Alright, we are back with the marriage
edition of our disability and intimacy series. And this video is beginning with a big warning. Alert, alert, alert. To family members of ours,
close friends of ours, even acquaintances of ours. If you proceed with this video, you waive all
rights to be uncomfortable to say anything to us about the video. Don't watch it. And we prefer that you didn't watch it.
But that being said, what is about to follow is not X rated. So don't worry everyone. No, obvio
usly we won't be graphic,
but we're talking about intimacy and it's not a conversation that
I would have with my mom. So mom, close the tab. Shane, where are we? We're in your stretching position. We're in our basement.
We're in your stretching position? Well, we're here. Shane has never seen what stretching
looks like on a human being. That is not true. I know better than anyone. Yeah, that's true. You did a lot of
stretching and physical therapy. I'm trying to learn how to do a split.
It's
my latest thing. Unrelated to intimacy. Shane. I am so far away from being able
to do a split. It's not even funny. You're further than me. Yeah, pretty much. So anyway, I'm going to be doing my
daily stretches. I'm following like a five minute regiment. And we're going to do that while we
talk about, while we answer these Q&A questions that you've compiled for us. Yeah, so we put up a thing saying,
Ask Just About Intimacy. And we picked some, but also leave your
comments below if you have m
ore questions because we got so many that this
is going to be a multi-part series. Oh boy. So here we go. But before we begin, Shane, we have to take
a quick break to show you the best cinematic piece of work that we have made in a long time. We hope you love it. You're about to be very impressed. Here we go. Hey, you ready for dinner? No, my mom's cafe burned down.
I'm trying to figure out who did it. Oh, my god. That's terrible.
I'll call the police. Oh, no, it's not in real life. I'm playin
g love and pies.
Your mom's cafe burns down and your aim is to help build back a
thriving business and solve the mystery of the fire. Okay, so should I just go get takeout? Yeah, how could I possibly stop now?
I'm trying to figure out if I can trust Joe. Joe. Yes. Okay. Joe. Hey, baby. Want to watch a movie? The freaking cat ran away. That's really
my number one priority today. We don't have a cat. Freya's cat, Marshmallow from love
and pies. I'm very busy, Shane. Okay. Well, hope you find M
agenta or whatever? Marshmallow. Baby, guess what day it is? Monday? My birthday. I thought we could celebrate. Oh, well Sven is kind of building me some
tables later, so I really need to keep baking. Oh. Okay. Happy birthday to me. Are you ready for bed? I'm excited to cuddle. How am I supposed to make two
apple pies and an Americano in the midst of a full-on arson investigation? I am up to my neck in customers. Love and pies? Love and pies. Love and pies is a free-to-play,
merged-to mobile
game that can be played on a mobile phone or tablet. The objective of the game is to merge
baked goods, serve them to customers, earn tips, and decorate your cafe. It's so easy to pick up and play, and I play a lot. There's a new leaderboard event
called Customer Clash that you can participate in, completing orders
Wednesday to Saturday. You get points in friendly competitions against other players. For now, it's exclusively available
to some players, but Love and Pies hopes to bring this even
t out to all players soon. So Shane and I encourage you to join
in on the fun and download Love and Pies for free on iOS and Android. We are back from something that I'm very proud of. I have to say, the fact that I am not a
professional actor at this point is shocking. It is upsetting. It is upsetting that we
are still not professional actors. Okay, we are going to start with the
first question on the list, which is funny. Do you feel uncomfortable answering
these types of questions? That k
ind of leads us into the rest of
these types of questions. I think the fact that Hannah is actively doing a
different activity while we do them might be indicative of her discomfort. I'm starting. I'm like my stretching.
I have to start. I don't feel very much discomfort. I've written about my sexual function
in my book, so like, I... no. No? Not really. I want to honor our privacy. You barely do though. I think you would
answer so many more questions than I allow you to put on that list. I ve
toed things and you were like,
who cares? I want to answer this one. I'm like, nope, no, we're not going to do that. I would say I'm immature, short-sighted. And you have no shame. Unprofessional and shameless. Goodbye Chloe. Okay, Chloe's like, and with
that list of adjectives, I'm out. So I don't really feel bothered by this. Hannah is more private than I am. And feels shame. I run everything through a much
bigger filter than Shane does. The fact that you're doing this right
now here is a te
stament to you. But the thing is, I'm not uncomfortable
with anything that we're going to say. You know, but like you would say
a lot of other stuff, you know? I'm not saying like I'm really
uncomfortable doing this. I'm saying like I'm not doing the things
that I'm uncomfortable with. The questions that we have, I have approved. And I'm doing this stretch. I'm supposed to tilt my pelvis forward
to stretch my hamstring. And I feel like I'm dislocating my kneecap. That's a sign to stop doing it
. Ouch. Maybe you just don't need to do a split. Oh, I do though. Maybe that's not in store for you. Now I need to do this back of my leg. Question number two. Since getting married, has your
intimacy changed in any way? So the the lead up to this Q&A series
was that it is our three year anniversary, wedding anniversary coming up. But we've been together for seven and a half years. In a week, two weeks. I don't know, when's our anniversary? Oh, Shane, it's coming up. And we have a couple of we
ird anniversaries
with how our wedding worked out. But it's three years. So that's why this question, for context,
that we have been married for three years. I think the simplest answer is, yeah,
without a doubt our intimacy is different in ways than it was when we met. Yeah. In seven years, yeah. When Hannah used to visit on like her
weekend visits from college, like the urge and the need to just be like
physically close was powerful. Yeah. Now, like we live together. We're always together, ye
ah. We're together all the time. It's okay if we're not... So the urgency. She's whining. Chloe. She's licking her lips. Okay, we have to put our dog back upstairs. Anyway, yeah. So the urgency is not the same as it used to be. I think an improvement is that like the
comfort level that we have with one another is way higher. Yeah, no embarrassment or anything
like that you have at the beginning. Do you remember in the early days,
like, we've maybe never really talked about this, but like the
feeling you have
in the back of your mind when you're like getting into intimacy. Early on, and you're like, is this okay? Yeah. And does she hate it? Yeah. Is it fine? I hope she's happy. Yeah. And you're so nervous that. Yeah. Now you know the other person a lot better. So it's not that way. Definitely. Yeah. So those are two big ways it makes a difference. Yeah. All right. How did you initiate the conversation
about how intimacy would work? Do you remember? Well, we probably answered this in
a
previous video like years ago when we first talked about this three or four years ago. So we probably had a better answer then
because we were closer to when it happened. How did we initiate the conversation? Do you think you had maybe written
anything about intimacy at the time? That I had already read? Yeah, you definitely read my blog
where I definitely talked about the fact that like sexually everything works, like
that my disability doesn't affect that. Yeah, but I also remember read
ing a chapter
that you wrote that you scrapped from your book. A chapter? I don't remember. Okay, I'm going to cut here. Oh, yeah. It's burned into my mind. Okay, yeah. And now Shane's laughing. We're cutting back in, the chapter that
I just described to him that actually I think was cut from your book at my request. Thank God. It was vivid, let's put it that way. It was so, it is exactly what we were saying
before where Shane has no filter and I... Nixed it. And you know what? Rightfully so. Ev
eryone else who would have read that
or been implicated in that chapter should be thanking me. But you were aware. I had read, yeah, and I'm not even sure
that honestly might have been later into our relationship. I don't remember exactly when that was. It was in the first six months, but I'm not sure
if that's what started our conversation about intimacy. It probably wasn't, but Iremember reading about intimacy And then I mean... Knowing no filter me. Yeah. I bet you I like texted like when w
e were
being like flirty, I bet you I texted something that like initiated a conversation about that. Yes. Just so that I could like make sure you
knew that like I could do that. Oh, I remember you texting me things
that were not like disability related, but obviously very like flirtatious. Intimate. Very intimate. Yeah. So yeah, I didn't have any... Yeah. I just, I don't think I ever assumed that
it wouldn't work. Yeah. I just didn't because I knew you had
had multiple previous relationships.
I knew that you had like written about this. The way you emphasize multiple, made it sound
like there have been hundreds. - Well, there were like..
- You were like multiple. You know what's funny to me, but this is so funny. We're getting off topic here. I might leave for this. We are getting off topic, but I saw a comment. It was on like your most recent reel about,
it was a podcast clip, just funny of us being like, you being like, we're so classy. Okay. Oh yeah. It wasn't even that funny. I
t was literally just like a moment. I thought it was hilarious. Hilarious of you. Anyway, but some person who I
had restricted, like I clicked on their name and it was like,
would you like to unblock? And I was like, this checks out. Commented just being like that they
don't believe we're a real relationship, but they were like being very diplomatic about it. They were like, you know, I honestly don't
think they're like horrible people. They're a little bit boring and I think
they're lying,
but they have some content that I've watched and I was like, okay. Anyway, however, they are proof of,
someone responded being like, why do you think they're faking? And they were like, well, he's had
two girlfriends before Hannah and that is just absolutely unbelievable. Like I don't buy it. And I was laughing to myself being like,
you think he's had two girlfriends because that was when he was writing a book,
like they're in his books and like in his blog. And he has had previous girlfriend
s
before that that were not written about. And so they're just like, like imagine if they
knew that you had had more girlfriends. Their minds would have melted. There are girlfriends that I've not written about. Yeah. And like, I've never even said that publicly,
but I was just like giggling at this person being like, well, he's had two previous girlfriends. Well, thanks for outing me Hannah
as having had... I know. I hope that person watches this video
and is like, dozens and dozens. Anyway,
I didn't have any concerns. And then like the first time there were
any like conversations about specifics, logistics would be like in the moment. It wasn't like pre-planned. And that was just like silly and fun. Yeah. There was no like, okay, what should we do? Yeah. It was just like, you know, having fun. Yeah. Laughing about it. Yeah, exactly. Any suggestions on how to guide my 10 year
old son with muscular dystrophy on sexual health? Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah. And I just, I want
ed to share that like my
sexual health education was standard growing up and that got me to where I am today. And I like, obviously I can't draw a
direct line from that to where I am now. But like, I took health class with my peers
and learned about puberty and all that, the way that every other student did. My parents never really talked about like,
here's how things might be different or, you know, here's what you need
to think about your disability. Like, because I have normal sexual func
tion. Yeah, that's the thing. I think it just wasn't a topic. I was going to say, because like there weren't
any specific concerns where you were like, that doesn't work for me. You didn't have that. I do think you probably had moments
where you were like, a girl wouldn't want to date me. Yes. You know, that's different than like this
wouldn't biologically work. Yeah. And that's what I wanted to get to is like,
I think the bigger thing is encouraging your child to see themselves as valuable an
d
worthy of relationships. Yeah. Like anyone else. Yeah. And showing them examples of, you know, like, Show them our videos. Well. Be careful which one you choose. Maybe not that. Um, okay. How's your split coming along, are you..? Well, terribly. You want to see, like after I stretch,
I'm supposed to be able to get a little closer. Are you giving a demo here? Don't hurt yourself. That's it. Do you think it's better than three days ago when I began? Uh, yeah. So much better. Ugh, it's this hams
tring. You are far. Yeah, hit it, that'll help. You are really far. I'm going to get there. Oh, and you know how cool I'm going
to look when I can do a split? So cool. I'm going to do it all the freaking time. Just down here in the basement. No, I'm going to do it in public
everywhere I go. It would actually increase the interest in our vlogs. Yeah, and I'll wear a squirmy and grubs shirt. And suddenly Hannah's doing a split in burger king. All right. Next one. How do you handle differences in
libido? Um, just by communicating and acknowledging
that we're not always going to be on the same page at the same time. And that's not a cause for like annoyance
or anger or anything like that. Yeah. I don't, yeah. You nailed it. Yeah. So that's part one of our married disabled... We're getting a lot of adjectives here. Yeah. I wonder if we'll do the rest of them in the basement. That's going to be where we do all of them. By the end, Hannah's going to do a perfect split. Oh my God. Wouldn't th
at be fun if we like, if I worked
really hard between now and the next one and I was like halfway there and then in like
the last one, I was in the split the whole time. I can't think of a single thing that
would be more fun. I agree. Alright. Thank you everyone. Bye. Bye.
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