I've always wanted to be good at sports ever since I was little be really good at sports and pressed my friends and stuff but I I'm such a theater nerd that one time I was talking about football I forgot the word quarterback and I saw him and I panicked I saw him and I was like oh he he he plays the lead he's not one of the under stays on the bench he's a star he's the best one I only played football once I was 10 years old literally made me a lineman that's the right response because now it's m
y job to protect the main character Disney the part I audition for all right I would have loved the Royal team manager something backstage but of course the kid across from me is the black dude from The Green Mile so he's the biggest person I've ever seen in my entire life and they blow the whistle and he hit me so hard that there was divot in the ground where my shoulder went in I got up I'm telling by that quit I just start walking off stage I started walking up I was done took off my football
costume cuz that's what I called it I was done I was gonna play more but then the director runs up and gives me a speech about being a queer I was like obviously sir you didn't see what just happened okay I might be 10 on my right side for the rest of my life and then they make this big kid come up and apologize to me which you shouldn't have to do you know it's not his fault actually also ever playing Pokemon to you or something but he walked up to me towering over me but locking out the Sun l
eaning over me and was like I'm sore it's like that's interesting that's just thing one two three four but we're all ten here sir why are you 32 okay I didn't even make it intermission there was no way I was getting through four acts of that game I was done I moved on to basketball which was a different mistake I thought needing height to play basketball was a suggestion it's not I was walking home one day and these kids on the public court asked me if I wanna play a game of pick-up with him and
I don't know you know I ran home and ran back real fast cuz I don't know he played pickup with a bunch of strangers but like having friends I was very excited so I ran home and ran back some shorts that were far too short I was out there I was out there looking like a dad just like you're not getting past me buddy no it's one of the worst mistakes in my life this kid LeBron James Michael Jordan jumped over me and dunked I'm guarding him and he just flew away which should be against the rules if
he's allowed to fly I should at least get a knife to cut Achilles or something like you know you're not gonna fly with me twice sir this dude jumped over me and dunk the ball so hard that he cracked the glass on the backboard the ball hit me on top of my head I hit the ground he hung there for a second and then landed straddling me got his face this close to mine and was like boom he dumped on me so hard that that night I dreamed he was my dad like her de never been more terrified I don't know
what my problem is you know let me tell you guys something cuz we're family ok tell you something I'll tell a lot of people I don't I ever feel black some days I feel like an alien that snatched a black by and didn't do any research at all didn't do anything didn't read a book didn't watch a movie doesn't know what boys in the hood is but loves trains like I don't I don't know if I haven't had enough dates for a grown man or too many dates for someone who's autistics I'm definitely on the spectr
um I talk about sharks too much on the front end of the conversation I dunno what one of my problems is I lived alone too long I think everybody should live alone and be single for at least a year you know get to know yourself right all right get to figure yourself out cuz maybe it's you you know you get to live alone get to be single get to figure out what's going on in here but if you do it too long you just evolved into a monster just have a downward spiral the first few months of living alon
e that you live alone are the most liberating months of your entire life and the next months of living load you live alone are the most depressing months of your entire life I have the weekend off the first month I ever lived alone I was like ooh looks like somebody's gonna be naked from the next three days I wear clothes for nope I'll be naked over here naked over here it's gonna be great at that same weekend off six months later I was like what's the point of clothes now I knew I was depressin
g my friends I started getting gifts that were purely just to keep me alive I just start getting puzzles left and right my one friend he gave me a cake which wouldn't only be nice but he gave me too much cake he gave me 7/8 of a huge huge chocolate birthday cake and I think in his head he was like this came alive at least a weekend and I've done my part I can't I can't babysit you know but living alone being single that's too much freedom I need a girlfriend or a roommate now just to shame me ba
ck to reality you can do whatever you want I can do whatever I want no consequences anytime I want I got in the shower with an umbrella and see how it feel you looking at me like you don't know I'm talking about I got naked alright got in the shower turn the water lifted the umbrellas like it does feel like rain will someone call today oh it's just like being outside except I control the weather you you
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