I Got Cheated On - Comedian Mel Mitchell - Chocolate Sundaes Comedy

I'm in my Lemonade phase now, in my Lemonade era cause I got cheated on, y'all. - [Audience] Aww. - Me with all this ass getting cheated on. I didn't believe it either. n***as just do anything. And... (audience laughs) It's crazy. And when I got cheated on I didn't know what to do. My mom never gave me that like "This is what you do when you get cheated on" talk. So I had to improvise, like, I was in a hotel in Miami. I ran to the bathroom, tears streaming down my face. Distraught b*tch. I'm loo

king in the mirror like "b*tch, who are you?" You know? So I looked in that mirror and flickered the lights on and off and, (audience laughs) I said Keyshia Cole's name five times fast, b*tch. I had to summon the only b*tch who could make sense of the situation. It helped my hair turn red, b*tch, my ass got fat. It was great. It was... And I call it my Lemonade era because I want my n***a back, but hear me out like I'm not a dumb b*tch or nothing, okay? My Lemonade got a little Casamigos in it s

o we gonna f*ck some n***as before we get to the end of the album. Amen? Any real b*tches in the audience? Purr! Cause like I'm famous adjacent now, I'm in Hollywood with it, b*tch. Like I got a bunch of followers like... Purr. But it is kind of hard though, being at Hollywood parties now, Cause I never thought I would be there like this soon, Cause I'd be running to like, my celebrity crushes and like now we at the same party and he'd be like, "Ain't you the b*tch who said you wanna suck my dic

k on Twitter for the past eight years?" "Me? No! That wrong, no, wrong b*tch." "No, that's you, b*tch." Now I'm the weird b*tch. I'm scaring the hoes at the Hollywood party and sh*t now. Then all my friends f*cked the good famous n***as, like who's left for me? f*ck. Who gone love me? (chuckles) But it's weird Cause like none of the fine celebrities ever be in my DMs. Like don't nobody be in my DMs but like the f*cking daddy from Family Matters. Like..? "I'm in your city." "So? f*ck!" Don't nobo

dy wanna f*ck Reginald VelJohnson. (audience laughs) That man is not in my DMs. Let me stop before he sue my ass. May as well be, though, god damn, this is terrible. And when I got outta my relationship I was like, "You know, f*ck it. Every n***a I see, I'm gonna be out in these streets, f*ck this, f*ck these n***as," blah blah blah. And then I actually went in these streets. (audience laughs) These new n***as the worst batch of n***as I ever seen, bro. All these n***as got is podcasts and audac

ity, like, oh my god. And I don't know if y'all know this, but men are ugly. Oh my goodness, like... I was on Hinge for four days, was the worst four days of my life. I was like "God, these cannot be the n***as you made in your image." Like, this is f*cking bad. This is awful. And I confronted God about it, I said "God," Cause I met Morris Chestnut a couple Decembers ago, and I was like "This is a beautiful king." So like "God, why did you stop making this kind of man in the 90s? What did we do?

" He said "My child, go out into the world and find out." And I did. I collected the data and gathered samples, and I figured it out. (audience laughs) These new mens don't be fine like Morris Chestnut because these new n***as' mommas be white, and that is the real issue that is plaguing our commun- (audience moans) I forgot where I was, oh my god. I told this joke in Nashville and almost got shot, b*tch, oh, sh*t. (laughs) Let me get the f*ck up outta here before y'all beat my ass, cause, Lovin

g vs. Virginia is alive and well in this b*tch. Okay.