How to Challenge the Negative Thoughts That Poison ADHD Brains

okay wait hold on let's see I am not connected yet okay I should be live now hi everybody finally we made it we're only 14 minutes late thank you for your patience we had some technical difficulties um I'm really excited to be here it's been a while I was away and we were and Annie was away and now we're back so uh as you're joining us we're going to be talking today about how to challenge the negative voices that in that poison uh ADHD brains and it looks like um we're starting to have some fol

ks join let me know where you're from and I'd love to uh welcome you I haven't I haven't seen where anyone's from yet so uh you might be the first person to get a Hello I know it's not much of an enticement but it's better than nothing um so uh say hi and let me know uh where you are um where you're coming from so as you have Gillian or Jillian is from Scotland welcome I'm so glad you're here thank you for saying hi what a nice shout out that is and I am having multiple computer problems today i

t's really unfortunate um because I'm so happy to be back um and um I'm excited to be with all of you so uh we're gonna get started today let's welcome everybody um recently uh one of you asked me not to do a lot of welcoming in the middle of my once our session has already started which I completely understand so I'm going to do all my welcoming now and when I um when I pause or I take a break I'll welcome everybody else at that time anyway hello hello happy July let's see who we have here who'

s joining us Jillian from Scotland Jason from Central North Carolina Lisa from Alaska or Eliza from Alaska it's great that you're here um Matt from Brighton and Tracy from New Paltz New York um Mitzi from materi Louisiana Susan Richardson what is going wrong California hold on I'm going to get something to fix my screen so give me one second because I look very low on the screen and I want to fix that there we go isn't that so much better yeah that's better um let's see uh hello Christine from O

ttawa and Amanda from Texas and ralshan nice to have you here thank you thanks for sharing um really appreciate that okay and Susan is from Los Angeles Jason from Maryland we got every people from all over it's wonderful um Craig from Seattle Val from Southwest Missouri Kelly from Maine and Ann from St George Utah welcome welcome and hi Michaela from Austin Texas So today we're going to be talking about that really annoying uh negative voice in our heads which can just bring us down and make us

feel really bad about ourselves and because we're going to be talking a little bit about mindfulness I have a downloadable to share with you here so check it out it's um uh strategy mindfulness strategies and I think hopefully you'll really like it and if you can share that that would be great so have you ever noticed how people with ADHD regardless of their age remember the negative things that people say about them more than the positive ones and while all human beings are wired for the negati

vity bias the minds of people with ADHD seem particularly vulnerable to holding on to what is bad about them most likely this pattern developed over many years of criticism for not remembering things for not doing things properly for not being able to control yourself or missing cues for not hearing things etc etc I'm curious if you could put in the chat what are some of the types of feedback you've heard that are negative criticisms I would really love to hear that I'm also not seeing um okay t

he comments are there yeah um sorry little distractedness there um anyway so put if you could share in the chat a little bit about what are some of the ways that you've heard negative comments or what are some of the negative comments that you've heard that would be I think a great way for us to kick off our summer series uh again um here we are again in July now our ancestors needed the ability to learn and remember lessons from bad experiences for survival um and today uh what we don't need uh

we still need to learn from challenges to to get by and tolerate disappointment and survive but it's not uh the stakes aren't usually as high and so what happens is we hear these negative comments about ourselves and we internalize them and we start to tell them to ourselves as if it's the truth so some of the comments I'm seeing here are the fact that I am hard on myself is criticized why don't you ever pay attention just quit teaching you don't have a job yet not understanding why I would thr

ow it away um uh Chad says staring when I'm thinking Craig says forgetting or not listening so there are lots of little ways in which where we hear negative comments about how we're living and what we're doing that have actually been very hurtful to us over the over the period of time that we've grown up and and that we're living today um in in the world all right so here's what I'd like to talk a little bit about which is the role of internal speech so you know we all have an internal monologue

and it's that little voice in your head and this little voice in your head can be a precursor to action speaking or doing and it can also um be um uh be reflect be be a reflection of sort of a thwarted action for example the message is there but the motor commands are stopped after the message has been issued because you realize that's not the thing that you want to be doing or maybe that's not the best choice um now a lot of the work on this in internal speech comes from the work of a psycholo

gist named Lev gagotsky he was a Russian psychologist and he determined that the most fundamental function of what we call internal speech is self-regulation so those of us with ADHD understand that self-regulation when it's if it fundamentally linked to this internal speech is very complicated so sometimes internal speech can be seen as what we call sub-vocalizing you're mumbling or you're talking to yourself along the way you mean how many of you if you want to just say yes or no how many of y

ou talk to yourselves to talk through things as you're doing them I know I do that sometimes um and we'll see kids do this of course too and so internal monologues are related to a key aspect of verbal working memory and we know that working memory is a Cornerstone of the executive functioning skills and often a challenge for people with ADHD and what we do in terms of working memory the way it works is that we repeat things so that we can manipulate them store them and organize all kinds of inf

ormation that would ever our working memory holds and does an operation on can then be transferred down the memory line into in Lane into longer term memory um internal internal um speech is also really is also affected by inhibition or lack thereof that you may have a thought or an idea but you may then um you know you may speak to yourself to present your prevent yourself from doing actions that might not be the most effective Choice internal speech can help with task switching you cue yoursel

f um to do something and it also can assist with planning and problem solving when we're stressed internal speech is often experienced as overwhelming distracting and negative so let's look at some of the comments here I'd like to hear what people are saying here all right um okay I'm slow at learning my teacher at school said that all the time that doesn't sound very kind for a teacher um for myself and my ADHD teen daughter it's mostly beginning self-talk and comparison Michelle you're paying

as much attention to that book as a crisp packet I don't understand that Alexandria always thinking about what I could have said in a situation yes so many of us struggle with that particularly if you have a little bit of social anxiety you know or you know you're in a situation and you're not sure exactly how to respond but you think of the perfect thing after the situation does that happen to you happens to me for sure Jason says I'm the one delivering the negative comments I'm trying to be mo

re aware of this one talking to my 15 year old good for you for noticing it and learning as well math challenges um same to two teens with ADHD and you have it as well Tara says yes merka says yes Mitzi says yes Tara says yes Christine says so much criticism oops hello so much criticism related to being productive when I don't have to be somewhere like work much of it coming from my non-adhd spouse that is hard that is very difficult and now when we look at internal speech and self-regulation we

know that internal speech is most helpful when it resembles like a typical structured conversation now Doc um Professor vygotsky theorized that most young children internalize patterns of conversations that they have learned at home or daycare or a preschool conversations that have helped them inhibit Behavior or exert Behavior exercise emotional control or speak freely or act freely direct their attention to what's going on around them or what's about to happen now to enhance self-regulation t

hese internal monologues this internal speech has to remember a structured conversation rather than something that's just you know random words or a word salad because we are talking to ourselves the way we we may talk to someone else or someone may talk to us um for many people with ADHD the ability to internalize this kind of self-speech develops more slowly and reflects challenges with their working memory while simultaneously limiting working memory development it also can limit inhibition f

lexibility planning and problem solving a lot of times this internal speech can feel like chatter and it particularly when it's negative it's kind of like this you know neighborhood that you don't want to go to in your own mind right it occupies a lot of your attention and it can feel intrusive at its worst and a helpful guide at its best when it's negative it produces anxiety low self-esteem and shame when it's positive it can help you integrate and recall good things and build self-confidence

many of you notice that you have internal speech that you have ways of talking to yourself and are those ways you know would you categorize them as more negative than positive do they encourage you to do something or are they mostly just sitting sitting there you know wagging their fingers telling you how it should be versus um you know what you're actually doing there are a few comments here let's see what people are saying um okay Alexandria says I also do the pre-game of talking in my trying

to anticipate a conversation okay so you're gonna you sort of talk through what you might say in a certain situation I do that a lot with my clients we call that role plays you know they're not sure what to say um so I might I might play them in a situation or they may play themselves and we go back and forth like doing that and that can be really helpful to do with someone you care about or a little bit with yourself Michaela your inside voice your internal voice is a to-do list so that's that

sounds kind of stressful to me and ongoing to-do list of what you should you know really should be getting to and I have that a little bit too I think a lot of people try to do that to maybe hold on to what it is that they have to do some people with ADHD think if I don't hold it in my head it's not going to happen when in reality the best thing to do is to write it down and not try to hold it in your head because the stress of holding in your head makes the likelihood that you're going to forge

t it Greater Tara says rarely able to navigate Small Talk conversations without feeling stupid and like I just do not get it it feels like it's too much for my work for my ADHD brain and I should have figured it out years and years ago and cannot fit in seamlessly like so many others seem to you know Tara I think it's really interesting because I think a lot of people with and without ADHD but certainly with ADHD struggle with small talk they don't like it they don't know what to say they kind o

f have a kind of intensity they want to get into the meat of a conversation or a topic and yet sometimes small talk is really important because it's the beginning of being able to connect and dive deeper with folks Jason oops Jason says my internal speech is lost with a simple distraction externally right so you're holding something in your head you think you've got it and then someone outside of you may say or do something and suddenly you've lost the thing the thought you had or what you were

saying I think that happens to a lot of people murka says flexibility is a problem sometimes when at work especially when new at work it can you really kind of want to hold on to some structures and have things that you know what where they are and what you're doing that makes sense to me Tracy my son is so self-flagellating internally unproductive and self-destructive that makes me sad yes negative self-talk Susan thank you Paula my internal speak won't stop telling me what I should be doing al

l the time so we're going to get to what we can do to sort of turn the volume down on that negative voice very soon Tara says when I prepare ahead for conversations I feel it's inauthentic you know Tara I'm not sure about that because you know if you're going to a party and you're worried that you won't have anything to say it's reasonable to sort of think about well if I'm I want to share something I want to stay present so I can relate to what's going on but I also might want to think about oh

you know I read that book that was really good that's something that I could share or I saw that movie which I really didn't like which you know I can remember to say or or just to really focus on what's happening around you and respond in the moment and that that really is the the you know optimal situation particularly for people who struggle social anxiety because what happens is you end up in your head you end up thinking about what other people are thinking about you and then you can't be

present so we really want to try to be present and um the mindfulness handout that I gave you is something that I think will really help you with that and I'm just putting that up again Alexandria I'm bad at Small Talk um it sounds like we might need to have uh Facebook live about small talk um interrupting um yes uh Tara yeah I agree small talk is very important to build connections right so you start off small and then you kind of can unpack to something a little deeper can't relax always have

things I need to be doing that's true for a lot of people with ADHD um Jason I go back and forth with self-confidence and self-doubt in my internal speech I want to start a non-profit with mental health and substance abuse I have confidence and then the self-doubt comes back into play so that self-doubt is a part of you that that is that's trying to protect you from the pain of failure or disappointment and and really what we want to do is is Comfort it in a way and say it's okay you know what

I've got it and if it doesn't work out we'll figure out the next thing rather than try to you know push it to the side because the more that you try to push that negative voice to the side it more comes back with its fists up fighting um uh I end up over sharing without practicing and preparing in advance and over sharing is something that we see a lot for people with ADHD and I know this is something that I do and you know it's like it'll come out of my mouth and I'll think oh why did I say tha

t that was not that was too much right it was not the right thing to do um this is what I tell myself right so even you know I mean I I think that it's important to remember that lots of people do it and sometimes we over share because we're nervous that happens to me sometimes overshare because I'm excited that happens to me sometimes I overshare because I'm trying to connect and you know I think if I say more it'll it'll Foster the connection when an actual app when in actuality it's actually

pulling someone away so you know over sharing is something that you know we can monitor by looking at how people are responding to what we're saying you know what what is their facial reaction um and and also noticing how much air time we've been taking up Michaela's small top is not my problem my problem is the rush of revealing gossip or Secrets oh that's very interesting Michaela so you're someone who does not keep secrets I'm not super big on keeping secrets either but I'm I'm also not reall

y interested in gossiping so um there is a there's a rush I think when people reveal gossip or Secrets because it makes them feel like they are relevant and connected in a particular kind of way but then there's often a backlash because there's some privacy that's been violated it's a challenge Craig says sometimes they get defensive with others when I'm tired of my own criticism of course so um many people today need to learn how to retain lessons from good experiences so that the voice in our

head is not just one of like walking around a dangerous neighborhood but is actually one of being in a beautiful Park where the sun is shining and maybe you sit on a swing or you're at a picnic table with some friends having a lovely meal so this this type of these lessons from good experiences things that are going well are important because this positive reinforcement helps us grow learn new skills and be self-confident all important contributors to living a fulfilling life if you find that yo

ur negative thinking is getting in the way of a more positive outlook we I want to tell you that change is possible so let me share um some approaches that can help adults with ADHD overcome negative thinking and lead to a more rewarding and productive life so the first thing we want to do is to focus on positive experiences beneficial beneficial you know situations exchanges activities that not only serve as the foundation for self-esteem and self-management self-management but also nourish our

inner strengths so in order for the good moments to outmaneuver the negativity bias that's natural in our brain you know that the things that that really Flags situations that are um might be threatening to us or something that you know we've done that wasn't that didn't pan out this negative to survive in the jungle right in order for these good moments to outmaneuver the negativity bias they have to be installed in the brain's neural structures and this process requires being them held in the

m working memory long enough to be transferred down the memory line to long-term memory many folks with ADHD by definition struggle with working memory challenges so this transfer often doesn't occur as frequently as we would like if at all so the key is to focus on positive thoughts and experiences more frequently to write them down to not be afraid of having a Post-It that says oh my goodness my boss loved my report and just write a post it you know instead of having my friend a Brendan Mahan

who's a neurodivergent ADHD coach an expert he he talks about something called the wall of awful I like to talk about the wall of good things so what are some positive things that have happened you know you can have a bulletin board of Post-its of things that you feel good about and why not because if you can't hold on to those and remember them no one is going to do that for you and that's not about narcissism that's about actually nurturing self-esteem in the face of a very powerful negative i

nternal voice so by gradually paying more and more attention to the things that are going well you'll get to that long enough period where your working memory will hold it long enough to re sort of reverse or turn turn down the volume on the negativity bias because we probably can't reverse it it's just something that we have but we could turn the volume down this means that we're going to live in the power of yet instead of in the shadow of I can't by accepting that life is a series of reasonab

le risks that we take we weigh the costs and the benefits of things and we are spontaneous when the time is right and when we do this we turn up the volume on our optimism and our confidence you pay more attention to things that are going well and your innate talents to building resources to assist you when the going gets tough and you learn to distinguish between real threats and distortions that mimic them so how are we going to lower the noise of this internal chatter this um negativity this

fear that we have to really pay attention to all of the things that could happen the bad things that could happen that instead of actually shifting our attention more to the positive outcomes things that have gone well you know if you don't do this I would really encourage you to do it I do it myself every night before I go to bed I write down three things that went well that day and they don't have to be long sometimes there's five things or six and sometimes I can barely squeak out the third b

ut I write them down and and what helps me is I can go back now for a year and see the three things that went well and that helps me pay more attention to what is going well which is you know a challenge for so many of us and particularly those of us who are anxious that can be tough so before I get into the five approaches to really overcoming negative thinking I want to kind of come back to the chat here um let's see Michaela says especially if I see the same behavior sometimes I get defensive

especially if you see the same behavior in your teens yes Tracy says sometimes my son oops seems almost grandiose the positives feel overstated which do not seem to translate into real self-esteem yes we call this bravado and we see we can see this a lot in kids who feel insecure underneath so they they're putting out a story about you know how great they are and how you know skilled they are on the basketball court and in the math class and you know they're you know really kind of talking them

selves up when underneath you know we can really see that actually the self-esteem is quite low and so they're doing this I think to try to mask that lower self-esteem and and hope that they can hide it from other people and what they're missing is that there's a kind of disingenuousness that goes along with that bravado that also is something that can really sort of push people away and so we want to work with kids who are doing engaging in that bravado to talk about you know the effect that th

at's having on others as much as we can and what and sort of helping them think through a risk of sharing an authentic part of themselves America says what would you say about why small steps or small victories are important my ex-husband used to laugh and tease me for making what I thought was progress well um your ex-husband doesn't didn't seem like he really was very kind so probably good that he's your ex now I guess um but small steps are really important because uh small steps build on eac

h other to actually create you know something substantial we don't um if we are only looking for the big victories we're going to be much more disappointed more often that's why the three things per day is so helpful because it can be small I like my shirt that I wore um I I um I had a good meeting with somebody at work and I I may I ordered this fantastic coffee and I loved it it doesn't have to be you know I'm like the champion of the world here it can be something small we want to acknowledge

those small Vic because there's a cumulative effect of positivity that's important for us to both develop and hold on to um yeah that's that's right um Michaela truthfully glad he's your ex yeah you don't need that I agree is this the same as gratitude um I think it's different actually because I think a gratitude is really appreciating um what you have in your life and the relationships I'm talking about actually shifting your focus from what isn't working to what is working from from from thi

nking from thinking about what's going to go wrong to what could go right and paying attention to that Susan says I keep I kept a thankfulness journal for over a year it was very uplifting some were very simple and I didn't beat myself up if I missed a day Bravo you know maybe some days you miss a day that's okay but you're making an effort um that's really inspiring I agree thank you Tara for saying that so let's move on to the five approaches to overcome negative thinking so the first number o

ne thing is to slow down and become a bit more mindful when something good happens when something positive occurs relish it in our Ultra fast-paced world everybody moves on to the next thing oh yeah that happened but now I'm working on this other problem no no no slow down enjoy it enjoy it enjoy something that went well you know enjoy uh an exhibit if you go to a museum that you really liked enjoy a delicious ice cream enjoy your kids telling you that they love you or playing a game of of Uno y

ou know with the family um or you know holding hands with someone that you really love enjoy those things and yes there is an aspect of gratitude but there's also about relishing the positive because we move on to the next thing that needs to be done or isn't working so quickly that the important integration of that thing that went well that's necessary to consolidate in our memory that we can hold on to it can be missed slow down by taking a more mindful approach to your day mindfulness is the

ability to be fully present and aware of our current thoughts feelings and actions without being reactive to or overwhelmed by what's going on around you mindfulness allows you to understand yourself better and to be more in tune with the inner workings of your mind and your body you can practice mindfulness because because it's about practicing it's not about getting it right you know and it allows you to bring awareness to your mental emotional and physical self and to collect to collude excus

e me to bring awareness to your mental emotional and physical self and to connect more deeply with your experiences which of course you could collect also right um so mindfulness helps us pay attention to something in the present moment without judgment or shame so I just stumbled on my words I'm I noticed that I did that but I smiled and I laughed about it and I know you're a very kind and accepting audience so I'm not gonna like run that around my head like oh you messed your word up everybody

can do that we're going to notice our emotions or Sensations without interpreting them you know I'm feeling I notice that I'm feeling a little nervous as I'm getting closer my car is getting closer to this dinner party I'm going to I'm feeling a little shaky in my stomach I'm noticing that I'm not judging it I'm not trying to fix it I'm not going into a panic about it I'm just noticing it accept yourself as you are in a given moment I'm feeling nervous right now it's natural to feel nervous bef

ore uh for some people before they go to a party nervousness and excitement can be two sides of the same coin so I could look at it like I'm excited um that's an option too and practice compassion for yourself and with others and that compassion is about accepting that you're human that you will have moments where you stumble and you will have moments where you feel like you know what was that line from the Titanic I'm the king of the world right um so um we want to be able to uh you know be kin

der to ourselves I always when I think about practicing self-compassion what I think about is how I would talk to a 10 year old in front of me with a skin knee and how I might talk to myself because they are not the same thing and that is often the problem particularly for people who grow up with ADHD and are told they're not this they're not that they're missing x y z p q Etc um see and accept the fullness of your experiences the gray the black the purple the yellow the white all of the colors

of the experience because that's what being human is about and that helps us transform our negative thinking um into something that's more colorful instead and less judgmental and finally one of the things that we want to do that with with mindfulness which is such a key element is to break old habits and create new ones because we're noticing instead of judging so as the saying goes I want to stop slow down and smell the roses release the pressure to stay focused at all times and give yourself

some time for your mind to wander brains need to wander if if you've ever noticed when you're working on something like a project and then oh suddenly you gotta you gotta go take a shower because you're going to meet your mother for dinner or you know you have to get to a meeting and you have to drive that they're still churning that's going on in your brain so we want to make sure that we allow our ourselves to wander and some of that wandering is relishing something that went well so take time

to notice when something feels good and reflect on that experience maybe you enjoyed your favorite lunch in the park maybe a co-worker complimented you on a job well done or maybe you just woke up feeling good that day and you're looking forward to seeing a movie with a friend later catch these positive feelings in the moment and Savor them okay and that savoring is different than gratitude gratitude is I'm so appreciative that I'm so grateful I'm really that I had this time with you going to t

he movies and hanging out that's different than actually being in the moment and really appreciating the the specialness of it um so as a a second uh the second tip is to reflect on the day's highs and lows practice doing the day the highs and lows of the day at dinner with friends or family if other people aren't around you can Journal as I talked about before and by doing this exercise you can create a safe place to hold both the positive and a more negative occurrence simultaneously giving th

em equal weight and this process helps build you know more balance in your neural in your neural Pathways and what you're paying attention to and to avoid dwelling on the lows too long try to think of an actionable way to bounce back from them this will help build your resilience and boost confidence here are a couple examples I was too distracted at work today and didn't finish what I promised to do tomorrow I will find a quiet place to focus on my project or I feel bad that I forgot to wish my

parents happy anniversary I'll set up a reminder to call them in the morning I know they'll be happy to hear from me even if it's a day late right so we have something that we're we we have this thought and then we have a counter thought that is an action that um that that can change it um and for some families or couples you know daily highs and lows are too much to do so maybe you do them once a week um you know like at a Sunday dinner or a family gathering you know where your internal your p

rimary family is uh getting together so let's look at some of the com comments here I'm it's not clicking in oh there we go okay great all right um America Sharon Salzburg has a great book about self and compassion she's amazing she's really amazing and on inside timer she offers a course that's great and in other places as well she's a great meditation coach too that's right Sherry Huber's a mindfulness inspiration Laura says it's challenging to stay focused on what you're saying because my min

d starts daydreaming that's fine you can Daydream and then come back and you can always watch this on the replay you know if I'm saying something in your mind is true is is is kind of grabs onto it and goes further that's kind of cool maybe it wants you to learn something or think about something that I'm not talking about but that's important for you um let's see uh Tracy my son makes all kinds of plans and intentions and does not follow through and then beats himself up for it yes so I think i

n for kid for kids and for adults is we want to you know kind of you know wheel in how many plans and intentions that you can do because you have these Grand intentions and plans you're going to do X and this and Y and this and z and that and then you're like at six things instead of just maybe picking one or two but you actually can start and see through to the end Michaela I like that you turn the phone call to do as a positive they would still be happy to hear from me that's right they would

still be happy to hear from you Mitzi says I'm great at making lists but then too tired to do anything so Mitzi um a lot of people are great at making lists and then they feel like the list is overwhelming or the list itself becomes something to avoid I would encourage if you make a list that's great make a second list with one or two items from that first list that you actually can accomplish and interest you so that again you start to feel like um your your your the ball is rolling and you're

heading in a direction of efficacy um Susan yikes do you have a handout on these points I couldn't write it all down some of this is in my mindfulness um uh thing that I shared with you okay um all right the third thing is to seek supportive connections so these days there's a lot to be upset about in the world and we don't have control over many many things but we can regulate or control who we welcome into our lives and what we welcome into our lives and we can seek out people who are kind and

understanding and supportive we can't always do that at the workplace but in our personal lives we can do that we can't always do that with our family but we can you know sort of control how much time we spend with them and maybe not go by ourselves bring a friend or a partner um something like that adults with ADHD benefit from a support system of people who really understand your particular challenges and can prop you up if you're stuck in the negative mindset friends neighbors relatives co-w

orkers open yourself up to those people who bring positivity and caring into your life because that will again shift your focus to positivity and it will fill in that positivity you know bucket in your brain that it might have a little teeny hole that has to be stopped up so that you can actually start to collect you know the water of that you can drink of this of of these rewarding interactions and thoughts that are noticing what is going well when you create good memories and enjoy the positiv

e experiences of them these nurture strong relationships and also build new neural Pathways that continue to create and strengthen your own inner resources so that's really important uh the the fourth uh tip is the Mind Body Connection so of course exercise and physical well-being have a positive impact on our emotions and our state of mind a walk a hot bike ride or even dancing can improve your mood just as much as provide you with an energy boost yoga meditation Tai Chi are all types of mindfu

lness and body awareness tools that can help you focus and shift your mentality from what isn't working to what could work and of course physical activity keeps you away from screens so you're not involved in compare and despair you're not on Facebook you're not on Instagram you're not on Snapchat you're actually engaged in the world working your body and doing something that's good for you and the fifth um tip is to keep up with a growth mindset now for adults with ADHD that pull towards negati

vity and retaining negative you know critical unpleasant experiences can be long-standing and ingrained and shifting this course can be an uphill challenge I hear that I know that I am I work with many people who struggle with this but it is possible to improve this and be successful with practice and patience so take things one day at a time and use that growth mindset a growth mindset says I'm going to try something I'm gonna see what happens I may stumble if I do that's okay I'm going to try

to learn from that stumble I'm going to pick myself up and we're gonna move forward if it works out that's great I'll do more of it okay so really think about one of my key mottos which is do more of what works know and and and focus your brain on that because your negativity will say well that's not going to work that is that didn't work before why is it going to work now you're going to say I'm trying it in a different way I have different supports um people come to therapy to see me and they'

ll say well I've tried therapy before I don't know why you're going to help I'll say well you're having a therapy with me and so let's give it a three month try and see where we are in three months you know we want to give that we want that to happen so gradually increase the good moments of your days and then keep building them like a stack of blocks if you have a setback no big deal acknowledge it maybe you fall maybe it's um you know uh the the tower crumbles um but you dust yourself off and

you start building again this is what resilience is about resilience comes from the Latin word to dance to come back and and pick yourself up and that's really important so let me go and see what people are saying here in the chat um okay uh Heather I've been doing meditations offered by the Smithsonian Museum of Asian art every week oh fantastic that's so cool they've been helping me a lot with anxiety and emotional regulation I need practice regularly for my improvements regress right and so h

aving a group or a structure to do that can be very useful good for you Craig I've spiraled for hours thinking about politics or my son's safety at school trying to fall asleep right so we want to really shift away from those kinds of thoughts because we can't control them we we you know toxic I worry um is is really something that is all about things we can't control versus productive worry like am I going to make it to my class on time if I leave early enough I will is about things we can cont

rol so I would encourage you if you can you know not think about politics or read some fiction or something like that to help you fall asleep or maybe do some of the meditations on headspace or inside timer they're great Tara I am a very kind supportive understanding person I am trying trying trying to set up a local support group for women with ADHD but I suffer from rejection Sensitivity I have so much to offer and share I'm not forcing myself I'm forcing myself not to give up just diagnosed i

n May at age 55 good for you after my 26 year old daughter was diagnosed in November wow that's amazing so want to help others to not go through what I went through as an isolated mom teacher counselor that's so great thank you so much for sharing and I want to encourage you not to give up and to to maybe look into Chad or Ada Chad is children and adults with ADHD and add it as adults with ADHD um and it I think Ada is add.org and chat is chadd.org I think I don't know if it's com um.com these u

h might have some resources for you or groups in your area as well Tara says I end up feeling what's wrong with me and why are people not jumping in I would jump in with me um but it's the LOL but it's true trying to keep focusing on the positives and keep the door open wish me luck so tired of selling myself short oh you know you don't need to sell yourself short anymore you just you need to sell yourself long Michaela I was 27 and my mom was 47 when diagnosed Wow since then almost everyone in

our family has been diagnosed it's incredible all from an article I read in glamor magazine fantastic well now there's all kinds of Articles and resources for you here at attitude as well and I encourage you to Once Again download my little um my little gift here about mindfulness and check out my website where I have lots of free resources as well as my Facebook page like me and we'll be friends forever um let's see Michaela I wish we were closer because I'd start that group with you that's so

sweet Susan I've been pulling weeds and planting new native plants dirt water and sunshine are good medicine so are the butterflies that join me that's such a lovely image thank you so much for sharing um Chad hasn't responded to me nothing in my area Tara don't give up Chad is a very busy organization keep trying I really encourage you to keep trying Paula I need help as a retired person with undiagnosed ADHD 63 years old well I would encourage you to certainly look at the library the incredibl

e library of webinars and other resources and articles in attitudemag.com I'm just such a great fan of theirs and because people asked because I was speaking quickly I'm going to write down I'm going to put in the chat right now the um the five steps the five approaches to other overcoming negative thinking okay so you you can have this to use for yourself hold on a second thanks for being patient with me here cutting and pasting is not the quickest thing um okay and okay so let's just review to

day we've talked about you know the internal speech and um and how many people are you know really focused on those negative voices and we want to grow and develop the more encouraging voices the inner allies and we want to focus really um uh really take in and Savor experiences or accolades or Awards or um positive feedback that we receive and not just dismiss it make sure you write it down in your three good things of every day or make a wall of um uh make a wall of good things and put it uh p

ut it up put your posted on your wall or a bulletin board or something like that and um we want to remember these five approaches to slow down and become more mindful use mindfulness develop mindfulness practice it reflect on your days highs and low those do those three three good things that happen every day seek supportive connections people who understand you and will encourage you and and really love you nurture the Mind Body Connection so that you're exercising and you're taking care of you

r physical well-being which will kind of bathe your brain in those wonderful endorphins that we all love so much and finally keep things up with a growth mindset remember that a growth mindset means you're trying you may stumble you're going to pick yourself up and try again a fixed mindset is I am the way I am I'm not going to grow or change no matter what happens and I just don't believe that's true about human beings about you or me or anybody um who you know that we know so I um I hope that

this was helpful for you um I I love to take one or two more questions I'll take one more question actually because we've run a bit over um does anyone have a question they would like to ask before we wrap up uh wait a minute to see if there's anything in the comments the thing that I I really want you to really um hold on to is this idea of doing more of what works and start building the good today by noticing what is going well pays much attention to what is going well as what isn't working pa

y more attention to what's going well because that negativity voice does not need any more fuel it's plenty strong thank you so much for joining me it was really great to be together and we'll be back in two weeks take care uh it's in two weeks we meet every two weeks we did have a longer break in June because I was away but will be every two weeks now for the next several months so I look forward to seeing you and have a good weekend and go out there and start to notice the positive in your lif

e thank you have a great day I'm struggling to figure out how to to close this so I apologize um okay that's because my screen is doing some weird things yep it's not a good techno day for me oh well thank you all it was really great to be here and I so appreciate your comments and your sharing and your honesty bye