[Music] it's time for ABC's personality roast with tonight's Trio of roaster Mr Slappy [Music] white Rip [Music] Taylor f [Applause] and this evening's Master of Ceremonies paw cartright himself Mr Lauren [Music] [Applause] [Music] Green thank you good evening and welcome to ABC's personality roast and before I introduce our personality rast for the evening let me bring out some other celebrities who really need no introduction [Applause] [Music] celebrities and now it gives me great pleasure to
introduce our personality rasty for the hour ladies and gentlemen Ed Amin d [Applause] president Ian welcome by the way idy would have been here earlier tonight but he always brushes between cabinet ministers and now on with this evening's roasting leading off tonight is one of America's favorite funny men Slappy white a lot of people a lot of people don't realize what a fine actor Slappy really is and that's because he's not a fine actor you know Slappy isn't just a comedian he also sings he d
ances he does impressions in fact his friends call him the black Sammy Davis Jr [Applause] [Music] [Applause] H I smell a strange odor around here somewhere Lord is those the boots you wore in Bonanza you can wipe your feet before you came up here good evening ladies and gentlemen members of the D our distinguished guest I guess you all know why we are gathered here for one reason fear we got to give our guests a score for the Bucking all the great Powers even America is a little afid because Ug
anda is the only place where the Harlem Globe trouts won't play e baby they tell me that you were so tough when you caught the flu the doctor gave the penicillin to the virus but let me tell don't laugh Edy because you in a bad spot and I am too you are the type of guy that would go to Stevie Wonder's house and rearrange the furniture I didn't know you were so much hated until you clown Echo Mountain and you yell out your name and the voice yell back [Applause] [Music] jump and that's when you t
ook all your pictures off the poster stamps because people were spitting on the wrong side but Big Daddy I got a picture of you in my home it's in the bottom of my bird cage I speak my mind about ID me dada and I'm not afraid of him I just say anything I want about you if I don't say anything I want about you my name is not nipy [Music] [Applause] [Music] Russell thank you clappy thank you I just figured out how I got his name because after seeing his act I really want to haul off and slap him m
aybe eat he does our next mistake uh mistake our next guest is a man of stage screen and nightclubs and television that's right he over stage put up a screen he was a bus boy in a nightclub and he repairs television sets but let me introduce you The brilliantly Talented and funny red [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] buttons thank you thank you I am here tonight for one reason that reason is not Lauren Green I have other reasons for being here tonight I'm here to ask one question ladies and
gentlemen one little question why are we giving this doodo this a dinner when some of the nicest sweetest most lovable people in the history of the world never got a dinner Adolf Hitler who once said all I want is peace peace of Poland peace of Russia never got a dinner never got a dinner this man sitting here with the medals on the doodoo is getting a dinner here tonight genas Khan the Chinese conqueror why shouldn't he bite my arm two weeks ago he ate Andrew [Music] Young Fidel Castro who once
said sure we got trouble we're only 90 miles from Anita [Applause] Bryant John wils Booth who said I wanted a Cadillac not a Lincoln never got a dinner never got a dinner this man they give a dinner I'm getting sore now King Henry VII King Henry VII who said to an berin you'd forget your head if it wasn't tucked under your arm Jack the Ripper Jack the Ripper who said to Don Rickles it's fun isn't it never got a dinner and last but not least Nero's wife who said to Nero while Rome was burning Yo
u Light Up My [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Life well good night folks [Laughter] oh what a funny man he got never got no red buttons never got a dinner he has such a great gift he can make people laugh anytime he wants to I guess for the last 20 years you just didn't want to right red but red is a big deal in Show Business anytime he mention the name someone says big deal but time now to bring A Touch of Class A Moment of dignity and sophistication to this evening proceedings unfortunat
ely that just ain't going to happen because our next rooster is one of the real crazies of the world the confetti poster child Rip [Applause] [Music] Taylor let me hear it well Ed I mean sent a limousine for me but luckily I got out of the way just in time that's the first one hello if we were if we were in Uganda now he'd be roasting us hello I get all your names oh Billy Carter's beer mug [Applause] car H&R Block said hi that's let me oh wait a minute see the burns on his face you got him from
bobbing for French fries can't you hear me well it's not my bag it's not they're blind on this side hello ELD cleer pick up a white courtesy phone please I got these bagels for the Panama Canal locks Panama read that will you pleas holy mackerel King C call your mommy now wait a minute you know inflation's also in Uganda too inflation everything is going up here too even the of down is up it's all going up my my tattoo is tat three hello I'm sorry I take that back I know it you watch that ridin
g crop too everything everything's going up pumper nickels pumper dime I went into a sandwich shop and asked for a poor boy and the owner came out look I have my handicap [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome to Cola [Music] TV oh terrible job rip really terrible let me tell you something about rip he's given hope to a lot of young comedians they know that if rip can be a success anyone can make it and now ladies and gentlemen oh the man of the Hour his Excellency the president of Uganda
for life I'm in [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Dada thank you very much Lauren I haven't had this much fun since the raidon in Tibby now I like to speak to each one uh Our Stars i' like to speak to you in order of importance but uh that's impossible because I can't speak to all of you last yes my good friend Slappy white by the way Sho to me shello for me to your lovely wife Betty I would not say that sap isn't very smart but he had to cram to take the Pepsi taste test
this is a great man you all know the purpose of a comedian is to make people happy and if stby white announced his retirement he'd make everybody happy and of course Mr red button t a truly funny man I don't care what you say about his act Slappy I have an official announcement to make I Ed Amin Dada have cast red buttons in a movie about my life story he's going to play my [Music] lunch I I I just love Jewish food thank you and of course Rip Taylor among comedians Rip Taylor is considered a re
al zening and after watching him tonight I finally understand what RIP stand for rest in [Applause] [Music] peace and last but not least um Master of Ceremonies Mr Lauren Green I like greens seriously though I had a long talk with L before the show and I found it very beneficial I needed to sleep well I I'd like to stay longer but my tank is double par let me leave you all with the words of a famous Ugandan philosopher umoma Sai which means in English I'd like to invite you all back to my countr
y for [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] lunch [Music] oh
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