The Fiery Sports Riot That Nearly Destroyed Constantinople • Puppet History

foreign [Music] puppet history today we'll be taking an Ever winding look at yet another chapter in the heavy heavy book we call history while our guests ruthlessly compete for the coveted title of History wizard whoa I'm your beloved host the professor thank you thank you thank you oh Ryan bergara Ari already yeah man look I drew you oh wow wow pretty good right that's pretty sexy drawing thank you thank you well hey special guest Ricky Wang are you ready I am ready Professor but unfortunately

I did not draw you like Ryan did I hope that is okay nothing more exciting than a blank slate you could draw him after hours oh you could do that hey I'm down to clown I'm born again you know I'm ready to get even nastier in this new life of mine oh God all right I expect nothing less what wonderful [Music] hang on a sec back up back up Dad you having troubles behind the camera there I don't know what I'm holding but I am holding it and I am pointing it well just hang on to that thing and keep i

t pointed right here okay Mr Nolan oh okay yeah all right you guys are doing great okay now to begin are sports fans football I oh I love sports you know that oh yeah you're a big Sports guy you're always talking about oh my team did good this weekend and sometimes you come in you go I'm grumpy because they didn't do good it's more like we want it [ __ ] yeah we're the Champs we're the Champs we're the champ I'm the champ I'm one of those people that just want both teams to have fun despise you

then no you know what that's the spirit of this whole season I want both you guys to have fun out there oh there should be a winner and there should be a loser oh okay if you insist well today's story is about sports fans and how an artificially divided Society is exploited by the powerful to keep themselves in power bring your giant foam fingers down off the mantle cause we're talking the Nika riots all right let's do it party all right well in the third Century the Roman empire was divided up

into sections to make it easier to govern though the Western half fell in 476 the eastern half which historians Now call the Byzantine Empire kept on plugging along here's an easy question for all you They Might Be Giants listeners out there what was the capital of the Byzantine Empire a Byzantium B Constantinople or C Istanbul first question always very fun Ryan what do you got three buttons open right there oh yeah I do baby as the episode goes on are we gonna get lower and lower if you play y

our cards or anything you know what I mean what do you got I got B I started to spell Chris Constantinople and I realized I don't know how to spell it so I just stopped honestly you're on a Rollie you just got the very easy part left you can do it I believe in you I believe in you actually constantly yeah Noble like that yeah baby nice a Jelly Bean for the beef bowl oh yeah I was just gonna write John Constantine instead what do we call that a spelling Bean that's pretty good actually how about

you Ricky what you got I also wrote B Constantinople but I also drew a little um what are these called Caracas because I think there's a Constantinople so don't say all the words otherwise they'll sue us you know what I'm gonna give you a Jelly Bean for that one it is right well sort of it's a bit of a trick question oh you nasty little because all three of those are actually the same city in 330 the ruler of the Byzantine Empire Constantine changed byzantium's name to something a little more hi

s own name Constantinople that'd be like if you uh lived in bergara Berg or Ricky Town sounds good yeah have a drink wangapalooza palooza we got crazy there don't ask me what we do there yeah it was about just the mayor located at the Nexus between Europe and Asia Constantinople was a gooey ass Melting Pot governed by Roman law with Greek as its primary language and Christianity as its de facto religion for leisure citizens would gather at the enormous Hippodrome to watch that most Byzantine of

pastimes which was what now this isn't an official question with graphics and everything but if you guessed the sport we're going to talk about there might be a little Jelly Bean in it for you what kind of sport did they play there okay baby what you got uh murder okay I wrote something similar I wrote Gladiator ring well you're both a little bit off um because what they actually I know I'm a little bit off you're sick not right up here dude he's wrong that's right elevator doesn't go all the wa

y to the top hey uh it was uh Chariot racing oh cool oh great did people die probably yeah now today watching horses do laps while men smack the [ __ ] out of them evokes images of lonely weirdos hanging around the off-track betting parlor but back in the day oh it was the place to be up to a dozen teams of four horses each would race seven laps now there weren't a ton of rules crashes were a given and many racers were killed by being dragged trampled or crushed this violence was part of the dra

w yeah sure please adds to the rich tapestry of entertainment that they're weaving there I would be terrified if somebody got like dismembered yes be like oh [ __ ] his head popped off we've said this before we'll say it again here at puppet history and watch her entertainment we do not endorse murder but I don't really watch Jeopardy that often and I'm realizing that if my umbiolic beat contestants to death when they got an answer wrong I'd probably tune in more all right let's go to Final Jeop

ardy can we clean that Podium off charioteers readily risked racing as winners could become extremely rich pocketing up to 15 bags of gold per victory for instance over the course of his career the most successful racer of all time dial Cleese won enough money to feed the city of Rome for a whole year but I don't think he did that no now at first charioteers were divided into four teams but when Western Rome fell there were only two the greens and the Blues piccitarian team and really I want you

guys to put your backs into cheering because yo when a Jelly Bean whenever your team gets a victory so what's it gonna be blue or green I call Blue I want a green good okay I don't like being any team that's green why Celtics I don't know what this means you don't know that the Celtics wear green I know that that's like the most storied rivalry in sports is it yeah the Lakers and Celtics don't know anything about it that goes back decades it actually saved the NBA cool wow Ryan history would be

superior we would know about sports and things like that right Professor yeah yeah just pulling your leg no don't pull it too hard no I mean don't don't please don't stop laughs gentlemen go green peek behind your chairs oh what one whoa wait how did you know I was gonna be blue because you're a blue girl you're a baby what would have happened if I picked blue um it simply wouldn't have happened because I know what lies in your deepest heart you ready to eat my dust Wang I have a feeling green

is gonna come out Victorious the nicest haunt I've ever heard should I be more like yeah really get in there really get mean about it give him some good Dirty Talk damn you blue yeah you suck come on be angry Ricky look at the back of my head get used to that view because that's all you're gonna [ __ ] see we're going down blue whoa yeah oh I get it now now I want you to carry this uh vitriolic Hate in Your Hearts for the rest of this episode all right I could do that that felt great as Remains

the case today supporters could go a little over the top with their fandoms so green and blue are now your whole identities die hards would wear outlandish clothes and haircuts to identify themselves chanting Nika which meant win or conquer some would throw nail studded tablets into the arena to disable rival charioteers and curse them holy [ __ ] yeah that's wild right if I was able to throw Lego football I'd hit Jason Tatum in the head when he's trying to shoot a free throw that's pretty sweet

in fact one discovered tablet reads quote I call upon you oh demon whoever you are to ask that from this hour from this day from this moment you torture and kill the horses of the green faction and that you kill and crash completely the driver's calories Felix primulus and Romanus and that you'd leave not a breath in their bodies that sound familiar Ryan begging a demon to kill your enemies no it's really fun for uh someone to make a mistake maybe that person's your friend and then to keep remi

nding them of it that's really mature but that's how I let you know that everything's okay because we can laugh okay moving along well with all of Constantinople total simps for their teams basically football Hooligans it wasn't uncommon for violence to break out between fan groups and spill into the streets once a blue charioteer defected to the greens didn't want to race sparking a riot in Antioch so that'll be a little Jelly Bean for Ryan and his wonderful blue team yeah yeah suck it Ricky yo

u know what we're getting revenge yeah Green's coming back baby you're gonna kill him oh Caleb Ricky we're gonna kill him yes I'm gonna find the address of every single one of your players I'm gonna find out where they live I'm gonna kill them in front of their families and then I'm gonna find out where their mom lives so that I could go there and show them pictures in person of her son cut up into little pieces and I'm gonna laugh like this look at him I killed him you're a thick individual Rya

n bragara yeah yeah and in another instance the greens ambushed and massacred three thousand Blues yay a Jelly Bean for Ricky and his murderous Green Team yeah I don't think I've ever cheered on a massacre before well you're doing it now how times have changed riots would also occur even without races especially when an emperor would cancel planned events both sides had their own special rioting chance respectively singing bird here bird there not a green anywhere and set a light set a light not

a blue Insight not all that cutting I don't think it matters if the chant is weak if you're actually killing people that's true now these fans didn't just cheer on their team and beat the [ __ ] out of each other the emperor himself would often attend Chariot matches sitting in a special little box called the cathisma and the different colored factions would chant to bring particular subjects to the attention of their leader perhaps the blues would chant for the price of food to be lowered and

looks my chant for an official official removed from office shouting grievances during a sports match allow the emperor to at least appear to be addressing the issues of the common food like if I was like Hey lower taxes were the blue and blue on would my taxes be lower no I think the emperor was just sort of like haha yes I hear you is this the first political party you know what it's not I thought I was onto something well at the beginning of Emperor Fielding complaints from the cathisma was J

ustinian the first along with his wife and most trusted advisor Theodora both grew up Blues fans by the way so a little Jelly Bean for Ryan but don't worry too much Ricky as when he became emperor Justinian claimed to suddenly be neutral I was hoping for like a green a neutral is like I'm still down that's him just being a politician yeah it's like when presidential candidates are like yes I'm sort of religious now apart from their shared fandom Theodora was in unusual pic for Justin and special

legislation had to be passed so he could even marry her as Theodora had been an actress and a sex worker the historian procopius wrote a whole chapter on how they met entitled and how Theodora most depraved of all courtesans won his love there he wrote quote there was no shame in the girl and no one ever saw her dismayed no role was too scandalous for her to accept without a blush in particular Theodora was known for her Recreation of the story of Leda and the swan hey what made Theodora's late

r in the swan so dang special hey it was performed entirely nude B it involved a large bird pecking from her groin or see it was uh audience interactive if you catch my drift all right Ryan what do you got I'm gonna go D huh for degenerate I think it's all three of them whoa or it could just be D for the D you know the D yeah Ricky what do you got I got a nude for body positivity theater we love nudity don't we what's wrong with being naked nothing bodies are bodies I got no pants on we've talke

d to you about it and you you persist to do it so I don't have anything down there doesn't matter it works for you Professor this is the same Spiel he gives in HR meetings and yeah and we've had plenty of them well points to no one yes apparently Theodora would let a swan or a goose eat grain from her groin oh uh listen you know when you're competing for views against horses dragging smashed up carcasses around in the Hippodrome you gotta do what you gotta do to get those butts in the seats you

know what I mean no for sure that does it well now well some scoffed at Theodore's past she proved to be an incredibly good leader with many believing it was actually she who ruled the Empire most laws at the time mention her name and she received foreign envoys and corresponded with other rulers specifically she passed laws against trafficking young girls and gave women more benefits in divorce proceedings nice that's cool an artist a politician a mute I imagine no she was probably stunning und

er Justinian and Theodore's rule both men and women saw big reforms in the law Justinian genuinely cared about his subjects and sought to root out corruption he claimed he would rather the guilty Go free than condemn the innocent and took stronger control over provincial Governors by his side throughout these reforms were two ministers belisarius one of the greatest military generals of all time and John of Cappadocia basically the head tax collector oh okay so you've got all the context you nee

d wonderful now the year 532 John of Cappadocia had instituted 26 new taxes mostly on the wealthy hell yeah and this pressure from the tax man led to tensions building among the people of Constantinople and at a chariot race on January 10th a riot broke out between the greens and the blues resulting in at least one person dead that's it I would expect more didn't you just say there was a riot where 3 000 Blues were killed and just one here yeah was it a pillow fight or something do you think you

could kill somebody in a pillow fight Suffocation yeah if they were like Jesus why did I speaking from experience over here now seven men were found to have been responsible four were beheaded and three were to be hanged the ropes were trapped however two of them survived one blue and one green really yeah all right it doesn't seem very fair doesn't seem fair does it does that make you angry does that make you want to Riot no no a little bit okay yes Ricky yes some good Jelly Bean for Ricky yea

h for picking up what I'm putting down no the Executioner tried to hang them again but again the men survived before a third plunge could be set up monks interrupted the preceding and took the two apparently unkillable men to the church of Saint laurentius outside an angry mob formed demanding that the men be spared sensing tensions building Justinian agreed to commute their sentences from Death to just imprisonment the mob was less than satisfied to them the fact that the pair had survived two

hangings was clearly a sign from God that they should be freed for now however the mob dissipated did the Rope break I'm trying I'm just trying to figure out the mechanics of how they survived not one but two two hangings I mean they're beefy uh jocks you know maybe they've got uh really sturdy Nets I don't know man I feel like if I went over to the Bungalow in Santa Monica and hung a couple Bros they'd be dead in about 10 seconds probably to be clear Ryan has no plans on doing that I'm not gonn

a go down and hang people with them a mere three days after the botched hanging another race was scheduled as the blues faced off against the greens the two team supporters separately began to chant for Justinian to release the two men with necks of Steel Justinian gave no reply and the grumbling from the crowd only grew worse for 21 races Justinian ignored the calls of the people then in the 22nd race a new cry rang out long live the Humane greens and Blues how they joined they joined that prob

ably would scare a lawmaker more than anything just people the unity yes exactly this was bad news for Justinian the two-party system was now United as the green Blues using Nica as their unifying rallying cry their enemy was no longer one another it was Justinian so both teams did have fun at the end that's right in the spirit of camaraderie and this story I'm gonna hang on here that was another trick look at this Ryan there we go wonderful little sash Pals now that I've experienced a rivalry I

kind of miss it yeah right it gets the people going yeah it's kind of fun well but you have a new adversary which is the government that evening the green Blues gathered at the praetorium the prison and demanded that the city prefect tell them what was to become of the prisoners what happened next hey the prefect released the prisoners fee the green Blues started bickering amongst themselves again or see a days long riot I put B green and blue started bickering again and I said go green whoa he

's bickering again well we're gonna find out via the magic of theater bye bye [Laughter] oh you there City prefect you tell us what you're gonna do with our unhangable Naughty Boys tell us right now uh no I'm not saying then move what are you guys doing we're freeing the prisoners oh man that's the last thing that's supposed to happen at a prison and we're killing a bunch of officials oh Jesus Dad we're setting the praetorium on fire oh God I'm getting out of here oh that's pretty fun what else

can we burn how about Justinian's Palace oh hell yeah let's do that Nika [ __ ] wow a point for baseball nice now with no Sports based division between the groups the green Blues realized they were pretty powerful and started a full-on riot the first day they burned the prison and set fire to the entrance of Justinian's Palace which spread and burned down the Senate house and the church of Saint Sophia a jelly beans tigaboo wait again more jelly beans yeah because you're burning stuff oh yes tha

t's a win for the blue greens burning stuff down you guys like that absolutely thank you well the next day perhaps looking for a way to get the greens and blues to start hating one another again Justinian announced more chariot races The Green Blues showed up but instead of taking their seats they set fire to some of the buildings at the North End of the Hippodrome that fire spread and destroyed some more buildings jelly beans to you both with their initial demands met already the group came up

with even more demands they wanted three ministers to be removed from office specifically the prefect the questor and that old tax fella John of Cappadocia with basically no other option Justinian caved and replaced them why those three particular people I didn't like them oh okay they're like might as well get some stuff done off our to-do list while we're angry seeing how quickly and efficiently the angry mob was replacing officials some Senators who weren't so happy with the reforms Justinian

and Theodora had been implementing conspired to keep the riots going hoping to replace Justinian himself now the Senators put forth a few candidates for new Emperors Probus pompeus and pipatius all nephews of the previous Emperor unfortunately for the Senators none of these were ideal choices why what was the problem with those candidates hey none of them wanted the job fee the blues wanted one guy and the greens wanted another or C the oldest of the candidates was only five years old all right

what'd you put see the baby [ __ ] baby too many babies sure uh Ricky I put B blue and green couldn't agree on one just because I miss a rivalry well points to neither of you oh yeah none of the candidates really wanted to be emperor in fact just the opposite they want to be buds with Justinian rioters swarmed probus's house to declare him Emperor but he fled town the rioters responded by burning his house to the ground jelly beans for you great awesome meanwhile the other two candidates pompeu

s and hypatious hold up in the palace with Justinian the next day Justinian sent his General belisarius and his men out to battle the rioters now details are fuzzy and while belisarius's men certainly slaughtered plenty of green Blues the green Blues outnumbered the soldiers and won the battle making them now even angrier at Justinian ah jelly beans all around I will reward the numbers I don't know why you always got to ask questions about these specific things because I want the context I want

to know how much they outnumbered them by you know what I'm remembering I think on the blue greens there were about much more than fifteen hundred and on just any inside there were about fifteen hundred on the fourth day the Riders returned to the praetorium the prison whose fire started this whole dang thing and started another fire they then tried to burn the bats of Alexander but the wind took the flames and set fire to a hospital a church and then another hospital ah jelly beans nice love bu

rning down hospitals yeah oops what could an idiots try to set a bat house on fire but it said this pool on fire I'd be pissed if I was chilling at the baths and someone tried to set it on fire well you were just going to water maybe yeah I guess so that's what Indiana Jones did Last Crusade but then you got to do that thing where you come above water and try not to get in the Flames otherwise your face burn off your face burned off yeah it sounded like your face was burning off while you said o

therwise your face Dave high was more of the same fights between rioters and belisarius's troops fires burning churches oh same old same old inside the palace however Justinian was understandably starting to uh go nuts at this point the palace guards were disobeying him and senators were publicly trying to replace him paranoia took root and Justinian became highly suspicious of pompeus and hypatious demanding they leave the palace the two pleaded with Justinian to let them stay but that only mad

e him more suspicious and he insisted they leave immediately on the sixth day of the riots Justinian returned to the cathisma in the Hippodrome armed with a copy of the gospels before the crowd he swore on the Bible that everyone in the riots would be granted amnesty and that they could have basically whatever they wanted at this point however what they wanted was a new emperor and the crowd cried out long live hypatious hey speaking of hypatious the green Blues learned he'd been kicked out of t

he palace and they stormed his house to men he take the throne as the new emperor hypatious still had zero desire for the job begging the rioters to stop as they dragged him from his home at The Forum of Constantine hypatious was crowned with golden chain hey jelly beans dude that's so scary just to have a bunch of people outside your house being like Ruby Ruby and crazy because that's how water entertainment was for me and you outside Steven's house start a company Dougie of course we were nake

d but yes you and Shane were and I was as well [Laughter] okay so at this point the riot faced the question most successful riots eventually have to deal with uh now what one group of senators decided Well they could go to the Hippodrome kick Justinian and Theodora out of the cathisma and just toss hypatious in there why not well that plan um worked hey nice more jelly beans for them both of you right cool wow Justinian and Theodora fled back to the palace and there after Consulting with John th

e cappadocian and belisarius Justinian decided the only thing left for him to do was flee across the sea there was only one thing in their way but hey the Riders burned down the marina and all the boats B Justinian would probably be executed when he landed in heraklia or C Theodora had no time for cowards oh [ __ ] yeah answer that [ __ ] are you even looking at your board while you write that I was thinking you're channeling the spirit of History letting it flow through you got something good o

kay what do you got you look excited all right see Cox Must Die uh Ricky what do you got I wrote B executed upon arrival because I like the option of if you do this you're gonna die yeah that's gonna be a little point for all power Goose nice yes while the men wanted to abandon the Empire Theodora had come from the streets and she had no desire to ever go back there showing the room what real leadership sounds like Theodora reportedly said quote for one who has been an emperor it is unendurable

to be a fugitive may I never be separated from this purple and may I not live that day on which those who meet me shall not address me as mistress if now it is your wish to save yourself oh Emperor there is no difficulty for we have much money and there's the sea hear the boats however consider whether it will not come about after you have been saved that you would gladly exchange that safety for death for as for myself I approve a certain ancient saying that royalty is a good burial shroud oh m

an oh man what a poet she's like Laura Dern and big little lies he's just like Laura I will not not be rich that's right the best line ever yeah moved by his wife's addiction to that good life Justinian agreed to stain well back in the hippodromes kathisma hypatious was at least according to the green Blues now Emperor and in charge of the writhing mass of rioters before him so ask Emperor what did hypatious do first a he demanded Justinian be put to death B he disbanded the blue and green Chari

ot teams entirely or see he tried to kill everyone in the Hippodrome huh mm-hmm yes yes yes cool reveal your answers I just put a death I mean he's probably like that's the only real call he has there just kill him uh Ricky I put B no blue no green because that's I think what was giving him the headache well we're gonna find out once more via the magic of the the sound effects are really really good top notch oh holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] this is bad this is bad oh my leash the people o

f your Empire oh wait whatever your wish is oh God no I do not want this job can I just like give this gold chain back and keep living my life no I I don't think so I think stop being an emperor you now rule over all these screaming violence addicted pyromaniacs congratulations [ __ ] okay in that case uh you remember where the palace is Right could you a quick run this little note over to Emperor Justinian what's it say let's see there's begs Justinian to come and murder all the people in the H

ippodrome no no you weren't supposed to read it just go okay go [ __ ] [Laughter] whoa okay well technically points to neither of you but Ricky sort of realized the answer so hey a Jelly Bean for Ricky yay thank you yeah hi patrics just wanted Justinian to come and Slaughter everyone but the message he got back was that Justinian allegedly was gone hypatious really had no choice but to resign himself to being the Byzantine emperor oh guess I have to be king would you guys want to be president I

feel like probably not fun no no I don't need that much power too much responsibility I can't play my fortnites you know no yeah well having not actually fled at all back in the palace Justinian had hatched a plan he sent a trusted eunuch narcis to the Hippodrome to pay people in the crowd to sow division amongst the green Blues rumors circulated that hypatius's Uncle was associated with the greens and that the new emperor would thus favor them meanwhile the blues were reminded how Justinian had

grown up a Blues fan and Theodore's blood oh it's still ran blue with the green blue Alliance teetering belisarius charged into the crowd now feeling less than enthused about a potentially green favoring Emperor the blues abruptly left some now chanting Justinian King for the city I guess if somebody came up to me and was like you know the Lakers really only have 16 championships because that one was kind of rigged with the kings in 2002. I I would get a little upset or if it's like Shaq carrie

d Kobe and like I know he did it I'm no I could see it you know I could see how I would get a little riled up you might kill that might drive you to kill get enough tequiza's in me yeah perhaps I'll kill those who stayed in the Hippodrome decided to lay down their weapons but nevertheless belisarius's men cut through the crowd as John Julius Norwich wrote quote the angry shouts of the great Amphitheater had given place to the cries and groans of wounded and dying men soon these two grew quiet un

til silence spread over the entire Arena it sand now saddened with the blood of the victims of it's believed the soldiers killed over 30 000 people about 10 percent of the City's population from the kafisma hypatia sat and watched perhaps pondering the coincidence that well while it never reached Justinian his request for this exact outcome came true yay no one ever thought to just toss a spear up into that katisma and just kill him I don't know I guess not you know I'm imagining this Dome this

Arena and I'm thinking Theodora needs to do the swan act there and Unite that'll placate them that'll keep them mesmerized and then you kill them all oh and the slaughter was complete hypatious was taken to the Palace there he begged Justinian for his life since he never wanted to be crowned emperor in the first place Justinian believed him but in order to prevent future mobs from trying to install hypatious on the throne he ordered hypatious's execution and pompeus's too for good measure the ne

xt day the men were executed and cast into the sea capping off what must have been a pretty crazy week for those fellas it's interesting how killing people is just the standard sort of go-to background exactly there's no like Middle Ground like it seems very extreme I think Exile could have been like a nice little thing right happy medium with the ride subdued Justinian was now more powerful than he was before the whole ordeal he banned the 18 Senators who conspired to replace him and no one dar

ed stand against him ever again ruling for another 33 years building the Haya Sofia in the meantime and finally dying at the ripe old age of 82. good run I was about to say yeah and also his wife stayed rich and to think he was so close to fleeing yeah it was only because she was like Hey this [ __ ] Tesla's not gonna charge itself you [ __ ] get back out there and start killing some people you say all right all right all right all right and that's why he's taking after the riots the Hippodrome

was shut down for a bit and he raised were suspended but when they started back up five years later the blues and the greens never United again well the Byzantine Empire had been on shaky grounds when two men two men on January 10 5 32 but after surviving the Nika riots the reforms that Justinian put in place known as the code of Justinian ensured the Empire's survival for another almost 1 000 years even after that the code of Justinian has been the basis for most of the world's least repressive

legal systems decent Legacy for a guy who was almost opposed by some NASCAR fans and that's the story what do you think of that one boys it is an insane story that a sports rivalry got so heated that it almost led to the fall of an Empire yeah you know they say history teaches us a lesson and I think this lesson is don't join teams with your enemies team's bad Laker fans Celtic fans should never fraternize otherwise 30 000 of us will die 30 000 will die in the crypto Arena that's right at crypt

o.com Arena will all get killed at half court well that concludes our history lesson history wizard kept the score and that's definitely one thank you oh great job hun and that is why you handle all the bills at home no no guys we don't do this yet we we still have to do the song Oh the song is always my favorite you know what the history wasn't as a song no no Mom it's one of the contestants remember hey don't you take that tone with your mother yeah that's no way to become a history wizard yea

h maybe they should sort this [ __ ] out backstage I'm sorry guys again I'm I'm not the history wizard it's either beef boy or Ricky I already told you it's Ricky not yet son I love you but you are not good at managing dinosaurs okay I'll work on it oh listen while my mommy tallies the scores to determine the actual history wizard please enjoy this fiery performance from the friggin Hippodrome whoa that was incredibly unprofessional Oh you mean full of blue we just witnessed pretty unprofessiona

l it's a pretty rocket scene they love to see the horsies and once they're good and frenzy they spill out into the night and roam the streets [Music] that's fine but I fear things may be getting out of life [Music] whoever would have thought this juice took chops would organize or that an interest in blood spot could snoke up passion for polycy but here you we are I never dreamed they would have taken [Music] to lose [Music] pack your bags and take a hike before your Noggins on a fight we can [ 

__ ] hear him cry during the time to [ __ ] die said he fired a constant to note where you can try to hide away with the hopeful tired of hollering but these things are fired up and gaining cream shit's getting wrecked in Old fears until you better watch your neck around Blues in Greens but I'll say let's try the Riots of Yoda status I try and maybe just break some bones away and see how that affects their policies [Music] got nothing to lose [ __ ] die Bravo cool all right love that wow what a

really energetic performance um okay mom who is getting the title in this episode according to my calculation my history was it is and we're giving Ryan another beef hat because he's looking sexy today or something I don't know guy needs a win whoa okay uh why don't you guys come up here and grab your coveted caps which you have so rightly earned wow does a little different in my head I don't know it's weird history wizard thank you Professor I mean thank our judges over there oh thank you judge

s oh they're getting better at making those hats good job on that one mom and dad um all right well uh thank you Ricky Wang for being here Ryan thank you for being a friend and all you folks at home thanks for watching puppet history where the details are always a little fuzzy bye-bye whoa [Music] do do [Music] do do do do do [Music]