The Real Reason James Corden Got Canceled | Sad Boyz

Welcome to Sad Boyz, a podcast about feelings and other things also. - I'm Jarvis. - I'm Jordan. And today, we are coming to you with a podcast, just like normal. I've been finding myself doing this whenever you're saying the intro, - Yeah. - and it's cause I, uh, you know how people that aren't on camera much are like, - "What do I do with my hands?" - Right. I don't know what to do with my head. 'Cause if we're filming a video or something, or even in the conversation now there's, like, dynami

sm, right? - Yeah. - Like human movement, words, etc.? Sitting for the intro, - 'cause that's the activation, right? - Yeah. I'm, like, not activated yet, so I'm almost like an audience member, like, "Mmhmm." We gotta have you do the intro. - I think we did that a few times. - And I crushed it. - And it's always, like, really fun. - I still... It's like a 75% chance I'd get it. I'm not gonna force you to do it today. I, uh, know the rhythm. Practice your homework. "Practice your homework"? Do yo

ur homework. Practice it. Don't give it in. You know what's like, uh... I just love rhythmic intros. Um... Like, I feel like I could just, like, knock out a "Sup, you beautiful bastards? Hope you're having a fantastic Tuesday. I'm Philip DeFranco. You've just been Philled in. I love your faces, and I'll see you tomorrow." That's the whole Philip DeFranco intro and outro. - Yeah. Or the Fantano wrap-up. - And "let's just jump into it," of course. - Yeah. "Give it a like if you liked it." - "Did y

ou love it? Did you hate it? What did you rate it? Give a like if you like." Uh, something, "please don't cry." Can you think of another podcast that does that, like in our kind of space? Peers, our age-ish? Um... I used to – I think in a very, very old video of mine, I did a few intros. Um... (laughing) Well, the old – This just happened to come up during a video that I did with Danny, um... Um, on my main channel. But we were talking about old Jake Paul vlogs, and the Jake Paul vlogs are so fu

nny, 'cause they just... They intro with a gunshot sound, and then Jake Paul going "Huh?!" - Really?! - Yeah. Let me play this. - Um... - Dude, modern Jake Paul, that feels like a Mandela effect thing, where I feel like I could talk to someone and they're like... "The boxer?" "No, no, he used to be like a different kind of annoying." - "Oh, like a very bad guy." - "Like a louder annoying." (gunshots) That's right. [JAKE PAUL] Huh?! - "Huh?!" - "Huh? What?" Uh, I just, um... Uh, we had a friend '

round the other day, and they were showing us... I think they were gonna do a stream where they watched every single Carpool Karaoke back to back, and then if you got, like, 10 gift subs, you have to rewind 5 minutes or something. And I've never actually sat down and watched one. I've seen, like, a clip, or some kind of capital-D Discourse - making fun of it. - Right. But thankfully the, you know... The era of James is coming to a close, so we wanted to celebrate by watching a bit of it. Yeah, h

e was murdered in cold blood. The show was, not him. - Yeah, he killed it. - Yeah. It's so long. - Carpool Karaoke or James Corden? - Yeah, it's so – Carpool Karaoke is so long for what the bit is. - Yeah. - This was like a 15 – Like 10- to 15-minute, him and Migos. - Maybe it's extended when it's online. - Migos? Oh, that's – I would – They don't get it. Like, they are not on board. And they take them to, like, their store, and they dress him up and – - They go somewhere?! - Yeah. They get out

several times. It's really strange. What? Yeah, I guess I've only... Maybe I skip those parts, because... There's a few that I've watched because I'm... There are some people who are, like, really good live singers. Like Adele and Usher and people like that. And I... And even like Bruno Mars, I think, I was curious what his Carpool Karaoke was gonna sound like. And so I think I may have just, like, watched them and tapped through, and maybe only listened to the... - the karaoke parts. - [JORDAN]

Yeah. So in my mind, it's just like an eight-minute video of them doing karaoke in a car. But maybe there's more beats to it. They – I feel like, yeah, they'll sometimes go – Sometimes they'll just go through a drive-through. But to get out of the car and stop singing, to me it's like you're just hanging out. Yeah. Have you seen the, um... the getup of how they record them? I think that sometimes they drive. Or maybe most of the time James Corden is actually driving, but there was a thing that

went viral a while back where they weren't actually driving the car. It was on like a... - Oh, it's like a film production. - Like a film production, yeah. [JORDAN] Oh, hell yeah. Apparently he, like, addressed the controversy in a video, and he was like, "I wasn't feeling good that day." - Yeah, maybe we can watch that. - "I was drunk." [JORDAN] Who cares, man? For real? - Let's get going, James. - Yeah. - Come on, mate. - I get it – - Six minutes 30 for this, is it? - I know. I don't think tha

t... I don't think that, in this climate, playing with the... - I actually... - Mm. Playing with the "there are serious allegations against me" thing is tasteful, I did do this once for a YouTube Short. I titled it, like, "Addressing the Allegations," um, and it was about, uh, me not being Jake from State Farm or something like that. Um, and I don't... I was, like, desperate to try to get a Short to do something. And I don't like that I did that. Yeah, it's also like a case of - platform and pac

e, where, like, - Yeah. this is so long that this bit is going, and the joke – I mean, the joke is, "Yeah, I've been accused of abuse." - That's the joke he's doing. - Right, but – "But actually, don't worry, guys. Wouldn't that be funny? Wouldn't that be crazy?" Also, it's a climate where, like, his contemporaries have had controversies, - you know? - "Don't worry. Me and Ellen –" "Sike, I'm normal. I'm not like Ellen." Yeah. So I think if any of my contemporaries in the space had had controver

sies about this, I probably wouldn't have made a joke. Yeah, especially not, like, within the last six months. Yeah, that's more the – But again, I think it was like a cheap joke for a YouTube Short that I did. This is six minutes and 30 seconds. Let's get it moving, James, yeah? Come on, mate. Applause. Mmhmm. - Big sign. "Applaud!" - It's lighting up. The gun turrets are lined up. Yeah, the turrets point to the audience and they cock. - (rapid beeping) - Yeah. Everyone's got, like, a laser on

their forehead. - Yeah, 200 turrets. - I haven't talked about this on the podcast, but I have been to a live filming of one of these shows. - Not to James Corden, but I went to a... - Oh, really? I went to a live taping of Lilly Singh's show. Ohhhh. - Let that sink in. - What's the most diplomatic response I can have? Well, yeah. I would say – I think we should be absolutely diplomatic here. Uh, just 'cause, you know, I have friends and stuff who work on the show, or who work with the talent and

stuff like that. So I don't wanna disrespect anybody. No, the only thought I had is "I have no opinion at all." Well, I will tell you something. Uh... I sat near the fucking front row, like side front row area, - and I was – - The splash zone. Because I, at the time, my management – We kind of were like management siblings, like her manager and my manager knew each other or worked with each other at the time. And, um... And so I got put in the, like, VIP section or something like that. And that

was a mistake. I was like... - I agreed to do it, - The Singh zone. 'cause I was like, "This'll be a fun experience." I went with Jessica Crabb. Um... And... It was... Well, one, the warm-up comic... God, this was so embarrassing. Oh, wait. This part sounds familiar-ish. - Yeah. - This was like four years ago? It was a while ago. - It must have been a long time ago. - Pre-COVID, right? Yeah, pre-COVID. So... The, um... The... warm-up comic was like... making jokes towards me. And... I can't – I

was trying to go along with it. I'm just trying to be a good audience member. You know what I mean? And – What, you're like the joke surrogate, like eye contact, like, "Am I right, sir?" Whatever? - Yeah. - "This guy gets it." Right. It was something like that. And, uh... I don't know how this came up. And he was like, "What do you do?" And in that moment, I was like, "I wanna lie. I wanna say I'm a software engineer," - or whatever. - Mmhmm. And I was like, (mumbling) "I do YouTube." And then

he was like, "Wait, should I know who you are?" "Does anybody in the audience know who this guy is?" And in that moment, I was like, "I want to leave this earth." Like, "Please take me to Mars." - "This can't be televised." - Yeah. - "This bit is for no one." - Thankfully it wasn't televised, 'cause it was just the warm-up for the thing, like, um... - But still, like... - Such a strange approach. It was bad. And then I had to listen as, like, the crowd of people decide if they know who I am or n

ot. I was like, "This is humiliating." - This is like going through TSA. - Yeah. I was like... I was like, "I get it, dude, but chill out." This is – if – No matter what the answer is, - it's not gonna get a laugh. - No, it's not comedy. The audience isn't warm – And so I just listened to, like... It was the most humbling experience, 'cause I was already on the fence about being there. And then it was just a bunch of people going, "Hey, do you know who this guy is?" and then a bunch of people li

ke, "Uhhh?" and then somebody's like, "Yeah." I mean, there's no universe where anybody enthusiastically is like, "Yeah, now target me!" Right, exactly, 'cause you're almost asking – Yeah, you're almost asking to invite further conversation. "Anybody else wanna be yelled at?" And I was like, "Oh, no, I'll die. You can just whip out a gun and shoot me on the spot." Like, "Please end this. Whatever you want." - "I'll head, yeah?" - Yeah. "Go ahead. I'll just sit on stage." But that episode of Lill

y Singh was so, um... nerve-racking for me, being in that audience, because beforehand they give you a – they give you a... like a talking-to, where they're like, "All right, so, Lilly's about to come out." And this could be James or anybody. And these are just people doing their jobs, but this is how this thing works. I wanna instill that. So, that's not a thing on... This happens with all these shows. They're like, "Lilly's about to come out, and we wanna see you guys smiling. We wanna see you

guys clapping. We wanna see you guys having a good time. And the cameras are gonna be on you." And I'm like, "Oh, no." - So the whole time – - Are they giving special emphasis - to the front row, or...? - Yeah. They're like, "You're in the splash zone." - Oh, you're in the exit row on the plane. - Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly, you're the exit row. "You're actually seated in the front, so in the event of a joke we're gonna need you to laugh." - "Please chuckle." - Yeah. "These are the exits right her

e, and it cuts off right here, so your face is gonna be in front of 100,000 people." "I just wanna check; would you be willing to guffaw - if something...?" - Yeah. - "If the plane went down." - Yeah. "If the plane goes down, - could you give a 'hyuck-hyuck'?" - "Could you pop off?" "Could you pop off a little bit?" "Could you make a meme about yourself, where people are like, 'This guy's loving these jokes'?" Yeah. "Sorry, does anybody here know who this is?" - "We've got that bit prepared as w

ell." - "No. No. Not again." "The voices." So... So the whole time, I'm just like, (panicked, overly-enthusiastic laughter) "Oh my god!" My face, the fucking muscles in my face were sore from all of the, like, smiling and laughing at literally everything that was happening, - Just in case. - 'cause I felt like I had a gun to my head and I had to, or else. It's weird when you see that one shot in a special where, in the edit, they didn't spot that someone - far on the left was sour as fuck. - And

you know it's gonna go viral. - Oh, yeah, dude. - It's gonna be like, "Did anybody notice Jarvis Johnson not having a good time in the audience last night?" "Wow, Tom Hanks did not like this Gervais joke - at the Golden Globes." - Yeah, and then it's... - "OK." - And he's, like, dissociating about, you know, something completely unrelated, - 'cause he's a human being. - It's a shot from an hour earlier - where he stubbed his toe or whatever. - Yeah. Yeah, and so that was what I wanted to avoid.

And it's why, uh, it was a painful experience. Dude, straddling that line, especially in, like, public spaces where there's, you know, 100 people that could be being recorded – I felt like this a little bit at Creator Clash. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause there were people drifting around recording some rigs and stuff, and every now and then I'm like, "OK..." "How much am I gonna get, 'Wow, Jordan's pretty drunk-looking in this photo,' or 'Jordan looks kinda... kinda bored'?" and then when it happens, wh

en there's like even one tweet, like, "Those are the shoes he's wearing?" it's like, "Yeah, dude. They're orthopedic. My body is broken. I'm sorry." But that's a boring reply. Yeah, that happened at the last Creator Clash, where it's like, "Um, look at Drew and Jarvis's face during the national anthem." - "Patriots?" - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's a funny idea to criticize. - That's such a weird – - "These guys are not having a good time." "Not my president's friends." So, uh... All right, let's conti

nue with James. (Jordan groans) - What's the date on this? - Yeah, hold on. - Wow. - Three years ago. Very fucking timely, dude. 25 million views. Wait, three years ago, Trump was out of office. Yeah, dude. What was the date? - Oh... - I think if I roll over it... January, 2020. - That's like the inauguration day. - The last – That is so funny. - Wait, isn't that the year before? - Oh, it is. (stammering) ...those COVID years. - These clowns in congress. - "COVID years." "Oh my god, it's the Bie

bs, the Biebs, the Biebs!" - "And, fucking, you know." - "Who is that?" "Justin Bieber! And then, uh..." - "Trevor Noah?" - "Yeah. James... Gandolfini?" - "What year is this?" - Yeah. (as James Gandolfini) "I'm in trouble, 'cause I'm not driving the car." - I don't do a James Gandolfini. - (inaudible) "...I'm not driving the car." - Oh, no. I've unlocked something. - Dean's enjoying this one. Oh, yeah. Forgot that, uh, we did a stream for Kurtis's birthday where we were opening Pokémon cards and

, uh, Jordan and Dean are in the background talking about the Godfather? I don't know. Talking about the Sopranos, very cautiously discussing that. I didn't want it to be too loud or get in the way, but neither of us knew the other person also loved the Sopranos, - so it was just this moment. - It was very adorable. We should have done a stream where we open up Sopranos episodes. Oh, yeah, just one by one. Go, "Oh, this is the one where James Gandolfini is in it." Yeah. "Again. All right. Good."

"Cool. Probably a good one." - He's really slow-rolling this. - It's crazy. Who called it? AOL? Are we really...? - I'm sorry – - Primary source, AOL. What year is it? I don't know if that's, like... you're allowed to use that headline. - "America Online said..." - Yeah. AOL, which hasn't been relevant for a thousand years. I think it's very possible that, like, there's people watching that do not know what AOL is. - Oh, yeah. - That's... I used to – that's how I used to get online. - In Americ

a. - Uh... Wanna feel old? Did they have it in – "Britain Online"? BOL? That's a good point. We did have AOL, but only for e-mails. - [JARVIS] Oh. - So we had America Online for sending letters. That's so weird. - It was strange, dude. - "You've got mail." I don't remember the logistics of the internet. All I remember is desperately, desperately trying to get access to The Matrix Online. - Oh, dude, that was – - Just working so hard on my – Not mine. On my mum's dogshit PC and terrible internet.

I also tried to get onto The Matrix Online, and it worked a little bit - and then not at all. - Dude, I... And now it's shut-down. - Yeah, it's gone. - You're never going to get – Somebody with a private server, please get us involved. - Yeah. Do they run private servers? - I would like to play as the Seraphin, if I could choose, actually. Isn't that the one where – spoiler alert – Morpheus dies? Doesn't Morpheus die in Online, or Path of Neo? I believe he does die in it, and maybe – 'cause it'

s canon. - Yeah, it's canon. - That and The Animatrix. That was the whole thing about, like, "Hey, why is Laurence Fishburne - not in the new movie?" - Exactly, and they're like, - "'Cause in The Matrix Online..." - "Shit, I don't know." - "It's all right. We found another one." - Yeah. "We found another one of those guys, you know?" "This isn't Laurence Fishburne?" Where do you think this video could possibly go for the next four and a half minutes? It's weird to have kicked it – It's almost in

secure that he kicked it off with that little - "apology, sigh, etc." - Yeah. because now it's just partially like real excuses. Yeah. Like, "Well, no, actually I do drive it most of the time, - just it wasn't that day." - Yeah. OK, either don't address it - or only joke about it. Who cares? - Yeah, who cares? 'Ey. He's poking... Poking a little fun at himself. "Hey, look. I can criticize myself, man. I'm fun." Look at him having fun. He's having so much fun joking about himself. Hey, dude. He t

reats his staff really bad, I heard. - I forgot Reggie Watts is in this. - Yeah. No, this is rough, man. This is like some boomer Twitter – "Hey, you ever notice how the usernames are sometimes a little odd?" "I upset assgaze." "OK. Sure, pal. Maybe get a real name, you know what I'm saying?" - Um... - This reminds me of, like, - a bygone age. You know? - Yeah. Maybe it's 'cause, yeah, we've fallen out of watching – It reminds me of a time when the internet was new. Yeah, right? - Yeah. - To mak

e the joke of "OK, get a real name." - "Yeah? OK?" - Do you remember @midnight? Uh, yes. I never really watched it. - The Chris Hardwick one, right? - Yeah. Great concept for a show. It's... a quiz? No, it's basically like an improv, like... like, "make a joke about a thing" show. Oh. "Points!" Right? - He shouts "points"? - Yeah. And then it just went away for no reason. Yeah. That and, uh, "Breaking Red" or whatever the fuck those shows are called. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh... - "Chatty M

an." - Uh... Fucking "Walking Dead Aftershow." Oh, yeah. "It's done? Time to talk." - "After the credits..." - "Are people watching this?" Why is it in my YouTube Shorts? Clips of The Walking Dead. Never seen it. - That's wild. - Please stop. My Shorts are like, uh... "I took this shelter dog for a day on the town. Someone adopt it, please." To get that instead of the Joe Rogan Shorts that I get, where every single one starts with, "So there's this guy – Did you guys hear about this guy? He does

free solo, but he kisses the mountain every time," or something. - Yeah. - "This guy had sex with space. Neil was telling me about it. - Tyson was telling me." - Is that what Joe Rogan talks about? - I don't even know. - It's just all weird, uh, - anecdotes about a thing that is a lie. - Weird guys. About a friend of his, yeah. Like... Like when, uh... Matt Watson got beat up by Dad. He was like,"I can't believe a father - would do this to his son." - "I can't believe it." - Um... - He rules. H

is brain's broken. He's the best. Um, and by "the best," I mean the worst. At being dogshit. Oh, come on, man. I mean, some of mine's basketball stuff. Some of mine, there's fitness stuff in here. Do you find that if you do watch more of, like, say, the basketball stuff, it starts drawing you into some Andrew Tate stuff, maybe? Mm... I still have not gotten any of the alpha male stuff. What's going on? Oh, you think it's actually 'cause I maybe watched it for stream or something? Oh, yeah, you w

atched it - on your main account? - It's been a long time. I, um... I've moved twice since I last - watched that shit. - I have burner YouTube accounts for my dirty YouTube history that I can't expose. It's usually for stream stuff. Maybe it's Ethan on the IP. Yeah, it's like you're attached to - a guy who just watches the worst shit. - The most evil man. Gotta clap for assgaze. Dude, that neon "clap" sign is busy. It's just like the joke has already been made. What are the numbers? What did his

show pull, numbers-wise, per episode? 'Cause I don't know people that watch it, but I don't know a lot of people that watch terrestrial TV. Well, this clip getting 25 million views is pretty impressive. But I heard that the show – I was gonna bring this up. Um, I think the show was, like, hemorraghing money. "James Corden show loses money." They didn't just drop him; they dropped the show. Yeah, "Late Late Show was losing up to $20 million a year." It costs between $60 to $65 million a year to

produce? - That's a – - [JACOB] How? - Yeah. How? - [JACOB] Where's it going? - Where is the money going?! - What does James pull? What is James's chunk of that? That's a great question, because this show, I could have sworn was like the lower-production version of one of these shows. Yeah, what does Fallon cost? I mean, I'm sure more, but not fucking double, right? Um... Six million? A year? What? Where's ten times that going for that production? - I don't know. - What? Shoutout, James. OK, let

's look at Cracked. Remember when Cracked.com was a website? Dude, did we travel back in time for this episode, by the way? Yo, can you boot up Something Awful? Maybe some Newgrounds? For real. CBS could not afford him anymore? "Though CBS has claimed they desperately tried to retain Corden for an extra three seasons before he made the decision to walk." I mean, damn, no amount of money would make me be able to tolerate that much hate. If I was already, like, rich enough to retire, then I don't

know if I would stick around to be yelled at by two assholes on a podcast, say. Yeah. "The $65 million figure that Stelter was given is a staggeringly high price tag for a format that, historically, doesn't need much of a soundstage – more than a soundstage, a desk, and an uncomfortable couch." What a strange – like... Obviously we're not the first to touch on, "Hey, late-night is kind of an outdated formula, and maybe not a great investment, and not super-duper funny." - [JARVIS] Yeah. - But...

There's certainly an audience, right? Certain demographic. Uh, it's just such an odd thing to wanna emulate and launch a new version of, trying to bet on, like... I mean, some of these shows are daily, literally, right? Like every night. How do you absorb – How do you cannibalize an audience? - Do you watch two of these in a row? - Yeah. So they can both talk about the "Cheeto in chief" or whatever"? It looks like – OK, so... The finale of the show got 1.4 million. - That's not a lot. - That's

not a lot at all. - Yeah. - For a finale of a show? - For the series finale of an 8-year run. - That costs $60 million. - $60 million a year. - Dude, TV is dying, man. Like, this is unreal. Outside of, like, athletics, do you watch anything on TV-TV? Um, one of my favorite shows, uh, The Good Doctor, actually runs on network television. You've watched the latest season, right? - Oh, every episode. - Where he gains a new autism power? I haven't seen a single episode of The Good Doctor. - He can f

ire lasers now. - Um... No shot. James Corden's middle name is Kimberley? That's awesome. That's the best thing about him. That's kinda cool, actually. - Um... - That and his $6 million salary. - Yeah. - Mate, where is $54 million going? How much was the desk? - $53. - They have to pay for every year. - Reggie's bringing in 30. - Um... OK. James Corden's regular viewership is 600k an episode. - That's a Jarvis Johnson! GOLD number. - That's actually fucking nuts. Where's my $65 million? Bro, wai

t, yeah, can we have $60 million - for the Chad Chad podcast episode? - Yeah, can we please? Dude, our production, our uncomfortable couch cost, I don't know, $600. Jacob, what are we paying you? - It's in the $6 million range, right? - Yeah. - When he started, it was $4 to $6 million. - Right, of course. But then – and you were in Cats. Then he was in Cats, - and his numbers shot straight up. - Right up. The last episode of Sad Boyz will pull - better numbers than that 1.7. - Dude, this is wild

, actually. We pulled better numbers than that - by watching a racist reality TV show. - Um... OK, so these numbers are good, but, I mean, - you think about how much they cost... - Where is he on the old, uh...? - Oh, he's 37. Down here. - (thoughtful grumbling) He's 37th on CBS alone. Beat by Colbert, beat by – well, everything. - Yeah, he's kinda beat by everything. - Does that mean – Is he literally the lowest on the entire network? I don't think they're showing us beyond 37. Uh, what's – 60

Minutes and Young Sheldon that beat... You see a couple people shouted us out? They're like, "My mum watches Young Sheldon, actually." Did that happen? Yeah. "I know quite a few people that watch Young Sheldon." Um... this is... interesting. Uh... Name two shows on CBS that aren't 60 minutes and James Corden. Or Young Sheldon. - Actually, no. Here's another thing. - OK. Um... True crime dramas... Not true crime dramas. What are they called? What are those police shows? - You know what I'm talkin

g about. - Oh, uh, like a CSI? Yeah. What's... What's the CSI of CBS? TBH? Uh, IDK. Uh... NCIS. Oh, that one, yeah. - That gets 6.6 million views an episode. - Fucking hell yeah. It's just the regular one? It's not like...? - Yeah. - Do you know what NCIS stands for? No, 'cause I... - [JACOB] Naval Criminal - Sex. Investigative Service. - Naval? - It's naval. It's only the Navy. - Isn't that crazy? - What?! It's just... It's like a regular crime show, but then at the end of, like, "And he killed

her, and had a boat." Yeah. "And he used to be in the Navy. I don't know." - That's a good YouTube Short. - "He drowned her." That "Do you know what NCIS stands for?" is a great YouTube Short. I can't, like... Also... I mean, I don't even wanna talk about it, but like... Is it CSI: Special Victims Unit? No, that's Law & Order. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. You know what the "special" element is. - Yeah. - Crazy. - Yeah. - Crazy that a daytime drama is all about assault. - It's, uh – - All

of it. Every episode. John Mulaney actually has a great bit on this in his 2009 comedy special... The Top Part? Um, maybe it was 2008. (as Mulaney) Not that bottom. It's the top. Part. Uh, yeah, it's like his bit about the king, um... What's it? Not King Midas. What's the one with the baby-splitting? Oh, uh... (thinking noises) The, like, two mothers fighting over their baby? The Mulaney bit is about, um, how Ice-T... - They will just say, like, - Oh, yeah. "The victim had anal contusions," or w

hatever. Yeah. (as Ice-T) "What's that mean? - What's a contusion?" - Yeah, he's just listing things. - "What's murder?" - And he's like, "You're telling me this creep got off on little kids?" And it's like, yeah, you work in the sex crimes division. How are you surprised every week? So, I'm just gonna list off shows that are on CBS that do not sound like shows. Yeah. Give me, um... Wait. Yeah. Hit me, and then see if... Give me the first letter of one. F. Think of police. "Fuck! A criminal!" No

. Think of a three-letter organization. Oh. Uh, is it FBI-colon-something? Well, just FBI. - There's just a show called FBI? - There's just a show called FBI. What? Is there a CIA? Um, there's also FBI-colon. In the top ten... In the top ten of CBS shows, There's FBI and two FBI-colons. - Really? - Yes. What? What are they? FBI: International. Wait, what? - Which seems outside their jurisdiction. - That's the CIA. I don't know if you should be allowed to be the international federal... Like... -

That's just what the CIA is. - Um, bureau of investigation. - And then... - FBI: State Level. Um... FBI: Universe. So, there's also FBI: Most Wanted. - Oh, OK. - And then there's - NCIS, of course, - Mmhmm. but then there's one... two... There's two NCIS-colons. Uh... Uh, NCIS... - (deep voice) Nights. - NCIS: Hawaii. - Oh. Oh, is the other one a location? - Yeah. Uh... Where's the regular one take place? I don't even know. - The Navy. The Water. - Think of the most boring possible place, consi

dering it's a production. It happens in Los Angeles. Is it – it has to be on the coast, right, for Navy purposes? - Great question. Yeah, I guess. - Uh... Um... NCIS: LA. Yes! It's NCIS: Los Angeles. - I cannot believe that. - They wrap, and then done. - They don't wanna put more effort in. - They literally are like, "I don't know, here?" Wait, there's a show just called SWAT? Oh, goddamnit! I was gonna ask you about that one. Just organizations? Yeah, it's just like, name another organization.

There's a show called So Help Me Todd. What is that? Do you reckon that's one of those like Young Rock, Young Sheldon, - a character from something? - Oh, you might be right. Oh, wait, no. Let me guess. - OK. - It's a a King of Queens-style - Oh. - "I'm a bad husband" drama, or Last Man Standing. It sounds like it. "The series follows a talented but directionless private investigator, who begrudgingly agrees to work at his overbearing mother's law firm." - Oh...? What the hell? - Skylar Astin is

in it, yeah. How many episodes? Is Skylar Astin in, or...? - Just total, how many episodes? - Uh, there's 1 season and 20 episodes, but it's been renewed. - In February, for a second season. - Oh, thank god. - So help me, Todd. - Oh, thank Todd. So, uh, there's another show called Neighborhood. Um... There's another show called East New York. - What even is this? - Is that one even a crime one? These are just locations. I don't – "East New York." Dude, James is taking the L to these, - to 36 of

these shows. - It's a drama. "Deputy Inspector –" - Is this all about crime? Why? - It's all about crime again. East New York. - Not West Coast New York? - Literally all of these shows... - So Help Me Todd is... - What's Fire Country? Oh, I was gonna say, there's another show about... - I think it's about firefighters. - It must be. - It's just organizations and locations. - And then Blue Bloods. - That's another police one. - That's that, like, there's like four generations of police all at th

e same time, or something. They've got a guy that's three years older than Tom Selleck, 'cause if they were any older, - like his actual dad's age, they'd be dead. - Yeah. You cannot have... Police don't live that long. And then there's, uh, - The Equalizer. - Oh, like the movie? - Maybe. - Like, with Denzel? So, yes, it's a crime drama. I know everyone was wondering about this. And this reboot stars Queen Latifah. - Really? Oh, that's cool. - Yeah. Yeah. Three seasons. All right, speaking of ne

twork hosts... Um... We talked about Bluesky on one of the older episodes, and I already am not using it. Um, but I check it every now and then. It's still just like – I have one invite. I can invite you to it now. - Oh, please. - But, um... Jimmy Fallon joined it. Oh, thank god. Now it's funny. So Jimmy Fallon joined it, and people immediately started bullying him. It's so mean. It's so funny. So, like... So, like, Jimmy Fallon posted this image of him playing Tears of the Kingdom, which, by th

e way... - Ugh, it's so good. - It's so innocuous. It's just a guy having fun. Yeah, Jimmy Fallon's just like... "I'm playing the – I'm just like you!" His caption is "Day one, jumping in." - "Jumping in." - He looks kinda miserable. He's a little bit jumping in because he's jumping down into the world, but he's also jumping into Bluesky. And then he's also jumping into a blue sky, like Link in Tears of the Kingdom. - Um, great game. - Fucking sick. Sold 10 million copies, - first 3 days. Crazy.

- [JORDAN] You're welcome. And all the videos of people making stuff are so good. Anyway... Everyone saw this and said, "Fuck you, Jimmy Fallon. Pay your staff." But I do think that he came out and said - he was gonna do that? - Is he...? Are they referencing the writers' strike? - They are. - Oh. Because there was a story – At least I think so. There was a story a while back about how Seth Meyers was gonna cover his, uh, writers' salary as long as he could, and people were like, "OK, Jimmy Fal

lon, your move." Like, "You need to do this too." 'Cause he hadn't at that point, 'cause I think that there was a tweet about some writers for Fallon were, like, on a Zoom call and they were told that they would have two weeks, and they were like... Whatever. Um, but then I think he did come out and say that he was gonna support them for some amount of time. And he also picketed, but that's, you know, just... could just be optics. Um, so I don't know. Like... What's a Bluesky? - What do you...?

- And then – Like, a Truth Social is a truth. - Twitter's a tweet. - Oh, do you wanna know? - Yeah. - It's a skeet. - Are you serious? - Well, that's what the community – - Oh, OK. All right. - Yeah. I thought maybe Jack just didn't know. It's not the official, like, uh, thing, no. But people call – I mean, like, that's the term that people have chosen. - Oh, man, that's unfortunate. - Skeet. I mean, but everybody just makes jokes about it. I don't know. It feels kinda tongue-in-cheek, 'cause ev

erybody's in on the joke. - Does it feel different, Bluesky? - No. I mean, it's just a different – I mean, the people on it are a specific crowd, so it feels different for that reason. - But – - Hey, let me just say... Boy, am I less incentivized to use Twitter now that I have to, every single time I look at replies, harshly swipe to get past all the blue-checks. - Ugh. - It's like the site is just slower. It's like, "Oh, I can see the replies in about 10 seconds." - And then the ads also in the

replies. - Ugh, dude. It's like I hate when you're reading replies, and then you find yourself reading an ad. - [JORDAN] Yeah. - You're like, "What the fuck is this?" It doesn't even make me want the thing. - It makes me hate everything. - It's the most unpleasant time - to present me an ad. - Yeah, exactly. Seriously, the worst thing about the blue-check thing right now is not just getting prioritized or having bad takes on stuff. It's that blue-checks are really unfunny. - Yeah. - So if it's

a shitpost, the first thing I have to see is, like, "Um, this!" - and a finger pointing up. - "Uh, saving this one." Yeah. "I'll just leave this here," and then it's a laughing picture - of Dexter or something. - Yeah. And, like, what is this? Twittter, um, hired – - OK, so in other Twitter news – - Oh, yeah. There's a funny thing. Before we talk about the new Twitter CEO, at which point I do not have a take, uh, I thought this was funny. Um... I don't understand the Twitter community context, l

ike, Community Notes, but they are maybe - the only good feature of Twitter - Mmhmm. in the Elon era. And, um, so Uber did this ad, and Uber of course is paying for the gold check. "When you drive with Uber, you're the boss. #uber #earnlikeaboss." And then, "Readers added context. Uber advertises 'earn like a boss,' however, in reality Uber driver compensation averages $11.77 per hour." And then "This Tweet has been deleted." - Because there was a story... - They deleted it. That rules. Twitter

reportedly lost $40 million in ad revenue after two notable companies received Community Notes on their ads. - Oh, that's so sick. - Yeah. Um, there's gotta be a link here. Oh, Dexerto's paying for the thing too, but where's the link? What's that, uh, corporate check putting them back? $1,000 a month. - Which – - For a corporation, is nothing. For a corporation, it's nothing, but also for Twitter it's nothing. - It's embarrassing. - There's so few corporations who are gonna pay that pricetag. Th

ere's just not enough companies with followings on Twitter. If a thousand did it, it's nothing. - That's the thing. It doesn't make sense. - It's crazy. It's a feature to support. It's a thing for people to complain about. Um... Oh, that's interesting, though, 'cause... I'm trying to search for the - Dexerto source, - Uh-huh. and it does not come up. Um, so, I mean, now it's just hearsay, 'cause... What was the other one? Like, what was the other... Was it...? I don't know. Because I would love

to know. Someone said "1,000%, Samsung was one of them." Oh, it could be 'cause of the fake moon ad that Samsung did. Oh, is it just speculative? Well, now it's speculative 'cause there's no fucking link. I don't know how they posted this and didn't post a link, or didn't leave the tweet up. Like, what the shit is that? "Look at me. I care about my sources when I research stuff." Yeah, especially if you're trying to be a journalistic outlet. This nerd over here. Following all the rules. - [JARVI

S] Yeah. - "Oh, don't lie online." "Buh-buh-buh, fake news." - "Shut up." - There's a, uh... But yeah, there's a new Twitter CEO, and everybody's mad. - That's such a – god, that felt good. - Yeah. 'Cause I know, what, he's still heading up product or whatever, - or nominally, by title. - Yeah, something. - "Still." - He's, like, divesting himself from the company, I think, eventually. I don't know. - But it's funny – - He's having a horrible time. - Clearly. - He just gets to post absolute bang

er memes. - Um... - "I also serve memes," or whatever? Yeah, I was thinking of the... "I'm also – I'm also serving the memes." [BOTH] "I also serve a lot of memes." He, like, speaks over himself. He stumbles, and the crowd is like, - "Yeah, man. Hell fucking yes." - "Bup-bup-bup." "Hey, we're Bill Maher's audience. We have no opinions or taste." A lot of people... Like, the new Twitter CEO got like 400,000 followers overnight after being announced, and... the... All the replies to her tweets are

like, "Are you gonna keep this a free-speech platform? 'Cause that doesn't seem like what you care about. You tweeted about the vaccine. You know that's fake, right?" Like... It's all from blue-checks. Is that even an opinion that... like, Elon espouses, that the vaccine's fake? I think whenever somebody says something about the vaccine, Elon goes, - "Interesting. Looking into it." - "Looking into it." - Yeah. - "Fixing it." "Contacting support." "Firing whoever made it." - She sucks, right? -

I don't know anything about her. - She's an ad exec, so she has to. - She has, like, horrible political opinions. Oh, I don't doubt it. I mean, she kinda has to suck because she's an ad exec, right? Whoa, dude, she got that blue check for free? - Whoa. - Jealous. That's crazy. Is she notable? - Damn. - It's a legacy one. It may be good. It might be stupid. So... That's May 14th. She deleted it! - Wait, what? - No, 'cause... Oh, wait, never mind. I lied. - Oh my god, like Dexerto. - Um... Yeah. L

ook at the replies. This 7,900 replies, 5,000 replies. People wanna be heard so bad. I guarantee you it's all blue-checks going... "Don't bring World Economic Forum policies to Twitter. We don't believe in global government of unelected elitists, and neither does your new boss"? Yeah, I think she's like an advocate - or member of... - Ohh. And, like, an advocate for many other thinktank-style organizations, which is like, yeah, OK. All these freaks are. They all have, like, - financial interest

in propaganda. - "Will you denounce the World Economic Forum?" - No. - I truly – I don't even have the context, and I think this is such a weird – She just supports it, and it's a government thinktank. - Oh, yeah. - If I'm not mistaken, right? Yeah. I actually don't know about that. - (both as Elon) "One click. Boom. Done." - "Boom. Done." "Yes, you'll be able to buy things on Twitter." (questionable Elon accent) "I also serve a lot of memes." He sounds like he's melting. Oh, yeah, so everybody'

s just concerned about censorship. I know that, like, the For You right now is all wonky – You know, it's all over the shop. I'm seeing relatively little Elon discourse. I feel like the fatigue has kicked in a little bit. - Oh, yeah. - Versus even a month ago. Well, what do you think about MyDoge Wallet, MyDogeOfficial, - with a gold checkmark, saying, - $1,000 a month. "Do you like dogs and memes?" And then "Elonoshi Muskamoto" responds, "Seems so." She follows Dogecoin. - Good lord. - That's s

o sick. Probably somebody told her to follow it so the weirdos would get off her back. Of course, dude. She doesn't even run the account. - Yeah. - Like, - she's wiser than Elon. - She's like, "I'm here, and I'm excited to, uh, talk about Penn State football." And then they're like, "Speak on the World Economic Forum." Dude, she – She doesn't have the Twitter check. - Oh. - The little staff – - The little staff one. Yeah, she doesn't. - Still in the interview phase. - Yeah. - Yeah, people freake

d out, huh? - Yeah. - And of course it's like... There's no additional reason why people may not like her specifically less than Elon. Like, there's no – Blue checkmark-type people, there's nothing about, say, a woman becoming the CEO, say, that they might find off-putting. - Yeah. - Obviously. Yeah, nothing. Not a single thing. Unless she's hormonal and she deletes stuff. Am I right? That's gotta be a take. She's gotta start stealing memes. Do you think Elon's gonna give her a crash course in h

ow to be an epic poster? "If you ever go on Bill Maher, - here's how to crush it." - Yeah. "Here's my coat." [JACOB] It's part of the brand book now. Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, it's the house style. - It's onboarding. Yeah, "Here's how you properly crop a meme to exclude the person you're stealing it from." Yeah. (as Elon) "240p is the most that really any meme should be." (robotic powering down) - "Lower quality means better." - "Your emerald mine." The other week, we talked about the IShowSpeed an

d Kai Cenat music video, the "Who Let the Dogs Out." We talked about it on, um, Sad Boyz: Nightz, our Patreon podcast, which, by the way, I wanna just say, I know we talk about our Patreon a fair amount. It's because we need people to know that it exists, and it's an important part of us being able to continue doing this show. But, uh, it's not meant to give you FOMO. At the end of the day, it's entertainment. You're not missing anything other than more content. But anyway, free show comes out e

very week. And, uh, but we happened to talk about the – And we just couldn't, 'cause of YouTube copyright thing, and the fact that IShowSpeed has been, like, using that company that improperly copyright claims people. It's the new thing. Yeah, too much risk. But Kai and Speed made a music video, and I think they're working a lot together recently, because there's talk... Are you up to speed about the, like, stream... stream wars? Of the streaming platforms? Uh, up to speed in...? - Is there rece

nt-recent-recent? - There's a real recent development. Yeah, it seems pretty big. But we'll see. - So, you know there's Kick. - Mmhmm. And they paid Adin Ross a lot of money to, like, kind of shepherd their thing. And they're financed by, um, the crypto gambling website, Stake. Um, like, I think it's co-owned by the Stake people. And then there's Rumble, - [JORDAN] Yup. - which is – Sneako's on there. That's all I know. I don't know their vibe other than that. It's the – I mean, it's the... fake

numbers alternative that all of the, uh, people that are too psychopathic - to be allowed on even Kick, - Right. 'cause it's like Adin Ross, except they, like, did kill someone. 'Cause I know Sneako's on there, and then like Adin and Sneako have been streaming a lot lately, according to – I do get some of these YouTube Shorts, of Sneako and Adin talking. - [JORDAN] Oh, Jesus. - Yeah, it's awesome. Well, that's where, uh – Steven Crowder went to Rumble once he got booted, - Ohhh. - Which is – an

d the numbers are fake. They're completely fake. The other part of the discourse is people are saying, "Why doesn't Kai have a Twitch deal?" - He's the biggest creator on the platform. - Right. All these creators are getting paid a bag. You know, Ludwig got paid a ton of money to, you know, go over to YouTube exclusively from Twitch, and Twitch isn't footing money for their creators to stay on their platform. But by virtue of not having a deal, there's also no exclusivity in the new partner agre

ement. So, um, theoretically – And also, Speed is a YouTube streamer, I should say, and Kai is on Twitch. Kai and Speed have a show that's gonna be streamed that is on Rumble exclusively. What the fuck? And, like, there was a thing that Adin said. Adin said that Kick offered them $40 million and they turned it down to go to Rumble. That's what Adin said. God, what a frustrating source. [JARVIS] Yeah. Literally. Damn it. If that's true, it's interesting, and I hope – ah, man. I don't think Adin R

oss knows what order numbers go in. - Yeah. - He could mean like two. - Um... - He's the Equalizer. Yeah, so they're gonna stream on their own platforms, but then they're also gonna do an exclusive show on Rumble. I've been thinking, since you banned, let's start our own show. Nah, man, I'm getting out. - Professional football player. - (scoffs) Professional footballer? Man United. - What the hell is going on? - What the fuck? This is like, uh, DeepDream. Yeah, like... What? Bro, ain't nobody go

nna watch this. Yeah, you right. (Inaudible) anyway, bro. - Bro, you from Ohio! - And bitch, you from the Bronx! Bro! WHAT THE FUCK?! Well, that's just like exactly what a nightmare feels like. You know what I mean? It's like the pieces make sense while you're watching it, and then you wake up and you're like, "That was just bad." You just feel awful. "It was a tiger, I think? It was my dad?" It's like... looked so expensive to produce that trailer. How much do you wanna bet - none of that is in

the show? - Oh – You know if you watch like an anime OP, it's all animated only for the OP, it's not clips from the show? I just can't imagine how that would be live, - any of those clips. You know? - Yeah. I mean, are they trying to do like a Wildboyz/Jackass thing? Maybe. But live? At that – I mean, it's just not gonna be that production level. - Yeah. - Or maybe they prefilm it, - and then put it live. - Yeah. Like it's a YouTube Premiere. I – that... Look. I don't like that this is my opini

on, 'cause it feels like such an old-man take. They're so fucking loud. - Oh no! You're doing it! - They're just so - You're doing the thing! - fucking loud all the time, dude. It's tiring. How do people watch it? It's like, uh, sour gummies. Like, when you're a kid, you can handle it, like the stimulation, but now I'm like, "Can you just chill, dude?" - Yeah. - Like... I really – I'd finally, like, got into Demon Slayer. It's a really good show. I enjoyed it. Burned through it. But there are pa

rts where I paused it or jumped forward, 'cause there's just so much screaming, like, in between, and not like shounen fight screaming. It's comedy bits. - Right. - And it's not an unfunny show, but every now and then the punchline will just be like, (screaming) - Oh, yeah. - I can't. What the – how do people...? It's, like, giving me more tinnitus. It's so much. It's like stage voice, but you have to be screaming - while you're on stage. - Yeah. It doesn't work in any other setting. Like, it's

just streaming. It doesn't feel like it works with, like, acting, - [JORDAN] Yes. - because it's funny to be like, "YOU'RE FROM OHIO!" You know what I mean? But, I mean, you know... I also have to acknowledge that, like, there's a trope of Black boys being, you know, kinda criticized for this where other people wouldn't. But I think Jake Paul was this, - and (inaudible)... - Yeah, I mean... - (as Jake Paul) "HUH?!" - By some, but yeah, my, uh... If someone's a shitty driver, I'm not going to rac

e. I'm just like, "Wow, you crashed into a baby. That was just bad driving." No, for sure. Um, yeah, this is gonna be interesting. You know what? I'm excited that I have no idea what it is. - Yeah. - I'm so curious. I'm curious to see what it is. - Can I speculate a little bit? - Please. I think maybe they didn't know what it was. - Yeah. - Like, we know, uh, not a friend of ours, but we – I don't know if you've also heard this anecdote. Someone we know was, uh, planning a live show, - prepping

for a live show. - Oh, I do know. - A tour, matter of fact. - Uh-huh. And planned nothing, and was bragging about having planned nothing. 'Cause they don't have to. - Yeah. - They're just famous, so it's like, - "It's just free money," or whatever. - Yeah. Which is, in my opinion, extremely unethical, - to get people to buy tickets for a thing. - Yeah. But they don't strike me as sit-down-and-plan-ers. They don't live in the same place. - Like, I think it's worth noting that... - Where does Spee

d live? Ohio. Didn't you watch the video? Oh, I thought it was Kai that lived in Ohio. - Kai is from the Bronx. - Huh. I guess, yeah, maybe they met up directly in the middle. - Yeah. - Where do they have tigers? I don't know. Like, this just doesn't... It just doesn't make sense. Yeah. Oh, the more obvious example of Rumble is Andrew Tate. - That's Andrew Tate's platform. - Oh, I didn't know he was on there. - OK. - It's where they all go. Sneako, Leafy. I wonder – yeah, this is – 'cause I feel

like – - Doesn't Kick have better PR than Rumble? - Mmhmm. So that's interesting. I think Rumble maybe is making a play, because Rumble predates Kick - Yeah. - but has no relevance to, like, anybody - but the smaller Andrew Tate fans. - Mm. I see. They don't have anybody with even a tenth of that kind of (inaudible). Not 'cause, like, Steven Crowder isn't popular, but his audience is dumb, and they're not gonna follow you to a platform or... The only reason people like that watch anything is 'c

ause it's easy. They want everything in their life to be easy. So, like... I think this could actually work, 'cause they're doing something different. Like, go to Rumble to watch a thing you've never seen these two guys do, and it's together. Yeah, exactly. So, I think it'll be interesting. I mean, I'll... No, I'm not gonna go on Rumble, but, uh... No, I'll wait for takes to show up. - Yeah, I'll watch a summary. - Yeah. With the volume really low. Very strong compressor. I've been wanting to wa

tch the TikToks from this girl who keeps coming up on my... I was gonna say my For You page, but really just Twitter feed. But I don't know if it's gonna be good or bad, but it's in the genre of those, like, sci-fi POV, like, creative writing-type... It's always like YA-style novels. - Yeah. - With Hunger Games anime rules, - or something. - Right, where, uh, it's like, "POV: You just got expelled from your combat boarding school." - Yeah. - Um, "for wearing pink, and you just wanna show off to

the boys." "A universe where love feels bad and hate feels good." Yeah. "Why won't you let me back in? You know I'm the top of my class!" They are weird, 'cause they're like, uh – There's a reason they aren't actual books, and it's 'cause the premise is, like, not... - couldn't support... - It's a little bit absurd. So, this girl has been conquering the internet, and I'm... - I wanna see what it's all about. - Is she especially popular? Yeah, I think she is. "POV..." Her name is... Brianna Gaud-

ry? Gud-ry? - How would you say this? - Um... Brian Na Gweed-ry. Yeah, Brian Na-gui-dry. - Gui-dry. Can we use that word? - Yeah, uh... - Is that, uh, for Italians only? - Yeah. Uh, she has 3 million on TikTok, so that's sick. Shoutout. OK. "POV: Every time you fall in love, you lose ten years off your life." Oh my god. You're dead. That's more than three, first of all. - Don't – - Was she gonna live 100 years? She was. She was about to live to be 106. Yeah, to the audio listeners, it is a, uh –

it says she's six years old, - Right. - which is why she's doing one of the creepiest voices I've ever heard. - She's got pigtails, like a six-year-old. - Yeah, gotta have those. And she's chatting to her mum, who I guess has not mentioned the rules. Yeah, her – Yeah, her mom let her... I feel like these are always in a wizard school, and she hasn't got her wizard powers yet or something. - Like, "Oh, shit, by the way..." - "Oh, don't say that; you're gonna..." What kind of mother lets you cut

30 years off your life? Walks you into that line of questioning. Like, what was the first thing she said? "Great, I'm in love." "Stop." Don't say "Uh-oh, with who!" You... - Wait, are you crazy? - Mom! - You walked her into that! - She didn't even lose it until she said it out loud. - Yeah. - She was still at a nifty 100. When she said, "I'm in love," don't say "Uh-oh, with who." Say "STOP. Don't tell me a single thing about these guys!" "Do not feel that way, ever." Yeah. Until you're ready to

do it just once, - and maybe you can sacrifice ten years. - Don't mess it up. Yeah, it's weird, right? 'Cause these are always, uh – I mean, the whole thing with YA novels is usually the high concept of them is usually something that resonates with teenagers because it's like a super dramatic version of a feeling they have, 'cause they don't have a lot of life experience, - but they have the feeling, right? - Right. So, "Whoa, a..." Dys, dys... What the fuck? There's a – Divergent. Divergent is

just the high-school cafeteria. Like, "Here's the nerds. They sit over here. And here's the gamers, and then here's the jocks," or whatever, - and it's just that, but it's a world. - Yeah. The Maze Runner is, I don't know, like the SATs or some shit. It's always that. But this is, what? Like, love is...? 'Cause I didn't think she'd start at six, - Yeah. - and I didn't think it'd be ten years. Yeah. Is she gonna learn about, like, the issues... Like... So, she just got explained... After she lost

30 years of her life, her mom explained the rules to her. Yeah, good job she was gonna live to 100, by the way. - Not forty. - Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like, imagine. - Like, "Ope, you're gone." - "Whoops!" "Stop." "No." It's just so crazy. OK, age 16. No, what are you doing? Wait a second. - The math doesn't add up. - Oh, yeah. - Wait. - 'Cause when she was six, she had 70 years left. - Now that she's 16... - OK, when she was 6, she had - 100 years left. - Well, she had 100. - And then her mum...

- Her mom let her say three boys. So then she went down to 70 years, which means she would live to 76. She didn't just let her say it. She was like, "Go ahead." - "Go ahead. Say a few boys." - "Oh, my bad." And then we fast-forwarded 10 years, - and she still has 70 years left. - Yeah, maybe every time you hate someone you get ten years back or something. That's the best sound effect. Wait, she's physically looking at the number. - Yeah, she can see it. - All right. When you fall in love... Fall

ing in love is looking at a picture of Jason Elordi's abs. - Losing 10 years to each ab. - And it's worth it. - Oh, let me tell you. - It's worth it, let me tell you. - She doesn't even love him. It's fake. - I do love how she said, - "Wowww." - "Wow." (Windows error sound) - (Windows error sound) - The decade. - OK. - Wait. So, this is not years left. This is the age you'll live to? Oh, yeah, 'cause it says "years left." - Yeah. - So I guess – I guess same difference, kinda. I guess. I'm just g

onna say the rules are not clear. The, uh – this book sucks. Also, I get that this is satire or whatever – or maybe it's not. I don't know. But, like... really? Six-packs are what you need to fall in love with somebody? It feels a little bit, uh, a teensy-weensy little bit like watching 123 GO. - Oh, it does feel like 123 GO. - It's not just... "OK, how much is the series? How much is it weird?" The part that's, like, blowing me away is, "How does the human brain come up with this?" It's just am

azing. Like, I don't have the grey matter - to be able to put this together. - Right. It's impressive because of how it's... It's like Tears of the Kingdom. Like, "How did you make this?" - They optimized it so well. - "How did you do...?" "Like, truly, it feels impossible that you did this on such a device as the Switch." How many does she have? - Gotta be hundreds. - 'Cause to have come up with - that many premises is kinda cool. - Yeah, I know. Who did she say that to? Yeah. They were just ha

ving a conversation. Was it her teacher or her mom? That was "best friend" that showed her the abs. And then she's still 16... Right. - OK. - Is she – did she go to class? Yeah, so now she's in class. Hello, everyone. Dude, imagine you're sat in math and you just hear (error noise). - (error noise) And she's like, "Oh, no! - "Oh my god." 10 more years!" They're like, "What are you looking at?" She's like, "There's a 50 right here." - "I'm gonna die at 50." - "I'm gonna die!" Like, "You're expell

ed. You're crazy." Oh, the British. What?! You have to fall into hate. - Oh. - What? - Oh, it's done. - Oh. OK. "POV: You get chosen to test out the new AI assistant, but it's not what you expected." "#story, #acting, #viral, #foryou, #scary." - Scary! Uh-oh! - Scawwy. Hello. Oh. - Oh, we're back on this. - I love that it's always... um, "Oh, you got one." Oh, yeah, that's the thing. It's like... It's like the young adult thing of, "Oh, you have the thing. - Not everybody has it." - The only one

with the thing. She just tries to walk away from the thing floating above her head. It's like, stuck to her fore – Well, OK, I thought it was gonna be like, "Wow, this is so convenient," and then, "Wait. How did you know my boyfriend's name if I never...?" I don't know. "It's scary because of how much access it has." - Right. - And this is just like, "It's following me around." - "I don't like it 'cause..." - "Leave me alone. I want some privacy." - "It's gonna fall on me." - Yeah. It's got a l

ittle 'tude now. - It sounds like the Button. - "HOW. MAY. I –" Yeah, it's like, uh... It's like Smart House. It is exactly like Smart House. "HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU, BEN?!" "Just trying to help, but fine." What?! That doesn't help. Bad assistant. For the audio listeners, the AI assistant killed Jake. - It just shot him with a laser. - It shot him with a laser. - "Pew!" - Holy shit. Shot him with a Star Wars bolt. In a million years, I would have never guessed that it just kills Jake. I thought it

was gonna be like... Is it 'cause...? She's like, "Now he'll never speak again." - Yeah. - Or is it just "You insulted me, - so I killed your boyfriend?" - Yeah, maybe both. "You killed him, you stupid robot." Ope, ten years. Wait, what? - Oooh. - Ooh, they swapped. They Freaky Fridayed. Now you're trapped in a computer. What if she kills her robot boyfriend? Yeah. She's like, "Now I can finally," uh, "Now I can finally go on a date with Jakebot." "Ten years of my life, from falling in love!" -

"No!" - "No! Not Jakebot!" - "Darn." - (robotically) "Not Jakebot. I loved him." - (beeping) - What if we started calling you Jakebot, Jacob? - How would you feel about that? - [JACOB] That'd be cool. [JACOB] And I could always just be a robot. Yeah, we just replace you with a robot. An advanced AI, scary. OK, so now we're on part two. Wait, so she's back? Now Brianna's a person again. I guess? She did it! I can't believe it's just shooting them with lasers. - "AI assistant." - AI assistant. Th

is could be mech. You can't – dude. Do not question a Gundam. - It will shoot you with – - This could be a ghost. Like, why is it an AI assistant? I love that she can shoot lasers but, like, can't use a more realistic-sounding voice. Pew! Yeah, that's right. - (robotically) "I am regular Brianna." - "I am your friend." "Hey, Brianna, why are you peaking so weird?" "DIE." This is awesome. Imagine this as a YA novel. - Oh my god. - It's just Brianna walking up to people and shooting them with a la

ser. Hold on. Why is that the question, and not "You just murdered Stephanie, my best friend"? Shit. Well, even when she killed her boyfriend, she had the energy of, like, "Ah, you keyed my car." - Yeah. "Ah, come on. You killed Jake!" - Just like, "Ah, come on, man." "I've gotta find another boyfriend; ten years of my life." "Grrr!" It's like, "Darn!" I fully thought she was about to kill him. I... Wait, unless there's a part three. I thought it was gonna be like, (deep voice) "I'm part of the

FBI for robots. FBAI." - "I'm gonna take you out." - The FBAI, that actually goes hard. And oh, what's that? It's now the number-one show on CBS. No, please! FBAI, starring Queen Latifah and The Rock. She's back! Young FBAI. What's the name of the genre? The unfortunate thing is I think it's POV. - Ah, damn. Or "story." - Yeah. - Yeah, POV story. - Oh, wait, there's another. Is that a different person - doing AI assistant? - Yeah. [JORDAN] Huh? - Ohhh. - Ohhh! - Wait, really? - Are they, like...

jacking her style? It's an adaptation to... Um, just dub in the right language. Just put in the – make it seem like me, Jordan, - knew what the language was. - I think it's German? It's one of them, innit? OK, well, but you didn't have to... It could be Dutch. - Um, it could be, I guess. - I guess. All right, this is "POV" – oops. "Whoa!" A jumpscare. - "I'm gonna be your shampoo." - I guess we should talk about... - Gotta catch up on Enoch sometime. - Yeah, we should. "POV: You were born with

a curse where if you speak, you die." "But... #story, #acting, #viral, #foryou." "But..." Yeah, 'cause "words spoken," seemingly, if this says "one," that's a problem." Wait, so this started at age six. They all start at age six. You know, when you start speaking at age six. She's just doing that thing where, for sleep quality reasons, - she puts tape over her mouth. - She's got Hostage Tape. - Yeah. - Hostage-brand tape. That's a scary name for that product. - Have you seen that on Instagram? -

Yes. - Hostage Tape. Terrifying. - Yeah, that's wild. Imagine, like, you don't... I'm trying to think of the circumstances, but, like... You walk in – like, I'm over – like, I'm sleeping in or something and you need to wake me up for the podcast. You come into my bedroom and I've just got Hostage Tape over my mouth. "I'm just using Hostage Tape and Sleepy Rope to tie myself up." Yeah, I'm tied up. - "Oh, I'm so drowsy." - Yeah. "I'm so tired. I've increased my sleep quality with Hostage Tape an

d, uh... and Tie-Up Rope." This seems like a kink. Yeah, dude. It's literally just like, "I have sleep apnea, so I'm taking myself to Guantanamo." - I love that – - Whoa. I love the YA, uh, slurs. It's gotta be bullying, but you can't say, like... - Yeah. It's "Mudblood," you know? - Yeah, which is so much worse than most names. "Mudblood" is a good slur. Like, I'll give credit where credit's due; JK Rowling came up with a good one. I mean, if there's one thing she can do. - These kids are 17. -

This is wild. These are very strange children. What? "Hey, I'm gonna trip you." - Damn. - "Tape-mouth" doesn't even – It's kinda cool. Yeah, "Tape-mouth" – it sounds like a band. - Yeah, "I'm in Tape-mouth." - "I'm in Tape-mouth." - Oh, actually, tapeworm, Tape-mouth... - "New album by Tape-mouth." There... They... - She knows twists, dude. - Yeah. Tape-mouth over here knows what she's doing. I never would have, in a million years... Once again, I've been bamboozled. It's a curse, by the way. I

like that, too, that there's no worldbuilding as to, like, why she's the only one - with a magic curse. - Yeah. 'Cause that's not a wizarding world, right? - Yeah. - Oh, shit, maybe it was. Also, giving somebody a heads-up before you bully them is funny to me. - "Hey, Tape-mouth, it's time to trip you." - "Let's go trip her." I guess she can't hear, in their minds. - Oh, yeah, that was very odd. - Because you can't hear... - [JARVIS] Oh, wait, there's a part two. - Oh, another. Is it a sequel?

We gotta get the sequel. - She's... - Where's it come from? Where does the money come from and where does it go? - Where's it going? - Are you getting it in cash? - It's in her mouth. - Is it being wired to an account? That's so strange. I love that. That's like a... "Eh, who cares? I don't know. Maze Runner." I'm trying to understand the logic by which, like... Like, why does she get $700,000 for saying "hey"? Yeah. Ten words gave her like $5,000. [JARVIS] Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

I would, I guess, only speak in long sentences - and slowly build, right? - Yeah. What if it's just coming out of the pockets of, like, the working class? - Yeah, right? - It's just destroying America. Imagine like a... A hustle podcast where a guy's explaining, "Like, what you gotta understand is you gotta say a lot of words so that you build your money over a slow clip, because if you just say one word and get $700,000 easy, you don't learn to build. You don't learn to grind." "You're buildin

g equity with sentences." They have cursors over their... They have the money counter above their head - on their, like, Twitch thing. - Oh, yeah. They're looking at it. It's like – all right. She's never once looked at her money, did she? - That's unlike her. - No. What's the total? - We're at like $1 million. - "You've changed." - Why can she see it? - Whoa. Wait, what? - Where did she get – ? - Wait, why did she see it? - [JARVIS] Yeah. - Just checking Wells Fargo real quick. I'm like, she ca

n see it probably 'cause she saw the "+..." She can see the words spoken. That's so much money so fast. Yeah. - That's millions of dollars. - True. Yeah. Did she like...? Do you think Chase would maybe call you - for security purposes? - They would definitely prevent - deposits from being made, dude. - "Hey, this is gonna sound insane..." - A pinky promise. That'll protect you. - Of course. Shit. You know, quick shoutout, I think it's cool she does do costuming. She changes outfits for different

days. Pigtails for six. No, this is a fascinating genre and this is genuinely entertaining. - Oh. - (deep voice) "We've located the girl." "FBI CIA, TBH." - "Bang-bang-bang." - Oh, man. - "Money division." - That's awesome. Shoutout to Brianna Guidry? Gaudry? I think it's neat, like... - Guy-dry? - It's like a very fun short-form creative writing thing. - Yeah, exactly. - It's not like – "my brain doesn't work like that; I couldn't think of that stuff." But it is like... I don't know. It's nice

to be able to burn through an idea like that without having to – 'Cause that's just not a novel. - Yeah. - It would be boring - to do it for that long. - Right. But it's fun to just hop and go, "What if a dog had a car?" - Yeah. - Like, "Bye!" - Um... - That one's so... She's so good at twists. - Truly? - In no world would I be like, - "You get money." - It feels like the things she says are not allowed. Like, you're not allowed - to go from this thing to this thing. - It's too smart. Yeah. Um,

well, I think that about wraps this episode of Sad Boyz up. But if you are so inclined, we will be continuing this episode with a full bonus episode on Patreon.com/SadBoyz. That's us. We're that one. - Yeah. Um... - He's Sad. I'm Boyz. Where we will talk about the Shane Dawson Steve-O podcast. We may watch a little bit of that. - [JORDAN] Oh boy. - Um, we've also got some, uh... We're gonna talk about people's crazy employment. - Oh, yeah, we got some... - Like, stories. - listener-submitted re

tail jobs. - Yeah, customer service, uh, horrors. Which should be devastating and maybe funny. Um, but until next week, unless you wanna join us for the Patreon, we end every episode of Sad Boyz with a particular phrase: - We love you. - And we're sorry. - Boom. - Boom! "At a deli I worked at, someone threw a pound of liverwurst at my head because they didn't like how it was sliced." (stammering) What do you mean?! - That's crazy. - How do you...?! (outro music)