(woman laughing) - I love that. Welcome, my friends, to
another Reacts Raw video where I have no idea
what I'm about to watch. So come with me and let's
find out what it is. People read the last text from their ex. Okay, it's gonna be
really good or really bad. Let's see. - Does not look happy in these photos. And I kind of do. Well, I was really happy. Oh my god, I don't wanna cry. (upbeat music) - Texts From Exes. - [Interviewer] Do you have any
texts from any of your exes? - Yes I do. - Yes I
do. - No, I don't. - Oh, that's deleted. - I do. - Yes. We were in an open relationship
which had been, you know, fine for the almost year
that we were together. You know, we were both very communicative, very open and you know, very accepting and willing to, you know,
discuss whatever was brought up. And one evening he asked me that if he could see someone that,
you know, he had seen again he was like, "Hey, can
I see so and so again?" And it was the first time
where I was like, "No, sorry." W
e like broke up. And I told him, I was like,
cool, just so you know, if you start dating that
person, I'm gonna kill you. And he was like, "Oh, I'm
not even thinking about that. "Like what are you talking about?" You know, and I was just
like, okay, whatever you say. But I just like, let's make
sure I'm establishing this now. And then January came
and he basically told me that he was seeing that person and I thought it would just
be best if we no longer spoke. "Hey, I'm not sure if you
check the
Discord anymore, "but the last session for
my campaign is scheduled "for the night of the 12th. "If you're free, we'd love to have you." The second message was, "Also if you haven't already heard, "that person and I have started
dating as of a few days ago. "I know you expressed that you
would be unhappy about that "if it happened, but I still
wanted to be upfront about it. "I hope you're feeling better "from COVID and I'm looking forward "to potentially seeing you at D and D." "That sounds nic
e and I appreciate
you being straightforward "but I can't lie, I am pretty upset. "I think we shouldn't talk "for a little bit, at least a month. "I'm sorry but I'm genuinely
at a loss for words. "I hope your grad school app went well. "Have a great 2022." - It's so hard when your intuition, or your gut instinct, is right and you just know something is wrong or off and then it comes true. - Having someone who started as a friend, it sucks 'cause I'm like, I'm not only losing a
partner, I'm losin
g a friend. It sucks to throw that away. - I caught my ex cheating on me and then when I confronted
him, he got violent. I realized I shouldn't be
in that situation anymore. So I just packed my bags and left and I never
looked back after that. And for a couple weeks he would
just send me waves of texts. So it was first, "Hey, can we talk?" And then the next day he says, "Please." At that point I didn't
wanna talk to him because I he cheated on me and I just wanted to move on from there. I don't
know how-- - It's interesting, her
voice is shaking and she's in so much pain and usually
when we have that kind of depth of emotion, we can't leave, right? We stay and we stay and we
stay until it gets really bad. But she knew, she just,
and that happens sometimes you just flight as fast as you
can before you can even think think about it. Before you can talk yourself out of it. You just grab your stuff
and you have to go. - I was single at this point and I went on a date and somehow he
found o
ut I went on a date. And so he texted me, "You went on a date with
someone else already. "Ivie, I loved you. "I wanted to fix things "and took time to gather
my thoughts and seek help. "Everything we had, I (beep)." And then in that same day
I felt something was off and then I found his car
in front of my house. "I'm not here for your forgiveness "just my stuff and to
talk it out and move on. "That's it. "I'm making a police report
tonight for stolen property. "I really don't want to, "but you'r
e really forcing my hand here." He said he's going to the police so I wouldn't be able to go to the police to file a report for myself. I kind of felt lost at that point and I didn't really know what to do. I just don't understand why, why someone's learning
experience has to come at the expense of traumatizing others. - Oh, and that happens a lot, right? Where you're in a loving
relationship and when you break up there's so much pain and
you can't believe the behavior of the other person and th
e
way they choose to show up. And I love her phrase, "Why does somebody else's
learning have to come "at the expense of traumatizing others?" Sometimes people are
trying to be traumatizing to the other person to get back at them, to make them feel bad, to
hurt them like they were hurt. And then sometimes it's
not meaning to do so. Either way, it's painful
when we can't get resolution, when we can't say our side, we can't talk it out,
we can't work it out. And there's that, that
cut that's so sud
den. It's like having the rug
pulled out from under us. - As like a younger gay kid, I'd always see like TV shows
of like this guy got matched with like this straight
guy that they didn't know they were gay. And it ended up like kindling into like this fairytale
type of relationship. I'd ended up with a best friend in high school my senior year. It was a nice thing for
me having like a friend and I found myself getting
closer and closer to this guy. And I'd never had like a
really close best fri
end that was a guy. I figured out why because I'd end up
catching feelings for him. It was just really strange because he was a very like
Christian football player, go to church every
Sunday, it was just very like difficult, I guess,
for him to process those like, emotions and like
overcoming of like who you are. So how we would hang out is we wouldn't really like text much. We would just text, "Oh
do you want to hang out?" "Yeah, sure." And then we'd like spend the day together and then that's
how we would
like communicate a bunch, "Hey do you want to go hang
out and get some food?" No response. Like a day past, "Hey man,
is everything all right?" "I don't know man "I don't think we should
be doing this anymore." "Okay, that's fine, "but you're not gonna be pulling
this crap over text again. "You're gonna tell me why to my face." That kind of just led into the in-person conversation
that we had the next day. Cause I know he's still
like figuring himself out. He's still like thinking
a
bout his feelings for me and I just want to be
like, you know, "I love you. "You had this and it
was there, but I'm done "with it," and I just kind of
want to like go on from that. I feel like I really just
like gave up a part of my, like my heart I guess, to someone that really
wasn't ready to receive it. - That happens so often, right? This unrequited love and we give a part of ourselves to that
other person and sometimes they're able to receive it
and sometimes they're not. And it's in their
situation with being gay and not being allowed to have
that love fully expressed and the shame and guilt that goes along with not being allowed to be that person and that relationship
adds a whole other layer. It's so important in our relationships that we are allowed to be ourselves. That we can be fully seen
and heard and understood for the person that we
are giving our heart to to be able to look at us and say, "I see you and I love you." And when that doesn't happen,
it's incredibly painful.
- And then we had like a messy breakup when I
moved away for college. It was kind of something that I did. I confronted his girl best friend because I was uncomfortable
with their friendship. He would tell me like, "Oh
you're just my girlfriend. "Like you're not my best friend
cause she's my best friend." I didn't like that. So I traveled on the Greyhound to see him and the second time that
I came, he stood me up. Then unexpectedly like two years later, I get a text from a random unsaved number
. And it was from him. "I hope you're doing well. "I don't wanna take too much of your time "but I need to let you know "that I'm in the process of applying "for a job and they're doing
a background check on me. "They requested your information. "So I gave it to them "and they will probably call or email you. "I know this is random "but I still thought I should
let you know in advance." "Yeah, okay. "Why would they ask for my info
in the first place though?" He responded with, "During
my backgro
und interview "they asked about my last relationships. "And since you were my last serious one "they wanted your info. And then I responded with, "Oh okay. "LOL. Yeah, no worries." And then right after that he sent me this three
paragraph long message about how he wanted to
get stuff off his chest and basically kind of
apologize for everything. And honestly, I really
wanted that closure. That's why I like rode
on the Greyhound twice, 300 miles one way and never got it. So it was the closure that
I needed two years ago, but I'm finally getting it. - [Interviewer] Do you have
any photos or videos of-- - What I love about this is because I'm such a huge
advocate for people listening to their intuition and that gut instinct. She knew something was wrong,
she tried to figure it out. She didn't know what it
was, but something was off. She could feel it, she knew it. And to have this validation come, even though it was two
years later, it's still letting her know that her
calibration was corr
ect. I see so much in relationships where
somebody's doing something off to the sides and when their partner finds out they say, "Oh no, no, it's nothing. "It's not what you think it is. "You're wrong, you're wrong,
you're wrong, you're wrong. "Your intuition is wrong,
your gut is wrong." If we believe that, if we think
that our calibration is off and we try to adjust it accordingly when it wasn't broken to
begin with, it wasn't off, it was right on. It can be very damaging. I know in one of my
past relationships that was a thing that really
stuck with me the most and the most painful
thing that I had to heal through was my anger at my partner telling me that
my intuition wasn't right. I knew something was wrong. And so I love that for her, even though it's two years later, she got that validation that says, no, your intuition is calibrated correctly. You do know trust that,
trust that instinct trust that gut, trust that intuition, not just in relationships but in life. - [Interviewer]
Photos or videos of when you guys were together. - Like I'll have
notifications and I'll see like memories or highlights
and it's like Disneyland 2018. - [Interviewer] What goes
through your your head? - How blind I was. 'Cause he does not look
happy in these photos and I kind of do. Well, I was really happy. As like time went on, he kind
of, his smile kind of faded. Oh my god, I don't wanna cry. - She actually slid into my DMs. She was a follower of me
previously from my social media and it wa
s just a really toxic
relationship from the start. She became friends with
another one of my friends and she added her on
her personal IG story. And I guess she was out one night and basically she was
making out with a guy and she posted it on
her close friend's story and she posted it on her
close friend's story obviously because I wasn't on there. But I guess she forgot that she had my friend,
who I've known before her. My friend screen-shotted it and showed it to me and was like, "Are you guy
s good?" I sent three question marks just 'cause I wanted to see what she would say. And then she was like,
"Hi babe, you okay?" I could either play
into this or I can just send you the screenshot
and make you feel dumb. So that's exactly what I did. I just sent the screenshot
and I said right after "So this is what you do on
your private stories, huh?" "I'm sorry. "I was honestly so drunk. "I forgot to tell you that
I made out with a friend. "This week has been so F'd up "and I needed to get ou
t and have fun. "I know I F'd up. "I'm so sorry." And so I said, "How do
you forget to tell me, "but post it on your private story? "Did you forget that you had my friend "on your private story?" Dot. Dot. Dot. And then this is where
it gets interesting. So she texted me, "I'm
gonna try to convince him." And I was like, "That
wasn't meant for me." And I said, "Oops. Yeah,
you're for the streets. "Bye." (woman laughing) - [Interviewer] Have a new
relationship soon in the future or are you sort of
waiting
and taking your time? - I'm waiting, taking my time. Focusing on me. You know, it's all about me. I'm in a relationship with myself. - I love that. - I'm in a relationship
with me, with Heisler. - Yeah.
- Nice. - I love that. First, be in a relationship with yourself. Then you can look to having a partner. And if you are in a
relationship that isn't working, communicate. Instead of going to the cheating route, whether it's emotionally
or physically, communicate. Give the other person th
at respect to say, "Hey this isn't working for
me and I want something else." Or, "This isn't working for me. "Can we work on this?" And then go from there. But let's get into this place
where we can have respect for each other in our
relationships and be able to talk about it instead of just going
behind each other's backs and breaking up in this
really gross, toxic way. Thank you again for joining
me in this raw reacts video. This has been your Rae of Sunshine. I will see you in the next video
. (upbeat music)
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