MURDER DRONES - Episode 1: PILOT Vocoded to Miss The Rage

- We are Worker Drones, autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JC Jensen, IN SPAAAAACEE.... Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex but it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything. Mostly they handle that just fine all by themselves. (dramatic music) With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future all to ourselves. (dramatic music) (air whooshing) Unfo

rtunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway ai. (dramatic music) (air whooshing) (drone chuckles) (dramatic music) What have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses? (computer beeping) Hide under the ice, behind three stupid doors. It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident. Anyway, that's why my project is this sick as hell railgun. (all gasping) - So not the vibe. - Easy morons. It doesn't work, yet. It doesn't work y

et. Who said it doesn't work? Maybe it does. (Uzi laughing) (teacher yawning) - Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons. - Oh, and this ally amplified photon converger doesn't count. - No, plus repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric, and is it supposed to be that color? (railgun whirring) (drones chattering) - Ew, it didn't kill her. - Oh my god, that was so bad. - Aargh. - Classic toxic masculinity Chad, that's never gonna end up problematic. O

h wow, Uzi, I heard you- - I'm an angsty teen Thad, bite me. Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you. (Thad chuckles) - Well, I'd say everyone knows Conn's daughter, but then you might blow the other half of your face off. (soft music) - Crippling daddy issues, hilarious. What are you in for? To toss your own too hard. - That can happen. Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass. - Oh, ew. Gross. I hate that you said that. - So what's the- - Sick as hell railgun. Sci-fi

nonsense, that super works. I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair there tonight to get the last spare part, I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part. - Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said. - No more feedback on my repression today. - No, I'm sorry. I didn't think. - Bite me. I'm not mad you, by the way, just generally hormonal. (machine beeps) (air

whooshing) (alarm beeping) (dramatic music) (door creaking) (dramatic music) (machine whirring) (air whooshing) (machine beeping) - oh robo-Jesus - And where might you be off to? - Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have. (Khan laughs) - Seriously though. - Okay. Okay. You caught me. I need to measure the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door 1 because that's the project I'm working on for school. A big old door, just like my old man built. I wanna join the WDF and hide

behind doors like coward while playing cards and stuff. - Well, we don't just play cards. - Khan, can you grab a fresh pack? We literally only play cards so much that the numbers are faded. Oh, hey Uzi. (Uzi chuckles) (machine beeps) (air whooshing) - Well when you build doors, so good. Good door. Good door. There's no need to fight. Uzi, this is great news. Here, the wrench I use to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes and to put your mother outta your mystery when the Murder Drones got t

o her with their nanite acid. I want you to have it. - Neat. Therapy is fun. - Guys, my daughter is into doors. (all cheering) - Come on. - She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door 1, your door specific destiny awaits. - Wow. Okay. I just gonna leave then, 'cause this worked so weirdly well. Go doors. (air whooshing) (soft music) - They up so fast. (soft music) (Uzi exhales) (soft music) (wind howling) (footsteps thumbing) (Uzi gasps) (creepy music) (dramatic music) (mach

ine whirring) - Oh, and they said pirating all that anime was useless. (dramatic music) (Uzi grunting) (machine beeping) Bite me. (machine beeping) (Uzi gasps) Holy hell. Suck on that, dad. (Uzi gasps) (machine whirring) (machine beeping) (Uzi grunting) (machine whirring) - Did you just slap me with that arm? - Holy crap, it talks. - Yeah, sorry. It's just my head kinda hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little (machine whirring) short for a Disassembly Drone. (soft music) I'm serial

designation N. Nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city. That's not true. Everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part. Biscuits. Well, honesty is the best policy. (N chuckles) I also can't seem to remember the past three hours of my life. No, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out. (eyes beeping) (soft music) - I have to go. (machine whirring) (Uzi groaning) - Stuck yourself. Could just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutral

izes the nanites. Otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. (N chuckles) - And by our saliva you mean Disassembly Drone. - Disassembly Drone. Right. Hey, let's go in that landing pot over there. - Sure. I love doing anything. (N retching) Sweet. (N chuckles) I'm open to new things, I guess - We are never talking about this. - Talking about what? (N chuckles) Consider it repressed. - You mentioned other members of your squad. Are they coming back soon? - Oh, yeah. Two others. They're out

hunting for a bit, but you'll love them. First, there's V. (V cackles) (upbeat music) - No, NO. Please, don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family. (drones screaming) (gunshots firing) (V laughing) - And yet, I still feel nothing. (eyes beeping) - So V, I heard this planet wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight. - Oh God. Who are you? (air whooshing) - No worries, I'm N, but a whole letter is a lot to remember. (N crying) So obviously a lot of mutual re

spect there, but secretly I actually kind of have a crush on her. You can't tell her, okay? (N chuckles) (machine whirring) And then there's J, our leader. (J grunting) - N, you're worthless and terrible. - Thank you. - And if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself. - J's awesome. Hey, let me give you the tour outside of the corpse wall thingies. In here are the buttons. (N whooping) - This isn't just a landing pod, this is a spaceship. This could get us off the planet. - Mo

re of a one use missile. They never taught us how to land. - No I, the Worker Drones, we could work with them to fix this instead of all the murder which... Why are we doing that again? - Other than ingesting their warm, sweet oiled to avoid overheating and dying, I guess I just wanna be useful. I was given a job and I always wanna try my best. - And look at all the respect it's gotten you in. You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead. - Oh my, you

sure are rebellious. It's kind of exciting but not as fun as following the rules. (footsteps thumbing) Hey, they're back. - Yo. - Idiot. Get out here. (Uzi panting) (V laughing) - Yo, we got a worker out there, I kind of wanna practice balloon animal shapes with. What happened here? - Synergistic liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline. (machine whirring) Moron bot. Hello? (machine whirring) - You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers ar

e dead. (machine whirring) - Oh. (machine whirring) (N groans) You know, I left an extremely dangerous weapon, excuse, outside. (machine whirring) (dramatic music) (Uzi panting) (dramatic music) - I am out boys. - Oh, gosh darn. - You're waiting till my loving wife and kids hear about this. (wind howling) (all chattering) - Bite me. Close it. Close it. (machine whirring) - Hey fellas. Ooh, deal me in, I love Rummy. Wait, no, I'm going to murder everyone, raincheck. (machine whirring) (machine be

eping) (all chattering) - I don't actually it's Gin Rummy, so. (machine whirring) (dramatic music) (gunshots firing) (dramatic music) (Braxton panting) - Hey Uzi, I, no one has said my name aloud so far, so I'm just letting you know I'm- (machine whirring) (dramatic music) (Uzi panting) - Pretty nice hydraulics. What have you done. (air whooshing) (dramatic music) - This time I won't miss. (N chuckles) (dramatic music) - I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together but I can't have you shooting

V with that thing. - Bite me. Dad, get down. - Uzi, you led Murder Drone here. My beautiful doors. - Now is so not the time. I messed up, in the same way I'm about to fix it. Move, dad. (air whooshing) (machine whirring) (Uzi coughing) (gun thudding) - Dad, point and shoot. Trust me. (machine whirring) (metal clanking) Dad? (dramatic music) (remote clicking) (machine whirring) - Whoa, N. (metal clanking) - Am I dreaming or did you do something not useless for once? I've been trying to get past

those service for months. Nice working, N. - You, me, name, remember? - These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door. Lowest body count eats a missile. (metal clanking) - Way to go stud, the company's gonna love this. With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter for sure. You know what that means? Branded pens. (N groans) (soft music) - Oh You know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, maybe not so actually different from us Worker Drones, but just o

utta curiosity, do we actually know what the company plans to do with us afterwards? (eyes beeping) - Excuse me. - Okay, so a Worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix up our landing pod to escape the planet and stuff, which whoa, hey, that's against the rules. But it is kind of making me question, why our pods were only one way in the first place? 'Cause you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like we might be robots. I made a terrible mistake. It

's cool how immediately I could tell. - No way, buddy. Questioning the company, you just finally gave me the excuse I needed. (machine whirring) (soft music) - Worker Drones are corrupted N, that's why the company sent us. I hate to see you corrupted as well. - Thanks J. Always looking out for me. You're awesome. (J scoffs) (soft music) Ah biscuits. I'm sorry I ruined your card game that made you have an awkward moment with your dad. - And I made your rebel like an angsty teen which got you kill

ed. Though you also tried to kill me, so morality calls this a draw. (Uzi panting) (soft music) For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history. Was that supposed to be you switching sides? - Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks for showing me the ropes. - Nah, no bonding thing. You just killed a bunch of people, idiot. - That's super fair. I screwed up. - Ugh. In the same way you're about to fix it. (air whooshing) (dramatic music) (N chuckles) (dramatic music) -

I love doing anything. (dramatic music) (N panting) - So they found our evacuation spot but if we build a quick door- (N groaning) - Are you kidding me? You're the WDF, right? Defend. (dramatic music) For real. (V chuckles) (both grunting) (V laughing) - Hey. - Huh? - Put that conventionally attractive male down. - Oh J, you're sometimes kind of mean to me and I wish you weren't. Just some constructive criticism. - Nice. (dramatic music) - Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I rightsize you

r existence. - Okay, which one do you want? - J, please. - Too bad. Good luck. (dramatic music) (Drone screaming) (V laughing) (dramatic music) (gunshot firing) (dramatic music) - Damn the well-made quality assured durability of JC Jensen products. - Huh? (machine whirring) (air whooshing) (dramatic music) (laser beeping) (N screaming) - My mind's in a weird place. Don't read into this. (dramatic music) (machine whirring) (air whooshing) (V chuckles) (both grunting) (dramatic music) - Uzi. I'm s

o so sorry, we're never talking about this. (N retching) - Ew, what the hell. (air whooshing) (dramatic music) (Uzi panting) (J chuckles) - You've got a lot of guts for a barely sentient toaster. I've had prey fight back before but your edgy spirit is just so painful. (J screaming) Ah, God. Fourth quarter profits. Mother of company leadership retreats. (machine whirring) (dramatic music) - One more buzzword and I'll do it. (machine whirring) - Equity partnership. (machine whirring) (all cheering

) - Holy hell, Uzi. That was insane. And you too- - Huh, no. N. I'm an angsty rebellious Disassembly Drone now. (Khan clears throat) (metal clanking) - I brought the Murder Drones here accidentally. You chose to leave me for dead instead of just freaking believing in me. And that's not even an edgy teen hyperbole like when I said it last week. (Uzi sobbing) (air whooshing) (machine whirring) I'll save you the trouble, dad. I banish myself. (machine whirring) Let's go N. Everyone here can bite me

. - Nice to meet you Mr. Uzi. - Shut it. (air whooshing) (both grunting) (dramatic music) - I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me. Hope you're having important character growth or something though. - Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on earth because we are coming for them. (Uzi laughing) (dramatic music)