Prostitution | Stand-up Comedy by Vidushi Swaroop

So all the prostitutes in the house give me a cheer! I come from an extremely conservative small town in Banaras In my area, women treat domestic violence scars as love bites I come from an extremely conservative family We have only two kinds of girls One who wear decent, fully covered clothes And the others are prostitutes It became awkward, so let me ask a lighter question instead Okay? Before I proceed, please remember that you are on my team (Bribed them with a promise of free sex) Yes...I l

ove you guys! But, now I will ask a question from you guys So, all the prostitutes in the house give me a cheer Just me and that guy and this girl All the colleagues came from office My mom thinks that I am a prostitute Is there anyone here whose mom thinks they are prostitutes? How about you, sir? My mom believes I was born a prostitute. She used to say that I never went to anyone's lap without taking money. Even as a child, I used to put a teddy bear on my chest (couldn't find an apt translati

on for "Seene ki Aag" ) My mom used to say that she noticed the symptoms since my childhood Like wearing short clothes Having friendships with boys And having opinions. Sorry for the plug-in, but my mom is soon going to launch her new book "330 Ways to Identify a Prostitute" 330 Ways to Identify a Prostitute (Same but in hindi) The whole third row seems scandalised Trying to figure out whether to laugh or spit on these jokes. I apologize for making things awkward by mentioning "randi" (prostitut

e) in a stand-up show. I shouldn’t have said that ‘Randi’ in a show is very awkward. It looks cute in the comment section though. Someone commented on my photo, "randi kahi ki" I’m like only from monday to friday 9 to 5 pm I do comedy on weekends But the comment was a bit weird It said, “randi kahi ki“ I was like, "We live in the same house, Mom!" I find prostitution very cool, I’ll prove it It's the only profession where there is no discrimination based on experience. They prefer freshers In fa

ct, they look for "kacchi kaliyaan" ( didn’t find translation for kacchi kaliyaan ) Prostitution is the only profession Where an intern can make more money than the CEO. They even get business trips to Dubai But nowadays, people have started using "randi" as a comeback. I was arguing with someone, and I called them an "idiot." They replied with "randi" (which is a valid response, of course) "Randi” - which basically translates as an appreciation of my sex game. What kind of insult is this that a

ctually feels like a compliment? Waah ustaad waah! You have a huge potential You can come to Mumbai! But I really find prostitution cool because it's the only profession Where you can open small startups from anywhere With zero investment. But nowadays it has become too easy to become a prostitute It used to be a lot different Now, all you have to do to become a prostitute is to say "no." If parents force you into their choice of profession, you say "no" and become a prostitute. If you reject a

guy and say "no", you become a prostitute. If you get a divorce after marriage and say "no," you become a prostitute. So, all you have to do now to become a prostitute is to say "no." For example, sir, do you want to become a prostitute? No? Congratulations, you just became one! We are colleagues now. I'll send you my pimp's number. But prostitution is genuinely a cool profession. Just imagine being so good at sex that you get paid for it. The room has gotten so silent People are finding it hard

to imagine. What is that like? It seems like you guys have a pretty bad sex game. My boyfriend stands at the door and insists How these relatives do He insists , “No Vidushi you have to take this money” (Had to repeat because audience gave unexpected laughter, my fav moment) Saying it would be unfair to not pay for such good sex. I have to convince him that it's personal, just let it be! Just let it be! Please see, mom! When Mom comes, adds it to her list, "Found the 330th way to identify..” “a

n in-house randi." Point being, do you guys know Prostitution in hindi is ‘Vaishyavritti’ I didn’t know this ‘Vaishyavritti’ is a word which sounds very similar to ‘Chatravritti/Scholarship’ Chatravritti means that your study and all is getting sponsored So, I thought in vaishyavritti, they are sponsoring your life. Once I saw a headline in the newspaper that said, "Eight girls found doing vaishyavritti/prostitution in Hotel Surya." So, when someone asked me which college I wanted to study in t

he future I’d say "Hotel Surya." Even their girls' names appear in the newspaper But I don't know why they hide their faces. But it's 2023, and we treat (forgot the point) (Just addressing the trauma that I gave to audience) Its 2023 We still treat prostitution as a cuss word. We believe that if we want to insult a girl, we should call her a prostitute Apparently the best insult in the world. But at the end of the day, prostitution is a profession. How can a profession become a cuss word? And if

we have to make a profession a slang term when all the slangs in the world are exhausted So why don't we go with "engineers"? (Sorry engineers but trust me I am one of you guys only) At least prostitutes are getting sex (With my engineering past I know the sad truth about our sex life) They are not putting a green display picture on LinkedIn saying, "Looking for work." (Seriously searching for writing jobs, please DM) They don't stand on the balcony waiting, four clients to come naturally They

aren't learning Java, Python, and 50 other languages like engineers do They’re managing with this(How to subtitle this action! I give up) (Ran away in hurry as my career doesn’t allow going overtime) Once the YouTube video is out please comment “Randi” And this will be our inside joke Then I’ll do a love react on your comments It’ll say “Prostitute” I’ll reply “Yours Truly”