Namaste Everyone My name is Avanti Nagral I make videos about sex with my grandmother. I know this is a very weird statement but let me explain. I grew up half my life between the US and India and still, I did not have 'The Sex Talk' in school. When I got to know about sex I was about 8 years old. I went to my friend's house this was when I was in the US visiting in the summer they had an older sister and we told her we wanted to learn more about puberty because at the age of 8 years, we were so
curious about periods, and boobs and everything, And she said, 'Actually I learned something even cooler than puberty in class the other day.' And she attempts to draw a diagram on this whiteboard and she explains the basics of sex to us. So we asked, "So they lay together in the bed at night?" She's like "Yeah". "With their underwear?" She's like, "No, without their underwear." And we were freaked out. I mean, we were 8 years old. After that, whatever information I got I got it through the int
ernet or from friends which was not the best thing. And when I turned 12 years old, my mom came in one day. And she asked, 'Do you know about this and that?' And I told, 'Yes, I know.' 'Okay.' And she gave me a book which my doctor in the US had given me. The pediatricians there have resources and books about growing up, sex, periods, and all these things. And the book was talking about sex for 8-12 year olds. And she waited till I was 12 years old to give me the book. I read the book. I underst
ood the biology behind it. But still, we didn't talk about these things at our home. And then flash forward to 10-11 years later when I actually had sex for the first time. In my mind, I thought that sex is a post-marriage thing. I'd heard it like that and at home, we didn't talk about it and so it was implied that you can have sex only after marriage. But for me, when I went to college everyone around me, my friends, were having sex. For me, it wasn't an attractive thing that I want to do it. I
just realized that people have different opinions and approaches towards sex. And it's something that is important to be understood that how do you feel. However you think of it, whether you think of it as something post-marriage or whether you think of it as something that you want to do when you're in love, that was my feeling. Whether it's something that you want to do casually. There's nothing wrong with any of these situations. But, the important thing is that you'll have to know why you w
ant to do it and what is your mind's state towards it. Because sex is not just physical. It's emotional. It's mental. It's physiological. And the things surrounding it that we don't even talk about at home, Consent, Safety, Consequences Information about that is very important, So when I went there, and I fell in love in college and I got into a relationship. And when I was absolutely sure that I'm in love, I felt that I was ready. And my partner had many partners previously. But, he didn't pres
sure me at all, in fact, when I met him and we decided to start dating, my first condition was no sex. I wanted to see if he's with me only for that thing or for something else. And when I'd done it for the first time, it was a very beautiful experience because it was with somebody I loved. And we were very safe because when you go to college in the US there's a module at the beginning of the college in which they give some information about sex ed so you understand all the things related to not
just sex but also harassment and abuse and if you are in any problem, then whom can you talk to, they have hotlines, etc. It's changing a lot but I also want it to come to India because it's super important to have access to those resources so that you have a peaceful mind and you have safety around you. So, my first experience was beautiful. The actual 'first' first was a little awkward because we didn't have any lube. And if you don't know what lube is, lube is lubricant. It's something that
you often use to help make the experience more pleasurable. When I'd done it for the first time, we were safe but I knew that I want to bring more safety. So I started talking to doctors that what options do I have for birth control and I started considering different birth controls. But, I still hadn't told my parents that I've had sex. And one day when they were visiting the US, and I went to meet them. And my mom pulls me aside and after pulling me aside, she tells me 'Avanti I had a bad drea
m last night.' and I was like, 'Okay, what was the dream?' 'I dreamt that you've had sex.' I was like, 'Okay.' 'You are saying whatever.' And she's like, 'No, because I had that dream I've put condoms and all in this bag, take it. I know that we haven't talked about this but, if you ever do it, then be safe.' So I was shy because I thought how can I talk about this with my parents but then I realized that was my opportunity to talk with them. So I sat her down and I said to her "I didn't want to
tell you like this but I want you to know that I have had sex." and it was a beautiful experience and she knew that I was in a relationship at that point, it had been 7-8 months and I told her that we're safe in fact, I'm considering other birth control options as well. So, we talked about all that. She was a little upset but she respected that I'd told her "I know for you, after marriage it is important but for me, love was important" and that was my reasoning and I was very clear of that. Tha
t I don't want to do it casually, that is important for me and she respected the fact that I knew what I wanted. But I thought wait, there's more opportunity for me to talk about this. So I sat her down and I said "You did not tell me about sex, all the information I got was in small pieces from the internet, from college, from here and there, from books." "I wish you had told me." And she said, "Sorry I didn't tell you but I am glad that you know." And I was like, "No'" "It's really important t
hat we talk about this." Because if we don't talk about sex as a result, we don't talk about consent, good touch bad touch, consequences, and everything that comes with it. And then I told her that when I was about 12, I had a tuition teacher who had touched me in a bad way. And I know that if you're listening to this story I'm so sorry if you've also dealt with this but I know that many people will see this and say 'This has happened to me too.' 'or something worse has happened to me.' I'm so s
orry if you've had to deal with a situation like that because it is not okay for anybody to touch you without consent. She said, "Why didn't you tell me?" "If you'd told me at that time then I would've been very angry" and all that. In fact, I'd told them that the teacher isn't nice which is why he left the house but I hadn't told them the reason. She became very upset, and she started crying. And I told her that, "I did not tell you, because I thought that I was doing something wrong. I could s
ense that this is not okay. But I thought that I was doing something wrong and if I tell you or dad then you'll shout at me. and tell me that I'm doing something wrong." We internalize this so much, this shame, because we don't talk about it enough. We say that "Don't touch your private areas and don't let anyone else touch them." But, why? We don't give information about that, in most schools the whole reproduction chapter is canceled. Most people's sex education is done from Porn. And in porn,
it is shown in a very unrealistic way. So I talked about all this with my mom and she understood the importance So I said, "We didn't talk about this at home but it's okay, I'm okay" "But, I have a younger brother." "And I don't want that he doesn't get the information about this." So my brother was studying in high school in the US at that time, so my mom was like, "His school will tell him about that." and I told her, "That does not absolve you of your duty as a parent to still create that en
vironment at home that it's safe to talk about it and it's okay to talk about it." School is another thing but we can't openly talk about it at our home? I'm not saying to go to your parents and say "Oh, I had sex today!" But, you should have information about it. This 'condom' isn't a bad word. A condom is a condom and safety comes along with it. And if you don't talk about consent then then no person from any gender will have that information that it's important to ask for consent in everythin
g in life, but particularly in an interaction like this. So all this talk was done and she understood. Flash forward to 2020 when the pandemic started. I completed my graduation from online Harvard because we had to come back because of the pandemic, and at that time, I started YouTube. And on YouTube, Music of course is my main, but at that time, I started making videos about education. And because we all were at home, I saw that education is not only about Math, education means life skills. An
d the things that we don't talk about, we don't get information about it school, in what other way can we talk about it? So that is why I started talking about Mental Health, Sex Education, and all these things. And I also have a background in it because in college, I studied Psychology and Global Health. And my grandmother, she stays very nearby our house, so she used to come every week and we used to watch a film together and she used to put on a Marathi film. But the Marathi films that she wa
s choosing were amazing. They were about such incredible topics. So I thought, 'My grandmother is very cool.' So I told her one day, "I'll show you a different video today and if you are comfortable, I'll also put a phone on the side to record." She's like, "Yeah, it's okay." So, I showed her the music videos of WAP and Anaconda. And I thought that she'll be shocked but she was so normal about it. Why? Because she was a doctor and all my grandparents are doctors. So for them, it wasn't 'SEX!' bu
t 'sex'. It is a normal part of life and in their practice, many people used to ask them about it. So I showed it to her and it ended up being a conversation about objectification, women empowerment, and it was really powerful! And when I put it on the internet, many people saw it and so many people reached out saying 'The fact that you can talk about this with your grandmother is a huge blessing.' And I agreed. So then I started to talk about periods, sex, and all these things with her because
if I say something, and you're seeing this, whether you are in college, working, or in school, but if I can talk about these things with my grandmother too then you've crossed generations. And you can also show it to your parents. And when I was talking with my grandmother, there's this one statement of her that went viral, I asked her, 'Many people have sex for babies.' 'But, many people have sex for pleasure.' She said, 'No.' 'Most people have sex for pleasure.' 'The outcome is a baby.' "Mostl
y it is for pleasure." "Outcome is baby." She was one of the people, she and my grandpa, they were on the board of the Family Planning Association of India and they would go into rural areas and used to talk about contraception and all these things because again, no matter what it is in life we need tools and resources so that we have information and we can stay safe and this is just the most important thing in life. And you shouldn't feel shameful about it. If we don't talk about it at home the
n where can we talk about it? According to me, in our education system, in addition to what we learn at school, we should have sex education. Not like just calling any doctor on a day and getting it over with. It should be a part of the curriculum and it should be a part of something that's talked about proper education, proper anatomy, so that people can understand this thing. When do we talk about this thing? Before our honeymoon. Why do we talk before that? I can understand if for most people
, marriage is important. But even that is so scary for a lot of people whereas it should be a pleasurable experience. It should be something that can be celebrated and sexuality is also a spectrum. Even if we do talk about it in our sex education, we still talk about the penis and vagina. We need to talk about the varying forms of sexuality the varying forms of sexual orientation. Many people are also Asexual. And it's a huge spectrum and different people associate with different aspects of it.
So it's just important to have a proper anatomy education about it, proper emotional education about it, and proper social education about it so that we can grow as a society. There are 1.2 Billion people in our country. You're telling me that people are not having sex? People are having sex all the time. But, not with proper information. And it's super important that we are educated about this thing, we can talk about this thing, whether it's with our friends or our grandmother, with any other
person so that we can normalize it. Because it's not a big thing that you've talked about sex so you're brave. No. It's like talking about food. And that's how it should be. So I'm grateful that my first sex experience was so beautiful and because of that, I've always had a positive light towards it. But for so many people, their first sex experience is extremely negative. Because there's not enough understanding and for a lot of people, their first sex experience is some form of assault. And I
hope that by talking about it, we change that narrative and more people are safe and are able to experience something that's beautiful.
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