SpongeBob, where have you been? I've been covering
for you on the grill for the past three hours. My arm feels like
it's gonna snap in half. It's that guy in red. He's a really
high-maintenance customer. Can we please steal
the secret formula now? Pretty please, man ray? I must have more!
Bring me more Krabby Patties. Bring more Krabby Patties! Stand aside, Squidward.
I'm gonna be my own hero. Thank you, sir. Enjoy your meal. At last. [scarfing] All right, fine. I'll just steal
the secret formul
a myself. Oh, and man ray?
This friendship is over. [burping loudly] No, no, no more. Can't. Eat. Another... There he is. All right, man ray.
Lunchtime's over. What? How did you two
know I was here? A little sponge told us. This wasn't supposed to happen. -Here you go, Plankton.
-What's this? It's the bill. For your partner. [laughing] [groaning] I have got to get my hands on a Krabby Patty,
and no one's gonna stop me! [panting] [panting] There it is! Holy shrimp! I don't know where to start,
bu
t all that matters is that it's just you and me,
and nobody-- Squidward, is that you? SpongeBob, um, uh, What are you doing here? I always come
to work at three a.m.! This is when I count
the sesame seeds. -What are you doing here?
-Oh, I forgot my um-- Why is the Patty vault open? -So I thought that--
-And why are you holding a patty behind your back? I-I-I-I-- no, I didn't-- And why are you
acting so nervous? And why are you
sweating so much? And why do you look
so hungry, and-- No, no way,
it
's not what you think. This is a big misunderstanding
you've got to believe me! Listen, I am telling you! You better listen
to me, SpongeBob! You like Krabby patties,
don't you Squidward? Yes, yes!
I admit it SpongeBob! I love Krabby Patties! [scarfing] I knew it all along Squidward. No one can resist
a Krabby Patty. [scarfing] Squidward, how many
are you eating? Squidward! [laughing] [scarfing] Squidward, you can't eat
all those patties at one time! Squidward! What's gonna happen,
am I gonna bl
ow up? No, worse!
It'll go right to your thighs! My thighs? And then you blow up. [siren wailing] Yeah ha ha, I remember
my first Krabby Patty. There's the bell and
we're off and eating. McNolte taking an early lead and really going to
work on those patties. What a dynamo! A little [INDISCERNIBLE]
from three towns over, eating at a terrific pace. But what's this?
Patrick Star isn't moving,
he seems stuck at the gate. What are you doing, Patrick? Don't make me charge you
for those patties too! Mc
Nolte's pressing forward, looks like this is
gonna be a blowout. Patrick, I believe
in you, Frederick. But wait! Patrick Star is on the move, and patties are
starting to disappear. Look at that
little sea star eat! He's itching closer to McNolte,
and McNolte can feel the heat. Never has there been
a more prodigious display of competitive eating! The amount of patties
being consumed, astounding! And now, yes, yes! Patrick Star
has matched Oswald McNolte! And they are tied as they
come into the ho
me stretch. Both eaters are so full
they can barely eat! But eat they do,
moving so slowly now, one can't help but wonder
if they are going to hit the patty wall
at some point, and, and, both eaters have stopped! With only seconds left,
we are tied in patties eaten, and neither one
seems to have the room to go on! Oh! Down goes McNolte!
Down goes McNolte! It looks like
we could have a tie. It's over, SpongeBob.
I can't go on. The taste, Patrick.
Remember the taste. The... taste. What's this? Pat
rick Star has risen
from his seat and is pointing to center field. No, wait. He's pointing to
a "widdle" boy with a hurt foot. Ladies and gentlemen
he's pointing to his mouth as if to indicate something. Here you go, champ.
You can have mine. [cheering] And he's eating. He's eating! The Great Starbino is eating! Patrick Star wins! The belt is back
in Bikini Bottom! There you go, Miss Tuffsy. Gramma knows
you like your Mr. Heatee set to "Extra Cozy" when
you're home relaxing. Goodness, you're
alm
ost out of cookies! Here, I'll go
and get some more. Now, don't you
go running off again. [munching] There we go. After this I'll make up some of those
deviled eggs I promised. Oh, how about a little music? Gramma's got
a killer stereo system. [music playing] Oh, this song reminds Gramma
of her days as a riveter. [music playing] You make Gramma feel so young. Come on, Miss Tuffsy,
let's do the boogie-woogie. Ooh! Okay, oh, that's enough of
the boogie-woogie for now. Gary! Gary? Gary! Gary! Gary
...! Oh... Gary! [crying] Gramma knows
how much you love these late-night
crime drama programs. Don't you, Miss Tuffsy? Oh, heavens, look at the time. It's time for bed, Miss Tuffsy. There you go, Miss Tuffsy--
fresh squeezed. It takes a little longer
to make it that way, but it was a labor of love. [meows] How about a little more syrup
on those pancakes? Here comes the train. Hoo-hoo! You stay right there. The meat loaf is almost done. [groans] Oh, dear. Oh, the meat loaf's
not quite ready yet,
but Gramma knows how
hungry you are, Miss Tuffsy, so she whipped up
a quick batch of cookies. Run! You don't want cookies? Don't fret-- I made a batch
of deviled eggs, too. Come back, Miss Tuffsy. You don't want these
to go to waste, do you? They were a labor of love. Oh, don't worry, Miss Tuffsy, Ah... [sniffs] That smells like... [gasps] The health inspector! Wash your hands,
clean the floors, change your underwear!
The health inspector's here! If he finds
one health violation he'll close us
down for good. We've got to do
everything in our power to make sure he passes
The Krusty Krab. But, Mr. Krabs, there's
no reason to worry. The Krusty Krab is the most
perfect place in the universe. You really haven't got any
brains at all, have you, son? Just go out there and
give him what he needs. Pour on the charm.
Sweet-talk him. What can I get
for you, handsome? We're doomed! I'm going to need you
to bring me one of everything on the menu. Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up! He w
ants one of everything. Then we'll give him
a smorgasbord! The future
of the Krusty Krab is at stake! Try the crunchy kelp dog sir! The butter barnacles
are a touch of heaven. The powdered
[INDISCERNIBLE] is exquisite! -Fresh sledge pudding?
-More diet red tide? Please, gentlemen! Leave me to finish
my work in peace. [burping] And to the voluptuous inspector
enjoy his meal? So far, so good. I just need to try
a plain Krabby Patty and my inspection
will be finished. He says if he gets
one more Kr
abby Patty, he'll pass us
for the inspection! Do you know what this means,
dear boy? We're in the clear! We interrupt this can can
for a special news bulletin, be on the lookout for a man
who's been passing himself off as a health inspector
in order to obtain free food. That's all for now. Free food?!? Maybe we ought to tell our
guy about the phony impostor. You loony loofa!
He is the impostor! -We've been duped!
-Duped? -Bamboozled!
-We've been smackle-dorfed! That's not even a word
and I agree
with you. Look at him. I bet he never changes
his underpants. I bet he bites whale bubbles. I bet his mom
bought him that hat. If that impostor
wants a Krabby Patty, then by Neptune
we'll give him one! You're dancing with
the Krab man now! Join me, boy, or you're fired. It doesn't seem right. But it feels so good! Seahorse radish, the
gnarliest stuff in the ocean. Oh, hold on, I've got a jar of
toenail clippings in my office. Oops, I dropped
it in the toilet. Well fish it out and I'll dry it
wi
th my gym socks! Why, that's the most diabolical
Krabby Patty ever spawned! I call it the Nasty Patty. [laughing] Hey, hurry up with that Patty. Here you are sir, enjoy.
-Ah, hello delicious. Come to papa! [choking] Listen, he ate it!
Look at him choke! [laughing] Look at him suffer! [laughing] [choking] Did you see that, boy? Oh man!
That look on his face! [choking] [groaning] Good townspeople, let us rejoice in
welcoming our new king. King needs food badly. What's this all abou-
[screams] Well
, well, well, what
can I do for you, Patrick? The king would like- Zip it, SquarePants. I'm talking to the rich guy. I'll have ten Krabby patties a
Krabby milkshake, large fries... I've got a better idear. [scarfing] A buffet fit for a king. [burping] Tasty! Listen, Patrick,
comes a time in every man's life when he's gotta settle down. You know, you get a wife, kids,
a father in law, you give all your money to. That sounds great. Hey can I get
a little more ketchup? How about you
pay the check i
nstead? Sorry Mr. Krabs, no can do. As king of Bikini Bottom I am allowed to have
anything I want, isn't that right SpongeBob? That is correct. Anything you want,
and it's all free. All free? Nobody eats in
me restaurant for free! King or no king! Are you gonna eat that? I was planning to. -Why?
-I want it. Hey, what gives you the right
to take my food? Tell him SpongeBob. Uhh, Pat, I'm not sure this is
what being king is all about. I thought you said I could
have anything I want. Was my bestest
friend lying to me? Don't be ridiculous, Patrick.
I never lie to you. Good! Now tell him! By proclamation of
the royal ministry, the King is entitled to get
whatever he wants. [chuckling] This isn't fair. Life isn't fair, pal.
Get used to it. Oh-ho. Great job, newbie. Now you can take
your first break. My break?
I can eat ice cream now? All you can handle. [screaming] [screaming] Thanks for your help, buddy. Now, let's dig in. Oh, I'd love to. [horn blows] But if I don't hurry,
I'll be late for
my job. Sure you can handle
that ice cream all... by yourself? [scarfing] Silly question. [scarfing] [burping] Good luck, my employed pal. [beeping] Oh! Only two more
minutes for my break! And two more minutes
for ice cream! [screaming] Chug, chug, chug, chug! [grunting] Brain freeze! [snoring] Not food. [gasps] Hanging cured meats.
Exotic spices. A bread box
overflowing with baguettes. Yummy stuff everywhere. I'll start with the fridge. Candied sea yams,
pickled urchins, anemone pies. A bucket
of kelp slaw,
et cetera. Ooh. More etcetera. Oh well, I needed to lose
a little weight anyway. And that's what I told him. I said,
"if you're not gonna bring an extra set of batteries,
then why even carry a"-- Hey, mister. What's with the sack? S-sack? Yeah, sack. That big giant sack thing
you're carrying on your back. That sack. It's, uh... I'm practicing to be
Sandy claws for the holidays. [siren wailing] Okay, you have a safe night now. Thanks again, officer! Be seeing you in
a couple months
. [chuckles] Happy holidays. Okay, Pearly. I got some more
vittles here for ya! [groaning] [burping] More! I was afraid
you were gonna say that. How's it going over there
at Club shell for brains? Mmm hmm hmm, I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu
for Club Squidward tonight. Ah... Does that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. What about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat! Well, you can't have any.
And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your
club president is a shell! If you had
listened to me, you'd have food, shelter
and a roaring fire. But instead you listen
to a talking clam... that tells you nothing! As if the answers
to all your problems will fall right out of the sky. [laughing]
Fall right out of the sky. Dude, we're falling
right out of the sky! We gotta drop the load! Praise the magic conch! [gibberish] Mm, mmm. [scarfing] [laughing] Uh hey, SpongeBob, that sure is a lot of food
you got there. It's a gift
from the magic conch. Everything sure looks delicious. O
h, smoked sausages,
my favorite! [sniffing] [grunting] Uh hey SpongeBob, you know I was just
kidding around earlier, and I-I mean, I'm still
part of the club, right? And and after all,
the club's gotta stick together, and I mean, you know--
-Squidward. Yes. Once a member, always a member! To the club! [gibberish] Uh, yeah, [gibberish]. Now, if you'll excuse me,
what shall I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey,
the soup, the canned meat? Why don't you ask
the magic conch Squidward? Oh yeah, like
that'll happen, right after I consult
the magic toenail. Squidward! Are you questioning the
authority of the magic conch? The conch is the one
who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone
of our organization. Maybe he's not a brother. Hey, you guys have it all wrong. I love this piece of plastic,
um, hello there. Magic conch, I was wondering, should I have
the spaghetti or the turkey? - Neither .
-Then how about the soup? I don't think so. Can I have anything to eat? - N
o.
-No? What do you mean, no?
I'm starving here! Here, let me try. Magic conch, could
Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious,
super terrific sandwich? No. Could I have this yummy, delicious,
super terrific sandwich? - Yes.
-All right! [scarfing] [burping] -Sorry Squidward.
-Give me that. -Could I have something to eat?
- No. -Could I have something to eat?
- No. -Could I have something to eat?
- No. Can't you say
anything else but no? Try asking again. -Can I have something to eat?
- N
o. [yelling] Squidward, are you all right? [growling] Maybe we should ask
the shell if he's okay. [growling] Come on pencil, make words. [meowing] Gary! Hey hey hey Gary! How's my favorite mollusk? How about you let
old SpongeBob fit you up Something to eat? [meowing] What do you mean,
you're not hungry? [meowing] I know I have
an essay to write! Now come on Gary! I've got to make sure
you get your nutrition, so I'm not leaving until
you eat every single bite. [chomps down] [burps] Gary! Are you
sure you don't
want some crème brûlée? Or some chocolate-
flavored algae bits? Gee, Gary sure made a mess. I'm talking about
Oswald McNulty. He comes here every year
with his big-city ways and his extremely
relaxed throat muscles, and he shows us up
like a bunch of rubes. Rubes! And on Founder's Day, no less. [bell ringing] You will definitely
not be treated like a baby around here ever again. I am glad you see it
my way, Grandmother. Well, I'm glad that's settled. But what am I going to do wit
h all these
fresh baked cookies? [laughing] Sorry, grandmother. We adults don't partake in
the consumption of sweets. -Right, Pat... trick?
-Keep 'em coming, Granny. So much for no more baby stuff. And don't forget
the cookie eating hat. [laughing] Hey, that's my
cookie eating hat. Uh, I mean, it was
when I was a baby. [groaning] [knocking] Well, look who's here. It's
my big old adult grandson. Grandmother, I need to
have a mature conversation with Mr. Patrick. Patrick! What are you doing?! Cook
ies?! Warm milk?! A bib?! Is that a kissy mark
on your forehead?! We are supposed to be adults! Oh, oh, no roughhousing
with a full tummy. [laughing] Who's the baby? I'm the baby,
I'm the baby, I'm the baby! [clearing throat] Being grown up is boring. I love being a baby.
Besides, I don't get jazz. [chuckles] Poor Patrick.
I almost feel sorry for you. Trapped in the awkward
phase of diaper days... never to know the rich
rewards of being a grownup. Here's a fresh batch of cookies. All right! [sca
rfing] Rewards, huh? Well, yeah, there's,
eh... well, let's see, we... We went over the jazz... [scarfing] Oh, Grandma, I'm full. More cookies. [whooshing] [whistling] It appears to be my lunch hour.
Grownups have to eat to. I guess this will have to do. You don't want this baby food. How about a big piece
of steamed coral? Oh yeah, uh... great. [shattering] Nutritious. Storytime! Oh, boy! Storytime,
story time, story time! [panting] SpongeBob, what are you doing? How are the customers
supposed
to get in now? Those aren't customers
out there, Plankton. They're all Krabby Patty
zombie monsters! And they're forcing
everybody to eat them. You and I are
the last two survivors! Krabby Patty zombies? Heh, I'll believe it
when I see it. Okay, I believe it! Karen! Consume me. No! Hey! -Have some.
-No. Wait! I don't want... [groaning] Have a slider. [groaning] Stay back!
I've got sporks! [groaning] [vomiting] [groaning] Boy, do I feel better! Oh that's it!
Chum is the cure! Oh a patty! Patrick!
[groaning] No, eat chum! What happened? Yes, yes! [groaning] [screaming] Maybe I should up the dosage! [screaming] And three, two... [groaning] Oh, my cranium! Ugh, I told myself
I'd never eat here. Oh boy, so much
for lab-grown patties. You see, Mister Krabs,
some things don't need scientific re-engineering
to be delicious. The original Krabby Patty
is perfect just the way it is. Yeah, you know, after all that, a good, old vintage
Krabby Patty -sounds pretty good right now.
-Yeah. Vintage Krab
by Patties rule! You're darn tootin', they do! And for the next three minutes,
all vintage Krabby Patties in the Krusty Krab are... double the price! [cheering] Wait, don't leave now! Time to initiate
the first variable, one big bowl, one small bowl,
exactly eight ounces per bowl. Free ice cream! Free
ice cream! One day only! Get your free ice cream! Oh, boy, let's go. You're the boss. Free ice cream! Oh, my sea stars,
free ice cream. Hey ya boys, how'd
you like a nice free bowl of tootsie fruit
sy ice cream? [panting] Okey-dokey. One free ice cream, please? All sold out.
Maybe we'll get some later. Ow! [grumbling]
First come, first serve. Um, your- your bowl is bigger. -Do you wanna trade?
-Yeah. Mm? [groaning] You got
more ice cream. Patrick, I think your
ice cream only looks smaller cause the bowl is big. Well, I wanna trade back. There's only
one fair thing to do. What's that?
Patrick, you call that fair? [shattering] I'm in charge. Uh, oh. Yeah. Time for variable two. More free ice
cream here!
Now, with same sized cones! Huh? I just got my slippers on! Here ya go! I'll take those my good man. -But, Patrick, I
-I'm in charge. One cone, please? All gone! [grumbling]
For the love of Pete! Can I have my cone now?
Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now?
Can I have my cone now? Hmmm... Rub my feet first! Oh, come on! Who's in charge? Alright, I'll rub your feet. [groaning] Hey! My ice cream is
melting all over your hand! Oh... I'll fix that. Patrick, you are making
very
poor choices! Don't you back-sass me! I'm in charge and you
have to do what I say! Now count that bucket
of white sand. Alright, I will! 1,893,601,
1,893,602, 1,893,603. Done! Now to count the black sand. Oh, that's a pity. Looks like
you'll have to start over. Aaaah! Enjoying that ice
cream, Patrick? Yes, I am. Would you like
sprinkles on it? Hey! [whimpering] [chattering and music playing] Hmm. Hey, you've sampled
every flavor we have, will you please just pick one? Nuh uh, not so fast! I wou
ld not like to sample
combinations of flavors, and I would like you
to use... my spoon! Security, we have
a sample mooch at the counter. [grunting] [screaming] [groaning]
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