I Studied Thousands Of PEOPLE PLEASERS & Learned This...

what's going on in your head right now I'm very afraid of uh second of all it's like I saw you on Instagram I saved all your videos and now I'm in front of you and it's very scary and no not I'm not sure but like I'm a filter very scary and I also I really I'm afraid of camera but I like it also so I have mixed feelings yeah yeah I'm excited and nervous well perfect yes well congrats and respect on coming up here um and to be clear what you're feeling is also very normal right it's something eve

ryone feels going up it's like you know on the other side you're gonna be like yes and thankful but it's also not going to be peaceful and peachy throughout you're going to be challenged and we're going to dive into what's actually going on so once more what are you dealing with what would you like to work on what's holding you back what's going on so I think I'm a great people pleaser I feel I like I can predict people emotions and I like I can act to uh to pleasure these emotions like I think

that I know all that people feel and I can be fake to uh to to get them those emotions Okay and like the older I am uh the faker I and that's the thing that I really don't like and like a bad part that I insult me that I'm not real every time in the in the day I can smile and it can be a real smile when did this start probably from from school from when I started to uh marzier to uh it's a lie yes probably then I become older and I understood that it's we have got many good things when will I we

have got benefits when we like okay yeah so hey great honesty here unless it's alive um so this is actually very common the first thing to realize just more mental understanding with this strategy is that can you actually get good things when you lie yes or no yeah yeah you can but you'll get good things on the front end but not the back end so your creates what I call a golden prison meaning and people do this in relationships big time by the way when they present themselves to be better than

better than they are someone that they're not like the perfect front you can get into different situations but then you're forever having to keep the mask on if you ever take the mask off it all fades away so you're still in a way in a prison but it's just made of gold look at all these good things but I can never be me I can never just I always have to manage the front manage the lies manage the perfect persona but look at all the good stuff well hey does it matter if it's gold if it's still a

prison no now the question to follow up on this is why are you not good enough as you are why do you need to lie or put on this front or please why is the real you not good enough I need to do but I don't do it I know that I I don't need to eat sugar but I eat sugar and like I'm not ideal and I'm not good enough for for this like okay so you've seen many of my videos where I say would you say that to your kid yeah what's your name Daria Daria Daria Daria Daria I'm younger Daria I'm your kid okay

well let's just say you know what I'm I'm your kid uh Julia or Juliet or julienne um and say I come to you I'm a young kid I'm like four years old and I'm like do do you love me but I just ate some sugar doesn't matter are you sure because you just said I'm not ideal if I eat sugar uh it wasn't so strict like why is it strict in adulthood because I wasn't conscious and it was my and my parents uh obligation to give me restrictions and now it's me why you can still give yourself restrictions but

does it affect the love that you have for yourself or the worth that you have as a person I think no no M.I.A is an example if you even Follow Me Through The Years uh simply and I talk about this in spinning plate Theory there's times where I'm just very business focused and my health is on the back burner and you might see me put on some weight then there's times where I put my health to the front business slows down a bit and then I'll get in shape am I a better teacher if I weigh two kilos l

ess than now am I worst teacher if I put on two more kilos someone's like maybe that's something somebody the contents I'm like forgot what I was gonna say everyone I don't know the advice it's the two kilos extra the same thing here as a human hey am I a worse you like say right now I had a just a jug of sugar and I just went like are you gonna be like oh it's value I don't like oh what a loser so why are you doing that to you because it's you excuse you're uh it's your life and it's me it's my

life and denied it but is it leading to a beneficial outcome what is it leading to health and I will be I will leave yes but in terms of the relationship you have with you it's leading to you not feeling good enough having low self-esteem and hiding behind a front now once more yeah that once more it's not either or this doesn't mean now it's well for me to have high self-esteem and no front let's sugar it up then no no be smart but it means that you can't attach your self-worth to that so you

can still be mindful of you know what I want to live a long life I want to be mindful of what I put into my body great but it doesn't make you a better person okay I understand it I I get it always I get it on videos but then in life I need to do that like to feel it I get it but it don't after I don't feel it like when I I need just to practice I think how are you going to practice it yes so I'm here to practice okay well the first step is really taking the hit that the strategy doesn't work an

d that the current strategy is toxic meaning there's still Parts you're saying that you're like okay but is it keep putting me back in my golden prison it's yes no it really you said you were a good liar you're not you're not that good it's like so toxic is it okay so but this is for everyone step one to change is really taking the hit that the way you're doing things isn't good and especially with people pleasing it's one where it's a very toxic pattern but it's easy to downplay because look li

ke what's so bad about pleasing is it oh is it that time I'm too nice look how toxic I am I'm too nice it's easy to downplay it it's not that bad I'm just a little too nice but it's actually very very toxic okay because you're constantly betraying yourself presenting yourself as someone you're not constantly communicating to yourself the real me isn't good enough only this version of me you're crafting this front and once more even if things go well then you're always walking on eggshell's fear

of breaking that front you can never truly just oh this is me here we go no front there's not that relaxation it's always heavy and maintenance heavy Vibe heavy existence maintenance paranoia so Step One is realizing this isn't good it's not healthy for me it's not healthy for others on top of that too if you always put on a certain front you'll never actually attract people friendships relationships so on and so forth in your life who know you and like you for you they always just like the fron

t so oftentimes draw people that you're not actually meant to be surrounded with or connect with which is also why people who fall into this or even people Pleasers they tend to have very toxic relationships not good okay yes yes yeah I tend to do that as well but I think it has both sides like one side is yes you've got people in your life that maybe not it's you don't attractive attract because you're authentic but on the on the other hand it opens you the door to be with people that you other

wise wouldn't be with and you can learn so much from it and even if you just meet with them and like live their life for a bit or adapt to them for a bit and then you take what you want and you leave the rest I think you can do that I agree learning from people but it even though the event there are some benefits there it's still not worth compromising your authenticity no no that's the thing for everyone nothing is worth compromising your authenticity for nothing nothing at all nothing because

what you're saying it's like well I'm going to hurt myself but maybe look I'll get a couple bucks don't hurt yourself even though yes there's a couple bucks and yes there's some value and you can learn it's not worth hurting yourself for it'll damage your self-esteem not good what's something about you that's real that's authentic that you've never told anyone before I need to say it yeah oh oh there's a lot to pick from yeah there's a lot to pick from it's not just you don't have to go super ex

treme it's like well there's this one thing like there's a million things in your life all of you that have happened or that you are into or aspects that you've not told others so there's tons to pick from but I want you to tell one thing right now you've never told anyone before that is real that is authentic and now we're getting to work and now we have the fronts getting triggered now before things start getting intense here click the link below this video and apply for a free coaching call y

ou'll speak directly to one of my coaches someone who I've worked with and trained and they'll give you personalized feedback just like what you're witnessing in this video here so click the link and enjoy it's from which uh the man anything you tell me tell me one thing that is real that you've never told anyone in your life there's stuff popping in but you're just judging it now you're like is that good enough to say oh no what if I say this or no from childhood I had a strange dream like and

for now also I think that my husband he might be Prince a prince prince and I will not like date anyone who is not Prince is it bizarre give her a hand no why it's a it's a miracle it's not a real life I think it's so it's what's so bad about still saying it it's real people so I like to have a beautiful picture before other eyes that's the thing it's like it doesn't matter so much what other people think it's say if that's you or that's real that's what you think put it out there yeah difficult

to live in society if you are very bizarre right who says that how do you know do you not think I'm pretty weird just a little bit very weird yeah and what does that do but I'm yes I'm authentic but I'm also very weird just scroll through any of my video comments every video you always see one say weird weirdo what's he wearing what's up with his hair this this you'll hear tons of weird stuff I am like objectively very very very very very weird now you might not necessarily think that or now yo

u're like wow Izzy because you resonate with it no not so much again everyone has different things they're into but like I honor me I put me out there and there are people out there who are into it you if you honor you and you put it out there you will be surprised how there are people out there who are into it no matter how weird you are no matter what there's it's like the whole definition of finding your tribe but it might repel though people you're currently surrounded with but then that jus

t means that they don't actually like you for you they just like the front and this is also key for self-esteem although yes it might hurt if you do get rejected for being who you are but you know it hurts a lot more only been accepted when you're being someone that you're not what a terrible life is that forever a mask right um no thank you no but it's it's something to keep in mind like think of it here is me walking in with these crazy weird robes sunglasses coming up here and you're like tha

t's not too weird yeah it's weird it's super weird yeah look there's a big crowd if I can do with this big crowd why can't you yeah yeah yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes tell us something else that's true you never told anyone before when's the last time you went to the bathroom huh no no I didn't notice when's the last time you went to the toilet and took a big no why when's the last time it's not my mind so you don't no no no no you never poo but in the bathroom well in the toilet I mean for me

the bath in America it's the bathroom the toilet and the toilet seat you sit on it when's the last time you when for me it was this morning what about you see now that there for everyone here that's also part of it people can never know that I that I'm human I'm a fairy and it's just perfume and pink that's the whole thing it's like you can't like and trust me I used to feel the same way too I was like no one can ever know I remember even um back in the day this is like way early on like even o

n on dates or whatnot or I'd you know see someone I'd spend the night I'm like I the bathroom where they'll know they'll know I'm human oh it's like we have we're all walking around it's like it's so in the vibe and in the way you live I mean for lack of a better word constipating it's a constipating of Who You Are notice how just how crazy it is it's like this thing we all do right I hope I hope we all do it it's human but we're just like we can't tell oh no so much shame what's so bad about sa

ying it look I said it nothing happened to me nothing and there is something once more Vibe consummating there's something relieving about that now that does not mean to be clear and this is actually a key Nuance it doesn't mean now and this is also the difference between when I say authenticity relatability it doesn't mean that now I'm going to walk around and every single person that I meet I'm going to talk about the last time I went to the bathroom right it's like no it's like hey nice to me

et you by the way uh it was a 10 45 a.m this morning but like no but if I wanted to I could and that's the key you can act a certain way out of choice or out of obligation you can act if you want in a certain way that is pretty similar to the way you're acting now but people will sense it in the vibe and you will sense it where it's like I'm choosing to act this way versus I have to act this way do you get it some people for example are quiet because they have to they're too scared of being loud

other people are quiet but they could be loud if they wanted to so they just choose to be quiet you should feel in terms of self-expression quiet or loud comfortable no matter what in terms of your personality Who You Are hey this is me yeah I'll just whatever I'm comfortable saying and showing all parts of me all aspects of me all aspects of my personality but I'm just going to choose based upon this context this still authentic but now it's no longer out of obligation no longer on eggshells t

rust me too say you do get into a relationship if there's still again that thing it's like oh no we can't ever know that I do this know these secrets you're creating this prison of paranoia literally you're like what if they see the real me the real me now practical steps for you on an external side you don't have to go super extreme but I would practice putting bits of the real you out there and getting some real life experience that nothing bad happened that you actually survived meaning next

time hanging out with your friends why not just for the fun of it if they're actually your friends mention hey I just went to the bathroom and that happened yeah now everybody oh no but if it's your friends what do they care I'm like oh cool anyway like that's usually going to be the response oh thanks for sharing anyway and what's going to communicate to you on an external level Oh I thought it would be all over and everything would fall apart but I'm okay and it gives you a little bit more per

mission to be you then internally too it's having that relationship with yourself no longer being the high standard perfectionist person Within can you be kinder can you still say hey even if you mess up I still love you yeah hey it's okay to not be perfect there is no such thing as perfect and you'll see that in the end like this whole strategy of people pleasing being perfect the whole goal at the end is if I'm perfect enough things will fall in place and I'll be able to relax but it doesn't w

ork that way in reality it's hey you want to relax relax now and stop trying to be perfect Perfection and relaxation go are the opposites hey you want it whatever that goal you're after just we were talking about with her like fulfillment it's right here right now yeah right right and notice nothing happened now final thing what's going on in your head right now yeah what are the thoughts what are you thinking oh my God I was on stage and he was talking about going to the toilet what's going on

in your head right now I think I'm more relaxed like the first time I was at the trembling and then uh it was too interesting to communicate and it's the first uh experience with scammers and with you on offline and when you were you were speaking of Natural Things it is a very clever it is very such something about you that you are not afraid to show others it's not about only these things but it's deeper like I feel like I will change not only in mind but with my actions yes final question wha

t's something weird about you something weird and nerdy about you sometimes I can understand can't understand what people are saying but okay well there is another great exercise moving forward no more doing that no more which and you need to communicate say what what every time it would be very annoying I think say what speak up what slower what no I really have no friends well again you don't know that you've never tried try okay try having no friends see what happens you'll see is if they're

actually your friends by saying something like that you won't have no friends and that's the thing too friends if they leave so fast they're not really your friends yeah those are just acquaintances they're not friends or they're fake friends and then this is actually another key thing with people pleasing there's usually a deep aversion to negative emotions do you know what a version means I said that purposely to see if you'd call me out saying what I just listened and then I will not I will n

ever interrupt erupt ever it do it yes no for me it's not polite like I will never screw being polite screw be nice screwing polite be real instead otherwise it's manipulation why are you trying to manipulate me you're manipulating me right now that is so rude and so impolite I feel used you're laughing as you're saying it too you don't mean it so a lot of people pleasing there's a deep aversion to painful and negative emotions version Rodney yeah version good aversion is resistance or fear resi

stance yeah like a fear of like of negative emotions so when you are quote unquote nice it's not real authentic nice it's I'm going to be nice because I'm really scared of someone thinking negatively of me I'm scared of being in polite I'm scared of saying something that might cause a dispute or an argument so I'm going to say the right thing now there's nothing wrong with being nice that's great if it's authentic otherwise it's literally manipulation screw the fake front even if it's a perfectl

y crafted nice pleasing fake front people don't want that they don't connect with that they want authenticity and realness there's also nothing wrong with interrupting there's nothing wrong with having a conversation where there is some tension there's nothing wrong with disagreeing what's your favorite movie [Music] hate that movie huh gone with yeah I hate that movie it's a terrible movie despise that movie spice is that spicy despise what is it is it twice good see more of that yes no yes for

real and people you'll see they'll like it because otherwise too it's like what do you also become you just become this flat mirror yes yes yes there's there's no personality right like say tell me um tell me something interesting about what you tell me okay one one day yeah I fed my cat really yes I fed my great cats what kind of cat do you have uh British cats oh I love British cats yeah she's very angry sometimes so I fed my cat and I um that's smart yeah that's really smart yeah yeah I trie

d a little piece of the nurture of my cats oh good yeah it tastes really good it tastes good yeah oh good good I like that I like that it tastes good yeah I do really really in dialogue with me yeah I just wanted to admit yeah I love everything you're proud of your cat yeah I feel like I love honesty too I feel like you're a little fake with me no no I don't like fake people either I agree I agree I don't like fake people yeah yeah with all that I say yeah I mean we just see eye to eye yeah we h

ave the the vision of Life yeah yeah I love having the same vision of life I think you like yeah [Laughter] [Music] okay give her a hand Eric good okay that was good in French it would be touche touche um but no so moving forward try bringing some realness if there's something you know speak your truth think of it that that's really the mantra for every people pleaser is speak your truth that voice inside like because you'll hear it it's like say aversion and what are you doing inside it's like

no honor that voice listening to that inner voice that voice of intuition is the most important yes okay and then practice a little bit disagreeing practice stating your truth see what gets triggered then you can combine it with letting go meditation so on and so forth and you will see you will be surprised one what you think is have to be perfect you can lower that bar and all is good and am I putting the real you out there you'll attract people who resonate with that and you'll see It'll be pe

achy do you understand peachy nope why a perfect weight on it no peachy means it'll be quite like a peach peachy I don't understand it's a fruit so it'll be very fruity yeah very good give her a hand amazing absolutely amazing foreign thank you