people people give me gift certificates as a gift I think a gift certificate is a [ __ ] gift you know what's a gift certificate you take money that was good [Laughter] everywhere and you ruin it you know just give me the [ __ ] 20 it was a universal gift certificate you just want to dictate where I shot I think the most the most popular attraction at all the amusement parks is always the line I think they need to pump it up a little make it sound exciting come to Magic Mountain this summer and
stand in the [Applause] line 2 hours of sheer tediousness it twists and it turns but don't sit on the rail I play tennis now thing that's depressing about playing tennis is that no matter how hard I try I'll never be as good as a [Laughter] wall lot of people think I'm high when I'm on stage see I'm I'm not high though you see that's a stereotype based on my appearance I I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use like an extreme longing for cake strangers would take one l
ook at me and say under their breath that [ __ ] eats cake [Applause] he's on bunt cake have mothers saying to their daughters don't bring the Cake Eater over here anymore you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching I go to Amsterdam because the bakery is legal a lot of people have been dying their hair with Kool-Aid lately I think in the name of Revenge Clare all should come up with a refreshing summertime beverage that's my Shi I went to a record store that
sign off front said they specialize in hard to find records and tapes nothing was [Laughter] alphabetized it's hard to make friends with strangers you see I was I was driving down the street in my car and I waved to a guy on the sidewalk and he didn't wave back he just looked at me funny it's like [ __ ] sorry I'm not in a [Applause] float you got you got to be in a goddamn parade to make friends before I told jokes for a living I I was a chef I was a continental breakfast chef I arranged Donuts
on a tray I was a [ __ ] donut arranger but I also made orange juice too 3 to one I still know the recipe new guys would come on the job I'd say three to one they say what is that mean I say you'll know oh
Comments