-You look good, bud.
How you doing? Everything good? -Very good, very good.
Lovely to be here. -Your Netflix special
came out this week. This is your third
comedy special. -Third comedy special, yes.
It launched this week. -A big deal.
-It's a big deal. It's a very,
very exciting day today. Not just because of that,
as well, by the way. There's something else
that I want to bring up, and I'm a little upset
that it wasn't mentioned in the monologue.
But as we -- Some of you will know,
today is a
very, very important day
for another reason. The 1st of February, Jimmy. Today is the 30th birthday
of Mr. Harry Styles, and I think we would
be remiss... [ Cheers and applause ]
-I didn't know. -Of course. We forgot, yes.
-Let's... -Yes, that's -- of course.
-...wish him a very happy 30th birthday.
-Happy birthday, Harry. -I'm sure he's watching. He watches all of my
late-night appearances. [ Laughter ]
Um... -He does?
-Yeah, yeah, all of them. And, obviously, I'm delighted
to be here with you.
It's the only place
that I would rather be than with Harry tonight,
um, celebrating his birthday. Um, I do miss him a bit.
It's fine. I, uh... -Yeah, you don't
have to get into it, yeah. -No, I actually wrote
a couple of little words for him that I'm probably
gonna Voice Note him later, just so you know.
He'll be fine. He'll be fine. -You can do it tonight
if you want to. If he's watching,
you could save the Voice... [ Cheers and applause ] -Well, I mean,
it's kind of an intimate -- All right!
Well, no. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, as you know, I journal, and, uh...
[ Laughter ] It's just --
It's just a little -- These are, like, notes
that I write down. Little lists and things.
-Yeah. Wow. That's yours. -Funny thank-you notes. That's just a thing
that I came up with. [ Laughter ]
Um, so...yeah. No, this is just a little thing. And you -- I'll workshop
it here with you guys, and just tell me
if you think this is too much. So this is called
"Turning 30 in Styles." [ Laughter ] Harry, oh, sweet H
arry,
you are a man of utter class, my north, my south,
my if, my when, my elbow and my ass. [ Laughter ] I first saw you on "X Factor," the silly reality show,
way back in 2010, nearly three Simon Cowell
faces ago. [ Laughter ] A twinkle in your eyes,
your hair looked like a mop, a high-pitched little voice,
your testicles yet to drop. [ Laughter ] You dazzled the world with your
boy band One Direction, an unstoppable rise,
like an unwanted morning... Can I say that word
on late night? [ Laught
er ] The day the band broke up,
I screamed, I cursed, I cried. I hadn't been that sad
since the day Mufasa died. [ Laughter ] But your solo career blossomed. Your limit was the sky. Stadiums and number-one's,
a watermelon sugar high. You branched out into acting,
a dab hand at it, too. Just please never try stand-up,
or I won't know what to do. And so today, you're turning 30, and I've one last thing to say. Please don't copy
the other Harry and ever run away. [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] -Com
e on!
Happy birthday, Harry Styles! Happy 30th, buddy. Well done.
Oh, my gosh. That was beautiful. Thank you very much.
That was touching. [ Laughter ]
-I'm welling up here. -[ Voice breaking ]
That was touching, that was touching.
I didn't expect to cry. Uh...
I'm so happy that you're here. I want to get into
a lot of stuff. But first of all,
congratulations. Man, you were showing me
pictures backstage of the most beautiful baby. You had a baby --
beautiful baby girl. -Yeah.
-Oh, my gosh. [ Che
ers and applause ] She's adorable.
She's perfect. -I'm a 35-year-old
father of one, and I'm writing poems
about Harry Styles. [ Laughter ] Maybe that has to stop now.
-No, no. How's the baby doing?
-It's amazing. It's amazing how quickly
your whole attitude to parenting changes, as well. Like, I remember, before
she arrived, we were like, "We're not gonna be like those
parents that just stick the, you know, kid down
in front of a television screen and rely on all of that.
We want to really engag
e and read to them
all of the time." I'm five months in.
I'm literally counting down the days
until I can give her an iPad. [ Laughter ] -It changes very quickly.
-So quick. -It's very fast.
Yeah, absolutely. But how did the news go
when you had to tell everyone that you were --
that you guys were expecting? -Well, actually,
it was quite funny because I was on tour
when we found out, and I was on tour
in America first. So I was doing shows out here,
and we found out, and then I started
sharing i
t on stage, and I'd go out on stage,
and I'd be like, "Oh, yeah. So, I have some news --
my girlfriend's expecting." And, you know,
American audiences, incredible. People were whooping
and hollering and standing up on their chairs. One night,
I think there was a couple at the back of the auditorium
getting pregnant themselves, they were so excited.
[ Laughter ] I was like,
"Ooh. Yeah, calm down. We don't even know
if it's mine yet." I -- so -- no.
[ Laughter ] I then came back to England, and I
remember
the first show back in England, telling everyone that
my girlfriend was expecting. It was like in a theater
in Leicester. I was like, "Oh, yeah,
my girlfriend's pregnant." Complete silence.
[ Laughter ] Just, like, one guy in the front
row with his arms crossed, going, "You know who else
who had a baby, Jack? Everyone."
[ Laughter ] -"Not the first time,"
yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny.
-Yes. -Does your girlfriend care that you talk about her
in your act? -[ Voice cracking ]
Um...I t
hink she -- [ Laughter ] -That says it all.
that says it all. Never mind. That says it all.
-I read out love letters to Harry Styles
on national television. It's the least of her worries
when I'm talking about her. -Yeah.
-Yeah. No, I mean, occasionally. It's when her --
when her family come along to see the shows,
that's always quite awkward. Well, I had one show where there was, like,
five of them in the audience, and I was doing this bit.
My girlfriend has diabetes, and anyone that doesn't kn
ow,
diabetes affects your pancreas, and it means you don't
produce enough insulin. So you have to, like,
monitor your blood-sugar levels. And if you do
strenuous exercise, they can dip
very dangerously low. -Yeah.
-And what I say is that, what that now means in my life
is that I can now tell exactly how good
of a performance I've put in in the bedroom...
[ Laughter ] ...by what my girlfriend
has to snack on afterwards. [ Laughter ]
So if -- And it's true, it's true.
If I roll over after sex and
my girlfriend's
eating an entire novelty Toblerone, I'm like,
"Well played, chap. Nice work." [ Laughter and applause ] But if I roll over
and it's like a single Skittle, I'm like, "Okay.
Could try harder next time." [ Laughter ] -I want to show everyone
a clip from the special. Here's Jack Whitehall in
"Settle Down." Take a look at this. -Has anyone else had that moment
recently, as well, where you're doing
the "I am not a robot" test, you're on your own,
in your bedroom, in front of your lapto
p, and you have failed
the "I am not a robot" test so many times
that you have that moment where you stop and you go,
"[bleep]. Maybe I am a robot!" [ Laughter ] "Maybe this is how robots
realize that they're robots, because they just
can't work out whether a traffic light
consists of the box of lights or the post
that it's on, as well!" [ Laughter ] I'm having an existential
crisis here. I haven't been able to spot
10 traffic lights in a row! I'm either a robot
or a cyclist!" [ Laughter ] -That
's how you do it.
Jack Whitehall, everybody! His special,
"Jack Whitehall: Settle Down," is streaming now on Netflix.
Comments