Dear Bethesda, Hi! It’s me! Austin! Sick of me, yet? TOO BAD. I got topics for ages. Actually that’s not quite true. This is probably the second-to-last Fallout
one I have up my sleeve, but it’s a big one. It’s one that I get asked about all the
time. Not only in every video I make for you, but
in almost every video for other video game franchises. And since I’m trying this new thing where
I don’t burn the first four minute of my video jerking off to the sound of my own voice,
let’s just cut rig
ht to the meat: does your Forced Evolutionary Virus make any sense at
all? The Forced Evolutionary Virus. The darling bogeyman-slash-mcguffin-slash-deus-ex-machina
of the Fallout Franchise. Dating all the way back to the first Fallout
game, it’s impossible to play a game where you don’t at least have a casual interaction
with it. Here’s the lore lowdown: The Forced Evolutionary Virus was developed
sorta-kinda by mistake. The Pan-Immunity Virion Project, spearheaded
by West-Tek, was a project who
se goal was to create a blanket immunity response in the
event of a biological attack from China... CHINA and to help combat the rapidly-spreading New
Plague. These experiments never really succeeded in
their initial goal, but what they discovered in the process would forever shape the landscape
of the United States. During the animal testing phase of the PVP, there was...wait a minute. You know what. This sounds wrong coming from me. This is just some serious lore stuff. We should call in the e
xpert. Just a sec. While enacting the animal testing phase of their research for the Pan-Immunity Virion Project West-Tek discovered strange side effects in their test subjects. Animals grew in size exponentially becoming stronger, faster and smarter. Seeing the products potential as a war asset, the US military appropriated all research and samples pertaining to the Pan-Immunity Virion Project and renamed it the Forced Evolutionary Virus. Research operations were moved to Mariposa military base
where experiments were conducted on human prisoners of war. Experiments were never finalized however. Day's before the Great War broke out, Captain Roger Maxson, founder of the illustrious, noble and moral paragon of humanity known as the Brotherhood of Steel, mutinied when he discovered what the scientists were doing before the US could rally a response. Enriched uranium and plutonium atoms across the globe reached critical mass and let lose a reign of hellfire on a scale never before seen. An
d only rarely conceived of by the human race. While this spelled the end of the human race as we knew it the Forced Evolutionary Virus lived on. The full breadth and reach of its influence is currently unknown. Strains are known to exist both in the remains of Mariposa but also in the ruins of Vault 87 and even the Institute is known to have experimented on captured wastelanders. The Forced Evolutionary Virus is most infamous for the creation of the colossal super mutants. While its exact opposi
tion is unknown, we do know a great deal about its features. The FEV is a megavirus with a protein sheath reinforced with ionized hydrogen which shields it from the damaging effects of ionizing radiation. The virus is pre-programmed with introns of corrected DNA that binds with host cells and completely rewrites their DNA with portions of the virus' own pre-programmed routines and the host's natural abilities. In the best case scenario, what results is a faster, stronger and more intelligent ver
sion of what was originally infected. Many subjects though weren't very lucky and as a result died painful, horrific deaths from uncontrolled cancerous growths. Fuck. Wait... why did I just say that? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Dammit, this is what happens when you give creative control to Austin, isn't it? Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! Damn mother-fucking fuck. Tit balls, shit dicks. That's it. I'm never doing this again! Okay. So, here’s something I have to say before I inevitably tear the hell out of the
SCIENCE! of the Fallout franchise. The writers of the original Fallout games, Fallout 1 & 2, really, REALLY did an amazing job creating their universe. Every time I read their lore, whether it’s the wiki pages, in-game transcripts, or their game manuals, I’m astounded at the depth, detail, and consistency. They obviously take liberties like all great writers of fiction do, but the writers of the original games, when they were creating a core story element of their world, really devoted a level
of attention to detail that you don’t see very much in the modern gaming industry. Their nuclear weapon science, and as you’ll see, their virology, while sprinkled with enough magic to make their games work, is also laden with enough real-world Science and history that, when you look at it as closely as I have, really makes everything come alive. That being said, let’s tear this fucking game a new asshole. What the fuck does this even fucking mean? Well, in order to understand that, we’re going
to
have to look at viruses, how they work, and what they’re made out of. Let’s take some of these terms and break
them down. Viruses are the smallest, um, organisms. Or, sorta-organisms. It’s complicated. Smallest life forms? Things that do stuff? Well, one of the best terms right now is “obligate
intracellular parasite.” Whatever. They’re super fucking small. How small are they? Well, between 20-300 nanometers, on average,
which means the very largest viruses in existence are about the size of
the wavelengths of visible
light, although most are smaller. They’re so small that most can’t be seen
with a light microscope, which makes sense--how can you see something using radiation that’s
actually larger than the thing you’re trying to see? Viruses are composed of nucleic acid surrounded
by a shell of protein, called a capsid. The nucleic acid make up is unique to viruses
in that they contain either a single strand of DNA, or a single strand of RNA, but NOT
both. RNA and DNA are the build
ing blocks of life--literally. Short for Deoxyribonucleic acid and Ribonucleic
acid, these nucleic acids are inside of every single human. DNA holds the building instructions for your
entire, well, YOU in its sequences. It’s responsible for keeping your body in
working order, and it’s what calls the shots when it comes to cell activity and cell identity. DNA in humans is characterised by being a
double-stranded helix, whereas RNA is a single strand. DNA and RNA work together to aid in cell divis
ion
and message transmission. But in viruses? Oh man. In viruses, they serve a much more sinister
purpose. But more on that in a bit. So a capsid surrounding nucleic acid, either
in the form of RNA or DNA. So what about these introns and exons? Well, first we’ll have to explain the relationship
between DNA and RNA. Don’t worry! Just the basics! When it’s time to do shit, which is, honestly,
ALL of the time, an enzyme will unzip that double helix of DNA, read the bits and bytes
of information, an
d makes a copy of this information in the form of RNA, which will, eventually,
be sent off to go do cool stuff like build proteins. BUT FIRST, before this RNA can be sent off,
our RNA copy of DNA isn’t actually done yet. Somewhat surprisingly, there’s a significant
amount of junk information stored in this RNA that needs to be removed before it can
be considered complete. The removal of this junk info is called “RNA
splicing.” Huge, complex bundles of proteins and RNA
called Spliceosomes separat
e the good pieces of RNA from the bad. The bad’ll be broken down into their component
parts and reused as building blocks for more DNA or RNA in the future, and the good parts’ll
be glued back together to be sent off into the rest of the cell in the form of completed RNA. These “good” parts are called exons, and
the “bad” are called introns. They’re called exons because they will eventually
leave, or EXIT the nucleus, whereas introns stay inside and are eventually reused. Alright, we’re getting
there. A virus is kind of a brilliant little automated
machine. You see, most organisms in the world, including
parasites, produce ATP, also known as the Universal Cell Energy Currency. We’ve talked about it on this show quite
a few times--basically, it’s a requirement for life and doing stuff. Viruses, though? They don’t produce ATP. And they don’t really do anything normal
cells do. Cells, including bacteria, eat food of some
kind, produce ATP, and live their lives fulfilling their purposes. T
hey also divide to produce more cells just
like them, so that when they eventually die, their legacy is secured. Viruses, the little ingenious bastards that
they are, have figured out how to use this very process of cell division against us--. They float up and invade our cells one way
or another, either by injecting their RNA or DNA into a host, or actually convincing
the host to open its doors to let the entire virus inside--which isn’t that big of a
problem. Viruses are incredibly small, thou
sands of
times smaller than our own cells and just about every bacteria. And here’s the brilliant part: viruses hijack
our cells and our DNA and use the available ATP reserves to create more viruses. Virus RNA and DNA binds with our DNA and RNA
and makes copies of itself, creating more and more and more viruses, until the resources
of that cell are exhausted. The cell bursts, and hundreds or even thousands
of newly-created viruses spill forth, looking for other nearby cells to invade and start
t
he process all over again. Blegh. So, according to the writers of Fallout, what,
exactly, does our Forced Evolutionary Virus look like? Let’s start simple. A protein shell. We got that. In fact, it’s specifically stated that it
has a sheath, which indicates a very, very specific type of invasive structure. Sheathes are characteristics of viruses that
aggressively impact the cell walls of hosts and inject their genetic information to freely
float inside, like a syringe. This protein exterior is p
urportedly reinforced
with ionized hydrogen. Why? Well, viruses, like all cellular thingies,
are susceptible to damage from ionizing radiation. Unlike human and animal cells, though, they
don’t have a way to repair damage from radiation. They’re just toast. So the only way to protect themselves from
radiation is, well, shielding. Hydrogen is the lightest element in existence,
so it’s a natural candidate for extra materials. A normal hydrogen atom is one single proton
surrounded by an electron. I
onized hydrogen, however, is just a single
proton, unburdened by the presence of electrons. The idea here is that these single, lone protons
would be able to absorb incoming neutrons, which actually is a prominent form of radiation
released by nuclear fission and fusion. Whether or not this would actually work, I
have no idea. But it’s a neat idea. So these are incredibly resilient viruses. Now, remember, the Forced Evolutionary Virus
is about editing host cell DNA, not just turning the host int
o a virus factory until the cell
inevitably expires forever. It’s not creating a wake of destruction,
it’s rewriting history. So, according to the writers, the forced evolutionary
virus, when it encounters a cell, latches onto it, and injects what is very likely to
be RNA, the messenger molecule. This RNA is encoded with very specific genetic
changes, and is ultimately the key to how the FEV rewrites the hosts’ genetic code. But this is also where the description of
how the FEV works starts to g
et a little messy. You see, the writers suggest that, somehow,
this virus sends something inside of the cell, reads the DNA, and makes a copy. This copy then, in the form of an exon, leaves
the cell and re-enters the virus. The virus then takes this genetic code, replaces
it with the pre programmed introns that are inside of it, and sends it back in. This DNA is then replicated using the same
processes as before. The problem is that viruses don’t have the
ability to directly edit DNA within thei
r own structures. Lacking this ability, in fact, is what specifically
makes viruses viruses. They don’t have room or the capacity for
these complex processes. Even megaviruses, which the FEV is classified
as, aren’t equipped for this sort of behavior. But that doesn’t leave us dead in the water. The influenza virus, for example, is capable
of completely hijacking host cells spliceosomes, and using them to replicate their RNA. Pretty badass, huh? But replicating their own RNA and sending
them off
as new viruses is a far, far cry from rewriting the entire genetic makeup of
a human being. Thankfully, that’s all in the realm of science
fiction. We, thankfully, are never going to be at risk
of being overwhelmed by Super Mutant armies. So. Cool. The end. Wait, why isn’t the outro starting? Is there something that needs to be.. Oh FUCK. I...DAMN IT. FUCK DAMN FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT CRISPR. FUCK. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sigh. Yes. It’s true. The FEV can’t work exactly how the writers
said it
was. Exons and introns can’t just be used willy-nilly
to photocopy and photoshop DNA. It just doesn’t work that way. Viruses work in a very, very specific way
in that they hijack a host to replicate themselves. Some can infiltrate host DNA, but still, it’s
all for the goal of self-replication. Viruses are, of coursed, used in gene therapy
to deliver new DNA, but it has to be programmed entirely from the ground up, there’s no
editing and replacing specific little zones. At least not easily. But
then, of course, SCIENCE discovered the
most beautiful, powerful, and terrifying tool since they first learned how to split atoms:
CRISPR. Short for “clustered regularly interspaced
short palindromic repeats,” CRISPR was originally discovered not in viruses, but in bacteria. E. Coli bacteria, point of fact. Microbiologists discovered, relatively recently,
in fact, snippets of what appeared to be virus DNA in the genome structures of bacteria. How did it get there? Well, when a bacteria is attack
ed by a virus
it’s never encountered before, and it manages to successfully fight it off using inefficient
enzymes, the bacteria slices the genetic code of the virus remnants apart and slips them
into its own genetic information. Basically, it’s a mugshot of that type of
virus. That way, if the virus shows up again, the
bacteria sends out proteins armed with these DNA/RNA mugshots, and if they find anything
matching that mugshot? It gets fucking DUNKED ON. And this? This is the power of CRISPR.
Modern day SCIENTISTS have figured out how
to use this process to their advantage by replacing these viral mugshots with...well,
anything. Any length, any complexity of DNA. These proteins will hunt down and destroy
anything that carries the genetic code that you give it. Wanna get rid of the blue eyes gene and replace
it with brown? Just give this protein the right genetic sequence,
inject it into your subject, and BOOM, these CRISPR Assassins will find that sequence in
the genome and fucking d
estroy it. Now, we’ve had the ability to do genome
editing for...well, years. Decades, actually. But there are a few things that set CRISPR
apart from allllll previous methods of gene therapy. For one thing, CRISPR is far, far, FAR more
precise than previous methods, and is about 1/1000th the price. CRISPR sequences are everywhere, and incredibly
easy to get ahold of. But apart from being just precise, in the
past, genetic adjustment processes were severely limited by species. Each species of an
imal required different
techniques. But CRISPR? CRISPR works in humans, it works in dogs,
it works in cats, it works in plants, it works in mushrooms, it works on presidential candidates and it works in bacteria. It works everywhere. And you can change anything. And THIS is the terrifying truth about the
Forced Evolutionary Virus: we have never, ever been closer in all of history to having
a real life FEV. You see, the FEV is described as a MEGAVIRUS,
which is a particularly large family of viru
ses that has astronomically large genetic strands. Furthermore, the way they operate isn’t
typical of most viruses. Instead of infecting a host cell and destroying
it to create its offspring, megaviruses commander the entire cell and turn it into a viral factory. It allows the cell to continue to operate
mostly-as-normal, producing ATP, regenerating DNA and RNA, et-cetera, but it sticks around
for the lifespan of the cell and produces more of its kind. If you were to wrap a megavirus in messenge
r
RNA that turned cells into, say, CRISPR Protein production facilities, you could, essentially,
force genetic mutation on whoever you wanted. A person or animal’s very own cells would
become factories for their own mutagenic process, creating an army of viruses and CRISPR proteins
that eliminate unwanted genetics and replicate them with the ones that make you stronger,
faster, and smarter. And this is all stuff that could happen in
our real world, with technology we know exists now. Right now,
there are scientists in China working
on modifying embryos using CRISPR. This isn’t science fiction anymore, this
is real life. This could, conceivably, be the next generation
of biological warfare FUCK I THOUGHT FEV WAS GOING TO BE COMPLETE BULLSHIT. I mean, sure, it would NEVER fucking work
the exact way that the writers of Fallout said it would, but the fact that something
even REMOTELY like it that can do the exact same thing ACTUALLY COULD EXIST IS GOD. DAMN. FUCKING. TERRIFYING. AND I AM N
OT OKAY WITH IT. Sincerely,
Austin P.S. I’m a handsome man. You know it. I know it. My teeth are crooked, but I’m avoiding getting
braces because I’m trying to keep a level playing field with the rest of humanity. If I’m too perfect, the world economy could
collapse because every red-blooded human would drop what they’re doing to oogle me whenever
I left the apartment. Okay, maybe that’s not quite true. In either case, sometimes, even handsome,
hygiene-centric men like myself get so busy that th
ey forget to shave, and they stop resembling
an actual human being and start to resemble a Malaysian bearded pig. BUT that doesn’t mean you have to bust out
your carbon steel cleaver to hack away at the--PLEASE DON’T DO THAT. Instead, you can sign up for Dollar Shave
Club. Dollar Shave Club loves to bring you amazing
razors to your door every month for a third of the price of what you’ll get in the store. And if you use dollarshaveclub.com/shoddy,
you get your first month’s razors FREE. All you
gotta pay is shipping. And after that, it’s just a few bucks a
month for amazing razors. You can finally be kissable again! Remember, dollarshaveclub.com/shoddy gets
you your first month FREE. Huzzah! ALSO! Today is the third and final Presidential
Election before we Americans elect our next dictator, so my stream today is going to be
a bit different. I’m going to start streaming at 9 PM EST,
or 8 PM my time, and we’re gonna be playing AMERICA and politics-themed games, as well
as partaking in s
ome fun, bipartisan debate drinking games. So if you ever wanted to see me get drunk
on camera, now’s the time. You ready? I’m ready.
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