Early summer in May, the first ray of sunlight in the early morning was gentle and bright, as if the heavy rain last night hadn't poured down at all. Lin Xu started to have a fever since the wee hours of the morning, she got up at around two to take two antipyretic pills, but in the morning, her body was still aching all over, feeling waves of chill. Despite this, her mind was particularly clear due to the caffeine contained in the pain reliever. Last night, did Lu Ming...hold her? Why? "Don't o
verthink it, I was just comforting you. I have no other intentions," Lu Ming explained. "Did you go to see Xia Mo last night?" she asked in anxiety. Lu Ming answered "Hmm" without confirming or denying. In the afternoon study period, she asked for leave to go to the infirmary for an IV drip. However, despite three days of IV drip, her body temperature still fluctuated. Early in the fourth morning, her body temperature hit 39.7℃. Today was the day of the national middle school student single subj
ect competition finals. She lay on her desk with her cheek cooling against the icy surface. It seemed as though a blazing flame shot straight up from her neck to her forehead; the summer classroom was like a noisy mini sauna room, suffocating her. The boys behind her were shouting, pulling Lu Ming into discussions about the math problems they had just finished. She couldn't catch the content of their conversations, but the booming noises in her ear were pounding her temples with pain. She lifted
her eyelids and glanced unintentionally at the entrance of the examination hall. The next subject was English. His seat was next to hers. A chill crawled up from her waist to her back, and she couldn't stop shaking. Her body felt light while her head was heavy, like a big iron hammer with a thin wooden handle. She felt she could pass out and faint into the desk any moment. She opened her water bottle, shoved two antipyretic pills into her mouth. She planned to hold on until the English test was
over, then go to the infirmary for a drip. She had to finish the English test. She must. During her first year of high school, he sat next to her, yelling while signing her up, swearing to the teacher, "You have to sign her up." Step by step, she made it to the finals from the preliminary round. It's not just for the extra points in the college entrance exam, but more seemingly to meet a promise, or to fulfill a commitment. Even though things have changed and she and he don't interfere with eac
h other's life anymore. Finally, she caught a glimpse of him entering nonchalantly, draping autumn school uniform over his left shoulder. While waving hello to other students in the exam hall, he walked straight to his seat next to her. She turned her face away, avoiding him, not even wanting to nod at him as a greeting. Her palm wrapped in gauze was still burning painfully, constantly reminding her not to be stubborn and not to get entangled. Not to make herself so pitiful. "You should skip the
English test and go to the infirmary." A cool palm suddenly covered her forehead, her heart, which had been beating fast due to her fever, skipped a beat. Unfortunately, it wasn't him who spoke next to her ear. It was Lu Ming. For a moment, she didn't know what she was thinking about. "It's okay, thank you. I'm fine," she politely raised her head, her voice hoarse. "No, you have to go." Without a second word, Lu Ming grabbed her arm, trying to pull her up forcibly. Frustration bubbling up, she
felt her body weaken, head shaking insistently. Clinging desperately to the edge of the desk with one hand, she croaked out, "I'm alright, really, I'm not going...” Their back-and-forth seemed like a stone dropped onto a tranquil lake, ripples spreading around. She had been associated with rumors involving Lu Ming for a long time. Hearing their exchange, everyone looked over, faces filled with curiosity. She noticed Ye Feng, who was dedicated to pulling out his workbook from the bag, suddenly pa
used. Her mind froze along with the motion of his hand. Before she knew it, she was sent staggering by Lu Ming. "Lu Ming." Her other arm was abruptly grabbed by someone. "Let her take the exam," spoke the teen, his eyebrows knitted, looking at Lu Ming with a sincere tone. "She's in such a fever, is the competition more important than her life?" Lu Ming gruffly retorted, his gaze fixated on Ye Feng with confusion. "I can do this," Lin Xu hushed Lu Ming, repeating gently, "I'm really fine." "Liste
n to her," Ye Feng's voice rang out almost simultaneously. "Fine, I wash my hands of you," Nshaking her arm free, Lu Ming returned to his seat sulkily, pulling out the chair with a harsh scrape. "Thank you." Rallying a smile for Ye Feng, she thanked him and then proceeded to slouch onto the desk, not paying him any further attention. The noisy chirps of cicadas sounded from outside the window. She dove headfirst onto the desk, shivering continuously as a wave of cold shot straight up from her wa
ist. It was so cold. But everyone was in short-sleeves or shirts, who could spare her an extra layer? She lifted her head to scan her surroundings, then dispiritedly buried it back into her arms. A school uniform for the fall season was suddenly draped over her. The smooth, cold material soothed her chilly spine, warming her in an instant. "You're okay. I'll stay with you till the end of the exam,” she thought she heard him whisper to her. Must be the delusions from the fever, she thought with a
bitter smile. She slipped her arm into the uniform, even with her congested nose, she could faintly smell the familiar lavender laundry soap on him. She rested her head on her arms, the fragrance growing stronger and making her nose tingle, her mind throb. A tear leaked from her eye, it was burning. Burning hotter than her breath, hotter than her feverish skin, it slid down her cheek and landed on a pair of English initials penned in the middle of the sleeve, smudging them slightly. YF. Ye Feng
. A line from Eileen Chang suddenly popped into her mind, "Love is a life-long calamity, not loving is a life-long remorse." More than halfway through the exam, Lin Xu finally understood what Ye Feng meant by "I'll stay with you till the end". They knew well the patterns in the final English exam. The more advanced the stage, the more basic the questions, and the fewer in number. An exam intended to end at five had most students handing in papers and leaving by three-thirty. But Ye Feng, who had
finished his paper by two-fifty, remained seated even at four. By four, there were less than ten people left in the room. Yè Fēng, bored out of his mind, was fiddling with his pen, sprawling on the desk. The clattering noises of the pen falling onto the desk repeatedly provoked the invigilator's rage for the umpteenth time. "Yè Fēng! If you're done, submit your paper already! Why are you wasting time?" "I'm reviewing." Yè Fēng quickly sat up straight, sheepishly smiled, and said, "Teacher, I ne
ed to double-check." "You've been scrolling around and playing with your pen for over an hour. Where is this so-called review? Weren't you the one who raced to submit your papers the moment it was allowed during the last exams? What's so unusual today that you're sticking around and not leaving?" Yè Fēng was left without a choice but to grumble silently while Lin Xù subtly halted her pen and used the opportunity to sneak a glance at him. The young boy leaned against the desk, tilted his head to
look at her, and mouthed six words to her with a warm smile on his face. He said, "Take your time. Don't rush." At 4:20 PM, only she and Yè Fēng were left in the classroom. Her head was in searing pain. Due to the fever-reducing medicine she had taken, her brain felt blurry. Despite the reading comprehension questions not having too many back-breaking words, she had to read it several times over. Her palms would always sweat when she was answering questions. It usually was fine as it only dampen
ed the exam paper. But now, the sweat was seeping into her wounds, each letter she wrote radiated excruciating pain like stabbing needles into her palm. It was 4:20 PM, and she still had to start the essay part. Invigilators from other exam rooms who have completed their tasks walked in. "Isn't this the first exam room? Are there still people who aren't done?" Sighing, the invigilator shook his head and his sight once again met with the bored look in Ye Feng's eyes who quickly turned to look at
his paper. "Yè Fēng, submit it now!" The teacher planned to sort out Yè Fēng first before dealing with the girl sitting beside him who remained to finish her paper. "Hold on, why are you always rushing me? Isn't there someone else who hasn't finished?" "She hasn't even finished writing her essay! You have been done for a while now, do you even want to submit it?" "I’m weak in English, so I have to be the last one to hand it in to be at ease." He went on, pointing out Lin Xù who was passionately
writing her paper, "She was running a fever, yet she's giving such a tough fight. If I didn't review mine, I'm sure I'd flunk it." Without any comeback, the teacher stayed silent. Within the quiet class, the only sound left was the rustling of her pen, under the dim light from an old bulb hanging from the ceiling shadowing her. As she was halfway through her essay, she suddenly felt like she was the only one left in the room. The faint light fell on Yè Fēng's fair face, making him the only visib
le object to her in the darkness. Could she pretend like nothing ever happened? He was still her Yè Fēng, he hasn't fallen for any girl, he didn't risk his life to protect a girl he liked on that rainy night, he actually liked her just a tiny bit, and in the future, he would like her even more. He was still her unyielding courage and strength. Unfortunately, things won't go back to what they used to be. The heavy rain that occurred three days ago kept raining in her heart, extinguishing the spar
k in her heart and washing away her pertinacity. This rainstorm will never cease. The bell rang. Time to submit their papers. She packed her belongings, preparing to take off the school uniform to hand it back to him. "No need to take it off, I won't wear it, just keep it on." he said. "Why did you only submit your paper now?" she asked with a raspy voice. "I was worried you would try to power through it and collapse. Or you might panic if the invigilator rushed you." "Do I seem that fragile to
you?" she said and then started another coughing fit. "Sigh, considering your physical condition, shouldn't you eat a bit more? You're as skinny as a coat hanger." He glanced at her hand wrapped in a bandage, "Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you, what happened to your hand?" "I had a fall a few days ago, accidentally scraped it." "Didn't that kill you while answering the questions? You're some kind of a heroine, still insisting on taking the exam in such a condition. Impressive." She gazed at
him in silence, a thin layer of moisture veiled her eyes. "When you registered for the exam, you guaranteed the teachers that I would definitely win a reward and bring glory to the school, didn't you?" She managed to tug the corners of her mouth upward into a smile, "I can't let you down." The boy scratched the back of his head, letting out a sheepish grin. He always smiled like that, in an innocent and naive manner, with complete honesty. And who could she blame for her sadness? Blame herself
for not being able to confess her love? Or, should he be to blame? Because even when she stood before him, her love shining in her eyes, he simply failed to see it. So it seemed, that her genuine love had turned into a burdensome treasure she bore on her shoulders, lifted and put down time and time again. This constant cycle left her weary. Those feelings induced by him, in the end, had nothing to do with him anymore. The rollercoaster-like fluctuations of mock exam results gave one an uncanny f
eeling, like soaring toward the clouds one minute and plummeting into a valley the next. This made people doubt themselves more and more about who they really were. All they could do was to force themselves to mechanically take exams, review answers, calculate scores, correct mistakes, then continue with another exam, review answers, calculate scores...numerous red crosses on the paper looked like the open, blood-drenched mouths of terrifying beasts, swallowing the last vestiges of confidence, l
eaving behind only helplessness and sighs. Lin Xù ranked second in her year group in the first mock exam, fifth in the second, and fell to eighth in the third. She had grown particularly fond of skipping evening study sessions lately. Sneaking up to the rooftop of the building, she would watch the campus news being broadcast on the giant screen hanging atop the science building across from her. Occasionally, she would turn her gaze to the three bright windows situated right below the large scree
n and stare at them for a long time. Those were the windows of the Class Three-year-one classroom. Though she believed she no longer loved him, she still needed to grasp onto something or think about something when she hit rock bottom. As if only by doing this could she force herself to crawl back up again. Unconsciously, he was moving ahead of her, making their distance ever more apparent. Unconsciously, he had become the faith she adhered to. The chirping cicadas filled the summer night, and a
gentle breeze swept across the moonlit sky. She felt a light rustle of footsteps from behind. "You haven't been crying?" Lù Míng walked over, his body leaning against the railings to her right. She chuckled, throwing him a glance. "What brought you here?" she asked. "The same reason as you, escaping from the study session." He casually responded, his gaze, however, followed hers, landing on the three brightly lit windows under the large screen across the building. "Can I ask you a question?" Lù
Míng turned to look at her, his bright eyes locked onto hers, "Why do you like Yè Fēng?" She was taken aback, her lips moving to no avail when she heard Lù Míng supplement, "Don't tell me it's because he's handsome and gets good grades." She faintly smiled, then retorted, "If not that, what else could it be?" Lù Míng stared at her eyes, a hint of a profound smile lingered at the corner of his mouth. It made her feel uncomfortable, diverting her gaze. "He and I are completely opposite people, bu
t sometimes, I feel like we are very similar." After a long thought, she finally spoke, "He's like a unique mirror. When I see him, I can see a very different version of myself. "Do you understand?" "Yes." Lù Míng ambiguously replied, then added, "Me too." "You're talking about...Xià Mò?" she carefully speculated. Lù Míng was startled, he chuckled, and went silent. "I kinda envy him." After a while, his gaze returned to the windows across the building. "Because he's your rival in love?" Her shor
t fringe on the forehead was being ruffled by the breeze, she didn't bother to smooth it down, just letting it be disorderly. However, in front of Yè Fēng, she was not like this at all. He often spotted her straightening up her collar or smoothing her fringe when she noticed Yè Fēng from afar. After the fitness test that day, he realized that he might have a little crush on her so he would often steal glances at her. But only after he started stealing glances at her did he realize that she often
did the same to Yè Fēng. "I suppose so." He smiled, somewhat self-mockingly. Letting her keep misunderstanding him like this didn't seem to be a bad idea. Xià Mò served as a shield, effectively protecting his fragile pride from being shattered by anyone. This was enough. Two weeks before the college entrance exam, the final push phase was in full swing. Xià Mò and Yè Fēng were called into the headteacher's office along with their parents. Both sets of parents were called into the headteacher's
office. Spread open on the table were evidence of the two students getting too close recently. Xià Mò's third mock exam results, which had dropped by over ten ranks, and several pictures of the two of them walking hand in hand. News about the bar incident somehow leaked out, with rumors that Xia Mo's father had kicked Xia Mo several times in front of their class teacher. On the school field, clusters of female students were discussing Xia Mo, who had just emerged from the office with tear-staine
d eyes. Lin Xu did not join them. Instead, right after the physical education teacher's whistle signaling dismissal sounded, she headed straight for the classroom, intending to continue working on her mock exam questions. "Shall we head back together?" Lu Ming caught up with her, jogging from behind. "Mhm." Lin Xu responded lightly. Along the way, they casually discussed their study progress, avoiding mention of the issue between Xia Mo and Ye Feng, almost like an unspoken agreement. She had gen
uinely moved on and didn't care anymore, but she wondered if Lu Ming had done the same. The classroom was silent, save for the rustling sounds of writing from the two who were competing to finish a math problem first. Lin Xu solved the problem first and stood up to use the bathroom, capping her pen in the process. Before leaving, she turned around, smiled smugly at Lu Ming, and said, "You're slower than me today," almost as if in provocation. Unfazed, Lu Ming only laughed and asked, "Are you tha
t happy just because you surpassed me once?" A sour feeling arose in her heart. She was suddenly reminded of the night the midterm grades were first released after their freshman year specialization. Ye Feng had unabashedly told her, "I just can't stand him, so I hope you'll always come in first. Don't ever give him a chance." Why did he come to mind again? So annoying. She shook her head, intending to wash her face in the restroom before going to the toilet. But just as she reached the restroom
door, she ran into Xia Mo and He Miao coming from the opposite direction. The tears in Xia Mo's eyes were still circling in her reddened eye sockets. A slight tremble of her lengthy eyelashes and the clear tears dropped. He Miao was by her side, holding her arm and wiping the teardrops at the corner of her eyes with a tissue. Lin Xu chose to ignore them, preparing to walk straight past He Miao, but she was suddenly met with a harsh glance. "Bitch." He Miao spat out coldly. "Who are you calling
a bitch?" Lin Xu stopped in her tracks, staring straight at He Miao. "You're the one who snitched, aren't you? Did you leak the bar incident as well? Why are you so cunning?" "I care so much that I snitched? What does this have to do with me?" Lin Xu retorted. "Because you like Ye Feng!" He Miao's righteous accusation shattered her defenses, causing her to go pale. "I do not!" She insisted, trying to hide her guilt. "I checked the guard's registration book, where were you going that night as a b
oarding student? I'm sure you went to the bar! You're just jealous and want to break them up so you can swoop in. But look at yourself in the mirror, you're not in the same league! Shameless!" "What's it to you where I go?" Lin Xu suppressed the trembling of her body, staring fiercely at He Miao, and calmly said, "Bring evidence before you point fingers. Let me tell you, He Miao, I don't want to get involved with you, but don't overstep your boundaries." Once Lin Xu finished, she was a little sh
ocked by her own boldness. She was surprisingly daring to curse outright. However, He Miao promptly slapped her. Her ears were ringing, her cheeks stinging with pain. Lin Xu instinctively wanted to retaliate, but her raised arm was firmly pinned by He Miao. Taking advantage of her superior strength, He Miao grinned maliciously, her hand clutching Lin Xu's wrist so tightly it turned red. Despite all her struggles, Lin Xu couldn't break free. "Why, Lin Xu, why can't you beat her?" She was in distr
ess, but then she saw a hand suddenly stretch over to protect her behind its back. The voice of an annoyed young man rang out. "Let go." He Miao was obviously intimidated by the cold look of Lu Ming. His face turned pale for a moment, and he hesitantly loosened his grip on her hand. "Slap!" When Lu Ming slapped He Miao, both Lin Xu and Xia Mo standing by were stunned. The corridor was silent, with the sound of water droplets falling from the tap in the nearby restroom, drip...drip... "You..." He
Miao covered his face, tears welled up in his eyes, and he looked at Lu Ming unbelievably for a long time before yelling, "You really like her! How could she be worth it?" For a fleeting moment, with He Miao's widespread accusations and complaints, all of Lin Xu's thoughts returned to their place. About Lu Ming. His embrace to her on the rainy night, his urgency to take her to the clinic, his attitude towards He Miao just now... But he had clearly denied it, saying he didn't like her. He said t
hat he still liked Xia Mo. "Lu Ming." Xia Mo sniffled and spoke first, "Did you tell my parents? We grew up together, they ask you everything, was it you?" "I hate you the most." Lu Ming lightly tugged at the corner of his lip, staring straight at Xia Mo and asked coldly, "You’ve never had even a bit of trust in me since childhood, right?" Xia Mo stared at him, silent for a moment. "How does it matter what you think?" He looked into her eyes and spoke slowly. After a long silence, Lu Ming took L
in Xu's hand and turned to walk away, but after a few steps, he was suddenly stopped by a familiar voice. She turned around and saw Ye Feng rushing over, grabbing Lu Ming by the collar and swinging a punch at his face, knocking him to the ground. Xia Mo quickly ran over to grab Ye Feng's arm, while Lin Xu stepped forward subconsciously, extending her arms to firmly shield Lu Ming who had fallen on the ground. "It wasn't." Ye Feng looked unbelievingly at Lin Xu in front of him, his eyebrows furro
wed, but he took a breath and said in a softer tone, "You stay out of this issue between him and me." "No." For the first time, she looked him squarely in the eye, her tone firm. "What's our relationship? You're helping him and not me?" Ye Feng was annoyed, his expression cooled down, and after a glance at Lu Ming, he pulled a smirk and said to her, "Got it, you like him, so you're protecting him, right?" Time seemed to stand still. Water droplets continued to fall from the untightened tap, drip
...drip... was her heart bleeding. She didn't answer, just lowered her head, carefully helped Lu Ming up, and then took his arm and turned to leave. "Lin Xu! If you consider me a friend, don't go!" The frustrated voice of Ye Feng rang behind her, making her steps falter. Who wants to be your friend. Who cares. She didn't stop, but quickened her pace instead, pulling Lu Ming’s arm a little harder. Tears welled up uncontrollably, falling down her cheeks drop by drop. She noticed Lu Ming had been q
uietly staring at her, seemingly wanting to wipe away her tears, but in the end, he didn't raise his hand. You know what, Ye Feng? I've never considered you as a friend. I don't want to be your friend anymore. "Are you done talking?" Inside the Nanjing restaurant in Xingzhong Food Street, Sister Ling took a gulp of beer, her eyebrows furrowed, and asked, "So you're not contacting him, just because of a small misunderstanding? Come on, it's almost ten years, it's not a big deal, you should have l
aughed it off by now." "No." Lin Xu pouted, took a sip of the plum soup with the straw, "There's no need to contact." "Is that so?" Sister Ling hummed, "You don't want to be friends either?" "I don't want to be friends anymore." She tugged at the corner of her mouth. "So I find it strange. You're not attending any reunions or meeting suitors, and have no interest in dating at all. Are you planning to stay single forever?" "Who's staying single? I'm not!" Lin Xu retorted, vexed. All these years,
she really believed she no longer liked him. For all these years, she hadn't met another person she genuinely liked either. Really. "No?" Sister Ling grabbed her phone, opened Weibo, and jabbed the icon of his account in 'frequently visited', "Then why are you spying on his Weibo daily? Why?" "What the heck?!" Lin Xu snatched her phone back. Her nose prickled, as if she was about to cry. So many years had passed. She'd merely searched for his Weibo account from time to time, not leaving likes o
r following him. Even the 'frequently visited' feature annoyed her. She thought she was dignified and strong enough. What else did she have to do to prove herself? How important was it to move on, really? Did it matter if she moved on or not? The kaleidoscope lights reflected off the glass walls, serving as a fantastic backdrop for Sister Ling, highlighting her tired and disheveled face. A beautiful face. Her beautifully done-up flushed face and well-defined features - she was surprised at times
while looking in the mirror. After learning to dress up, she found she could be quite beautiful. Was she as beautiful as his new girlfriend? Occasionally, like she was possessed, she'd ask herself this question. Over the years, she's worked non-stop, striving for achievements and busying herself with work, just to live better than him. To prove to him, that even without him, her life could be wonderful. To love others flamboyantly, someone better than him. He had a new girlfriend after breaking
up with Xia Mo, right? What's so impressive about that? Unfortunately, despite her efforts, she ended up as single as ever, making a ridiculous exit. "Alright, I won't tease you anymore." Seeing Lin Xu rest her head on the desk, listlessly clutching her phone, Sister Ling reached out and gently smoothed her hair, "Have you handled your resignation procedures?" "Mm-hmm." She responded softly. Sister Ling sighed, "You're too young, you'll regret this sooner or later. "The supervisor really likes
you. Life in Beijing is like this, whatever job you do will leave you exhausted. Honestly, our company has quite good conditions compared to others in the financial sector, are you sure you won't reconsider?" "I've decided, I won't reconsider." She smiled faintly, showing a row of neat white teeth. "You've worked for such a long time and you're still considering changing your major to Peking University? Honestly, our R University is not small in China, many people couldn't get a chance to study
there in their lifetime. How come you're still holding on to Peking University?" "I just don't want to continue like this anymore." She didn't want to have anything to do with finance, not wanting a monotonous "996" work schedule, not wanting to endure the chaos of office life. Though, most people are just managing with such circumstances. You are living your life in the capital, graduated from a prestigious university, and have a high-paying job. What else do you want, Lin Xu? But she knew what
she didn't want. The poor old streets of the county town, outrageously lit up with festive lights in the winter night were welcoming this sophisticated alumni, who was returning home, jobless from Beijing. Lin Xu unlocked the door, dragged her luggage in, returning to her dark, empty home. Her mother probably went to do her night shift, and her father was likely out drinking again. Sure enough, as soon as she turned on the desk lamp, planning to unpack her suitcase, she heard the banging of the
door. "What the hell are you doing? Do you want to ruin your life?" The moment her father walked in, he angrily poked at her chest with his empty liquor bottle. She said nothing, helping the man to take off his shoes and coat. She was shoved towards the room until she manages to help him get to bed. "What a good job." Her father mumbled while sprawling on the bed, his brows furrowed in a drunken stupor, "You just love to 'create problems', always 'creating problems'..." Lin Xu returned to her r
oom, closed the door, and aimlessly sat at her desk, staring blankly at the blanching light spilling from her desk lamp until it hurt her eyes. Her mother had encouraged her, saying if she didn't want to work for a company, she could try for civil service or a job at a bank. If she was considering postgraduate, she should try to get into a postgraduate finance program at her current school. Shaking her head, she said, "No, I don't want to do finance." An experienced adult, resigning from a high-
paying job at Zhongguancun to shift their major to study Literature at Peking University, to anyone, would be absurd. Adults don't have the privilege to dream. They can't afford the price or the cost of dreaming. Adults aren't supposed to have any glimmers in their eyes. But she didn't want to continue being such an adult. She felt restless, so she tidied the room while unpacking her luggage. She took out her junior high and high school textbooks and notes from the large bookcase for a fresh sor
t-out. She opened a notebook, an old, crumpled photo with a torn corner slid out from the crevice, and gently landed on the floor. The boy in the photo had striking features, his smile as bright as the warm sun. As she bent down to slowly pick it up, she studied it intently for a long time, tracing the contours of his face with her finger, a tender smile on her face. Back then, young and naive, she'd even done foolish things like stealing photos. "Teacher, her name is Lin Xu, from the tenth clas
s, she writes excellent essays." "I'm sure I'll get into Tsinghua or Peking University. You guys in the Literature faculty must want to get into Peking University too, right? Why don't we get into Peking University together?" "I understand you, and that's why I really admire you. You're great." "So, you have to be proud like me, you can't be insecure anymore, okay?" Just like a slow-motion movie on loop, the memories were clear as day. All these years, she didn't really like to reminisce. The pe
rson in those memories had completely disappeared from her life, but still lingered in her mind, swaying and swinging. She could see him in the windy schoolyard at midnight, at crowded bus stations and metro stations, even when she closed her eyes with her headphones in. That guy, he's always doing well. She was the top student in the city's high school entrance examination for science, missing the opportunity to study in Qingbei (representative prestigious Chinese universities like Peking Unive
rsity or Tsinghua University) by just 10 points, and was accepted by Shanghai Jiao Tong University instead. During university, she served as the president of the student union, won national awards for four consecutive years, and her high GPA led her to be recommended for postgraduate studies in Fudan University. During her sophomore year, she dated a girl who was both outstanding and beautiful. God always had his ways, she always knew. Perhaps that's why, after all these years, there was still a
sense of discontent. Those unforgettable moments, remember them as they are. She had met him, and she would remember. Lin Xu decided to go to the city for her postgraduate examination preparation. Before leaving, as she was packing and rummaging through her desk drawer, she noticed a green highlighter pen lying in the corner. The highlighter could no longer be used, but she picked it up gently and slipped it into a pouch in her suitcase, together with an old, slightly damaged photograph. She wa
nted to carry them in her suitcase, to accompany her on another journey, long, solitary, and incredibly difficult. There were plenty of open seats in the Experimental High School library. She asked her teacher to help her find a faculty dormitory to live in. Studying, dining, and experiencing the joys and sorrows of life with a group of children nearly ten years younger than her, she felt much younger herself. Here, there were fond memories as well as some bitter ones. Upon her high school gradu
ation, she felt that the bitterness left by the Experimental High School far surpassed the warmth. Now, however, the situation seemed entirely reversed. Her cousin from her aunt's family had just been admitted to the Experimental High School. Occasionally, Lin Xu would eat lunch in the cafeteria with her. "Don't listen to what my mom and the others are saying," her cousin earnestly said as she bit into a chicken leg. "They said you couldn't find a job even though you graduated from R University.
I think it's cool that you quit your job to study for a postgrad exam, refusing blind dates and avoiding relationships." Lin Xu forced a smile. If she had been on the right path from the start, she wouldn't have had to quit her job. If she could meet someone she genuinely likes, she would really like to be in a relationship. She wasn’t cool at all; she merely was very miserable. Despite boasting a "640+" score in the Gaokao (China's college entrance exam), this statement might make her cousin d
ismiss her as dramatic and pretentious. "By the way, sis, there's a New Year's play in the auditorium in the afternoon, our class is performing, do you want to come?" "I need to study," Lin Xu shook her head. "Just come. It's not like you're going to miss much with one afternoon off. I'm performing and I'd like you to help me record a video." "Alright," Lin Xu frowned, "What performance?" "Singing 'Little Happiness'", her cousin said with a sweet smile, lowering her voice shyly, "I'll be doing a
duet with the boy I secretly love." "I see, then I really have to go," Lin Xu blinked, jokingly adding, "I have to see what your future brother-in-law looks like." "Hush!" her cousin hushed with urgency, glancing around, "Sis, lower your voice! He hasn't become my boyfriend yet!" "That's good," Lin Xu said, reaching out and gently patting her cousin's head. "What's good?" "I mean, it's nice to have someone to like," she said with a deep and meaningful smile. Lin Xu had almost forgotten how long
it had been since she had stepped into this auditorium. She chose a corner seat to avoid blocking the view of the younger brothers and sisters who were watching the programs. The dense crowd blurred in the dazzling light, causing a moment of disorientation as if the next second a casual teenager with a satchel would suddenly appear, pat her on the shoulder, look curiously along her line of sight, and ask her, "Who are you looking for?” I am looking for you. All these years, I have been looking
for you. I really, really, miss you. The deafening sound check from the microphone on stage snapped her back to reality. Nearly thirty years old now, yet her mind was still staging dramatic narratives from high-school romance novels, where the leading man was still that naïve seventeen-year-old boy who once stole her breath away. Lin Xu, you're too naive. She sat back in her chair, delightfully watching the young girls on stage performing the dance to "Produce 101"'s theme song. The glorious spo
tlights on the stage made her rub her eyes. As the opening dance concluded, the announcer, a young girl, slowly walked onto the stage. A sweet and melodious voice echoed gently from the microphone. "Our next segment is very special; it's an experience sharing session." "Everyone is already familiar with the one who will be sharing. As soon as I announce his name, all of you in the audience, especially the girls, are definitely going to scream." "He is our school's top scorer in the national coll
ege entrance examination for the 12th grade. Our straight-A senior from the science class, Ye Feng. Everybody, give him a warm welcome." Inside the auditorium filled with thunderous applause, screams and cheers pierced through her eardrums, almost deafening her. A decade's worth of dreams and reality suddenly converged at that moment. She could hear her heart pounding violently in her chest, like the beating of an anxious drum, thumping, thumping. The figure of the boy rising from the first row
and stepping onto the stage blurred into dazzling multicolored lights. The man before her, he was her Ye Feng. The one she had loved for so long, her boy. The stage was warmly lit, its light unabashedly highlighting the young man's fluffy hair, casting a halo-like glow that only the beloved ones of God could bask in. After all this time, Lin Xu could still recognize him instantly. He had somehow acquired a fall school uniform and was wearing it. Was it the same one he had lent her back in the da
y? That school uniform, which he once gently draped over her, its scent of pungent lavender detergent had been swirling in her nostrils for all these years, making her head spin every now and then. His broad smile, radiant under the stage light, was still as seductive as ever, blinding anyone who dared to look. "Hello everyone, my name is Ye Feng, a 2012 graduate of Experimental High School. I'm currently a third-year graduate student at Fudan University. Today, at the invitation of Mr. Xu, I ca
me here to talk to our class about studying methods." The audience burst into applause. Lin Xu quietly watched him, her eyes welling with tears, her sight becoming increasingly blurred. "Actually, I..." The young man scratched his head, smiling shyly," I really don't know much about studying methods." The classmates below all laughed, and she herself managed to smile through her tears. Ten years had passed, yet he seemed still the same clumsy, impulsive dork from back then, not a bit changed. "A
ctually, the main reason for my visit today was to see the teachers. Then I heard about our class reunion, so I decided to come and chat with you all, considering I'm almost a decade older than you. "I can't exactly offer any studying methods, nor do I want to fool you with something I found on the Internet." The young man fell silent for a moment, his eyes scanning the room, suddenly brightened, and he said, "How about I tell you a story instead?" "Yes!" The students responded enthusiastically.
"But it's not my story, it's a story about your senior sister. Her name is Lin Xu. She was one of the top five liberal arts students in our city during the college entrance exam that year. She was admitted to R University." Time seemed to stand still. The raucous crowd around her suddenly became incredibly silent, a silence only pierced by his voice, and the sound of her own heartbeat. "About your senior sister," He recalled, a soft smile forming on his face, "I used to tell others that she was
the most hardworking person I knew— truly hardworking, not just studying until two or three in the morning or memorizing words while using the restroom — she was hardworking in her fight against fate, never willing to give up. She once gave me a sentence, a sentence that has accompanied me for many years and has given me a great deal of motivation. Now, I would like to share it with you all. "To win the world, go exceed this world. "Actually, telling you Lin Xu's story is just my way of telling
you, never easily deny yourselves. Do what you really want to do, pursue those seemingly impractical dreams. If you are unsatisfied with the world as it is, create your own and use it to defeat the current one. "That's it from me, thank you all." In the midst of the tumultuous applause, Lin Xu's body was shaking. Her mascara-smeared eyes stared unblinkingly at the boy on the stage, as if the next second she would stand up, rush to the stage, embrace him tightly, and say, "I miss you." For all t
hese years, I've missed you incredibly. Not caring about the past, not worrying about the future, just holding him tightly, even if for only a second. Can I? Until the moment he stepped off stage and exited the room, her gaze was firmly fixed on him. However, she never moved to chase after him, neither did she greet him with a loud and clear: "Long time no see, Ye Feng." It's been such a long time, a very long time since they last met. She sat stiffly in her seat, watching the emcee lifting the
microphone onto the stage and announcing, "Thank you to senior Ye Feng for sharing his experiences, next let's welcome the next group to perform the song 'Little Happiness'." Her cousin and a young boy came on stage. The duet, full of tacit understanding, was just right in rendering its sadness. "Meeting you was my good luck, but I have already lost the right to shed tears for you." I have long lost the courage to reunite with you, and never had the right to embrace you. During her four years of
university, she often stood on the overpass from the school gate to the opposite side of the road, staring blankly at the night scene below. In the night of Beijing's West Third Ring Road, the colorful car lights spilled into a slow-mo galaxy of twinkling stars. She was not happy at R University. She was forced by her parents to major in finance, which she didn't like, during the college entrance examination. In the prestigious school filled with strong performers, she competed for scholarships
and student council retention qualifications. For the sake of overall performance increase, she sought opportunities for uninteresting scientific research projects. She crammed text books into her mouth during the final exam eve, not really knowing what she had learned in the end. In the small county, she was the halo-bearer, a star student once in ten years. Within the closed doors of R University, she became transparent, failing to excel in anything and trailing at the end with her academic p
erformance. The utilitarian atmosphere of small circles, the bureaucratic style of small societies, she disliked them all, was unfitting to all of them, yet compelled herself to say that they were right. Studying finance was the right decision because you can make a lot of money, because it has prospects. Is it really so? Across the overpass, the giant cinema sparkled with dazzling neon lights, and couples or high earning office workers stood at the cinema door with DQ ice cream or McDonald's fr
uit tea in their hands. Is he doing well? Would he also go to the cinema to watch a film with his girlfriend on the night after he received a scholarship? The wind in Beijing's subway howled, people in a hurry, how about Shanghai? The Bund with the towering Oriental Pearl Tower, must have a more captivating night view than West Third Ring Road, right? She suddenly thought, if over a decade ago, the timid and poorly performing girl hadn't met him. If such a dazzling and noisy boy hadn't appeared
in her life. Then, what would she be like now, along with her youth? She would be content to be an ordinary girl, without so much ambition, without so much discontent, what will be will be, and don't force anything that's not meant to be. But she did meet him, really met him, and since then, she had the obsession, the discontent, and was insistent on everything. In the roaring youth that passed like a black and white silent film, he was a strong splash of color. She cherishes it to this day. As
the song's accompaniment came to an end, Lin Xu packed up her bags silently, walked out of the auditorium, and returned to her seat in the library. The aged and yellow pages of "History of Chinese Literature", opened to the second page, shined brightly under the golden sunlight. She had met him, truly met him. All those confusing thoughts growing up will eventually be unraveled, yet he is the one she can never avoid. Although she tries hard to flee, in every moment of despair, he still becomes t
he only glimmer of light in her heart. She thinks, when everyone is against her, when no one has faith in her resignation to pursue graduate studies, if he was there, he would definitely stand on her side. He and she have distinct yet similar souls. He doesn't understand her weaknesses and timidity, yet he understands her perseverance and unwillingness to give up. So, he's asked her more than once, "Lin Xu, can you be a little braver?" Yes, why can't she be a little braver? Even a proud man like
him has said she can be braver. Why had she been holding onto him for so many years? Lin Xu thought, she finally found the answer. Although he has expressed admiration and nostalgia, he never said he liked her. In the evening, back in her dorm room, Lin Xu dried her hair after a shower, then laid in bed chatting on the phone with Jiu Mei. "Is everything settled for your accommodations?” “Mmhm.” "Alright, you go and study hard, we're waiting for your good news." "Okay." “Oh, have you checked you
r social circle update? Lu Ming had a wedding in M state.” "Eh? Really?" She laughed, "I haven't checked yet." “I have a feeling,” Jiu Mei's voice lowered seriously, “His wife looks a lot like you. Do you think he's still hooked on you?” "Don't guess nonsense, how could it be possible?" Lin Xu chided. “I’m just puzzled. He hasn’t had a girlfriend throughout his four years in university. He must have been waiting for you, right? You’ve never found someone you liked, why didn’t you just accept him
? He’s cold to everyone except you. I’ve advised you multiple times to give it a try with him, haven’t you listened?” "Because I don't like him enough," Lin Xu sighed. “Come on, do you even know what it means to like someone? You've never been in a relationship." "Eh, Ji Jiu Mei, so what if you fell in love early?" How could she not know what it means to "like"? The feeling of a heartbeat, was only ever experienced in the presence of that one person. After so many years, this feeling remained ex
clusive to him. But she firmly believes that she will eventually meet someone she likes more than him, and this "eventually" will come sooner or later. “Oh right, Luo Yichuan said, Ye Feng went back to our high school today, with the girlfriend he’s been dating for several years. Did you meet her? Is she beautiful?” "I didn’t see them." Lin Xu answered indifferently. “You think about it, he and Xia Mo were so close back then, but they still broke up after the college entrance exam. I heard Xia M
o now has a rich boyfriend in Xiamen who buys her bags daily. But that guy's looks, ah...” "How many couples can really go from school to marriage? So, Sister Ji, better appreciate your Luo gege, when are you planning to get married?" “Year after next? When you become a Peking University student, coming to be my bridesmaid with your school badge.” "You've had enough Ji Jiu Mei," Lin Xu scoffed. "Alright then, go to sleep early, and wake up early to study." Before hanging up the phone, Jiu Mei ea
rnestly told her, "If you want to talk to someone, call me, Sister Ji's always with you." Mmm, she knows. Nearly ten years after graduation, she lost contact with many high school classmates. The waves of time have washed away countless deep and superficial memories, but some people have never left, like Jiu Mei. And some people, she carefully watches over like the seashells left on the shore, but she never dares to pick them up. Like him. The days reviewing for postgraduate entrance examination
were much harder than Lin Xu had imagined. The wholly new professional knowledge left her clueless no matter how many times she flipped through the textbooks, unable to answer the deep or obscure questions. After several years of work, her English abilities had been discarded, thus the English test for postgraduate entrance examination was challenging for her. Packed with unfamiliar words, she struggled to understand the reading section, making frequent mistakes while answering the questions. W
henever she feels like she cannot persist anymore, she pulls out her phone, lights up the screen, and looks at the glaring yet simple English phrase that she uses as her screen wallpaper. To win the world. To defeat the world out there with the world of her own making. Once, she gave that phrase to him during a fireworks shower. Later, he gave it back to her in a lecture at the auditorium. This phrase gave her strength and wisdom when she felt weak, confused, and lost. Over two years of review,
she felt lonely and painful countless times, and struggled desperately countless times. But she never considered giving up. Because she never chose to give up, she finally made it through and was lucky to receive the reward that fate had gifted her. She finally arrived at Peking University. After two years of refinement, her tenderness matures a lot, causing her to feel unexpectedly calm in Peking University, losing the youthful passion. The peach blossoms by the Weiming Lake have blossomed just
a few days ago. To help her tutor prepare the cards for the Ancient Books and Scrolls Exhibition, she has been spending nights in the office of the college for almost a week. This morning, she finally finished her work. After lunch, she put on her shoulder bag, walked to the lake, and planned to enjoy the scent of flowers. In high school, the inspiring articles by He Shutin, "Why Do You Deserve to be in Peking University," was a hit at her school. She had printed it out and put it on the wall o
f her dorm for three full years. She can still recite the first sentence of the article today, "The peach blossom by Weiming Lake has blossomed, just a few days ago." The peach blossoms by Weiming Lake have blossomed. After the first mid-term exam in her freshman year of high school, she ranked first in her grade. On the day of the results, she was eating with him in a restaurant, and he looked at her fervently, "How about we take the Peking University entrance test together?" In the high school
campus in the small northern town, there were only a few trees, let alone flowers or grasses. It wasn't beautiful at all. That night, she was lying in bed, looking at the rough bed board, and responding to him with a smile in her heart, "Ye Feng, once we get into Peking University, we can go see the peach blossoms by Weiming Lake." Let's go together. Looking back now, it's kind of like a dream come true, only he's not here. He heard he's working in a bank in Shanghai with a decent salary. Sitti
ng on a bench by the lake, she looked at the calm water in front of her, and asked softly in her heart, “Ye Feng, when will you come to Beijing? I will show you the peach blossoms by Weiming Lake.” The breeze wrinkled the spring water. She bent the corners of her mouth, like a self-deprecating smile. Why bother? Why is she still torturing herself like this? "Hey, could you do me a favor? I dropped my phone in your lake." Suddenly, Lin Xu's shoulder was lightly patted by someone. The familiar voi
ce made her feel electrified. She turned her body sharply, looking at the man in front of her with a stare, her face filled with complex emotions. "Ye Feng," she said. There was no exaggerated crying and hugging that she had rehearsed countless times for this moment of reunion in her head. She just said his name calmly. "Lin, Lin Xu?" The young man looked confused, taking a moment to react before scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, "Is that really you? You've changed so much, I alm
ost didn't recognize you." She laughed, but as her mouth curved upwards, tears threatened to fall. "How did you recognize me at a glance?" He asked. Because you are Ye Feng. Because you are Ye Feng, I can always recognize you. Do you understand that, dummy? "You haven't changed much," She said, with a smile. "By the way, my phone. I dropped it in the lake when I was taking a picture. Do you guys have anything to pull it out?" She laughed helplessly, getting a security guard nearby to retrieve hi
s phone with a magnet. But, having soaked in the water for too long, his phone wouldn't turn on. The young man kept fiddling with the phone, a mix of frustration and resignation on his face. Unable to contain herself, she burst into laughter. Her laughter echoed her longing and sadness of over a decade. "Stop laughing! That's not fair!" Ye Feng said indignantly, glaring at her, "Without my phone, I'm penniless." "Why are you in Beijing?" She asked. "I'm here on business. I had some free time tod
ay and thought I'd visit Peking University." "Let's get your phone fixed at the campus repair shop. How could you be so silly to drop your phone in the water while taking a picture?" She laughed again. "I just slipped," He shrugged nonchalantly, "Let's go." The repairman said the phone would only be ready by the evening. Lin Xu took the initiative, "I'll treat you to dinner tonight. Otherwise, you won't even have money for a meal." "Thank you. I'll transfer you the money once my phone is fixed."
"Oh, nevermind. Since you're in Beijing, I should treat you. What do you want to eat?" "I'm not too familiar with the place, you choose. My hotel is near R University. I have a video conference in the afternoon, after which I'll head directly to the restaurant to meet you." "R University? I know the place well. I remember there's a 'Sa La Hua Er' restaurant across the road from the east entrance. I used to go there a lot with my roommates. Do you like Xinjiang cuisine?" "Sure." "Alright, you go
get busy first. See you then." She stood at the entrance of the subway station, watching his figure disappear among the bustling crowd. It took her a while to come back to her senses. Polite yet not awkward greetings after a decade passed, is this what she had been waiting for? Shouldn't she say something more? Yet, having missed out on ten years of each other's life, what more could they say at this serendipitous meeting? Getting close to him had always been easier for her, than for him to get
close to her. Yet, in these ten years, he never intended to get close to her. So she had to suppress her overwhelming longing and masked her inner turmoil with an effortless smile. For the dignity she has been persisting all the years. Lin Xu lost her dignity at last. As soon as she got back to her dorm, she washed her hair and redid her makeup in front of the mirror. Her heart kept pounding from the moment she started washing her hair until she took the subway to R University. Her blood rushin
g past her temples and her cheeks burning red. It was only a little past three in the afternoon. Why did she leave so early? She got off at the subway station of R University and bought all the delicious cafeteria food and supermarket snacks that she remembered from her four years. When she came out of the east gate of R University, she headed straight for the popular small shops outside the gate for a heavy haul. Carrying multiple bags, she got back on the subway and got off after one stop at M
University. Relying on her memory, she bought lots of unique cakes and snacks on the dining street outside the west gate of M University. During her four years in college, these were probably the different kinds of food she had tasted. In her freshman year, she came to Beijing for the first time from a small county town, having seen very little of the world. Any delicious food in the campus or near the school, she would unconsciously remember it, thinking that if she had a chance in the future,
she could bring him to try it. If there is a chance, in the future. By the time she finally finished her affairs, it was almost five in the afternoon. After getting off the subway, she walked while tidying up her makeup and hair in the small mirror in her bag. Then she gently pushed open the glass door of the restaurant. "What are you doing?" Ye Feng looked at the girl who rushed in, carrying many parcels. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "I went to R University this afternoon and saw th
at the shops nearby are still selling some of the famous snacks from the past, so I thought we could try them together." She blushed slightly and embarrassedly broke into a smile, "I accidentally bought too many." "Sure, let's try the cuisine of R University." He got up, took all the plastic bags from her hand, and then lifted his chin to signal her to sit down. "We have meat sandwiches, seaweed rice rolls, dumplings, duck blood vermicelli soup and fried yogurt here. You can choose what to eat f
irst." She opened the plastic bags one by one on the table. "Are you sure we still order dishes?" He asked, grinning. "Of course." She opened the menu. "I have tried the milk rice, cabbage fried pancake, and salad of this restaurant, they are all very delicious." "Okay." He chuckled, "That would be it. Oh, and do you drink?" She hesitated for a moment and nodded. She didn't usually drink, but today, she felt like having some. "Then let's have two cans of beer too." He completed the order with th
e waiter while looking at the menu. "How is your postgraduate life at Peking University? Is it smooth?" "Yes." "When Luo Yichuan told me you quit your job to study for postgraduate entrance exams I didn't believe him. But when I think about it, there's nothing surprising." "I felt really abandoned back then." She smiled bitterly, "I felt like the whole world was against me studying for postgraduate exams." "That's because I wasn't there." The young man raised his eyebrows and laughed proudly, "I
f I were there, I would have advised you to change your major as early as your freshman year. Life is short, it's most important to do what you love." Yes, because you weren't there. She stared at him for a while, biting her lip until it turned slightly white. "By the way, I heard that Lumeng got married?" "Yes." "That kid," He recalled for a while, glanced at her, and tentatively asked, "Did you two..." "There was nothing between us, it was a misunderstanding." She explained hastily. His expres
sion paused, and then he smiled knowingly, saying, "Yes, it was a misunderstanding. It's all in the past." Several dishes and two cans of beer were served. She suggested that he should try the dishes, he nodded, and casually opened a can of beer. The two ate quietly, without speaking, only the floaty sentence slipped out from the speakers behind them as the shop assistant changed the song in the background: "The youth I've given you, all these years." The youth I've given you, all these years. I
n the deserted store, Lin Youjia's lazy and hallucinating voice effectively rendered the sadness. "I'm getting married too, next month." The young man took a sip of beer, and said unhurriedly. "Really... Really? Congratulations." Her heart missed a beat. The chopsticks that had been sticking in the dish for a long time were finally put down by her. She looked at him, trying to open a sincere smile, but in the end, her face stiffened and her laughter was a little fake. The sourness swirling in he
r nose and the heavy feeling in her chest made her feel vexed. She pulled open the ring of the beer can beside her with a "pop", leaned her neck back, and gulped the beer down. Ye Feng was taken aback, looking at her in surprise. "Sorry, I'm a little thirsty." She grimaced, giving an awkward smile. The male singer's voice continued to echo in her ears, over and over, non-stop, like tear gas. Can you stop singing, you cheating man? Burying her head, she started to mechanically stuff the corn kern
els from the salad into her mouth. It wasn't until more than ten minutes later, after she had finished all the corn kernels in the salad, that she finally raised her head and let out a loud burp. The young man opposite her glanced at her and began to laugh. Could you stop laughing like that, Ye Feng? You're too good-looking. I can't stand it. The wine in the can was drunk up by her, not a single drop left. The young girl squinted her eyes, resting her right arm on the table as she stared at him,
her throat constantly echoing with her silly giggles. "Why have you been staring at me?" he asked, holding back a laugh. "You're handsome." Her cheeks were flushed with a slight drunken blush, and her dark, doe-like eyes were brimming with amusement. He stopped midway through serving himself food, hesitated for a moment, before straightening up and smiling. "You've had too much to drink, haven't you?" She pouted, shaking her head as she held back a giggle. "Do you know, Ye Feng? From the moment
I first saw you, I thought you were extremely handsome. You just need to sit here, like this, doing absolutely nothing, and I could never get enough of watching you. "But I like you not because you are handsome." She kept laughing, emphasizing with a wave of her hand, "There's light in your eyes. Wherever you look, that place lights up. "When you look at me, I feel, I've also been lit up. When I'm with you, I glow, too. "So many people like you, a lot of people like you, but none of them like y
ou as much as I do. "I like you, for a long, long, long time." Suddenly, she stood up, her body leaning sideways as she lunged at him, stretching out her arms to slowly encircle his neck. The young man had a moment of panic on his face, his arms frozen rigidly at his sides. "Lin Xu, you..." "Shush!" She placed her finger on her lips, signaling him to stay silent. Her face was so close to his that she could clearly make out every detail of his face and feel his rapid breathing. With just a slight
lean forward, she could have kissed his lips. But she didn't lean in. She just quietly stared into his eyes without blinking. She kept staring until her vision blurred with tears, making it impossible to distinguish his expression, then she lowered her head and covered her face with her hands as she broke into a loud sob. The person in front of her was the one she loved. He was the most wonderful person she had ever met, but also the most wretched one. It was him who had sought her out in the f
irst place. After gaining her attention, he simply left and never looked back at her again. She used all her strength to get close to him, but in the end, she only ended up further from him. There was nothing she could do about it. She didn't know how long she had been crying. It wasn't until her tears were about to run dry that she finally mustered the strength to push him away, rising to grab her shoulder bag from the chair, shouting loudly, "Bill please," giving the room a pre-emptive goodbye
. She wrestled free from his grasp, scanned the QR code to pay, pushed open the glass door of the café, and was immediately greeted by a gust of cold wind. He was getting married. Could the girl from first year high school over a decade ago have guessed that this day would come while sitting on the single bars, looking at the sky drenched in light blue ink? Their story, it turned out, was one without an ending. Or more precisely, her story. "Lin Xu!" He caught up with her from behind, "You've dr
unk too much, let me take you back to the dorm." She stopped, turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes, and gave him a radiant smile. Then, with a smirk, she gestured a thumbs up. He froze, and slowly let go of her wrist. She strode on, at the intersection of the midnight street, where the traffic lights changed in the absence of people. She didn’t look back but waved energetically, shouting to him, "Goodbye, Ye Feng!" Goodbye, my entire youth. During finals week, Lin Xu was busy with papers
and studying, her days and nights turned upside down. After two weeks without checking Weibo or her friends circle, she didn't feel exhausted, she felt an outpouring of satisfaction and fulfilment. She thanked her luck for choosing the right major and for living a life that she deemed meaningful. After the final exam, she took her printed thesis to her supervisor's office. It started to rain heavily as soon as she stepped out of the office. She used her backpack as a shield and sprinted back to
the dorm. After she had dried her hair, she opened Weibo and saw the first entry, a post from him. A wedding photo with a red backdrop. The girl was pretty, and they made a good couple. That's good. She genuinely smiled. As a young girl, she looked at him as if he was a divine being in the moon palace. As an adult, she understood that he was just a fortunate man. He had the capability to live life confidently, to make the ordinary days vibrant, and to throw himself wholeheartedly into his grand
dreams. He always lived well. Their paths intersected, and then diverged. They were on different trains, not to meet again. But she remembered him. She had really met him. That night, she slept heavily and dreamt a long dream. In the dream, her parents, teachers, and friends surrounded her, questioning harshly, saying, "Lin Xu, why are you so stubborn? Why did you quit that high-paying job to go to grad school for an unpopular study field? Why are you stirring up a fuss? Why are you only content
with a life 'full of meaning' in your opinion?" She stuttered and admitted the truth, because she had met Ye Feng. It was Ye Feng, the carefree, confident boy who lived his life as if he were performing a movie, making every frame vibrant. Suddenly, everything fell silent, and all she could hear was her own rapid, anxious breathing. "Do you like Ye Feng?" Someone asked her out of nowhere. She smiled, revealing her neat, white teeth. Without hesitation, she nodded, her eyes filled with joy. She
replied, "Yes, I do." Turns out, unrequited love was just a small, sad thing.
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