Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast w/ Courtney Miller | Smosh Mouth 35

welcome back to Smashmouth I'm Shane and I am Amanda and we have a very special guest today Courtney Miller howdy ho that's right and we are going to do another round of try not to laugh I'm so excited and we have things planned and also things not planned yeah uh Angela doesn't know that we're doing this uh you know she she had two attempts she had two attempts she could not win I'm so nervous i' I've watched both I am a I am a pretty active listener of the smos mouth podcast but yeah I did I h

ave watched both try not to laughs and damn you guys you laugh a lot we and Shane wins every time which shocks me because he laughs at his own fart so that's what gets me I I love that I laughed at my own fart and that that fart I had already played on smashcast before and I'd forgotten and it was the fact you like not going to laugh at this and you play it and you laugh the hardest I think I've ever seen you laugh yep no I I'm not going to laugh at this do wait just you just you just had toart

wait that's real really wait that's real guys I can't believe I did that that's probably the hardest I've never seen him like this it's probably the hardest dude do you know how hard I laughed when I'm going through recordings I go what is this and I sent a message to my S four years later and I farted yeah that it it got me you know it's it's just so stupid it's so stupid my dream I've said this before my dream for our on regular try not to laugh on smos pit is to fart like like on camera just

if I had a real fart a real fart you know if you the timing the timing was but it was so it was weak it was really weak yeah it was one time on trying not to laugh like one of the old ones like back at defi I think Noah was in the hot seat I believe and I was like Shane time to go do something funny do something funny Shane and he was like all right and then just it was really weak it was not good it not subtit subtitles were required I want to go out and I want to like rip one blow one up I wan

t to blow I'm nous how risky that game is could no I I I want to assess the situation you could hall pass it you know that scene from Hall Pass no you don't want to know then that's a crazy scene she's like I don't feel well and then she sneezes and shoot [ __ ] all behind her and she's like God I feel so much better the guy's like luckily she's sitting on the edge of a bathtub so it's just the backsplash of a shower water down that's very graphic good morning everyone but anyways that's my drea

m but so so that's your dream okay the only way I've ever had a fart on try not to laugh is that I recorded it then I forgot it did make me laugh a lot it just so stupid and it when I like cuz I didn't have it listed as fart in my voice recordings it was just voice memo number blah blah blah new recording 35 or whatever and so when it just played I was like what the I have I have so many recordings in my voice memo app that I have not listened to for years so I I might just like go through them

today let's just see all right that's real risky yeah me too okay well mine are your are like five minutes of you rambling as a character exactly well I I shortened them I can see they're you have them out already no I'll get mine ready you guys are prepped I don't have anything on the table I don't have anything on the table Yeah but that doesn't mean that you don't have stuff you don't know that that's true you don't know that okay okay are we about to begin this I want to know one thing what

is the thing that makes you laugh the most we know it's farts for Shane farts farts his own voice okay other things his own farts his own voice everything he does for what what what this is ironic for me to say cuz I think I'm really bad at a lot of times but when other people just commit really hard to something that makes me laugh you do commit I've seen you commit I commit but when like I break so easily but when people are just fully committed to something so insane that always gets me if pe

ople are locked in I know they're so deep in the character that they're like really crushes this isn't funny this is just me yeah okay let's just start okay but can I say what that makes me me laugh yes okay what makes you laugh little silly things I like silly noises you like silly noises I like when someone I don't know that well makes a noise I've never heard before from them like never come out of them before I like like that's what's great about new cast members is like I haven't heard you

make many noises yet yeah yeah you like physical stuff I like physical stuff uh a tension so like even when if you aren't talking I love to laugh here's the thing so this is going to be really hard but uh I'm going to I think I'm going to win this for Angela oh you're going to win her honor oh yeah this is for Angela guys there's $60 on the table a $60 gift card gift card okay yeah cuz it started off at 20 bucks then it got bumped up to 40 this is now it's at $60 cuz I keep winning yeah Angela h

as no chance at winning it right now $60 to T if are you saying that if you win it you're going to give her the gift card yeah wow you don't have to for Angela Champion I hesitated and I didn't feel confident about that answer you don't have to do that okay well uh Selena will be keeping score okay so don't slip up I like did a crazy Core workout yesterday and so my like lower stomach is like really sore and so laughing hurts so hopefully that will help me you're going to win cuz I don't win eve

r cuz I forget I'll like be having so much fun and then I just forget yeah and then I giggle all right all right all right Shall We Begin we shall begin try not to laugh the podcast round three begins now mhm good morning okay um all right but it's still a normal podcast so let's not act weird here yeah let's not act weird normal uh Amanda you were talk about how you have a bunch of stories you want to tell today uh you said the same I do I have a story um I was just in San Francisco this weeken

d and we stayed at an inn like one of those you know the Painted Ladies in San Francisco those houses in Full House in the beginning right did you ever watch Full House watch so much I watch was around so much Full House I watch it now okay great well Full House is the best I saw the Full House house don't I saw the Full House house and the Painted Ladies okay Painted Ladies what's the Painted Ladies it's in the beginning where they're singing the opening song and you see all those houses oh it'

s houses and they're just called ladies they're called The Painted Ladies I've seen oh yeah yeah yeah the pretty color houses they're really cool so we were in a house kind of like that the in is from the 1800s probably um and the guy who owns it was so sweet hilarious but he walked like like I I felt like a year went by when he passed me like he was just so slow so nice and we were a comedy troop and the first thing he says to me and the other girl in my group was like I heard about you guys hu

h I heard about you guys you guys are trouble you guys are going to be trouble trouble it gets so so we're in like this Courtyard with all these beautiful Greenery and he goes well I just wanted to say thanks for sleeping with me okay and I go what and he goes I heard that at an inkeeper conference no thanks for sleeping with me because essentially you're all sleeping with me wow give me a break don't laugh what did this guy look like old old he was old he had like a box shaped top with like sma

ller legs like I don't know I feel like his legs are going to crack under the pressure he was Roblox a little bit he had like a hat his face was just weathered storms weathered so many storms and he and he was just white and he just looked like an old turtle with like a lot of barnacles all over him okay that that actually somehow is the most defining detail there is a rat slowly beining it for us right now it's daytime like this is San Francisco the rat stands up and goes thanks for sleep yeah

thanks for sleeping with me I heard that at a rat conference I own the rat in right here no so anyways as I think that he's about to leave he turns back and goes another thing and the rat's like the rat stops to listen the rat stops dead it tracks like he goes no this is real he goes Zen after 10 all right Zen after 10 and then he slowly walks away and the rack goes and then it slowly turns away and just starts no it crawling away with this long tail I'm dead serious this really happened this wh

ole thing happened so the whole time we were like well we're sleeping with one dude this whole weekend and he owns the Inn I God the the the whole old per what nothing I was not laughing was that a little sneeze no it was a breath I probably laughed like three times in my own story no you you've held it together enough yeah because I told it 17 times already I just the the whole like you two look like trouble is such an old guy thing to say I exp you know where I experience like old guys like th

at just show up sometimes you know how they just appear like a spirit yeah where you're like I think you might have died a 100 years ago but when we were when I was on Goldberg's we whenever we filmed on location you would know that an old guy would just show up on the on the outskirts of the production and he'd just be there and he'd just be like so you guys uh filming something here and then they'd go into some story about something that happened to them in the 70s they're like you know I used

to work I used to work with Rock Hudson back in the day like well done we're filming um so quiet on set and they're like quiet on set yeah you know what I feel about those stories [Music] oh my God okay that is horrendous that's a that's someone snoring that is hor that was pretty good that's someone snoring that's someone snoring yeah who that it's a guy who just a guy that's I can do a pretty good impression of it okay do it whoa sorry that was too loud Scott he's standing up I'm across the r

oom oh yeah oh I got myself okay you got me and you got you do you snore I think so I think I snore pretty bad actually so you know how you you know you know when you wake up and you're like wow I was really I was really blasting off last night cuz I'm not a monster I don't snore like that okay got yourself with that one what do you snore like are you are you a honk chew or a honk no none I'm like this you're an open mouth sleeper oh yeah I sleep wide open worse I go stop got you got Courtney sl

eep like like the beginning of a horror movie like the like the a cold breeze yeah and I and I sleep talk you guys want to hear how I sleep you guys want to hear how I sleep got Amanda I got myself that's awful yeah just how I Amanda just like this don't go in there bananas and peppers five at this is how I snore Jo Jo Jo I know who this is Jo bid is this that guy that you guys love what is this what where are you pulling this [ __ ] from is this that guy that you guys love Mr Bean or something

no no you're thinking of you're thinking of Mr Bean somebody else she brought a soundboard with her guys no I'm thinking of that guy that you guys love on Tik Tok that you love and don't you like him too oh Mr pork Oh uh yeah um Mar Marcus pork I don't think that was Marcus there's Marcus pork Senor there's now Marcus pork Jr who's this super buff guy I'm not yeah SK oh oh that was Marcus pork Jor yeah there's Marcus pork Jr now and he's ripped I thought at first I thought it was Marcus pork had

a bunch of work done I thought it was a guy I thought Marcus enter his thir strap era have you oh uh this is going to be outdated by the time this podcast releases but Amanda on Tik Tok have you seen uh Pooky have you come across Pooky at all Pooky Tik Tok what you saying there's this like wealthy couple they're probably in their 30s Pooky Pooky so it's this guy it's this guy in this so it's a hot hot woman and her partner who he he's a Charming looking guy but they're always dressed in like re

ally fancy clothes and they they in their outfits they they turn on the camera they step back and they're like they're like uh Pooky is looking absolutely fire tonight Pooky what are you wearing tonight and she's like I'm wearing a Chanel jacket Gucci shoes he's like I'm wearing an Hermes belt I'm wearing a Ralph Lauren jacket is this real this is real and he's like and Pokey Pokey is looking absolutely fire tonight yeah they is Pooky his wife I think girlfriend or wife or fiance but I I'll tell

you what I'll give it give it to this guy I you you watch them and you at least I you feel this initial pull to just hate on them you just want you just want to hate on them but then you love them but but this guy this guy is thirsting after Pooky so hard yeah this is him you kind of can't you got to respect it this guy he'll be like Pooky is looking absolutely fire and then he'll turn and be she'll be talking about what she's wearing and he's just like yeah and then he says this oh and because

she's so hot whoa okay you finally down okay okay courney Courtney came in hot because she has a full soundboard and amazing I customized it this feels like an old radio show I'm really glad you know Courtney Courtney's bringing that humor of an 11-year-old in 2010 and got to really respect wait a second no people on radio stations still use that word it's like it's Jerry Bean in the morning yep that's what they do oh you're going to lose so hard I cuz now I'm thinking about them I growing up m

y parents were always like we just had the radio cuz it was the '90s but that [ __ ] I hated even as a kid I was so annoyed by it just you'd get in the car you're going to school it's it's 8:00 a.m. you're tired you hate everything you're you're seven and you just hear like it's Jerry in the morning whoa yeah that's right my Mom hated sounds she hated when there's like a baby crying and a song so she would get so worked up and angry if that was on she's like you need to turn it off I don't want

to hear sirens or a baby sounds I do freak out when when songs nowadays put gunshots or ambulance sounds in them I'm like huh cuz in this city I think that should be illegal to play like an Eminem concert where he blasted like gun sound effects and it was actually it terrified the crowd it was like sorry that was really serious no but like I I I when I'm when I'm driving and there's an ad or something that has a siren I I I start to like stop my car or what about remember yeah what is that that'

s an Aaliyah song what are you rip what what the hell what the hell what the hell was that what I sometimes I feel like I was born in another Century than you guys okay I know who aah is that old I know but it's just that sound was a lot stop it that's like different stop it different sound it's not making me laugh it's making me scared Pooky Pooky is looking absolutely fire that's making you scared it's it's weird it's well it made my mom scared too you know what those noises did to my brain oh

[Music] God damn I've heard that sounds he's going to win I have some I have a pitch for you guys okay let's hear it okay no I need you to read it and you both have heard of this [ __ ] it's one paper I'm going to give it to's coming in hot and I love it she's prepared no you're allowed to do there's no rules besides don't laugh there there's one rule don't laugh there's a single little tiny fly I see it flying around here let us know in the comments if you see the little fly here's his theme s

ong Here's the fly theme song no I think I've laughed the most and I need to watch are we going to get copyright struck by Wy the coyote don't stress her out before her pitch me that almost made me go time to read my pitch okay but first whoa so my birthday is this year and you don't say wait my birthday that's the craziest [ __ ] birthday is this year my birthday that's so crazy is this year so we're all we're all Capricorns Shane is your birthday this year it you know wait you're a Capricorn i

t is no I was joking that we're all Capricorn what are you Virgo oh yeah what are you Gemini Aquarius Pluto's in my chart watch your back loser my birthday spooky this is a big day that's coming up and I have something that I really want to do and you both have a little bit heard about this what I want to do for my birthday um and so I would like Amanda to read this pitch um and please read it word for word please yes ma'am whole thing yeah you can read the whole thing the whole thing including

the title oh I know this pitch but I don't know all the details this is Courtney's pitch for her birthday and she's having a birthday this year so everyone watch out birthday is this year guys the wenching hour my pitch for my birthday at the strike of 400 p.m. everyone will gather holding small wooden bowls starving and begging for soup I will arrive wearing a big tattered Brown cloak holding a large pot or cauldron of soup and a big wooden old Ladle the type of big wooden Ladle that I could kn

ock someone out with bonus points if everyone else is in peasant cloaks too and I hobble in with the soup and I'm sneering and shrieking as I take spoonfuls of soup and serve it to each peasant everyone is moaning and whining because they are so starving for soup no no one is breaking character and there are no spoons you have to sip straight from your bowl because you're just so hungry and even after everyone has soup it's not enough and people keep begging please please wench please give us mo

re soup we need more soup the soup will be like a hot stew red in color with potatoes and carrots and onions and other things not too thick not not too thin it will look amazing in my Ladle that I could clobber someone with it if I wanted to but I won't when people aren't begging for soup you just hear little slurping sounds like kittens lapping up milk and me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what people do mm- and that's what I do now go back say the the whole thing

again and me groaning and heavy Brea and me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what I do thank you I keep hobbling around giving soup and sneering at people and making sure they behave end of pitch thank you that's that's my favorite Robert Frost poem I would like to have this on a live stream wait you told me this pitch in person and I was like that's the best thing best thing I've ever heard and now reading it I'm like it's so dark and amazing and no one's allowed to

watch they have to participate or they can't be in the room yeah no watching and they have to and they have to have soup and they have to love the soup and everybody has to be are you invited Shane I don't know if I'm invited to theing invited to the wenching hour yeah it's like for wenches yeah it's sounds like it's for no I am the only wench and everyone else is peasants and they're in my in and I'm the Wench and I'm serving you soup must and there's not enough soup there's but there there the

re might be enough soup for everyone to have two helpings but you have to make sure you beg and plead for more soup you're laughing that's because when you pitch it to me I can just picture the whole thing and having us be like soup soup so what's uh what's going on no you cannot break character just in between we're just like what the no you're not allowed are we getting cocktail soon I think this is it I think it's just I don't think there's drinks you do that during my wenching hour you will

be removed from my in it's a dry event let's be clear the wenching hour is a dry event no the only wet is the soup the only wet is the soup and the sweat on my upper lip and do you want to hear do you want to hear this the Wench how she sounds oh my God yes okay let's hear this yes Courtney's getting up right now cour has put her jacket over her head this to be like this you're going to hurt your voice for an hour do you know what I want I want her to do all the sound effects even when she's lad

ling I might if no one's delivering enough that would you know what would really mess with everyone is if there is no soup and you're just pretending their soup and everyone's like expecting it it's weird that you said that cuz I just watched hook remember that part oh yeah the imaginary F you are kind of you are kind of just Captain Hook in this situation no Captain Hook is way he has full language he's he's brilliant Dustin hoffen as Captain hooker as the Wench not nearly as good of a perform

well she doesn't have any words no Dustin hten has a lot of literature that he's saying she's going and also Dustin Hoffman ate garlic to to repulse the children when he was that's so messed up He did apparently that's a fact I'm not kidding that he would so that when he was like doing scenes with them they were like that's gross I know did you know what I heard what I said when they told me that that's what I said that's that's pretty good hey that's pretty good does silent laughs count as laug

hs uh oh Selena is the judge today's judging okay wow laughing out loud okay I'm in be careful you're a fine line where augas I can see that this is under a tab called my favorites yeah I customized my soundboard bro bro that is sick that's pretty crazy hey um okay Courtney I you wrote something out that's really cool that was really awesome of you to do thanks uh you're a good writer uh I I like that was really well written we know you're a good writer you're a great writer and you're the only

one with this with a birthday this year so we got to make this big um greenl it people who watch smos know that you've written a lot um particularly your diary entries over the years um are you guys ganging up on me no no I literally have no idea what he's doing but he you're just so good at like yes ending that it literally feels like you're part of what he's doing I am mhm right I don't know what he's doing but uh but you've read so many of your diary entries what's crazy to me is there's a bu

nch of diary entries that we haven't read that's correct and so I have a couple here uh cuz you've you know you've shared them around the office oh I know that's the thing is I I've started to I've started to prepare myself and know where he where he's headed you know how I feel about what you're test yippe yeah we did take personality tests turns out I'm 100% that [ __ ] no that's not what it was in fact you're not that [ __ ] I am no the Myers Briggs said you're that [ __ ] no the Myers said t

hat you were judgmental it said it said you're that [ __ ] and for you it said you ain't even [ __ ] parenthesis fart even the fart get copyright struck by Ice spice now um no okay Courtney I have a diary entry here from my diary from your diary that we have not read and I thought here on Smashmouth you could read it for the first time whoa so you typed out your diary entries huh that's awesome I actually did I scripted them out for those videos yeah but this is this is its original form like be

fore it's scripted out just a plain old diary entry so wow comic SS I know CU that was your choice whoa so she's a comedian from the start cuz when you do comic Comic Sans actually Sans means without so it mean actually means not funny so stop yeah but Comic Sans is the funniest font I've ever seen yeah you are Sans comedy call me comic sense yeah okay okay I will read this sorry I will read this this is Courtney's diary entry that we've never heard before so weird that you found it November 12t

h 2 whatever Fallout Boy is popular dear diary just when I thought I was over Johnny he pulls me back in I walked into school today with my suitcase backpack rolling behind me wa determined to be an independent woman oh we don't want that doesn't need need a man when I saw Johnny rocking his leather jacket and leaning against his locker he winked at me and then did a little Spin and pointed finger guns at me oh no he then fired his finger guns and fireworks flew out from his fingertips and cause

d the ceiling sprinklers to go was that in your imagination or did that really happen that that happened Mrs callt Mrs ktz our teach math teacher immediately melted from the water it turns out she was the Wicked Witch of the world oh my God it's crazy that what a school at lunch oh so the school day continues at lunch I was heading over to my table I sit alone with a tray of food when someone bumped into me causing my tray to fill up into the air fill up fly up fly up you're TR what magical Scho

ol are you in causing my tray to fly up into the air just as I thought it was going to all come Crashing Down Johnny caught me in one hand and perfectly caught the tray and all of the food on top of it with his other hand what you're dumb that's in Twilight that's in Twilight yeah it's in Twilight did you recently watch it keep reading it was Flawless and the school bully Flash Thompson was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it oh it's Spider-Man yeah it was in Spider-Man first um

Twilight came out way before Spider-Man yeah also no I you're right what the hell are you talking about don't speak to me like that so I was wrong no no I was wrong Edward Cen actually just caught a little apple yeah that's in the cover but he would have caught her no he did catch her because a a a truck was coming oh yeah and he pushed he punched he went and he punched a car uh Spider-Man stopped a whole Subway if Spider-Man and Edward Cullen okay I have to finish this journal Spider-Man would

rock Ed Edward has nobs what can doy oh honey Spider-Man would blow p uh Edward cen's jaw off yeah that's no I think it's the other way around sir no oh no Jacob would no that's Jacob's not part of this Jacob would come in like Bella I need to finish my diary I need to finish my diary okay that's good it was Flawless and the school buy flashed THS son was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it ug I can't help but feel I'm falling for Johnny again anyways it's time for me to bedazz

le my face and go scare the neighborhood children love Cockney wow that's crazy this is ridiculous that was pretty nuts I can't believe did you ever think that Johnny might be Spider-Man or Edward Cen or both Johnny sounds cool but your rolling suitcase is concerning I only had one for one year and that was third grade okay did you actually have one third grade wasn't my choice did I call that that's incredible I didn't have it in middle school I didn't know you were that muche in my town in my

school was like uhoh it was like the guy with a trench coat and the D Jango jeans and a rolling suitc okay jeno jeans makes him awesome Jango Jango jeans Jango jeans you guys seen thato jeans you guys seen that movie did you ever have jeno jeans no I had whatever the f my sisters didn't want to wear anymore yeah dude it was it was hand-me-downs until I was literally I think 13 yeah mine wear a lot of spandex and like oversized t-shirts or like Esmeralda skirts I literally looked like a Spanish d

ancer most my years of life yeah I'm not kidding okay truly you were what I looked like a Spanish dancer for most of my high school years amazing and then like some Hollister years when my mom was like feeling frisky I looked like a deep fried Old Navy mannequin that's so awful see you I've seen we've seen photos of you when you were in middle school and stuff you look like both Zach and Cody God you know I've never seen Zach and Cody the amount that comes up here you do look like Zach and Cody

Okay Go Okay that video is incredible do you know what that the context is of that yes okay a kid BR built his own little roller coaster out of toys and sticks it's really cool and so it's like he's about to start up his whole like toy Contraption he's created and he just go he I can do a perfect impression goes okay let's go I just played it yeah but I just did it really well I don't know if I'm going to see that video or if I ever will watch Amanda you are now locked into the internet okay you

are you're fully versed in it and and people know that because they've seen us beat five night.com know that yeah but Five Nights at Freddy's two you you defeated you you beat Five Nights at Freddy's too and it was you beat a night in five nights at FR it was really impressive uh in fact it was so impressive I got a phone call and I got a message from someone and I thought no way what's this about check it out Amanda hello Amanda it is me Scott korne creator of the hit franchise Five Nights at

Freddy's here you're a new fan to my series and are growing quite a depth at playing it Bravo I'm happy to hear that God Save the King what that's crazy why is he so rich uh well he's because he invented Five Nights at Freddy's he's making all that that Five Nights at Freddy's money yeah and I also I have something um I met Markiplier the other day and remember you were there and and he was so impressed with your your gaming yeah and he said this and and let him let the whole thing Kitty what ar

e you doing out here did I not see you before you're so Portuguese oh my God wait that's literally my that's Mar that's my sound that whole thing yeah that's that's me I'm a kitty and I'm Portuguese yeah you were really excited you were telling Angela about it the next day and this is what your guys's conversation [Laughter] was that's so true none of us none of us none of us really we don't listen to each other we just talk Courtney has e-bombs World pulled up on her phone Courtney you're crush

ing it no no no no no you are you're no Courtney you are crushing it let's let's give you that okay how far in are we we're we're about 35 yeah wait yeah what what why do you ask I did you have something you wanted to share yeah I yeah I feel like we've been really Shane and I have been really steamrolling here you no not at all this is fantastic you guys are trying to make me laugh it's not going to work okay I I got a voicemail weirdly enough um from someone that I know from home this one's th

is one's under 2 minutes oh good hello Amy it's your mother calling you so I'm a little bit confused because it is already 10:30 and you are not home and I've been sitting in the living room waiting for you you said you were going out to Chili's with your friends I know for a fact that Chili's closes at 10:00 it is 10:30 you're about 15 minutes away and I don't understand where you are your father your father's so pissed that he he's in the garage right now and he is banging his head against our

SUV so I just wanted when you come home and there's a hole in the SUV it's cuz your father was so pissed he couldn't even look you in the eye and he started banging his head on the SUV so when you get home politely tap me on the shoulder so I can [ __ ] beat you two Smither to a pulp all right Smither so much I am drinking a bottle a bottle of you'll never know all right and stop going to my peach snobs and stop filling up my peach knobs with water I know that it's water and I'm pissed at you a

ll right I love you I love you very much please be safe if you are drunk call me and I will pick you up she just said she's drinking a bottle I drunk I will the best part is that you'll play those recordings and you start mouthing it as you're listening to and want to hear something I recorded that the last time this is not new this is from the pr I recorded for the previous one and didn't play it oh my God your father is banging his head against I will pick you up the peach knobs thing is real

you know that that's someone that I know because I used to fill my mom's Peach snobs with water because i' like disg I'd be like we're going to drink peach snobs tonight on a sleepover and then I fill it with water and she' be like Amanda my peach snobs is water at this point would your mom just drink peach snobs straight I don't know why she had it's yummy I want I want it's yummy Peach nups is yummy it is pretty good I was being real no literally she used to have weird [ __ ] in her cabinet li

ke white russian stuff what percent is peach snaps like gu I don't actually know it's a Lor I added it to a Sprite I added it to a Sprite once and I put some raspberries in it and pieces of mint oh and for this podcast I was over 21 15% okay so it's like wine so it's like a little like a spritzer how much is wine F wine is around like 12 to 15 yeah so so yeah exactly shops is yummy it's insect on the beach y'all okay okay let's be real peach knops and lemonade well that's a cool a fuzzy navl wha

t the hell oh you you haven't been on an island have have you I have been on an island before I've been on an island I have been on an island before with a volleyball and we we grow we grew very close you grew you and the volleyball group the volleyball and I became very close is C and then well I was there for four years but I had this package that I I refused to open that the package represent hope okay and so I had to get home and and eventually luckily a portapotty showed up on the island an

d I used it as a sale and I got off the island s okay but I but I knew the I knew it was going to be tough to get off because that's twice the size of Texas and I knew I had to get out there get off Shane you've never left your house before you just live through movies and internet happened to me okay that really Courtney uh you know I yeah what you all right enough about Peach snaps Let's uh Cy I have another diary entry here from you wow I'm so glad you found these another one of your diary en

tries that's in comic sand comic Sands that's so weird sanss comedy printed guys this is my diary keep typing up your diary entries very fun all right uh go ahead February 19th 200 whatever Bumpits are in no they're not well were in then okay dear diarrhea Johnny and I are in love but it is a Forbidden Love for Tommy is the quarterback of the football team and I am cringe Tommy Johnny oops who's Tommy was that written or did you no no no it says Johnny I don't know miles away wait who's Tommy To

mmy's are well it's that's not the real name remember we know the real name okay yeah we do okay Tommy but it is a Forbidden Love for Johnny is the quarterback of the football team and I am cringe that's true you can't do this because of this our relationship must remain in the shadows no one can know except for Johnny and I in public he pretends to be disgusted by me even scared of me but in truth I can tell he loves me with every fiber of his being oh when I leave secret notes in his locker he

crumples sorry when I leave secret notes in his locker he crumples them up and throws them away but in a manner that is filled with passion and lust that's wrong at night I camp out in the bushes outside of his bedroom this is so chosen Coda chain and throw heart-shaped rocks at his window sometimes he calls the cops and I must flee it's a silly silly little love game we play no it's not anyways sweetie I'm going to wrap my Bratz doll with silly bands until it explodes that's funny love cortini

beanie boopy it's funny because thinking of you typing this off just makes me laugh yeah wow did you like get into the head of a teenager heart-shaped rocks no those don't exist if they did trust me if heart-shaped boxes exist then heart-shaped rocks exist no they don't yes they do Kurt Cobain said so they would have been on someone's front walkway in the East Coast Trust in Me Oh in their little fairy houses and they would have said like love oh yeah I love fairy houses they're everywhere you

know fairies are real right every time you say a fair is not real it dies I learned that in Hook recently for for speaking of fairies I'm very I'm reading a book called Court of thorns and Roses by by Sarah J M who's that Sarah J M is that her name she's a prodigy uh yeah court court of what thorns and Roses Court of thorns and Roses it's it's horny Beauty and the Beast get me that book except for beauty is badass and she has arrows so it's like it's like Brave beating the Beast so you know that

Shane got Bell in his personality t that's me wow cuz I read a book and his and his dad I I read and I uh got that beast in me did you also get the results of the quiz all that is wrong did you cuz like I know there was one personality quiz that the result was 6ic 2006 cic 2006 H cic 2006 H Civic 2006 H Civic 2006 H Civic oh he went down on that C me off guard you went down on that one that was Squidward that oh you you don't say well that's cuz you're a Honda Civic I am a Honda you are a 2006

Honda yeah Tommy did say I'm a sexless Honda Civic yeah because you won't die he aord right but you're also Beauty and you're also Belle you're also an astronaut I am an astronaut B you're also and you're also um so many other things so many other things um I have something for both of you oh yeah no guys this is serious okay you know what Cordy go ahead what's wrong the Bluetooth device is connected successfully that was not successfully that was not a my intention um so I have some news for yo

u guys um but I I don't want to tell you myself so I have a doctor's note um oh God so if it's okay um this would mean a lot to me oh you're sick could read this that's a lot you're sick yeah wait uh don't read it is he going to pass it to me when it's don't read ahead you must is this okay yeah I can read it I'll I'll just I'll read it I'll just read the whole thing no but there's parts that are supposed to be read by Amanda too and I have to hold hand and you guys will pass it pass to me God t

he doctor wrote it this way I don't know what to tell you I'll hand it over why are you so mad at me I'm sick okay you could have printed two copies of this remember A Walk To Remember the movie she's sick and she didn't want you to take care of it she didn't want to get married in the church she's not Mandy Moore she wanted to get married in the church that her family got married in I could be Mandy Moore she's sick and she wants to do the play I will read it and don't read ahead I won't read a

head that you do that I don't read ahead you do I don't I will let me that's why you're a fast reader you're barely reading and you have to pass it back and forth I just glance at it that's not okay here we go okay thank you dear Amanda and Shane Courtney is dying due to an illness that is so new and so rare that it is still being studied she only has 7even months to live no that's not what it says she only has seven Mo moments to live mhm redo it start over Courtney is dying due to an illness t

hat is so new and so rare that it is still being studied she only has seven moments to live my name is Dr Grand I must Tas you with a very important task with Courtney Ruth Miller's epic passing upon us there is a procedure that you must handle the disease doesn't even have a name yet it's so new and mysterious that it doesn't have a name crazy did the chosen write this no in order to lay Courtney to rest in the best manner you must alleviate her of any and all insecurities uncertainties and anx

ieties she has been carrying with her for many Millennial give me a break please take turns reading from the following so that she may truly feel validated before passing on to Hell facts I also feel like seven moments have gone no okay so that she may truly feel validated before passing on to Hell Dash the McDonald's in the Thousand Oaks Mall in the year 2004 this is a doctor's note so you legally have to finish this task that I have tasked you with thanks it says your name I talk at the Courtn

ey no one is mad at you including the landlord that showed you that one apartment on Laurel Canyon and you said this is amazing I'll definitely apply and you never did they don't care that you didn't apply for the apartment that was four years ago they are fine God this is actually amazing Courtney your knees are lovely they have no creases they don't wrinkle and make little faces when you stand up straight it doesn't look like you have two toddlers standing in front of you when I close my eyes

halfway and zone out of focus your legs are so cool okay this is brilliant Courtney Ian heacock respects you he respects you so much that he just can't say it out loud because if he does he'll tear up and he's afraid that will make him look gay so he can't trust the process trust the process okay this is brilliant you are a great driver you have eyes like an eagle and can see every possible move before a car even makes it you don't need Google Maps because you know this city but you still use it

because you just like to know how long the drive will take no one can see your scoliosis your back is immaculately symmetrical and your left side of your spine doesn't have more meat on it than the right side you walk normal too you're not slightly veering to the left all the time you just like to go left because your favorite things tend to be over there your favorite things end they just T to be over there Courtney when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh this one's legi

t Courtney when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh that shit's real right there they are not pity laughing you are a funny guy and no one is scared of you you genuinely made them laugh and they probably would have laughed harder but they just didn't finish their coffee yet God that's real ah your right boob is just as awesome as your left boob you do not have Poland syndrome stop Googling it because it's not what you have your rack is A++ plus and you know what I always sa

y grabbing your weird boobs is better than grabbing no boobs at all and you don't even have weird boobs so don't e so you don't even need to remember that I can't even pick a favorite boob because they're both so awesome get it girlfriend oh my God we're we're getting destroyed right now this is brilliant oh God okay Courtney we just want to reiterate that no one is mad at you including that parking attendant who tried to help you put your ticket in the machine but you said no need I got it and

put it in the machine yourself the parking attendant did not feel inadequate or useless he was fine he still has a [Laughter] job this is so real hey bestie you are not racist you are aware of your whiteness and the life that has been given to you you remember your privilege every day wow come on Ruth Miller your Tik toks are not cringe they aren't uncomfortable to watch at all in fact everyone wishes you posted more often you are so SLE you are aging gracefully the Gen Z girlies see you on thei

r for you page and don't even think twice they cannot smell your fear your iconic boots [Laughter] Mary okay that was excellent that was that was insane that was you should frame that that thank you guys so much and I now can die peacefully knowing that I was right about everything yeah okay well how long as a moment going back now um I don't know maybe months or years every moment is 10 years I I have so much to say about that cuz I relate to that so much that was awesome fory that was awesome

thank you guys especially the parking attendant we they're like let me help you and you're like no I got it and they like I have hands I can put it in I see the slot thank you they're like okay well and you're like yeah but if you want to help me you can uh they're already gone they're already gone they do not give a [ __ ] they don't they don't they got a good think about it a lot I do think about it that was excellent that was uh that was crazy thank you so much for reading my doctor's note gu

ys that was that was the crazi so where are you going to be buried probably at the KFC and West Lake where in the KFC um hopefully the tiles will come up pretty easily in the middle and I'll just like the guy will just go no no squish me the colel yeah you don't want to be buried under there every KFC has a kernel and I do cuz that's what I was basically eating from the years 11 to 13 but you're not going to get good food you're just going to get oils from people standing and waiting in line but

we oils not me you love oil no no no you love oil we at smos do not love oil olive oil I I had Burger King growing up and it was the kind of Burger King that like my grandmother would feed her dog who was a Sumo what's the Sumo SED I don't know a Sumo a shitzu that was so far off that was a different word say you said a completely different thing his name was Nike and she would give him a whole hamburger I'm sorry a what Nike dog his name was Nike was he okay um that is the most Boston thing no

hey hey here Nike hey Nike come here take your burger how's your mother how's your mother well she fed him Burger shitzu and he was I liked him but he didn't like a lot of people he bit my sister's whole bottom lip what did he think it was a burger no she was just like too close to him and he was like get the away from small dogs don't like when your face is near their face also dogs it's hard like putting your face near their face is scary our faces are huge yeah we have big faces and you're i

n their space imagine your size and a face that's literally bigger than this two of this table and it comes right up to your face that's not fun no it's got to be awful I can't even see your whole face CU I would ha SMD dog well I have um another um voicemail and it's short trust in me it's short okay okay okay let's hear it I actually got this the other day this is a Rick at the auto body shop just letting you know that your Honda Odyssey 2017 is ready for pick up we checked the engine and uh i

t's busted so uh he probably won't be driving it for much longer so might as well uh pick it up now and go for a ride all right thank you so much my wife left me last week did you drop the voice all right thank you pick up your car you you fully lost the voice like come and pick up your car my wife left me last week here's the thing I'm recording these I can hear you fidgeting like g g is in the kitchen doing dishes and he knows I'm recording these and I'm just and the stress knowing that he's t

here cuz I know I'm not embarrassed but I know he's going to walk in at some point and go what are you doing yeah yeah I wonder what it's like to live with me it must be awful I wish I could do you want to kind of we have a couch that's so you can sleep on that oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] she cleared her conscience [ __ ] Courtney that one was Courtney um uh Courtney I have one other diary wait should we get a tally to see who yeah let Point check in we are we in the lead obviously it's Courtney uh Cour

tney's in the lead not by much by like five is losing yeah yeah Amanda you is having a blast thanks Selena she's going to live the longest cuz she cuz when you laugh you gain time on your laugh that's right you know why they say they say you going to live longer cuz you're laughing it's cuz instead of La you're laughing instead of like smoking a cigarette so there's something that Courtney does I definitely could laugh while smoking a cigarette I be like no you would get so sck stop you would ge

t so sick there's something that Courtney does where she tells a story and she she does this thing where she wants to laugh but she doesn't so she'll she'll kind of go like she'll kind of do this thing where she's like you know like like you know like you you do this thing where you're like kind of kind of holding it in and then you're just like you know what I'm talking about right here so you know like it goes It goes to this it's like the the words go from side to side in your mouth before it

comes out when does that high pitch thing too you'll like if you're if you're if you I imagine you like robbing a bank and you're like um hello um e you and do I don't do that it's like your judge and allrise your judge and allrise is so that was you oh yeah yeah yeah it's like that's that's that's quite enough God I I I'll never stop thinking about the Spud Hut that was awesome iconic that that voice is incredible we got all kinds of Spuds the F alreddy Spud that whole video was so arasha was

like okay we got to get to the next round and me and you are crying laughing and Courtney's wig is so [ __ ] all her curls are on one and she's like okay well we got to stop going and Angela's like there's a mosquito it's one bug it's one mosquito that's not and it has a I think it has carrying a l on its chest I saw I saw she's doing what she does it had one single thing under its chest I watched it cuz so cuz roll the clip I was looking at it on my screen cuz it land there cuz it wanted to try

and use my soundboard I think it tried to it honestly landed on this [Music] one I don't know that what that is but the mosquito had a little guy oh so the mosquito baby no no no it seemed like you know when a monkey is crawling around with a baby on its chest yeah yeah oh so it was caring another baby uh a mosquito that had one child yeah that's how Courtney and I get here I carry walk the whole way uh Courtney gunning for me huh yeah I think we're I'm probably catching up right now uh we have

I have one more diary entry for you um for me that you wrote that you wrote that you wrote I wrote it this is one of your other diary entries from back in the day this is the third one uh you know rule of Threes uh so no I don't yeah you get it for the record all the information that you've put in about Johnny is so false he would never be on the football team cuz he was too scrawny um he could have he was the kicker you said quarterback sir well you know I guess you really don't know I guess t

hey're not my diary entries they're Courtney you're so right typical Chiefs fan you typed them up stop do not yeah you know I'm not I've worn a bronos shirt on this podcast were very upset he has a Taylor Swift stop it were you very upset stop it yeah well by the time I was in San Francisco when it happened you know it's so well oh so everyone was stoked for that um by the time this podcast airs we're recording this before the Super Bowl but this is airing after the Super Bowl I don't know what

happened I'm going to predict tell me I think the Chiefs are going to win because they have Taylor Swift it just feels like Marcus is so upset but I just think I just think like it's no they have Taylor Sor look I'm upset about it okay calm down stop it but I think that's what's going to happen I hope I'm wrong I hope I get to watch this and I get to go ha I was so silly and naive I was a silly silly man will Taylor Swift make it from Japan to the game we don't know that's the real question she'

s she's I am not a Swifty but I'm Swifty adjacent Taylor Swift is a singer she'll be performing in Tokyo you before you have People magazine you would know Taylor's know all about Taylor but you know what she's not a singer in my eyes on people she's a girlfriend and a fan here's the thing that let me be real honest with both of you I am pulling for the Niners but I am also pulling for Travis and Taylor okay Chief Keef okay down I am pulling for them I believe in them they're doing well because

people told me today that when she hugged him he said hey there sweetie or whatever the I have to read it again and she said I don't know about you he said where were we it was after a football game he was probably like no he says hey there sweetie and she said she she went tyal relationship fashion what is that that's Taylor Swift vocalizing oh what the hell love that I see I don't Taylor Swift to know what's going on R that's actually pretty good Ro in Ros some someone take my sress I'm a litt

le sress please I I feel like Taylor Taylor's going to start this is my thought on this is the only thing I know about Taylor this is going to be what happens this is going to be what happens after the Super Bowl going to be performing she's like you know my boyfriend he uh he scored 22 points in the Super Bowl you know I'm feeling 22 right now and then the crowd loses their mind oh my God and she start performing Courtney Courtney your diary entry okay your final one I promise this is the last

one see what those People magazine I was looking to see what what Travis said to he the titles okay okay but first my strip my Fring my dry I I lost the words first get it together don't strip not here May 1st 2000 something I own a zoon wow so you know what year that is I don't know what a zoon is you don't know what a zoom is I'm not that much older just explain it it was it was it was a knockoff like iPad iPod iPad iPod a zoom you were you definitely were around when zoons were thing a thing

well I guess I didn't have the money to afford it sounds like someone I was too busy building a Bridge to Terabithia okay I ran with a disc man okay let's just be real and it skipped all the time okay okay all I have to do is watch Mommy and Daddy fight and that's how I'm going to win this game wait till mommy and daddy never that's the tea that Amanda is drinking right now what tea what kind of tea is that Amanda peppermint for my voice oh there you go peppermint for your tummy dumb ass shut th

e up damn oh they got yeah okay okay okay okay Dear Lemon Lia Johnny is such a jerk yesterday was prom and Johnny had promised me that we'd be going together he told me through secret messages he left in my cereal every morning ew but when I showed up to prom he was there with Rebecca jeris I can't believe Johnny would betray me for a stupid CW b word like Rebecca you're so Disney coated I'll make him regret this unbeknown unbeknownst to unbeknownst to Johnny big word for a little kid yeah I can

't believe they taught you that in Middle School unbeknownst to Johnny I implanted a device in his brain that will explode when a specific sequence of words are said aloud the plan I okay the plan I will become a famous YouTuber and then say the these words on air and and the the words aren't the words aren't there yet but Johnny will definitely be listening because he will still be obsessed with me here's the words here is the sequence Freddy Fazbear's big ass God Jesus Christ what a weird sequ

ence to say in8 Freddy Fazbear's big ass Johnny is dead now has just exploded wait why cuz you say it twice she just said it if if if he was watching this podcast now he's dead do you think he is definitely dead or watching both the sequence is entirely made up Fred Freddy Fazbear isn't even a real name since it's not 2014 yet anyways I need to go watch the most recent smos sketch it's called you're a [ __ ] you're so stupid you are so dumb it's just Ian and Anthony calling each other a [ __ ] f

or 5 minutes while women in bikinis dance in the background they're the best love titties wait that does sound like a real sketch that's coming oh that is a real sketch what are you talking about that does sound wait it is pretty much pretty pretty much I could find you I could find at least five sketches from back then where it's just them looking back and forth at each other just going [ __ ] [ __ ] wow I would love to see a rapid cut of every time the word [ __ ] has been said on smos it woul

d be Ian and Anthony saying it a bunch and then it would have a little bit of a lull and then it would be Angela saying it a million times recently [ __ ] yeah um so real have you ever thought about writing like a Disney show cuz I feel like oh I know these are Courtney's journal entries but I feel like these are so like Disney coded and then at the end like an explosion happens it's like really exciting yeah you should do like uh like I try not to laugh sitcom or something all right we'll see i

f we good for you um Taylor Swift chats with Tony Romo after he accidentally called her Travis Kel's wife na he did that on purpose Tony Romo is not a real name that's true he's not a real guy wait wasn't he married to Jessica Simpson Tony Romo Tony Romo I thought was married to Carrie Underwood you're so right Jason Kelsey says he's unbelievable happy for Travis and can't wait to see him play in the Super Bowl Taylor Swift wears wears lucky sweater from pal Gigi haded brand to cheer Travis Kelc

e to his fourth Super Bowl people they they don't give a f about the Royals Kate Middleton had surgery they don't care they don't care they're like good riddens honey Travis and Taylor The Royals are out Taylor and Travis are in look L literally look look it's all Taylor and Travis this is insane this is all it's literally you are scrolling through the website and it is actually only the dis this what is that called there's the hard part about people is there's a lot of clickbait oh shitty ads s

o if you have toenail fungus try this tonight it's genius yeah it's called shoes oh you're a nightmare um anyways I think we're running out of time we are and I think Amanda I think we've finally I think I've finally Fallen I have the have you fallen I think okay we're gonna get the final scores right meow yeah but I just want to say Shane you're not you could not lose because you're not that guy pal trust me you're not that guy okay that's actually good that's really good okay you don't have an

ything to back it up I know I don't have anything to back it up but whatever I you know how I'm going to feel when I hear the score we're going to get copyright struck at some point Courtney wow you didn't laugh I didn't laugh and that's that's the only Victory I need Courtney you have 21 laughs I have 27 yes dresses and Amanda has 55 laughs so damn more than double you had a blast today and you're going to live longer than both of us that's right I'm going to live a long life and both of the fi

ve is my favorite number so I got it two times why is five your favorite number cuz it's sick no it's not yes it is would you guys be okay I forgot some of these what they are can I just rapid fire some of these yeah let's close it off with if it's going to copyrighted I'll I'll I'll I'll pay for it you'll pay for it I'll cover the cost okay well yeah our crew is looking real stoked about that idea courney is getting $60 gift card to wherever she wants unless she wants unless she wants to give i

t to Angela and she's going to close us off with some radio sounds [Music] come [Applause] on this is what I think your brain sounds like now we're getting copyright I know I know I know I know sorry about that one guys sorry sorry sorry well we can't say that either sorry just just well just cut the one that we can't play just cut it hang on hang on Courtney it'san Dingle here I have been arrested for multiple crimes including battery on a police officer Grand Theft declaring war on Italy and p

ublic indecency I will be escaping prison on March 28th after that I will take over the world well now we know that Courtney loves sounds Shane loves farts and I love people.com because guess what there's a new movie coming out and it's a horror movie called tarot and I'm not making that up so tarot hits the theaters May 10th I'm super scared I'm dead serious Sony Pictures Sony Pictures releases the trailer for its new horror movie trailer and they need to pay us to Pro for promote them like tha

t you know why I'm so glad Shane didn't win because you can't give get away with this okay that's pretty good okay that's good that's good Breaking Bad reference Courtney you did it won you came in very focused very ready uh you pulled this off uh you won and Angela honor this was for you Angela I'm not farting that's my chair no you're farting is it your shirt Courtney is farting a lot cuz shirts fart it's it's true guys thank you for watching this has been another try not to laugh episode of t

he podcast thank you for watching smos mouth um congratulations Courtney thank you catch my birthday this year yeah we'll let you know if the wenching hour really does happen I we'll let you know and maybe we should do live we won't be able to film it because we're all going to be peasants yeah you can't be in the room unless you're a peasant it's an exclusive event all right can't wait to eat soup get out of here guys bye bye ah