Fan Request: Dave's People's Choice Awards Rant Against CBS | Letterman

I I have to I have to tell you something  here now now bear with me because this may get a little complicated let me just  start by saying that we work for CBS Paul and the band and myself and everybody  here we we do the show here at CBS and in return they they compensate us comfortably  I would say wouldn't you Paul yeah and and and sometimes in our relationship with CBS  we've been here how many years going on 11 10 years something like that 11 years yeah 11  years and uh sometimes things hav

e been great like when we first came over from NBC Paul and  I used to do the show at BC and then they fired Paul you were stealing something right uh  whenever I was I don't want to get into it now okay forget I brought that up right and  and and um as a show of uh support and unity I left when Paul was I'll never forget that  thank you well you've been a dear to me as well and so when we came over to CBS everything  was great for about two 2 and a half three years and and then suddenly and I w

on't bore you with  what happened but things happened there were changes and we went into a long dark cold period  it it was like the second Ice Age people who used to be here were no longer here and then the people  that took their places were gone you they'd go to lunch and never come back and we were just left  you know we didn't know what to think and and and then now things have been pretty good when  was the last time I was really upset about CBS it's been a long time oh yeah you haven't r

anted  or anything you know gone into a long rant at the top of the show in a long long time and I I just  I just want to mention that this is not really a long rant this is just by way of information  oh okay this is explanatory explanatory yeah so uh any things have been pretty good with our  relationship I think pretty solid within n workk up until last night now last night last night  now now here's the other part of the the story uh CBS you you heard of The People's Choice  Awards they've b

een on the air for 30 years yeah oh I I've SE I we see that yeah I've see  and and the the the the reason uh people in the entertainment business like to win the  People's Choice Awards and they'll tell you right there when they accept the awards because  the people people the people vote on the awards it's not like some group of Stooges on some  kind of committee or anything it's the actual people yeah it's a it's a literal an analogous  popularity contest the people vote and you get the award

choose well now in 30 years that  the People's Choice Awards has been business we've never been nominated and there's a good  reason for that the people don't like us don't like us the people don't like us all right well  guess what this year the People's Choice Awards which by the way last night was on the CBS  television network right here this network you're watching right here Chucho yeah this this  network right here yes the People's Choice Award was on we uh happen to be nominated in the 

category best talk show oh that's we thank you now so we find out about this like two months  ago we get a call or a guy comes to your house guess what and it turns out uh we were nominated  uh the the almighty and all powerful Oprah Winfrey was nominated and Jay Leno was nominated so it's  the big three it's the Big Show down there and so and so they say we'll let you know within a week  whether You've Won now here's this is interesting you didn't know this before they they they only  notify th

e winner because they don't want losers cluttering up the awards show they they don't  want to rent a hall they don't want to go to the trouble of renting a gymnasium or wherever they  hold this thing and and then have it filled with losers I see so they'll tell you that you've been  nominated and they say if you don't hear from us in a week you didn't win well we didn't win well  okay we didn't expect to win because again the people don't like us so now all we know is either  Jay Leno won or Op

rah Winfrey won so last night on the show uh Oprah Winfrey wins ah she's very  popular she's damn good and the people love her the people love her yeah so okay now here's now  I come to work today and somebody shows me this deal the CBS has a website and on the website  they promote various upcoming CBS broadcast so yesterday and all last week on the CBS on the  CBS on the CBS website yes website yes they're promoting The People's Choice Awards yes as well  they would all right now here I have m

ade now a a copy a photox copy of what's on the CBS website  yesterday keep in mind that I'm Dave Letterman yeah I work here at CBS you are yes you I was  finally nominated for a People's Choice Award very nice okay now here's what CBS was doing to  promote their Big Show on the website they're so proud of the People's Choice Awards yeah that  they promotee on their website sure all right take a look here you got a picture there there's  Bill Cosby there's Everybody Loves Raymond and then look a

t there there's J look at that look  at that look at that he's not on CBS he not on CBS you are I'm on CBS yeah what's the matter with  these people that's interesting could they could well put Oprah put Oprah Oprah is the winner I  would understand that put Oprah on there she's on a different time of day entirely now listen it's  it's a team there is no I in team there there is but it's teamwork it's all about teamwork and  we have to pull together as a team and and if you don't bad things will

happen to your team  sometimes I get the feeling our team never even gets off the bus well so now here's what I want  to do because I want to I want to dip this in the butt I don't want this to turn ugly I don't want  this to fester and get wild and just silly like sometimes things can yeah like the David and lies  of marriage you don't want that to happen to this here's what I want and listen to me because I'm  not kidding about this I want a call from somebody at CBS not a stooge I don't want

a stoe calling me  okay I I got I got I know plenty of Stooges I can talk to on my own I don't need to get a call from  a stoe I want like a big deal person a big deal man or woman high powered executive to call me up  and here's what I want you to do I say gez Dave oh my God we're terribly sorry please for the love of  God forgive us and oh by the way and I don't want this to really happen but I want them to say that  this really happened but I don't want it to happen I want them to say oh and

by the way the person  who made that mistake has been fired yeah they don't want that to really but I don't want that to  happen it would be nice if they said that I just want him to say that I don't blame you yeah and  that seems fair enough to me and if that happens happens if that if you get a call like that what  will you do everything will be fine sure you'll forget the whole thing okay that's right and it  has to happen within 24 hours if I if I haven't received this phone call because I

know in the  control room there's a stooge sitting in the control room you better pick up the phone and call  one of your buddies and get them to make this call as soon as possible or this is going to get ugly  I don't blame you apologize beg for my forgiveness and pretend that you fired the person responsible  okay fine all right I don't no fair fair is fair let's see that I know look at this yeah he look  at this I'm on CVS you saw him right at the same time we're on CVS what do you think I'm

on both  networks what do you think my name both networks what do you think I'm on both networks what do  you think don't know I don't know oh golly G now here's something that I loved ladies and gentlemen  more than life itself you know Don Donald Trump has got his own show on NBC and yeah and oh you  can read all about it on the CBS website I'm [Applause] sure want see me I bet da pissed off understand I don't want anybody fired oh  of course not I don't even I don't even want to know who was

responsible for it I just want him  to say and don't worry so and so has been fired I just wanted to say that yeah and by the way  we just checked the website it's still up okay good so so nothing has happened in the last 10  minutes should yeah all right this is great you know what just happened oh this is very exciting  I'm told now that here on my phone can you see the blinking light there on the phone you know  who that is yes who's on there that I'm told now that that's the chairman and CEO

of CBS Mr Leslie  moon this will be good they didn't get any higher than CBS than this guy and and and he this is  the guy and now everything's so pH we'll see what happens here okay hello Mr moones hello Dave  how are you I'm fine thank you how are you oh you know Dave Dave uh I I can't tell you how  sorry I am and everybody at CBS is at uh the the indiscretion that we we used on our  website um I have to tell you two things that happened one one we have pulled down the website  entirely there

is no more cbs.com excellent and number two the person who was in charge is  now fired thank you very much lesie uh you know we take care of you Dave and we love  you I appreciate the call let's play golf all right I'd love to okay byebye goodbye how  about [Applause] [Music] [Applause] that shut down the website entirely yeah doesn't  exist anymore are you feeling better I feel much better okay that's all it's a  brand new year I feel [Applause] [Music] great the I know keep the world  [Music]

around a [Applause] shadow