(train clicking on tracks) (intense music) (woman screaming) (intense music) (slow dramatic music) (intense music) - How was your vacation? - Cut short. - Where is she? - She's missing an action. She went to Eastern Europe to protest the conflict. - Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but Slade, you gotta stop getting involved with these women who wanna change the world. You know who's that job is? Wanna take a guess? It's your job. - Yeah, well, whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right?
- Well, I've got something to tell you. I've known adventures. I've seen things. I've been through battles. Old soldiers never die. They just fade away. But the universe is unsettled. Forces of great power have been released upon us. Your greatest enemy you will find in the last place you will ever look. These have been in safe hands, loyal hands, since your vacation. But now I'm returning it to the rightful owner, Mr. Dave Slade. - No more time travel for me. Gives me the runs. - Take it, Slade
. Take it. Please, take it. (intense music) Stay away from her, Slade. You want a drink? - I'm on the wagon. (intense music) - I'm never on the wagon till the very end. You know why? Because this is a lonely place where you never find a friend. Now, will you listen to me? Fight the temptation, and stay away from her. (intense music) Slade, Slade! Are you not listening to me? Stay away from her! Am I not speaking perfect English? Want me to try another language? (speaking foreign language) (inten
se music) - Hi there. Are you from around here? - Does it matter? - Was that your boyfriend? - Does it matter? - Can you say anything other than does it matter? - Does it matter? - I guess not. - Alvara does not believe in labels. You're cute. What's your name? - Dave Slade. Heard of me? - No. - You're a very beautiful woman. - Tell me something I don't know. - And you're very sexy. - Tell something I don't know. - Back to the repetitive answers. So, what does Alvara believe in? - Sleeping all d
ay. Being up all night. Walking on the beach in the dark. Flying without a plane. Feeding on the living. (eerie intense music) - Stay away from my girl. (eerie intense music) Hey, stay away from my girl, Slade. (Slade coughing) (inaudible) - Slade, you're no hero. - This isn't over, Slade. You'll be seeing me again. Count on it. - Thought you said you hadn't heard of me. - [Boyfriend] - Stay away from Slade, okay? You hear me? You belong to me, all right? - Dave Slade, you're no hero. Dave Slade
, you're no hero. Dave Slade, you're no hero. Dave Slade, you're no hero. Dave Slade, you're no hero. Dave Slade, you're no hero. (intense music) - Maybe if you were not on the wagon, Slade, you wouldn't be feeling your beating. You know, Slade, booze blocks pain to the brain. - Thanks, Trapper John. Who's Alvara? - She comes from the grave at night and sucks the blood of people. (Slade coughing) - You mean a vampire? - Vampire is male. The correct term is vampiress. - Thanks, Steven King. - Are
you listening to me now? Get home before midnight. (slow intense music) - Dave Slade, a hero. (laughing) You know, you kill me in 2030. I'm here to kill you before you get to that point. - 2030? - That's right, punk. - So tell me, who's president in 2030? - Lloyd Kaufman. - Oh, naturally. - You know, it's time to abort your mission. - You know what? I changed my mind, future boy. I'm not gonna kill you in 2030. You're gonna die now. (slow intense music) - Slade, put your ego aside. - My ego is
my motivation. - You've hit a lot of challenges, killing the Terranova. (woman screaming) And then knowingly killing Krasota. (woman screaming) And you hit such a great thing going with her, but you threw it all away, Slade. You threw it all away. There's nothing worse than wasted opportunities. - You know, you're right. And it makes me think because I've been having this reoccurring dream. - Whoa, now I'm no therapist. But you just can't make up for lost time. And now you're in for the night of
your life. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. But you can navigate yourself through this, Slade, if you remember just one thing. Get home before midnight. - Count on it. - What makes you so sure? - It's past my bedtime. (slow intense music) - You're not making it home tonight, Slade. - You again. - My mission is complete. We must go now. - What do you mean? - I mean, I'm gonna kick your ass so bad you won't know what hit you tomorrow. - You're on your own now, Slade. You won't remember us. You won
't remember me. - What do you mean I won't remember? - This is your destiny, Slade. Goodbye. - Goodnight, Slade. - Got to stop getting my ass kicked. - You still have not mastered the hero role. - You again? What are you gonna do to me now? - What I wanted to do, I can't here. - I can only imagine. I'm not from around here. I'm from Romania. - Bucharest? - No, it's about 270 kilometers north. And no, he's not my boyfriend. - I slashed his throat before. I thought he was dead. - You wounded him.
He's immortal. The only way to kill him is stab through the heart. - This hero stuff is just too complicated. - He hangs out at the bar on Surf Ave. Loves to drink a bloody vampire. - You mean a Bloody Mary? - Bloody Mary, and Mary, and Sally. But when he drinks, he smokes. He smokes a lot. Sometimes six packs a night. - No wonder why he's immortal. - Cigarettes won't kill him, but you are. Take this. Don't play any games. Don't let him see you. Ambush him. Got it? - Got it. (hissing) (gentle mu
sic) - Do you know who I am? - I can probably figure it out. - You don't seem surprised to see me. - Nothing surprises me anymore. - So you gave up your writing? - I don't have time for that. I'm gonna be a hero. - Just make sure you get home before midnight. - So I've been told. Hey, if you're from the future, who wins the Super Bowl this year? - Why, so you can place a bet? Not here to give you gambling tips. I'm here to give you valuable information. - That is valuable information. Are you go
nna listen to me, or are you gonna fight with yourself? You have so many inner demons, Slade. You're never gonna reach your full potential until you defeat this. When you get home, make sure you're careful. The Jets, they win the Super Bowl in 2030. - Finally. - Good luck with that hero stuff. - Hey, yo, Vito. Yeah, Dave Slade, here. Can I place a bet on the 2030 Super Bowl? - [Vito] Are you nuts? We want some current action. We're taking bets on whether
you make it through the night. - There's
odds on that? - [Vito] There's odds on everything. - What's the odds? - [Vito] Well, Joe Namath, if you were a football team, the odds would be you're a 28-point underdog for making it home tonight and a 49-point underdog for making it past midnight. - Put be down for a grand on each. - [Vito] You think you'll be living after midnight? - You can count on it. Always bet on yourself. (gentle music) - [Oldman] Put them on, Slade. Put them on. (gentle music) (Slade screaming) (gentle music) - If you
're gonna kill me, kill me. - I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to save you. - Well, you have a funny way of showing it, my friend. - I should kill you for not giving me the headphones to save Mary Lee. (intense music) - Go get her, Slade. (Slade screaming) - [Slade] Here I come! - Head phones? Mary Lee? - I'm from the future on a time machine that you created. - Oh, man. Did the CIA give you drugs, too? - Yeah, but that's irrelevant. - Listen, time travel doesn't exist. Believe me. I know. - O
h, but it does. You see, I'm here to save you from the Terranova. - The Terranova? Does she exist? - Yeah, she does. Believe me now? - You gotta kill her immediately. - No, I can't kill her now. I have to get back to the future. Gotta pick up my dry cleaning. - In a time machine? - Oh, so you do believe me, Mr. Oldman? No, I can't kill the Terranova now. You know why? In the not-to-distant future, she kills a terrorist that wants to nuke Hollywood, and we can't let that happen now, can we? You s
ee, astral projection really is something you need to be careful with. Certain events, you don't wanna change the outcome of. Now, come on, let's go. - For the future? - Yeah, but we gotta make a pit stop in 2030. I gotta mess with someone. - Dave Slade. Do me a favor, look around you. Huh? See all these people? Tasty little flock. You know, some of them know who you are. Some don't even know. Some don't even care. Some wanna kill you. You don't know who or why. Yeah, I wanna kill you. It's time
to die. - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah, mother fucker, let's go. - Yeah, yeah, yeah! (heavy metal music) (heavy metal music) (man singing) (yelling and arguing) - Die, bastard! (heavy metal music) (man singing) (gentle piano music) - I've been waiting for you, Dave Slade. (gentle piano music) - Well, the wait is over, baby. (woman screaming) (gentle piano music) Well, time to put you out of your misery. (gentle piano music) Oh, whatever. (gentle piano music) Well, Dave Slade won two grand tonig
ht. But Oldman was right. Old soldiers never die. They just fade away. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (gentle piano music) (heavy metal music) (heavy metal music) (man singing)
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