MOSFILM ANDREI MYAGKOV BARBARA BRYLSKA YURI YAKOVLEV in an ELDAR RYAZANOV film THE IRONY OF FATE,
OR ENJOY YOUR BATH! An absolutely untypical story
that could happen only, and exclusively,
on the New Year night. Written by
Emil BRAGINSKY, Eldar RYAZANOV Director of Photography
Vladimir NAKHABTSEV Production Designer
Alexander BORISOV Music by
Mikael TARIVERDIEV Starring Lyubov DOBRZHANSKAYA
Olga NAUMENKO Lia AKHEDZHAKOVA
Valentina TALYZINA Alexander SHIRVINDT
Georgy BURKOV Alexander BELYAVSKY Ly
ubov SOKOLOVA
Gotlieb RONINSON Villages near Moscow,
such as Troparyovo, Chertanovo, Medvedkovo, Belyaevo-Bogorodskoye
and, Certainly, Tcheryomushki, had never suspected
that they were gaining immortality in those sad days when they were
wiped off the face of the earth. The village of Tcheryomushki gave its
name to the well-known new buildings situated in south-west Moscow. By now, nearly every Soviet city
has its own Tcheryomushki. In the past, when people found
themselves in a strange city, th
ey felt lost and lonely. Everything around was different:
streets and buildings, even life. But now it has changed. A person comes
to another city and feels at home there. Our forefathers went out of their way
to the point of absurdity! They racked their brains
over each architectural project. And now in every city a standard
movie house, ''Rocket'', is erected, where you can see a standard movie. - Do you have oranges?
- Oranges are sold over there. Come to our yearly fair!
We have toys and Chr
istmas ware! We have gifts for every taste!
Come to us, our dear friends! Street names
are not varied either. Can you name a city that hasn't got
First Garden Street, Second Suburban Street,
Third Factory Street, First Park Street,
Second Industrial Street, Third Builders' Street?
Sounds beautiful, isn't it? Similar stairways are painted
some standard nice color, standard apartments
have standard furniture, and nondescript doors are equipped
with standard locks. Zhenya, I have an unexpected
prop
osal for you. Really? Please, don't scare me. - Zhenya!
- What? Let's usher in the New Year together. Of course, together.
We're going to do it together. No, you don't understand.
Let's do itjust together. What do you mean? Let's not go to the Katanyans'. No, Galya, it won't look good.
We promised. They're my friends. And you've
already prepared crabmeat salad. I love crabmeat. So we'll eat it together. Where are we going to eat it? Don't you understand?
We'll do it here, at your place. Where? R
ight here? And what about the Katanyans? Oleg invited me to meet the New Year
at the Ostankino Tower restaurant. Pass me the top. - It's revolving.
- What? Give me the top.
The restaurant's revolving. Well, if you want to revolve,
then, of course, you can revolve. Zhenya, I want to meet
the New Year with you. With you alone! Really? All right, let's do it. Oh, how silly you are! - And who else shall we invite?
- No one. That's the point. Wait, what do you mean, no one?
My mother will be with us,
won't she? Your mother will leave after she
prepares everything and lays the table. Of course, I'm going to help her.
You've got a terrific mother. It's a great idea!
Why didn't I think of it myself? There must be at least one bright
person in the family. - And that person will be you!
- Zhenya, stop it, I'm going to fall. Wait, and what about the Katanyans? Oleg suggests that we meet the New
Year at the Suzdal monastery. To hell with Oleg!
To hell with the monastery! Zhenya, I don't want to go
to
a monastery. I want to be with you. With me? Excuse me, how can I find
Third Builders' Street? Third Builders' Street? It's over
there, behind those tall buildings. - This way?
- Turn left and you'll see a church. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. We're going to meet the New Year
together, just you and me. - I'll have a few drinks.
- Right. - I'll become rowdyish.
- Well? I'll screw up my courage and say to
you at last everything I have to say. Zhenya! Does it mean that you're going
to propose
to me after we've known each other
for two years? No, let's wait
until the New Year. After the Kremlin clock chimes.
Let's wait. I'm just afraid
that you'll never get that brave. Well, that's... That's the cowardice
of an old bachelor. You know, once I already proposed
to a woman. And to my great surprise,
she agreed. But when I thought
that she would be living in my room... Day after day... she would be
flashing before my eyes... To and fro, to and fro... I couldn't take it,
and I ran away to L
eningrad. Are you going to run away from me,
too? No, no one can run away from you! I've decided
once and for all. I held out...
and I broke down. Zhenya,
what do you think? - When do people sing?
- When do they sing? Well, during manifestations. - And besides that?
- In the opera. - No, not that...
- When they drink. - You know, silly, when they sing?
- When they've neither ear nor voice? - When, then?
- When they feel happy. Right. I'm alone, no one's expected But the falling gray twilight. A
winter day's dimly projected Through the curtains open wide. Only white, moist, fluffy snow Glimpses fleetingly sideways, Only roofs and snow below, Nothing comes and nothing stays. And again the frost's aggression, And again I become a goad Of the last year's depression With the other winter's load. Suddenly the curtain's wrapping Will be stirred by some in-come. Biding silence by your stepping, Biding silence by your stepping You'll appear like time to come. At the door you'll stand for real,
All in white, with no pretense, Clad in kind of the material For which flakes make lots of sense. I'm alone, no one's expected But the falling gray twilight. A winter day's grimly projected Through the curtains open wide. - Maria Dmitriyevna!
- Hush! Hush! Season's greetings
and happy house-warming! - Why are you yelling?
- What's going on? - Mother, who is it?
- A neighbor to borrow an onion. - What's up?
- Pavlik, you'd better come tomorrow. But I'm leaving for Leningrad today. Bon voyage! Wha
t do you think you're doing? - Mother, who is it now?
- A telegram from Aunt Vera. Maria Dmitriyevna, you always
taught us to tell the truth. Sometimes it's better
to tell a lie. Misha and Sasha are waiting for us
at the bathhouse. Is it all right? And from the bathhouse I go straight
to Leningrad. You can do today without Zhenya.
Why are you flying to Leningrad? Ira went on a business trip there.
I'll join her to meet the New Year. What happened? It's still a secret. - What secret?
- You'll kno
w in good time. Maria Dmitriyevna,
Zhenya keeps no secrets from me. Come on, go to your bathhouse. Zhenya, I have to run.
I've got lots of things to do. - Galya!
- What? Galya... You see... - You know...
- What? What do they usually say?... I love you. I want you to be my wife. But I'll be flashing
before your eyes forever. All right, do it.
I want it. Here's the key.
Come at 1 1 to meet the New Year. Shall I bring the salad? The salad? Wait, I didn't get the answer to the
most important thing.
Do you agree? I've taken the key. And what does it mean? It doesn't mean anything.
Understand? No. See you tonight.
Give my love to your mother. Okay. - It's not nice about the Katanyans.
- They'll survive. Mother! Amid a boisterous ball, In the anxiety of everyday bustle... You know, mother,
I think I'm getting married. I think so, too. Do you like Galya? It's you who's getting married to her,
not I. But you're my mother. I hope you'll still remember it
after you're married. So, I understand
yo
u don't like Galya. I can't say I'm crazy about her,
but all in all... - She's not stupid, polite.
- I see. If you don't marry now,
you'll never marry. I'm only 36, by the way. It's tactless of you
to remind me of my age. But I'm not offended. Let me go. Stop it. I'm not offended.
I'm a terrific mother. I'll get everything ready
and leave for my friend's. Where did you put the glasses? I'll find them. Glasses! There they are. You can never find things
after moving. Well, there're no glasses here
either.
Where are they? Oh, there they are! But I can't understand why she's
chosen me? She's much younger than I
and, then, she's such a beauty. I'm surprised, too, that she's chosen
such a nincompoop like you. A nincompoop? Me? Why did you tell her about Leningrad? Proposing to a woman,
one shouldn't mention other women. - Oh, really?
- Yes, really. I see.
Now I got it. Now I know how to propose. Chatterbox! Who was it ringing at the door?
Was it Pavlik? Yes, it was Pavlik. He's leaving for
L
eningrad. I got rid of him. Maybe I should go to the bathhouse
after all. They're waiting for me. I don't see anything wrong with you
getting clean for the New Year. Then it's decided! I'm going to wash
myself. Of course, a bathroom in every
apartment is a great thing. It's convenient. It's civilized. - You're saying it to me?
- Yes. But the process of washing which looks
like a solemn rite in a bathhouse... is just an act of getting rid of dirt
in a bathroom. - You're saying it to me?
- To you.
And you can't wish people
''Enjoy your bath'' in a bathroom... Here, fresh beer. - Is there any steam in a bathroom?
- Misha's right. Steam bath purifies.. Well, guys, I feel so great here,
but I still got to run. Gosh, you're a bad guy.
We expected... What did you expect? You mean you're going to leave dry?
And not celebrate your marriage? Here, in a bathhouse? Zhenya is right, guys.
They don't serve vodka in a bathhouse. Where would you be without me? Here! No, I'm not going to...
I can't...
Just one shot, guys.
I have a plane to catch. We all must be in good form.
We all have to meet the New Year. Let's do it tomorrow, guys.
Come to my place tomorrow. We see so little of each other.
You'll meet my future wife. Tomorrow I'll be in Leningrad.
Come on, drink. I wonder what you have chosen
after all? Who I have chosen, not what! It's terrible to drink vodka
after beer. I was in the night shift,
then I received hundreds of patients. Have a chocolate.
At least something to eat. All right
, only one shot. Pavlik, say a toast.
You're the most eloquent of us. - And you're the dullest.
- Thanks a lot. - I'm speaking...
- Go ahead. - Let's drink to Zhenya Lukashin.
- Stop it, Pavlik. No kidding, guys.
To the shiest guy. To the man who has overcome that
weakness and is getting married. You're the last one, Zhenya,
the last bachelor among us! Now seriously, Zhenya.
Be happy! - I have to drink to this.
- Yes, bottoms up! Tell us, what's her name? - She has...
- Eat it. - A beautiful nam
e, Galya.
- Beautiful. - And a very rare one.
- Very rare. Guys, we have no choice. We got to drink to Galya. To Galya, bottoms up! Absolutely!
Well, Galya, be happy! You scoundrels! Before seeing patients at the clinic,
I was on a night shift. It's warm! How did you meet her? Oh, it's a long story.
She came to the clinic. Is she sick? She had a sprained ankle. Now I see. That's why
she's marrying you. Guys, let's drink to their
good health. Are you cloning them or what?
Take it away now. My wif
e told me to buy some
for the guests. If we continue at this pace,
I'll never get to the airport. - Pavlik, you can count on me.
- I'll never get on the plane. I never get drunk.
Give me your ticket. That absolutely won't help my health. She'll think I'm an alcoholic. It's unprecedented. A doctor refuses
to drink to health. - Damn! I shouldn't have come here.
- Bottoms up! Now tell us
how you met her. - Are you asking me?
- Yes. Met whom? Galya. Or do you have someone else? I have no one! I'm a
bachelor. - To what?
- To the bachelor. - Drinking to the life of a bachelor!
- Quiet! Or they'll throw us out. It's alright for you,
but I can imagine what a scandal it will be when I come
home, if ever, for the New Year. Guys! People!
I've got a very important toast! It's enough for you.
You're getting married today. - I didn't forget that.
- If you forget, I'll remind you. Let's drink, guys,
to our friendship. - Smart boy!
- Come on! You speak beautifully! You're a born orator. - Move a bit.
- A born orator! Let's have our picture...
out weight taken ''Bruderschaft''. - Okay.
- What will be the total weight? Guys, a new toast is born,
a lyrical and tender toast. - Lyrical!
- We need to go to the airport! - Why?
- Someone has a plane to catch. Who? - Never mind. Let's go.
- No, not go, let's fly! Fasten your sheets.
Take-off! And the green sea of taiga
Is singing a song Under our wings made of
steel... Once again. And the green sea of taiga
Is singing a song Under our wings made of
s
teel... Attention, passengers!
Flight 392 for Leningrad is now ready for boarding. Passengers are invited to proceed
to the plane for boarding. - I think it's our plane.
- I agree. - You remember which of us is to fly?
- No! Wait, you can count on me.
Let's make a simple logical deduction. - Let's do it together.
- Right, together. - Are you going to Leningrad?
- No. Me neither. Attention, passengers! The plane
for Leningrad is now boarding... Is it possible that Pavlik is going
to Leningrad? It
's possible. Possible. And what about Zhenya? - It's possible, too.
- Right. They both might go there. Shall we cast lots? We cannot rely on a chance. What did we drink to in the bathhouse? To Lukashin. Because he's getting married. You've got an incredible memory. Never mind. So Zhenya's flying to Leningrad to his own wedding. He would've told us that if he hadn't
got soused because of being tired. Wait. He said that he met his bride
in his clinic. All right, I'll give you an answer for
that. -
It means what?
- What? It means that she was in Moscow
on a business trip. - Cast-iron logic.
- Cast-iron logic. Attention, passengers! The plane for
Leningrad is now ready for departure. Careful. - Where are you carrying me?
- To your happiness. Wait, wait...
It's good that we washed him. Attention!
The plane from Moscow, Flight 392,
has just landed... - Careful.
- Why did you thrust yourself on me? Damn! You shouldn't drink so much! Pavlik! Attention, passengers going to
Krasnoyarsk by flight
362. The plane's departure is delayed until
24:00 due to bad weather conditions. What time is it? It's 2 hours 50 minutes till the New
Year. Easy, young man! - Where am I?
- The same place that I'm in. - And where are you?
- In the airport. Bad flying conditions
on the way to Krasnoyarsk. By the worst scenario, I'll meet
the New Year in this chair. - And by the best?
- Also in a chair. Only in the air. Have you ever met
the New Year in the air? No. And I don't want to. I don't want it either.
B
ut what can I do? - Who are you?
- A human being. We were seeing Pavlik off.
Now I'm going home. Very well, go. - Happy New Year!
- The same to you. Please, no familiarity. You started early, comrade!
There's a taxi for you. Are you free? Please, Third Builders' Street 25,
apartment 12, fourth floor. Whatever. Let me pass through you. Happy New Year, people! Ouch, careful! Home at last!
I got here. Look who's here!
Aren't you afraid of me? Easy. Give me your hand. Thanks. Go in.
After you. We do
n't bite, do we? Let's close it. Going up, right? Come and visit me.
Apartment 12. Give me your paw for luck, Jim.
Come on. He won't. Happy New Year to you! Dogs going around... Mother! Easy, easy, easy... Will you wait, please? Hey! Wake up, do you hear?
Wake up immediately! Get up!
Are you alive or not? Oh! Wake up! Wake up now!
What are you doing here? Stop shaking me! I want to sleep a little more.
Don't... Who are you?
How did you get here? Stop pulling at me! Get up! - I don't want to. It
hurts.
- Get up now! You're disturbing me.
It's just horrible. All right, watch out! This is the last warning! Oh, it's nice.
More, please. I'm swimming... What is it? What's going on? What are you doing? I'm all wet... Are you mad? Everyone's gone crazy! I'm not some... flowerbed. Who are you?
It's some nightmare! Get out of here quick! - What are you doing here?
- I'm... we're sleeping here. What is it?
What do you want? Stop fooling around! - Why?
- Why are you lying down here? Get out of her
e immediately! What do you mean? What a cheek!
Bursting into my apartment! Get out of here! Behaving like a bandit! What is it? I don't understand! - Into your apartment?
- Yes, I live here. - And where do you think I live?
- It's of no interest to me. What an impudence! Bu the way, my bride, Galya,
is about to come here now. - I don't want her to find you here.
- Your bride? Yes, my bride. Now explain to me why your bride
will be looking for you at my place? I don't feel like joking now.
My hea
d's splitting. What time is it? God, it's almost 1 1 .
I'm expecting company any minute. And your presence here
is not at all desirable. Why are your friends coming to
meet the New Year in my house? I'm so thirsty!
Are you crazy? Why do you behave so disgracefully? Can you think right? - Absolutely.
- Where do you think you are? I'm home. The address is
Third Builders' Street 25... No, this is my address: Third
Builders' Street 25, apartment 12. - No, honey...
- Shoo! Come on, what kind of hooli
ganism
is this? I live here with my mother.
Actual living space is 32... No, my mother and I have this separate
apartment of 32 square meters. Congratulations!
We both have very small apartments. A very valuable observation. Who wrapped me up? I would appreciate it very much
if you promptly... Vanish! Don't do it, stop quivering me.
I demand some respect. Mother! - Mother is gone!
- I'll kill you! - Whose mother is gone?
- Luckily, we have different mothers. Really? Pardon! And both mothers are
gone? I think
one of us is crazy. I can guess who. - I know it, too.
- You mean me? Help! Why did you move my cupboard? It's where it's been put
when we brought it in. This is my furniture set.
It's Polish made. Eight hundred and thirty rubles. - And 20 as a tip.
- No, I gave 25. That's your business. It's a nightmare...
Some hallucination. And our family screen,
did you steal it? And why did mother put out
someone else's plates? You're beginning to see clearly
at last! What is there to see? You
broke in,
moved the furniture... changed the plates... And where's my chandelier? I took it to a pawn shop. Why? Where am I? Third Builders' Street 25,
apartment 12. Right, that's my home address,
I swear. But I have a strange feeling
that it's not my home. Fine. Now you can leave
with clear conscience. Where can I go looking like that?
Are you kidding? - My New Year dress!
- No, don't strip me... Give back my coat! You stepped on my foot.
Why are you behaving this way? This is my home. I'm reg
istered
at this place. - Your home?
- Yes, my and my mother's, not yours. I can show you my passport. - Drunkard!
- Hooligan! Where's my jacket? - How should I know?
- Who knows, then? A gray herring-bone jacket.
Bought at Mostorg Store. There it is, my jacket. I'm going to show you
where I live. You trespasser...
Here. Moscow, Third Builders' Street 25,
apartment 12. Here, read it.
This is a document, you know. And, please, beat it from here. Enough of this fooling. - What is it? Give me my pas
sport.
- Moscow? - Moscow?
- Yes. What do you mean, yes? You think you're in Moscow? And where do you think I am? Of course, in Moscow, baby,
in the capital, in my Moscow. Why do you keep searching there? What are you looking for
in my furniture? - Here.
- What is it? The city of Leningrad,
Third Builders' Street 25, apartment 12. What? Wait, are you trying to say
that I'm in Leningrad? - Right...
- What do you mean, right? In Leningrad. - How could I end up in Leningrad?
- You poor thing. We we
nt to a bathhouse... - Have you enjoyed your bath?
- Yes, thank you. That's it. Go now! No, please.
Where shall I go? Stop waving your hands at me! Try to explain it to me.
Am I in Leningrad now? This here is the city on the Neva? Wait, I...
I remember everything very well. We went to the airport
to see Pavlik off. Before that we bathed. Do you mean that I flew to Leningrad
instead of Pavlik? - You shouldn't drink so much.
- No, I don't drink at all... Itjust so happened... So I'm now in Leningr
ad? Oh God! How awful! It means that Galya's in Moscow now... And I'm here, on the floor,
in Leningrad! God, why haven't I flown
to some other city? Don't do it.
What's going on there? - Don't open up, I beg you.
- It'll be worse if I don't open now. Come back. Don't open it at all.
Let's keep the door closed. For your information, that's him. Who? Let me dress.
Don't open it. I have no pants on. - Hi!
- Hi! Happy New Year, Nadenka! Well, take off your coat... How was your drive? Oh, you better
not ask. I was in
a hurry. The roads are so slippery. You must be careful.
You're such a reckless driver. Thank you, Nadenka. You can't imagine, my dear,
how I missed you. I was looking forward to seeing you,
too. Thank you, darling.
Oh, I forgot. I've got something for you.
Your New Year present. Thank you!
I have a present for you, too. It's over there, in the room. Ippolit, I have something
to tell you. - You'll never believe it.
- What is it? It will make you roar with laughter. Well, I came
home
and found a strange man sleeping on my couch. I couldn't wake him up. I poured water over him
from a teapot. Ippolit, I'm begging you! Happy New Year!
Come on, behave yourself! Ippolit, please! That's a nice present you've prepared
for me! For God's sake, I'll explain it to you.
She has nothing to do with it. It was I who was so... I'd like to ask you
just one little question. Sure, go ahead. - Who is he?
- I don't know him. - I'm a stranger.
- A man I've never met before. How did he get h
ere? It's some incredible coincidence.
He also lives on Third Builders' St. - 25, apartment 12.
- 12. - But in Moscow.
- I live in Moscow. What? Oh, these are my pants.
Careful, you'll get them wrinkled. - He went to a bathhouse with friends...
- We went to a bathhouse. - They drank there.
- Of course. - Just look at him.
- I'll have a chance to do it later. He was shoved in a plane by mistake. That happened in the bathhouse? No, not in the bathhouse.
There're no planes in the bathhouse. Shut up
! Nobody's asking you! We washed ourselves there.
Tell him... with Pavlik. Shut up, will you! From the bathhouse they went
to the airport. To see Pavlik off. - To see Pavlik off.
- Is there a Pavlik here too? No, there's no Pavlik here. - Where's Pavlik?
- I'm here instead of Pavlik. So you expected Pavlik. Oh, you!..
She expected no one. I expected no one. - This one got in a plane by mistake.
- Was he put in the baggage section? Why baggage section?..
Maybe, I don't remember. I'll explain ever
ything to you. I have to dress. I feel embarrassed.
Hold it, my friends. Hold it,
I'll get dressed and explain... - Look, he's so unattractive.
- He's disgusting. No, this is a debatable issue.
I didn't do you any wrong. - How did he happen to be in your bed?
- By accident. I'll explain. Excuse me, dear hostess,
I don't know your name. He's in your bed,
and he even doesn't know your name! Ippolit! Ippolit!
Wait, Ippolit, listen to me! Listen, if he knew my name,
would you have stayed then? - Sto
p it, please.
- Wait, what's the matter... I don't know his name either. It's
the first time I ever see him. Now I believe you.
Fine modern manners you have! Why do you keep dropping me?
Why... I hurt my shoulder.
I'm going to leave for good. Let's not spoil this evening. Don't make me justify myself. I did nothing wrong. Here, look, these are our passports. Some bum has gotten
into my apartment. I'm not a bum, I'm a doctor. Suppose he got to Leningrad by
accident and he has the same address. -
But why did you let him in?
- I didn't let him in! Can't you understand
that I came in by myself? I opened the door with my key.
You can check it. - So you gave him your key?
- She didn't. Why are you so dumb? Stop pushing me.
Why are you so pushy? - Ippolit, why don't you believe me?
- Why don't you believe us? - What do you mean, us?
- This character disgusts me! Sure, I'm disgusting even to myself. I'm sorry. Goodbye. This house looks just like ours. I must go home... Young man, how can I get
to
the airport? I need to go to Moscow. There's trolley-bus number 30
around the corner. Is this really Leningrad? You shouldn't drink so much. All right, stop pouting. And stop being jealous. If I fall in love with someone,
you'll be the first to know. Stop being jealous...
Interesting. No, I'm not angry with you,
but you must understand me... I understand you.
I understand you very well. In your place
I would have made such a scene! His appearance in your house
is in keeping with your charact
er. Why? Because you're irresponsible. Don't
say anything. You're ne'er-do-well. He would've never appeared in my
house. I'm surprised that you've discovered
him at all. With so many things around. You're right. It was some time
before I noticed him. Oh! Real French perfume! It must be so expensive! It's nothing. I have a present for you, too. Another present? - Here.
- What is it? An electric shaver, the latest model. You shouldn't have, Nadya. With those floating heads. - Why such an expensive
gift?
- I'm following your example. My dress!
I forgot to put on my best dress! Wait a bit.
Just a minute! Don't come in here! I shouldn't drink so much,
I shouldn't drink so much... I shouldn't drink so much,
I shouldn't drink so much... It looks great on you. I'm glad you like it. I like it very much. Well, let's say goodbye to
the old year. The year when I met you. And I met you. I love the New Year celebrations! Nadya. What? Nadenka, I want to ask you... Do me a small favor. Here... I love
hearing you sing. You're just biased. Yes, I am. I'm very much biased. Along my street, now for many years Sound the steps. My friends leave
in the night. The lingering departure of my friends Is welcomed by the darkness outside. O Loneliness! Your nature's so tough. By making sparkling compasses'
rotations, You're closing the circle cold and
gruff, Not listening to useless exhortations. Let me tiptoe in your wood, On that far end of measured gesture, Discover leaves, experience their
mood, And,
being orphaned, feel majestic. Give me the silence of a library hall, The solemn melodies of your concertos, And, sapient, I'll forget those all Who are gone and still alive, but yet
momentous. And I'll cognize both wisdom and
distress, The objects will confide their latent
meaning, And Nature, leaning on my shoulders,
will express The secrets of her childhood dreaming. And then, from tears, from the dark, From poor ignorance of yore, Of friends of mine so beautiful a mark Will come in sight, t
hen meltjust as
before. Of friends of mine so beautiful a mark Will come in sight, then meltjust as
before. - Whose verses are these?
- Akhmadulina's. What would you like?
Salad or roast beef? - Salad.
- Salad? And roast beef, too. Nadya, listen to me. Tonight, in the last hour
of the old year, I intend to put
the question squarely. I think that we... We have to put an end
to our bachelor status. What do you think of it? - I think of it positively.
- Really? Yes, but with one condition,
that you
're not going to be jealous. You see, Nadenka, I'm not that young,
but I feel that... Who might it be? - I have no idea. Wait.
- No, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, I decided not to use
my key. What do you want now? You see, I don't have anyone but you
in this city. And I have no money...
Not a kopeck, as it turns out. And they don't give you a ticket
if you don't pay. Could you loan me 15 or 16 rubles? Tomorrow I'll send it back to you.
I'll send it back by telegraph... We'd better pay you,
so
that you leave us alone. Please, pay me if you can. And now tell me, man to man,
what were you doing here? - Here?
- Yes, right here. Please, don't get excited, for God's
sake, I'll explain everything. You see, we have a tradition. Each year, on December 31 ,
we go to a bathhouse with my friends. We go to wash ourselves.
It's an old tradition, you know. And Pavlik was supposed to go to
Leningrad after the bath. - And I was to get married today.
- To whom? To get married? Well, it doesn't matter
. At the bathhouse we drank to
my bride, then to me... - Are you an alcoholic?
- No, I don't drink at all. I drink only tea, coffee... Buttermilk, you know,
sodas, water... Excuse us. Please, Ippolit, keep your cool,
I implore you. I'm absolutely cool. After the bathhouse
we went to the airport. There we drank again.
This I don't remember very clearly. And I think that, instead of Pavlik,
I was shoved in the plane. You see? I swear, it's all very simple. And looks very truthful, too.
What were y
ou doing in the plane? In the plane?
I flew. - Flew?
- Sleeping. - Sleeping?
- I slept. Well, suppose you don't remember
how you got in the plane. But you must remember
leaving the plane. Yes, I must. But I don't remember anything. Though I remember
that I arrived here in a taxi. I told the driver my home address,
and he brought me here. All right, suppose your key worked... Nadenka, please... The key worked
and the address was the same. But you must have noticed
that the furniture's different h
ere. - It's the same furniture.
- The same furniture? Didn't you see that the apartment was
in disorder after moving in? My mother and I moved in only three
days ago, too. That's it. Enough!
Here's your 15 rubles. Now go! - You're doing me such a big favor.
- One has to pay for the pleasure. - I've had enough, too!
- Don't get angry. I have to kiss you goodbye.
Let me... You could wait until I leave. Ouch, you made me kick the box
again. Don't make an idiot out of me! Ippolit! - What did you tel
l him?
- The truth. - What truth?
- I told him... Please, help me up. You have so exhausted me today. I told him that we go
to a bathhouse on December 31, it's a tradition with us, we wash ourselves in a bathhouse
every year. I explained all this
to him in detail. Look, stop crying, please,
I beg you. I'll bring him back.
Ippolit! Wait! Don't leave! Ippolit! Sorry,
I don't know your patronymic... Wait! Don't leave!
Wait! Stop playing a fool! For God's sake,
be a man! He's gone. He drives faster
than I run. Here, take your 15 rubles. Thanks, I'll send it back tomorrow.
Don't worry. I hate you.
You have ruined my life. He'll be back. You'll see. This jealous, hot-tempered type
calms down very easily. You know, I understand you too well. My situation is even worse.
A woman I'm in love with is waiting for me in Moscow,
in an empty apartment. - And I'm stuck here, in Leningrad.
- What? - Doesn't she know where you are?
- No. - She must be going crazy.
- Call her. How can I
I don't have a ph
one card. Call her on credit,
from my phone. You're a very sensitive person.
May I take off my coat? - Do whatever you like.
- Thank you. Hello, miss? Happy New Year! Please, I want to place a long
distance call to Moscow. In Moscow? 454-60-21 . Person to person. To Galya. Well, whoever answers it. In Leningrad?
Just a minute, please. Hello? No, just a second.
Cool it. What is your number in Leningrad? 14-50-30. Miss? 14-50-30. Thank you. When? Could you make it sooner?
Thank you. She said, with
in an hour. Oh, my God... Let me wait in the hall,
and you'll call me when they ring up. Or I may go, and you'll explain
everything to Galya yourself. No, forget it. You explain yourself. By the way, only two minutes
left till the New Year. Open the champagne. It's in the fridge. No luck again.
What a day it's been... I'm sorry. Please. Happy New Year! What is your name? Nadya. And I'm Zhenya. Happy New Year, Nadya! Happy New Year! A fine beginning for the New Year,
don't you think? Yes... There
's a saying: You're going to spend all the year
just the way you meet it. Yes... What kind of a doctor are you? A surgeon. And you? I'm a teacher.
Russian language and literature. That's great, to teach literature. Can I call the airport to find out
when is the first flight? - The Yellow Pages are over there.
- Thank you. Hello, miss.
Happy New Year! Will you please tell me
when is the first flight to Moscow? That's the first flight?
Thank you. At 7 a.m. But don't worry, Nadya.
I'm going to talk
to Galya and leave. I'm afraid you'll never leave. Please,
don't be so sad. Everything will be all right,
I assure you. You see, Moscow's calling.
Hello? Moscow? - I think it was Ippolit.
- Who? Ippolit. Why did you grab the phone?
Who asked you to? How could I know? I thought it was
Moscow. I placed a call. Forgive me, for God's sake! Hello? Hello? Leningrad? Don't touch it! I'll take it. Hello? Oh, yes, we're waiting for a call
from Moscow. Moscow? Hello?
Excuse me. - Galya, it's me.
- Are yo
u in Leningrad? Thank you for at least calling. Galya, dear!
Happy... happy... Happy New Year! Are you calling to wish me
a happy new year? - No, not only for that.
- I'm touched. I'll explain everything, it's notjust
to wish you a happy new year... It's an absolutely incredible story,
you see... I'm going crazy, I called all the
hospitals, and you simply ran away. Galya, dear, I love you very much. Now I see why you told me
that story about Leningrad. No, it's a quite a different story,
believe
me. Come on, Galya. It has nothing to do with...
We go to a bathhouse with friends. We wash ourselves, it's a tradition... - We have nothing to discuss.
- Galya, dear, you can... Check my Leningrad number,
14-50-30. I'm coming back by first flight. - Take your time.
- No, Galya... I'm going to leave the key
on the table. Please, no key, no table...
Galya, don't hang up on me. It's for me. Don't touch it. Hello? Galya? Yes, three minutes. Thank you. Well, it seems to be it.
I have no bride any m
ore. Take it easy, you'll find another one. What? Another one? How can you say that? I've been looking for her...
all my life... I've never been married! And I thought I'd found her. Why are you yelling at me? Because I'm fed up with
your idiotic advice! You're forgetting
that you're in my apartment. To hell with your apartment,
and to hell with you and your Othello! Jerk! - And you...
- What about me? Well, what about me? Get out! I'm not going anywhere! I have nowhere to go.
My plane is at 7.
- Then I'll go.
- Suit yourself. And I'm hungry. - No, this trick won't work.
- I'm hungry, I'm telling you. Look, you're just a shrew. One more word, and the next plate
will fly to your head. Your Galya has already left. Good for her. She's going to find herself
a decent man. - Well, what?
- What do you mean? You have no objections? You have nothing to answer? Yes, I have,
but I'm wary of the next plate. Very wise. It's Ippolit.
Jump from the balcony. I have no intention of having
my legs broke
n. Nadya! Happy New Year! We were just passing by.
We want to take a look at him. We left my hubby downstairs. Or you'd
never be able to drive him out. Yes, it's hard to drive men out. - Well, where's he?
- Come on in. There he is. In all his beauty. I'm Valya. Zhenya. - Tanya.
- Nice to meet you. Dear Ippolit Georgyevich! - We're Nadya's best friends...
- We teach in the same school. - She's hiding you from us.
- That's what she's doing. We decided to stop by
to congratulate you two. Ippolit, y
ou should know
that Nadya is a wonderful person! - She's loved by teachers and parents...
- And even by children! She's a very devoted friend,
a social worker. Her picture's on the board of honor.
She's a very good person. I'm not the man
you think I am. Don't listen to him.
Come to the table. - We don't want to intrude.
- Go and bring your husband here. It's no intrusion. You see, Nadezhda...
What's your patronymic? Vassilyevna! Nadezhda Vassilyevna and I have
known each other for only one hour
. - What's the matter?
- Ippolit, no more kidding. - He's very good at it.
- Really, I'm not Ippo... I just love your relationship! Our relationship is rather
complicated. Wait, guys, we need a towel,
or it will fire. - No, I'll be careful.
- Ippolit... Please. Well, guys,
to your happy married life! Thank you, I'm not going to drink.
I don't want to, and I won't. - No, no, I'm not drinking.
- You will, Ippolit! Bottoms up! Bottoms up! Well, guys... A kiss! No, no way... Stop it...
Don't make me
look like a fool! Please, leave me alone.
I don't want to kiss you. Not us. Kiss Nadenka. Are you crazy?
Nadya, explain it to them. Nadya, what are you doing?.. Even after that, I'm still not Ippolit. Ippolit... Do you like how Nadya sings? I never heard it. No, I don't like it. - Have you never sung for Ippolit?
- It's an inexcusable mistake of mine. I don't like amateur performers. - You call it amateur?
- Sing our favorite song. - Come on, Nadya.
- ''Train cars''. Bound for Tikhoretsk,
the t
rain will leave alright. The train car's going to start,
the platform stays behind. A wall made all of brick,
the station tower's head, And waving hankies, and waving
hankies, and waving hankies, And waving hankies, and eyes all sad. They'll start to question me,
the smoking crowd, Whatever happened to me
and where I'm bound. I'll tell them heaps of lies,
for no reasons, And who I'm running from,
and who I'm running from, And who I'm running from,
not their business. A sailor in a cap
his heart
will pour out. The poor thing complains
his wretched life about. And getting off next stop,
he'll be so nice and kind. The train car's going to start,
the train car's going to start, The train car's going to start,
but he will stay behind. Bound for Tikhoretsk,
the train will leave alright. The train car's going to start,
the platform stays behind. A wall made all of brick,
the station tower's head, And waving hankies, and waving
hankies, and waving hankies, And waving hankies, and eyes all sad.
Yes, I haven't heard anything
like that before. Oh, guys, life is so beautiful! Come on, Valya,
or your husband will freeze to death. Nadya and Ippolit, we wish you
a lot of happiness! I'm tired of saying it, I'm not Ippolit. Be happy!
Nadenka, let me kiss you. A fine man.
Serious and reliable. - Nadya!
- See you! - All the best to you!
- Take care, girls. Why did you do it? And why did you harp on and on:
''I'm not Ippolit. I'm not Ippolit...'' Did you want me to tell them
about your bathhouse
? So that all our school would know that
I met the New Year with some rogue? I'm not a rogue.
Don't you see it? I'm just an unhappy man. An unhappy man
can also be a rogue. How are you going now
to present the real Ippolit to them? I think... there will be
no real Ippolit any more. Why should I console you
all the time? No one is consoling me. And my situation is much worse.
You're at home at least, and I... But it's all your fault. I didn't do it on purpose.
I'm a victim of the circumstances, t
oo. May I eat something? Of course, there's plenty of food. Thank you. It will be wasted anyway. I haven't had a bite since last year. Delicious.
You cooked it yourself? Of course, I cooked it myself. I wanted to make an impression. And you succeeded in it. I mean...
I love eating good food. Frankly, I hate cooking. And I don't have time for it anyway,
with my goofs-off and lazybones. - I leave early in the morning and...
- So you're re-educating them? Yes, and they're re-educating me. I'm tryin
g to teach them to think
for themselves. To have their own
opinion of things. - Help yourself.
- Thank you. - And what do they teach you?
- I guess, the same things. No, this is not fish...
It doesn't taste like fish in aspic. We need... horseradish for it. You know, Nadenka... I represent
the most conservative profession. Oh, you've got a lot of competition. I'm serious. It's most difficult for us, doctors,
to have our own opinion. And what if we're wrong? Doctors' mistakes
cost people dearly.
Yes, teachers' mistakes
are not so obvious. But in the long run,
they cost people no less dearly. Perhaps, you're right.
But anyway, you and I... We have most wonderful professions,
the most needed ones. To judge by our salary, they're not. Perhaps, you're right. You know, Nadezhda Vassilyevna,
when your friends praised you, I don't know why,
but I felt very pleased. Don't try to charm me. By the way, unlike you,
your friend noticed at once that I'm a reliable person. Because it was not her apar
tment
that you broke in. That's right. I haven't broken in her apartment yet. You have to admit that we're meeting
the new year in a very original way. Should we ever meet again,
well, just by chance... I think we'll die laughing when we
remember it. Honestly, I didn't feel like laughing when I came in and saw you
lying down here. And what about me? Just imagine, I wake up
in my own apartment, in my bed, and some strange woman is pouring
water over me from a teapot. I say to her: ''Get out of he
re!'' And I say: ''You get out of
my apartment!'' You know I got so mad
that I felt confused. Who were you? If you were a burglar,
then why you were lying down? A burglar who got tired and decided
to sleep in the apartment he'd robbed. You know, at first
I didn't like you at all. - Really?
- Absolutely. And you...
You were just disgusting. - Was I?
- Very disgusting. I can imagine
what you thought of me... Shall we open? End of Part One
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