I am scanning some art that I made
I want to properly document it, that's something I'm trying to challenge
myself to do this year this one is of Dustin... some of them... well, I was going
to paint portraits but then I got lazy I was like wow this one's so fun, but, after that I was like eh, takes too long, I wanna kinda just imagine some dreamy scapes. *sigh* right now at this point in time, I have just received the keys to yet again... our new next office!!! I'm kind of frustrated because
just like the bureaucratic BS, I guess, it's just like I was told that I can paint the floors. it's a really big part of branding for me. got the lease signed, then I get noticed that like "you know what, we're not going to paint the floors for you anymore" -I used to buy the paint by the way it's not like they just do it for free. ...I'm like okay if you don't do it I can do it. and THEN I hear them say like "hold up, we might have to get approval beforehand"... like very vague something about
the color needs to be approved even though I'm going to pick the same color...get ghosted for days and then I'm told, "you know what, they might not even want the floors to be painted at all!" after another day of being ghosted, heard back this morning "hey you're not allowed to paint the floors because... ...the management wants to make polished concrete floors and it's a big investment on our end it's the only office in this building that we're making the floor so if you were to paint it, it w
ould ruin the polished concrete" and part of me had already mentally prepared for... like I just have
to sometimes- you just have to open your mind to thinking all right, what if I don't get what I want? so I talk myself through that, told my mom, and we're like great. and I walk inside the unit and...
lo and behold the floor is not polished?? it's just like bare and it feels kind of like sandpaper when you walk across it so this shit aint Polished so don't try to like play me, okay? so then I
text both of the representatives the photos, and I leave messages I'm just like "if the construction crew were able to come and polish it, please let me know because I have scheduled movers for tomorrow" and I don't hear back. maybe I should just move in and deal with that, but then I'm just thinking like why should I do that?? I had to already surrender my vision
and then you're not even going to do that and you're going to leave me with this half-ass RAW concrete like dirty Dusty floor that
you might just hope that 'she's going to give up' and be like 'oh screw it' I'm not going to fight you- well you
don't know who you're dealing with. but the question is sometimes it takes too effing long to calm down, right? how do I do that? well. I'm going to put on a podcast that I wasn't finished listening to. I've been listening to Mel Robbins every morning on my commute-
"and you don't see anything in front of you that you're excited about, that's a problem. and so here's the solution, as
counterintuitive as it may seem... when you look out on the open road, and for me I always like to go and time travel about two years ahead, because I think in 24 months you can chip away and make
just about anything happen. that's plenty of time for you to start working toward something new." -but you have a plan. you have a plan of action, and that's important. I have a plan but I feel like sometimes when you spend more time thinking than doing, your brain always finds a way to like... F eve
rything up. you're like ugh this is going to SUCK or like something like that so I think-
there's this like research proves this fallacy wrong, where when you think you don't have time,
what you really don't have is energy and that the antidote is just to do something that is meaningful or valuable that contributes to your day, and that will seemingly give you more time... but what it is really giving you is energy. I keep telling myself to be strong and like keep
moving forward when I'm not c
omfortable. the more something doesn't go my way, I ask myself:
why am I so adamant to having something done TONIGHT? like why why am I in such a rush when really it doesn't affect it that
much if I just like wait a day or two... and I know it's because I'm just upset. like I'm just I'm just... like I'm just trying to deal with the reality that this is like my life now and tomorrow I have to see my ex cus we scheduled to to return our belongings to each other, we wanted there to be some time b
efore we
ended things amicably... I know I'm just in like a state where like I'm in denial that it's actually happening and like, I'm okay with that. I know but I guess I don't really believe that or else why would I be like fucking flipping out right now? I'm so frustrated I just wish that I- I could feel calm.
I just want to feel calm thought I had it all just figured out but I'm slowing down with questions now
it's okay to step back and look around. i just thought I had everything under co
ntrol but I didn't and the inn is just falling apart... this has been my dream forever and I have it and it's here,
and I'm failing and I- I can't handle it *screams* cleaning my shoes... I've never tried one of this! *laughs* one of these- my English I swear is so bad ever since I went back to Asia. I have a grammatical error every five sentences oh yeah. at this point you've seen me paint rooms so many times... one day I'm just going to become an interior decorator. *gilmore girls into song*
okay I managed to get the first coat down and I'm actually thinking I might be able to do the second coat because I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be. burrito I'm heating up- and I'm going to treat myself
during this break and watch Avatar the Last airbender!!! Radhia's drink is called Pink Angel
-just like me use your knees and then
you have to pull him backwards like this AHHHH
*laughter* -I felt that sh*t!! this it should have worked I don't know what happened. -did you feel it? happy bir
thday, dear edan~
*laughter* [happy birthday to you] first of all, I got an Bamba emotional support pillow, ah little bamba, with his musical talent-
you know, anytime I play violin around with him, he instantly just kind of falls asleep and he cuddles next to my legs. so this is perfect. omg little baby!!! HEHHEHEHE
Comments
god i felt that breakdown in my bones. sending you lots of love, annabelle. we are just humans at the end of the day and we’ve gotten through life till now, we’ll get through it now. hope it gets better soon ❤❤
I used to watch your videos all the time when I was in secondary school and you were such a big inspiration to me. I kind of fell away from YouTube but recently started watching videos again and came back to your channel to see what you were up to. I'm now a university graduate and it's safe to say that you are still inspirational to me. Your videos are so healing and such a comfort, and you have such a warm heart ❤
This vlog was so raw and vulnerable and I want to thank you Annabelle for always giving your audience a chance to see real life and real growth. It's not always the highlights reel in life as it is on social media, but your YouTube videos make me feel so seen as a creative professional and I just want you to know how grateful I am for these videos xx
You’re the best Annabelle. I’ve been subscribed since your RISD days and one thing about you is that you ALWAYS get through the hard times. And not only that, you never fail to emerge even wiser and stronger than before. I admire you so much and sending you all the love through this❤
the way you so accurately show what it's like to experience grief while still cooking to live your life is so nice to witness. I've been navigating similar things for the past year so I'm with you <3 <3 <3
I think of you as this person that has accomplished so much and has her life figured out (compared to me). Thank you for also showing your struggle. You accomplished so much through it. Everyone struggles, but it's just the side we usually don't see, so sometimes it's easy to assume others have it easier. Thank You for being vulnerable with us!
The accuracy of the emotional rollercoaster is so relatable and healing. Heartbreaks are part of being a human ♥️ thank you for sharing this.
That episode of Gilmore Girls always hits so hard for me. Feeling disconnected from loved ones and unsure about my career/schooling. It always makes me sob. Thank you for sharing your low moments with us, as well as your highlights!
your break down made me stop tidying and come to the screen and console you as though it were a FaceTime call. Last Monday I watched 13 going on 30 and the song Vienna by Billy Joel played and the words are so important for us. Please listen to the song and read along or listen to the lyrics. ‘Slow down you crazy child’ the whole point is Vienna waits for you. It’s waiting. ‘You can afford to take the phone off the hook for a while’. Breath. You got this and when you don’t got this you have to give yourself time to not got this before you got this again. Love sending to you from a follower from the risd days ❤❤❤
i've been with you since you were an undergrad at risd - thank you for continuing to bring us along with you on this journey . sending you lots of love, calm and comfort <3
Thank you for trusting us enough to share your emotions 🙏❤
Honestly Annabelle, god bless your heart. I literally have been spiraling in heartbreak after getting smacked with the reality of being a young therapist trying to “treat” people’s mental health at a clinic for offenders. Im in this space of falling apart and trying to force myself to face this challenge… but so far just giving myself space to cry and space to wallow until i cant anymore, its not for everyone, but for me it lets me clear out and clean myself up, slowly but surely. Idk what my future holds but its truly one day at a time.
Sending you so much love ❤❤ I cried with you, I have felt that frustrated/tired/emotionally broken kind of pain and it is so crushing. You’re doing such a great job in letting yourself feel and then heal, unfortunately it’s not linear and there will still be days that hit you out of the blue. It’s just part of being human, we are emotional little beans and that’s totally ok!! X you’re so creative and funny and smart and I look up to you in so many ways. Keep going 🩷🩷
your capacity to be vulnerable is so powerful annabelle. you are amazing❤ thank you for sharing with us.
Hey annabelle. My dad just passed from lung cancer (and a bunch of other shit) and seeing you upload reminded me about your dad. I know I can move forward with my dreams in his honor because you did and because my dad would kill me if I gave up on life lol. I hope you have a great day.
Annabelle, thank you for sharing these moments that people tend to hide from the world. I shared tears with you and it helped to know I wasn’t alone. You have been someone I have watched for many years and this video touched my heart in ways I can’t describe. Thank you again for showing us this side of you 💗
thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your healing. I’ve been watching your content since you started at RISD, and I feel like I’ve grown alongside you. you inspire me to create, to take time to process my emotions, and to find beauty in small things. ❤
been watching your videos for so long now, years really, and the moment i saw you cry my tears rolled down. truth is you've been through so much in your life annabelle and you always, ALWAYS, get better and well. you're doing so amazing you're getting there, you're living your dreams and even if it's hard to feel calm ... sometimes maybe you don't have to feel calm. feel the storm, feel the rage. but you'll be alright.
cried with you, it's hard and you're doing amazing.
Sending you love! 💗 I am sharing tears with you right now. While watching I realised what I am currently going through myself and feel kind of understood or less lonely. Thank you for being brave and strong and sharing with us! 💕