Imagine you hear your partner let out an exasperated sigh. In that fleeting moment, you have a choice: keep going about your day OR - ask what’s on their mind. These small, daily crossroads may seem insignificant, but the choices you make while interacting with your partner could, over time, make or break your relationship. The sigh is what relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman would call a BID for connection. Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal. We can choose to TURN T
OWARDS our partners in these moments and accept their bids. Or TURN AWAY from them and ignore their bids. The Gottmans have spent 4 decades studying thousands of couples to answer the question: What separates the relationship Masters from the relationship Disasters? They found a critical difference in how each type of couple responds to bids for connection. In these moments, Masters turn towards each other 86% of the time. Disasters turn towards each other only 33% of the time. A tendency to tur
n towards your partner forms the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life. When couples break up, it’s usually not because of big issues like conflict or infidelity. More often, it’s a result of the resentment and distance that build up over time when partners continually turn away from bids for connection. So take a page from the relationship Masters’ playbook. Notice when your partner makes a bid. Show interest, ask questions, nod, listen, and put away your scre
ens. Choose to turn towards your partner.
Comments
I can’t get over how “make” and “break” were placed on the wrong sides...
The successful relationships that last RESPOND to each other. They Respond to their partners needs
I love how you mention the seemingly small, insignificant crossroads in the beginning of the video - those are the things that can snowball into resentment. Great video!
Bidding? This dynamic is way bigger then most of us care to believe. I started a conversation with my lovely wife on this subject and it has generated some interesting discussion! Thanks for putting this information out there!!!
This is great and seems to be a healthy way to nurture all kinds of relationships.
Some folks are so busy bidding for all the attention that they refuse to notice incoming bids.
Thank you for posting! I enjoyed the visuals, the colours, the content, the narrator's voice, and the music.
exactly right. every single bid was shut down by my former partner.
I Love That! Choose to Turn towards Your Partner and accept their Bid! 💜
Idk what caused her to just be distant. However I know my past and social behavior annoys her to the point she Will never trust me and that’s what I’ve accepted what I have done. No matter how are you make it work. Trust is the key 🔐 to any relationship , mechanic, doctor , platonic ,etc
So true and makes so much sense! Thanks for sharing!
Simple but great insight!
Thanks. Now I know more about the easiest ways to improve my relationships.
Great video. Thanks for sharing.
Very simple step.
Thank you i really needed to hear this
Thank you for this :)
This is sublime material. A book on this subject I read was equally transcendent. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Thank You!!
anyone else notice that in the first cartoon the right hand sigh is the one where the partner asks "what's on your mind?" also has the word "break" over the top of that side, indicating that asking "what's on your mind?" will break your relationship.