fun with language you're so funny I'm Tori I got hit by a car in high school so I don't have to work cool hey so what's your afternoon like I don't have plans maybe we could grab lunch and then see what happens this will not end well like eating an AR choke good Lord I ate nothing
and I'm soaking wet for some [Music] reason so you guys all pumped to run with the bulls you bet this is going to be my first exercise since I chased that balloon hey what's going on Hey Joe we are competing in the international Chef boy ID lookalike contest oh well where's your chef at you guys are going to lose especially Cleveland he's in the cre of weat competition which is down the street we got to go now we're very late well this is funny because guess we're I'm going and I got the Hat you
guys are dead look Joe we didn't want to tell you but we're going to the seriously Wicked Bull Run we didn't invite you because we didn't think you could keep up yeah we thought it seemed too dangerous for uh incapacitated half-man shrivel legged gimps and we didn't want to hurt your feelings come on my handicap has never held me back I'm coming with you guys Joe you peed in your bag while you said that can you honestly say that you didn't pee just now while you were talking okay you can [Music
] come wow that was amazing hey I I just to be clear I don't really think you're a [ __ ] I I just need to say that to you know to finish oh yeah yeah yeah of course and obviously I don't think you're my Uncle Dale good good same page oh crap my husband's home early wait a minute you're married and he's here now yeah that's him you've got to get out of here he's really jealous I think he's bitter because he never got the credit he deserved for killing Osama Bin Laden your husband's a Navy SEAL w
hat the hell is going on here what is this Ru you got a dog uh yeah I rescued him from the pound well hey there buddy wow his nose is super wet he must be healthy and somebody's been rooting in a sardine can well I'm going to grab a shower great honey oh my God that was close yeah but think about it as long as he thinks you're our new pet we can keep fooling around behind his back huh you're right oh this could be an even better scam than that claw machine at the arcade damn it this game is so s
tupid it's impossible to do anything with a dumb crappy claw hey that's mean and it's not even true I'm leaving dang it you need a little help no if you could angle up the ring then I could kind of hook it how do you drive bad we clearly overdressed they have the type of fat white woman here that not even I am interested in ladies gentlemen an alternative high school grad get ready to run for your [Applause] lives I shouldn't have want high heels I'll stop it you look great oh well I didn't want
all this attention Cleveland why do you let them talk you into these things this is how people Pleasers die hey guys after this let's beat alligators with sticks or something you read my mind we just talked about this woo this is amazing I told you guys I could do [Music] [Music] [Music] it [Music] [Music] a Joe oh my God you all right I can't feel anything below my neck I can't move a muscle guys oh my God Joe's completely paralyzed oh that's me that's unfortunate that's Lois hold on hey babe
H good little hiccup but [Music] fun you guys I've been trying to keep my birthday a secret no Dr Hartman we're not here for your birthday we're here for Joe don't sugarcoat it Duc just give it to me straight well Mr Swanson I did an exploratory procedure which revealed extensive damage please just tell me am I completely paralyzed I'm afraid of ghosts and yes Mr Swanson has lost all movement and will require a round-the-clock care most of it disgusting oh my God Bonnie I'm so sorry if there's a
nything I can to there actually is could you collect my mail forever I'm leaving Joe and moving to Europe I didn't sign up for this buddy wait God this is awful what am I going to do well seems like you folks have this all taken care of surprise oh you guys hey don't go in that room back there it's like super [Music] sad coming up Quinn tuplets born at Cog general what that's oh that's supposed to be burn oh coming up quintuplets burn at Cog General hey honey get in here check this out the way h
e's sitting it looks like the dog's watching the news you like watching the news you dumb dog well I'm off to do what former Navy Seals do sell lawnmowers wow he really has no idea hey want to take a shower with me sure man this is a pretty sweet gig like being a member of Daft Punk look at this old guest your keybard from the 1980s that I have found watch what happens when I push this demo button hello Daft Punk great song Here's a Grammy oh you know he funny until you spoke I did not know we w
ere [Music] French there you go Joe all settled now which wall would you like to look at for the rest of your life I don't know maybe that one I I have no idea what you're pointing at Joe you got to meet us halfway look guys I don't want to be a burden to anyone you go ahead and live your lives I'll be fine we can't just leave you Joe so before we go I'm going to put the remote in your mouth here's a can of chili and the opener we'll put in your mouth and here's a magazine I thought you might li
ke to read I'm going to put it in your mouth you're good friend Fe Joe I just wish we could do more but obviously your mouth is full and you probably don't want any reminders of Bonnie around the house so I cleared out all of her underwear okay don't be a stranger yeah cuz we're not supposed to talk to those I don't know I'm not sure I feel right about leaving Joe doesn't seem like he's going to be able to take care of himself yeah we're we're kind of all he has now what Joe what are you talking
about he's fine look he's already watching The Price is Right in there oh he's biting too hard on the volume hey you can play over there in the sandbox honey mommy's just going to read her book okay I'm just going to walk 30 feet away and then panic because I can't see you can you fit me in at 10 tomorrow it's getting a little long on the sides ran what are you doing on a leash and who's that sh be cool this is the guy whose wife I'm banging oh what a romantic way to put it yeah it's great I ju
st pretend to be their dog and then when he leaves for work I get to go to the pound if you know what I mean God Brian you are such a scumbag I can't believe mommy mommy where's my mommy I have no one there nothing I'm right here honey oh thank God she's such a gross hog Joe you can't just sit here you need intellectual stimulation so I brought something to read to you it's the word search from the Sunday circular kangaroo let's see if we can find that one Outback I think it's an Australian them
e koala it definitely is can't make out this one [ __ ] [ __ ] John abina that's what they call eggplant down there you know what forget this I'll just read to you from jet look this whole page is all the weigh-in brothers sitting in different positions how you suppose they come up with all them positions you give me a million years I just ain't wired that way Marlin's like a rubber man he can sit in any kind of way as Kanan telling the younger ones how to sit like they going to listen Damon's d
oing his own thing no surprise there that's Damon you enjoying all this Joe I'm honestly just glad it seems like you have something you like all right Jonah you can't just stay cooped up in in the house all day so I found a fun activity you can still enjoy indoor skydiving what is your friend way same as me probably I don't know 5 600 lb wa I better Crank It Up okay there's a chance he weighed less man he's up there 5 10 ft at least you're not very good with numbers are you no sir well he's goin
g to be up there for a while what do you say I go buy you 3,000 beers buddy I don't know who you are but I'm sure as hell glad you walked in in [Music] here hey my laptop's out of battery you want to have sex sure I've almost finished my sandwich Anyway come on I don't have to watch this yeah that's right I was the only one who didn't get to meet Biden you know what screw this I'm out of here ha skewer hey where do you think you're going you're my dog you're not going anywhere besides I need you
boy now more than ever I think my wife is cheating on me hey Tori it's Brian I'm getting the Chinese food for us I think I'm going to order some me like bang ho that's not a real thing I'm talking about sex all right I'll be there in five man when I find that son of a [ __ ] I'm going to rip his head off God what a nightmare that guy's even scarier than a thesaurus asaurus red stomp trudge growl Roar ululate antonym whisper what's wrong with him he's on the Spectrum Spectrum in my day we'd thro
w him in the Army and have him play the [Music] bugle Peter this just isn't working we can't take proper care a Joe it's a huge amount of work and we don't have any idea what we're doing quag M's right it's too much I just think he'd be better off under the care of grumpy Filipino nurses yeah that's why I looked into it it and we've reserved a place for him at the state home for mentals and bastards oh my God sometimes they whip him with hoses outside this is [Music] perfect hi I work here I don
't think this guy works here hi can I help you yeah this is Joe Swanson we arrange for a 915 dump off go on guys get out of here I'll be fine why Joe take care man see you Joe hold on guys there's one last thing I got to say to my friend Hey Joe you know that movie you told me to watch that you said was your favorite movie of all time and you said I had to watch it Backdraft you finally watched it yeah wasn't it great I thought it was stupid take care [Music] Joe you know that that state home we
left Joe in didn't seem so bad yeah it's got to be good I mean Napoleon bonapart was there would the French people let their boss walk around in stained underwear trying to stab people if the place wasn't nice yeah no no no you're right you're right Joe will get much better care there I still feel bad come on you guys Joe's going to be fine they'll fit in great there not like when I went to Hogwarts slin hle bath housing for registered sex offenders oh Tori thank god listen you got to unchain m
e look what Vic did tell me about it he's lost his mind that's why I'm going to go stay with my mother in Baltimore and work at her wife's bar wait what Tori come back damn it wow shocker your gross hookup from the car wash ended poorly Stewie thank God how'd you find me well you remember when the vet knocked you out to take out that rotten tooth he also put a tracking chip in your neck what that's a total violation of my rights I like tell you chained up in a yard and still trying to pretend yo
u're a guy look you got to help me her husband's a maniac and the only reason he hasn't killed me is because he thinks I'm just his pet dog he's got a padlock on here but don't worry I'll figure something out well hurry cuz I'm trapped like a baseball announcer and the count is two and two Garcia steps off the mound again virtually guaranteeing that my wife will be asleep when I get home the big rhander kicks a little dirt and tosses the Rosen bag as my children grow up without me okay and now a
fan in the stands is giving me the finger I agree hey I don't know if you can hear it but but I'm peeing in my coffee cup right [Music] now there you are where the hell have you been I got arrested for hucking a TV VCR combo off the damn off the damn what off the damn overpass God I love you Lois that was like great sex but seriously it it was bad it hit a school bus oh my God what can you go talk to Joe maybe he can put in a word for you down at the police station yeah yeah Joe yeah yeah maybe
maybe you uh you you want a back r Peter what's going on uh what do you mean whenever you offer me a back rub it means you're hiding [Laughter] something you hey you you want a backrub we may or may not have put Joe in a smelly home for the goofy what Peta those places are a horror show Joe's your friend how could you treat him like that we just couldn't handle him being fully paralyzed we didn't know what else to do but you're right we got to get him out of there you most certainly do all righ
t how about that back rub now what are you [Music] nuts what the hell do you want oh hello sir I'm afraid there's been a mistake I believe you found our dog and we need to take him home no way get lost kid he's my dog now well we figured you'd say no to us but not to Vice President Joe Biden oh my God Mr vice president first I want to thank you Vic for shooting the guy we said was Osama bin Laden second give these kids their dog back of course sir I'm so sorry here take him thank you you're a gr
eat American thanks Mr Biden no problem hey you guys watch vep no yeah it's all fake y we said [Music] no hi uh are we here to pick up Joe Swanson are you from the news you have to tell us if you're from the news no we're his friends what are you guys doing do in here we came to bring you home Joe we're all really sorry we abandoned you yeah we just kind of got overwhelmed and all freaked out but we're your friends Joe and we'll always be there for you no matter what thanks guys I'd say let's ge
t my stuff but it's all been stolen that's okay come on let's go home sorry no one gets out of here without a release from their doctor all right we'll just call them right now what's that ringing Joe that ringing it's coming from your back it is holy crap Dr Hartman must have dropped his phone in Joe when he was looking at his spine oh thank God I've been hearing that ringing all week I just thought I was losing my mind from lunatic screaming in my face your mother's a [ __ ] I told you that in
confidence [Music] Gary it's so great to have you back Joe you seem good as new yeah it turns out Dr Hartman's cell phone was pressing on my spinal cord and that's what was causing my total paralysis yeah sorry we dropped the ball for a while which is the way we agreed we' describe what we did to you which hopefully makes it seem less heinous it's all right guys I'm just glad to be back on my feet well you know what I mean I never saw much of Joe after that and while he's been gone for many yea
rs I've never forgotten his face or his laughter come on are we going to the beach we've been waiting for forever yeah be right there champ he said that the first two times we asked I know he spaces out when he's at the [Music] computer these aren't my kids and also this isn't play wrestling we're actually [Music] fighting [Music] [Music] [Applause] e [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] a [Music] [Music] [Music]
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