S4E35 | "Jean Eisenhower - MK ULTRA & Autism, Mind Control in Hollywood, Accessing Alters, & T.I.’s”

heavenly father today we put on the full armor  to protect us against attack we put on the belt of Truth to protect against lies and deception  we put on the breastplate of righteousness to protect our hearts from The Temptations we put the  gospel of peace on our feet to walk in your light Peace and Freedom with the Holy Spirit we rebuke  anxious thoughts we take up your Shield of faith for protection to block and destroy all the darts  and threats thrown at us by the enemy we we put on the hel

met of salvation to cover our minds and  thoughts reminding us that we are children of a mighty king we are forgiven set free saved by the  blood of Jesus we take up the sword of the spirit your living word that has the power to demolish  strongholds in a sharper than any double-edged sword we come to you Lord in prayer daily in  Jesus mighty name we pray amen what's up you guys welcome to the imagination I'm your host Emma  and today I'm honored to have back on the The Show by popular demand mi

nd control educator artist  writer and author of the book rattlesnake fire A Memoir of extradimensional experience MK Ultra  Survivor and targeted individual environmentalist artist business consultant award-winning  journalist and activist working for the healing and human rights of Mind Control subjects  Jean Eisenhower it's an honor to have Jean back on the podcast as it's been over a decade since she  last spoke up and released a three minute video on YouTube about mind control and her abuse

and  as it went viral she began to experience online and real life sabotage for speaking out her  book rattlesnake fire also details her story as a victim of trauma based mind control being  a targeted individual and so much more and it will be linked in the show notes below for you  guys to all check out you can actually get a sign copy from her website which is really really  special I know how special it is because I have my own sign copy right here in case you missed  Jean's first episode w

here we told part of her testimony here's a little recap of her life Jean  was born into a multi-generational trauma-based mind control freemasonic and military family and  was placed into MK Ultra from birth it wouldn't be until she was older when she'd realized she  was a program multiple who was leading a double life and ever since she's been piecing together  the story of her life while combating the Warfare involved with being a targeted individual and  a Survivor Jean discussed some amazin

g parts of her story last time including her family and  upbringing programming tactics that were used against her as a young girl and woman UFOs MK  Ultra Y2K and electric mind control and so much more that episode also will be in the show notes  and I encourage you guys to all go check that out check out that episode as well this time around  Jean will be expanding on her story in MK Ultra and as a targeted individual and you'll get an an  even bigger insight into the unbreakable Spirit of a S

urvivor Gan is not only an overcomer of  things that were meant to destroy her but she stands here today with a heart full of love and  an unimaginable passion to make the world a better place Gan is not only kind and loving but she is  an exceptional Storyteller who makes listening to hard things palatable entertaining and even funny  at times she's a bright and Brilliant speaker and an eloquent and beautiful human being and I can't  wait for us all to learn more about her today but before I fi

nish introducing Our Guest I wanted to  give a quick reminder that if you're a Survivor or whistleblower who wants to share your story  on the imagination or who wants to share any information privately with me you can email me  at imaginab betterworld2010 gmail.com you can also support me on substack at www.mac cine.com  where I'm taking up journaling as an outlet for me to reflect on the podcast guests and my advocacy  work and all of my Social Links including my sub stack are in the show note

s and I can't thank  all of you enough for your unwavering love and support of this show and every incredible guest  we have the honor of listening to so you guys without further Ado please help me in welcoming  today's guest of honor content creator Survivor Overcomer author podcaster voice for the voiceless  anti-child abuse activist hero for all children survivors in TI Warrior and absolute sweetheart  Jean Eisenhower Jean thank you so much for being here with me today thank you Emma and you'

ve made  me almost cry um thank you for highlighting the efforts that I've tried to make in our world um  yeah thank you you're welcome you're amazing work you do for all of us it's so important because  we have been forced into hiding pretty much and we've been isolated by um lies told about us in  our communities and um it's been a a pretty hard road to uh to walk pretty much Alone um so anyway  as you said I did grow up you know I was born into this family um with military Mormons Masons and 

Hollywood in my parents um lives and um as we know the CIA began doing mind control experiments  in the' 40s and I believe that was absolutely directly related to the Nazis being invited into  the United States under Operation Paperclip in the 40s and um most people don't know that the CIA is  filled in a large majority with Mormons and so the Mormon church was also involved and um my mother  was a fallen away Mormon but she did take take me to the Mormon church every now and then out of the  b

lue she didn't make my siblings go but she took me and uh there were some really disturbing events  but in the interest of moving forward because one thing I totally skipped over um when I tried  to give a huge overview of my life last time we interviewed and I think that part one did really  well cover it but for some reason you know my mind just skipped over two really years that I think um  say a lot so when I was about six years old there was a really strange experience of my mother just  su

ddenly dressing me up and we got on a train and we left behind my father and my three younger  siblings who were three and a half 2 and a half and 9 months old and later on and I was so happy I  mean I've had a love of trains all my life because this train trip with my mother was the first time  she ever spent any time with me I was left alone in my bedroom alone for my entire childhood all my  earliest memories are of listening to the adults and wishing I could go out and be with them but  I co

uldn't they would I was just there had been some sort of training that I knew I didn't leave  my room so I had books and puzzles and games and crafts endless variety always coming through but  no time with my mother I was the oldest so I was just alone and so finally suddenly we're on a  train years later I said why did we go on that train trip I knew that we went to Albuquerque  and she said oh I went to we went to see my my aunt she did have an aunt in Albuquerque but why  in the world would w

e leave three young kids well the next memory that I have is of being dressed in  a pretty little party dress in an Air Force hanger this big hanger filled with desks and military  men that I think I recognize now as Air Force and facing a man at a desk and another man comes  up from behind looks back at me looks at the man in the front and says pretty one and that's about  all I recall I believe that a bunch of us MK Ultra children were being um just brought in and it  was our first introductio

n and then I have no other memories no memory of coming home with my  mother no memories at all but I figured out it was about that time that I began having sexual  dreams sexual nightmares and um and just a lot of nightmares started and um but I don't remember  there was a memory that could have been this year could have been the next and that was of standing  in front of a an easel with four little paint jars in front of me and I was told and and we were all  told to paint and I'm watching all

the other kids paint and they're just busily painting and I'm  just stuck and the this one very authoritarian woman says oh and I've always had a a bad reaction  to women with German accents she goes paint and I said I don't know what to paint and she says paint  a tree and I remember having this attitude and going okay I'll paint a tree and I painted a tree  that oh I still have I should have brought it out it leaned about 45 degrees over and it was edged  in black and black wind was flowing b

y and black leaves were blowing by by and the clouds the sky  was black and everything was black with a little bit of green in there and I just remember going  there I'm done I painted a tree so I think that that was in that year and then I don't remember  anything else and then my next memory is waking up at home and I'm in my own bed and there's  something thrilling about being in my own bed and I get up and I run into the kitchen and I tell  my mom I'm a awake and I've been asleep for a long

long time and I remember she very coldly just  looked away and says no you haven't you were just asleep at night and I remember right then going  oh my mother lies I know that my mother lies now and so that was the end of that memory um and I  might have been gone and come back again because my next memory is of summer vacation so this or  it could have been the whole year I I don't know I don't know what what happened at Christmas I  should study my own um Family Photos a little bit better but

um then when I was seven years old and  my birthday is in July so it was the summertime my parents we all visited my grandmother in venise  California and then the family left without me and I was really confused I asked why and they  said oh we just want you to out time with your grandmother well that's kind of stupid because my  grandmother and aunt lived together my grandmother owned a restaurant and they didn't need to have  a seven-year-old with them especially since my aunt was a single mo

ther with a child a little  older than me so she's a single mom living with her mother they and they both are working in this  restaurant full-time or even more than full-time didn't need a seven-year-old around so what  was that about well um I did have a nightmare one of those nights that was so extreme that my  grandmother continued to tell the story like into my 40s about the time that I woke up the whole  household screaming um so I don't know what that was about but they took off and I hav

e no memory  of my parents or my mother or anybody coming back to get me but before memories end one more thing  happened at the restaurant um my grandma my aunt taught me how to make change so at I was really  Advanced um mentally and at age seven I I could ring up um customers tickets and I could make  change I knew how to round up with the pennies to the nearest nickel how to round to the next  quarter how to give enough quarters to the next dollar and I made change and everybody was you  kno

w would would say wow what a brilliant little girl you are so um that was making me feel great  and um and I was pretty obedient was very obedient they told me to sit there I sat there so I didn't  bother them too much but before my mother left there was a really interesting experience with  my grandmother I believe that my grandmother was one of the earliest mind control subjects from way  back um there's a book called The control of candy Jones she predates the 40s at least early 40s but  my g

randmother every single lunchtime and anybody who knows anything about restaurant management  lunches are super busy the owner the manager is available but my grandmother for some reason  she had this relationship with this businessman who had helped sponsor her getting the restaurant  started she would sit and we would all play Jim Ry she would put somebody else in charge of the  restaurant and they would never bother her and we would play Jin Ry until this man showed up in the  doorway and the

n my grandmother would put down her hand she quit speaking mids sentence and she'd  always be sitting on the outside and she would stand up and walk directly to him and then walk  away and um she did that every single day and I remember this especially well because my mother  commented on it my mother seemed to strongly admire the fact that her mother had this man who  had set her up in business and this restaurant was attended by all the movers shakers and Van eyes uh  lots of service clubs wer

e you know would come to this restaurant her restaurant was super popular  at lunchtime there was a line you know waiting to get in all the time so anyway um one day we'd  seen that happen a couple days and then one of those days my mother decided that she wanted to  know this man and she wanted to introduce me to this man but she wasn't supposed to that man was  coming to meet my grandma mother and they were going to walk and my mom said she she was looking  as if she just was so admiring the s

ituation and she said she never says what they talk about I  think that he was programming her he was giving her a daily update in her programming um because  my grandmother had been widowed during the Great Depression she was an itinerant Farm worker her  husband was an itinerant construction worker and and her husband my grandfather was gruesomely  killed in a construction accident and then here she is Great Depression two kids and what does she  do so she ends up renting a little place in um

in California which then these wealthy businessmen  who had an empty building they didn't know what to do with otherwise because everything was going  closed they rescued her and she Kind of Rescue them she put a restaurant with on conference rooms  outdoor seating an extra door just for the bakery a big huge operation and my grandmother Managed  IT she she did really well and so my mother was so admiring of this relationship that she had with  this wealthy businessman that my mom talked about i

t she just admired the fact that there was this  discipline and my grand mother would walk straight toward him and they would disappear for a walk  down the road and then they would come back and she would never say what they talked about well  it was odd enough that I've remembered it my whole life and only now after having experienced  mind control do I put some meaning on this oh that makes total sense if my grandmother had become  a mind control subject so um she decides she wants to introdu

ce me to this man so she goes real  quickly get up get you know and so we both scoot out of the the site the booth she grabs me and  pulls me up and just as they were turning around to go my mother interrupts and and just wants to  meet him and introduce me and he just looked at her and he looked at me like I can't believe you  are interrupting our thing and he just turned and walked away and my mom and I just stood there I  remembered it Mom seemed a little perturbed but then we went back and s

at in the booth and that  was all but it was strange enough that it stuck in my head all my life so I think my grandmother  was a very very early mind control subject and anybody who's interested in learning about the  earlier versions the CIA control of candy Jones is a really interesting book to read and it helped  me understand my own grandmother so anyway that was a summer vacation soon afterwards um I had  no memory no memory certainly of my family coming back to pick me up and then sometim

e later I don't  know when it was but I'm presuming it was before the next summer I remember being in the back of  a sedan with four I'm assuming military men men with very short haircuts in khaki all dressed  exactly the same in khaki and I'm in the middle of the back seat with two men on either side of  me and I'm looking at the two men in front of me and I have a toy on my lap that had been given  to me and it was this little pressed tin thing painted it was a little sitting up beagle with  a

crank on the side and when you cranked it and let go it played how much is that doggy in the  window and I just remember thinking how glad I had this dog because I was out of my body with  a sense of betrayal I had no words for this I was only eight and I just didn't even know what  to say or think about it and then we pull up in front of my house when the man slides out opens  the door and I climb out of the car and this is the very first time that I have approached my  house from the front I'

d always been in the family car we drove in the driveway and we went in the  kitchen door and now here I am and they're just acting like go to your house and I just remember  so well the first experience of walking across the easement grass to the sidewalk and walking  up the sidewalk like a guest and just feeling disoriented and this shoved down sense of rage and  betray and I don't know if I knocked or walked in the door but I do remember showing my mother the  little dog they gave me what els

e did I have to talk about or to say and um she took it from me  and the next day she said I never had a dog like that so you know they're starting the gaslighting  none of my memories are real I did not have this dog nope nope you never had anything like that so  I guess she wanted to separate off my memories of having been brought home by these military men so  that's all I remember from two years so I remember my Preschool teachers I remember my kindergarten  teachers I have no memory of my f

irst or second grade teachers and then I remember my third grade  teachers again so I'm pretty sure I was gone from my home not consistantly constantly but for some  good periods of time in first and second grade um I did go back to my old grade school with  every intention of seeing whether they had my school records I went all the way back to mered  and I went to my grade school and I was parked in front of it but it was really late on Friday  and it could have been part of mind control but I

sat there just feeling like I shouldn't go in I  shouldn't go in I shouldn't go in and I just and I kept thinking of all the reasons to not go in even  though I wanted to go in and then it was after 5: and IID missed my window because I couldn't be  there till Monday so anyway that was odd then that summer all of a sudden we're going to leave  our simple little Bungalow small house and we're going to move to a nice big home and I've heard  this from other people like Anne Diamond talked about it

she's has a good book about mind control  also and um they're giving my parents a beautiful custom home and so I remember going we the whole  family drove over and back and it turned out that the home didn't get finished until late September  or maybe even October and oddly the school also wasn't finished it um never had didn't have  the cafeteria finished till partway through the semester but we I eventually did get into  the school and I have a lot of memories of it and mostly I remember bein

g unable to talk to the  other kids I just did not know how to socialize at all my mom had not interacted with me um my  siblings were very very young and then I went to this crazy mind control two years of Amnesia  and so I'm on the playground standing near a wall just watching the other kids while teachers  are going go out and play go out and play and I'm like what does that mean I'm watching these kids  and I'm seeing like hand motions that mean nothing to me and I'm seeing them interacting

with each  other but it's like I just I don't know how to talk to other kids I don't know what to do and um  there's this crazy event where I'm under pressure from the teachers to go out and play with kids  but I don't know how to play with the kids and so I'm watching these I'm just watching my my method  was to watch and copy but everything is so subtle and it so ran and it doesn't repeat I'm really  good at playing games really good at following instructions because they all have rules but th

e  playground there's no rules oh and I could play jacks with kids and jump rope and tether ball  I could play any game but just to be with other kids no idea at all so I'm just watching waiting  for something to be repeatable and then I saw one thing that one girl did that was really clear and  she got a really good response so I thought okay I'll go try that so I went out and I stood about  10 feet stand about 10 feet away from the other kids and what the girl had done was probably  related to

something silly they'd been talking about and what she did was she pin wheeled her  arms around like that and she ran into the crowd and made everybody burst away and laugh and it  was just hilarious and I thought well okay it' be nice to have my first experience be something  that go well so here these kids had not been interacting with me at all and suddenly I come  running in pinwheeling my arms and they all just separated and looked at me like what's that so it  didn't seem to be successful

so I went back and I stood against the wall just determined to keep  watching until something made sense so that is how totally unprepared I was for social iing and  I think my whole entire life I've been trying to catch up I mean I remember watching from the  sidelines in kindergarten and teachers telling me to go play and I'm like what's that I don't  know and I remember doing the same thing when I was 38 years old and I was starting a business  I I went to the networking meetings and I stood

on the edges and I watched people and I you know  I'm older so I I knew how to dress and I barely knew how to introduce myself and I didn't know  much more than that so anyway that has put me on the autism spectrum I never had that word  applied to me ever until I was in my mid 60s and then I suddenly realized oh my goodness this  totally fits me it's kind of nice to have a have some explanation for how I've been so weird um  but anyway that was I'm getting away from it but that third grade was

really significant I just  realized I didn't know how to how to play when I had children and they said mom come play with us  I said the words I don't know how to play I was I did my best as a mom but it wasn't natural for  me at all I had not had good mothering to teach me how to do anything to make it natural anyway so  um anyway third grade we're in a brand new house and um we didn't get in until around October  and my mother had her heart set on having a big huge social whoopy do because th

ey are going  from being an average family to being a family with connections now because I had been I was a  mind control subject my main Handler I don't know whether we should call them owners or whatever was  a very power powerful man in the Mormon church and in Congress and so I don't know if I was destined  to be a DC uh mind control subject like Kathy O'Brien but I did have a congressman who  was my main controller and his cousin was my pediatrician and I Nam the names in the  book part of

me is was afraid to say these names again so people can look it up if they  want it's it's online somewhere um so my mom was looking oh and Not only was our house  in this very nice neighborhood but I believe that the corners of our Lots had Corners  touching so we could just go kitty corner out the backyard and we would go enter the  backyard of this congressman who would the next year be Eisenhower's Secretary of  the Interior so um yeah Eisenhower was in office uh he he was elected or nomina

ted to the  presidency the same day I was born so this is just about the end of his term um and he was in  office then so anyway um my mom is very thrilled to be making these connections to powerful people  and so she plans this Christmas party and I had been talked to about bragging I knew what that  word and that concept were and I'm noticing she's on the phone bragging she's telling everybody  how he's going to be at the party and you know getting it so it's a big big deal and finally the  da

y of the Christmas party comes and we children were supposed to stay in the children's den and  they were going to be in the living room and and family room and the little kids the little girls  were wanting out they hear all this hubub out there in this party and all these people talking  and my brother and I could not keep the door shut and keep the two little girls away and so the  door's opening closing and opening closing as we're fighting trying to keep the little girls  inside which was o

ur job and finally one of the adults on the other side open it up and goes oh  let's let him out for a little while and so my mom said okay 5 minutes only 5 minutes so the all the  little kids go running out and I'm the older very obedient you know eight-year-old following after  them looking at all these adults up above me and my other siblings have scattered so you know I'm  I wasn't ready to go out but since everybody else did I wandered out there and next thing I know I  see my Doctor Who's

the cousin of the congressman I see a man I've never seen before and they  are both talking to my father so I just say hi to my doctor and he says you know cheerful  hello to me and my dad is beaming everybody's beaming because the house is beautiful and this  party is successful and the congressman is there and then I said something that was it ruined  our entire lives I said that well my father oh it's so sad I don't I part of me is afraid to  tell this story too I feel like I'm telling this t

errible terrible story on my family but I told  the doctor something that one of my parents was doing to me so I'm going to protect I've just  decided I'm too nervous to tell the details but but I said that one of my parents had done  something to me I didn't know it was wrong I didn't know it was it was illegal I didn't know it  was probably against their contract with the CIA but I just blurted it out and I blurted it out  loud so that everybody in the party could hear it and there's only one

meaning to this  and it is a crime and I don't remember anything else but I know what I said  and at the time I didn't know it was bad but now I know it was a crime and  it was probably a violation of their contract and I don't remember anything else and  then next thing I know my mom is unpacking the kitchen cabinets and we are moving to Scottdale  Arizona or Paradise Valley Arizona which is a suburb of Scottdale later on I um or just actually  recently a couple years ago I was finishing up or

I was just diddling around on ancestry.com to  see what my mother had put on there about our ancestors I have become very interested in who  my ancestors are and um so I was just wandering around checking it out and this thing jumped a  little menu jumped down and says hey you have new cues and you know check out the newspaper  stuff the old old newspapers so I had seen there were there just were some articles that looked  interesting that had my family in them they all seemed too complex to abs

orb much and know what  to do with right then so I got my fingers over the the things to do a screenshot so I had my  fingers over the control and the three and I'm ready to hit this other button so I'm doing  a scroll look at the next photo um screenshot scroll look at the next screenshot screenshot  screen and then here's one that says police and something something records so I'm thinking well  of course it wouldn't be the police but you know other court records so I go through and I just  hi

t the screenshot and the thing disappears but I screenshotted it but I hadn't screenshotted the  whole article I had it gave you options you know and I was kind of going for the photos and I got  a picture of my mother that looks like it's taken in a police station with blinds behind her and  the look on her face is just freaked out and I need to somehow go back and do a little bit more  research I haven't had the time for it but I they might have ended up in the police station the  night of our

Christmas party I don't know maybe it was the next day but she was in this robe um  she had a really beautiful quilted Rose printed jacket that she wore in in the evenings before  bed and she was wearing that in the police station with this stricken look on her face I might have  found one of my father but see I have people who are watching me online all the time and occasion  things will just suddenly change where it's like they did something so I think that they hid me  from that and they wer

en't as fast on the gun as I was I just happened to be ready to do those  screenshots just by accident and so um I'm not exactly sure what happened but I do know that  we had to move so my parents had been so happy they had made it in this neighborhood with a  congressman as our neighbor and and suddenly and suddenly it was all taken from us and we  were instead moved to Paradise Valley Arizona suburb of Scottsville Arizona and I think that  there were a lot of Mind Control subjects there and I'

m kind of assuming assuming that if my  parents had done something that interfered with my mind control then they probably took me out  of one program they probably put me in another program that was going to require some other  sorts of care um management because what they had planned had been screwed up by my parents or  one of my parents so um that Christmas party just changed our whole lives and we we had to move  so we were gone um the summer that I turned nine then we we came back anyway t

hose that's the  the two years that I left out can I ask you real quick about your parents what did they do for a  living and then were they test subjects to nmk ultra I think there's a very good chance they  were my father was a veterinarian and my mom was a stay-at-home mother and um so my dad had  access to drugs and the the mind control people often make sure that they have enough doctors  among them to have access to drugs and stuff um and my father had been um his his mother had  well they

they he had been born on a farm in Missouri not really a farm his his father was  a veterinarian who who was just a large animal veterinarian taking care of all the farmers and  ranchers horses and cows and all and um and then when he moved he lives Missouri and he moves  to Hollywood and he became the veterinarian to all the pets of the movie stars and to Ren  Tintin I don't know if you're yeah you know Ren Tintin he was he was my my my grandfather  was his veter was the vet who took care of r

tin and we have one of those Studio photographs  of Rin Tintin with a pop print on it that's among our family stuff um and there were and my  grandfather was somehow able to accumulate so much money that he kind of he um became sort of a  unofficial Banker he made loans to people to get homes and um and they had a very beautiful  house my father described being two stories tall and you walk in the front and there's this  twostory Atrium and you can see the hallway all the way around it that goes

to all the different  bedrooms and they used to have different stars um visit the home and there was who was the actor  who played some famous cop just the facts ma'am whoever that guy is he was [Music] also a a  cartoonist or or an artist who did cute little cartoons and my cousin's family owns a number of  pieces that he had just drawn casually but they're great showing different members of the family and  they're around a pool table and one person Sayang something funny to another and it's t

his whole set  of four that are are really nice by this you know famous man that most people know as an actor and  I feel stupid right now that I can't remember his name but I get I gather from that that we had  movie stars in the house so um when my father was only six or seven my grandmother thought  that he could be as she told me I remember in my youth she told me that my dad she thought  could be another little Jackie cougan now for those who don't know Jackie cougan was that cute  little b

oy uh during the Great Depression who sat next to Buster Keaton um he had a little cap on  they didn't talk it was like silent films and he was just a cute little boy who followed Buster  Keaton around um in these silent movies so she thought that my dad was cute enough to also be a  Child movie star well that little boy he always looked really sad well guess who he grew up to  be he grew up to be fester in the Adam's Family in a closet with a light bulb stuck in his mouth  that was little Jacki

e cougan an obese sad man still being treated like [ __ ] in the you know  in Hollywood in a closet with a light bulb in his mouth and they'd take out the light bulb  and there'd be some funny little line they'd stick the light bulb back in his mouth that was  Jackie cougan when he grew up so but everyone thought he was so cute the way he was so sad so  my grandmother wanted my dad to be that and he um and so we have in our family possessions um a  catalog of child actors and I'm afraid that tha

t catalog was also for here's children to abuse  their parents are willing to turn them over to you and so there's a cute little picture of of  him in a Tweed cap and gorgeous brown eyes and long eyelashes and so he got selected to be  in a play that I've never been able to find online dad said the name of the play was the  little boy in the apple tree never found any record of it anywhere online and I said so what  did you do in that now dad never wanted to talk about the military or about his

time as a child  actor never wanted to talk about it but over the years I've listened to different people ask  him and he always just kind of like went dull dead dropped his eyes said as little as possible  tried to change the subject but I do know that when he got back from six months away from home  during which he was presumably traveling with this group of actors what he said what he did was  he said he was up in the apple tree and he could move around a little bit but he had no lines he  di

d nothing he just sat in a tree and um I don't know if that's real or if that he just totally Ed  that but he came home a stutterer and he stuttered for 2 years afterwards he was terribly terribly  traumatized from this and uh so he could have now this is way back he was born in 25 so when he  was seven years old that would have been 1932 um I forget what I was going to say about it but  the stutter excuse me the stuttering I forget what were you going to say about hisu yeah um yeah  I don't kno

w what Mor I was going to say about that but let me just kind of I know that there's  more to go here okay so oh yeah so I don't know if he was being mind controlled oh yeah I was  going to say it's way before they started MK Ultra in the 40s so this would have been some  early early time but in case people don't know this mind control has been practiced in Europe  for hundreds of years if anybody want I've got to um I summarize the story of P Hardwick on my  website he is the most famous person

to have ever asserted being mind controlled and this is in the  1600s and it it was and it actually went to court and very credible people testified on his behalf  um he had actually been thrown into prison for doing a crime for his control ER and people were  testifying about against the controller saying he controls him we have watched him you know program  him and we've watched P change personalities and suddenly do things and um anyway the there was  a trial and then it was appealed P was i

n prison P gets out there was another appeal it was a  very long involved thing but because it went to court it's the best documented mind control with  excellent witnesses that goes back back hundreds of years so the fact that this was in the 30s  not in the 40s is really not significant this been practiced for a long time and we've heard  about um zombies I believe that was also a kind of mind control that was being done in another  culture so um it's possible that my I think it's probable tha

t my dad was mind controlled um  through the Hollywood thing and then he goes into the military and there's a good chance he was um  subjected to more mind control in the military my mom wrote you know I said she was into genealogy  so she wrote up a little paragraph for each of them and her work and one of the details about  my dad was that in the Navy he was in carrier aircraft Service Unit number 33 and one day I  just looked that up casu 33 and oh my goodness there is a whole big Discussion

Group about how  the details about casu 33 they they'll have the group The casu they'll have the ships that they  worked on they'll have the ports that they were in and all of those for every other casu is  completely coherent with the history and records of the ports and the ships there's they all match  but not C u33 it seems to have been faked to look like it is leg legit but nothing matches you go  to the ports you go to the ships and none of it matches so I'm pretty sure that c u33 was prob

ably  a mind control program and they love significant numbers like 33 so I think the chances of my dad  being a mind control subject are excellent um as for my mother she was 8 years old when her father  died and her mom became a widow and and was having a hard time continuing with her migrant farm work  at the same time of having two young girls so she moved to Phoenix for a little while and then to  uh different parts around La being near family who could take her care who could help her take

  care of her kids and for a significant period of time her two Mormon cousins took care of these two  little girls and then her mother was and then she did really well with a little bit sidewalk kiosk  type of business that she had she was a baker and instead of just she rented an ice cream stand and  then she also sold sandwiches made on fresh baked bread that were really popular so she did really  well and caught the eye of those uh businessmen but what was going on with her daughters while 

she's running this business they're being cared for by two Mormons I have a problem with that so  I don't have any more evidence about what might have happened to my mom during that time but she  was very vulnerable um at a young age and so it could have happened wow yeah oh my goodness that's  interesting you've been able to uncover so much about them too you know I know sometimes yeah  you know collecting evidence or just any type of genealogy that's awesome in a way that your mom  wrote some

of that stuff down so it could give you some Clues on where to start right and and late  in her life when she was um before she totally succumbed to alzheimer's she was uh dropping  little hints to me she just kept reminding me over and over again about that child actor catalog that  my dad was in to the point where my dad is like getting angry and learn because mom mentioned it  so many times she wanted me to understand I think and um and it has been important to help me have  compassion for my

parents to not totally blame them for all of this though obviously they made  some decisions but there were decisions made by wounded children so um that has been a big help  to not hate them for this and uh and who knows how far back it goes you know not mind control has  been done for hundreds of years and in Europe and so you get born into these families and I just I  just think I can't blame them you know I just feel like it's what happens to certain people born  into certain families I jus

t finished watching the crown last night for some reason I got stopped  and it's been years but I went back and watched it and I have I really sympathized with King Charles  being born into a really terrible situation that just gave that poor kid trauma after trauma  after trauma and um Princess Diana too she was another abused and traumatized child and  I just really related to all of it and to me it's just so significant to understand almost  the entire European culture which is a bunch of fam

ilies run by these kings and queens and  uh all of them seem to be operating under this system in which they feel that they need to uh  have no emotions and you know just follow these rules follow these laws hold everybody together  and don't tolerate deviation um that's really sad but that is what they've been trained  into and they're having a hard time breaking out um sometimes I felt like it was important  to talk about how my altars work because the way I first understood mind control kind

of  simplistically is not the way I see it exactly now so does that sound like a good place to go  next yeah let's do it okay okay um I have often felt that everything that I know is sort of like  a big tree you know there's the stem and then the branches come off and then branchlets come off  and then Twigs come off um and I believe that they when they torture children torture babies  there is a split and I know that I read this somewhere but I can't say where um when a trauma  is so great that

a child leaves their body which happens with torture and it happens with sexual  torture we leave our body but the brain continues to perceive and it continues to record but not  with me there and in a sense it's like grafting another branch on a stock of you know how you  can graft a tree to actually have six different sorts of fruit on it it's sort of like that they  the brain is still recording but it's recording on a brand new tape because it's not connected  to the person who just left so

this thing can get established and they can train it with some  very simple commands you know your name is this you come out when I say these words now go away  and let the other part come back but it started it exists and it has a name and it has a code it's  the beginning of programming so I see what they're doing to us as having two different sorts of  metaphors one is like a tree and the other is like um it's like a computer program and so it gets  started and every single time they come in

they can either tap into the existing one or they can  create a whole new one so uh frit spring me's work talks about he he draws up a little chart and  shows how it can have hundreds of programs or alars all and it looks very mechanical um and then  I can accidentally create my own so they've been creating these programs that are behind me I have  no consciousness for what they are but at some point in my childhood I might see something scary  happening like maybe some abuse is going to come fr

om my own family and I'm like I've witnessed  that when I leave I don't have to feel anything so I just leave my body well what if there's not  a programmer around to program me I've left and so so now a natural organic altar has started  being recorded and um and I might do that a few times and these are unprogrammed altars they're  like my altars and so I'm imagining something very mechanical back here and then something treel  like in the front these are mine and at some point maybe from the

very very beginning I know that my  my controllers are mean and they will hurt me in a totally brutal way so whatever I do that's against  their rules I better be careful and not let them know I need to keep it a secret so I think that  I sort of either consciously or just somehow unconsciously organically talked to all my altars  and said look we are all going to act exactly the same so they don't know that we've split apart so  we can keep this a secret from them so I've never had the sorts of

altars that make the movies or  the TV shows like I don't have a wild alter who does this and a serious alter who does that  I think all my altars have have agreed to just don't let them see the difference between us  and we better communicate pretty well even though we're split we can still communicate and help each  other and blah blah blah and uh so it is totally possible that some of my programmed alars could  be way radical but they're controlled they're managed very very well and they don

't come out  in normal life they only come out under command so unlike United States of Tara where she just  had all these crazy alars switching all the time in normal life that would be an organic natural  multiple person ality I'm a super well organized government trained government programmed alter  and everything happens on command at nighttime when everything is totally under control and it  doesn't interfere with my life at all except a couple times there see and I don't know if these  wer

e intentional glitches like they maybe wanted to test something and was it a mistake akake  that they allowed me to be conscious and aware of it and to witness these others because I have  had altars come out who I don't think are mine and and and actually I'm sure that some of them  are not mine I have an altar that knows martial arts I have an altar who can assassinate I think  we talked about that in the other show those are trained ones and to my knowledge I mean I never  saw them before I n

ever witnessed them before never experienced them before but GL one of  them came out one time another of them came out one time um I had one come out one time who I  couldn't and she took over my body and I could not stop her I'm like screaming inside what what stop  stop and she had control of my body she disabled me and she did what she wanted to do in one case  it was to steal something that was kind of small and inconsequential but still it was thievery  and the other time was walking in th

is really dramatic sexy model walk which I've tried to see  if I could do looking in a mirror like what was I doing how did I do that it's like she's not  in me I don't know how to do that but I was up here looking down while she did it and I'm like  freaking out sad scared humiliated and objecting but I couldn't control the body until she decided  to quit so anyway I had glitched a few times and had some of these altars come out and take over  my body but mostly I have um felt myself switch in

natural organic ways and it's even possible  that some of these altars might have come in as helpers like suppose I leave my body and I'm in  a super vulnerable place no programmers around but some Angelic helper maybe I don't know how  we relate to beings on other Realms you know we talked about angels and we've talked about people  talk about spiritual helpers so I'm just saying some sort of spiritual help spiritual helper  came in and then she was there to help that at um whenever I happen to

need her one time I was in  in a classroom at the very end of my um master of Fine Arts degree and I was critiquing somebody  else's did I talked about this last time I was critiquing somebody else's paper and suddenly she  seemed to think that what I was saying was stupid and she came in and suddenly my my proprioception  my sense of myself in this room all changed it was as if the room was a little bit wider little  less Long the table felt slightly differently oriented and then I hear her ad

d a qualification  to my sentence and then finish it totally in a different direction from what I was going and I'm  like oh that was much better um but who was that she was somebody who didn't want me to embarrass  myself in this class and she stepped in and kicked me out and she finished I also had a I've had  a couple experiences where I participated in a literal miraculous healing and I felt somebody  else come into me to do that healing three times and so I know that I know that there's I a

ctually  I don't know how to how to say what I know about this I just know that I have other parts and that  they can come and go oh I think I can have two parts out at a time but I can have a number of  Parts who can all listen so two seem to be able to control my eyes and my mouth and my thinking  about a subject and my decisions about how to proceed in something but a programmed part from  the government can disable me and even one of my parts seems to be able to take over the body but  they

all seem not the program Parts I hate what the program parts do but the other parts that  I have somehow gathered I think through Angelic or Spirit help um those I don't know how I control  them I have a sense that I have someone inside who controls and I think two can come out at a time  and I think I have a whole lot of them that can also watch listen think even collaborate together  and so that's what allows me to score at genius levels in in lots of in two categories mostly um  games and num

bers but also like I scored a 98 in engineering on an Air Force exam just because I  could make some educated guesses about what these words what these symbols mean I don't know what  engineering symbols are but I had part of me that could guess what they mean and I scored really  high in engineering so all kinds of mysterious abilities and if I'm given a very complicated  tasks such as producing a national International Conference on something that requires Logistics  and art and all kinds of c

reative inspiration and Inter interacting with lots of people and clear  Communications and planning and everything leave me in an empty room and I can do work that people  blow their mind over how good it was how brilliant it was they never thought that could be done in  such a short period of Time stuff like that but get me in a room with too many people around  me and I just kind of have to like go down to um really simple behaviors because too much  distraction that's part of being autistic

um too much distraction and we are disabled which leads  to another theory that I've developed about um about how they split us do you remember I know  in the 50s 60s maybe even into the 70s or later scientists were frequently on television saying  how the human being only uses 10% of their brain well I never heard any explanation of that of  that science that led them to this conclusion and I never heard any any description of where  they're going with that only this one sentence repeated for d

ecades I think that was their  cover for whenever mind control had the cover blown off of it that we would say oh they were  just trying to help us maximize human potential that's all they were doing it was all for the  good so they they were right about one thing I think that the the capacity to hold information  is nearly infinite and maybe we you could make an argument that it's we're only using 10% so  yeah they want to use the other percent but they didn't realize that our processing center

s  could not be divided up but they did they divided our processing capacity so each part of us only  has a fraction of the processing capacity which is what makes us slow which is another component  of autism you know people are are are slow when they're getting lots of input that's why I say  put me in an empty room and I can do Miracles put me in a crowded space with lots of stuff  going on and I I'm a mess I I can talk to one person at time just fine I can talk to two  Okay but three or more

or a big crowd and I become smaller and smaller and smaller because I  can't process all the information coming in so I think they they didn't realize this and sometimes  I can actually quit hating them enough that I can just I've laid in bed or maybe sat in meditation  chair and said okay so I know this is a science experiment I know I'm one of your subjects I  hope that you're understanding really clearly that you cannot divide up our processing capacity  and have us function anything like a

normal human being or a happy human being you H you simplify us  a great deal that you you were right about storage capacity being huge but processing capacity  is not huge and um and that's what is making things really difficult for just surviving as  a multiple and uh recently I heard somebody say that he didn't like to use the word multiple  it might have been John uler one of your former guests I listened to um or maybe it was somebody  else but anyway he liked dissociation and I hate that p

hrase dissociation it just talks about  the one tiny little mechanism that is used for switching between all these fascinating programs  and personalities that we have these altars we need to talk about our altars we need to talk  about the different personalities because each one of them contains programming and it might  be government programming or it might be my own programming the programming maybe that I opened  myself up to which Angels or other spiritual helpers have come in to plug PL t

hat hole and as  long as they're there then provide some sort of benefit to me does that make sense yeah I am happy  you talked about that because I I really wanted to ask you about autism and MK Ultra because I've had  people ask that in the comments and I didn't have an answer for it and it's something that I've  heard but I'm not well versed on so I'm really happy that you're talking about that because I  think that that is sort of a missing link that's just not talked about at all sure there

's  probably other things that cause autism too of course but adding this into it and trying to  relate it I think is a really important part of this I think it's important too because I I'm  not sure if we have a record of autistic people throughout time but we sure do now in the decades  since mind control started and another fascinating thing is since I read zachar Ian's history of the  Sumerians the saman histories that were stamped on thousands of clay plates they tell the story The  anunak

i Who Came To Earth and created humanity and this story is done in a much tighter version in  the Book of Genesis but before Genesis was written there's a story with lots more detail about how  they tried creating humans to work in the gold mines and even in the Book of Genesis they tell  the story of creation twice and the second time they mention gold and working in the minds before  they mention women even being created because they were just cloning humans trying to get the perfect  worker a

nd in the Samaran Tales one of the things that was bugging them that made them want to cause  the flood and get rid of humanity was that the humans didn't have enough Focus they kept getting  distracted by socializing they were goofing around with each other too much specifically having  too much sex but they weren't focusing on their task now suddenly we have a generation of humans  that are all really good at focusing and we are really lousy of socializing it's as if the Creator  finally got w

hat they said they've been trying to create for 12,000 years and back in the 40s the  Nazis were trying to create the Uber mench the Superhuman and they were doing it in two different  ways they were trying to isolate their favorite DNA their favorite genetics their favorite family  lineages and I don't like thinking of myself as one of their favorites but I'm German and um and  they were also doing these horrible experiments on people they were you know that they were doing  sexual mutilation e

xperiments and seeing whether person's gender identity matched their sex way  back in the 40s that was right after the noxies were let l in to presumably work on the bomb and  other sorts of things but they were also part of CIA and they were doing gender experiments and  now suddenly we have a generation of people with all this gender dysphoria who knows what you know  what else they've been doing but they were trying but that's a little side thing back to the  trying to get us super focused an

d not waste our energy which they are trying to maximize by  by socializing too much and suddenly we've got this generation of people who seem to match not  only the Nazi goal but the samiran um intentions which I know does not not sit well with Christian  Theology and I apologize for that but I'm just tying together the things that seem to answer some  of our unanswered questions and that have amazing coherence and I don't really like the answers  I'm getting but they're coherent with a lot of

otherwise unanswered questions so I think that  they need to stay on the you know on the table of possibilities absolutely yes do you think that  there's a high correlation between MKUltra survivors and or victims in autism in general I  don't know enough MK Ultra survivors to make that decision I just know it feels really true to me  it feels like it's all one and the same and and it may or may not have to do with it probably had  to do with the the mind control which terrorized us children um

but also just the way that my mom  brought me up with no no socializing with her I didn't have the mom baby experience that I have  any memory of I had a I had a therapist back in 93 say so tell me about your your childhood  and I was like oh it was normal and he said well just describe some of the your memories  of being with your parents and I'm trying to pull up some memory and I have Christmas photos  with all of us kids smiling and birthday photos with everybody smiling but day in day out I

  was told to go to bed I was never put to bed I never had the experience of a parent sitting  there with me talking caring listen to me say anything I was told to go to bed and I went  to bed and uh I I just I I remember talking to the side of my mom's head and talking to  the back of her head but I don't have her ever looking at me in any of my memories so that  would totally help create a an autistic child I think and then go to your bedroom and work  on those crafts so that's why I'm such a

nerd and and had just have had a hard time socializing  you know even like the best social experience I had in my 30s I basically was a worker you know  I I worked with a bunch of activists um working for social justice and for the environment and but  I didn't hang out and just enjoy their company I always had I always took on jobs and I worked the  jobs did them really well got everybody's praise for doing that but was I somebody they invited  to go on a river raft trip with no did I you know

I just I just didn't have much of a social  experience with them I was a work worker I I knew how to work I did not know how to socialize so  anyway what a precious child it seems like you were I'm so sorry for everything that you went  through you just sound so darling these stories and just trying to do your best all the time and  trying to you know make friends as best as you can and you weren't given all the resources to do it  you know when I was in third grade I had a teacher that I totall

y loved uh her name was Miss Costigan  and when I was 24 years old pregnant with my son I got a phone call from her she was retired and  living I think in Portland Oregon or maybe up in Washington and um she just had worried about me  and out of all the children that she had cared for in her entire teaching career she had heard  that my family had moved to Scottdale she called my mother found out I had changed my name got  my phone number and then she called me and just said she just wanted to k

now that I was okay  and at that time at 24 I hadn't why would she care like I'm just I'm fine yeah everything's  fine but I've thought about it over years and I've just loved the fact that she because I do  remember I think I was a kind of a sad child like I said I don't know how to socialize  I knew how to do my work but um anyway so she had seen me and she had worried about me and  she let me know that that many years later it was sweet it's always you know beautiful to me  whenever I hear su

rvivors talk about what they went through and it's it's not every  time this happens but there seems to be little glimpses of light here and there where  a person stepped in and cared about the child or they they saw love from somebody once  you know and and it was always something that stuck with them throughout their life and  really helped them in the hard times that were ahead just understanding that feeling yeah and  my my angels have just dropped in often enough to do miracles for me and u

h those SU pain me  a great deal and so they don't they don't step in all the time they don't rescue me all the  time I still have lots of troubles and trials to go through but just the fact that over the  years I have experienced them I know that I'm cared for and um and it'll be okay maybe not  in this lifetime but in the scheme of of our infinite lives it's all okay a that's beautiful  that's so beautiful Jean now I wanted to ask you too were you passed through that Hollywood  model at all li

ke how your father was or did that sort of end after he went through  it and it didn't pass through any more Generations I think that they did want me  to do to be in Hollywood and unfortunately I think they wanted to use me as a sex object  and I talked a little bit about this last time about how how I I kept being pushed in certain  directions and um I found myself being cast in place as a prostitute as a sex symbol as a um  stripper and finally as matahari a sex spy um um that that just that

one tipped me over the  edge and I knew that I hated these people and I wanted to get out of the situation that i' had  been pushed into I had not wanted anything to do with sororities and fraternities I wanted to  go chase down the hippie movement to be honest and I was thinking that I wanted to study all  the religions of the world and philosophy and that's what I wanted to do and instead I have  these sor girls that are are trying to get me in that direction and then the sorority and so  I wa

s told by one of my best friends well you just don't know what friendship is because you've  never had it you have to give this a try it's the most important decision of your entire life you  have to do this you cannot walk away from this most important thing and so um everybody around me  family and friends were all telling me this and I was all alone with my secret desire to understand  life and Chase down the hippie scene and so I gave up what I wanted to give them a try but they just  took o

ver my life you know for one whole school year and they continued to push me in the in this  direction toward the sex object thing and at one point yeah it really seemed like I was was being  pushed toward being um some Hollywood thing and I didn't want it and to my credit I mean I was  pretty wimpy and standing up to people but I got pushed over the edge and I literally ran away  and uh I ended up hitchhiking across the country with the first man who I could find who thought  that was a good id

ea and that ended up being the father of my children he was a Christian but  he uh he was a a really controlling breed of Christians he wanted me to do everything that he  said and not have a mind of my own and uh that didn't work out long and so you know he ended  up getting abusive and I ended up like getting really deadened until the day I decided to leave  him and even then it just and then it was a long time that I it took me to kind of come come back  to myself I've never been back to myse

lf you know it's been just really difficult but I um and  I became a angry atheist for a long time and then I started having experiences of Jesus as a  being whom I feel like I've known since before this life you know somewhere in the Old Testament  it says I knew you before you were born I felt like I had this totally surprising memory of back  when I knew Jesus before this Lifetime and so and then I've had experiences of Jesus more than that  not a whole lot of times but enough times that I sl

owly brought back my spirituality very Christ  centered centered around his teachings not not coherent with a lot of church doctrine I'm sorry  but that's my truth but definitely centered on Christ's teachings and um I got my I got my  spirituality back after years of being really really angry because the church the church and my  ex conspired to take my children away from me I I lost my children for two years yeah and I had  to fight really hard to get them back with no help my parents had plen

ty of money no help so uh  yeah I don't I forget what question led to this I don't know if I concluded the answer yeah we were  talking about the the Hollywood stuff and then we got into your life and running away from that  which was really good but also sad because it sounds like you were set up with another Handler  maybe your ex-husband yes was then trying to control you after you left right and then when I  left then they had to find somebody else to handle me so they guided me toward my se

cond husband um  oh that was so interesting I mean I was kind of an angry atheist right then and uh and I read  this famous book called creative visualization by shaki Gan G and it was all about how yeah just  visualize what you want and you'll get it n um so I did this suddenly I made a I was ready to be in  a relationship and so I made a list of everything I would like in a partner and he came into my life  only he was also a mind control subject he was everything I asked for and mind control

Handler  and so um he and I ended up getting married and uh it's a lot of huge negatives that came with that  because he was my Handler really clearly to me now um and I again I can't remember where we where  we were aiming we were question did I finish it yeah we were talking about how um going into  the Hollywood model you met this husband who was a Handler had kids left him and then  all of a sudden this other handler comes in and sort of continues on the the control  with you so they had to

um they had to change their plans for me and I think they didn't know  exactly what they were going to use me for but um they probably enhanced my programming in  other ways um by the time that was over but speaking of like the Hollywood and the sex goes  together a little bit but they're not entirely the same um One time my husband and I woke up in  our apartment and we both just were completely shocked because our bed frame had broken and the  and the um box springs and Mattress had fallen dow

n onto the ground and we didn't remember  what had happened and then at the same time I had had injuries in my intimate parts that  I now recognize I think that I had been gang raped that night because my skin was all pulled  apart it just was fissured and it was swollen and Fisher like somebody had been gang raped like I  had been gang raped and I I didn't know what it meant we were too poor I didn't go to a doctor  if I thought that just you know waiting and and just using some creams or somet

hing would  heal me and I did heal and I I never saw a doctor so I think I was being used sexually um  throughout my life at just random times whenever it was what they wanted I think that we all have  a a manager who manages a number of things they need to keep our programming updated they need to  delete unused programming programming they won't use anymore and then keep the rest of it updated  and they also need to manage our health care so we can have people enter our homes and it might  be

that they're going to put us in an amnesic State and then they're going to take us out on  some Mission bring us back a few hours later and we'll wake up in the morning going gosh I'm tired  why am I so tired or it might be a simple medical exam that night and it won't you know take too  much out of us and so and then they also know what our schedule is so people who work on the  computer and manage their lives on their calendar they know our schedule really easily but for me  they'd have to be

somehow reading my calendar on paper but at some point they put an implant in  my right eye and I think the per and it's a it's close Vision so I just woke up this one morning  and went to touch my eye and it was like what Touch under my eye and I feel like I'm touching up  above my eye and that can happen nerves can get um well I had a friend who had a water ski accident  and the top of his head and his eyebrow got mixed up and it took a while for his brain to reroute  the feelings well it took

me about three days before under my eye and above my eye were normal  but for three days after this thing happened my vision is terrible and I can't touch it and it  feels weird and I think they put an implant in and sure enough somebody recently who was a te  targeted individual says oh yeah that's one of the things that has been recorded that they do um  and then I realized that my eyesight which used to be about is it 4020 or 2040 it wasn't too bad I  didn't I was like always on the verge of

kneading glasses well suddenly my eyesight is absolutely  terrible in my right eye but it's really good for the distance use for looking at my calendar  so if they've hooked up the vision centers to an implant that transmits to them then they can read  everything that I write in my journal everything that I write in my um in my datebook so they know  what's on my schedule and they know that I'm they they don't want to mess up my schedule too much  because they they kind of want to stay invisibl

e in a sense and so when they know I need to do  grocery shopping they're not going to mess with me that day they know that I have any important  you know doctor appointment or whatever they're not going to mess with me but on my free days  those are the days that they might decide to do something and um and it could just be as simple as  taking care of my health they they gave me thyroid surgery one night and um yeah and so they are  doing they're taking care of my health apparently and they're

also using me and those ones take a  whole lot more out of me and they often seem to schedule them at times when it doesn't interfere  with it too much sometimes it does but um most of the time it doesn't it's it's like there there's  we each have a manager who takes care of us really in a way that doesn't interfere too much but  lets them get their most out of us so you had a surgery done on you in the middle of the night on  your thyroid and it was when I did not own a cell phone I don't thin

k if it if a photo exists  it'll be on an old computer hard drive in a drawer somewhere but yeah I woke up and and all I  could think of was Star Wars it you know when Luke Skywalker had his arm healed up in a you know in  a few hours right it was just like that I had the most beautiful perfect White Scar with a totally  even seam and it just looked like it was um cut and perfectly healed by the time I woke up in the  morning and I I kept trying to think of any other way that I could have this a

bsolutely perfect  white line on me was I outside gathering firewood and I might have stooped underneath a mosquite  branch and got cut but no nothing like that happened the day before I was not outside that's  not what happened and so I I thought about it and and five years later I'm giving my health history  to a nurse practitioner and when I think I'm all done she goes and when did you have your thyroid  surgery so she could see it five years later and even though it's it's in my neck wrinkle

s she saw  it and she recognized it a thyroid surgery and I was like do I I was in a mood to tell somebody but  I was I knew that they're going to think you're crazy and the mind controllers don't want you to  talk about it so if you talk about it they might pay you back but I went ahead and I told her I  just had a feeling that I trusted her and guess what she was trustworthy she looked at me and she  nodded her head slowly and said I believe you and I said next time I see you I'll bring you a

few  more photos because I had more photos of crazy things that had happened like I wake up in the  morning and I've got biopsy scoop marks on my finger or I have a taser burn on my arm now I've  got a cell phone and I'm starting to photograph all these things and so I brought her photos of  taser Burns and scoop marks and a whole bunch of stuff that was completely unexplainable and she  thanked me for it and she said I'm going to put these not in the front of your file but in this  kind of like

secret place in the back that's not shared with everybody but we have it on record  now and then a couple years years later we were talking about this sort of thing again and she  and I said well I'm really glad I appreciate that you believed me and I appreciate knowing that that  stuff is in my file and she shuts the door because we were like heading out of the room and she says  it doesn't exist there anymore she goes I didn't take it out somebody else took it out so yeah  oh my gosh so they

took your records well they just took out those photos and I still have them  but she she knew she was taking a risk and ever since I said to a doctor the first doctor that I  was just in a mood and I said I'm a mind control subject and it just blah blah blah blah blah blah  blah and he never said a word to me but he wrote delusional in my file and so I think that was  around 201 12 13 and every single doctor since then has written delusional and one time I found  out where I could get into my f

ile with one of my health insurance companies and they wanted me to  get into my portal and you know get active on it's like I don't I don't need to be on the computer  but one day I just decided so so I look at it and there's almost nothing there and while I'm sitting  there looking at it right then suddenly another line pops up now I haven't seen a doctor in a long  time and another line pops up and this doctor I've never heard of writes delusional just just one  word delusional and it popped

on there right when I'm looking at it so it sounds to me like the Mind  controllers that are always watching my activities on my phone and when I'm on the computer I think  they just decided to [ __ ] with me and just make me feel paranoid by doing this right in front  of me and they did oh my goodness so that's I've gotten kind of unemotional about everything yeah  I bet definitely what I was going to say that's the thing that a lot of people in society that  are learning about this don't under

stand is that you know the the abuse never ends really like you  might leave your family and the networks behind but they're still always trying to get access to  you somehow whether it is through programming or you know gangstalking I know that you deal with  a lot of electronic harassment which I'd love for you to talk more about because I know a lot  of other people you know are going through that right now too you know but it's like you're never  free like let you be fully free right right s

o the different sorts of um harassment that I've gotten  and I believe it's all purely to pay me back for talking um it has there's been all kinds of types  like they will send people into the community who are maybe popular and well-liked and that person  will drop weird information about me I have no idea what they say because it's too weird for  friends to come up and say hey so and so is saying something so just suddenly friendships  will in one area will all just go south and I don't think

I did anything because I think that  when I change altars it's usually at night under control it's not in my daytime I don't notice  missing time in my day so I think it's other people socially there could be other explanations  it could be me in an amnesic State doing something I have no memory of but no one has I have invited  people to tell me and no one's ever told me that I've done something that they witnessed so so  I think it's other people just talking quietly about me um the history of

the El ronics is  really fascinating um it started in late 2010 November 30th in 2010 I was sitting on my sofa  reading and suddenly I feel this spot buzzing on my foot and moving up my leg I'm sitting on  the sofa with my feet up kind of sideways on the sofa and I'm feeling this it was not painful was  just vibration coming up my leg so I pulled my leg close to me and it finds my next foot which  was out there and it finds that foot and starts coming up that leg so I jump off the sofa and even

  though this is the first time beans have hit me I just figure it's them doing something I'd never  even heard the term direct energy weapons but I just knew that this is the sort of thing that they  do they've got they have technology many decades ahead of what they say like if we ever hear about  some cool science technology probably the CIA had it four decades ago so I sit down on the other end  of the sofa and it starts happening again and so I jump up and I I think should I go to a hotel n

o  they might be able to follow me and then I just wasted money that I don't have or they'll just  get me tomorrow night so I decided I was pretty tired and maybe I'll just go to bed so that when  they hit me at least I'll be lying down next you know I don't know what they're going to do to  me I don't know what my choices are it's near bedtime I'm just going to go to bed so I laid  down and suddenly this instead of these beams had been maybe 3 inches in diameter and they felt  very round even t

hough they were kind of moving on my body I felt that they were round and suddenly  it was like they hit me like they know where my bed is they know where my head is likely to be  and suddenly there was a VI ation that hit my head that felt like it completely encompassed  my head and part of my neck and then I was out unconscious when I woke up in the morning my ears  were ringing and they never quit so that was I woke up December 1st 2010 with my ears ringing  after that vibration and then I st

arted having crazy it was as if they started with the lowest  technology and then they built more and more and more complex technology on top of it I started  hearing tones then I started hearing tones and progression then I started hearing chords then  I had an audiovisual presentation made to me and this one was trippy oh and we've skipped all  the the alien stuff when I was living out near the military base um aliens and UFOs for years  of living near a military base but now I'm in a small to

wn no aliens or UFOs everything seems  to be medical or beans um so this audio visual presentation I suddenly I had tones so loud that  it put me into a panic and I ran to get my phone where I had just created a little file of music  to calm down to and or it wasn't music it was um yeah yeah it was some some sort of ethereal music  to to just relax to and my favorite piece is gone and the only piece left i' put it in this category  knowing that I was suspicious of it I had never listened to it b

efore some guy had created it  custom for me and as soon as as I was paying him for it and getting a A vibe about it it was like  don't trust this guy do not listen to that music but because I paid for it I didn't want to throw  it away and so here it is and my other stuff had all disappeared that was the only thing and the  sound was so loud it was absolutely Panic inducing I felt like I had to do something so I hit that  one and I laid down trying to trying to be calm despite this incredible n

oise and I started having  an audio visual presentation it was like they had created a little cartoon alien in simple orange  color and this alien was he had his hand on on a bar that seemed like it was between my ears and he  pushed down there were three tabs on the bar and he pushed them all three forward and when that  happened oh my goodness I'm kind of forgetting what exactly happened but I eventually went  unconscious and um but it told me something I have to come to the next next part thr

ee or something  I can't remember what he told me and then I woke up heard and smelled my boyfriend in the kitchen  making popcorn and I wondered how long I had been out and then he told me that it had been like  an hour and a half and I was just shocked at the amount of time that had gone by and uh anyway  that was weird and then the next level was an actual movie it looked like black and white um  8 mm you know like like 60s era a family walk Walking presumably from the marina up onto a boat 

and waving at the camera just like family family movies you know where there's just like 10 20  seconds or something back then and uh and one time it was somebody seemed to be carrying the  camera at about chest height walking with with somebody else occasionally an arm would be in it  and they were walking down a dirt road in a third world country and these movies are just coming  into my head and it's like I know this is not me this is not mine these are coming from elsewhere  and uh one time

a movie was played upside down in my head another time a movie was played at  Double speed it was something like clowns moving around and they were all going double speed and  then another time two movies were played on top of each other in my head so I'm documenting all  of this which um is for me but I know that it's really convenient and useful to my controllers to  compare what I write with what they think they're doing and seeing whether they're successful with  whatever experiment they're

doing so I feel like they are using me as a guinea pig for testing  their technology and they are um and sometimes they could just be training new technicians on how  to use this and then I get to be their subject but it has just moved up in levels of complexity  and it doesn't ever seem to go backwards so that kind of undo my theory that maybe they're  just training people um so anyway we got up to the movies and then those pretty much quit when  I left that little town that I was living in and

um anyway so those are some of the direct energy  weapons now more recently they've been um hitting me with vibrations I mean this even happened  in that small town they must have hired some guy who drove a car where he had a boom box on  it and really deep low you know boom boom boom and he'd park in front of my house but it wasn't  just the music and the Deep boom boom there was a vibration hidden inside that that seemed to be  aimed right at me and it would hurt my heart and I'd have to like

run hide behind the fridge to not  be damaged I felt like I was being damaged by this vibration and he would come a lot like at least  once a week and um and I I had that happen when I went to um I went to a UFO conference in Las Vegas  and I'm in my little RV and suddenly I'm feeling this this oh this vibration is just hitting me  and I'm hiding behind the fridge for a little while and I just got tired of standing there long  enough that I decided to lay down on the floor with my chest behind

the battery bank because  I think those were actually more blocking than the fridge was and um and I've just had things  like this happen so often it's just exhausting and like I told you before we started last night  I had and this has happened more than once two helicopters come at my house and they seem to be  crisscrossing on the south side and I'm sitting um you know inside and there's these two two big  there the biggest windows but it's also my nicest view looking out and sometimes I'm st

ill there  after dark even though I can't see and suddenly I'm these helicopters are flying around and I'm  being hit with vibrations from two directions and I don't know the technological point of that but  I went and I grabbed this metallic cloth that I have and I just held it up over me and tried to  protect myself in these directions and um until the helicopters left and I have been lying in bed  sometimes getting ready for sleep and suddenly I get hit by um oh and I live out on the very  ed

ge of the city and there's nobody who lives south of me but all of a sudden there's all this  activity there's cars during the day that are out there and I'm thinking oh they're setting up some  sort of tech site where can we get the best angle on Jee and there's all this new activity that  never existed before is out there and now I'm feeling I'm feeling myself being hit by vibrations  from that direction now while I'm in bed and I'm starting to fall asleep and I don't have the  motivation to g

et out of bed when I'm almost asleep and that's when they hit me and then I  rationalize well do I want to jump out of bed and go hide you'll just come back again I might  as well lie here and and then I'm not even sure I could move if I talked myself into it sometimes I  think they can immobilize me like that oh my gosh do you so anyway they they Tech yeah they do Tech  against us social sabotage against us I have had my websites completely sabotaged so much that I  don't have any more motivati

on to go fix them they have um sabotage my finances you know I have to  stay up with my bookkeeping otherwise I'm going to find out that I've been charged something that  you know I didn't buy and every every single way that they can sabotage us they do oh and I've  had I have had toxic gases in my home I had I bought a a flammable gas meter I bought two of  them actually because I wasn't trusting the one was working properly um and it was shortly after  IID posted on Facebook that I had acciden

tally knocked one of my gas valves on my stove and the  house had filled up with propane very slowly and I hadn't noticed it and suddenly I was staggering  around the house till I realized what had happened I closed that stove burner opened up the doors  and windows aired out the house and everything was fine well right after that now they've got  to cover if if I would die of a gas or get brain damaged by a gas or something everyone will think  it was Jean in her propane stove but it wasn't pro

pane I have a gas meter and I would put it on  the ground I'd put it up in the ceiling and at least three if not four times they I found myself  staggering around for no reason and it wasn't the propane meter I opened the doors and went oh yeah  there's fresh air out here and there's not inside and so it's winter time and I'm opening up the  you know the doors and and clearing out the house and each time the gas seemed to be a different gas  sometimes it was low on the ground slowly filling up s

ometimes the next time I try it the gas meter  re reacts to the ceiling one time it reacted over all of the drain vents the sinks and the tub is  where I would get a high meter reading I've got another friend who's a TI and she keeps up with  the science of this more effectively than I do and she says oh yeah they can definitely put it in  this way this way and this way and um and she even said they've got a little tool where they can put  it in your window and the last reading I got I'm all ove

r the house trying to figure out where is  this coming in and I go into my bedroom and the window next to my bed that's where I'm getting the  reading so they must have been shooting it in the edge of one of my window Windows right next to  my bed I wasn't getting a reading near the stove not near the Sinker tub not near the ceiling not  near the floor it was coming in my window and one time my cat saved my life I was um in bed and he  recognized the gases and he has never done this ever before

he climbs on top of me and he starts  pounding my chest my little cat and I'm like and then I thought there's must be something  wrong and I got up and realized I was having a hard time walking open the doors everything's  all better yeah so I feel like they tried to kill me uh a few times last winter with  um odorless gases that would kill me and I feel like I have excellent evidence I at  least as good evidence as I can to use a meter and to note exactly where I was in my  journal I've got eve

rything recorded in my journals and every single anomalous weird thing  with no explanation no logical explanation I have taken from my journals and I've put them  in a database and I am at least a year behind in keeping up with everything but the  last time I was on there I had 11 100 items yeah wow well it includes six years of weird  alien and UFO stuff and I don't know literally if aliens and UFOs are really aliens or if it's  um our military technology that is looking like or or actually I

think that there's both you  know but for those who don't want to believe in aliens our government does have the technology  but I think that there are aliens and so that was you know six weird years of weirdness there but I  left that location and then I had 10 years of of medical stuff in the next community that I lived  in and then when I fled that so I fled twice and both times you know had to start life all over  again I started life in an RV I figured as long as I'm targeted I'd rather be

a moving Target than  a sitting Target so I just never told anyone where I I was going next I always reported on where I  had been but I didn't say where I'm going next and tried to keep up my relations with my friends and  family didn't do very well but you know it it was okay and I uh and now instead of being military  and alien instead of being medical it was just I think they had to say well where did she land okay  she landed here well we've got this community and their network of people to

do [ __ ] to you is  huge it's not just the CIA they also use cops doctors service clubs the the Freemasons  wherever they are and then all the petty criminals that they have convinced to do work  for them in exchange for staying out of prison so they've got everyone from the highest judges  to the lowest Petty criminals and everything in between um that they can tap and say okay she's in  this Campground and um and ideas what should we do and that and so they come up with all different  crazy

things just really really crazy one to hear a funny one I'm in this Campground outside Pagosa  Springs Colorado and I've gone to the campground at the farthest end and I get there on a weekend  and there's a few people around but not too many and I'm feeling really comfortable where Sunday  night everybody leaves I'm the only one there and I'm like well that's okay and there's a campground  host who's at the next Campground and he comes by visits picks up trash makes sure everything's okay  and

he leaves but for the whole week there I'm all by myself so one day I go on a little hike and  there was there was something that I knew that they thought I was going to deal with and I  I saw it and I didn't I didn't fall for their ploy and um not worth going into the details but  anyway I come back and as I'm walking in the main entryway there's trees and I'm going to go through  a space in the trees and then there's a loop with all the the campsites on it so I'm approaching the  trees and see

nobody's been around and later on I would discover nobody was around but somehow  these people came out of nowhere and they're not like normal acting people there's these two  guys that are walking like their robots trying to learn how to act like humans now some people  say they say aliens who are trying to learn how to blend in that did cross my mind I'll admit it  they're dressed in like they just went to the the camping store and they bought themselves shoes  and boots and work clothes and

they're carrying little tackle boxes and fishing poles and they are  walking like they just Dro got dropped on a planet and told what to do but it's like they're not even  used to uneven ground they're just and they're walking up straight they don't interact with  each other they're not like two guys who are just fishing and maybe they're even tired at the end  of the day you know they just they just seem like we're learning how to walk on earth and so they  walked past me and dis and I slow dow

n because they're they're going to meet they're going to  cross a path the same time I get there if I keep at the same speed so I slow down and I watch them  go by and I even kind of stand and I'm like that was weird and then I start to walk again and now  two more come and they're Crossing and they're the same all of them look like they're in new clothes  new boots new tackle boxes new fishing poles and they're just walking like that's all they know  how to do and I'm like this is so weird so I

I go real slow because I you know they're going to  cross so I let them cross and then they disappear that there's trees and they just completely  disappear so I keep on walking and now I see two more and they're coming from the south and the  next day I would go south to see what's down there there are no Trails it's just rough rough land  prickly bushes there's a bunch of um barbwire fences where it had been um broken up into maybe  um grazing areas or something and then there's a lake but it

's like a good mile and a half the  easiest thing would be to come from where I was and just take the road but these people come out  of this field it's like there's no tents there or anything they come out of this field and they  go to the water pump now I had tried to fill my water jugs the day before and it had been really  difficult because this big old heavy pump is over here and water would Splash out and tip over my  water jugs so I really needed I couldn't hold on to it and reach the end

of the pump so it had been  a really difficult task and I thought oh two other guys at the pump even though they're weird acting  I'm going to run back get my water my last water jug and I'm going to come up and cheerfully talk  to them and get a sense of who these guys are and they can help me get my water and so I just walked  a 100 feet or so to my Campground grabbed my water jug and went back and they were gone and because  it was so hard to do they could not have filled their water jugs in

that period of time they just  showed up to be the fifth and sixth weird acting person and then they completely disappeared and  I for the next day and a half I was looking for a camper a trailer a tent nothing these guys just  disappeared so they do weird [ __ ] just to freak you out so that you have such a weird story you  can never tell anybody and have them believe you oh my gosh and and and that's exactly what it  is right because then you go to tell somebody and they're like oh you're del

usional just like  how the doctors labeled you which is really really sad because there's so many people that  are dealing with this type of thing and there's really no help for it you know in a sense  of all the time you might find a good doctor here and there or somebody who will listen but  for the most part it's so isolating because it does these one event sharing something like that  makes people turn away yeah here's another funny one and it was very instructive I was sitting I  would freq

uently sit up in bed and read until I got tired and sometimes I would find myself  just kind of like coming back from something like a a Daydream dream or a Fugue State and I  wasn't exactly sure what I'd just been thinking of and I'm wondering how long was I out I was  kind of trained to not pay attention to clocks so I can have a lot of missing time and not know  it that way so I started wondering about maybe I should be try learning to again to watch a  clock so that I I know how long I'm I j

ust track time better I think I should be tracking  time better but um I just was wondering is there something going on that I haven't been paying  attention to so one night I come out of this fug State and it suddenly occurs to me that  I want to climb out of my bed now in an RV you know I'm climbing down off the high thing  and stepping on the back of a bench and down and and I I get halfway down and I have my foot on  a step and I have my other foot stuck up behind me and I'm and I think in t

he next moment I'm going  to step down on to the floor of the camper and instead I get Frozen and my arms are still on  the bed my one foot's on the step my leg is reaching behind me and I I get Frozen and I had  just looked at the clock 10 minutes later I come back to Consciousness again and I've dropped down  a little bit but I'm still pretty much in the same position with my leg still suspended behind me  and that answered my question for me yes they do on a regular basis do stuff to me take

me out of  my head I was unconscious I didn't know what was going on and they freeze me for a short period  of time so they must have thought she's sitting in bed she's going to stay frozen and in the  few seconds between they deciding to do that to me in those couple seconds I moved but they  still continued with whatever they're plan was and they didn't I'm sure they did not expect to  freeze me in a position whereby I would know what they did when they were done um way back in 2013  my boyfri

end had gone to his high school reunion so he was gone for two whole weeks and I thought  well this will be a good chance for me to um to try to track my time I totally believed that being  off the clock not paying attention to clocks was freeing me from industrial society and time and  I'm living with the the Moon and the Sun and and I don't need to know the time to the minutes  and I thought that was a certain certain sort of freedom but I think it was also training me not  to be able to ever

recognize when I had missing time but I didn't know that I started suspecting  it later in my Nomad years um but anyway back in 13 no no I've been suspecting it even then so in  13 I said okay this would be a good chance for me to be a s not be distracted by him it's just me in  the house and I'm going to set my alarm for every single hour and every hour of the day and I made  up these new daily sheets to track it every hour I'm going to write down when the thing goes off  what I just was doing

for that last hour and what I discovered was that I had so many of those times  where the thing went off and I'm like I don't know anything I did in the last hour or even wow the  last time it was like two hours ago what in the world happened I don't know so for two weeks  I kind of freaked myself out documenting very clearly that I have a lot of time in which they  seem to be doing something to me where I don't know are they upgrading my programming are they  programming me was something new di

d somebody come in the house and do something to me I don't know  but I do know that they do that to me once when I was in my trailer in the evening I just suddenly  had this thought that it would be nice to open the back door and step out on the bumper and just look  around and so I was kind of maybe kicking on my slippers or something to step out and I suddenly  had this like urgency like you have to get out right now and I'm hearing this helicopter that  seems to be coming toward me and I jus

t about fell over myself had an accident and got hurt because I  I suddenly it was like my body was saying now you don't wait two seconds to put your slipper on get  out there now and I almost hurt myself getting the door opened and as I stepped out rapidly almost  falling here's a helicopter right over me and I thought so were they doing a test to see whether  they could control me second by second so that I could completely exactly meet when this helicopter  came for some reason because I'm te

lling myself yeah it'll be nice and some other part of me is  like now now now and it was alarming that I almost hurt myself trying to meet I was thinking I was  just going out to see the night but apparently I was supposed to be out in time for this helicopter  so that was upsetting to know that yeah they're just they have the ability to override my own  intentions and make me move when I I didn't want to move I I had this idea that it would be nice  but no they wanted me to move now and move b

y this moment so it's it's very upsetting to know that  there's these people able to do this for us but it is what the Nazis wanted they wanted highly  controlled subjects and um I think that I'm a partially successful one that's useful enough  to them that they stay with me um and keep doing stuff to me even though I don't know even though  what I don't [Music] know I appreciate you sharing all of that so I'm I'm TR I've tried to be a  scientist about this because I recogniz back in 1999 that t

he things that I was going through  were just weird enough that I just wished that I had a better understanding of it and I just  thought I'll be a scientist I will document everything and I'll try to be really really  careful about separating what happens what I think about what happens you know what my  emotions are and then every time there's some spiritual intercession those things get recorded  because I need to focus on those and remember that I am cared for even despite all this and uh an

d  I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping a a science record that has not helped me come to  absolutely clear conclusions but I'm still hoping that one day it will be of benefit to others  and maybe even be of benefit to myself in just Gathering data Gathering data Gathering data and  um and someday somebody will make sense of this and I'm praying that we will be able to fight  and win back our sovereignity as Souls on this planet but right now we don't have it and I think  it's very imp

ortant for people to know that there are forces trying very hard to take control of us  and I think whatever's done to us subjects I think they intend to do to everybody I believe that's  their intention and that's why we should all care and on top of your Journal thank you Emma you're  so welcome I love that you're so investigative about what happened to you and that you do record  it in so many places and I'd love for you to talk about your book and where people can find it and  um okay give p

eople an idea of where you're at online your websites and your YouTube I'd love  for people to go support you and obviously this book has a lot of your story in it that you've  recorded so people can learn even more about you that way yeah thanks um you know I I used to  have a website and then somebody then I guess I didn't pay for it one year and someone stole it  from me and I had to give it a new ending I don't remember if it wasn net and now it's doc or it  wasc now it's not net do you reme

mber rattlesnake fire dot yes let I don't remember if it's Comm  or n here we go hold on anyway um rattlesnake fire.com is that it okay thank you I should  know my own book website but you know my poor mind sometimes no wores so um I love the blur  you know a lot of really wonderful people have given me excellent blurbs there so people should  just check the website out I have some excerpts um and the the pay page functions but it's it's  not like new and modern and professional it's just kind o

f I think pathetic in some ways but  it works um if you hit that pay pay now button I think I get an email and then I have a stock  of books at home and I will either just sign it or if you want I can endorse it saying to  so and so uh that actually has less value on the real sale Market just in case you care um  and there's a picture of the old book and this might have been my control but I did not put one  of those little UPC um stamps on the back of my new second edition so the first edition

is the  only one that has a place in the book sellers uh databases because they go by those UPC numbers  so the old book with the rattlesnake and the fire on the front and lots of little editing errors  and a whole lot less art that one you can find in the book sellers in the new book you can get  from me and you can get it from lulu.com and you might find it elsewhere but um but anyway buy  the second edition from me uh directly and I think this best to do the oldfashioned way so um  and then I

also have a number of actually I have probably over a hundred videos that I've done  since 2010 on my YouTube channel with which is Paradigm Salon video singular video and since then  I've gotten kind of embarrassed by and I think I might have had some mind control around this too  I took a whole lot of them down to private so that nobody can see them because they were me in the  early years when I think I look at it and I go oh that's so pathetic and I I just made them  private but if you go t

o my other website um Paradigm Salon do is that one the.net yeah think  it is yep right and I've got the videos tab up there and almost all my videos are available I  think I hope I need to do some work on here I haven't kept up very well but all those places are  you can Source my my videos over the years and I think there's like a total of 10 hours or more wow  of videos that um you can find on YouTube and so what's on YouTube accessible to the public right  now are just maybe the last couple

years and the very first few years oh look at that see I must  have um broken those links if enough people write me I'll get my act together and I will try to  um I'll try to do some web work but I feel like I've become either allergic to the computer or  maybe they've got some mind control in me that just makes me feel really whenever I think of  sitting down and focusing and then I just say not today maybe another day um but I do have good  days every now and then and I get some stuff done but

they're kind of few and far between but I'm  doing my best I love it you've done a lot of free content for us you know and your book is a wealth  of knowledge your your website is you also have your personal website too um if people want to  see yeah the art that you do and just the more creative author artist activist consultant side  of you I love this website too thank you and I am very proud of my work as an activist and as a  consultant um I did a lot of good work until um when I divorced

my second husband meaning I no  longer had a Handler that they could depend on then uh I just kind of became in capacitated and  unable to work so all my activism and Consulting I'm very very proud of and it pretty much ended in  93 unfortunately and I've just been kind of like coping and trying to keep myself together but  yeah there's a lot of fun things there there's when I was at the Smithsonian institution uh  fighting for for Mount Graham and we went to the Smithsonian because they were uh

part of this  astrophysical project putting a telescope where it did not belong and I used to promote solar  ovens a lot that was just fun that was just a hobby for me to show people how to solar cook and  uh yeah I feel like I've um I've I've enjoyed my life that was a picture um taken in Afghanistan  when I was 21 years old and this little bird landed on my finger and my father was there and  he just snapped a picture that I have always loved you're so beautiful oh my goodness you're  still b

eautiful now but it's really fun looking at photos of you in action doing the things that  you know you did your whole life that you were really passionate about that's so awesome that  you have all these photos and you have so many great said you put together so much for free for  us you know and I encourage people when a Survivor is is speaking and when they're out there sharing  information please go purchase her book if you can this book is fantastic you guys it's awesome she  makes it reall

y accessible you get it right from her you get a sign copy right from Jean herself  which is is really fun um and she has her own YouTube channel like she said Paradigm Salon video  I will have that Linked In the show notes for you guys I will put the purchase page for her book  that way you guys can go right on there check it out look at the excerpt she has she actually  has a few in here for you guys to go get a sneak peek um and then her homepage is great too she  has a lot of great endorseme

nts like she said so you guys can read a little bit about what people  say so I would love if you guys went and supported her and got her work and learned more about her  story there's a lot of really great information in here I know all of you here are here to learn  and all of these books are gold mines and they're so inexpensive for you guys to take home and have  create a library of these testimonies and of all of this information you know like Jean said stuff  gets deleted from the internet

too so we're so internet dependent sometimes I really love my  whole library that I have of all these books I have every Survivor book that I can possibly get  my hands on and nobody can ever take them from me you know whether these websites come down or not  so I would love if you guys went and supported her work and checking out her website and all the  information that she has and her videos and Gina is there anything else that you wanted to talk  about today or say no I'm I'm kind of fatigu

ing as I expected to after a couple hours and so  and this is a good length of time for others to watch and we'll just if we want to talk about  more we'll come do a part three later let's do it I would love I really appreciate you coming on  je you're such a beautiful soul you're an amazing speaker you have such an eloquent way of talking  about really hard things and making them engaging with people you're so animated whenever you  talk and you know you make you make really dark topics palatab

le and I know I speak on behalf of  everybody we all appreciate you and all the work that you've done on your book on your videos  on your websites you've done all this really by yourself and I think it's it's just incredible  that you've done all of this for us so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the free time  that you spend on these interviews and on all the work that you do and putting this incredible book  together for us I really really appreciate it Jean and you're just suc

h a beautiful and amazing Soul  thank you Emma so much I just don't know what more to say I so appreciate you for giving me this  opportunity and I just wanted to add one thing we talked about last time and not this time one  of the things they did to me they gave me um Mor galin's disease which is Lyme disease plus and  I have been trying to heal from I've had it for nine years I've been trying to heal from it but  I only started working with the doctor a little while ago and it they say it tak

es like at least  two or three years of treatment to fully get rid of it and and some people don't know that you ever  get rid of it so I'm dealing with this disease attacking my muscles which make me extremely  tired and lethargic and hoping that I'm doing the treatment well enough that it doesn't attack my  nervous system and brain because that is the the worst outcome that does happen so I'm struggling  against this and um so I just want to not have people think that I'm just like what's wron

g with  her why can't she get on her website well you know I don't know but anyway um I'm glad to I'm glad to  be inspired by your your invitation and your work you do inspire me and that helps overcome these  other things that I'm struggling against so thank you thank you thank you Emma and um we and thanks  everybody who will just take a little bit of time and see what information I put together because I  agree with you I think I've got a lot of good data on those websites which I created a w

hile back um  they're not that well updated but there is still good info there so um thank you for that Emma and  thanks to all the listeners who just want to see what I pulled together I think it's important  stuff for us to know so thanks again it is and thank you Jean I will have everything listed  in the show notes that way and no matter what platform you're on you guys just go in the show  notes you guys can just click and it'll redirect you to her website to her book link to her  YouTube c

hannel and to her personal web page so go check all of that out there is a lot of great  information on there she's done it all for free purchase her book it's phenomenal you guys you  get a sign copy that's so cool a lot of authors you don't have that opportunity that's such a nice  touch so go support her you guys I'll have all of that in the show notes I will have all of my links  in the show Notes too connect with me also I never know you know what what platforms will keep me  and which ones

won't so stay up to date with me on substack follow me on YouTube other platforms go  connect with Jean connect with all of us we love you guys so much and couldn't do this without you  God bless you all and we will see you next time