[ Olaf Andersen ]
UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE. YOUR ATTENTION. I THINK YOU ALL KNOW OUR GUESTS
OF HONOR TODAY. OUR GREAT
CONGRESSMAN, JEFF JOHNSON, AND VERA JOHNSON,
HIS LOVELY AND
GRACIOUS WIFE. MANY OF YOU KNOW THAT JEFF
IS NOW COMPLETELY RECOVERED
FROM A TRIPLE BYPASS OPERATION. DOESN'T HE LOOK GREAT ? I NEVER FELT BETTER. BEFORE I TURN THE FLOOR
OVER TO THE CONGRESSMAN, I'D
LIKE TO THANK MY OLD FRIENDS, MR. AND MRS. ZEKE BRIDGES,
FOR THE USE OF THEIR
WONDERFUL,
LOVELY HOME. [ Andersen ]
THANK YOU, ZEKE. NOW, SIRS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN THE 20 YEARS
OF THE GREAT-- SOM-BITCH ! UH... WELL, SEEMS
LIKE A HOST'S WORK
IS NEVER DONE. [ Laughing ] NOW, IN THE 20 YEARS... THAT THE HONORABLE JEFFERSON
DAVIS JOHNSON HAS BEEN OUR
REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS-- EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, PETE ? [ Andersen ] WHATEVER
OUR WALK OF LIFE: EXCUSE ME. UTILITIES, PHARMACEUTICALS-- PARDON ME.
HI, MALCOLM. ONE BOURBON SOUR
STRAIGHT UP
WITH EXTRA ORANGE, AND O
NE GIBSON,
NO ONION, AND TWO WHITE WINE SPRITZERS
AND A LOWENBRAU. [ Jamaican Accent ]
ALLOW ME TO LIGHT YOUR CIGARETTE
FOR YOU. HOLD THIS FOR ME, SIR. THE WAY YOUR HAIR MATCHES
YOUR EYES, I DON'T KNOW
HOW I CAN CONTROL MYSELF. EXCUSE ME,
I'LL GET THOSE DRINKS. I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE INGA.
YOU DON'T LOOK SWEDISH. YOU'RE SO DIFFERENT
FROM YOUR PICTURE. [ Swedish Accent ]
THAT WASN'T ME ON THE TV, BUT THAT SURE WAS ME
ON THE TELEPHONE. [ Normal Voice ]
YOU WANT ME TO
PROVE IT, ZEKE ? YOU TO
LD ME THAT YOU
WANT ME TO TIE YOU UP
AND BEAT YOU WITH-- MY GOD, INGA,
THAT WAS ON THE PHONE. I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D
BE IN MY HOUSE. YOU'VE
GOT TO GET OUTTA HERE. [ Swedish Accent ]
BUT YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED ME !
YOU TOLD ME TO QUIT MY JOB... [ Normal Voice ]
AND NOW, HONEY, HERE I AM. - NOT NOW, WAITER. PLEASE !
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I'LL HANDLE THIS. YOU ! BAG ON THE FLOOR,
HANDS IN THE AIR.
DO IT ! SERGEANT BROWN, VICE SQUAD,
UNDERCOVER OPERATIONS. -I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, DIRTY PI
G !
-SHUT UP ! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. -MY GOD, WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE ?
-SIR, YOU'VE BEEN THE TARGET OF
A RUTHLESS GANG OF CON ARTISTS. IT ALL STARTED WHEN
YOU CALLED THE "GIRLS OF
MANY NATIONS" PARTY LINE. IT'S 1-900-PHONE-SEX ? YOU PUT IT ON YOUR
CREDIT CARD INSTEAD
OF YOUR PHONE BILL... 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT
YOUR WIFE TO SEE IT,
RIGHT ? BIG MISTAKE. THE GANG USED YOUR
CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO FIND OUT
EVERYTHING THEY COULD ABOUT YOU. IT'S THE GANG'S M.O. TO
WAIT UNTIL THE VICTIM'S
HAVIN
G A BIG PARTY... AND WILL DO ANYTHING,
PAY BIG MONEY,
TO AVOID EMBARRASSMENT. EMBARRASSMENT ?
SOM-BITCH ! THIS GOES
BEYOND EMBARRASSMENT ! A HUNDRED OF
MY VERY BEST FRIENDS PAID
A THOUSAND DOLLARS APIECE... TO HAVE A DRINK
WITH CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT
MY WIFE IS PROBABLY
LOOKING FOR ME RIGHT NOW. THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT THEIR EVIL SCHEME
IS DEPENDING ON. IN FACT, ANY SECOND NOW,
A HUGE LATINO MAN'S... GONNA BURST IN PRETENDING
HE'S AN OUTRAGED HUSBAND. INGA ! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'
WITH MY WIFE ? SEñOR-- [ Bridges ]
IT'S OKAY, ALICE. MY FRIEND, RUM AND COKE. DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE IN,
PLEASE. THANKS. [ Armando ] DID HE TOUCH YOU ? I GOT YOUR
RUM AND COKE. THERE'S YOUR RUM
AND COKE, AND SHE CAN
DRINK IT WITH YOU ! [ Speaking Spanish, Indistinct ] HEY, I CALLATE LA BOCA ! I CáLLATE LA BOCA AHORA !
I AHORA ASí ! NOW YOU SEE HOW THEY WERE
GONNA PLAN TO CON YOU
OUTTA YOUR MONEY. BUT I KNOW BETTER,
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE
A COURAGEOUS CITIZEN, AND I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA TESTIFY.
YE
S, YOU'RE GONNA TESTIFY. OH ! - I CAN'T TESTIFY.
- SURE YOU CAN. ALL YOU'VE
DONE WAS PHONE SEX. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE DONE THAT. HE WANTED ME
TO TIE HIM UP... AND SPANK HIM WITH
A WET GARTER BELT. [ Chuckling ]
NO, NO, NOT ME. NO, NO. [ Thomas ] EXCUSE ME. THAT IS BETWEEN THE FANTASY
HOSTESS AND THE FREAK.
I DON'T EVEN WANNA HEAR IT. "FREAK" ? HEY, POPPY. I GOT A TAPE IN THE CAR.
EIGHT-TRACK OR CASSETTE.
YOU WANNA HEAR IT ? NO, NO ! NO, NO !
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SIR, PLEASE. THEY'RE TRYI
NG TO INTIMIDATE YOU
BY TELLING YOU THAT THEY HAVE AN
AUDIO TAPE OF YOU FREAKING ON-- DID YOU THINK YOU WERE
GONNA INTIMIDATE HIM ?
YOU'RE NOT INTIMIDATING HIM. HE'S GOING TO TESTIFY,
BECAUSE HIS FAMILY MAY
NOT KNOW HE'S A FREAK, BUT HE'S BEEN MARRIED
20, 30 YEARS. HIS WIFE
KNOWS HE'S A FREAK. "FREAK" ? UH, SERGEANT BROWN,
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU
IN PRIVATE, PLEASE. MR. BRIDGES, I CAN'T LEAVE
THE SUSPECTS BY THEMSELVES. WELL, LET'S, UH, LOCK 'EM
IN THE CRAPPER. OKAY, COME ON.
MOVE IN THE BATHROO
M. COME ON, MAN, MOVE IT.
COME ON ! [ Speaking Spanish, Indistinct ] HEY, HEY ! VAMANOS,
MUCHACHOS, GODDAMMIT ! NOW YOU'VE ALL MET MY
LEGISLATIVE ASSISTANT, KIMBERLY. KIMBERLY AND MY FINE STAFF,
ALONG WITH MYSELF, WILL BE AVAILABLE TO YOU
24 HOURS A DAY. I'M PROUD TO BE
YOUR MAN IN WASHINGTON. I PLAN TO KEEP GOIN' BACK AS
LONG AS YOU KEEP SENDIN' ME. [ Cheering ] PLEASE LISTEN,
SERGEANT. I'M THE CHAIRMAN OF A LARGE,
CONSERVATIVE INSURANCE COMPANY. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW YOUR CHIEF,
SERGEANT BROWN
. HELP ME AND
YOU'LL BE LIEUTENANT BROWN. JUST GET THESE PEOPLE
THE HELL OUTTA HERE QUIETLY. MR. BRIDGES, I KNOW
THESE PEOPLE. OKAY ? IF YOU LET THEM GO,
THEY'RE JUST GONNA
BLACKMAIL YOU. I DON'T CARE.
WHAT DO THEY WANT ? GOIN' BY THEIR OTHER VICTIMS,
IT COSTS LIKE $5,000. OKAY. THAT'S 5,000 EACH,
YOU KNOW. OKAY. YOU KNOW THERE'S
FOUR PEOPLE IN THE GANG. - TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS ?
- SEE, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TELLIN' YOU. I THINK YOU SHOULD
TESTIFY. NO, I CAN'T. - PLEASE PUT
YOUR MONEY AWAY, SI
R.
- LOOK, IT'S... IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T
HAVE THAT MUCH CASH.
I'VE ONLY GOT $12,000. SEE, AND THERE'S
FOUR PEOPLE IN THE GANG. WAIT A MINUTE. - MY ROLEX.
- OH, MR. BRIDGES, NO.
NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, SIR. NO, IT'S WORTH $10,000. OH, MR. BRIDGES, I DON'T
WANNA TAKE YOUR WATCH,
I DON'T WANNA TAKE YOUR MONEY. BESIDES, THEY DON'T WANT
A WATCH. THEY WANT CASH. TAKE THE DAMN MONEY ! TAKE THE WATCH, PLEASE !
GET THEM OUTTA HERE
AND GET THAT TAPE. YOU KNOW THIS GOES AGAINST
MY EVERY PRINCIPLE. DARLIN
', DON'T YOU
LOOK WONDERFUL. GLAD TO SEE YA. NICE TO--
HEY, HOW'S THAT KNEE, HUH ? [ Speaking Spanish, Indistinct ] HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY !
[ Spanish, Indistinct ] INGA WILL MISS YOU !
BYE-BYE. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?
I GOTTA GO GET THE TAPE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE
THEM THE MONEY UNTIL I
GET THE TAPE IN MY HAND. COME WITH ME. CHIEF ! BY GOLLY, AM I
GLAD TO SEE YOU. I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
I HAD AN EMERGENCY. YOU KNOW SERGEANT-- [ Bridges ]
WHERE'D HE GO ? SERGEANT BROWN,
THE VICE SQUAD. WE DON'T HAVE
A
VICE SQUAD. YOU DON'T HAVE A--
SOM-BITCH ! OH, WAITER, WHERE'S
MY BOURBON SOUR ? OH, YOU MUST THINK
I'M KAREEM. I'M JAMAL. HE STIFF YOU ON YOUR
DRINKS TOO ? HE FIRED. KAREEM ! WAIT RIGHT THERE.
KAREEM, WHERE'S THIS WOMAN'S
DRINK ? THIS WOMAN'S THIRSTY ! [ Man ] I'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED
THE TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER. [ Woman ] OH, THANK YOU. [ Man ]
WHY DON'T WE
SIT DOWN OVER HERE ? [ Guests Laughing ] OLAF, I'M THINKING
OF RETIRING FROM CONGRESS. YOU CAN'T RETIRE. YOU JUST
PROMISED ALL THESE PE
OPLE
YOU'RE GONNA RUN AGAIN. THAT WAS A POLITICAL PROMISE.
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN
TO BELIEVE THAT. [ Andersen ]
ZEKE, COME HERE.
LISTEN TO THIS. HAVE YOU ALL SEEN
A WAITER COME THROUGH HERE ? NO, I HAVEN'T, BUT, ZEKE,
I NEED YOUR HELP. HEY ! WHAT'S GOT INTO ZEKE ? DAMNED IF I KNOW. LISTEN, JEFF, YOU KNOW
YOU GOT THE BEST JOB
IN THE WORLD, DON'T YOU ? YOU GET TO GO
HUNTING, FISHING,
SKIING AND GOLFING. THE BEST RESORTS.
THEN YOU GET TO CALL IT,
"OFFICIAL BUSINESS," HUH ? AND, JEFF, YOU KNO
W THERE'S
NO APHRODISIAC LIKE POWER. ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL AND INTELLIGENT
WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY ? AH, THE JOY'S GONE OUT
OF CONGRESS, OLAF. NO, THAT PERKS THING
WAS THE LAST STRAW. AND WHO NEEDS
THE AGGRAVATION ?
LIFE'S TOO SHORT. YEAH, WELL, LOOK, JEFF.
YOU CAN'T RETIRE. IF I RETIRE THIS YEAR,
I GET TO KEEP $1.3 MILLION... THAT'S LEFT IN
MY CAMPAIGN FUND. IT'S CALLED
"THE GRANDFATHER LOOPHOLE." ALL RIGHT, JEFF.
I GOT IT. COME HERE. THERE'S THIS SMALL SOFTWARE
COMPANY T
HAT'S ABOUT
TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF. NOW, WHAT YOU DO, YOU BUY
A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS
WORTH OF STOCK OPTIONS. IT'S GONNA BRING IN A HALF
A MILLION DOLLARS EASY.
THAT'S JUST FOR OPENERS. HUH ? IF YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT,
I SUPPOSE I... HAVE A DUTY TO CONTINUE
MY CAREER IN PUBLIC SERVICE. "DUTY" ! [ Chuckles ]
YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE, JEFF. I AM DEFINITELY
IN THE WRONG BUSINESS. - SOM-BITCH !
- WELL ? SOM-BITCH ! YES ! [ Laughing Together ] [ Swedish Accent ]
I LOVE IT ! [ Grunting, Groaning ] [ Woma
n Sighing ] [ Johnson ]
OHH ! OH, KIMBERLY ! [ Kimberly ]
OH, CONGRESSMAN ! [ Johnson ]
OH, KIMBERLY,
YOU'RE SO GOOD ! YEAH ! OH ! OH, GOD ! OH, OH !
OH, I GOT A CRAMP ! I GOT A CRAMP.
IT'S OKAY, DON'T STOP.
DON'T STOP ! OH ! YEAH, YEAH !
OH, GOD, YES, YES ! KIMBERLY !
YEAH ! OH, CONGRESSMAN ! OH, NOW, NOW ! YEAH !
OH ! OH, MY GOD ! OH, CONGRESSMAN ! OH, MY GOD !
OH, MY-- [ Gagging ] [ Kimberly Panting ] [ Panting ] OH, MY GOD ! ♪♪ [ Funeral Organ ] [ Dick Dodge ]
IT WAS MY HONOR...
TO SERVE WITH JEFF JOHNSON
IN CONGRESS FOR A GENERATION. NO ONE WAS A BETTER LEGISLATOR,
A BETTER HUSBAND. WE'RE GONNA MISS HIM.
BUT WE ARE GRATEFUL THAT
HIS PASSING WAS PEACEFUL. THE CONSUMMATE
PUBLIC SERVANT, WORKING LATE INTO THE NIGHT
AT HIS DESK. THANK YOU. [ Dodge ]
VERA ? LET ME TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE IN HERE. EXCUSE ME. UH, NOW... I KNOW THAT, UH,
YOU'RE STILL IN SHOCK
OVER JEFF'S PASSING, BUT, WELL, WE NEED
TO TALK ABOUT HIS SEAT. WE DO ? I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU
TO ANNOUNCE THAT YOU'RE
GONNA RUN FOR CONGRESS. WITH YOUR NAME,
YOU CAN'T LOSE. MRS. JEFF JOHNSON
WOULD WIN IN A WALK. DICK, I'VE BEEN
A WASHINGTON WIFE FOR 20 YEARS. I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH
BULLSHIT FOR ONE LIFETIME. I'D HELP. I'D BE
RUNNING THE OFFICE
NIGHT AND DAY. I'M SURE YOU WOULD, DEAR.
BUT I COULDN'T GIVE YOU... THE SAME KIND OF JOB
SATISFACTION JEFF GAVE YOU. UH-HUH. HOW DID I END UP
WITH A THIEF
FOR A GRANDSON ? HEY ! AHA !
HEY, THIEVES STEAL. I CON, ALL RIGHT ?
IT'S DIFFERENT.
I'M AN ARTIST. I'M A CON ARTIS
T. -HEY, LOOK ! THERE'S THE NEW AD.
-HEY. [ Loretta As Inga ]
I AM INGA. I AM
HERE FROM SWEDEN... AND I'M SO LONELY. I NEED A MAN,
AND SO DO MY GIRLFRIENDS. MARIA, MY HOT-BLOODED
SPANISH FRIEND. BABETTE, ZEE
PARISIAN PUSSYCAT... [ Meows ] AND MANY OTHERS. I HOPE YOU SPRAIN YOUR LIPS
FROM DOIN' THIS. I HOPE YOUR LIP MUSCLES
FREEZE UP. WE TAKE ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS. [ Loretta As Inga ]
SO CALL THE GIRLS
OF MANY NATIONS AT... [ Swedish Accent ]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY ACCENT, GRANDMA ? VERY, VE
RY GOOD.
HEY, HEY. [ Telephone Ringing ] THANK YOU FOR CALLING "GIRLS
OF MANY NATIONS" PARTY LINE. FOR HOT-BLOODED
ITALIAN WILDCATS, PRESS ONE NOW. FOR PERKY AMERICAN CHEERLEADERS,
PRESS TWO NOW. FOR A BUSTY SWEDISH LOVE
GODDESS, PRESS THREE NOW. [ Single Tone ] ANOTHER CUSTOMER FOR INGA. DON'T YOU DARE
TALK TO THAT MAN ! [ Swedish Accent ]
HELLO, THIS IS INGA. OH, HELLO, PAUL.
HOW ARE YOU ? OH ! [ Giggles ] TELL ME,
PAUL, DO YOU HAVE MASTERCARD ? IF YOU DON'T HANG UP
THAT PHONE, I WILL
FLUSH
IT DOWN THE TOILET ! UH, NO, PAUL.
CALL ME LATER, PLEASE. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ?
THIS IS MY BUSINESS. YOU ARE NOT ONLY A CON MAN,
YOU GET YOUR COUSIN LORETTA... TO HELP YOU BY TALKIN'
DIRTY ? SHAME ON YOU ! GRANNY ! YOU MAD 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
SHOW MY PICTURE AROUND
THE POOL NO MORE, GRANDMA ? OF COURSE NOT. LOOK WHAT THESE ARTHRITIC HANDS
HAVE BEEN DOIN'. OH-- DON'T "OH."
WHAT ARE YOU "OH-ING" ? THOMAS JEFFERSON JOHNSON. WHY
YOU KEEP USIN' MY MIDDLE NAME ? IT SOUND LIKE A TAP DANCER
OR SO
METHIN'. MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU,
THOMAS. MAKE ME PROUD
OF THE NAME YOU CARRY. I'M NED GRABLE, VICE PRESIDENT
AND GENERAL MANAGER OF WFL. WE THINK MRS. JEFF JOHNSON
DID THE RIGHT THING... IN NOT RUNNING FOR THE
CONGRESSIONAL SEAT LEFT VACANT
BY HER HUSBAND'S DEATH. JEFF JOHNSON'S NAME
MAY STILL BE MAGIC, BUT IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN
THE MAGIC OF NAME RECOGNITION... TO SOLVE
OUR REGION'S PROBLEMS. I'M NED GRABLE. NAME RECOGNITION. LORDY, WHAT A NOTION. PEOPLE WOULD HAVE TO BE
SOME KIND OF BOOBS... JUST
TO VOTE FOR SOMEBODY
BECAUSE THEIR NAME WAS JOHNSON. I REMEMBER ONCE BACK IN GEORGIA.
THEY EVEN ELECTED A DEAD MAN. HIS NAME WAS STILL
ON THE BALLOT AND... FOLKS WERE JUST USED
TO VOTING FOR HIM. [ Loretta ]
OKAY. BYE-BYE. MY FRIENDS, I WANNA
TELL Y'ALL ABOUT A TOWN... WHERE THE STREETS
ARE PAVED WITH GOLD. I'M TALKIN' ABOUT A TOWN
WHERE THE MARKS WILL TAKE YOU
TO DINNER AFTER YOU FUCK 'EM. I'M TALKIN' ABOUT A PLACE THAT,
WHEN THEY RUN OUTTA MONEY,
THEY JUST PRINT SOME MORE. IN THIS TOWN, A
CAT BOUNCED
900 CHECKS, DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
TO GO TO JAIL. - YOU MEAN LAS BEGAS.
- NO, NOT LAS BEGAS. NO, HONEY, HE'S TALKIN'
ABOUT WASHINGTON, D.C. I-- YOU ALL
READY FOR THIS ? I AM RUNNING
FOR CONGRESS. - WHAT IS THIS, A JOKE ?
- WHAT'S THE CON, T ? YEAH, I DON'T
GET IT, MAN. YO, MAN, VAN DYKE. YEAH. - YOU REMEMBER WILLIE SUTTON ?
- MY HERO. WHAT DID WILLIE SUTTON
SAY WHEN THEY ASKED HIM
HOW COME HE ROBBED BANKS ? - THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY IS.
- EXACTLY. WASHINGTON, D.C.
THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY
IS. LISTEN, I HAVE
BEEN DOIN' SOME RESEARCH.
I'VE BEEN TO THE LIBRARY. [ Laughing ] WHY YOU LAUGHING ? CONGRESSMEN,
WHEN THEY GET ELECTED, THEY GET $130,000 A YEAR.
THAT'S THEIR BASE SALARY. BUT THEN THEY HAVE THESE THINGS
CALLED "PACS." OKAY, POLITICAL
ACTION COMMITTEES, RIGHT ? THEN THERE'S THESE LOBBYISTS.
THE LOBBYISTS' WHOLE POINT
IN LIFE IS TO BUY YOU OFF. THEY BUY YOU OFF
AND IT'S TOTALLY LEGAL. IT'S THE CON OF
A LIFETIME, AND I KNOW
WE CAN DO THIS SHIT. WHO "WE," WHITE MAN ? WE ! US !
IF I GET ELECTED,
I GOTTA HAVE A STAFF. I'M GONNA GET A STAFF
ALLOWANCE. IT SAYS HERE
THAT NEW CONGRESS-- YOU GET A STAFF ALLOWANCE
OF $537,000. [ Armando ]
OOH ! DAMN ! OOH ! SEñOR ! I GET THAT KINDA CASH,
I'M SPLITTING IT UP WITH
MY HOMIES AND MY HOMETTE. HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU GONNA
GET YOUR BUTT TO CONGRESS ? YEAH, T. WHY THE HELL
WOULD ANYBODY VOTE FOR YOU ? IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE VOTING
FOR ME. THEY'RE VOTING
FOR NAME RECOGNITION. THE CONGRESSMAN HERE
WAS JEFF JOHNSON. MY MIDDLE NAME IS
JEFFERSON,
LAST NAME IS JOHNSON. CUT OFF THE THOMAS,
SHORTEN THE JEFFERSON, JEFF JOHN--
NOBODY KNOWS THAT
THEIR CONGRESSMAN IS DEAD. WHO KNOWS THAT JEFF IS DEAD.
HE'S A CONGRESSMAN. WHO CARES ? IF I GET ON THE BALLOT
AS JEFF JOHNSON,
NOBODY'S GONNA KNOW. WELL, HOW YOU GONNA
GET ON THE BALLOT ? THAT'S WHERE YOU ALL
COME INTO PLAY. MY FRIENDS, I NEED, UH,
[ Chuckling ]... I NEED, UH,
5,625 SIGNATURES. [ Laughing ] I KNEW THIS
"WE" SHIT HAD A CATCH. HEY, MAN, YOU ALL
GOT A BETTER PLAN ? I DO. WHO
ARE THESE "SILVER FOXES" ?
OLD PEOPLE WHO JUST
LIKE TO VOTE ? IT'S A POLITICAL PARTY.
THE BIG THING IS, THEY GOT
THEIR OWN LINE ON THE BALLOT. THEY ALREADY GOT
THE SIGNATURES. MAY I HELP YOU ? UH, GOOD AFTERNOON. WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
TO SEE HATTIE RIFKIN. RIGHT. YOU WANNA
TALK POLITICS ? TALK. UH, WE WAS WONDERIN',
WHO YOU GONNA RUN
FOR CONGRESS THIS YEAR ? AH, THE USUAL
SACRIFICIAL LAMB. PROBABLY SYLVIA ROLAND.
SHE JUST LOST HER HUSBAND. SHE NEEDS TO MEET
NEW PEOPLE. WHY ? MISS RIFKIN.
I
'D LIKE TO RUN ON THE
SILVER FOXES' TICKET. I BELIEVE AND
CARE ABOUT YOU
AND YOUR ISSUES. THAT'S WHAT MY SON SAYS,
BUT DOES HE CALL ? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
A GROUP OF ALTER KAKERS... IS GONNA SUPPORT A MAN
WHO HASN'T CLIPPED
HIS FIRST NOSE HAIR YET ? BECAUSE I CAN WIN. NO, NO. A REPUBLICAN CAN WIN.
A DEMOCRAT CAN WIN. A SILVER FOX CAN ONLY MAKE
A SYMBOLIC POINT. MRS. RIFKIN, IF YOU GET ME ON
THE SILVER FOXES' BALLOT LINE, AND IF YOU GIVE ME
THE SUPPORT-- IF, IF. AND DI BUBBEH VOLT GEHAT
BAITZI
M, VOLT ZI GEVEN A ZEYDE. BUT GOT HASTE OYKH
CANE NAAR NIT ZINE. - [ Chuckling ]
- UH, WHAT'S ALL THIS ? OH, SHE JUST SAID THAT
IF MY GRANDMOTHER HAD BALLS,
SHE'D BE MY GRANDFATHER. AND I TOLD HER
THAT GOD NEVER TOLD
NOBODY TO BE STUPID. WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN
TO SPEAK YIDDISH ? [ Yiddish Accent ] I LEARNED
IT FROM MORRIS ELFBEIN,
DA GIN KING OF MIAMI BEACH. HE TAUGHT ME THAT
AND HE ALSO TAUGHT ME... YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE
THE BEST CARDS TO WIN THE HAND. MAYBE NOT IN GIN,
BUT IN PO
LITICS, YOUNG MAN,
YOU NEED MONEY TO WIN. YOU NEED A NAME TO WIN.
YOU NEED-- - I DO HAVE A NAME.
- WHAT, YOU'RE AN ATHLETE ? - YOU'RE NOT ON MTV, ARE YOU ?
- MY NAME IS JOHNSON. JEFF JOHNSON.
THE NAME YOU KNOW. JEFF JOHNSON ? WELL, THAT'S A NAME EVEN OUR
ALZHEIMER'S GROUP WILL REMEMBER. I'M NOT QUITE SURE I UNDERSTAND,
PROFESSOR FRANKLIN. YOU DID YOUR DOCTORAL THESIS
ON MY HUSBAND ? YES, MRS. JOHNSON.
YOUR HUSBAND WAS
A VERY GREAT MAN. HE DID SO MUCH
TO HELP MY PEOPLE. I REMEMBER THE TIME
HE SA
ID THAT WELFARE
IS A DRUG... AND YOU HAVE TO KICK IT
LIKE COLD TURKEY. AND AT THE TIME,
I WAS ON WELFARE
AND I DID JUST THAT. IT INSPIRED ME TO GET ON WITH
MY LIFE. VERY INSPIRATIONAL. YES, WELL, REALLY. I'M SURE IF HE WERE ALIVE-- I WAS ACTUALLY IN THE
AUDIENCE ONE DAY... WHEN HE LOOKED OUT
AND HE SAID, "IF
YOU PEOPLE'D... "GET OFF YOUR DEAD ASSES
AND GO LOOK FOR WORK, MAYBE AMERICA CAN BE
A DECENT PLACE
TO LIVE IN AGAIN." THAT INSPIRED ME.
MY GOD, IT MADE ME
MOVE MY ASS. AND I HAVE A POSTER
OF THAT ON MY WALL, AND I SHOW IT
TO ALL MY RELATIVES
AND FRIENDS AND NEGROES. REALLY, WELL. IT'S KIND
OF YOU TO COME ALL THE WAY
FROM-- WHERE WAS IT ? THE WILSON PICKETT STATE, UH,
TEACHERS' COLLEGE, MA'AM. BUT I DIDN'T
JUST COME HERE TO PAY
MY RESPECTS TO YOUR HUSBAND. I CAME HERE BECAUSE,
BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND
DESERVES AN ARCHIVE... WHERE STUDENTS
CAN STUDY HIS LEGACY. SO YOU WANT HIS PAPERS. NOT JUST
HIS PAPERS, MA'AM. I WOULD LIKE ALL BUTTONS AND
POSTERS AND BUMPER STICKERS... AND ALL THE
CAMPAIGN PARAPHERNALIA
YOU CAN SPARE, MA'AM. I KNOW YOU MAY HAVE
A SENTIMENTAL ATTACHMENT TO
A LOT OF THESE THINGS AND YOU-- - TAKE 'EM.
- PARDON ME ? TAKE 'EM ALL. DO YOU WANT
THE WEDDING PHOTOS TOO ? OH, I DON'T KNOW IF I
THINK THAT'S NECESSARY. THAT'S LUCKY, SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO
ROOTING AROUND IN THE GARBAGE. OH. HMM. HMM. YOU'RE IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE
FOR A PROFESSOR. DO YOU WORK OUT ? UH, WHY, YES.
DO YOU ? WHY, YES. HMM. [ Van Dyke ] ARE YOU
SURE YOU DON'T WANNA COME
TO WASHINGTON WITH
US, HOMER ? NO, I GOT
A BUSINESS TO RUN. BYE-BYE. [ Telephone Ringing ] HELLO.
WHO ? LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
NO, MR. JOHNSON WILL NOT
ATTEND THE DEBATE. NO, I'M SORRY, BETTY. I CANNOT
TIE UP THIS LINE. THANK YOU. [ Ringing ] HELLO ? "STAR-LEDGER." NO, WE'RE
FRESH OUT OF PHOTOGRAPHS
OF MR. JOHNSON. NO, YOU CAN'T.
HE'S JUST HAD SURGERY
FOR A DEVIATED SEPTUM. YEAH, THANK YOU. [ Ringing ] HELLO ? [ Swedish Accent ]
JA, THIS IS INGA. [ Thomas Using "White" Accent ]
CAST YOUR VOTE FOR JEFF JOHN
SON. GOOD OLD JEFF,
THE NAME THAT YOU CAN TRUST. THE NAME THAT YOU KNOW.
JEFF JOHNSON. [ Chinese Accent ]
WHY YOU NO VOTE JEFF JOHNSON ?
HE THE NAME YOU KNOW. GO DOWN VOTE FOR JEFF.
JEFF JOHNSON, THE NAME YOU KNOW. [ Homeboy Accent ]
HEY, YOU, EATIN' THE GREENS,
AND YOU ON THE CORN BREAD. PUT THAT DOWN AND CAST
YOUR VOTE FOR JEFF JOHNSON,
THE NAME YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW IT'S GOOD. JEFF IS
GOOD, JUST LIKE THEM GREENS.
JEFF AND GREENS. WHEN YOU THINK GREENS,
THINK JEFF JOHNSON. [ Yiddish Accent ]
IN
THIS MESHUGENEH WORLD, YOU
WANNA VOTE FOR JEFF JOHNSON. I DON'T KNOW WHY I GOTTA DRIVE
THROUGH HERE AND TELL YOU THIS.
YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO TO VOTE FOR. PUT A VOTE IN FOR JEFF
BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD PERSON. WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY ? [ "White" Accent ]
WE'RE NOT GONNA SHOW YOU
JEFF JOHNSON WAVING A FLAG, AND WE'RE NOT GONNA SHOW YOU
JEFF JOHNSON KISSING BABIES. WE'RE NOT GONNA SHOW YOU
JEFF JOHNSON DOING ANYTHING
BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW... WHAT JEFF JOHNSON
CAN DO. TOMORROW, VOTE JEFF JOHNSON,
THE NAM
E YOU KNOW. THAT SOUND WHITE ENOUGH ? THAT WAS VERY WHITE. YEAH. THAT'S
CHILLING, ACTUALLY.
ALMOST SCARED MYSELF. FANTASTIC. TOMORROW, VOTE JEFF JOHNSON,
THE NAME YOU KNOW. WHO DO WE VOTE FOR
FOR CONGRESS ? DON'T WE ALWAYS
VOTE FOR JOHNSON ? AH, THAT'S IT, JOHNSON. IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US,
OUR EXIT POLLS PROJECT
THAT IN FLORIDA, AN UNKNOWN INDEPENDENT
CANDIDATE, WHOSE SOLE ASSET
APPEARS TO BE HIS NAME, MAY JUST POSSIBLY
WIN A SLIM VICTORY. [ Cheering, Whistling ] ♪♪ [ Calypso Version Of "Happ
y
Days Are Here Again" ] IS THAT HIM ?
IS THAT HIM ? UH, PATRICIA, I BELIEVE THAT
CONGRESSMAN-ELECT JOHNSON
HAS JUST ARRIVED. [ Armando ]
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
COMING THROUGH. [ Homer ]
WE NEED TO GET
THROUGH, PLEASE. COME ON.
COME ON. COMING THROUGH.
THANK YOU. [ Man ]
CONGRATULATIONS ! ♪♪ [ Cheering ] [ Thomas ]
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE ! HEY ! [ Whistling ]
HEY, THANK YOU ! THANK YOU SO MUCH !
PEOPLE, WE RAN
A POSITIVE CAMPAIGN. WE CAMPAIGNED
ON THE ISSUE. THE ISSUE IS CHAN
GE. CHANGE FOR THE FUTURE. THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN ! ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY
CAN DO FOR YOU. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR
BUT FEAR ITSELF. IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,
GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. LIVE FREE OR DIE. AND IN CONCLUSION,
READ MY LIPS. [ Cheering ] MIRA, MIRA, MIRA. THE PROMISED LAND. [ P.A. Announcer ]
CONTINENTAL FLIGHT 228
TO CHICAGO... CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON.
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON,
ARTHUR REINHARDT. YOU DON'T
REMEMBER ME. I WAS CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON'S
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT. YES. I FED EX'
ED ALL THAT
MATERIAL TO YOU
DOWN IN FLORIDA. MM-HMM. YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW. YOU LOOK JUST LIKE
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LOOK. YOU SEE HIS LITTLE
WING-TIP SHOES ON ? OH, I--
THANK YOU. CONGRESSMAN, I HOPE YOU
DON'T THINK I'M OUTTA LINE
FOR MEETING YOU HERE. I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
NEED HELP WITH LOGISTICS,
SETTLING IN AT YOUR HOTEL. AND SINCE YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT
TO THE HARVARD SEMINAR
FOR FRESHMEN CONGRESSMEN, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF
PUTTING TOGETHER A SET
OF THEIR PAPERS FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR YO
UR INITIATIVE,
BUT I GOTTA ADMIT TO YOU, I'VE
NEVER BEEN MUCH OF A STUDENT. BUT YOU CAN BRIEF
MY STAFF ON THAT, YOU KNOW. UH, STAFF, WHAT HOTEL
ARE WE STAYING AT ? YOU BOOK THE HOTEL ? NO. TALK TO HIM. YOU BOOK THE HOTEL ? WHAT HOTEL ? NOBODY TOLD ME
ABOUT NO DAMN HOTEL. UH, IS, UH, STAFF... OBVIOUSLY FAILED TO NAIL
SOME VITAL DETAILS, SO-- OH, GEEZ, THE WORLD
BANK'S IN TOWN. WHERE WE GONNA
FIND YOU A ROOM ? HEY, I KICK YOUR ASS. YOU HAVE TO BE FIRM
WITH THE STAFF SOMETIMES. [ P.A. Announcer
]
CONTINENTAL FLIGHT 228
TO CHICAGO O'HARE IS NOW-- I GOT LUCKY
AT THE HAY-ADAMS. THERE WAS A COUP
IN URUGUAY. ¿ QUE ? WHAT ? URUGUAY. ANYWAY,
THEIR DELEGATION
JUST CHECKED OUT. YOU'RE A WIZARD, REINHARDT,
AND I KNEW WE COULD
COUNT ON YOU. LET'S GO. HEY, YOU GOT THAT ? YES, SIR. [ Loretta ]
CAREFUL WITH THAT BAG. DON'T THROW IT IN THERE
LIKE THAT. I PAID
TOO MUCH FOR THAT BAG. SAY, CONGRESSMAN ? YO. I'D LIKE TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER ME
TO BE YOUR A.A.
OH, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.
THAT'S A VERY DECENT GESTURE. BUT YO, MAN, LISTEN.
I'M A SOCIAL DRINKER. I DON'T REALLY HIT
THE BOTTLE VERY MUCH. YEAH, YEAH.
NO, NO. UH, ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT. OH ! AS YOU KNOW, I USED TO WORK
FOR CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON. AND I WOULD LIKE
TO WORK FOR YOU,
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON. SO IT WOULD BE SORTA LIKE
AN AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
SORTA THING. [ Chuckles ] ONLY KIDDING.
I GOT YOUR RESUME.
I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY ? I'LL LOOK FORWARD
TO HEARING FROM YOU ? LOOK
FORWARD TO TALK
ING TO YOU. [ Giddy Chuckle ] OOH, BABY ! [ Secretary ]
CONGRESSMAN CORMAN'S OFFICE. YES, SIR.
YES, SIR. [ Chuckling ] [ Elevator Bell Rings ] MEMBERS ONLY. OH, WE'RE GOING UP TO
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON'S OFFICE. I HATE TO BE
THE ONE TO TELL YOU, BUT
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON DIED. I'M THE NEW CONGRESSMAN.
I'M CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON
AND THIS IS MY STAFF. I'M SORRY, CONGRESSMAN.
I DIDN'T SEE YOUR PIN. IN FACT, I STILL
DON'T SEE YOUR PIN. - WHAT PIN ?
- YOUR MEMBER OF CONGRESS PIN. - I'M GONNA HAVE TO LOOK
YOU UP.
- I'M IN THE BOOK UNDER JOHNSON.
THOMAS JOHNSON. CONGRESSMAN. [ Giggling ] THOMAS JEFFERSON
JOHNSON. - YEAH, I'M THE MAN.
- NO PICTURE AVAILABLE. OH, WAIT A SECOND. I HAVE
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE WITH ME.
GOT A PICTURE IN LATE. HERE IT--
IF I CAN GET IT OUT. DRIVER'S LICENSE. OH. SEE ? SAME CAT. HOW COULD I EVER HAVE
DOUBTED YOU ? WHERE TO ? WE'RE GOING UP
TO 518. WELL, THE ELEVATOR ONLY GOES
TO FOUR. YOU'LL HAVE TO
TAKE THE STAIRS FROM THERE. ARE YOU GONNA BE
GRABBIN' MY ASS LIKE
OLD
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON ? OH, NO. I WOULD
NEVER GRAB YOUR ASS. WELL, YOU SAID THAT AWFUL FAST.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY ASS ? OH, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH YOUR ASS. I'M JUST, YOU KNOW,
I'M JUST, WHAT, I'M,
I'M THE NEW CONGRESSMAN, AND I WON'T BE DOIN' NONE
OF THOSE THINGS HE DID. I AIN'T GONNA GRAB NOBODY'S
OLD ASS. I MEAN, I-I AIN'T
GONNA GRAB NOBODY'S ASS. YOU KNOW ?
HEY, I THINK WE ON
THE FOURTH FLOOR. I'LL GRAB IT. [ Elevator Bell Ringing ] STAIRS ARE TO THE RIGHT.
ENJOY. LATER, BABY. WAIT HERE
A SECOND. GOOD MORNING, CONGRESSMAN. WHAT IS THIS SHIT-HOLE ?
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
WHAT IS THIS ? OH, UM... YOU MISSED
THE FRESHMAN LOTTERY
FOR OFFICES. THEY ASSIGN THEM
BY DRAW. YOU DIDN'T SHOW FOR THE DRAW,
SO YOU GOT THE WORST OFFICE
IN CONGRESS. WHAT LOTTERY ?
I MISSED A LOTTERY ? IT WAS ALL IN
THOSE BRIEFING BOOKS
I MAILED YOU. WHAT ELSE HAVE WE
MISSED HERE ? ARE YOU HIRING ME,
CONGRESSMAN ? - IT'S A SHAKEDOWN.
- EXCUSE ME ? OH, HO-HO-HO !
YOU'RE SHAKING ME DOWN,
AREN'T YOU ? OKAY, I'M GONN
A
LOVE THIS TOWN. OKAY, I'VE BEEN HERE
FIVE MINUTES AND YOU'RE
ALREADY SHAKING ME DOWN. ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE HIRED. LISTEN, FILL ME IN ON
EVERYTHING 'CAUSE I DON'T
WANNA MISS THE GOOD SHIT. ♪♪ [ Classical ] [ Indistinct Chatter ] LET'S GO MEET
THE NATIVES. YEAH. [ Thomas ]
CAN YOU BE A LITTLE MORE
ELEGANT THAN THAT ? SHAKIN' YOUR ASS
AND SHIT. HEY, HOW YA DOIN' ?
THOMAS JOHNSON. RAFE SIMON,
FRESHMAN FROM TULSA.
AND THIS IS... BO CHANDLER
FROM, UH-- LUFKIN, TEXAS. GREAT PARTY. YOU'RE JEFF JOHNSON
,
THE GUY FROM FLORIDA. YEAH, THAT'S ME. YOU KNOW, THE REST
OF US WERE OUT THERE
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL, RAISING MONEY, KISSING ASS,
MAKING SPEECHES, DRAGGING OUR
BUTTS FROM PLACE TO PLACE. AND HE SLIDES IN
ON PURE NAME RECOGNITION. LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, JEFF. FUCKIN' BRILLIANT ! I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
HAVE TO KICK SOMEBODY'S--
OKAY. HEY, NO, I'M SORRY. THANKS A LOT.
AND DON'T CALL ME JEFF. JEFF IS MY WORKING NAME.
MY NAME IS THOMAS, AND THIS
IS MY COUSIN, MISS LORETTA. HOW DO YOU DO ?
HOW
DO YOU DO ?
[ Laughing ] WHAT WERE YOU GUYS
BEFORE YOU GOT ELECTED ?
LAWYERS OR SOMETHING ? OH, HEY, NO. I DID
MORNING WEATHER AND TRAFFIC
FOR KTOK IN TULSA. OH. [ Laughing ] [ Chandler ]
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME ? TIGHT END FOR THE OILERS ?
MY KNEE GIMPED OUT ON ME ? OH, YES ! OH, HEY,
MAN. I WAS WONDERIN'
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. - WHY DON'T YOU STOP BY
MY RECEPTION ?
- YEAH, BUT DON'T GO... TO HIS RECEPTION BEFORE
YOU GO TO MY RECEPTION. I'M GONNA BE OFFENDED
IF YOU DON'T COME
BY MY RECEPTION
. OKAY. [ Thomas ]
OKAY. I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO HAVE A RECEPTION. YES, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE
TO HAVE SOMETHING. SHIT,
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'
ABOUT NO RECEPTION. YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT THIS TOWN ? THE WAY
EVERYBODY CALL YOU A MEMBER. EVERY TIME I HEAR THAT,
IT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT
MISTER HAPPY. [ Laughing ] HEY, HEY ! WATCH THEM SPRINKLETS, MAN !
HE'S LAUGHIN' AND PISS
SHOOTIN' EVERYPLACE. I GOT A SPRINKLER TOO,
NOW. BACK AT YA ! OW ! ALL RIGHT, THEN. MIKE HOYT, IOWA. THOMAS JOHNSON,
FLOR
IDA. SO HOW'D YOU WIND UP IN D.C.,
IOWA ? YOU DO THE CROP REPORT
ON TV OR SOMETHIN' ? NO, ACTUALLY,
I OWE IT ALL TO
THE VIETNAMESE. OH, YOU'RE
A WAR HERO. P.O.W. WHEN I GOT BACK
TO CEDAR RAPIDS, I SPENT SO MANY YEARS
TELLING THE ROTARY CLUB
WHAT WAS WRONG IN WASHINGTON... THEY FINALLY TOLD ME
TO EITHER PUT UP
OR SHUT UP. HA ! SO I PUT UP,
AND HERE I AM. WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH WASHINGTON ?
WASHINGTON'S GREAT ! OH, COME ON. WE GOT
ACID RAIN KILLING FISH
AND NOBODY'S STO
PPING IT. THERE'S TOPSOIL
BEING WASHED AWAY;
NO EROSION PROGRAMS. WHY, THERE'S CHEMICALS
IN THE LIVESTOCK THAT-- WE MIGHT HAVE SOME LUCK. MY GOD, I SOUND
LIKE A BOY SCOUT.
[ Laughing ] NO, ACTUALLY, THAT'S NICE.
THIS TOWN COULD USE
A FEW GEEKS LIKE YOU. HI. PETE SLOCUM, ASBESTOS
INFORMATION INSTITUTE. HOW ARE YA, PETE ?
NICE TO MEET YA. KEN KORNGOLD, NATIONAL
DISTILLED SPIRITS ASSOCIATION. VERY GOOD TO MEET YOU, KEN. NICE TO MEET YOU. PAUL ZECKHAUSER, AMERICAN
TOBACCO COUNCIL. [ Coughing ] HOW
ARE YOU, PAUL ? I HOPE YOU CAN ALL COME
TO MY RECEPTION. YOU ALL KNOW
MISS LORETTA FROM MY OFFICE. HI. HELLO. TERRY CORRIGAN. SOON AS I SAW HOW
YOU GOT ELECTED, I KNEW
YOU WERE A REAL COMER. HELL, I BET
OLAF ANDERSEN
VOTED FOR YOU. I DON'T KNOW.
WHO'S OLAF ANDERSEN ? WON'T TELL HIM YOU ASKED.
FELLA ON THE LEFT UP THERE. CHAIRMAN,
GULF COAST POWER. CONSTITUENT OF YOURS,
CLIENT OF MINE. PAYS THE RENT,
KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? SAY, COULD I HOST
A "WELCOME TO WASHINGTON"
FUND-RAISER FOR YOU, DOWN AT
MY LAW FIRM
ON K STREET ? ABSOLUTELY. AT $500 A HEAD, YOU COULD PICK UP,
20 GRAND, 25 GRAND
TO HELP YOU GET STARTED. [ Nervous Laugh ] AND HOW MUCH OF THAT
ARE YOU GONNA GET ? IT DOESN'T COME
OFF THE TOP. DOWN THE ROAD, I'LL BILL
EACH OF THEM 500 AN HOUR
WHENEVER I TAKE YOU TO LUNCH. YOU KNOW, TERRY, YOU AND I
ARE GONNA BE SO CLOSE. I WANNA WELCOME
THE NEW MEMBERS TO WASHINGTON. WE HAVEN'T HAD A FRESHMAN CLASS
THIS BIG IN A LONG TIME. [ Laughing ] WELL, CONGRESS NEEDS YOUR
NEW BLOOD, AND YOU IN
TURN
ARE GONNA NEED NEW FRIENDS. THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT,
WE UNITE THE TWO GREAT
PILLARS OF OUR SYSTEM. POLITICAL AND FINANCIAL. NOW, YOU KNOW,
CONGRESS HAS TAKEN
MANY HITS OF LATE. BUT, CONGRESSMEN,
LOOK AROUND YOU. THE PEOPLE YOU SEE HERE TONIGHT
ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE
STOOD BEHIND US. AND THEY ARE THE ONES THAT
WILL BE INVALUABLE TO YOU
IN YOUR NEXT CAMPAIGN, WHICH I MIGHT REMIND YOU
IS LESS THAN TWO YEARS AWAY. NOW THIS IS OUR SYSTEM
OF CHECKS AND BALANCES
AT ITS VERY FINEST. DICK DODGE,
FROM YOUR HOME STATE.
GONNA RUN FOR SPEAKER. RAISES MORE MONEY
THAN ANY OTHER MEMBER. BUT, OF COURSE,
HE'S ON THE RIGHT COMMITTEE, WHICH MAKES
ALL THE DIFFERENCE. YEAH, OF COURSE. BUT I'M NOT
TELLING YOU ANYTHING
YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW. NO, HE'S ON THE RIGHT
COMMITTEE, SO I GUESS THAT
MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. NOT JUST ON THE COMMITTEE.
HE'S CHAIRMAN OF IT. THE BIG BOYS HAVE TO LINE UP
TO TAKE NUMBERS... TO THROW MONEY
HIS WAY. YOUR FRIENDS CAN
ALWAYS CALL ON YOU. NO SHIT. [ Woman ]
THANK Y
OU VERY MUCH. [ Dodge ] OH, UH,
MR. JOHNSON ? YOU KNOW, IT'S CUSTOMARY
FOR THE NEW MEMBERS... TO PAY A VISIT ON US OLD
FOGIES IN THE LEADERSHIP,
ESPECIALLY FROM YOUR HOME STATE. WELL, I WOULD HAVE,
BUT I JUST GOT IN TOWN.
I'M SORRY, MAN. YOU KNOW, YOU CAN MAKE UP FOR IT
BY HAVING A NIGHTCAP WITH ME. - OH, ABSOLUTELY.
- CAN I HAVE MY CAR
TAKE YOU HOME ? UH, EXCUSE ME,
MR. CHAIRMAN, BUT YOU AIN'T ABOUT TO START
NO HOMO SHIT, ARE YOU ?
'CAUSE I AIN'T WITH IT. - OH ?
- HEY. NO ! BUT THAT'S
GOOD
THINKING, THOMAS.
I'M IMPRESSED BY YOUR INSTINCTS. I DIDN'T WANNA
HAVE TO WHUP YOUR ASS. [ Laughing ] YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? TELL ME, MR. JOHNSON, WHY'D
YOU COME TO WASHINGTON ? WELL, OF COURSE,
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO
SOMETHING FOR MY COUNTRY, AND... NOW LET'S JUST
CUT THE BULLSHIT. I SAW HOW YOU
GOT ELECTED. NOW, FLUKES LIKE YOU
ARE EITHER NUT CASES
OR TROUBLEMAKERS. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHICH ONE
I GOT ON MY HANDS. WHY DID YOU
RUN FOR CONGRESS ? - NO BULLSHIT ?
- NO BULLSHIT. WE GOT THI
S WHOLE
TOPSOIL PROBLEM... AND, UH, ACID RAIN
IS KILLING CATTLE. [ Pounding At Door ] WHAT ? YES ?
WHAT ? WHAT ? WHAT ? [ Thomas ]
REINHARDT ! WAKE UP ! [ Pounding Continues ] WHAT IS THE NAME
OF THAT COMMITTEE
DICK DODGE IS CHAIRMAN OF ? CONGRESSMAN, THIS IS A SURPRISE. COME ON, MAN, SPIT IT OUT. WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THE COMMITTEE ? UH... UH... COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT IS IT ? UH... OH.
POWER AND INDUSTRY. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG
AT THE HOTEL ? NO. TELL ME ABOUT
THIS POWER AND INDUSTR
Y.
I HEARD IT'S REALLY GOOD. THIS IS A GOOD THING, RIGHT ? YES, THEY CALL IT
"THE HONEY POT." EACH MEMBER IS CONSTANTLY BEING
LOBBIED BY EVERY CASH-RICH
TRADE GROUP IN TOWN. OH, IT'S 2:40 A.M.
DID YOU REALIZE THAT ? AH, MAN, FORGET THAT !
WE'RE PUBLIC SERVANTS. TIME AIN'T SUPPOSED TO MEAN
NOTHIN' TO US, RIGHT ? HOW DO I GET
ON THIS COMMITTEE ? UM, THAT WOULD BE SENIORITY. UH, AFTER SIX TERMS
IN OFFICE, UH, SAY, 12 YEARS
OF SERVICE, YOUR NAME MOVES ALONG THE LIST
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'R
E OFF
THE FISHERIES COMMITTEE
AND ON TO POWER AND INDUSTRY. CAN THIS WAIT ? I'M MUCH MORE
COHERENT IN THE MORNING. NO, YOU'RE DOIN' FINE. BUT I NEED TO KNOW HOW I
CAN GET ON THIS COMMITTEE,
LIKE, IMMEDIATELY. OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. UH, IMMEDIATELY.
IMMEDIATELY. WITHIN, SAY, LIKE,
YOUR NEXT FOUR YEARS ? NO, NO, NO, NO. IMMEDIATELY, LIKE IN
MY FIRST FOUR DAYS. NOW YOU'RE A SMART GUY.
THAT'S WHY I HIRED YOU. YOU MIGHT BE
STANDIN' HERE IN THESE
FIRE ENGINE BOXER SHORTS, BUT I HAVE FAITH
IN YOU.
I'M COUNTIN' ON YOU. TALK TO ME, REINHARDT. YES, THANK YOU. I DON'T THINK
IT'S POSSIBLE, SIR. IT WOULD BE UNPRECEDENTED
FOR A FRESHMAN CONGRESSMAN... TO BE PUT ONTO
THAT COMMITTEE. UNLESS-- WELL, ONLY IN THE MOST REMOTE, HYPO--
HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION. YES ? THIS IS RIDICULOUS, RIGHT ? FOR INSTANCE ? WELL, IF THE, UH, PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES... WERE TO DO YOU
A PERSONAL FAVOR. OR, UH, SOME ENORMOUSLY
POWERFUL SPECIAL INTEREST GROUP. CHAIRMAN DODGE, PLEASE. WILL YOU TELL HIM THAT
I
T'S MR. JOSHUA BENJAMIN
FROM THE NAACP ON THE LINE ? NO, MA'AM, ACTUALLY, YOU'LL
BE OF A GREAT DEAL OF HELP. I HAVE A FEW MINOR QUESTIONS.
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW... HOW MANY MEMBERS
OF THE CHAIRMAN'S COMMITTEE
ARE AFRICAN-AMERICANS ? NONE. WELL, I'M SURE
YOU HAVE A LATINO MEMBER
ON THE COMMITTEE. NO LATINOS
EITHER. DOES THE CHAIRMAN HAVE
ANY ASIANS OR ANY NATIVE
AMERICANS ON THE COMMITTEE ? NO ASIANS
AND NO NATIVES. DOES THE CHAIRMAN HAVE
ANY HANDICAPS OR GAYS
ON THE COMMITTEE ? NO GAYS. WEL
L, YOU'VE BEEN
OF A GREAT DEAL OF HELP. JUST FORGET I EVEN CALLED.
JUST TELL HIM I SAID HI. OKAY, UM, ARMANDO, VAN DYKE,
YOU GUYS ARE UP NEXT. I'LL GO HIT 'EM WITH
THE URBAN LEAGUE RIGHT AWAY. FINE. AND I'LL BE
THE CONFERENCE OF SOUTHERN
BAPTIST BISHOPS. [ Chuckling ] WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO ? OH, HI.
WE HAVEN'T MET YET. I'M LORETTA HICKS.
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON'S OFFICE ? OH, HI. I'M KIMBERLY MEADOWS.
I WORK FOR CHAIRMAN DODGE. POWER AND INDUSTRY.
HOW'D YOU GET THAT JOB ? I USED TO SERVE
UND
ER THE OTHER
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON, SO I HAD THE
RIGHT EXPERIENCE. WELL, I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN BOTHERED BY THE PICKETS. WHAT PICKETS ? OH. DID, DID I LET
THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG ? - ARE WE GONNA BE PICKETED ?
- LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE... NOT TO SAY WHERE
YOU HEARD THIS FROM. - NOT EVEN MY CONGRESSMAN KNOWS.
- I PROMISE. OKAY. MY BOYFRIEND WORKS
AT THE RAINBOW COALITION, AND HE SAID-- [ Telephone Ringing ] [ Telephone Ringing ] CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON'S
OFFICE. CHAIRMAN DODGE ? YES.
OKAY. THAT
WAS DODGE.
HE WANTS TO SEE YOU PRONTO. SO WE STILL HAVEN'T
LOST OUR TOUCH. ASí. HE SHOULD BE BACK IN A MOMENT,
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON. [ Thomas ]
OH ! THEY'RE HERE NOW. WE HAVEN'T MET.
ELI HAWKINS. HOW YA DOIN' ? BROTHER ELI.
YEAH. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. THOMAS JOHNSON. YES, I KNOW.
THE FLORIDA UPSET. NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE,
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH IT ? YOU GONNA FEATHER YOUR OWN
NEST, OR ARE YOU GONNA MAKE
SOMETHING OF YOUR OFFICE ? HEY, I'M GONNA BE AS GOOD
A CONGRESSMEN AS ANYBODY
ELSE UP HER
E, ALL RIGHT ? EXACTLY WHAT
DOES THAT MEAN ? WELL, UH, EVER SINCE
I GOT BACK FROM, FROM 'NAM... I PERSONALLY
WANNA DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE RAIN FORESTS. WELL, DO ME A FAVOR.
DON'T TELL ME. I'VE
JUST HAD MY LUNCH. ELI, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXCUSE
US. THOMAS AND I ARE LATE FOR
A MEETING. COME ON IN. WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM ? UH, MR. CHAIRMAN,
I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK
YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING. I'M ALWAYS AVAILABLE
TO A YOUNG MAN
FROM MY STATE. GREAT. IT'S ABOUT
COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS. NOW, THAT'S
INTERESTING.
THAT'S JUST THE THING
I HAD IN MIND. GO AHEAD. FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS, I HAVE
BEEN GETTING APPROACHED... BY A BUNCH OF CHAIRMEN
FROM DIFFERENT COMMITTEES. I'VE BEEN APPROACHED
BY THE PEOPLE FROM
FOREIGN AFFAIRS. I'VE BEEN APPROACHED BY
THE PEOPLE FROM WAYS AND MEANS
AND ARMED SERVICES. THEY ALL WANT ME
ON THEIR COMMITTEES
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I'LL BE DAMNED ! YOU CAN UNDERSTAND
MY DILEMMA, 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE, WITH FOREIGN AFFAIRS,
YOU GET TO FLY OFF TO PARIS
WHENEVER YOU WANT. WITH
ARMED SERVICES,
THEY GOT BASES
ALL OVER THE GLOBE. SON, ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH MY COMMITTEE ?
POWER AND INDUSTRY ? OH, YEAH. BUT, UH,
IT'S NOT AS WELL KNOWN
AS THESE OTHER COMMITTEES. WELL, MAYBE NOT, BUT YOU'VE
BEEN VERY FRANK WITH ME. I'M GONNA BE
EXTREMELY FRANK WITH YOU. THESE OTHER COMMITTEES,
THEY'RE NICKEL-AND-DIME STUFF. POWER AND INDUSTRY,
THINK OF WHAT WE COVER. ENERGY, TRANSPORTATION,
INSURANCE, THE ENVIRONMENT. HELL, SON, THERE'S NO BETTER
COMMITTEE ON THE HILL. THAT IS, IF YOU'RE IN
TERESTED
IN FUND-RAISING. OH, I AM, VERY MUCH. IT'S JUST
THAT THESE OTHER CHAIRMEN
MADE PRETTY STRONG CASES. THESE OTHER CHAIRMEN
AREN'T FROM YOUR HOME STATE. HMM. THEY'RE NOT OFFERING
TO TAKE YOU UNDER THEIR WING. - LOOK OUT FOR YOUR FUTURE.
- AND YOU ARE ? HELL YES, I AM. OH, WELL, I'M VERY
FLATTERED, MR. CHAIRMAN. DICK. WELL, I'M VERY FLATTERED,
MR. DICK. NO, NO, NO, NO. OH, I'M SORRY,
CHAIRMAN DICK. NO, DICK.
JUST DICK. OH, DICK.
JUST PLAIN OLD DICK. YEAH. FINE. I KNOW YOU DON'T GET
SOMETH
ING FOR NOTHING. WHAT
DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DICK ? [ Chuckles ] WELL, SON,
I WANT AN ABLE LIEUTENANT. AND I WANT YOU TO SMILE
FOR THE CAMERAS. SKEETER, YOU KNOW THOMAS
JOHNSON, THE NEW MEMBER
OF THE COMMITTEE ? THOMAS, THIS IS
BARCLAY WARBURTON. HOW ARE YOU,
BARCLAY ? SKEETER, PLEASE. BEEN CALLED THAT
SINCE BOARDING SCHOOL. OH, SORRY, MAN. CHEERS. YEAH, CHEERS.
SKEETER. THOMAS, PLEASE.
BEEN CALLED THAT
SINCE REFORM SCHOOL. THIS EPA OVERSIGHT HEARING
OF THE COMMITTEE ON POWER
AND INDUSTRY WILL C
OME TO ORDER. I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME
OUR FIRST WITNESS, THE DISTINGUISHED ADMINISTRATOR
OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
AGENCY. BUT BEFORE I DO, I WOULD
LIKE TO NOTE THAT WE HAVE
A NEW MEMBER JOINING US TODAY. THE DISTINGUISHED
GENTLEMAN FROM FLORIDA. [ Photographer ]
UH, CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON ?
SIR, CAN WE GET A SHOT, PLEASE ? THANK YOU. HOW AM I DOING ? GREAT. GREAT. WELL, MIKE, ENJOY
THOSE HORS D'OEUVRES. ♪♪ [ Indistinct Chatter ] HI. MY NAME IS MISS LORETTA,
AND I'D LIKE IT... VERY MUCH IF
YOU'D SIGN
ONE OF THESE LITTLE NAME TAGS. THAT WOULD BE JUST NICE. IT'S AN INFORMAL BREAKFAST.
YOU GIVE US YOUR POINT
OF VIEW, WE GIVE YOU, UH, BACON AND EGGS PLUS
A $2,000 HONORARIUM. FOR YOUR FAVORITE
CHARITY, OF COURSE. THE THOMAS JEFFERSON
JOHNSON FOUNDATION. OH, OKAY.
AN HONORARIUM. I LIKE THE WAY
THAT SOUNDS. [ Man ]
GOOD EVENING.
NICE TO SEE YOU. [ Thomas ]
EXCUSE ME A SECOND. HI. HELLO. HOW ARE YOU ? VERY NICE TO
MEET YOU, MISS CELIA KIRBY. GOOD, THANK YOU. IT'S A EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL
NAME FOR AN EXTREMELY
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. WELL, MY,
THAT WAS VERY SMOOTH. YOU KNOW, AFTER ABOUT
TEN HOURS STRAIGHT ON MY FEET, MAKING SMALL TALK, BREATHING IN
THAT CHEAP CIGAR SMOKE, THAT IS EXACTLY
THE KIND OF LINE
I'M READY TO FALL FOR. [ Chuckling ]
SLOW DOWN, OKAY ? SURE. TELL ME,
WHICH ONE OF THESE GUYS
IS CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON ? OH, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR THE CONGRESSMAN ? YES. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF I TOLD YOU I WAS
THE CONGRESSMAN ? AHA ! OH, DUH ! I'M SO SORRY. WOULD YOU GIVE ME TWO SECONDS
TO
TAKE MY FOOT OUT
OF MY MOUTH, PLEASE ? TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.
CAN WE START OVER AGAIN ? YES, CELIA KIRBY,
LEGISLATIVE DIRECTOR
OF PRO BONO. CELIA KIRBY FROM PRO BONO !
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. YES. WOULD YOU TELL ME
SOMETHING ? ARE ALL THE PRO BONETTES
AS FINE AS YOU ? PRO BONO IS A PUBLIC INTEREST
RESEARCH AND ADVOCACY GROUP. I'D BE DELIGHTED
TO BRIEF YOU ON OUR
PRIORITIES THIS SESSION. DO YOU THINK, PERHAPS,
I COULD CALL YOUR A.A.
AND BE PUT ON YOUR SCHEDULE ? CALL MY A.A. ? YES. NO, YOU DO
N'T HAVE TO CALL
MY A.A. WHY DON'T WE DO THIS ? WHY DON'T WE, SAY NOW,
GO OUT TO DINNER ? YOU
CAN BRIEF ME AT DINNER. I'D LIKE AN APPOINTMENT,
CONGRESSMAN, NOT A DATE. WE COULD WRITE IT UP
AS AN APPOINTMENT, BUT WE'LL HAVE, LIKE,
FLOWERS AND DINNER, A MANDOLIN, AND IT'LL BE
A "FLORAL" APPOINTMENT. IT WAS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,
CONGRESSMAN. I WILL BE
IN TOUCH WITH YOUR STAFF. THERE'S ONE OTHER THING.
I'M PARTICULARLY INTERESTED... IN HEARING YOUR VIEW ON
EXTENDING THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT
LAW T
O INCLUDE CONGRESSMEN. OH. I GET IT. CAN WE TURN
THE A.C. DOWN, PLEASE ? THANK YOU. UH, I HAVE A CONFESSION
TO MAKE. I DON'T KNOW
VERY MUCH ABOUT POULTRY. BUT I DO
KNOW PEOPLE, AND I LIKE YOU PEOPLE.
I REALLY DO. AND IF YOU PEOPLE COME TO ME
AND YOU SAY TO ME... THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
IMPORTANT ABOUT POULTRY, I'M GONNA LISTEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU FOR SEEING US.
WE WON'T TAKE UP
MUCH OF YOUR TIME. THIS IS IRA SCHECTER,
OUR RESEARCH DIRECTOR. HI, IRA, HOW ARE YOU ? THIS IS MR
. REINHARDT.
YOU REMEMBER HIM ? COME SIT NEXT TO ME
AND HAVE THIS CHITCHAT. I'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT THESE ISSUES. SIT, EVERYBODY, SIT.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT. WE CAN TAKE
AS LONG AS WE WANT. CONGRESSMAN, YOU DO HAVE
SEVERAL PEOPLE WAITING. NO, NO,
THEY CAN WAIT. THEY CAN WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING
STANDING, IRA ?
SIT DOWN, IRA ! UH, SURE. WELL, [ Clears Throat ]
THESE ARE ISSUE PAPERS. AH. THIS SESSION WE'RE
TARGETING CHILD SAFETY, AUTO INSURANCE PREMIUMS
AND FOOD ADDITIVES. NOW, CERTAINL
Y, AS THE VOTES
COME UP, YOU'LL BE HEARING
PLENTY FROM THE OTHER SIDE. WE SIMPLY WOULD LIKE A FAIR
SHOT AT MAKING OUR CASE TOO. - ABSOLUTELY.
- ABSOLUTELY. OKAY, NOW, LET'S TALK
ABOUT CAR INSURANCE.
WHAT ARE YOU PAYING, IRA ? ME ? OH. [ Thomas ]
YES. UH, WELL, I HAVE AN '82
DODGE DART AND, UH, I PAY ABOUT $650 A YEAR,
OR SO. SIX HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS ?
MAN, THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY. A CHOP SHOP WOULDN'T
GIVE YOU MORE THAN TWO-THIRTY
ON A JUNKER LIKE THAT. OR SO I'VE HEARD. HEY, LOOK,
I'M FLY
ING BLIND HERE. WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS FOR YOU TO
PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE PACKAGE. PUT A PACKAGE TOGETHER
FOR ME AND WE'LL SIT DOWN. WE'LL BLOCK ASIDE
TWO SATURDAY EVENINGS
AND WE CAN DISCUSS IT THEN. WELL, I DON'T
SEE ANY PROBLEM
WITH ARRANGING THAT. ONCE AGAIN, YOU'VE BEEN
MORE THAN GENEROUS WITH
YOUR TIME, CONGRESSMAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ? I CLEAR
MY WHOLE CALENDAR AND YOU'RE IN
AND OUTTA HERE IN FIVE MINUTES ? LOOK, SIT DOWN.
WE HAVEN'T DISCUSSED
CHILD SAFETY YET. IRA, SIT. I'M GONNA SLAP YOU
.
SIT. COME ON, DOWN. SIT DOWN ! LET'S FINISH TALKING.
LET'S TALK ABOUT
CHILD SAFETY NOW. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ISSUE.
CHILD SAFETY. WELL, WE ARE SPONSORING
A BILL IMPOSING SAFETY
STANDARDS ON IMPORTED TOYS. GREAT. I HATE IMPORTED TOYS.
HATE 'EM. I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXIST.
ESPECIALLY THOSE LITTLE,
THOSE LITTLE BASEBALL MEN... WITH THE SPRINGS IN THEIR NECK
THAT DO THIS. WHAT IS THAT ?
FUCK THAT, RIGHT ? FUCK THAT. [ Thomas ] YEAH,
I HATE THAT. WHY DON'T WE DO THIS ?
LIKE I SAID, PUT
THE PACK
AGE TOGETHER. WE'LL BLOCK ASIDE A COUPLE
OF SATURDAY EVENINGS
AND WE CAN DISCUSS IT... - AND YOU CAN TAKE ME
THROUGH ALL THE INS AND OUTS.
- "INS AND OUTS" ? I'D LIKE TO DO
MORE MONEY FOR YOU, BUT FIRST I'VE GOT
TO GET YOUR POSITIONS
ON A FEW ISSUES. NOW, WHERE ARE YOU ON
SUGAR PRICE SUPPORTS ? SUGAR PRICE SUPPORTS. HMM ? WHERE SHOULD I BE,
TERRY ? SHIT, IT MAKES
NO DIFFERENCE TO ME. IF YOU'RE FOR 'EM, I GOT MONEY
FOR YOU FROM MY SUGAR PRODUCERS
IN LOUISIANA AND HAWAII. IF YOU'RE AGAINST 'EM,
I GOT MONEY FOR YOU FROM
THE CANDY MANUFACTURERS. YOU PICK. LET'S SAY... FOR. YEAH, FOR. FOR. HOW ABOUT PUTTING LIMITS
ON MALPRACTICE AWARDS ? OH, YOU TELL ME. IF YOU'RE FOR 'EM, I GOT
MONEY FROM THE DOCTORS
AND INSURANCE COMPANIES. IF YOU'RE AGAINST 'EM,
I GOT MONEY FROM
THE TRIAL LAWYERS. LET'S PUT YOU DOWN AS AGAINST. YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
PUT ME DOWN FOR AGAINST. HOW ABOUT PIZZA ? OH, NO, THIS SALAD
IS GONNA BE ENOUGH FOR ME. NOT FOR LUNCH,
OLD BUDDY.
FOR PAC MONEY. YOU THOUGHT I WAS SERIOU
S ?
I WAS FUCKIN' WITH YOU. WELL, YOU ARE.
YOU ARE ! FUCKIN'
WITH YOU. UH, DUH ! TERRY, TELL ME
SOMETHING. WITH ALL THIS MONEY
COMIN' IN FROM BOTH SIDES, HOW COULD ANYTHING
POSSIBLY EVER GET DONE ? IT DOESN'T.
THAT'S THE GENIUS OF THE SYSTEM. [ Thomas, Terry Laugh ] HEY, BABY, PUT DOWN NUCLEAR
POWER FOR TEN G'S. MAMBO ! [ Loretta ]
COOL ! YEAH, THE CONGRESSMAN'S
GONNA BE OUT YOUR WAY NEXT WEEK. MR. WILLIE ?
CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON CALLING.
CAN YOU TAKE HIS CALL ? THANK YOU.
PLEASE HOLD. A-ONE, A
-TWO-- YES, MR. BROWN.
UH-HUH, ON THE 30TH. WE WERE WONDERING WHETHER
YOU AEROSPACE PEOPLE... MIGHT WANT TO LAY ON A LUNCHEON
SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR HIS VIEWS. I'M SORRY, MR. WILLIE.
HE JUST PICKED UP ANOTHER CALL. I KNOW WHY HE WAS
CALLING YOU. HE HASN'T HEARD
FROM YOU ABOUT HIS FUND-RAISER. A THOUSAND DOLLARS A HEAD ?
A WHOLE TABLE ! LOVELY. YEAH. WELL, NOW, WHAT KIND OF
A CONTRIBUTION TO HIS FOUNDATION
WERE YOU FOLKS THINKING ABOUT ? NOW, WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE
HUNTIN' IN THE MORNING, LITTLE FI
SHIN'
IN THE AFTERNOON, CLEAN AIR,
BEAUTIFUL SCENERY. ALL TO WORK UP
A GOOD APPETITE, 'CAUSE
WE GOT A FINE FRENCH CHEF... BACK AT THE LODGE
FLOWN IN SPECIAL. OH ! THAT'S
VERY, VERY NICE. YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING
FROM US ? WE WOULD ENJOY
THE OPPORTUNITY... TO SHARE OUR VIEWS. YOU SEE, WE FEEL
THAT THE SEMIAUTOMATIC
WEAPON'S GOTTEN A BAD RAP. NOW, THE GUN CONTROL NUTS
TRY TO MAKE OUT THAT
THEY'RE FOR DRUG DEALERS ONLY. BUT, UH, REALLY, THEY'RE JUST
GUNS FOR THE ORDINARY SPORTSMAN. [ Chuckling ]
NOTHIN' LIKE A NICE, WARM UZI. [ Duck Call Quacking ] [ Duck Call Continues ] [ Quacking ] YEE-HEE ! MUST HAVE HAD
A HEART ATTACK. AAAH ! AND ACCORDING TO THE 1988 STUDY,
IT SHOWED EIGHT PER 100,000. AM I LOSING YOU ON THESE
MORTALITY RATES, CONGRESSMAN ? NO, NOT AT ALL. I WAS, UH, I WAS JUST
WONDERING HOW MUCH OF THIS
IS A STATUTORY PROBLEM, AND HOW MUCH OF IT
IS A REGULATORY ONE. MMM, MM-HMM. DIDN'T THE MERTON ACT
COVER MOST OF THIS ? EXCELLENT POINT. EXCELLENT POINT.
LET ME CHECK SOMETHING OU
T. EXCUSE ME. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. MAYBE WE COULD GET THEM
TO AMEND MERTON. OH, GET 'EM TO AMEND IT. YES ! GET 'EM TO AMEND IT, HUH ?
WELL, "FOR MERTON TO APPLY, "YOU HAVE TO SHOW
HIGH CONTAGION. "IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE
YOUR CONTAGION... RATES... ARE NO HIGHER THAN
THE COMMON CLOD." "COLD."
"COMMON COLD." EXCUSE ME A SECOND.
ARTHUR ! OW ! WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT ? HOW'D YOU WIND UP HUSTLING
FOR PRO BONO INSTEAD OF
PESTICIDES ANYWAY ? 'CAUSE YOU COULD HAVE BEEN
A BIG-TIME LAWYER. I WAS
FOR A WHILE. BUT IT DEPRESSED ME. WHAT COULD BE DEPRESSING
ABOUT MAKIN' $100,000 A YEAR ? I KNOW YOU GOTTA GET SICK
OF LOSIN' ALL THE TIME. OF COURSE I DO. MAINLY IT MAKES ME ANGRY,
AND THE ANGER KEEPS ME GOING. OF COURSE I'D LIKE
TO WIN A FEW AND I'M NOT
ALLERGIC TO MONEY EITHER. SO WHY ARE YOU
DOIN' IT ? HEY. IT'S SO EMBARRASSING TO COME
RIGHT OUT AND SAY WHY I DO IT. - WHY ?
- IT'S EMBARRASSING
FOR ME TO SAY. I JUST FEEL -- STOP ! WHAT ? MEANING ! MY LIFE HAS
TO MEAN SOMETHING. SO NOW I HA
VE
A QUESTION FOR YOU. I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU
GOT NAMED AFTER A MEMORIAL. OH.
[ Chuckling ] MY GRANDMOTHER LIKED JEFFERSON.
YOU KNOW, "LIFE, LIBERTY
AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." YOU KNOW, OLD
BLACK FOLKS' THING. THERE'S A LOT TO LIVE UP
TO, SO I KINDA SPECIALIZE
IN ONE PORTION OF THAT. THAT'S THE PURSUIT
OF HAPPINESS. AND HOW'S IT GOING ? UM. HONESTLY ? MM-HMM. I WAS GOIN' REAL GOOD
'TIL I MET YOU. NOW, THE BETTER I DO,
THE WORSE I FEEL. ISN'T THAT STRANGE ? MMM, WHEN CAN I SEE
YOU AGAIN
? LET'S GO
TO DINNER SATURDAY NIGHT. HOW ABOUT SUNDAY MORNING ? OH, OH,
BRUNCH ? THE WAGES OF SIN
IS DEATH ! AND TO THE MAN WHO VALUES
GOLD OVER GOODNESS, THE LORD ALLOWS
NO EXEMPTIONS. [ Congregation ]
AMEN. AMEN. AND TO THE MAN
WHO SHOWS NO RESPECT... FOR THE PRIVILEGE
OF WALKING THIS EARTH, THE LORD ALLOWS
NO DEDUCTIONS. AMEN. AND TO THE MAN WHOSE
POCKETS ARE BULGING... AND WHOSE SOUL IS EMPTY, THE LORD GRANTS
NO 90-DAY EXTENSION. AND WHEN
THE LAST TRUMP SOUNDS, BELIEVE ME,
YOU WILL BE AU
DITED. THIS IS
A WONDERFUL DATE. OH, DARLING,
I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT ! OH, I LOVE THAT SERMON,
UNCLE ELI. THIS IS YOUR UNCLE ? YES, MY NIECE TELLS ME
YOU'RE NOT HALF AS SLIMY
AS I THOUGHT. THAT PUTS YOU SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN A LIZARD AND A TOAD.
QUITE A STEP UP, HUH ? THANK YOU VERY MUCH. FORGIVE ME
FOR STARING. I DON'T KNOW HOW
I MISSED THE FAMILY RESEMBLANCE. SHE'S YOU IN A SKIRT. [ TV Announcer ]
...TRAILING BY 13
AS WE BEGIN THE SECOND HALF. [ Man ]
YEAH, I GUESS WE'RE
ALL BRINGIN' OUR
WIVES. AL, YOU GONNA BRING
YOUR WIFE, AIN'T YA ? [ Al Chuckling ]
YOU BET. [ TV Continues Indistinct ] UH-HUH. UH. [ TV Continues Indistinct ] OH, I SLIPPED. ELLIE. HOW YA DOIN',
THOMAS ? I NEED YOUR HELP ON
THE ETHICS BILL, LEON. I WANT YOU TO COSPONSOR
MY AMENDMENTS. YOU MAKE A PERSUASIVE CASE, ELI. BUT THAT WASN'T A YES. I PROMISE TO GIVE IT
THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, SON. YEAH, MAN, YOU'RE SO GOOD.
HE'S SO GOOD. HE TOOK $600 OFF YOU
THAT LAST HAND, DIDN'T HE ? HE
TOOK A REAL SHININ' TO ME. IF I DIDN'T KNOW
ANY BETTER, I'D SAY YOU LOST TO HIM
ON PURPOSE. THERE'S NOTHIN' WRONG
WITH LETTIN' THE HEAD
OF THE ETHICS COMMITTEE... ROLL YA
EVERY NOW AND THEN. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA FIT
IN REAL GOOD AROUND HERE.
TOO GOOD. HOW COME YOU NEVER
ASK ME TO HELP YOU OUT
WITH YOUR AMENDMENTS ? OH, COME ON, THOMAS.
GIVE IT A REST. EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU'RE DICK DODGE'S BOY. HEY, MAN, I AIN'T
NOBODY'S BOY, ALL RIGHT ? DON'T WASTE YOUR OUTRAGE ON ME.
I KNOW WHAT YA ARE. I AM N
O DIFFERENT THAN
ANYBODY ELSE UP HERE, OKAY ? THAT'S NOT TRUE. YOU SEE, SOME PEOPLE HERE
ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING BESIDES
SAVING THEIR OWN ASS. YOU KNOW, JUST THEN YOU
REMINDED ME OF MY FATHER. DID I REALLY ?
HOW SO ? HE USED TO SAY
I WAS A SCUMBAG TOO. [ Bell Ringing ] AREN'T YOU GOING TO VOTE ? IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS ?
YOU KNOW, ALL THIS TIME I'VE
BEEN LISTENIN' TO THAT SHIT, THINKIN' IT WAS TIME FOR
FINAL JEOPARDY OR SOMETHIN'. [ Chuckling ] [ Indistinct Chatter ] [ Thomas ]
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE
ME, CONGRESSMAN. - I'M MRS. KOSLOWSKI.
- HI, I'M LEAVING. WE WERE JUST LEARNING
HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW.
WAS THAT A VOTE ? YES, THAT WAS A VOTE
IN THERE. OH ! OH ! YES, THAT WAS A VOTE.
A VOTE WAS MADE. BYE-BYE. - AND WHAT DID YOU VOTE ?
- AH, I VOTED NAY. IT WAS A TERRIBLE BILL
AND IT WOULD HAVE DESTROYED
THE FABRIC OF AMERICAN LIFE. WHAT WAS THE VOTE ON ? [ Chuckling ]
RAFE ! RAFE, WILL YOU TALK
TO THESE NICE PEOPLE.
EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE VOTE. WELL, IT WAS A MOTION ON THE
PREVIOUS QUE
STION ON THE RULE. NO, IT WAS A MOTION
ON THE RECOMMITMENT... OF THE RULE OF THE MOTION
OF THE PREVIOUS QUESTION. - WHICH MEANS ?
- CLEAN AIR. SCHOOL LUNCHES. AH, YOU SEE
THE DIFFICULT CHOICES
WE HAVE TO MAKE HERE, KIDS, BETWEEN CLEAN AIR
AND SCHOOL LUNCHES, OKAY ? THAT'S WHY I WANT TO BE
THE EDUCATION CONGRESSMAN.
SEE, 'CAUSE I FEEL... THAT AMERICAN STUDENTS
SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT LUNCH
AND BREATHE AT THE SAME TIME. AND I SEE AN AMERICA WHERE
THERE'S NO SUCH THING... AS A STUDENT
WHO IS BEL
OW AVERAGE. AND I THINK IT IS WRONG
WHEN STUDENTS HAVE TO
STAY UP LATE AT NIGHT... AND MISS ALL THE GOOD
SHOWS DOING HOMEWORK. THEN GET UP EARLY IN
THE MORNIN' AND GO TO SCHOOL. THIS SORT OF THING
JUST IS NOT FAIR. [ Cheering ] UH, GOOD MORNING.
MAY I HELP YOU ? YES, I'M ELLEN JUBA. THIS IS MY DAUGHTER,
MICKEY. HI. WE'D LIKE TO SEE
OUR CONGRESSMAN.
WE LIVE IN THE DISTRICT. JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE. AH, COULD YOU COME OUT ?
THANK YOU. BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
I LIKE YOUR HAT. HOW DO YOU DO ?
I'M MISS
LORETTA, PUBLIC
LIAISON FOR THE CONGRESSMAN. ELLEN JUBA,
MY DAUGHTER, MICKEY.
WE'D LIKE TO SEE HIM. Y'ALL FROM THE DISTRICT ?
UP HERE SEEING THE SIGHTS ? HOW'D YOU FOLKS LIKE SOME
GALLERY PASSES ? GO LISTEN
TO THE GREAT DEBATES OF OUR DAY. WE DON'T WANNA GO
TO THE GALLERY. WE WANNA
SEE CONGRESSMAN JOHNSON. WELL, HOW ABOUT A HOUSE
KEY RING ? FOR EACH OF YOU ? HERE, SEE THAT ?
ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?
TURNS INTO A PEN. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
WE'RE NOT TOURISTS.
WE'RE CONSTITUENTS. YOU'R
E NOT WITH
SOME ORGANIZATION,
ARE YOU, HONEY ? I'M A GODDAMN CITIZEN.
ISN'T THAT ENOUGH ? DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT ? NO, I DO NOT HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT, BECAUSE Y'ALL
KEEP GIVIN' ME THE RUNAROUND. WELL, I'M SORRY,
BUT THE CONGRESSMAN
IS A VERY BUSY MAN. NOW, IF YOU'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
IT WITH ME, I WILL PERSONALLY... GO OVER THE ISSUE WITH HIM
AND GET A LETTER OUT TO YOU. WE'RE NOT LEAVING HERE
UNTIL WE SEE HIM. ARMANDO, WOULD YOU COME OUT
FRONT ? WE HAVE A SITUATION. YOU STOP PALMING ME OFF
ON Y
OUR FLUNKIES. ARE YOU GONNA GO IN THERE
AND TELL HIM WE'RE OUT HERE... OR AM I GONNA GO IN THERE
AND TELL HIM MYSELF ? EXCUSE ME, MAY I
HELP YOU, PLEASE ? YES, YOU CAN. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE
MY CONGRESSMAN, PLEASE. HE'S NOT HERE TODAY. I BET HE IS HERE.
EXCUSE ME. NO, NO, PLEASE, LADY. NO, YOU JUST LET ME BY ! NO, DON'T PUSH.
OKAY. YA ! YA ! [ Indistinct Shouting ] I AM SICK OF THIS !
I AM FED UP ! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT !
LET GO OF HER ! HEY ! OH, BABY. COME ON, MAMA.
LET'S GO. HEY. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU ? THE DOCTOR SAYS
THEY GOT IT ALL.
I'M GONNA BE OKAY. I WAS LUCKY, BUT,
BUT THERE ARE OTHERS. - WHAT OTHERS ?
- OTHER KIDS. THEY CALL IT
A CANCER CLUSTER. AT FIRST, NONE OF US
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
WANTED TO BELIEVE IT. BUT THEN WE ALL SAW IT. FOR ME,
IT WAS WHEN THE TWO-YEAR-OLD
ACROSS THE STREET... DEVELOPED A BRAIN TUMOR
SAME AS MICKEY'S. WE LOOKED AT EVERYTHING:
THE WATER, THE AIR, DUMP SITES. INSECTS, YOU NAME IT. AND THEN WE REALIZED IT WAS
STARIN' US RIGHT IN THE FACE. - WHAT ?
- POWER LINES. HIGH-VOLTAGE POWER LINES. THE WIRES CAUSE MAGNETIC
FIELDS AND THE MAGNETIC
FIELDS CAUSE CANCER, ESPECIALLY IN CHILDREN. I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING
LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST
COME SEE FOR YOURSELF ? [ Children Laughing ] THIS IS MICKEY'S SCHOOL ? UH-HUH. IT TURNS OUT
A LOT OF SCHOOLS
ARE NEAR POWER LINES. LAND'S CHEAP,
SO SCHOOLS TEND TO BUY IT
FROM THE POWER COMPANIES. WE'RE NOBODY, CONGRESSMAN.
YOU'RE SOMEBODY. WE NEED YOUR HELP. [ Sighing ] WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A
SECOND ? COME HERE. IS THIS REAL ? THAT DEPENDS
ON WHO YOU ASK. SOME PEOPLE SAY IT'S WORSE THAN
ASBESTOS OR BREAST IMPLANTS.
OTHERS SAY IT'S COINCIDENTAL. WELL, YOU.
WHAT DO YOU SAY ? I THINK IT'S VERY SUSPICIOUS
THAT THE WHITE HOUSE
WOULD KILL AN EPA REPORT... SAYING THAT POWER LINES
PROBABLY CAUSE CANCER. THEY DID THAT ? YES. [ Sighing ] WELL, I GOTTA DO SOMETHIN'
TO HELP THESE PEOPLE. DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ACTUALLY
DEVELOPING A CONSCIENCE. OH, GOD, I HOPE NOT.
IT'D BE A FUCKIN' NUISANCE
IN C
ONGRESS. BUT IF I WERE, WHAT COULD
I DO TO HELP THEM ? THIS GOES BEYOND
PERSONAL TRAGEDY. IT GOES TO A PUBLIC HEALTH
HAZARD OF UNKNOWN PROPORTIONS. IT GOES TO THE RIGHT
OF THE ORDINARY PEOPLE
TO KNOW ALL THE FACTS ! YEAH, PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW
IF THE NEIGHBORHOODS
ARE KILLING THEM. AMEN, GENTLEMEN. AMEN ! AND WHAT
A FINE EFFORT IT IS.
I'M TOTALLY SYMPATHETIC. CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS
SHOULD BE SCHEDULED JUST
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
DESERVE NO LESS. MESSAGE:
WE CARE. TURN THIS WAY,
PLEASE. RIGHT HERE, SIR.
GREAT ! OVER HERE. [ Thundering ] CHEERS. YOU KNOW, SON,
YOU'RE A REAL COMER. I WOULDN'T BE
A BIT SURPRISED IF YOU
ENDED UP IN THE LEADERSHIP. I'LL SAY THIS,
IF I WERE SPEAKER, I'D SLEEP BETTER WITH YOU
AS A LIEUTENANT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. CHAIRMAN. I'M SURPRISED
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT. 'CAUSE I DIDN'T REALLY HONESTLY
THINK YOU WAS GONNA GO WITH ME
ON THIS POWER LINES THING. - BUT I'M NOT.
- BUT YOU SAID
YOU'RE SYMPATHETIC. WELL, OF COURSE I DID.
WE'RE ALL SY
MPATHETIC
TO LITTLE GIRLS WITH CANCER. BUT I'M NOT SYMPATHETIC
TO HOLDING A PUBLIC INQUIRY. YOU JUST SAID-- I KNOW WHAT I SAID. BUT SOUND BITES
AREN'T SWORN TESTIMONY. NOW LOOK, SON, IT'S GREAT TO GET
YOUR NAME IN THE NEWSPAPER. LET 'EM KNOW YOU CARE.
VERY SMART MOVE, THOMAS. BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS I WOULD
GO WITH THIS IF I WERE YOU. [ Intercom Buzzing ] YEAH ? OH, FINE, FINE. NO, NO, NO,
SEND 'EM IN. WE'VE GOT SOME
UNEXPECTED VISITORS. HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. OH, HELL, NO. SURE, GREAT. [ Laughin
g ]
MR. CHAIRMAN ! OLAF ! HELLO, TERRY. EVENIN', MR. CHAIRMAN. THANKS FOR TAK--
THOMAS ! THEY LET YOU IN HERE,
YOU S.O.B. ? YOU FOLKS FINALLY
GONNA GET TO PRESS FLESH.
OLAF ! COME AND MEET
THOMAS JOHNSON.
THOMAS, OLAF ANDERSEN. CHAIRMAN, GULF COAST POWER. GLAD TO MEET YA,
SON. THEY TELL ME YOU GOT
A REAL TALENT FOR THE GAME. THIS IS ZEKE BRIDGES, CEO,
SUPERIOR MUTUAL INSURANCE. SOM-BITCH. - OH, YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER ?
- AH, NO, WE HAVEN'T MET. BUT I KNOW A GREAT DEAL
ABOUT THE MAN. WE SHARE
A COMMON INTEREST
IN INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS. SWEDISH IN PARTICULAR. OH, ANOTHER ROLEX.
I COLLECT THESE.
MINE'S A SLIGHTLY OLDER MODEL. CAN I HAVE
A DOUBLE BOURBON, PLEASE ? IT IS VERY NICE
FINALLY MEETING YOU,
MR. BRIDGES. YES, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU,
CONGRESSMAN. THOMAS AND I WERE JUST
TALKIN' ABOUT, UH, POWER LINES. MAN, I THINK WE OUGHTA
HAVE THOSE HEARINGS. WELL, NOW LOOK, THOMAS,
WHY DON'T WE GET, UH,
OLAF'S TAKE ON THIS ? WELL, IT'S TRAGIC.
CANCER'S A TERRIBLE THING. BUT THERE'S NO WAY YO
U
CAN LINK IT TO POWER LINES. THE TRUTH IS-- WAIT A MINUTE, THERE
HAVE BEEN STUDIES-- EVERY STUDY THAT SAYS
ONE THING, I'LL SHOW YOU
A STUDY SAYING ANOTHER. WE'VE STUDIED THIS
OURSELVES. NADA. WHAT IF ALL YOU GUYS
ARE WRONG ? THOMAS, DO YOU WANT US
TO MOVE THE POWER LINES ? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT
WOULD COST TO BURY THOSE
THINGS IN FLORIDA ALONE ? - WE'RE TALKIN' $5 BILLION.
- NOT COUNTING
THE LIABILITY CLAIMS. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
THE PEOPLE IN YOUR DISTRICT
TO THINK OF YOU AS THE FELLOW..
. WHO TRIPLED
THEIR ELECTRIC BILL ? I JUST THOUGHT THAT IF,
WE HAD THE HEARINGS-- THINK FOR A MOMENT, CHUM.
YOU HOLD YOUR HEARINGS, OVERNIGHT, EVERYONE WHO
LIVES NEAR A SUBSTATION... WILL FIND THE VALUE
OF HIS HOME IN THE TOILET. - YOU'LL KILL
THE REAL ESTATE MARKET.
- KILL INSURANCE COMPANIES. - YOU'LL KILL
THE SCHOOL DISTRICT.
- YOU'LL KILL THE LOCAL ECONOMY. [ Thundering ] SON, SYSTEM
AIN'T PERFECT. BUT THE FLEAS
COME WITH THE DOG. MAYBE I SHOULD
THINK ABOUT IT, HUH ? - ATTA BOY.
- [ C
learing Throat ] OH, THOMAS, ON A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT SUBJECT HERE. YOU HAVEN'T SET UP
A STATE PAC YET, HAVE YA ? 'CAUSE I'D BE HAPPY TO START
ONE OFF WITH A CONTRIBUTION
OF, SAY, OH, $200,000. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. NATCH. YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL, OLAF. NO, YOU WERE
BEAUTIFUL, DICK. NO, YOU WERE
BEAUTIFUL, TERRY. TO THE MUTUAL AID SOCIETY. HEY. HI. SO ? ARE THE JUBAS
GONNA TESTIFY ? HMM ? WHEN'S THE COMMITTEE
HOLDING HEARINGS ? UM, ACTUALLY, I THINK
THE, THE HEARINGS MIGHT BE
POSTPONED A LITTLE BIT
. WHAT'S DODGE PULLING NOW ? NOTHIN'.
IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA GOOD,
'CAUSE NOW I GET TO, YOU KNOW-- GET TO ROUND UP
SOME OTHER MEMBERS AND
GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW AND-- [ Laughing ] YOU SHAFTED ME
ON THE ETHICS BILL ! HEY, ELI ! YOU JUST MISSED A GOOD ONE.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT REMINDS ME. SAME TWO OLD MEN
ON A PARK BENCH-- IT'S A CLOSED RULE ! I CAN'T GET MY AMENDMENTS
ON THE FLOOR ! I CAN'T
GET A RECORDED VOTE. I CAN'T GET SQUAT ! THIS IS NOT THE RULES COMMITTEE.
THIS IS THE STEAM ROOM. THIS IS THE
U.S. CONGRESS.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE
BETTER THAN THIS ! YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
ELI ? YOU'VE GOT "SERMONITIS." [ Laughing ] NOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST RELAX ?
HAVE A MASSAGE. I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YA,
DICK. I'M GONNA RUN
AGAINST YOU FOR SPEAKER. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS
WHOLE RACE BOIL DOWN... TO WHETHER WE WANT
A SLEAZE LIKE YOU
IN THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR. I'LL BET YA $100
YOU DON'T GET TEN VOTES. [ Sighing ]
I'M GONNA BE
YOUR SHADOW, DICK. EVERY MEMBER YA STRONG-ARM,
EVERY REPORTER YA BACKGROU
ND, EVERY TALK SHOW YA GO ON,
I'LL BE THERE. FIVE VOTES !
NOBODY LIKES TO HEAR A SERMON. I MAY NOT HAVE A RAT'S ASS
OF A CHANCE TO BEAT YOU, BUT I SURE AS HELL
CAN LET THE WORLD KNOW... WHAT YOU STAND FOR. I WENT TOO FAR WITH HIM.
I KNOW IT. NOW YOU KNOW HIM
PRETTY WELL, DON'T YOU ? I WOULDN'T SAY I KNEW HIM WELL. OH, COME ON, THOMAS,
YOU'RE SEEIN' HIS NIECE. HELL, YOU'VE BEEN OUT
TO HIS DAMN CHURCH. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ? BECAUSE I KEEP MY EAR
TO THE GROUND. NOW, THOMAS,
HE'LL LISTEN TO YOU. I
WANT YOU TO GO MAKE
THE PEACE BETWEEN US. TELL HIM WE'LL
WORK SOMETHING OUT
WITH HIS AMENDMENTS. NOT A VOTE, I WON'T GO THAT FAR.
BUT AT LEAST HE'LL GET TO SAY
HIS PEACE FROM THE FLOOR. JUST GET HIM
OFF OF MY BACK. ANOTHER ROUND ? YEAH, WHY NOT ? TO THE HONORABLE
DICK DODGE. HEY. BY THE TIME
I'M FINISHED WITH HIM,
HE WON'T BE SPEAKER. HE'LL BE LUCKY
IF THEY DON'T INDICT HIM. ELI, PEOPLE DO THINGS
THAT THEY REGRET, MAN.
PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. DICK'S BEEN UNDER
A LOT OF PRESSURE LATELY. COME ON !
THOMAS, YOU'RE
DICK DODGE'S YES-MAN. I AM NOT A YES-MAN.
WHEN DICK SAYS NO, I SAY NO. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.
HE'S SCARED AND THIS
IS DAMAGE CONTROL. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
THIS TOWN-- IT ISN'T ABOUT
PASSIN' LAWS ANYMORE. IT ISN'T ABOUT
DOING GOOD ANYMORE. ALL IT'S ABOUT...
IS BEIN' HERE. [ Loretta ]
WELL, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE. HEY, CUZ. HEY. OH, I'M SORRY.
THIS IS MISS LORETTA HICKS
FROM MY STAFF. THIS IS
CONGRESSMAN HAWKINS. PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. OH, WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK ? YOU KNOW
, YOU TWO LOOK LIKE YOU
COULD USE A DESIGNATED DRIVER. - OH, GOOD SAMARITAN.
- PRAISE 'EM. [ Dispatcher ]
NUMBER 22, I GOT
A PICKUP AT THE REGENCY, GOING TO NATIONAL. YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND ? [ Dispatcher ]
EIGHTEEN, UNION STATION. SHIT ! [ Indistinct Yelling ] [ Indistinct ] OH, SHIT. YEAH, I NEED
AN AMBULANCE RIGHT AWAY. [ Telephone Beeping ]
HELLO ? IT'S SOMEBODY
CALLED THOMAS JOHNSON. OH. - WHAT'S WRONG ?
- I WENT OUT WITH HAWKINS. WE GOT IN AN ACCIDENT.
HE'S OUT COLD. I'M OKAY THOUGH. WERE
YOU DRIVING ? NO, IT WAS MISS LORETTA. THE GIRL FROM YOUR OFFICE ? YEAH. HEY, LOOK, MAN. I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS
LOOKS FOR ANYBODY, OKAY ? YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GET
BACK IN HAWKINS' GOOD GRACES.
THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY. ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU LISTEN
TO ME VERY CAREFULLY. I WANT YOU TO TELL
THE AMBULANCE TO TAKE YOU
TO WALTER REED HOSPITAL. IT'S A PRIVILEGE THEY
EXTEND TO CONGRESSMEN.
THEY'LL KEEP IT QUIET. I'LL HANDLE THE POLICE
AND YOU GO HOME.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. [ Beeping ] [ Ringing ]
WHAT ? WHAT ? WHAT ? HELLO ? HELLO ?
MR.-- MR. CHAIRMAN ? UM, UM, UM,
NO, NO, NO, NO, SIR. NO, NO, I'M,
I'M, I'M A NIGHT OWL. UH-HUH, UM-- OH, MY GOD,
IS, IS HE ALL RIGHT ? G-GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
UM, AND, AND ELI AND LORETTA ? UH-HUH, UH-HUH. UH-HUH. THAT'S BRILLIANT,
MR. CHAIRMAN. NO, I'LL CALL THE MORNING SHOWS
AND LEAK THE INFORMATION.
THEY'LL EAT IT UP. AT THE TOP OF THE NEWS, MARYLAND
CONGRESSMAN ELIJAH HAWKINS... IS IN SATISFACTORY CONDITION
AT WALTER REED HOSPITAL... AFTER AN OVERNIGHT
AC
CIDENT IN THE DISTRICT. THAT'S RIGHT, LAURA.
HAWKINS REPORTEDLY HAD
ALCOHOL IN HIS BLOOD. ALSO SLIGHTLY INJURED
WAS AN UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN
WHOM POLICE SAY... IS LINKED TO A PHONE-SEX
OPERATION IN FLORIDA. SHIT. LINDA, CONGRESSMAN HAWKINS ? THAT'S REVEREND
HAWKINS, ISN'T IT ? RIGHT YOU ARE, LAURA.
AND HOW THIS PLAYS INTO
HIS LONGSTANDING CAMPAIGN... TO REFORM CONGRESSIONAL ETHICS
IS NOW ANYONE'S GUESS. I'M TRYING TO FIND
REVEREND ELI HAWKINS. [ Nurse ]
LET ME CHECK FOR YOU. YES, HE'S RIGHT AROUND
THE CORNER THERE. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
STAY AWAY FROM ME TOO. CELIA, LISTEN,
WE WERE SET UP. WE WERE SET UP ? YOU WERE IN THE CAR.
I DIDN'T HEAR YOUR NAME
MENTIONED ON THE NEWS. SOMETHIN' STINKS HERE. IT SURE DOES, AND GUESS
WHO IT IS, THOMAS ? YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN
ABOUT ANYTHING, DO YOU ? TO THINK THE OTHER
NIGHT I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT YOU CARED... ABOUT SOMEBODY
OTHER THAN YOURSELF. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT-- NOT ME ! YOU JERK !
MICKEY JUBA. YOU CAVED ON THE POWER
LINES, DIDN'T YOU ? DON'T
EVEN ANSWER
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU DID.
WHAT'D YOU GET FOR IT ? ARE YOU GONNA LET ME TALK ? GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE. GET OUT ! [ Thomas ]
HATTIE ! HATTIE RIFKIN ? OH, RIFKELEH ! DON'T RIFKELEH ME,
YOU MOMZER ! WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT ? HATTIE,
I WANNA TALK TO YOU. I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE,
MR. NAME-YOU-KNOW. HATTIE, I KNOW YOU GOT ME
ELECTED AND I FORGOT YOUR NAME
IN THE MORNIN'. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, BUT I REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY-- I REALLY NEED YOU. SO TALK. WHY ARE WE MEETIN' HERE,
THOMAS ? TROUBL
E AT THE OFFICE ? WELL, DODGE SAYS HE KEEPS
HIS EAR TO THE GROUND. BUT I KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT.
HE HAS AN INSIDE MAN. REINHARDT ? YES. - LET'S WHACK HIM.
- HEY, THIS AIN'T "SCARFACE,"
ALL RIGHT ? YOU GOT A PLAN ? BIG CON.
DICK DODGE IS THE MARK. DICK DODGE ? AREN'T WE GETTING OUT
OF OUR LEAGUE HERE, MAN ? THIS GUY'S BEEN DOIN'
THE BIG CON FOR OVER 30 YEARS. MMM, CUZ,
THESE POLITICIANS, THESE ARE SOME
SERIOUS SLICK FISH. WAIT A SECOND.
IS EVERYBODY GOIN' SOFT
HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN ? ARE YOU ALL
A BUNCH
OF FUCKIN' INCUMBENTS NOW ? LISTEN, THURSDAY,
DICK DODGE IS AT THE ARTS
CAUCUS, ALL RIGHT ? I NEED TO KNOW HOW LONG
IT TAKES TO GET FROM THERE
TO THE EPA BUILDING. ALL RIGHT, ARMANDO ?
OKAY, NOW. LORETTA, GET SOME
INFORMATION ON THE EPA
AND GIVE THAT TO THE ROPER. I GOT A LIST OF EQUIPMENT
I WANT YOU TO GO GET. - CRAZY, BABY.
- HEY. DON'T WE NEED A NEW ROPER ?
I MEAN, HEY, LOOK, EVERYBODY
AROUND HERE KNOWS OUR FACES. [ Car horn honking ] SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. MY MAN ! WHAT UP, T ?
- HOMER !
- WHAT'S UP ? HEY, DICK.
ELI HAWKINS GOT HIS TAIL... CAUGHT IN
A CRACK, HUH ? HE DID. AND YOU KEPT MY NAME
OUT OF IT ? I DID. SO I OWE YOU ? YOU DO. THIS HEARING OF
THE COMMITTEE ON POWER AND
INDUSTRY WILL COME TO ORDER. [ Dodge ]
THE HEALTH OF AMERICA'S
INSURANCE INDUSTRY-- HEY, COME HERE.
SOMETHIN' CAME UP. I GOT
A CALL FROM AN EPA GUY. SAID HE HEARD HOW FAST
I BAILED ON THE POWER LINES. HE'S GOT SOMETHING
REALLY HOT FOR ME. HE WANTS TO MEET ME
OUTTA THE OFFICE, AFTER
BUSINESS H
OURS, LIKE TONIGHT. [ Thomas ]
MR. WHITNEY ? YOU SAID
YOU'D BE ALONE. WHAT IS HE DOIN' HERE ?
WHAT IS HE, A COP ? YOU WEARIN' A WIRE ?
YOU WEARIN' A GODDAMN WIRE ? RELAX, MR. WHITNEY,
I'M NOT WIRED. YEAH ? WELL, LET'S SEE. I KNOW YOU GOT IT.
I JUST GOTTA FIND IT,
THAT'S ALL. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME ! HEY, MAN,
I TOLD YA HE'S OKAY. HE'S NOT WIRED.
LOOK. HE HAS NO WIRE HERE. NO WIRE.
YOU CAN TRUST HIM.
LOOK AT THIS GUY. HE'S GOT FIRE ENGINES ON HIS
DRAWERS. THIS IS A GOOD MAN.
NOW COOL IT. JUST
RELAX. IS THIS GONNA BE
SOMETHING WE CAN USE ? YOUR FRIENDS
AT THE POWER COMPANY
WOULD BE VERY INTERESTED. TALK TO ME. ALL RIGHT. THE WHITE HOUSE
IS PUTTING HEAT ON THE EPA. NOW WE'RE GONNA ANNOUNCE
A MAJOR INVESTIGATION... ON THE RELATION
BETWEEN POWER LINES
AND CANCER CLUSTERS. MRS. DODGE, IT'S ARTHUR
REINHARDT. MAY I PLEASE
SPEAK TO THE CHAIRMAN ? [ Woman On Intercom ]
MR. ANDERSEN ?
MR. BRIDGES IS ON ONE. ZEKE ! HOW IN
THE HELL ARE YA ? [ As Zeke ]
I'M MADDER THAN A BAPTIST
IN A BROTHEL,
YOU SOM-BITCH ! OLAF ! YOU HEAR
ABOUT THIS EPA BULLSHIT ? WHY,
IT COULD RUIN GULF COAST POWER ! THEY'RE GOIN' AHEAD
WITH THIS GODDAMN
POWER LINES INVESTIGATION. I THOUGHT WE HAD THIS SETTLED.
THEY DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF. THEY AIN'T LOOKIN' FOR PROOF !
THEY'RE LOOKIN' FOR DINNER
AND WE'RE IT ! I TELL YA, I'M ABOUT AS CRAZY
AS A DOG IN A HUBCAP FACTORY. [ Sighing ]
AH, SHIT. ALL RIGHT, ZEKE. ZEKE, I'M GOIN' UP TO D.C. FOR
THE CLEAN AIR HEARINGS ANYWAY. I'LL TALK TO DODGE. YA GOT A SECOND ? YEAH.
OKAY, I HEARD SOMETHING.
AND I KNOW THERE'S
SOME BUSINESS IN IT. I'M LISTENING. EPA, LAUNCHING A BIG
INVESTIGATION ON POWER LINES. THEY'RE GETTIN' A LOT OF
PRESSURE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. I HEARD
THE SAME THING. NOTHING GETS BY YOU,
DOES IT ? NOT MUCH. BUT THANK YOU, SON.
I APPRECIATE YOUR
SHARING THAT WITH ME. OKAY, SO, THERE'S PROBABLY
SOMETHING IN IT FOR US. THOMAS, IF WE GOT THE EPA
OFF OLAF ANDERSEN'S BACK, HE'D BE EXTREMELY
APPRECIATIVE. SO... HOW DO WE
GO ABOUT DOI
N' THAT ? MY COMMITTEE. WE AUDIT THEIR FUNDING.
HELL, I GOT HIM
BY THE BALLS. SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA
RIP THEIR BALLS O-- OH, NO, NO, NO. THOMAS, PERSUASION. STRENUOUS PERSUASION. OH, NOW, THAT'S ALLOWED. PERSUASION, YES.
INTIMIDATION, NO. BUT... IT'S A GRAY AREA. WHO'S TO SAY
WHICH IS WHICH ? OH ! PERSUASION.
YOU CAN'T RIP 'EM OUT.
YOU HAVE TO PERSUADE 'EM OUT. HEY, DICK,
IS THERE SOMEBODY YOU
CAN CALL TO MAKE SURE... THE EPA'S REALLY DOING
THE INVESTIGATION ? OF COURSE.
HE OUGHTA BE IN BY NOW. W
HO ? SKEETER WARBURTON,
OF COURSE. ALWAYS GO
STRAIGHT TO THE TOP, SON. OH, A LITTLE OUTTA
MY LEAGUE, DICK. HEY. WATCH IT. LET'S GO ! [ Hattie ]
CONGRESSMAN DODGE ? OH, UH, UH,
MRS. RIFKIN
FROM THE, UH-- SILVER FOXES.
YOU REMEMBER, AMERICA'S SECOND-LARGEST
SENIORS' ORGANIZATION... WITH MEMBERS IN EVERY
DISTRICT IN FLORIDA,
INCLUDING YOURS. OH, YES, OF COURSE. IT'S
A MARVELOUS ORGANIZATION,
JUST MARVELOUS. WELL, IT'S ALWAYS
A PLEASURE TO SEE-- I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. YES, I'D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH,
BUT RIGHT NOW I'M IN A RUSH
TO GET BACK TO MY OFFICE. YOU CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT.
WE'LL GET TOGETHER-- THIS WON'T TAKE A SECOND. COULD I JUST WALK YA
TO YOUR OFFICE ? UH, WELL-- THAT'D BE FINE. OH, GOOD. IF THE FDA WOULD JUST AGREE
TO LOOK AT THE NEW SUPPORT HOSE, WE'D FEEL LIKE
WE MADE SOME PROGRESS. INDEED, YOU KNOW,
MRS. RIFKIN, I'M ALWAYS SO
EXCITED TO HEAR YOUR VIEWS, BUT REALLY, DEAR,
I'VE GOT TO RUN. SO RUN,
WHO'S KEEPING YOU ? SO DON'T BE A STRANGER.
KEEP IN TOUCH. [ Elevator Bell Ring
ing ] [ Elevator Bell Ringing ] [ Coin Clanging ] KIMBERLY, CAN YOU GET ME
SKEETER WARBURTON
ON THE PHONE, PLEASE ? RIGHT AWAY,
CHAIRMAN DODGE. - UH, SWEEP FOR RADON ?
- RADON ? I'M SORRY, I-- I DON'T RECALL. DO YOU HAVE A WORK ORDER ? OH, NO, UH,
SUPERVISOR SAID, UH-- SUPERVISOR SAID
AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE
NO PAPERWORK ON THIS... 'CAUSE SOMETHING
ABOUT Y'ALL KILLED
SOME RADON STUDY. WELL, WE DID DELETE
A FEW MINOR BUDGET ITEMS. HEY, HOW'S IT GONNA LOOK
TO THE OTHER PEOPLE... IF THEY FIND OUT
I SWEPT
YOUR OFFICE FOR RADON,
DIDN'T DO EVERYBODY ELSE'S ? - HOW THAT GONNA LOOK,
MR. WARBURTON ?
- POINT TAKEN. GO RIGHT AHEAD. YOU BETTER STEP OUTSIDE.
I GOTTA SPRAY SOME NASTY SHIT.
LOOK AT THAT. UH-HUH. AH, BRENDA ? I'M STEPPING OUT
FOR A FEW MINUTES. YEAH, BRENDA, DON'T COME
IN HERE, 'CAUSE YOU MAY GET
SOME OF THIS SHIT ON YA. [ As Warburton ]
AH, BRENDA,
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. I'M EXPECTING A CALL FROM-- MR. WARBURTON,
CHAIRMAN DODGE IS ON LINE TWO. OH, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
PUT HIM THRO
UGH. AFTERNOON, MR. CHAIRMAN.
SKEETER HERE. I NEED A STRAIGHT ANSWER
FROM YOU, SKEETER. IS THE WHITE HOUSE
ON YOUR BACK ABOUT POWER LINES ? ARE WE OFF THE RECORD,
MR. CHAIRMAN ? OF COURSE. WELL, I HAD HOPED TO GO UP
TO HYANNIS PORT THIS WEEKEND
TO SPEND TIME WITH TISH... AND DO SOME SAILING,
BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING
TO BE ABLE TO BECAUSE I'M... SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN THE
OFFICE WRITING TESTIMONY TO YOUR
COMMITTEE ON CANCER CLUSTERS. WELL, I, UH, APPRECIATE
YOUR CANDOR, SKEETER. - ANYTHING
TO BE OF HELP,
MR. CHAIRMAN.
- BYE. [ As Warburton ]
AH, TAKE OFF FOR THE REST
OF THE WEEK, PLEASE, BRENDA. [ Dodge ]
I DON'T SEE HOW I CAN
HELP YA ON THIS ONE. THIS IS THE EPA.
THIS IS THE PRESIDENT. THIS IS MY LIFEBLOOD. OLAF, I SEE THAT.
I SEE THAT. BUT IN THIS TOWN
YOU'VE GOTTA PICK YOUR FIGHTS. THIS COULD MEAN
SIX FIGURES, DICK. HIGH SIX FIGURES. SEVEN FIGURES ? I SUPPOSE A MILLION DOLLARS
ISN'T TOO MUCH TO INSURE AGAINST
LOSIN' FIVE BILLION. - NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
- BUT HOW CAN I FUNNEL
THIS KIND OF MONEY TO YOU ? IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT,
WE CAN FIND A LOOPHOLE. NO ONE
WILL SEE YOUR FINGERPRINTS. NO ONE WILL KNOW ? NO ONE WILL KNOW. OLAF'S JUST MAKING
A CONTRIBUTION
AS A PATRIOTIC CITIZEN. - AND IN RETURN FOR THAT,
HE'S GETTING--
- GOOD GOVERNMENT ! EXACTLY !
LITTLE ACCESS, THAT'S ALL. YES, I'M CALLIN'
FROM CHAIRMAN DODGE'S
OFFICE ON THE HILL. WE WANTED TO BE SURE
CNN WAS SENDING A CREW
TO THE CLEAN AIR HEARINGS TODAY. NO, NOT THE NEW
EMISSION STANDARDS. WE'RE BREAKING NE
WS.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING SINCE
THE CHECK BOUNCING SCANDAL. THIS IS CYNTHIA LEESON FROM
THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS OFFICE. MY BOSS JUST WANTED ME TO CALL
YOU FOLKS AND LET YOU KNOW
WE'RE GOING TO BE MAKING... A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
TODAY AT THE CLEAN AIR HEARINGS. NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TELL
YOU THAT, BUT IT'S HOT. IF THE NEW YORK TIMES
WANTS TO BE THE ONLY PAPER
IN TOWN TO MISS OUT... ON THE BIGGEST STORY OF THE
YEAR, THAT'S JUST UP TO Y'ALL. HURRY UP, GET INTO YOUR
SEATS. COME ON, YOU G
UYS. [ Hattie ]
IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY.
POLLY, WHAT'S YOUR HURRY ? LET'S SIT HERE. WHAT,
IN THE BACK ? JUST SIT DOWN,
WILL YOU ? ALL RIGHT. - HOW'S EVERYTHING ?
- GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD
BE A WONDERFUL WAY
FOR US TO START ? WITH ME CONGRATULATING YOU
ON WHAT A WONDERFUL JOB YOU'VE
BEEN DOING ON THE COMMITTEE. AND REALLY SHOW OUR APPRECIATION
ESPECIALLY ON BEHALF
OF THE MINORITY COMMUNITY. WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT,
SON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M CUTTING OUT
OF HERE EARLY. [ Ira ]
DON'T WA
NNA RUN INTO HIM ? THIS IS A MISTAKE.
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME. I'M SURPRISED, WELL,
DELIGHTED BY THE MEDIA
TURNOUT TODAY. I HAD NO IDEA THAT CLEAN
AIR WAS SUCH A GOOD ISSUE. OH, YEAH, ISN'T IT SOMETHIN' ? THIS MEETING OF THE POWER
AND INDUSTRY COMMITTEE... TO CONSIDER THE REAUTHORIZATION
OF THE CLEAN AIR ACT
IS NOW IN SESSION. TODAY'S FIRST BUSINESS IS
A PANEL OF NATIONAL LEADERS... IN THE FIELD OF UTILITIES,
BUT BEFORE I WELCOME THEM, THE CHAIR WOULD LIKE TO
YIELD TO THE DISTINGUISHED
GENTLE
MAN FROM FLORIDA. THANK YOU, MR. CHAIRMAN.
I'D LIKE TO MAKE A VERY PERSONAL
STATEMENT, MR. CHAIRMAN. I WOULD LIKE TO
START OFF BY SAYING THANK YOU...
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THANK YOU FOR YOUR LEADERSHIP
AND FOR YOUR VISION. BUT MOST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE. ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR COURAGE. MY COURAGE, HUH ? YES, SIR, YOUR COURAGE... IN EXPOSING
THE CORRUPTION THAT EATS
AWAY AT THIS INSTITUTION. YOUR COURAGE IN TAKING ON
THE SPECIAL INTERESTS... AND YOUR COURAGE IN TAKING
A MAJOR NEW STEP. BUT, I-I'VE DONE
NOTHING NEW. NOTHING AT ALL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? THIS IS TRUE !
BECAUSE INTEGRITY IS NOTHING
NEW TO YOU, MR. CHAIRMAN. INTEGRITY IS SECOND NATURE
TO THIS MAN. BUT STILL IT'S A RARE
PUBLIC SERVANT WHO'LL
TAKE ON THE PACS... AND THE LOBBYISTS
AND THE FAT CATS.... AND SIDE WITH THE AMERICAN
FAMILY WHO JUST WANT TO LIVE
IN SAFE NEIGHBORHOODS... AND SEND THEIR KIDS
OFF TO SAFE SCHOOLS. WELL, I THANK THE GENTLEMAN,
BUT WE REALLY MUST MOVE ALONG.
IF THE GE
NTLEMAN WOULD-- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
YESTERDAY, I HAD A MEETING
WITH THE CHAIRMAN... IN HIS OFFICE
WITH MR. OLAF ANDERSEN... OF GULF COAST POWER,
AND HIS LOBBYIST,
MR. TERRY CORRIGAN. I THANK THE GENTLEMAN !
BUT WE REALLY
MUST MOVE ALONG ! THE SUBJECT
OF THIS MEETING... WAS THE POSSIBLE EPA
INVESTIGATION ON POWER LINES... AND THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THEM
AND INCREASED CANCER RISKS. GENTLEMAN'S OUT OF ORDER. NOW WHAT MAKES
THIS MEETING DIFFERENT... FROM MOST OF THE OTHER
MEETINGS THAT TA
KE PLACE
IN WASHINGTON... WAS THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
WERE ACTUALLY REPRESENTED... IN THE FORM OF THIS. OH ! AT CHAIRMAN DODGE'S
SUGGESTION, I VIDEOTAPED
THE ENTIRE MEETING ! HUH ? DON'T YA LOVE THAT ? ISN'T THAT SOMETHIN' ?
DICK DODGE ! ISN'T HE
SOMETHIN' SPECIAL ? DON'T YOU LOVE THIS MAN ? [ Gavel Pounding ] - GENTLEMAN IS OUT OF ORDER.
- DODGE DOUBLE-CROSSED US. - YOU'RE FIRED.
- DON'T YA LOVE
THIS CHAIRMAN ? [ Gavel Pounding ]
GENTLEMAN IS OUT OF ORDER ! SEE, HE'S BROUGHT DIGNITY
BA
CK TO THE NAME DICK.
NO LONGER IS IT TRICKY. COME ON, DICK IS GOOD !
DICK IS GOOD ! - TURN OFF HIS MICROPHONE !
- CHAIRMAN DODGE ! THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME
NOR THE PLACE FOR THESE MATTERS. BUT YOU MAY REST ASSURED
THAT THE COMMITTEE... WILL INVESTIGATE THEM
THOROUGHLY. NOW, WE'RE GONNA TAKE
A 15-MINUTE RECESS. DICK, YOU CRAZY SON-OF-A-BITCH,
YOU KNOW WE PLANNED THIS. [ Crowd Murmuring ] YOU STUPID
SON-OF-A-BITCH ! YOU TAPED
OUR CONVERSATION ? THEY ARE
MAKIN' 'EM KINDA SMALL NOWADAYS. YOU BAS
TARD !
YOU TWO BASTARDS ! YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
HANG ME OUT TO DRY ?
BULLSHIT ! IF I GO DOWN,
YOU GO DOWN,
DICK DODGE ! SAY, DO YOU REMEMBER
THAT LITTLE $300,000
YOU SQUEEZED OUTTA ME... FOR YOUR VOTER
REGISTRATION SCAM, HUH ? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ?
JUST WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE. WHAT ABOUT THE $200,000
FOR YOUR PHONY FOUNDATION ? OR THE BUNDLED CHECKS MY
EXECUTIVE PUT IN YOUR POCKET ? OKAY, NOW. OLAF. NO, NO, I TRUSTED YOU, DICK.
I GAVE YOU MY CONDO IN VAIL. I GAVE YOU MY CORPORATE JET
TO
FLY ALL OVER THE-- ALL RIGHT-- I BOUGHT 10,000 COPIES
OF YOUR BORING, DULL-ASS
AUTOBIOGRAPHY ! I PUT UP SCHOLARSHIPS
TO SEND YOUR KIDS
THROUGH COLLEGE. I EVEN HIRED YOUR
GODDAMN COLOR-BLIND WIFE
TO REDECORATE MY OFFICE. OLAF ! JESUS !
SIT DOWN ! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ? I'M TRYIN' TO TELL YOU, I DIDN'T
HAVE A GODDAMN THING TO DO WITH
THIS ! YOU SHITTIN' ME ? NO, NO, NO, NO !
THINK ! THINK ! I KNOW YOU GOT ME
BY THE SHORT AND CURLIES. WHAT THE HELL WOULD I HAVE
TO GAIN BY SELLIN' YOU OUT ? I HAD
NO IDEA THAT SLIME BAG
WAS TAPIN' US. EXCUSE ME. DICK ? LIGHTEN UP ON THE SLIME BAG,
HUH ? WHAT'S YOUR GAME,
THOMAS ? SHAKEDOWN ? YEAH, IT'S A SHAKEDOWN.
ALL RIGHT ? AND UNLESS YOU
WANNA SEE THIS... ALL OVER CNN,
YOU'RE GONNA PAY MY PRICE. FIRST, I WANT YOU
TO CALL SKEETER WARBURTON. I WANT YOU TO TELL HIM
TO LAUNCH AN INVESTIGATION
ON POWER LINES. - WHA--
- AH ! THERE'S MORE. I WANT YOU TO RESIGN.
YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE
IT'S FOR HEALTH REASONS. MOST OF US WILL BELIEVE
THAT 'CAUSE WE'VE SEEN YO
U
IN THE STEAM ROOM. WHY THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN' THIS ? I AM DOING THIS FOR MICKEY JUBA
AND I'M DOIN' THIS FOR CELIA
KIRBY AND I'M DOIN' THIS... FOR MY GRANDMOTHER AND
ABOUT A MILLION OTHER PEOPLE
YOU WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT. WHO ? - DO WE HAVE A DEAL OR NOT ?
- WELL, I GUESS THAT... DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON
WHAT'S ON THAT TAPE,
DOESN'T IT ? YOU KNOW WHAT'S ON THIS TAPE.
THIS IS AMERICA'S
SLEAZIEST HOME VIDEO. FUCK THAT.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU
REALLY GOT ON THAT TAPE. THIS IS JUST A COPY ! GIVE ME THAT
! YO, MAN,
IT'S JUST A COPY. [ Loretta As Inga ]
MARIA, MY HOT-BLOODED
SPANISH FRIEND. BABETTE, THE PARISIAN
PUSSYCAT, AND MANY OTHERS. SO CALL THE GIRLS
OF MANY NATIONS. IT'S A BLUFF. AT 1-900-555-- IT'S A STINKING,
CHEAP-ASS BLUFF. [ TV ]
NATO. BUT THE QUESTION IS,
CAN WE GET THE SHIT BACK
INTO THE HORSE ? WHY NOT ? HE NEVER MADE
ANY SPECIFIC CHARGES. SO WHAT DO WE DO WHEN
WE GO BACK IN THE HEARING ? LEAVE THAT TO ME.
YOU JUST WALK BACK IN THERE
LOOKIN' DIGNIFIED. - DIGNIFIED.
- AND YOU !
YOU BETTER BE VERY, VERY
QUIET IN THERE, MY FRIEND. I GOT THE GOODS ON YOU,
AND IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE TO
LEAVE TIRE MARKS ALL OVER YOU. OH, LIKE YOU DID HAWKINS ? OH, NOT EVEN CLOSE. SO UNLESS YOU WANNA SPEND
THE NEXT 20 YEARS IN PRISON, YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. NOW, DO WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER HERE ? YEAH, WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER. HUH ? ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT. [ Man ]
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS,
STEP BACK, PLEASE. COME ON. CLEAR THE HALLWAY NOW.
GIVE 'EM SOME ROOM. [ Indistinct Shouting ] CHAI
RMAN DODGE ! GET THAT THING
OUTTA MY FACE ! WHAT IS ON THAT TAPE ? [ Indistinct Shouting ] COME ON,
LET'S GO IN THERE ! GO ! BY THE WAY, DICK, I DIDN'T
MEAN THAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE. I THINK SHE'S GREAT. THANK YOU, KIMBERLY. THESE HEARINGS
ARE NOW RECONVENED. WITHOUT GOING INTO DETAILS, NO PROBLEM,
NO PROBLEM. I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
A COMMENT ON THE... UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT
THAT WE ALL JUST WITNESSED. NOW, THIS BODY--
WELL, INDEED OUR WHOLE... SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT
IS IMPERFECT. IT'S IMPERFECT BEC
AUSE
IT DEPENDS ON PEOPLE. HUMAN BEINGS WHO MAKE
MISTAKES, ACT IN HASTE, MISINTERPRET THINGS-- YEAH, AND DO THINGS
LIKE BUY 10,000 COPIES
OF YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY. WHICH BY THE WAY IS NOT A CRIME,
UNLESS YOU MAKE PEOPLE READ IT. DAMMIT, SIR,
YOU ARE OUT OF ORDER. [ Crowd Laughing ] HEY, HEY, HEY !
HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY ! TO HELL WITH ORDER.
THE TRUTH IS GONNA COME OUT
HERE TODAY, ALL RIGHT ? ALL RIGHT !
YOU WANT THE TRUTH ? HERE'S THE TRUTH,
CONGRESSMAN. THE MAN YOU SEE BEFORE YOU IS
NOTHING BUT A C
OMMON CRIMINAL. HE GOT INTO THIS HOUSE
THROUGH FRAUD ! NOW ! YOU WANT MORE TRUTH,
CONGRESSMAN ?
HERE'S YOUR RAP SHEET. ARREST FOR BOOKMAKING,
CARDSHARPING, CON GAMES, MAIL FRAUD. YOU KNOW, I HAD
HOPED TO AVOID DAMAGING
THIS NOBLE INSTITUTION. BUT I CAN SEE THAT YOU HAVE
NO RESPECT FOR THIS INSTITUTION
OR FOR ANYTHING ELSE. THERE !
I DARE YOU TO RESPOND. [ Crowd Murmuring ] YEAH, THIS IS ME.
CAN'T DENY IT. CAN'T DENY ANYTHING ON HERE.
I DID ALL OF THIS. EXCEPT FOR THIS THING.
THIS WOMAN GO
T HER SHOES BACK.
THIS WOMAN HERE. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE
ON THIS LIST IS REAL.
I DID IT, DON'T DENY IT. BUT ALL OF THIS
IS NOTHING... COMPARED TO THE SHIT
I PULLED OFF RIGHT HERE
IN WASHINGTON. AND EVERYTHING I DID IN THIS
TOWN WOULD BE CONSIDERED LEGIT. NOW THAT IS ENOUGH !
HAVE YOU NO SHAME, MR. JOHNSON ? DO YOU DENY THAT JUST
FIVE MINUTES AGO YOU ATTEMPTED
TO IMPUGN THE INTEGRITY... OF THIS COMMITTEE-- [ Andersen On TV ]
YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH ! - YOU TAPED OUR CONVERSATION !
- FROM A HIGHLY-RES
PECTED-- YOU TWO BASTARDS !
YOU THINK YOU CAN HANG ME
OUT TO DRY ? [ Andersen On TV ]
BULLSHIT ! IF I GO DOWN,
YOU GO DOWN, DICK DODGE ! HEY, YOU REMEMBER THAT $300,000
YOU SQUEEZED OUTTA ME... FOR THAT PHONY VOTER
REGISTRATION SCAM, HUH ? WHAT ABOUT THE $200,000
FOR THAT PHONY FOUNDATION, HUH ? OR THOSE BUNDLE OF CHECKS MY
EXECUTIVE PUT IN YOUR POCKET. OLAF ! LOOK ! I TRUSTED YOU !
I TRUSTED YOU ! I GAVE YOU MY CONDO IN VAIL.
I LET YOU FLY MY CORPORATE JET. NO, I EVEN BOUGHT 10,000
COPIES
OF YOUR BORING,
DULL-ASS AUTOBIOGRAPHY. OLAF ! SIT DOWN !
I'M TRYIN' TO TELL YA SOMETHIN'. WHAT ? WHAT ? I DIDN'T HAVE A GODDAMN
THING TO DO WITH THIS ! BULLSHIT ! OLAF ! THINK ! - ORDER ! ORDER !
- YOU-- CLEAR THE ROOM !
CLEAR THE GODDAMN ROOM ! I WANT ORDER !
I WILL HAVE ORDER ! COME ON, LET'S HEAR IT
FOR EX-CHAIRMAN DODGE ! - COME ON !
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER !
- YES ! LET'S HEAR IT FOR
THE RETIRING CHAIRMAN ! YOU CAN DO MUCH
BETTER THAN THAT !
THIS MAN IS GOING TO JAIL. GIVE H
IM A BIG ROUND
OF APPLAUSE ! COME ON ! [ Man ]
GO WRITE A NEW BOOK ! - HEY ! HEY !
- THOMAS ! THOMAS !
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO TO JAIL ! YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH ! LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO YOUR MAN.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID ! HEY ! HEY ! HEY !
YEAH, YOU ALMOST GOT YOUR ASS
WHIPPED JUST THEN. [ Shouting ] HOLD HIM REALLY TIGHT, HOLD HIM.
I WANT TO GET SOME GOOD PICTURES
WHILE I GOT COLOR IN HIS CHEEKS. HUH ! NOW, SMILE
FOR THE CAMERAS, DICK.
HOW AM I DOIN', HUH ? - THAT'S IT.
- THANK
YOU.
- SMILE, PLEASE. [ Cameras Clicking ] SO, HOW DOES IT FEEL
BEING A NATIONAL HERO ? TERRIBLE. EVERYBODY
KNOWS MY FACE NOW. I'M FINISHED IN THE LINE
OF BUSINESS I WAS IN. CAN'T EXACTLY GO INTO
7-ELEVEN AND PASS BAD
CHECKS ANYMORE, YOU KNOW. SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ? WELL, I GOT
A FULL HEAD OF HAIR. UH-HUH. A FAMOUS FACE AND
PRETTY GOOD BULLSHIT. THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING I CAN DO. CONGRESS IS
GONNA THROW YOU OUT. YEAH, BUT I'M GONNA RUN
FOR PRESIDENT. [ Giddy Chuckle ]
Comments
Just when I thought I’ve seen all of Eddie’s movies, I stumble upon this gem. 💎 Great movie! 👏🏽👍🏽
30 Years later and it's the perfect picture of DC today. Only Eddie Murphy could make that funny.
This is an Eddie Murphy movie that didn't receive the recognition it deserved. Very underrated movie and is truer to the way American politics actually works.
There is a reason why you rarely find this movie on TV. It is because they know this movie hits to close to the truth for both parties.
This movie should be categorized as "Educational" so people can see why Congress is so close to a snake pit, and it's almost impossible to get anything done.. But I suppose it hits a little too close to home for that.. Kudos to Eddie Murphy for making it so enjoyable to watch, laugh, and learn from...
Never seen this movie or even knew about it. It was great! ❤ Hope I can continue to find old greats!
One of my all - time favorite Eddie Murphy movies. Been looking for a digital copy of this for years with no luck. Glad it's streaming here
Highly underrated movie 🎥 & pretty much explains the foolishness of Politics all while making us laugh!
Sheryl Lee Ralph's renaissance and her long overdue Emmy win brought me here. This movie is such an underrated classic. I remember it airing Cinemax when I was younger. Classic movie then and now. Ms. Sheryl continues to age backwards!!!
I really needed this tonight. I took my medicine and kicked back and melted right into the movie. It's a great example of the need to get out and vote for qualified representatives.
This movie is so timely thirty years later. I don't remember even knowing about PACs in 1992. Power and greed in Washington meet righteousness. Classic tale. And classic Eddie. He's some dude.
This is one of my favourite films of all time. 😎
I would never have even looked at this film if it wasnt for Eddie Murphy. Real happy i watched it now!!
This movie is one of my all time favorites! Soooo underrated.
This Movie should be mandatory in Civics classes
Eddie Murphy is one of the best actors to ever do it. 💯
The critics panned this Flick, but Eddie and Sheryl did a damn good job. The satire is awesome.
I Love me some Eddie Murphy 1 of my favorite actor watching from the beautiful Caribbean island of Jamaica 🇯🇲
One can see why it's not as famous today as some of Murphy's other movies. Still a worthwhile watch, though.
One of Eddie Murphy's funniest movies!! Great, funny and soooo full of indirect jokes!! Cast is hilarious!!!💯💯💯🤣