The Best of Desi Lydic as Guest Host | The Daily Show

[Music] you know that stupid look that's always on Tucker Carlson's face well today he has a good reason for it this just in to CNN Tucker Carlson is out at Fox News the right room Network just announced the two have parted ways CNN senior reporter Oliver Darcy is here with more on this what are you learning he was out on Friday will we see him say goodbye we're not going to see him say goodbye this is really stunning news coming from Fox they say his last show was April 21st they put out a very

short statement they say they thank him for his service and that's it that's all we know right now wow wow wow I can't believe that a network that's so opposed to gender affirming surgery just cut off their own dick no apparently Tucker was forced out by Rupert Murdoch which is pretty ironic Tucker spent so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to take our jobs away turns out you should have been worrying about Australians and we still don't know exactly what led Rupert Murdoch to f

ire his Network's biggest star but reportedly he was concerned over Carlson's conspiracy theories about January 6. so let this be a lesson to everybody if you try to topple America's democracy you can stay on TV for two more years and that's it but whatever the reason was Tucker's firing is going to leave a huge white power vacuum at Fox and I'm glad he's gone but if I'm being honest I'm also a little nervous about what he's going to do next you know it's like after Papa John got fired you just

knew he was out there somewhere working on a pizza that gives you even worse diarrhea let's move on to Washington D.C where Congress yesterday held hearings on coveted school closings with testimony from teachers union president Randy Weingarten and I think we can agree that this is an entirely reasonable subject for rational debate that is of course unless Q Anon Karen is involved Miss Weingarten are you a mother I am a mother by marriage by marriage I see um and my wife is here with me so I'm

really glad that she's here what I'd like to talk about is your recommendations to the CDC as not a medical doctor not a biological mother um and and really not a teacher people like you need to admit that you're just a political activist not a teacher not a mother and not a medical doctor Jesus what the hell was that about listen Marjorie you don't get to decide who's a mother or not that job exclusively belongs to gay men on tick tock also it's a little weird to hear MTG dissing stepmothers be

cause this woman has the most stepmom energy I have ever seen remember that white coat is not the coat you wear when you're a mom that's the that's what you wear when you're in someone's dad yesterday Carlson got fired from his job at Fox News and it was a huge surprise to everyone including Tucker apparently they only told him 10 minutes before announcing it publicly which is so cold I mean that's barely enough time to pack up all his Nazi memorabilia he was Fox's most popular anchor and they s

till fired him that'd be like if MSNBC fired him well imagine if there was a show people watched on MSNBC it would be like firing them and look I know people love making fun of Tucker but just just put yourself in his shoes say you're this massive piece of [ __ ] with no real friends and you gotta giggle like a Tickle Me Elmo and a dumb floppy haircut and you always have your mouth hanging open like you're drying your teeth I forgot where I was going with this Tucker's an [ __ ] now we still don

't know exactly what got Tucker fired maybe it was election lies that caused Fox News 787 million dollars maybe it was insulting his bosses in private texts maybe it was his overall Vibe of creepy Dad driving the babysitter home or maybe it was this The Daily Beast reports that Tucker's repeated use of the c word was a key factor in his demise according to text messages from the Dominion lawsuit Tucker referred to Trump lawyer Sydney Powell as the c word and a former producer at his show alleges

she heard the word around the office constantly female politicians who came on the show were mocked there were debates about who they'd rather sleep with see word all the time they use the c word use the c word at the office all the time Susan's taking lunch orders uh tell them I'll just have a salad hold the you know what do you want to share a ship for the audience at home I know that just got bleeped I just said the word but you know what you know what it's okay Tucker's allowed to say the c

word because he is one that's right Joe Biden is running for re-election well not running exactly the man is 80 years old ing for re-election if Joe if Joe Biden does win he would be 86 years old when he reaches the end of his second term hopefully which is one reason why 70 percent of Americans don't think he should run again and to be fair 86 is old not just for a president but for any job if my Lyft driver rolled up and was 86 years old I'd be do you need help getting home be good to have an

old man president you know if the economy collapses he could just find never-ending supply of quarters behind your ear one thing Joe Biden has going for him Donald Trump shockingly polls show that most people don't want him to run either and in Trump's case it's only partly about his age it's also about his tendency to steal stuff like classified documents and the election not to mention this guy's in court every other week hush money tax money he has a new trial starting in New York today and

you barely even knew about it Trump is in so many different types of legal trouble he could be in every spin-off of Law and Order crazy the guy's going for a crime egot so those are America's choices a guy who's in his 80th year of life and a guy who's facing 80 years to life begin with an update on former Fox News Grand wizard Tucker Carlson tonight Tucker re-emerged for the first time since he was fired recording a personal video from his business sauna good evening it's Tucker Carlson one of

the first things you realize when you step outside the noise for a few days is how many genuinely nice people there are in this country kind and decent people the other thing you notice when you take a little time off is how unbelievably stupid most of the debates you see on television are they're completely irrelevant they mean nothing in five years we won't even remember that we had them where can you still find Americans saying true things there aren't many places left but there are some and

that's enough as long as you can hear the words there is hope see you soon oh good for Tucker even though he's isolated in a remote cabin somewhere he's still getting his message out just like the Unabomber and you know what you know what let's get credit for not saying the c word once during this video Bravo Tucker I know that was really hard for you although it is funny how he said when you step outside the noise people are actually pretty nice buddy you are the noise your entire show was you

being mean to people trans people immigrants women Lady M Ms Tucker complaining about people being mean is like Guy Fieri complaining about how there are no salad shows so last month Bud Light did a social media campaign with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney and conservatives absolutely lost their [ __ ] over it they were filming themselves shooting cans running over cans hitting cans with a baseball bat it was like a Saw movie but starring Bud Light yeah but now their meltdown has even its

own merch America presents real real women don't have to fake it real women doing real things real women work too hard some big companies can't tell the difference between real and fake anymore real people know the difference that's why we're introducing the real women of politics coosi and if it covers up the label of a big woke company well that works too what the [ __ ] I mean seriously though what the hell like I'm sorry but can you really imagine conservative men using this thing I mean ma

ybe as a pocket play but that's it well I'm out fishing so this kiv flashlight has got to get the job done it's the old beer commercials I mean sure there were a lot of boobs but at least they weren't like these boobs are biological boobs this ad made no sense like what was going on with that woman shoving a giant fish into a tiny box is that something real women do it wasn't even near the sea it was like in a closet what is a fish even doing in a closet even that actor had no idea what was goin

g on she was like please tell me this is for porn weird Sarah Huckabee Sanders had and this should be obvious but I am so sick of this trans women are not real women a vagina having a crippling fear that you're using too many exclamation points in an email that is what makes you a woman two weeks ago a judge in Texas banned the abortion pill Nationwide for safety reasons because even though women have used it safely for over two decades he's a man and I guess he just knows better now thank God t

he Supreme Court has temporarily halted that decision at least until Clarence Thomas comes back from his all expenses paid Cruise but that doesn't stop individual states from enacting their own bans and over a dozen states already have including Wyoming which bans both mifepristone and a second abortion pill misoprostol but we but we looked into it and it turns out it's not a ban for everyone you can still get misoprostol in Wyoming as long as you're a dog or a cat or a horse because veterinaria

ns in Wyoming can still prescribe the pill for animals which means if you're a woman in Wyoming whose rights are being restricted you might need to get creative good girl I'm your mommy hi you must be Desi thank you so much for seeing me her my girl waffles of course and what can we do for waffles today uh waffles was wondering if you could write a prescription for the abortion pill okay when did your dog become pregnant [Music] um two weeks ago apparently thank you it's just not really a great

time for her you know she's really trying to focus on her career oh I see and what does she do for a living she's a sled dog she's a sled dog she's a solid dog yeah and she's also a bomb sniffing dog and as you know pregnancy really messes with the olfactory organs no that's not a thing but mostly she's a therapy dog aren't you Ruffles I thought you said her name was Waffle it's just so crazy that this would happen right now because she always uses protection Oh you mean she's fenced in oh she's

fenced in all right Breakers down there Jesus with all the challenges women are facing in the workplace I thought it was important to offer some mentorship to the next generation of female leaders take a look hi everybody my name is Desi and today I'm gonna tell you how to climb your way to the top of the corporate ladder just like the boys and sometimes it means playing dirty and sometimes it's going to be an uphill battle all right look to the person to your right now look at the person to yo

ur left okay we're still learning rights and laughs by the end of today only one of you will remain Evelyn yes we don't want to be boys but we should be like the boys not in a way that we're like the boys but we're going to be like empowered women and we're gonna get extremes accomplished then we're gonna get money then we're going to put in our bank account and get more money yeah because you've worked for it and I think what did she what is the key takeaway is that we want to beat the boys yea

h but what we want to fill our pockets with is the Department of Transportation going woke I I don't think it's woke to build good infrastructure I just saw Fox News taking a run at me for the work that we're doing on safety including the use of Crash Test Dummies that simulate men women and children and somehow this is is considered a woke priority to have female Crash Test Dummies even though that's something that's been around for a very long time Fox News has made loads of false statements a

bout you over the years what do you think do you think it's lawsuit time cash in on some of that 787 million coin it does sound like there's a lot of money in it but I think that'd probably be a bit of a distraction in my case possibly but you know I mean it could help fund some of these projects uh yeah I think I'd prefer to go through the Appropriations process but the amount of money in that lawsuit is as much as some of our Nationwide Transportation infrastructure programs oh yeah I mean tha

t could repair at least hundreds of feet a tunnel depending on the tunnel there's a lot of Buzz around detoxes but dietitians and doctors will tell you detoxing is a myth there is one ingredient though that takes some detoxes to another level it's called Senna leaf and thing is Santa can also cause stomach problems cramps and diarrhea after using Senna for a while you might not be able to poop without it [Applause] that's right if you take some of these products you might be as full of [ __ ] as

the influencers who sell them look I get why people want to believe this stuff works but if just drinking tea was the key to looking snatched the British royal family would look a lot different look the truth is you don't have to spend a single dollar to try a [ __ ] Wellness Trend just go on social media and you'll find plenty of ways to jeopardize your health for free Advocates of the saltwater flush claim chugging water mixed with two tablespoons of salt is a healthy way to clean out your co

lon but experts are issuing stern warnings dangerous as [ __ ] it's literally Napalm for your bowels it's the latest viral Health Trend with nearly 40 million views on Tick Tock the claim that putting tape on your mouth at night can help you get better sleep it's a trend that has some medical experts sounding the alarm you're risking things like Cardiac Arrest it can induce seizures there's a lot of risks to it doctors are warning against a viral Wellness Trend called perineum sunning they say i

t's not worth the risk of sun damage or even skin cancer foreign [Applause] just a general rule never try a trend that seems like it was invented by the guy next door with binoculars please please do not try that at home if you want to see a sunburned [ __ ] just watch the next presidential campaign [Applause] that's the last we'll see of him nailed his ass there are people in power here that have their agenda but there's some belief in me where you stay and you fight the good fight and you buil

d a community and make sure that people do not feel marginalized that people do not feel alone that people do not feel like they're the only ones in this fight and to me that's stronger than any political Movement we have done dinners here where we have brought different groups at the table to sit down and talk things out and I would say at the end of the dinner you still disagree the only difference is now you see the other person as a human being do you think this level of humanity and kindnes

s and Outreach that you do could ever exist in the Kentucky Legislature they come here for dinner I can ask them has Mitch McConnell ever we don't serve and tell you don't serve and tell we've been here 21 years I'll say this everyone's been through how many times have you spit in this food I waited I waited 10 years oh that is against everything I stand for I know a thing or two about spitting in food despite not taking my advice and left me feeling hopeful so I sobered up and hit the streets t

o see if other people shared Ed's vision you have to have hope because otherwise you wake up and you live in fear and that's not what we in Kentucky do we get up and we go to work and we take care of our families and we're good to our neighbors when something bad happens in the state everyone rallies together and the good fight still continues on we are the solution and we truly have got to become much more forceful and active I think we can make it uncomfortable enough for those who are in char

ge of the voting who are in charge of representing us yeah make them uncomfortable slip of some laxatives kids car not a bag of [ __ ] on his doorstep you know the problem with it only makes me look bad that would not achieve the goal I have plus it takes all that time to [ __ ] in the bag and light it on fire that's right right thank you I know we can get some good bourbon around here well at my house but either way I'll follow you actually you know um there I actually have a sign if you don't

mind picking up the tab I've racked up quite the bill you said kentuckians are generous right [Music]