Higher Caliber of Man - Nicole Burch - Stand Up Comedy

turned 36 I had the best handle on my life I  was in therapy I was in the best shape of my life I was making six figures doing what  I love and I was dating a higher caliber of man I'm talking about the kind  of guy who tells other people you are their girlfriend in Los Angeles you  have to dig for these [ __ ] but they're there it was going great and I actually  was dating this one guy very briefly he called it quits and that's fine because  now I had new tools to self sooth okay I wasn't going

to sleep around or drink my  way through every bar instead I could go hiking I could meditate and I could call my  therapist yes and that lasted for two whole weeks then the those self-sabotage feelings start  to resurface right and I realize what I really need is some Sexual Healing so but I'm not  going to do it with a rando I'm not going to be scrolling through on Tinder I'm not  going to do that instead I decided to call it my good friend Craig here's why Craig is  devastatingly good-look b

ut also somebody I knew I would never date I called this keeping  it simple my therapist called it still filling a void okay so if if I could describe my perfect  man physically it's Craig tovy he's 6'2 he's a combination between Jason sedus and John cinski  he's got a a pension for deep conversation and a great sense of humor before I go further uh by  round of applause anybody in this audience who has children how many of you guys have children  great great great okay now out of everybody who

just clapped clap again if you were married  when you had those children great okay now how many of you accidentally got pregn from a  one night stand with your friend Craig and now you're co-parenting a 3 and 1/2-year-old so  just just okay well boy do I have a story for you good old Craig he uh came over that night  to make me feel better um and it was a rough night for both of us first off he had had  two bottles of coorsite and I had two bot botles of Chardonnay so a very different  vibe goi

ng on at one point during sex he asked me to not throw up on him so not not  the Whirlwind romance we're all hoping for right the next morning I text and I go hey  man I just want to make sure we're good and he goes yeah we're so good uh I wouldn't even  consider what we did last night sex and I was like oh thank God me neither woo I was like  so can we make can we make a pack and he's like yeah I go let's not tell any he's like no  we're not going to tell anybody so we made a vow we are not goi

ng to tell a single person for  the rest of our lives under any circumstances that we ever had sex yeah yeah what a what a fun  promise um because 3 weeks later a late period of positive pregnancy test we were like we're  going to have to tell a lot of [ __ ] people right