[Music] foreign [Music]Hi. This is Lucia with The Art of Love. I'm a dating and relationship expert
specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get over your ex so last week I put out
a video called if you think your ex is never coming back watch this and I didn't think I would
be talking about the same subject so soon however I realized there are a couple of very important
points that I left out of that video and so I said I have to do another video so here we are
again but before I
start I want to welcome back my beautiful no contact Army if you're having trouble
staying in no contact download the Silenzio app the link is underneath every video and podcast
and it will help you to stay in no contact and if you too want to join our army all you have
to do is hit the Subscribe button and the Bell notification and you're in and to read our manual
go to www.nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two free chapters before purchasing the book and
the link to that is under e
very video and podcast okay so let's talk about this subject again it's
so important it needs two videos not one so when you've been broken up with and you want your ex
back but you think that they'll never come back you are in what's called a heightened emotional
state which means that you are more prone to something called catastrophizing I can't even
say it. it's a long word catastrophizing which means that you're experiencing intrusive thoughts
where you're Imagining the worst case scen
ario and according to an article in the guardian these
thoughts are quote rooted deep in our bodies and adaptive trait and evolutionary defense mechanism
that helps us prepare for the worst end quote so this is why you have that negative voice in
your head that's our primitive brain trying to protect us by bringing up the worst case scenario
thanks a lot so when we feel out of control or stressed our primitive coping mechanisms kick in
and this ramps up our fear responses and it shuts off t
he logical part of the brain the prefrontal
cortex so the more stressed you feel the more the stronger the Primitive circuit gets and the more
things feel threatening or sad so literally you are not in your right mind because you're in the
Primitive brain as opposed to The Logical brain and this may have been helpful back in the
day when we were cavemen and there was danger everywhere but that is no longer the case there
isn't danger everywhere and yet our brains have not yet adapted so how
do you get back into your
right mind well the more time you spend in calm environments the more in control you'll feel and
you can do this with taking long walks or even short walks being out in nature deep breathing
calms your nervous system rubbing your hands together also calms your nervous system watching
funny TV shows or movies and exercise which also strengthens the prefrontal cortex so those are
all good things to get to being in a calm state as I've mentioned many times before if
you're
having a difficult time after a breakup whether you're trying to get an ex back or not you have to
take care of you focus on the things that I just mentioned and remember that when you have those
intrusive thoughts that's not you that's your primitive brain so you can say to it thank you
I know you're trying to protect me but I don't need your help right now or you can do what I or
you can say what I say which is I don't know who you're talking to but I am not listening to what
you
have to say okay so that was the first thing now the second thing that I forgot to mention was
faith and I'm going to get a bit religious here often going through no contact is similar to
walking through the valley of the shadow of death and everyone who wants their ex back has to
walk to that Valley there's no escaping it you're afraid that you'll never hear from
your ex despite how many times I've said that 90 of people will hear from their ex it's
called having faith and you need to have
it and you need to believe that you will hear
from your ex and that you will have a chance to get back together and if you think about
it everything in life actually requires faith when we go to sleep at night we have faith
that will actually wake up in the morning or when you go to a restaurant to eat you have
faith that the food is not going to poison you when you turn the light switch on you have
faith at the light is actually going to come on if you start an exercise and diet regimen y
ou have
faith that by sticking to it eventually you'll get to where you want to go so pretty much everything
in life requires some level of faith and it's no different with no contact you have to be able to
live with some level of uncertainty there's no way around it and once you've seen the power of
no contact you will not have any doubt about it but some people need to see before they believe
I understand but why do you think that I'm so adamant about how well no contact works it's
becau
se I've seen it work over and over and over with my clients with the comments that
people leave under my videos and in my own life most people are not dismissive avoidance meaning
that if they leave you will probably hear from them at some point and even if they are dismissive
if their interest level goes up you will hear from them okay so keep those two things in mind the
fact that your primitive brain is messing with you and the fact that no contact requires Faith
now one last thing in th
e video last week I mentioned that after a year and a half I heard
from a guy that I had seen twice and he wrote me a very nice email I said it was the perfect
email and some people are wondering well what is this perfect email so okay I will read it to you
so that if you need to write a perfect email to someone you will have a template okay so he goes
hey Luchia I hope you've been well this is so and so I'm not sure how well you remember me but we
met up a couple of times back in the fall
of 2021 um then he gave me a personal compliment I don't
need to repeat that then he goes first I want to apologize for not keeping in touch with you I
think I felt a bit nervous intimidated at the time I've never connected with a woman like you before
I wasn't sure whether connection would take us I spent a good chunk of the past year traveling
but now I'm back in LA full time I'm running to you in hopes that we may reconnect and spend some
time together um I can't put my finger on it but
you've been on my mind a lot lately I don't know
but if I believe that but that's a good thing to put in uh then another personal compliment and
then shoot me a text if you think if you want to get together blah blah blah um so that's
it that's the perfect letter if you want to reconnect with someone and he found my email
because I he didn't have my email so he had to find me so he put in the effort but I'm still
not interested okay so now I want to hear from you and I want to see if you ha
ve had the thought
that you will never get your ex back and did this video help you in relieving the anxiety
around that comment below and in the meantime if you would like my help personally to get your
ex back contact me at www.theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates the direct link is
below every single video if you found this video helpful please like subscribe and share if
you're listening to this as a podcast remember to rate and review and finally remember that love
inspires
and powers of lives and enlightens
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