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People Were So Mean! Detangle & Talk

In this video I talk about why my channel is called What The Kink and share some of the mean things I heard while I was going natural. ✨MENTIONED✨ I may receive a commission from purchases made through these links. Thanks for supporting my channel! Curly Hair Solutions Flexy Brush (Official Amazon) https://amzn.to/2ZYLEpc Phillips Flexx Brush (Official Amazon) https://amzn.to/3kvEdPE Giovanni Tea Tree Conditioner (Official Amazon) https://amzn.to/3UdYpcE Hi! I'm Kayla! 💙 I help frustrated naturals simplify their haircare routines so they can do less and get more results. In my content you will find ingredients talk and no-fuss hair tips. Also, all products featured are Vegan as I am a several years Vegan. *NEW!* Join the GEL PARADE community! For $1.99 a month (Just $23.88 a year!), you'll get access to exclusive community posts, the occasional bonus video, custom emojis, and a membership badge next to your name when commenting on my channel. Wave from WITHIN the parade and join today! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCugR5nWtVKNgB9mPLtcbv-A/join 💜SHOP💛 Obsessed | https://obsw.it/whatthekink Kit | http://kit.co/whatthekink Discounts Codes & Links | https://in-bio.io/whatthekink 💜CONTACT ME💛 http://whatthekink.com/ https://www.instagram.com/what_the_kink/ 📧 PR & Collabs ➡️ kayla@whatthekink.com

What The Kink

12 days ago

Hello everyone, Kayla here, and this is What  The Kink, a natural hair channel. Obviously, you see I have the detangling stuff on and out and ready,  so we are going to be doing another detangle and talk. A detangle and talk was not on the schedule  of things that I wanted to film for this month, but something came up to where I was like, you  know what, let me talk about it. Let me actually do a detangling talk about this particular topic.  As usual, the conditioner that I'm using is the Giovan
ni tea tree conditioner, and then the brush  that I am using to detangle my hair is the curl keeper brush. It is a little different from the  unbrush just because I feel like the unbrush has a bigger brush head and a shorter handle than this  has. So, I'm going to link the curl keeper brush in the description box, and I'm also going to link  the Phillips Flex brush, which is the exact same brush they actually used to sell it in the exact  same color as my curl keeper brush. And if you don't like
this color, the curl keeper brush does  come in another color. I think it's like purple or something like that. And then I think they have  a kid's version, which is a little bit closer in appearance to me to the unbrushed that everybody  is all excited about. As usual, everything will be linked in the description box. But what we gon' talk about today? Okay, so I was on the phone with someone recently, and I was really,  I don't know, I was super excited, but I was in good spirits because some
one from another company  that I had met in like a professional group wanted me to speak at their company about DEIJ. So, if  you're in the business world, a lot of talk about diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice. All  of us are like education companies, and so those things kind of matter because, you know, you're  serving these different groups of children and these different families and stuff. And then  also, you want to have a culture inside of the company that respects everyone's diffe
rences and,  you know, basically gives the vibe that everyone is welcome here. My company is really, really  passionate about that, and they show it 'cause some people just talk about it and they don't be  about it, but I'm really happy with the DEIJ vibe at the company that I work at. So, I said a couple  of things in this meeting that I guess this other woman liked, and so she was like, "Hey, can you  just do like a 45-minute talk at our company? We have a meeting, and we would just like for y
ou to  come and whatever." And then she gave me like an outline of how it's usually done. So, a part of it  had stuff about me, right? And so I was like, "Oh, you know what I can do? I can kind of tell a story  because anytime you ask me to speak or anything like that, I do have a background as a teacher.  I'm going to kind of like tell a story and that kind of stuff, you know, because it's engaging."  So, it's like I can tell some personal stories about my personal life and my personal experien
ce  and then tie it to when I first encountered my job and like the whole application process of applying  to my job because from the application, guys, you can see where they're trying to level the  playing field for everyone for the company that I work for. And then so it would be for the person  who's listening to the story, they'd be like, "Oh, that's how the story connects." Oh, you know what  I mean? So it would be interesting. So I'm talking on the phone to someone about this, and I'm  li
ke, "Yeah, and I'm going to tell them my story, and you know 'cause you said at one point that  I needed to do something with my hair 'cause I would be getting a job soon and da da da," and  the person, the whole vibe changed. The vibe changed on the conversation, y'all, and they were  like, "I don't know. I don't think I said that. I don't," and it kind of, the reaction was kind of  a reaction where it was like ashamed that they, that well not even ashamed, but like what I said  that they said,
I guess was really awful. I didn't say it with like a mean spirit or that I was upset  or anything, but what I said they said, I guess they were thinking that's awful and I wouldn't  say something so awful as that. And I think that's where the reaction came from. So I said, "Listen,  first of all, I don't want you to understand that I'm not upset with you. I hold no grudges against  you. I am not mad about what you said." I said you're coming from your point of view and there  are differences b
etween us. There's age, there's generational difference, there's all of this, so  I understand why you may have said what you said because of where it's coming from, and I don't  hold a grudge against you, and I'm not actively upset with you about what you said. It's just  a part of my story and a part of my experience, and so on and so forth, right? But I could still  tell even after the person went on to continue to talk about other stuff, but I could just tell  that exchange they didn't like
that. They were just like, I honestly, if that person could like  tell me straight up, "Don't talk about that in your presentation," I'm sure they would because  they maintain that they didn't say it. But here's the thing, guys, I am a really longtime blogger  turned vlogger, so this is the background of me if you're new to the channel 'cause I get a lot of  new people who are attracted by my newer content, and they don't know some of the backstory stuff  about me. So I actually originally start
ed in the early 2000s, I'm talking around 2009 or so,  as a blogger, okay? I had a blogspot blog, and I was transitioning to natural, and I was  just sharing my experience as I was going natural, and I transitioned for a year and a half, so  there was quite a bit of time. And then also, natural hair was not as prevalent and as accepted  as it is now, so I did get some off-the-wall comments and people just saying all types of crazy  stuff to me when I was going natural. And so what you guys may n
ot know is that's why the username  on this channel and the original name of the blog was "What The Kink" because it was like that's  the kind of reactions I was getting, like "What the Kink are you doing with your hair? Like, you  out here looking wild, like what are you doing?" And so that's why I named the blog what I named  it. I know a lot of people see it and they think it's funny, it's clever, and I think I've even  had people who've seen me comment on other stuff, they think the username
is funny or clever, and so  they click. So yeah, the actual background of that is because I was getting those kind of reactions  to my natural hair. And let me finish up talking about this, but I will go back and maybe tell  you guys some of the other stuff that people have said to me in the early 2000s. Right, so on this  blog, I recorded things that people said in my experiences, all with the intent of just wrapping  it in positivity and telling people, "Hey, press on. You're going to get peo
ple who say stuff like  this. This is how I felt about this situation, but I'm still pressing on and you should too,  right?" And then it became a point where I was blogging and doing videos, and then eventually  with the change of the times, I just started to do videos. My blog is still visible. I'll put it  on the screen so you can see. And then also if you go to my my .com website, the blog is linked on the  website too. So I and I routinely check to make sure my blog is still there and like
it hasn't  been taken down or whatever. It is attached to accounts that I still log into regularly. I just  don't visit the blog site to update or anything. So going back to this person that was like, "I  didn't say that. I didn't whatever," the point I'm making with my blog is that I've been blogging  so long that if you said something that was even lightweight sideways to me at that time, it's  recorded. There are receipts. It is a blog post, it's a video, it's something. There is recorded  re
ceipts of whatever it is if you said something to me. So there actually is a 13-year-old video.  It is not public on my channel. It's a 13-year-old video in which I am crying and bawling my eyes out  about what this person said about what they just told me the other day that they did not say.  And I am telling in the video what they said, I'm sharing my reaction, and again telling  people, "Hey, you're transitioning, other people are not. Keep doing what you're doing, keep  your head up, it's ok
ay." In the video, y'all, I am very upset. I'm crying, girl, I'm crying in  the video. And so I watched the video yesterday and I think it bothered my husband that I was  watching this video because I was crying while I was watching the video. Because how can you watch  yourself be so upset and not cry? Like, come on, how can you watch a video of yourself crying and  not cry too? And he was like, "Because it's over, it's the past." I was like, "Okay, you know, we'll  see. Why don't you record th
e next time you have a breakdown and then watch it?" But anyway, I,  this video is proof that that person definitely said what they said and it had a negative impact  on me. These people are driving by really slow and looking around like they're lost. But it's  like it definitely had a negative impact on me so much so that I definitely remembered it. I, In  addition to remembering it, there's the video, and as I watch the video, like 100%, what I told  them that they said on that phone without h
aving watched the video was exactly what happened in  the video because I remembered it. It had such a big negative impact, right? So it's just, I  think what made me want to come and talk about it is because previously I had a situation with  someone else in the family that was like, "Oh, I guess someone in the family had brought up  this thing to them," and they were like, "No, I don't think I said that," or blah, blah, blah.  And again, there's a blog post on my blog where I wrote the text me
ssages this person sent 'cause  what they did was they sent me two text messages. Basically, there was an event I went to, an  event they didn't like my hair at the event, and they wrote me two text messages. And I  missed the messages because I was busy. So when I got back around to it, I saw the two text  messages. And then I called the person back, and they kind of faked like they wanted to talk about  something else, but then they eventually quickly got to the hair 'cause that's what they re
ally  want to talk about. And so I recorded those text messages even with all the grammatical errors that  were in there and everything. I wrote them as is, directly written the text messages, and then I  gave a synopsis of the phone conversation. Do not tell me you didn't say what you said.  I recorded it. It's written date on it, receipts, right? And by the way, if you're  curious about what they said, it was like, "What happened to my baby? This person is not  my mom, but what happened to my
baby with the good hair? And you've changed. You used to care  about your hair. You've changed." 'Cause suddenly I don't care about my hair. Meanwhile, we're on  a YouTube channel about my hair, about this hair that you don't like 'cause it's nappy. People are  watching me brush my nappy hair now in 2024. Like, you know what I mean? Times have changed. I don't  know if I've changed. I think it's the times. But that's exactly what the person said. Those  text messages. And I actually went back an
d read those too yesterday. I went back and read the blog  post with the text messages or whatever. And bro, it's just as I remembered. This upside down. It's  like something feels weird. The text messages is just as wild as I remember them being. And so like  I have proof that you said what you said, and I don't think people understand that. And I think a  lot of people in my family don't fully understand the blog thing. I don't advertise, even though I  have a cousin named Shanta. Shanta going
to tell everybody about the doggon channel. She going to  tell everybody about the channel. Hey, Shanta, 'cause I know she watching this video. But yeah,  I don't think a lot of them really understand the magnitude and how long I've been doing this. And  that people actually watch it and people actually care about me brushing my nappy hair on the  internet. So like, I don't think they understand that I have receipts. You cannot say that you  didn't say something. You can't. You cannot. And y'al
l, I want to make it clear that I do not  hold grudges against any of these people. I am not angry. I am not pressed at any of these sideways  comments because if I were, I wouldn't be able to come to family functions. I wouldn't be able to  lift my head off my pillow in the morning if I was really still upset about everything that people  said to me in like 2010 or 2011. I am beyond it. I have moved beyond all of it. And I am not upset  about any of this stuff. And I think it's comical because
now ain't nobody saying nothing about  my hair. Now y'all ain't saying nothing. And I don't have to have perfectly done hair. Like, I  literally just took my old wash and go and had it in a puff that I eventually turned into a little  bun. And I didn't brush it or anything. And like, so my hair didn't look bad. But you know, and I  had just wore that for the last couple of days, wearing a cute headband where my outfit allowed.  And like, nobody said anything. Like, 2024, we're so used to seeing
natural hair. And I think  we've established those lines of what is natural and what's unkempt. 'Cause I think those lines  weren't really clear back then. And now it's not a problem. No one says anything to me. I don't  have to have... There was this pressure to have perfect natural hair back in the day. I don't  feel that anymore 'cause no one can like... And no one's going to say anything, right? But anyway,  to briefly share some of the things that people said 'cause people were so mean, y'a
ll. I had  one cousin look at me and say, "Oh, I got it Macy Gray." Like, you know, and those insert name of  whatever celebrity comments are so annoying. Um, I had one cousin say, um, "Is your hair supposed  to look like that? Like, like what were you going for with this? Like this supposed to look like  that?" Um, I had one aunt have a slip. She was talking to me and she was like, "Some people  prefer their hair natural like you" is what she wanted to say, but she actually said, "Some  people
prefer their hair nappy like you." And I just kept going on with the conversation because  I know she didn't know that she said that. So I didn't want to make it awkward and bring  attention to the fact that she had said that. Um, so then there was another situation where a lot of  the children, the principal and stuff, like when I was student teaching, I got a lot of rude stuff  there too. Um, like one kid was like, "Ms. Lee, um, is your hair nappy?" She wasn't asking,  she was telling me that
my hair is nappy. Um, and then I had this other lady that worked there.  I had a different hairstyle. She was like, "Oh, I get it. You got that coarse hair, that coarse  hair." Of course, the misuse of the term coarse. Of course, my hair actually is coarse, but in the  proper use of the word of strand thickness, I do have coarse hair. But still, um, um. And then,  um, I had a principal very unprofessionally say that he had been down to the board of education  and that he said that he had a prett
y student teacher that just he wished she would do something  with her hair. Very inappropriate, mind you. You shouldn't be addressing whether I'm pretty or not.  And you shouldn't be talking to me about my hair and that you don't like it. Um, and then let's  see what else. Oh, a child, I was like, "Hey, you need to get in this line," 'cause the line  had left the classroom. This child was running around the classroom playing and I was still in  the classroom. Um, the teacher had gone out into t
he hall and I was like, "Hey, you need to get in  this line and stop playing." And the girl says, "You need to do your hair." So, and y'all, like,  before anyone thinks, "Wow, so you were out here just unkempt, your hair crazy." Like, y'all,  my hair was not crazy. Um, I oftentimes wore twist and twist-outs. Um, I was very good at that  hairstyle. I followed the Tightly Curly method. So it was styled with conditioner, but it had  good hold 'cause I was using a crazy amount of conditioner. And, u
m, my hair smelled good too. My  hair smelled good back then 'cause it was full of conditioner. Um, and/or I would wear little puffs  that were really neat, y'all. Like, hair brushed into this puff perfectly. The hair coming out of  the puff was never dry or dusty-looking, like, ever. I do have brown hair naturally. If you see  me in person, I do have brown hair, but it didn't look dusty or dry or anything like that. Um, yeah,  yeah, the twist-out was my primary hairstyle then. Sometimes I would
take the twist-out and, like,  style it into other hairstyles and things like that. And then eventually, as I progressed,  I had left this small country town that I did my student teaching in at that point. But  eventually, as I progressed, I became a bantu knot-out and braid-out natural once I learned  how to make those hairstyles work for me. Again, had to change my products and techniques from when  I was, um, relaxed and when I was transitioning. Those products and techniques did not work t
o get  a style that held. So I eventually perfected my craft for different hairstyles. Um, so it's not  like I was just unkempt and just not doing my hair. My hair was definitely done, but people were  just not used to seeing natural hair, so they had these really negative reactions. Um, but I did  want to take this moment just to kind of give some people a background as to why the channel  name is what it is. And then I also wanted you guys to know about some of the crap that I've been  through
. And then I want to keke and giggle about the fact that people really think that they can  tell me that they didn't say something, but I got the receipts. I can confirm that you said what you  said when you said and here's the date. Anyway, guys, I will let YouTube recommend a video.  Maybe my last detangle and talk was a detangling talk playlist. I know you guys really like these  detangling talk videos. I'm not going to link the video of me crying because, you know what, it's  in the past, it
is what it is. Um, I viewed it and I think that's the only person that needs to view  that video at this point in time. Um, but anyways, guys, subscribe. I post videos every week. Um,  or become a member. There's information about the perks and things like that in the description  box. And I will talk to you in the next one.

Comments

@ossier2796

The worst comments that I’ve gotten about my hair throughout the years have come from Black women. When I was young wearing an Afro was a symbol of Black pride. Why do we keep going backwards?

@michellewhite6938

Your hair is gorgeous! It’s sad that our hair is too often compared to our European sisters! I love our hair because it beautiful and versatile. Unfortunately we still have a lot of unraveling and misconceptions to address which is deeper than hair!

@bnp1754

I went natural around the same time. I’m from northern FL. It was hell lol. People made it clear that because I didn’t have “good” hair that they didn’t think I should be natural. I felt like a pariah. I’m not even going to get started on the crazy comments I got from men. I had to cut my hair off because I got a bad reaction from a relaxer. The natural hair community really helped me pull through back then.

@barbaraberry3227

I’m sorry you had an experience like that. Sometimes the people closest to us hurt us the most. Your hair is definitely not nappy. I hate that word.

@monicaDD

This was so relatable but my job experience “improved” because I was working with the homeless. I hope you get the humor in that

@ossier2796

People forget that whatever we post is there for all to see forever.

@0909Yellow

Look how the guides work. You had no idea at the time of recording those texts, that the denial and gaslighting boomerang would return. Rather than the person just acknowledging that their words, and lack of understanding your hair journey was hurtful, they dodged it. 🥴 I’m glad that you were able to stand on higher ground and know you heard, whatcha heard!💪🏾

@CherryBerry383

sorry you used to have experiences like that, i used to get so many from my own family back then. now a lot of them went natural themselves LOL

@nwayoo9559

Love these videos and glad you feel over those hurtful comments. Your hair has always been beautiful. I don’t know if times have completely changed.

@1922mistyblue

Yeah I understand how you feel. Love your talking chill videos.