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Sonic Evades his Taxes

Sorry for not publishing this on tax day. I had to do my taxes. Thanks to @izziibel for voicing Tails!

Jehtt

11 months ago

Tails! My taxes are due today and I have no idea how to do them. Okay...? You have to help me! How do you know I'm not busy with mine? Please, there's no way you saved it to the last minute I bet you did yours on January 1st. Actually, i had to wait intil January 22nd for all of my 1099 forms to come in, but... Tails, please, I'd be on my knees begging if there were an animation for it. Alright, fine. I'm sure with my brains we can get this done quick. (God, he is so cringe.) Alright, how much d
id you make last year? I was supposed to be counting? Didn't you get a W2 from your employer? My, employer...? What do you even do? Mostly I just run around and pick up gold rings off the ground. Your job is picking up money off the ground? Well, sometimes they're floating in the air... But, like, does someone put them there? I... do't know. I haven't though about it. Eggman, maybe? Well, we're definitely not getting a 1099 from him. That's okay! We can fill out the 1040 using your own accountin
g. So I was supposed to be counting! You haven't been keeping track? Sonic... No no no no no, I got this. Let's see, uh... I got, uh, 230-something from Emerald Coast... 140 in Windy Valley... I had 60 in Ice Cap but I got hit and dropped them. I picked up 20 though. What happened to the other 40? Well, they disappeared into thin air. I don't think the IRS will buy that one. That's literally what happened! Let's talk business expenses. Do you even have those? Hm, well, uh... Oh! I bought stuff f
rom my Chao Is that a business expense? It could be. What did you get? I bought them some fruits and cute little hats from the black market. The black market?! Why did you buy stuff from there?! Well where else are you supposed to buy stuff? It;s literally attached to the garden. You can't put illegal purchases on your federal tax return! Why not?! God... Phew! That took forever. You're welcome. Alright. Now that we're done, I just gotta put it in the mail, yeah? Those were your federal taxes. N
ow we have to do state taxes. Actually, I think I'm good. Huh?! I've decided I'm not paying taxes. Sonic, you have to pay your taxes. Why? It's not like they do anything. Speed Highway was literally built with taxpayer dollars. Yeah, and they used the money to build loop-de-loops on the road. Which, granted, cool as hell for me... But man, morning commutes must be hell for everyone else. If you don't pay your taxes, the IRS will come after you! Yeah, and I'm the fastest thing alive. What are the
y gonna do? Catch me? Damn, they caught me. So, what are you in for? I placed a bunch of gold rings on the ground... ...and didn't send the proper 1099 tax froms to people who picked them up. You die tonight.

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